Kupelekedwa ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zopweteka kwambiri zomwe zimachitika m'banja kapena ubale wautali. Chikhulupiriro chanu chikatha, zimakhala zovuta kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhalebe wolimba. Simungaphunzire momwe mungapitirizire kunyenga koma zochitika za kusakhulupirika siziyenera kukufotokozerani moyo wanu wonse komanso siziyenera kukulepheretsani maubwenzi ndi kukonda zabwino.
N’zoona kuti kupitirizabe kuchita chinyengo n’kosavuta. Kuperekedwa kwa mnzanuyo nthawi zonse kumakhala bwino koma ngati musunga malingaliro otseguka ndipo mukulolera kuti mupange chiyambi chatsopano, ndiye kuti n'zotheka kuthetsa ululu wa kusakhulupirika. Kugonjetsa munthu amene wakunyengezani ndi kukunamizani kungawoneke ngati njira yayitali. Koma ndi masitepe 15 awa, ndizothekadi.
Kuti tikuthandizeni kumvetsetsa momwe, tikubweretserani zidziwitso kuchokera kwa katswiri wazamisala Kavita Panyam (Masters in Psychology komanso wogwirizana ndi mayiko ena a American Psychological Association), yemwe wakhala akuthandiza maanja kuthana ndi zovuta za ubale wawo kwazaka zopitilira makumi awiri.
Momwe Mungapitirire Kubera - Njira 15 Zomveka Zotsekera Mutuwo
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Pamene mnzanuyo wakhala wosakhulupirika kwa inu, ndi mwachibadwa kukhala ndi mafunso osambira m'mutu mwanu. Chifukwa chiyani zidachitika? Zinachitika bwanji? Kodi mungagonjetse bwanji chinyengo? Kodi mungasiye bwanji kuganiza za kunyengedwa? Momwe mungabwezeretsere moyo wanu m'dongosolo ndi zina zotero.
“Kungochoka paubwenzi umene anakupelekerani ndiyo njira yokhayo yopitira. Kusakhulupirika mwachionekere ndi njira yochitira nkhanza ndipo kukhala pamalo amodzi kungangowonjezera chipwirikiti,” akutero. Kavita Panyam, "Kuchoka ndi kupita patsogolo ndikusankha molimba mtima pamene mukuganizira momwe mungagonjetsere kunyenga. Mukufunikira dongosolo labwino lothandizira ndikugwira ntchito kuti kusakhulupirika kwanu kubwezeretsedwe bwino."
Nazi njira zomveka, zothandiza zotsekera mutuwo, kuthana ndi malingaliro osokonekera atatha kunyengedwa ndikukhala ndi moyo watsopano.
1. Dziwani zambiri
Kupulumuka kuperekedwa ndi chimodzi mwazovuta kwambiri m'moyo, koma chinthu choyamba mukazindikira kuti mwakuberedwa ndikuwongolera zomwe mwawona. Muyenera kudziwa zonse - zomwe zachitika, zomwe zidayambitsa, kangati zidachitika ndi zina musanapange chisankho. Onetsetsani kuti muli ndi chidziwitso chonse ndipo sikuti mukungodalira zongomva kapena kuchita zinthu mongokayikira.
Kuzindikira kuti mwina mwachita mopambanitsa kapena simunamupatse mpata mnzanu woti afotokoze yekha kukhoza kukhala koipitsitsa m’maganizo mwanu. Komanso, ngati sanayankhidwe, mafunsowa sakhalapo ndipo adzakuvutitsani m'tsogolo. Chifukwa chake ndikwabwino kung'amba chothandizira, kupeza zonse, ndikuchita nazo.
2. Dzipatseni nthawi yolira chifukwa cha kulumikizana
Mutha kukhala kuti mukuvutika kuti mubwererenso mutaberedwa. Sichinthu chomwe mungathe kuiwala tsiku limodzi. Kuthetsa ukwati kapena ubale wanu womwe wamwalira sikudzakhala kophweka chifukwa ndi kulumikizana kosatha komwe mwachokako. “Kulira n’kofunika, perekani nthaŵi yothetsa malingaliro anu kapena kuvomereza mkhalidwe wanu,” akutero Kavita.
The rollercoaster maganizo kukwera adzapitirira kwa kanthawi ndipo sizidzakhala zophweka kukhululuka ngakhale inu mukudabwa mmene kupeza pa kubera. Ululuwu sungathe kutha posachedwa, chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuti muvomereze kuti kugwedezeka, kugwedezeka, mantha, kukhumudwa ndi kusokonezeka zikhala kwakanthawi.
3. Lowani mu chithandizo
Kodi mungasiye bwanji kuganiza za kunyengedwa? Pezani thandizo lomwe mukufuna. Kavita akupereka lingaliro lakuti, “Muyenera kukonza zonse zimene zachitika. Mukalandira chithandizo, ngakhale mutakhala ndi chikumbukiro cha kuchitiridwa nkhanza kapena kutha kwa chibwenzi, mudzadziŵa mmene mungachitire.”
Therapy imakuthandizani kufulumizitsa kuchira kotero kuti mukuyang'ana zoyambira zatsopano m'malo mongodandaula kapena kukhumudwa. The katundu wamalingaliro mwina mwasiya ndi zazikulu ndipo mosiyana ndi abwenzi amene akhoza dzira inu kuiwala zakale, mankhwala amakuthandizani kuti agwirizane nazo - sitepe yofunika pamene akuyenda mmene kuthetsa chinyengo.
4. Pewani kulowa muubwenzi wobwereranso
Tsopano popeza muli nokha ndipo mulibe mnzanu, mutha kukhala ndi chilakolako chofuna munthu wokondana naye ndipo m'pamene ngozi yolumikizana mwachisawawa imakhudza. Mwinamwake mukungoganiza kuti chododometsa chatsopano chingakuthandizeni kuti mukhale osangalala mutapusitsidwa.
Koma sizichitika nthawi zonse monga choncho. Onetsetsani kuti kusungulumwa sikukutsogolereni rebound maubale kapenanso nkhani zamalingaliro chifukwa izi zimakusiyani opanda pake kapena okhumudwa.
"Nthawi yoyipa kwambiri yoitana munthu m'moyo wanu ndi pamene muli pachiwopsezo chachikulu. Simudziwa munthu amene akubwera m'moyo wanu, akhoza kukhala nyanja yabata kapena chimphepo chomwe chingakukhudzeni kwambiri," akutero Kavita. "Musalole aliyense kuti abwere pafupi ndi inu pamene muli ofooka komanso otetezeka."
5. Khalani kutali ndi masitepe ausiku umodzi
Kuvomereza, ndi yesero lalikulu. Kuti musagwirizane ndi malingaliro anu mutanamizidwa, mungaganize kuti ndikosavuta kudumphira pabedi ndi munthu. Mutha kuganiza palibe vuto kugonana wamba popeza wanyengedwa ndi mnzako. “Komanso, mutakhala pachibwenzi pomwe mnzanuyo adabera, ndiye kuti moyo wanu wakugonana ukanakhala ulibe,” akutero Kavita.
“N’kwachibadwa kuti zilakolako zanu zidzuke ndipo mungafune kukhutiritsa.” Koma ngati zili ndi munthu wolakwika, zomangira zopanda zingwe zimenezi zimangowonjezera mavuto,” anawonjezera motero. Kulumphira mu kugonana wamba kapena usiku umodzi kuyimirira kuiwala ululu sikungakuphunzitseni momwe mungagonjetsere chinyengo.
6. Samalirani ndalama zanu
Ngakhale kuti cholinga chanu choyamba chiyenera kukhala kuchiza mutaberedwa, chachiwiri chiyenera kukhala kuteteza ndalama zanu. Ngati muli pakati pa kutuluka ndi kufuna chisudzulo, izi ndizofunikira kwambiri. Musalole kuti chisoni chanu chikulepheretseni kufooketsa mpaka pamene zonse ziyamba kuwonongeka.
M'malingaliro, mutha kukhudzidwa kwambiri chifukwa chakusakhulupirika. Koma simungafunenso kulandidwa ndalama. Yang'anirani ndalama zanu, funsani thandizo kwa mlangizi kapena mnzanu ngati pakufunika kutero. Ndipo pang’onopang’ono mbali zina za moyo zidzakhazikika.
7. Sankhani bwino omvera anu
Mfundo yofunika m'buku la 'momwe mungathetsere chinyengo' ndikusankha mwanzeru anzanu omwe mumawafotokozera zakukhosi kwanu ndikupempha thandizo. “Osaulula mavuto anu achinsinsi kwa onse komanso osiyanasiyana,” akulangiza motero Kavita. “Khalani ndi gulu lokha la anzanu oti mupite nawo.
"Mwina mungayesedwe kumamatira pamapewa omwe anthu akupereka kuti akuthandizeni koma izi zingangokulowetsani m'mavuto ndi chipwirikiti chifukwa m'pamene amakudyerani masuku pamutu chifukwa cha kugonana kapena ndalama. Zomwe mumamva pambuyo pokunyengedwa sizomwe aliyense akudziwa. Samalani kuti mupeze anthu oyenerera oti mutenge nawo ndalama ndikugawana nawo nkhani yanu."
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8. Yesetsani kuti musamaweruze
Kodi mungasiye bwanji kuganiza za kunyengedwa? Chabwino, mwina munakumana ndi zoyipa koma yesetsani kuti musayang'ane maubwenzi onse kudzera mu prism yokhayo. N'zotheka kukhala ndi maubwenzi opambana pambuyo pa kunyenga, zomwe mukusowa ndi maganizo abwino ndi kufunitsitsa kupereka moyo mwayi wina.
Osapita ndi 'amuna onse ndi onyenga' kapena 'akazi onse ndi osaona mtima'. Zidzakulepheretsani kupanga maubwenzi abwino m'tsogolomu. Dziwani kuti muli ndi ufulu uliwonse ndi mwayi uliwonse wopezanso chisangalalo ndipo mudzatero.
9. Dzisamalire
Iyi ndi nthawi yomwe muyenera kudzisamalira kwambiri. Kuti muthane ndi kuberedwa ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi, muyenera kukhala ndi ndalama pakusamalira thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndi thupi. Therapy ikuthandizani kuti mugwirizane ndi gawoli ndikulikonza bwino.
Muyeneranso kuyikapo ndalama mu yoga, kuphunzitsa mwanzeru, komanso kusinkhasinkha kuti mukhale ndi thanzi labwino. Muzichita masewera olimbitsa thupi komanso muzisamaliranso zakudya zanu. Zindikirani kuti mudzakhalabe ndi malingaliro ambirimbiri monga mkwiyo, chisoni, nkhawa ndipo izi zikhoza kukuthandizani kuti mupirire bwino. Kupsyinjika kwanu sikudzatha, kukhoza kuchepetsedwa pang'ono ngati mutadziganizira nokha ndikudzikonza nokha.
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10. Osayesa kubwezera
Kusakhulupirika kumasokoneza chikhulupiliro chanu mu maubwenzi ndipo zimakhala zovuta kuti mubwererenso. Panthawi ngati imeneyi, kubwezera kungakhale chinthu choyamba m'mutu mwanu kuti mugonjetse munthu amene adakuberani ndikukunamizani. Pamene mukusinkhasinkha momwe mungagonjetsere kunyenga, chikhumbo chofuna kubweza mnzako ndalama yomweyo chidzakhala chokopa kwambiri.
Imitsani maganizo amenewo. Simupeza kalikonse pochita zinthu ngati momwe mnzanuyo adachitira, kupatula kusweka mtima komanso kutsimikizira kodabwitsa. Osabwezera, pemphani thandizo ndikuyesera momwe mungathere kuti muchoke pamavutowo.
11. Musayese kulumikizanso
Kuti mukhale osangalala pambuyo pa kunyengedwa, muyenera kutsatira lamulo losalumikizana. Ngati mukufunadi kuphunzira momwe mungagonjetsere chinyengo, muyenera kuphunzira kaye momwe mungadulire zingwe zomwe zimakumangani kwa iye. Mukaganiza zothetsa chibwenzicho ndikuchoka pachibwenzi, dulani zingwezo nthawi yomweyo.
Osachepera masiku 90 oyamba, osalumikizana. Izi zidzawapatsa uthenga kuti nkhani ya kusakhulupirika yakukhudzani kwambiri. Kenako, asiyani kuwatsatira pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti. Izi zitha kukhala zovuta kuchita koma kuwona zolemba ndi zithunzi zawo zitha kungoyambitsa zikumbukiro zowawa zomwe simungathe kuchita popanda.
12. Yang'anani kupita patsogolo
Kudzidzimukako kukatha ndipo mwapanga chisankho, musayang'ane m'mbuyo. Mukasiya kuganiza za kuberedwa, m'pamenenso kudzakhala kosavuta kuti mupite patsogolo ndi ulemu. Yang'anani moyo wanu ngati mutu watha ndipo mwayi watsopano ukukuyembekezerani.
Pakhoza kukhala mayesero angapo kuti mupatse mwayi wina kapena ganizirani kuyanjananso ndi wokondedwa wanu koma kumeneko kungakhale kulakwitsa. Mwinanso mungade nkhawa ndi kukhala mbeta kwa kanthawi. Koma kukhalabe paubwenzi umene unasocheretsedwa kungakupangitseni kudzimva kukhala wokakamira kosatha.
13. Khalani ndi zolinga zatsopano
Imodzi mwa njira zabwino kwambiri zothanirana ndi kuberedwa ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi ndikukhazikitsa zolinga zatsopano - panokha komanso mwaukadaulo - ndikuyamba kuyesetsa kuzikwaniritsa. Nthawi zambiri mu mgwirizano wanthawi yayitali, okwatirana amaiwala umunthu wawo pamene akuyesetsa kukwaniritsa zolinga zofanana.
Tsopano ndi mwayi wanu womasuka ndikuyang'ana kuchita zinthu nokha. Kuchokera ku zolinga zaumoyo mpaka kufika pazitali zatsopano pa ntchito yanu, yang'anani pa zinthu zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi ubale wanu wakale. Izi zidzakupatsani tanthauzo latsopano m'moyo wanu.
14. Pitani kokacheza ndi anzanu akale
Kuwongolera malingaliro anu sikungakuthandizeni. Uwu ndi mwayi wanu wolumikizananso ndi anzanu akale, mwina anthu omwe adasiya moyo wanu mutangolowa pachibwenzi kapena m'banja.
Tulukani nawo, gawanani nawo nkhani zanu. Dzichepetseni nokha, koma, monga tidanenera kale pamfundo 6, sankhani yemwe mumalankhula naye. Kukhala ndi zokambirana zapamtima ndi bestie wanu kumayendetsa oxytocin kapena mahomoni osangalala.
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15. Khalani omasuka ku chikondi kachiwiri
Choyipa kwambiri chomwe chingachitike ndikudzitsekera nokha paubwenzi kapena chikondi. Lingaliro lobwereranso pachibwenzi limatha kuwoneka ngati lotopetsa koma muyenera kusiya kunyalanyaza ndikulolera kuyesanso chikondi china.
Komabe, nthawi ino sinthani njira yanu. Ndikwachibadwa kukhala osamala pambuyo pa zomwe zinakuchitikirani koma kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zomasuka ndi kutsimikiza kuti musadziyerekezere ndi wakale wanu, kungathandize. Khalani okhwima ndipo musapente aliyense ndi chilichonse ndi burashi yomweyo.
Kupusitsidwa kungakupangitseni kukhala ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana ndipo kungakhudze kudzidalira kwanu ndi kudzidalira kwanu. Komabe, ngati mutasankha kuchoka m’banjamo, teroni mozindikira ndi motsimikiza mtima kulisintha kukhala njira yatsopano yabwino m’moyo wanu.
Ibibazo
Ubwenzi ukhoza kubwerera mwakale pambuyo pa chinyengo ngati onse awiri ayesetsa mofanana. Woberayo ayenera kutenga udindo wopangitsa mnzakeyo kukhala wotetezeka. Pamene amene anaperekedwa ayenera kuphunzira kuika zochitika kumbuyo kwake ndi kupanga zoyambira zatsopano.
Kuti muyiwale zachinyengo, muyenera kudzipatsa nthawi yolira chifukwa cha chibwenzi. Tengani chithandizo, kukumana ndi abwenzi akale, yesetsani kusiya zakale ndikuyambanso zatsopano.
Ululu wobwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika sungathe kutha. Zimatenga nthawi yochuluka kuti muyiwale ndikupitilira ndikuyambanso. Muyenera kupereka nthawi yokwanira kuti muchiritse mabala obwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika.
Inde. Zifukwa zochitira chinyengo sizingafotokozedwe momveka bwino. Anthu ambiri amabera anzawo omwe amawakonda kwambiri malinga ndi momwe zinthu zilili komanso momwe akumvera. Chofunika ndi chakuti ngati wina amakukondanidi, sangabwereze chinyengo.
Zizindikiro 15 Zosonyeza Kuti Mwamuna Wanu Akukuberani Ndi Antchito Mnzanu
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
