Kutha kwa banja kungakhale koopsa kwambiri. Ngati mukuvutika kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanu watha ndipo muyenera kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi amene mumamukonda, dziwani kuti simuli nokha. Banja lililonse limakumana ndi zovuta, ndipo timauzidwa kuti okwatirana ayenera kulimbana ndi mikuntho yotere pamodzi.
Ichi ndichifukwa chake gawo lovuta kwambiri, nthawi zambiri, ndikuyesa kudziwa ngati ili nthawi yothetsa banja loyipa kapena mwangokumana ndi vuto lina lomwe muyenera kuthana nalo.
M'buku lakuti Signs That It Is Over: A Self Help Guide To Know When Your Relationship Or Marriage Was Through And What To Do About It, wolemba Denise Brienne anati, "Maubwenzi amachepa ndipo amasintha, ndipo nthawi zina kusinthako kungamveke ngati mapeto, pomwe sikuli kwenikweni. Koma nthawi zina, zomwe zimamveka ngati kugwedezeka pang'ono zimatha kukhala kusweka kowawa komwe simunawonepo kukubwera."
Ngakhale zizindikiro zitakhalapo kuti banja likutsika chovuta kwambiri ndikuvomereza kuti banja latha ndipo muyenera kuthetsa banja mwamtendere. Nthawi zina ndi bwino kusiya banja ndiye kupitiriza kuvutikira ndikuvomera kusudzulana ngakhale simukufuna.
Kuti tikuthandizeni kumvetsa ngati ili nthawi yoti musiye mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amene mumamukonda, tidzayesetsa kumvetsa nthawi imene ukwati wanu watha ndiponso zimene mungachite kuti muvomereze zimenezi.
Kodi Mumadziwa Bwanji Pamene Ukwati Wanu Watha?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kumvetsetsa nthawi imene ukwati wanu watha kungakhale ntchito yoopsa kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri anthu amataya nthawi yawo m'maubwenzi osasangalatsa chifukwa chongoyembekezera kuti zinthu zidzayenda bwino tsiku lina. Koma nthawi zina, mumangomenya kavalo wakufa ndipo zimenezi zimawononga chimwemwe chanu ndi moyo wanu.
Katswiri wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo waku America Dr. John Gottman, yemwe wakhala akupereka uphungu kwa okwatirana kwa zaka zoposa 40 tsopano watha kulosera kusudzulana molondola 90%. Maulosi ake akuchokera pa njira yake yomwe amatcha Okwera Mahatchi Anai a Chionongeko ndipo amenewo ndi - kutsutsa, kunyoza, kudziteteza ndi kuwononga miyala.
M'buku lake lakuti Why Marriages Succeed or Fail , Dr. Gottman akunena kuti kunyoza ndiye chinthu chachikulu chomwe chimaneneratu kapena kusudzulana chifukwa chimawononga ukwati. Kunyoza wina ndi mnzake kumatanthauza kuti palibe ulemu ndi kuyamikirana mu ukwati.
Ngati inu ndi mnzanuyo muwonetsa zambiri mwa makhalidwe awa, ndi nthawi yoti muvomereze kuti ukwati watha. Kupatula kunyoza, kodi ndi zizindikiro ziti m'banja mwanu zomwe zimati nthawi yothetsa banja yakwana? Tiuzeni.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 7 Zochenjeza Kuti Mukukula Mosiyana Muukwati Wanu
1. Kukhala ngati munthu wosakwatiwa
Chizindikiro chimodzi cha kusudzulana ndi chakuti inu ndi mnzanu nthawi zambiri mumapanga mapulani omwe sakhudza wina ndi mnzake. Ngakhale kuti ndibwino kwa inu ndi mnzanu kukhala ndi magulu anu a anzanu, nthawi zambiri kusankha kukhala ndi anzanu m'malo mwa mnzanu, zikutanthauza kuti mmodzi kapena nonse awiri mukusiya ukwati.
Zingakhale zovuta kuvomereza kutha kwa banja lanu, koma ngati mnzanuyo akukana kukhala ndi nthawi yokwanira monga banja, mungafunike kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu yemwe mumamukonda.
2. Chinyengo chimakusangalatsani
Ngakhale anthu okwatirana nthawi zina amangoganizira za anthu ena, koma sangayerekeze n’komwe kuchita zachinyengo mnzawo amene amamukonda. Zongopeka zimangokhala zosangalatsa zaupandu zimene okwatirana amaloŵetsamo nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi.
Ngati kubera kukusiya kukhala chongopeka n’kukhala chinthu chosangalatsa kwa inu, kungakhale chizindikiro chakuti mukusiya ukwati wanu. Ngakhale kuti pali kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa chinyengo ndi malingaliro achinyengo, malingaliro oterowo amasonyezabe ukwati wopanda chimwemwe.
Ngati nthawi zambiri mumakopeka ndi anthu ena, muyenera kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanu ulibenso mwendo woimirira.
3. Ndalama zosadziwika komanso zachinsinsi
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zochenjeza kuti chisudzulo chili pamakhadi n’chakuti mmodzi kapena onse aŵiri aŵiriwo amayamba zosankha zandalama popanda kufunsana. Mukalowa m'banja, zosankha zonse zomwe mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amapanga zimakhudzanso zina.
M’banja labwino, kulinganiza zandalama kumagwira ntchito yofunika kwambiri. Onse awiri amagwira ntchito limodzi kuti aitanitse ndalama, ndalama, kumanga katundu ndi zina zotero. Ngati mnzanuyo sakusungani inu pazinthu izi, ndi chizindikiro chowopsya kuti muyenera kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanu watha.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Mungatani Ndi Mwamuna Wabodza?
4. Kuganizira za wokondedwa wanu kumakutopetsani
Kumayambiriro kwa ukwati wanu, mwina simunadikire kuti mubwerere kukaonana ndi mnzanu. Kuwaganizira kumakusangalatsani. Ichi ndi chizindikiro cha ubale wabwino, kumene mukuyembekezera kuthera nthawi ndi mnzanuyo.
Komabe, ngati mumamenyana nthawi zonse kapena mukulimbana ndi nthawi yayitali, kuganizira za mnzanu kapena kukhala nawo kungakhale kokhumudwitsa komanso kotopetsa.
Zimenezi zimangochitika m’banja lopanda chimwemwe limene lilibe tsogolo.
5. Kusudzulana sikulinso vuto lachabechabe
Nthawi zina mikangano ikafika pokangana, inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mungalankhule zinthu zopweteka zomwe simunaganizirepo. Nthawi zina mumawopseza kuti muthetsa banja, ndipo mukangonena mawu amenewo, mumalakalaka mutawabwezanso.
Koma tsiku lina, mungapeze kuti mukanena mawu amenewo, mukutanthauzadi. Ngati muli pa siteji imeneyo, pamene mukuganizira mozama za kusudzulana ndi kupatukana ndi mnzanu, palibe malo oti mumvetsetse bwino. Yakwana nthawi yoti muvomereze kuti ukwati wanu watha.
Kodi Mungavomereze Bwanji Kuti Banja Lanu Latha?
Kuthetsa ukwati ndi gawo loyamba la ndondomekoyi. Mbali ina ndikuvomereza kuti ukwati watha ndikupita patsogolo. Ngakhale mutasiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amene mumam’konda, zingakuvuteni kuti muwakumbukire ndipo mwina mukuwasoŵabe kwambiri.
Angela Stewart ndi Ralph Wilson (dzina losinthidwa) anali okondana a kusekondale omwe adakwatirana kenako adasudzulana patatha zaka zitatu. Angela anati: “M’moyo wanga wonse panali mwamuna mmodzi yekha amene ndinkamudziwa, dzina lake Ralph.
Ngakhale anali kunyenga ndinali wokonzeka kumukhululukira ndikupulumutsa banja lathu. Koma mwamuna wanga anaumirira kuti akufuna chisudzulo. Zinanditengera nthawi yaitali kuti ndivomereze kuti kusudzulana kunali kosapeweka.”
Ngakhale kuti ichi ndi chikhalidwe chachibadwa chamalingaliro kukhalamo, sichilinso ndi thanzi ndipo muyenera kuyesetsa kuti mutulukemo. Simungalole kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akulepheretseni kukhala ndi moyo wabwino pambuyo pothetsa banja.
Pofuna kukuthandizani kuti mupite patsogolo, apa pali malangizo ena okuthandizani kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanu watha.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Chibwenzi cha Zaka 7 Chikupwetekadi?
1. Vomerezani mmene mukumvera
Anthu osiyanasiyana amachitira zinthu mosiyana akathetsa ukwati woipa. Ena zimawavuta kusiya ukwati woipa, pamene ena amakhala okondwa kuti pomalizira pake amasuka kwa okwatirana.
Ziribe kanthu komwe muli pachiwonetserochi, njira yokhayo yochotsera ukwati woyipa ndikuvomereza momwe mukumvera. Pokhapokha mutagwirizana ndi malingaliro anu enieni mungathe kuyamba kuchira ndikupita ku mutu wotsatira wa moyo wanu.
2. Dziwani kuti wokondedwa wanu sangakupatseni zomwe mukufuna
Kuti musiye banja loyipa, muyenera kuzindikira kuti mnzanuyo sangathe kukupatsani chithandizo chamalingaliro ndi chikondi chomwe mukufuna. Mukangovomereza zimenezo, mudzayamba kuzindikira kuti simufunikira kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akhale wokhutira kapena wosangalala.
Kuthetsa ukwati kungakhale chosankha choŵaŵa, koma kukhalabe m’banja lopanda chimwemwe kudzakuchititsani kutopa ndi kupwetekedwa mtima.
Ndi bwino kusiya banja loipa ndikupitiriza moyo wanu.
3. Lankhulani ndi anzanu ndi okondedwa anu
Kuthetsa ukwati kungakhale kowawa kwambiri. Simungathenso kulankhula kapena kukhulupirira munthu amene munali naye pafupi kwambiri. Izi zingawononge maganizo anu pa maubwenzi ndipo zingakupangitseni kudzikayikira.
Kuti banja loipa lisamayende bwino, ndi bwino kukambirana ndi anzanu komanso achibale anu kuti akuthandizeni kuthana ndi mavuto amenewa. Kukhala ndi anthu abwino kungakhale chinsinsi cha kudzimva bwino. Zidzakuthandizani kuvomereza kutha kwa banja lanu.
4. Muziganizira kwambiri za moyo wanu
Ngati munadziuzapo kuti ukwati wanu watha ndipo simukudziwa choti muchite, mungachite bwino kuyesa kulamuliranso moyo wanu panokha. Bwererani muzokonda zanu, fufuzani dziko lakuzungulirani, tsatirani zokonda zanu kapena yesetsani kukwaniritsa zolinga zanu.
Muyenera kuyesanso kukhala ndi moyo kuti muzindikire kuti chosankha chanu chosiya ukwati woipa chakupangitsani kukhalanso osangalala.
Kuyesera kukhalanso munthu wanu ndi njira yabwino yoyambira kutha kwa banja lanu.
5. Yesani kudzisamalira
Mudzamva kuti ndinu osatetezeka kwa kanthawi kochepa mutatha ukwati. Sikophweka kusiya mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu amene mumamukonda. Panthawiyi, muyenera kuzindikira kuti muyenera kuika thanzi lanu la maganizo ndi la thupi patsogolo pa china chilichonse.
Apa ndi pamene kudzisamalira kumabwera.
Kudzisamalira ndikuchita zomwe mukufuna kuti mumve bwino za inu nokha. Kuzindikira mmene mungapangire mkhalidwe wanu wamakono kukhala wololera kudzakuthandizani kwambiri kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanu watha.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 10 Zosonyeza Kuti Munakwatirana ndi Munthu Wolakwika
6. Khalani ndi zolinga
Munthu aliyense, wokwatira kapena wosakwatiwa, ayenera kukhala ndi zolinga zomveka bwino zimene akufuna kuzikwaniritsa. Kukhala ndi zolinga kapena kudziikira miyezo yoyenera kungathandize kuthetsa ukwati woipa. Kugwira ntchito kuti mukwaniritse zolinga zanu kukupatsani mawonekedwe adongosolo komanso okhazikika munthawi yomwe ingakhale nthawi yovuta kwambiri.
Ngati banja lanu latha ndipo simukudziwa choti muchite, kuyesa kupeza cholinga chomwe mungachikwaniritse kungakuthandizeni kuvomereza kuti banja latha.
7. Kumbukirani kukhulupirirabe chikondi
Pambuyo pothetsa ukwati, zingakhale zovuta kukhulupirira chikondi kwa kanthawi. Koma chikondi chimabwera m’njira zosiyanasiyana. Pali chikondi cha mnzako chomwe chingakhale champhamvu ndikukupangitsani kukhala okondwa. Pali chikondi cha bwenzi chomwe chingakuthandizeni kupumula ndikukukumbutsani zomwe muli. Ndiye pali kudzikonda komwe kumakuphunzitsani kudzikonda.
Ubale uliwonse umabweretsa chikondi chosiyana m'moyo wanu.
Ngakhale kuti zingakuvuteni kusintha chikondi chomwe munataya mwa mnzanu, kulola kuti mupitirizebe kukonda kungakupangitseni kuyamikira moyo kwambiri.
Mosasamala kanthu kuti mungakonzekere motani m’maganizo kaamba ka chochitika chimenechi, simungafewetseko nkhonya imene imabwera chifukwa cha kutha kwa ukwati. Mukangovomereza kuti ukwati wanu watha, ndipamene mungayambe kuchiritsa ndikuyamba mutu watsopano m'moyo wanu. Kupita patsogolo ukwati wanu ukatha kumatenga nthawi koma mutha kutero.
Ngakhale kuti ukwati wanu ungakhale mbali yofunika kwambiri ya moyo wanu, sichiri kukhala-zonse ndi mapeto a moyo wanu wonse. Ngati simungathe kupita patsogolo patsogolo, kupita kuchipatala kungakuthandizeni kukonza malingaliro anu. Tsopano mutha kupeza thandizo la akatswiri ndi chitsogozo podina batani.
Ibibazo
Choyamba muyenera kuzindikira momwe mukumvera, kenako zindikirani kuti ngakhale mutakhala limodzi chimwemwe sichidzakulepheretsani, vomerezani kuti inu ndi mnzanu mwasiyana ndipo yang'anani pa moyo wanu watsopano ndi malingaliro abwino.
Mukakhala ngati anthu awiri osiyana pansi pa denga limodzi, kuganiza za mnzanuyo kumakutopetsani, mukakhala limodzi simumalankhulana kapena mukumenyana ndipo mnzanuyo angakhalenso akunyenga. Mukaganizira zothetsa banja kwambiri mudzadziwa kuti banja lanu latha.
Chinthu choyamba chiyenera kukhala kuvomereza kuti zatha. Mumatenga thandizo la abale ndi abwenzi kuti mufotokozere nokha, mutha kusankhanso uphungu. Khalani ndi zolinga zatsopano ndikutanganidwa ndi zokonda ndi zokonda.
Kukondanso? Mantha 10 Enieni Okhudza Chikondi Pambuyo pa Chisudzulo
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
