Kukhala mwamuna wochirikiza sikungotanthauza kuletsa mkazi wanu kutuluka usiku kapena kumulola kuphika Chitaliyana usiku umenewo mumalakalaka ma hamburger. Ngakhale kuti zimenezo ziridi zochirikiza ndi kuvomereza mwanjira yakeyake, kukhala bwenzi lochirikiza kumapitadi patali kuposa pamenepo.
Nthawi zambiri timakamba za kugonana kwabwino, kulankhulana, kudzipereka komanso kukhulupirika kukhala zina mwa mizati ya maubwenzi. Koma kodi ndizo zonse? Kodi “Thandizo” linasochera pati pa zonsezi? Popanda chithandizo, mnzanuyo angakhumudwe komanso kuti alibe mphamvu. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuwonetsetsa kuti ubale wanu ndi malo abwino pomwe anthu onse amamva kuti akumvetsetsa, kumveka, ndipo koposa zonse, kuthandizidwa ndi ena.
Kuti timvetse bwino zomwezo, tikubweretserani nkhani yowona mtima ya mkazi ndi momwe mwamuna wake wothandizira adakhalira bwenzi lake lapamtima lomwe linamuthandiza kuthana ndi mavuto ake onse. Ngati nthawi zonse mumadabwa momwe mungakhalire wothandizira maganizo paubwenzi, werengani ndikupeza.
Pamene Mwamuna Wanga Amene Anakakamira Anakhala Wondithandizira Kwambiri
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Monga adauza Bonobology ndi Pratibha Agarwal, nkhani iyi ya mwamuna wochirikiza imatisonyeza kuti popanda chichirikizo, banja silingafike pamlingo wake wonse. Tiyeni tione m’mene mwamuna kapena mkazi wake anam’patsa kulimba mtima ndi chilimbikitso chimene anafunikira kuti akwaniritse maloto ake.
Sindinakhalepo ndi mtundu uliwonse wa kudziimira
Moyo wanga nthawi zonse unkawoneka ngati wolembedwa. Ndinabadwira ndi kukulira m’tauni yaing’ono yokhala ndi banja lachikondi, anandisunga, kutetezeredwa, ndi kunyamulidwa. Nditamaliza maphunziro anga, ndinakwatiwa ndikusamukira ku mzinda waukulu kuti ndikayambenso, ndili ndi chiyembekezo chatsopano chopatsa ndikulandira chikondi, komanso maloto olemba gawo la mbiri ya moyo wanga.
Nthawi zonse ndakhala munthu wa anthu ndipo ndimamva mwamphamvu kuti ndikuyitanira kwanga kukhala mu kuphunzitsa. Chikhumbo changa chogwira ntchito sichinali chopanduka koma kuchoka kumalo anga otonthoza, kuyesa china chatsopano ndikupanga chinachake cha nthawi yanga. Palibe mkazi m'banja langa kapena banja la mwamuna wanga anali kugwira ntchito kapena anayamba wagwirapo ntchito. Koma ndinali ndi vuto lochita zina. Ndinali ndisanakhalepo ndi ufulu wamtundu uliwonse kapena ngakhale ufulu wachuma m'mbuyomu, koma ndimafunikira tsopano.
Poyamba sindinkaona ngati ndili ndi mwamuna wondithandiza. Nthawi zonse ndinkafuna kugwira ntchito ndi kubwezera chinachake kwa anthu, koma sindinaloledwe, zomwe zinandikhumudwitsa.
Poyamba, iye sanali wothandizana naye
Ndizovuta kuchoka mu nkhungu munthu wakula mwachikondi. Mwamuna wanga anali wogwirizana naye poyamba, koma anali asanazoloŵere kuona akazi akugwira ntchito. Pamene mphunzitsi wamkulu anafuna kundipatsa maudindo owonjezereka, zinasokoneza ubwenzi wathu. Kenako ndidakhala ndi pakati ndipo zokhumba zanga zidapitilira pamoto wakumbuyo.
ndimayenera kutero kusankha pakati pa khanda ndi ntchito, ndipo ndinasankha kukhala ndi ana. Osandilakwitsa, sinali nsembe. Ana anga aamuna awiri anali moyo wanga ndipo palibe china chofunika. Banja langa linali chilengedwe changa ndekha. Koma mofanana ndi chilengedwe chathu chachikulu, ichinso chinafunika kukulitsidwa.
Pambuyo pa zaka pafupifupi 20 zaukwati waulemerero ndi ana aŵiri akuluakulu, ndinadzipeza kuti ndimafuna zambiri kwa ine ndi moyo. Pamene ndinkaganizira kwambiri zimenezi, m’pamenenso mawu a m’kati mwanga ankakula kwambiri. Ana anga atakula ndipo zinthu zapakhomo zidayamba kutha bwino, kukhala woyang'anira nyumba tsopano sikunafune ntchito yochuluka monga kale ndipo motero ndinaganiza kuti mwina nthawi yanga yakwana yoti ndigonjetse maloto anga.
Tsopano ndinafuna kupeza cholinga chochuluka mu moyo wanga. Monga nthawi zonse ndakhala wokonda kubwezera anthu, sindikanangokhala kunyumba ndikusiya kuti masiku anga awonongeke. Tsopano ndinafunikira kusankha pakati pa kukhala mayi wanthaŵi zonse kapena kukhala ndi ntchito. Kuthandiza bwenzi lanu kwakhala kuchimake kwa banja langa, koma sindinali wotsimikiza ngati mnzanga wondichirikiza angandilimbikitse ndi mtima wonse kuti ndiyambe ntchito.
Mmene ndinapezera cholinga chatsopano m’moyo
Poyamba, yoga inali njira yothanirana ndi malingaliro omwe ndinali nawo poyesa kupeza cholinga chozama. Kuti ndiyesere ndikuwamvetsetsa, ndipatseni chochita popeza chisa changa chidakula chopanda kanthu ndipo masiku amawoneka otalikirapo. Posakhalitsa zinakula pa ine. Mosadziŵa, ndinali nditapeza foni yatsopano.
Ndinapita kukachita makalasi a yoga mpaka kuwaphunzitsa ndekha. Patha zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi tsopano ndipo mwanjira ina zikuwoneka ngati moyo wonse. Osati chifukwa nthawi ikuwoneka yotopetsa, koma chifukwa kusintha kwakhala kosavuta. Ndipo pali munthu m'modzi yekha woti ndimuthokoze chifukwa cha izi, yemwe anayimirira ndikuyimilira pomwe ndimapita kumakalasi ndi maphunziro - mnzanga wondithandizira. Ngati wina akufuna kuphunzira ndikumvetsetsa, "Momwe mungathandizire wokondedwa wanu?", muyenera kuchita kuchokera kwa iye.
Kuchita yoga pa msinkhu wanga kunali chinthu chosangalatsa, komanso chodzaza ndi mantha. Ndinali ndi mafunso ambiri okhudza momwe ndingachitire ndi izi komanso kukhala mayi. Koma ngati chithandizo chilipo, palibe zambiri zomwe simungathe kuchita. Tinakonza zathu kulumikizana mu ubale wathu ndipo otsalawo adatsata.
Ndinayamba kukonda yoga. Nthawi zonse ndinali munthu wokonda kuphunzitsa ndipo kukhudzika komwe kumandipatsa kunali kovuta kupeza kwina kulikonse. Ndinaganiza zopitiriza ulendo wanga, koma mavuto osapeŵeka anatayidwanso m’njira yanga.
Mmene mwamuna wanga wochirikiza anasinthiratu moyo wanga
Kusinthako sikunali kophweka, ngakhale kuti thandizo lake linapangitsa kuti ziwonekere. Ndikukumbukira pamene ndinali ku Goa kaamba ka kosi yofunika ndipo ndinayamba kulakalaka kwathu. Mwana wanga wamng’ono anadwala. Ndinaganiza kuti zandikwana ndipo ndinkafuna kubwerera. Koma mwamuna wanga anandilimbikitsa kupitirizabe. “Mukapereka nthaŵi yanu yochuluka ndi kuyesayesa kwanu kuchita zimenezi, musaisiye tsopano,” iye anatero, “khalanibe ndipo khalani olimba, ine ndidzasamalira nyumba ndi ana.
Kudziwa kuti pali wina yemwe anali ndi chithandizo cholimba chotere komanso chikhulupiriro mu kuthekera kwanga kunandikakamiza kuti ndipitirize osati kungomaliza maphunzirowo, koma kuchita yoga ngati ntchito. Popanda thandizo losasunthika la mwamuna wanga, sindikanatha kukwanitsa kusintha kwapakati pa moyo uno bwino komanso ndi chidaliro chotero. Uyu anali munthu yemwe nthawi ina ankandiopa kuti ndigwire ntchito! Anaphunziradi momwe mungakhalire mwamuna wabwino ndipo adandipatsa zambiri kuposa zomwe ndikanapempha.
Ndinadabwa kwambiri ndipo ndinasangalala kwambiri kuti ndinali ndi mwamuna wondithandiza. Poyamba, chifukwa chakuti analeredwa mopondereza, sankazolowera kuona akazi akugwira ntchito. Anatha kuthetsa malingaliro onse obwerera m'mbuyo ndipo anandipatsa chithandizo chomwe ndimafunikira. Tinazindikira kuti kuthandizira ndi chimodzi mwa mizati yofunika kwambiri ya ukwati wabwino.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 9 Zothana Ndi Mwamuna Wosathandiza
Kunali kusintha pang'onopang'ono
Nthawi zonse ndimadzifunsa kuti n’chiyani chinam’chititsa kuti amvetse chikhumbo changa chokhala ndi moyo woposa banja. Kumvetsetsa kuti kupeza ntchito sikungatanthauze kutaya nthawi ya banja. Wakhala ulendo wautali wakuvomera ndi chikhulupiriro, kwa ife tonse. Ndinkamukhulupirira ndipo ndinkalemekeza maganizo ake pamene ankafuna kuti ndikhale kunyumba. Sindinakokepo ulusi mwamphamvu kotero kuti udaduka. M’malo mwake, ndinam’patsa mpata wokwanira kuti adziŵe kuti ndinavomereza maganizo ake, chifukwa pamapeto pake ndife gulu.
Kusintha kungawonekere mwadzidzidzi, koma kunali kochedwa komanso kosasintha. Pamene ndinasiya, nayenso anachita. Anaona kuti ndikhoza kusamalira ntchito ndi banja. Ndipo ngati ndilephera, akhoza kundibwezera. Tonse titha kukula monga munthu payekha ngati titakula monga okwatirana ndipo mosemphanitsa.
Kodi mungathandizire bwanji mnzanu?
Kwa iwo omwe ali mumikhalidwe yofanana ndi yathu, zomwe ndingakuuzeni ndikudzikhulupirira nokha komanso ubale wanu. Musamatsutsana wina ndi mzake. Limbikitsani makhalidwe amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali nawo. Sinthani kuthetsa mikangano ndipo nthawi zonse yesetsani kuthandizira. Ukwati ndi mtengo umene timathirira tsiku lililonse kwa zaka zambiri, pamene tsiku lina labwino, umaphuka mwadzidzidzi
Mwamuna akamathandiza mkazi wake, amadziona kuti ndi amphamvu komanso odzidalira pa ubwenzi wawo. Kwa amuna onse, kuchirikiza mkazi wanu sikudzangopangitsa unansi kukhala wabwinoko komanso chokumana nacho chogwirizana.
Mwamuna wanga lero ndi thanthwe langa ndi chifukwa chomwe ndingathe kuchoka panyumba, kuyenda padziko lonse lapansi ndikutsatira chilakolako changa, chifukwa amamvetsa kuti ntchito ndi nyumba sizosiyana, koma mgwirizano wa mphamvu zanga, monga ukwati wathu.
Timagwirira ntchito limodzi, motsatira. Ndimalemba tsogolo langa ndi mawu anga achikondi, kudalira, kugawana, chithandizo ndi chikhulupiriro. Mitu ingapo inayamba mochedwa chifukwa ina inafunika nthawi yambiri. Nkhani yanga sinalembedwenso chifukwa si yanga yokha. Ndi athu.
Njira 5 Zokhalira Mwamuna Wothandizira
Pambuyo pa nkhani yokongola ija ya momwe awiriwa adapezeranso ndikukonzanso ubale wawo, sitingachitire mwina koma kugawana nanu masenti athu awiri a momwe mungakhalire bwenzi lothandizira kwa mnzako. Ndikosavuta kusewera masewera olakwa, kuchita kulamulira ndi nsanje mu chiyanjano kapena kukhala ndi ndi njira yanga kapena msewuwawukulu maganizo.
Koma kunyalanyaza makhalidwe onse oipawo ndikuwona mnzanuyo wonse, kuyesera kuwavomereza momwe iwo alili ndi kuwakonda mofanana, ndizovuta kwambiri koma zolemekezeka kwambiri. Chikondi chidzachepa popanda chithandizo, kumapeto kwa tsiku. Chifukwa chake ngati mukufunadi kuti ubalewu ukhale wokhalitsa, kondani mkazi wanu ndipo mukufunadi kukhala osangalala naye, ndiye njira 5 zothandizira wokondedwa wanu ndi zanu.
1. Mvetserani mokwanira musanapereke maganizo anu
Kukhala wothandizana naye sikutanthauza kulola mkazi wanu kuti asachite chilichonse chomwe akufuna ndikumulola kuti ayende pamalingaliro ndi malingaliro anu. Inu nonse ndinu ofanana mu ubalewu ndipo ndi momwe zinthu ziyenera kuyendera. Malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu ndi ovomerezeka ngati ake komanso kukhala wothandizana naye, sizisintha izi. Zomwe zimasintha ndikuti ngakhale zili choncho, mumayesetsa kuti mumvetsetse bwino za iye.
Pamene akugawana nanu china chake, onetsetsani kuti simuchitaya nthawi yomweyo. Mvetserani, ndipo mvetserani mwachidwi. Mvetserani chifukwa chake akuganiza izi, chifukwa chake amafunira zinthu mwanjira inayake komanso momwe zilili zofunika kwa iye. Kukulitsa luso lomvera ndizovuta koma zofunika kulimbikitsa mgwirizano wanthawi zonse.
2. Kodi mungakhale bwanji mwamuna wothandiza? Khulupirirani mnzanuyo
Popanda chikhulupiriro ndi chidaliro, simudzapita kulikonse m’banja mwanu. Tikakuuzani kuti chikhulupiriro ndi maziko a ubale uliwonse, timatanthauzadi. Nthawi zina, kukhala mwamuna wothandiza ndi kungouza mnzanuyo kuti mumamukhulupirira ndipo mudzakhala nawo zivute zitani. Mofanana ndi zimene taŵerenga m’nkhani ili pamwambayi, mawu oterowo amapereka chitonthozo ndi chilimbikitso kwa munthu winayo.
Pamene aona kuti chikondi ndi kukoma mtima kotereku zikutuluka kwa inu, mosakayikira adzamva kuti mumawakonda ndi kuwamvetsetsa. Izi zidzawapangitsanso kukhala ndi chikhulupiriro mwa inu.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 13 Kuti Muli Ndi Bwenzi Lokhulupirika Ndi Lokhulupirika
3. Yesetsani kukhala womasuka kwa iwo
Kuwapewa nthawi iliyonse akafuna kukambirana zinazake zowawawa kapena kutuluka panja pa ndewu si yankho la funso lakuti, “Kodi mungamuthandize bwanji mnzanuyo?” Kuthandiza wokondedwa wanu ndikukhalabe naye, ndikukhalabe nazo zonse ngakhale zitakhala zovuta bwanji. Ngakhale zinthu zitafika poipa, yesetsani kukhala oona mtima kwa iwo.
Lolani kuti muwatsegulire, kugawana nawo nkhawa zanu ndi mantha anu, ndipo adziwitseni zofooka zanu ndi kusatetezeka kwanu. Pokhapokha ngati muwalola kuti akuwoneni mu mawonekedwe anu enieni ndi aiwisi, adzadziwa kuti muli paubwenzi umenewu ndi manja onse awiri ndipo muli okonzeka kuchita izi. Kunyalanyaza vuto kapena kupereka kuchitira chete ndewu zikatha sizigwira ntchito nthawi zonse.
4. Alimbikitseni popanda kuwaweruza
Osakayikira luso lawo nthawi zonse. M'malo mwake, muyenera kuwalimbikitsa ndikukhala nawo kwa iwo ngakhale akudzikayikira okha. Zochulukirapo, kwenikweni. Monga mwamuna wochirikiza, muyenera kufuna kuwona mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akuthamangitsa maloto awo, kukwaniritsa zolinga zawo, kuchita bwino ndi kusangalala. Popanda kuwalimbikitsa ndi kuwathandiza, sangachite zimenezi ndi mtima wonse.
Monga wothandizana nawo paubwenziwu, ndikofunikira kuti muchite zonse zomwe mungathe kuti muwathandize. Ngakhale kuti nthawi zina zikutanthauza kusagwirizana nawo koma kukhala ngwazi yawo yayikulu!
5. Kodi mungatani kuti mukhale wochirikiza maganizo? Pepani chikhululuko mukafunika kutero
Kupereka chithandizo chamalingaliro muubwenzi sikungokhudza kubwereketsa khutu kapena kuthandiza. Nthawi zina, ndi kuvomereza zolakwa zanu ndi kulemekeza mnzanuyo mokwanira kuti mupepese kwa iwo pamene inu mwalakwitsa. Ngati mupitirizabe kusuntha ndi kuthawa zolakwa zanu, muli kukhala bwenzi lodzikonda ndipo palibe wothandizira.
Muyenera kuyesetsa mwachidwi kuyesetsa kuzindikira zolakwa zanu ndi kusintha kwa bwino, zonse chifukwa cha ubwenzi umenewu. Kusintha kuyenera kubwera mowona mtima kuchokera mkati. Simukungothandiza okondedwa anu, komanso ubale wanu.
Kuchokera m’nkhani yaumwini ya mkaziyo, tiri otsimikiza kuti muyenera kuti munamvetsetsa kufunika kokhala mwamuna wochirikiza muubwenzi. Sizingangolimbikitsa chikondi, koma kubweretsa kukula kwa ubale ndikukulolani inu awiri kuti muyamikire ndikumvetsetsana. Tikukhulupirira kuti tayankha funso lakuti, “Kodi mungakhale bwanji mwamuna wothandiza?” Pokhala ndi maupangiri onsewa, mutha kupita kunjako ndikukhala bwenzi labwino kwambiri kwa iye!
Ibibazo
Ngati mwamuna wanu sali wochirikiza m’maganizo, muyenera kuwongolera kulankhulana naye, kumuuza zimene simunayembekezepo ndi kumakambitsirana naye mwamphamvu zomwe mwina mwakhala mukuzipewa. Ikani phazi lanu pansi ndi kumuuza kuti popanda chichirikizo, ukwati wanu sudzakhala wabwino monga momwe uyenera kukhalira.
Ubale wochirikiza sudzangowonjezera mkhalidwe waukwati wanu, m’kupita kwanthaŵi udzakulitsa ubwino wanu m’mbali zonse za moyo wanu. Mukakhala ndi mzati wothandizira womwe mungadalire nthawi zonse, simudzadzimva nokha pamavuto anu zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala olimba mtima kuthana ndi mavuto omwe moyo umakuponyerani. Ubale wachikondi, wotetezeka komanso wokwanira ukhoza kutheka kokha nonse mukamathandizana.
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
