Ngati chibwenzi chanu chili ndi nkhawa kapena mukukumana ndi zovuta, tikudziwa kuti izi zitha kukuvutitsaninso kwambiri. N’kutheka kuti mumathera nthawi yambiri mukumudera nkhawa komanso kuyesetsa kuti zinthu zimuyendere bwino. Onetsetsani kuti nthawi zonse amakhala kutali ndi zomwe zingamuyambitse, kuwonetsetsa kuti alibe zochitika zazikulu komanso kuyang'anitsitsa khalidwe lanu kuti musamukhumudwitse - kukhala ndi chibwenzi chokhumudwa kungakhale udindo pa mapewa anu.
Ndi kumwetulira molimba mtima ndi kukhala ndi chiyembekezo, mungayese kumulimbikitsa nthaŵi zonse monga momwe mungathere. Kukonda munthu amene akuvutika maganizo kapena kuthandiza chibwenzi chovutika maganizo si chinthu chophweka. Kupsyinjika chifukwa cha kusowa kwabwino kwa wokondedwa wanu kungawonongenso thanzi lanu lamaganizo.
Koma zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kusiya kapena kuwasiya. Maubwenzi nthawi zonse amabweretsa zopinga zawo zopenga ndipo ichi ndi chimodzi mwa izo. Ngati mumamukondadi, ndiye kuti mtima wanu udzakufunsani kuti mukhalebe ndikukhala bwenzi labwino kwambiri lomwe mungakhale kwa iye.
Koma ngati mukufunsa kuti 'Ndimamukonda kwambiri koma sindikudziwa momwe ndingathandizire bwenzi langa lopsinjika maganizo', ndiye kuti nkhawa zanu zitha kutha pomwepa. Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungathandizire chibwenzi chanu pamavuto awa, ndi chidziwitso kuchokera kwa akatswiri azamisala. Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa CBT, REBT komanso upangiri wa maanja.
Kodi Mungadziwe Bwanji Ngati Bwenzi Lanu Lili ndi Matenda Ovutika Maganizo?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kupsinjika maganizo ndizovuta kwambiri. Zitha kukhala zovuta kuziwona mwa anthu ena koma zitha kukhala zaphokoso komanso zowonekera mwa ena. Komabe, nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kudziwa chomwe chimayambitsa izi. Mkhalidwe wovutawu umapangitsa kuzindikira ndikugonjetsa kukhumudwa kukhala kulimbana kovutirapo kwa bwenzi lanu, ngakhale inunso.
Ndiye musananene kuti, “Chibwenzi changa chikuvutika maganizo ndipo ndikusowa chochita”, tiyeni tifufuze ndi zizindikiro zotsatirazi kuti tidziwe ngati angakhaledi ovutika maganizo kapena ayi. Kukhumudwa kumawoneka mosiyana kwa aliyense koma apa pali zizindikiro zazikulu zingapo zomwe zimawonekera mwa anthu ambiri pamene kukhumudwa kukuyamba.
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1. Mavuto a tulo
Ngati chibwenzi chanu chikudwala matenda a maganizo, mwina mudzaona kusintha kwa kagonedwe kake. Siziyenera kukhala kusintha kwakukulu koma kugona kwake kungakhale kosasinthasintha, zomwe zimam'pangitsa kukhala wotopa kwambiri. Nandita limatiuza kuti, “Mudzaona kuti mwina munthuyo akugona kwambiri kapena sakukwanira n’komwe.”
Kugona mofulumira kwambiri masiku ena, kukhala usiku wonse kwa ena kapena kugona mpaka masana ndi zizindikiro zochepa zokuuzani kuti mwina sakupeza bwino. Kuyesera kutema mphini pofuna kugona kungathandize kuthetsa nkhawa ndi nkhawa zake, komabe, angakhale akuvutikabe ndi maloto oipa komanso kugona mopanda thanzi.
2. Kuchepetsa chilakolako chogonana
Ngati chibwenzi chanu chikuvutika maganizo, sangayambe kugonana kapena kukhala ndi chidwi chofuna kukhala nanu monga kale. Izi sizingakhale zokhudzana ndi inu kapena chikondi chake pa inu. Ndi nkhani chabe ya kuchepa kwa chilakolako chogonana chomwe chimadza chifukwa cha kupsinjika maganizo.
Nandita akutiuza kuti, "Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mwina zidzawonekera pang'ono kusiyana ndi ena onse. Munthuyo sangasangalale ndi kugonana monga momwe ankachitira poyamba ndipo mudzawona chilakolako chawo chogonana chikuwonjezeka." Mphamvu zake zimathetsedwa chifukwa chomenya nkhondo tsiku lililonse kotero kuti sangathenso kupezanso cholinga chogonana. Kuphatikiza apo, chisangalalo chingakhale lingaliro lakutali kwa iye ndipo mwina sangathe kuchipeza monga momwe amachitira kale.
3. Kupeza chimwemwe chochepa mu zinthu zomwe ankasangalala nazo
Chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu komanso zodziwikiratu za kukhumudwa ndi pamene bwenzi lanu likhoza kusiya kukhala mwini. Ngati poyamba ankakonda kukwera mapiri, mungaone kuti sadzathanso kuchita zimenezi pambuyo povutika maganizo. Kanthaŵi kochepa komanso kosangalatsa pamoyo kamakhala kopanda phindu kwa munthu wovutika maganizo. Izi zitha kugwera pa inu ndikuyambitsa kutopa mu ubale wanu. Kukhala kwawo opanda chiyembekezo sikuwalola kusangalalanso ndi kalikonse.
4. Makhalidwe oipa mwadzidzidzi
Amuna amene akudwala matenda ovutika maganizo nthaŵi zambiri amasonyeza kusintha kwakukulu m’makhalidwe awo mwakuchita zizolowezi zoipa. Akhoza kuyamba kumwa mopitirira muyeso komanso pa nthawi yolakwika. Angakhale ndi zizolowezi zina monga kutchova njuga kapena kuyendetsa galimoto mopupuluma. Nandita anati: “Ngakhale kadyedwe kake kamasintha kwambiri.
5. Kuchepetsa kudzidalira komanso kudzudzulidwa kosalekeza
Mnyamata wanu akakhumudwa, akhoza kutaya chidaliro chake ndikudziyang'ana molakwika kwambiri. Kukhumudwa nthawi zambiri kumatha chifukwa chodziona ngati woipa ndipo munthuyo amatha kukhazikika m'njira yochepetsera kudzidalira. Nandita anati: “Mudzaona kuti mnyamata wanuyo akulankhula zoipa zokhudza iyeyo kapena anthu ena.
Chifukwa cha kupsinjika maganizo, munthu angapitirize kudziona ngati wosayenerera, wosayenerera ndiponso wopanda luso. Lingaliro loipitsidwali likhoza kumukakamiza kuti azidzilankhula mawu achipongwe kapena kuchita zoipa m’mbali zosiyanasiyana za moyo wake kwinaku akudzudzula zinthu zina nthawi zonse.
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Zinthu 8 Zoyenera Kuchita Mnyamata Wanu Akakhumudwa
Nkhawa mu maubwenzi ndi chinthu chodziwika bwino pamene mmodzi wa okwatirana ali ndi nkhawa. Kupatula apo, si chikhalidwe chomwe chiyenera kutengedwa mopepuka, monga ziwerengero akuwonetsa kuti pafupifupi 50% ya milandu yodzipha ku US imalumikizidwa ndi kukhumudwa. Mwachibadwa ndiye kuti mungakhale ndi nkhawa ponena za ubwino wa bwenzi lanu komanso tsogolo la chibwenzi chanu.
Mutha kuyesa kulimbitsa bwenzi lanu ndikuyenda naye mu gawo lovutali kuti amve bwino. Muyenera kukhala, kukhala, kugwira dzanja lake ndikumulola kuti agwerenso pa inu. Kuti muwonetsetse kuti zoyesayesa zanu sizikuwononga komanso kuti mutha kuthandiza chibwenzi chanu kupirira nthawi yovutayi, nazi zinthu 8 zomwe muyenera kuchita pothandizira chibwenzi chokhumudwa.
1. Thandizani chibwenzi chanu chovutika maganizo pomusonyeza kuti ndi woyenera
Kris Tarnowski, mphunzitsi wovina pasukulu yasekondale ya kwawoko mumzindawo, ankakayikira kuti bwenzi lake linali lovutika maganizo ndipo anati: “Mnyamata wanga ali ndi maganizo ovutika maganizo koma sapeza thandizo lililonse.
Kudziona ngati wosafunika ndi chizindikiro chachikulu cha matendawa. Kuti mutsitsimutse ndi kumanga chifaniziro chake, muyenera kumupatsa mphamvu nthawi zonse ndi mawu okoma mtima ndi olimbikitsa. Kumupatsa chiyamikiro ndikumugulira china chatsopano ndi zinthu zingapo zazing'ono zomwe mungayesere.
Ngati chibwenzi chanu chikuvutika maganizo, akufunika kuti mumuuze kuti panopa mumamuona kuti ndi woyenera kukondedwa kuposa kale. Osamupewa kapena kumunyalanyaza koma musonyezeni kuti mumamukonda. Iyi ndi nthawi yomupatsa chikondi chonse chomwe mungathe ndikuchichita mowolowa manja.
2. Musamuuze nkhawa zanu
Ngati bwenzi lanu lili ndi chisoni, mwina safuna kuti kusatetezeka ndi chisoni cha m’maganizo mwake zitsanulire ndi kukupweteketsani. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, sangafune kudzimva ngati ndi munthu wofunika kukonzedwa. Kuchita zimenezi kungachititse kuti azidziona ngati wonyozeka ndipo akhoza kuchita zinthu mwankhanza.
Nandita anati: “M’pofunika kuti mumvetse mavuto ake ndi kuyesetsa kukhala ofanana ndi amene iyeyo akukumana nawo. Munganene kuti mupite kwa dokotala kapena kuyesa chithandizo chamankhwala.” M’pofunika kuti musamachite zinthu mwanzeru chifukwa chakuti wayamba kuvutika maganizo kwambiri. Adzakulitsa kanthu kalikonse kamene mungakambe ndipo angaone ngati n’kothandiza kwambiri.
Kuwathandiza ndi chinthu chimodzi, koma kuyang'anira umunthu wawo ndikuyesera kusintha ndi chinthu china. Ayenera kudzimva kukhala wodziimira kuti adzimva ngati wagonjetsa nkhondoyi m'malo mopereka mphamvu zake kwa inu.
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3. Yamikirani zochitika zing'onozing'ono zothandizira chibwenzi chokhumudwa
Pamene wokondedwa wanu ali ndi kuvutika maganizo, ngakhale kusintha kochepa kwambiri kwa moyo - ngakhale pang'onopang'ono kapena kochepa - kungapangitse kusiyana kwakukulu pamaganizo awo. Kudzuka nthawi yomweyo kwa sabata, kusamba pamaso pa masana, kuvala bwino, ndi zina zonse ndi zolinga zazing'ono zomwe ziyenera kukumana ndikukondwerera.
Pamene chibwenzi chanu chikuvutika maganizo, ngakhale ntchito zosavuta zotere zingawapangitse kumva ngati akusuntha miyala ikuluikulu. Choncho, athandizeni kuyamba mochedwa ndi kuchita chinthu chimodzi chabwino nthawi imodzi. Osayembekezera kuti azidya zathanzi komanso bwino usiku wina ndikudzuka m'mawa wotsatira akumva padziko lapansi. Kulimbana kapena kuchira ku kupsinjika maganizo kungakhale njira imodzi yopita patsogolo-pawiri-m'mbuyo. Inu muyenera kukhala nazo chipiriro muubwenzi wanu ndipo khalani okonzeka kukumana ndi zolephera zambiri panjira.
Nandita anati: “Musayese kusintha zizolowezi zina za bwenzi lanulo pokhapokha mutadziwa kuti akufuna kutero. Mukamukakamiza kwambiri, zingakubweretsereni mavuto amene simukuwafuna.” Chomwe mungafune kuchita ndi kukulitsa ulemu wake mwa kukhala wolimbikitsa ndiponso wolankhula zinthu zolimbikitsa. zidzamulimbikitsa kwambiri.”
4. Musamafulumire kukhumudwa pamene chibwenzi chanu chikuvutika maganizo
Zingakhale zovuta kuti nthawi zonse mukhale ndi chiyembekezo chadzuwa kwa wokondedwa wanu ndikumupatsa dziko lapansi. Pakhoza kukhala masiku omwe mungaphonye moyo wawo wakale ndikusinkhasinkha momwe izi zikukukhudzirani inunso. Ndibwino, inunso amaloledwa kukhala ndi masiku oipa. Koma kunena kuti, “Sindidziŵa mmene ndingathandizire bwenzi langa lopsinjika maganizo” ndi kuleka kuchita zimenezo sikuli yankho.
Izi zonse ndizochepa za inu komanso zambiri za yemwe mumamukonda. Amakufunani panopa kuposa kale lonse! Chigamba chake choyipa chikhoza kukupangitsani misala koma muyenera kukhala olimba kwa iye ndi kupitiriza sonyezani chikondi monga munachitira kale. Ntchito yanu ndi kukhazika mtima pansi munthu wovutika maganizo osati kusonyeza kukhumudwa kwanu kwa iwo. Izi zidzangomupangitsa kuti adzimve kukhala woipitsitsa komanso wolakwa chifukwa chakuwonongani.
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5. Khalani womvera ndipo mulole kuti alankhule pamene chibwenzi chanu chili ndi chisoni
Mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna amene akuvutika maganizo, zingakuvuteni kulankhula zinthu ndi kufotokoza zakukhosi kwake monga momwe ankachitira poyamba. Mudzaona momwe amalankhulira kale za mkangano wawung'ono womwe anali nawo muofesi, koma tsopano, masiku akupita ndipo samakuululiraninso chilichonse. Anthu opsinjika maganizo amakonda kupangitsa kuti azikhala otsika mwa iwo okha ndikukhalamo. Ndiye mumatani ngati wokondedwa wanu ali wachisoni?
Naomi Wyatt, wogulitsa malo, anali pachibwenzi ndi Steve kwa zaka zinayi, ndipo posachedwapa, adayamba kuzindikira kuti anali ndi nkhawa. Iye anati: “Mnyamata wanga amavutika maganizo ndipo nthawi zambiri ndimadziona kuti ndilibe chochita koma chimene ndingachite n’chakuti ndimumvetsere.” Choncho ndimayesetsa kumuthandiza kuti alankhule nane mmene angathere kuti adziwe kuti nthawi zonse ndimakhala naye pafupi ndipo akhoza kubwera kwa ine ngati akufuna chilichonse.
Monga mmene Naomi anasonyezera, muyenera kuyesetsa kuwachititsa kuti asuke ndi kuwasonyeza kuti mumawamvetsera bwino. Iyi ndi njira yabwino kwambiri momwe mkazi ayenera kuchitira mwamuna ndi kuvutika maganizo. Kukonda wina yemwe ali ndi vuto la kuvutika maganizo kudzafuna kuti mumvetsere khutu lanu kwa iwo nthawi iliyonse yomwe angafunikire ndikukhala omasuka monga momwe mungakhalire nawo.
6. Thandizani chibwenzi chanu chomwe chikuvutika maganizo pomutulutsa
Ngakhale bwenzi lanu likhoza kukana izi masiku ambiri, muyenera kumutulutsa panyumba zinthu zikawoneka bwino. Ngakhale atasankha kukhala okha ndikuletsa mapulani anu, muyenera kupitiriza kuwaitanira kuti abwere. Sangakuuzeni zomwe zili m'maganizo mwawo nthawi zonse, koma amakufunani ndipo amafunikira malo olimbikitsa omwe angabweretse zabwino mwa iwo.
Macheza komanso kucheza ndi anzanu kumatha kukhala kolimbikitsa ndipo nthawi zina kumakhala kofunikira kuti munthu achoke pamutu. Ngakhale kungokhala kupuma kwakanthawi, yesani kutulutsa chibwenzi chanu ndikumuwonetsa kuti dziko lapansi ndi malo odabwitsa naye momwemo.
7. Dzisamalireninso pamene chibwenzi chanu chili ndi nkhawa
Inde, inu mukuwerenga izo molondola. Musaiwale kuganizira za ubwino wanu pamene mukuyesera kuti mnzanuyo amve bwino. Nthawi yokhotakhota yotereyi imatha kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu otsika masiku ena koma muyenera kukhalabe olimba kwa inu ndi iye. Nandita anati: “N’zosavuta kuti utengeke ndi maganizo otsika ukaona kuti chibwenzi chako ndi chochepa, mwina ungakhumudwe n’kunena kuti, ‘Chibwenzi changa chikuvutika maganizo ndipo ndikuona kuti ndilibe chochita,’ kutanthauza kuti ndi nthawi yoti inunso muziganizira za ubwino wanu.
"Pezani nthawi yocheza nokha osati kungokhala pafupi ndi mnzanu nthawi zonse. Khalani otanganidwa, idyani zakudya zoyenera ndikupitiriza kubwereza kudzidalira kwanu ndi kudziwonetsera nokha mobwerezabwereza. Zingakhalenso zathanzi kupuma pang'ono kwa munthu wovutika maganizo. Uku sikusiyidwa, izi zidzawathandiza iwonso." Idyani bwino, muzigona bwino, ndipo muzichita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi zonse. Muyenera kuyesetsa kuti musataye mtima wanu weniweni kuti mupewe kudziwonongera ubale.
8. Mumatani ngati wokondedwa wanu ali wachisoni? Mulimbikitseni kupeza chithandizo chomwe akufunikira
Azimayi ambiri amatha kunena kuti, “Chibwenzi changa chikuvutika maganizo ndipo sapeza thandizo”, n’chifukwa chake amayenera kutenga udindo wonse wothandiza kuti azibwenzi awo azikhala bwino. Ngati chibwenzi chanu chikudwala matenda amisala, amafunikira thandizo la akatswiri, palibe kukayika. Choncho ngati mungathe, muyenera kumulimbikitsa kuchita zimenezi.
Akhoza kukana nthawi zambiri n’kusankha kusalankhula. Komabe, nthawi zonse ndikofunikira kupeza chithandizo choyenera pakafunikira. Izi zimachitika chifukwa choopa kuweruzidwa kapena kusamalidwa. Ayenera kudziwa kuti aliyense womuzungulira ali ndi zolinga zabwino kwambiri mumtima mwake.
Ngati bwenzi lanu likuvutika maganizo ndipo likuwonetsa zizindikiro, musadandaule. Tili ndi gulu la alangizi aluso, omwe angamuthandize kupanga njira yochira. Iwo ali chabe a dinani kutali.
Ibibazo
Mutha kuyesa zinthu zambiri kuti musangalatse bwenzi lanu. Muwonetseni filimu yomwe amamukonda, sewera naye masewera kapena mupite naye kunja kuti mukadye bwino. Ziribe kanthu zomwe mungachite, ndikofunikira kwambiri kumuwonetsa kuti muli naye pa chilichonse komanso kuti akhoza kudalira inu.
Muuzeni kuti mumamukonda ndi kumukhulupirira. Ayenera kumva kuti akhoza kukukhulupirirani ndi chilichonse ndipo muyenera kumutsimikiziranso chimodzimodzi. Mutsimikizireni kuti palibe njira yovuta m’dzikoli imene singadutse ndiponso kuti akhoza kugonjetsa chilichonse chimene waika maganizo ake.
Yesani kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi ndi mwamuna wanu. Nthawi zina, kungopuma mozama komanso bwino kwa mphindi zingapo kumapangitsa kuti zovutazo zikhale zosavuta kupirira. Mukhozanso kuchita zinthu zina zolimbitsa thupi kuti muchotse maganizo ake pa zinthu kapena kuyesa izi zinthu zosangalatsa kuchita ndi bwenzi lanu.
Kuti mnzanuyo amve bwino, mutha kuyesa zinthu zingapo. Chitani zomwe amakonda, mulimbikitseni kuti avale zovala zake zabwino kwambiri, ndi zina zotero. Koma chofunika kwambiri, mulole kuti alankhule ndi kukuuzani zakukhosi kwake. M’pofunika kwambiri kumulola kukambirana zakukhosi kwake popanda kuopa kuweruzidwa.
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