Wopenga Mkazi? Zizindikiro, Zifukwa ndi Njira Zothana Naye

Mavuto a m’banja si achilendo. Komabe, ngati ukwati wanu wayamba kuwoneka ngati mkuntho wopitirira womwe susiya kukwiya ndipo wakula pang'onopang'ono mpaka pamene mumamenyedwa, kunyozedwa, ndi kuzunzidwa, mungayambe chifukwa chomwe mnzanu yemwe munali kumukonda wayamba kuchita ngati mkazi wopenga kwambiri.  

Tsopano, musanatsike dzenje la kalulu la, "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga wapenga?", tikufuna kunena kuti kupenga si mawu omwe ayenera kuponyedwa mozungulira. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mkazi wanu ali ndi vuto lalikulu la matenda amisala ndipo akufunika thandizo, mumupezereni. Koma musamangonena kuti wachita zinthu molakwika chifukwa chakuti ndi wamisala ndipo musambe nkhani za m’banja mwanu ndi mawu akuti, “Mkazi wanga ndi wopanda pake!”

Zoonadi, ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wayamba kuchita zinthu zosayenera ndipo zayamba kusokoneza banja lanu, muyenera kupeza muzu wa nkhanizo. Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kutero ndi zidziwitso pazizindikiro, zoyambitsa, ndi malangizo amomwe mungathanirane ndi mkazi wamisala, mothandizidwa ndi upangiri wa akatswiri odziwika bwino a zamaganizo ndi akatswiri azaubwenzi.

Kodi Mkazi Wanga Wapenga? 9 Zizindikiro Iye Ali

Aliyense amakumana ndi kusinthasintha kwamalingaliro ndi kukwiya kwamalingaliro kamodzi pakanthawi. Kunena kuti, “Mkazi wanga ndi wosakhazikika m’maganizo” sikoyenera pamene akungopereka zosoŵa zake zoyenerera, akudutsa m’malo ovuta, kapena kusonyeza kufunikira kwake kwa zina. danga mu chiyanjano. Ngakhale ngati mkazi wanu achita zinthu mopambanitsa kapena kuchita zinthu zomwe sizili zofanana ndi zake, simungawachotse pomenya mkazi wopenga kapena woopsa.

Nthaŵi zambiri, pamakhala chifukwa chomveka cha kukwiya koteroko. Katswiri wa zaubwenzi Dr. John Gottman ananena kuti: “Kunyoza, kudzudzula, kudzitchinjiriza, ndi kukhomerera miyala kukakhala zinthu za nthawi zonse m’chibwenzi, zimasonyeza kuti pali vuto lalikulu.” Makhalidwe oipawa akhoza kuwononga kwambiri maganizo ndiponso kusakhazikika kwa ubale wawo,” anatero Dr. Okwera Pamahatchi Anayi: Kudzudzula, Kunyoza, Kuteteza, ndi Kuwombera Mwala.

Komabe, ngati ali wouma mtima ndipo amakakamira nthawi zonse, amakuponderezani, akukukalirani, kapena kukuchitirani nkhanza, ndiye kuti pali vuto chifukwa mkazi wolamulira akhoza kukuwonongani. Kodi makhalidwe amenewa akuyeneradi kunena kuti, “Ndikuganiza kuti mkazi wanga wapenga”? Yang'anani mozama pazizindikiro za misala muubwenzi ndikusankha nokha:

1. Amakuukirani nthawi zonse ndi mawu ake

Zinayamba ndi mawu achipongwe ndi mawu achipongwe, koma tsopano zasanduka zovulaza ndi zopweteka kunyozana paubwenzi. Palibe chomwe umachita ndichabwino, palibe chomwe umachita chimakhala chokwanira. Amapeza chifukwa chokuchitirani manyazi, kukunyozani, kapena kukuzunzani pa chilichonse chimene mumachita kapena simuchita. Zili ngati kuti mawu otuluka m’kamwa mwake akungofuna kukupwetekani komanso kuwononga kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika.

Ngati nthawi zonse amakutchulani mayina, kukusekani pagulu, kukukokomeza kapena kukulitsa zophophonya zanu, ndikukunyozani, ndikukunyozani, ndiye kuti muli m'banja lachipongwe ndipo mukudabwa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga amandichitira nkhanza chonchi?" Kudzudzula koyenera ndi chinthu chimodzi, koma zikatengera mawu oyipa, ankhanza, limakhala vuto.

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2. Iye akulamulira

Kufunika kudziletsa ndi chizindikiro cha mkazi wapoizoni yemwe akhoza kuchita misala. Iye sizingakupatseni danga kuti mukwaniritse zomwe mumakonda, kukumana ndi banja lanu, kapena kucheza ndi anzanu. Inde, kukhala pawekha kumaonedwa ngati ntchito yonyansa m’banja mwanu. Ngati zikuwoneka kuti nthawi zonse muyenera kuwerengera mphindi iliyonse ya nthawi yanu kwa mkazi wanu, muli ndi vuto lenileni, ndipo posachedwa muyenera kuphunzira momwe mungachitire ndi mkazi wopenga.

• Kodi amangokhala waukali kapena wokwiya ngati mukutsutsana naye ndikuchita zinazake?
• Kodi nthawi zonse amangoyang'anira zokambirana kapena zosankha zilizonse?
• Kodi amayesa kusonyeza kuti amadziwa bwino?
• Kodi zochita zake zimakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wolephera muubwenzi wanu?

Chabwino, ngati yankho la mafunso onsewa ndi 'inde', ndiye bwenzi langa, muli ndi vuto lalikulu. “Mnzanu amene amalamulira mbali iliyonse ya moyo wanu—kaya ndi amene mumalankhula naye, zimene mumavala, kapena kumene mukupita—amasonyeza khalidwe lapoizoni.” Kuwongolera kumeneku kaŵirikaŵiri kumazikidwa pakusasungika kwakukulu ndipo kungayambitse unansi wosokonekera kwambiri,” akutero katswiri wa zaukwati ndi banja Dr. Paul Hokemeyer.

3. Nthawi zonse amakukwiyirani pa chinachake

Amakwiya ngati zinthu sizikuyenda momwe iye akufunira kapena ngati zikuoneka kuti sakuzilamulira. Kulakwitsa pang'ono kapena kulakwitsa pang'ono ndikokwanira kumukankhira kuchokera m'mphepete ndikumupangitsa kuti akwiye. Kukwiya kosalekeza, kosalekeza ndi khalidwe lina limene lingakuchititseni kudziwononga, “Mkazi wanga akundichititsa misala.” Ngati achita mwaukali pa zinthu zazing’ono kapena zazing’ono, pamakhala vuto. Ngati mkwiyo wake wayamba kusokoneza moyo wanu mpaka kufika pamlingo wovuta kuti mukambirane naye bwinobwino, dziwani kuti muli m’banja loopsa.

4. Akuwopsezani kuti akuvulazani kangapo

Ziribe kanthu momwe manda mavuto mu ubale, chiwawa sichingakhale yankho. Ngati mkazi wanu wakuopsezani kuti akukuchitirani nkhanza kapena kukuvulazani kangapo, ndiye kuti sakudziwa ndipo simukulakwitsa kuganiza kuti, “Mkazi wanga ndi wosakhazikika maganizo.” Izi zikachitika kapena zakuchitikirani, tikukupemphani kuti mupeze thandizo la akatswiri kapena zamalamulo mwachangu. Kukhalabe paubwenzi komwe kuli chiwopsezo chokhazikika cha nkhanza zakuthupi kungawononge thanzi lanu lamalingaliro. Mkazi wanu akuika chitetezo chanu pachiswe, chomwe ndi cholakwa.

5. Nthawi zambiri amakunyalanyazani kapena kukunyamulirani

Nthawi zambiri mumakumana ndi mayankho kapena mawu ngati,

• “Sindinanene zimenezo”
• “Sindinachite izi”
• “Mukupanga zinthu”
• “Zimene ukunenazi sizinachitike”
• "Ukukumbukira molakwika"
• “Lekani kukhala omvera”

Ngati yankho liri 'inde' ndiye kuti ndinu wozunzidwa kuyatsa gasi. Mudzadzikayikira nokha, poganiza kuti mwina ndinu amene mwalakwitsa. Mudzasokonezeka ndikusowa chochita ndipo pamapeto pake mudzadzifunsa kuti ndinu oganiza bwino. Pamene mukuyesera kuima nokha, mkazi wanu akhoza kungokupatsani phewa lozizira kwa masiku angapo.

Zotsatira za khalidwe lotereli n’lakuti simudziwa n’komwe chifukwa chimene akukunyalanyazani. Dr. Ramani Durvasula ananena kuti: “Mnzanu akamayatsa gasi, n’kumakutsutsani nthawi zonse kapena kukuchititsani kudzikayikira, ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu kuti mukuvutitsidwa maganizo, ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa kuti munthu awonongeke kwa nthaŵi yaitali,” anatero Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

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6. Amakonda kusokoneza maganizo kwambiri

Mkazi wapoizoni wochita zinthu mwamisala samangogwiritsa ntchito mawu ndi zochita zake kulamulira moyo wanu komanso adzaseweretsa maganizo kuti akusokonezeni maganizo. Atha kugwiritsa ntchito kudziimba mlandu, manyazi, kapena kukunyengererani kuti muchite zomwe akufuna. Izi zitha kuphatikiza,

• Kusewera wozunzidwayo
• Nthawi zonse kupotoza zochitika kuti mumve kuti ndinu wochititsa kusasangalala kwake
• Kukokomeza zinthu kuti mumvetsere chisoni ndi kulamulira

7. Ndi wansanje kwambiri komanso wopotoka maganizo

Nsanje m’banja Mosakayikira zimasokoneza ndipo zimasokoneza mgwirizano pakati pa okondedwa chifukwa zimawononga maziko okhulupirirana omwe ali ndi maubwenzi abwino. Ngati mkazi wanu akuwonetsa nsanje yoopsa yomwe imamupangitsa kuti azikuimbani mlandu nthawi zonse kuti ndinu osakhulupirika kapena kuti akazitape popanda chifukwa chenicheni, zitha kuwonetsa nkhani yozama. Khalidwe lotengeka mtimali litha kupangitsa kuti anthu azisokoneza zinsinsi. Angamve ngati ali ndi ufulu wowonera foni yanu kapena maakaunti azama TV mokakamiza. Kukwiyitsidwa kwa zonsezi kungakupangitseni kukwera khoma, kunena kuti, "Mkazi wanga akundichititsa misala."

8. Amasinthasintha pakati pa chikondi ndi chidani

Kusinthasintha kwamalingaliro ndi zina mwa zizindikiro za khalidwe losakhazikika. Mungaone kuti mkazi wanu amaonetsa khalidwe lotentha ndi lozizira popanda chifukwa chodziŵika chimene chikuchititsa kusintha kwakukulu kumeneku m’malingaliro ake kwa inu. Mphindi imodzi amakhala wachikondi ndi wokonda mphindi imodzi ndiyeno amadana kapena atalikirana naye. Izi zikuwonetsa kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro ndipo zimatha kukupangitsani kukhala osokonezeka, oda nkhawa, komanso kuyenda pa zipolopolo za mazira, osadziŵa chimene chingayambitse mkwiyo wake wotsatira.

Katswiri wina wa zamaganizo Dr. Harriet Lerner analemba m'buku lake kuti: “Kusasunthika maganizo, pamene mnzako asiya kukondana kwambiri n'kufika pa chidani choopsa, kungachititse mnzakeyo kuda nkhawa kwambiri. Kuvina Kwa Mkwiyo: Buku Lamayi Losintha Makhalidwe A Ubwenzi Wapamtima.

9. Amasokoneza kupambana kwanu

Simunalakwe polengeza kuti, “Mkazi wanga ndi wamisala”, ngati asokoneza zolinga zanu, maloto anu, kapena kukulepheretsani kukula, kaya pawekha kapena akatswiri. Sizimangosonyeza kufuna kulamulira komanso ndi nkhani chizindikiro cha mkazi wosatetezeka. Kaya ndi kunyoza zomwe mwakwaniritsa, kukulepheretsani kufunafuna mwayi, kapena kuyambitsa mwadala mavuto omwe amakulepheretsani kuganizira kwambiri, khalidwe loipali likufuna kukulepheretsani kuchita bwino.

Zifukwa 7 Zomwe Mkazi Wanu Akuchita Zopenga

Sikophweka kupirira mkazi wanu kusonyeza khalidwe losalongosoka kapena “openga” khalidwe. Komanso simungangolengeza kuti, “Mkazi wanga ndi wamisala”, sambani m’manja pa chinthu chonsecho, ndikupitirizabe ndi moyo wanu ngati kuti palibe cholakwika. Ndipo simuyenera kutero chifukwa izi zimawoneka ngati zopenga, pomwe sizingatheke sizigwira ntchito.

"Tikachita manyazi, mantha, kapena kusadzidalira, nthawi zambiri timayankha ndi makhalidwe omwe amawoneka ngati opanda nzeru kapena owononga. Maganizo amenewa, ngati sakuthandizidwa, amatha kupanga machitidwe omwe amavulaza okwatirana onse," analemba motero wofufuza komanso wolemba Dr. Brene Brown. Kulimba Mtima Kwambiri: Momwe Kulimba Mtima Kukhala pachiopsezo Kumasintha Mmene Timakhalira, Chikondi, Makolo, ndi Kutsogolera.

Choncho, musalole kuti zochita za mkazi wanu zizikuchititsani kukonda kwambiri kapena kusiya ukwati wanu. Mwayi, ndi njira yoyenera ya momwe mungachitire ndi mkazi wopenga, mungapeze njira yopulumutsira ukwati wanu. Ulendowu umayamba ndikumvetsetsa komwe mkazi wapoizoniyu amachokera. Nazi zifukwa 7 zomwe zingatheke:

1. Zosowa zamaganizo zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe

Kunyalanyaza mwamalingaliro kapena kusapezeka kwa chilimbikitso chamalingaliro kungapangitse mkazi wanu kuchitapo kanthu chifukwa zosoŵa zake za chikondi, chifundo, ndi kugwirizana sizikukwaniritsidwa. Ngati akumva kuti sakumva, osayamikiridwa, kapena kutengedwa mopepuka, zitha kubweretsa zilonda zam'maganizo mobwerezabwereza zomwe zingayambitse makhalidwe olakwika monga,

• Chikhalidwe chimasintha
• Kuchita mopambanitsa
• Kuphulika kwamalingaliro

Katswiri wina wa zamaganizo, dzina lake Dr. Ndigwireni Kwambiri: Zokambirana Zisanu ndi Ziwiri za Moyo Wachikondi Wamuyaya.

2. Amamva kupsinjika ndi kuthedwa nzeru

Ngakhale mu nthawi ndi m'badwo uno pamene pali kwambiri kuganizira kutanthauziranso maudindo a jenda ndi kulimbikitsa kufanana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi, ntchito za akazi ndizochuluka kuposa za amuna. Akazi ambiri amachita zinthu zosiyanasiyana—mayi, ntchito, wosamalira pakhomo, wolera, ndi zina zotero. Ngati mkazi wanu nayenso wakhala akugwira ntchito zonsezi popanda chichirikizo chokwanira, angadzimve kukhala wothedwa nzeru ndi ziyembekezo zimene anapatsidwa. Kukakamizika kuyesa kulinganiza chilichonse popanda kupuma kungam'pangitse kuchitapo kanthu. Kupsinjika uku kungamupangitse kukhala,

• Osakwiya
• Wodetsa nkhawa
• Zosayembekezereka m'machitidwe ake

“Kupsinjika maganizo kosalekeza kochokera ku zitsenderezo zakunja—ntchito, kulera ana, nkhaŵa zandalama—kungayambitse kuipidwa, kusinthasintha kwa maganizo, ndi khalidwe losadziŵika bwino mwa mwamuna kapena mkazi.” Kupsinjika maganizo kukapanda kuthetsedwa, kungawononge unansiwo ndi kuyambitsa makhalidwe amene amaoneka ngati ‘openga’ kwa mnzakeyo,” akutero katswiri wa zaubwenzi Dr. Terri Orbuch.

3. Kusakwanira kwa mahomoni

Mahomoni ndi ofunikira kwambiri pakuwongolera malingaliro athu ndikuzindikira momwe malingaliro athu alili. Kusintha kwa timadzi ta m’thupi chifukwa cha kukhala ndi pakati, kusamba, kutha msinkhu, kapena kutha kwa msambo kungakhudze kwambiri mkhalidwe wamaganizo ndi khalidwe la mkazi, kupangitsa kusinthasintha maganizo, kuipidwa, kapena kutengeka maganizo. Kusintha kumeneku kungapangitse mkazi wanu kuwoneka ngati wosokonezeka kapena "wopenga" kwa inu.

Ngati mwakhala mukudzifunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga amandichitira nkhanza nthawi zina?” kapena "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga akuchita ngati mwana?", Samalani ngati pali kusintha kwa thupi komwe kungapangitse kuti mahomoni ake awonongeke. Ngati ndi choncho, muyenera kuganizira kwambiri za mmene mungamuthandizire osati mmene mungachitire ndi mkazi wopenga.

4. Mikangano yosathetsedwa

N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga amandiwombera pa chilichonse? N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga ndi wankhanza komanso wowawa? N’chifukwa chiyani nthawi zonse amayenera kukhala wonyoza? Ngati awa ndi mafunso omwe akubweretsani pano, muyenera kufufuza ngati alipo mikangano yosathetsedwa m’banja mwanu zomwe zitha kupangitsa mkazi wanu kuchita zinthu mosayembekezereka.

Kukhumudwa ndi kukwiyitsidwa komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika, kusagwirizana pazachuma, kapena kusiyanasiyana kwamalingaliro kumatha kuwonekera ndipo nthawi zina kumaphulika. M’malo mothetsa zifukwa zake, iye angakalipe, kupangitsa khalidwe lake kukhala lopanda nzeru.

5. Kusayamikira 

Ngati mkazi wanu akumva ngati simumva kumuyamikira kapena kuthandizira kwake kuti ukwati wanu ndi moyo wanu wapakhomo ukhale wabwino, iye angakhale akukwiyirani ndi kukukwiyirani kapena kuyamba kuchita zinthu monga njira yokokera chisamaliro ku kusakhutira kwake. Kupereka nthawi zonse popanda kuyamikira kungachititse munthu kudziona ngati wosaoneka.

Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, yemwe anayambitsa bungwe la The Gottman Institute, anati: “Pakapita nthawi, kusayamikira ndiponso kunyalanyazidwa kungachititse munthu kuipidwa ndiponso kuipidwa. Malingaliro awa amatha kukulirakulira ngati mumakonda kuchepetsa udindo wake ndi zopereka zake ndi mawu ndi zochita zanu monga kusayamika khama lake kuti akonzeretu kufalikira kwa inu Lamlungu kapena kukana kunena kuti, "Chabwino ndi chiyani pamenepo?"

6. Zoyembekeza zosakwaniritsidwa m’banja

Tonsefe timakhala paubwenzi ndi ziyembekezo zinazake, zimene zikapanda kukwaniritsidwa zingayambitse kukhumudwa, kupwetekedwa mtima, kukhumudwa, ndi kusokonezeka. Kaya zokhudzana ndi kulumikizana kwamalingaliro, maudindo ogawana, kapena zolinga zamtsogolo, zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe ziyembekezo mu ubale Angathe kukhumudwitsa, kumusiya akudzimva kuti waperekedwa kapena wosocheretsedwa. Kukhumudwa kobwera chifukwa cha kulemetsedwa kwa ziyembekezo zosakwaniritsidwa ndi zimene munayembekezera kukhoza kungachititse mkazi wanu kufotokoza maganizo ake m’njira yooneka yosayenera kapena yonyanyira.

7. Matenda a maganizo

Mavuto a m'maganizo monga nkhawa, kuvutika maganizo, kapena mikhalidwe monga borderline personality disorder, ingapangitse khalidwe la munthu kuwoneka losamveka kapena losamveka. Ngati mkazi wanu akulimbana ndi matenda osachiritsika / osadziwika bwino, khalidwe lake likhoza kusinthasintha, zomwe zimayambitsa kusamvana ndi mikangano. Ndikofunikira kutengera khalidwe lotere mwachifundo ndikupempha thandizo la akatswiri ngati kuli kofunikira. Osagwiritsa ntchito mawu ngati akuti “Mkazi wanga ndi wosakhazikika m’maganizo” pofuna kumunyoza kapena kuona kuti matenda ake ndi osayenera.

Malangizo 9 a Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Mkazi Wopenga

Ngati zonse zomwe takambiranazi zikuoneka kuti n’zogwirizana, palibe kukana kuti khalidwe la mkazi wanu likuyambitsa mavuto m’banja mwanu. Komabe, izi sizikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu sudzatha. Ngati zinthu sizinafike pochita nkhanza zakuthupi kapena zamalingaliro ndipo mukufuna kupulumutsa ubalewo, pali zinthu zingapo zomwe mungachite kuti muthane ndi vutoli.

Sitidzakuvekani izo. Zidzakhala zovuta kutembenuza zanu kulamulira mkazi kukhala munthu wokondeka amene munakwatirana naye. Choncho, sungani ndi kuwerenga kuti mudziwe zomwe mungachite kuti mutenge zidutswazo ndikupewa kuwonongeka kwina kwaukwati wanu. Nawa malangizo othandiza momwe mungachitire ndi mkazi wopusa:

1. Yesetsani kukhala ochirikiza maganizo m'banja

Chinthu choyamba chimene mungachite pamene mukuyesera kuti zinthu ziyende bwino ndi mkazi yemwe wakhala akuchita misala ndi kusafika pa msinkhu wake. Ngati wokondedwa wanu alibe nthawi yabwino kwambiri, muyenera kukwera ndikukhala mzati wothandizira omwe angatsamire. Ngati satha kupuma, mukhazikitse mtima pansi. Ngati sangathe kukhala chete, falitsani mkhalidwewo momwe mungathere. Muyenera kukonza zinthu, osati kufanana ndi mphamvu zake. Mukakwiya monga momwe iye amachitira, zotsatira zake zimakhala 'amene amakuwa kwambiri' machesi omwe palibe amene amapambana.

Sizingathandize aliyense wa inu ngati mungoyang'ana maso ndi kung'ung'udza pansi pa mpweya wanu, "Mkazi wanga ndi mtedza!" pamene iye ali mu umodzi wa maganizo ake kachiwiri. Dr. John Gottman analemba m'buku lake kuti: “Mmodzi ayenera kukhala wolimbikitsa kwambiri pachibwenzi.” Pamene maganizo akumakula, mukhoza kusankha kuti musamakhale wodekha, womvetsa zinthu, ndiponso wopezekapo. Mfundo Zisanu ndi Ziwiri Zothandiza Kuti Ukwati Ugwire Ntchito.

2. Dziperekeni kupanga ubale wabwino kwambiri

Ngati simungathe kupeza mayankho pakali pano, kunyengererani. Ngati ulemu suwoneka, perekani. Pamene tsiku lililonse likumva ngati nkhondo, pitirizani kumenyana. Tikudziwa kuti nzosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Koma mukakhala ndi malingaliro okhazikika, kuthekera kwa kukonza chikondi chanu amapita makoko angapo pamwamba.

Muuzeni mkazi wanu kuti simukusiya chibwenzicho ndipo ndinu wokonzeka kuchita chilichonse chimene chingatheke kuti mukonze. Simudzabwereranso ku nthawi yaukwati, koma ndani akudziwa, mwina mudzafika pachikondi chozama? Komanso, simudziwa kuti mkazi wanu angayesetse kuti azimukonda ataona khama limene mwakhala mukuchita kuti banja lanu liziyenda bwino. Akhoza kusanduka mkazi wopenga chifukwa cha mwamuna wake.

3. Musalole kuti chibwenzi chife pang'onopang'ono

Ndikuganiza kuti mkazi wanga wapenga. Musayandikire vuto ndi mkhalidwe umenewu chifukwa sudzakufikitsani kulikonse. Mavuto akasiyidwa, amangokulirakulira. Mukazindikira kuti ubalewo ukufunika kugwira ntchito, yesetsani nthawi yomweyo. Sichidzakuchitirani ubwino uliwonse ngati inu nthawizonse mumadziuza nokha, “Mkazi wanga ndi wamtedza.”

Osadikirira kuti zinthu zikhale zosavuta kapena bwino paokha. Iwo sangatero mpaka inu mutawapanga iwo. Ngati mukuwoneka kuti mukuipiraipira, muyenera kuganizira momwe mungamuthandizire kumva bwino. Osadikirira kuti afike pachimake chifukwa palibe kubwerera kuchokera pamenepo. Muyenera kuchitapo kanthu kuti zinthu ziyende bwino m'malo mozikulitsa mwakulankhula mawu ngati amisala, amisala, kapena amisala. Tangoganizani ngati nsapatoyo inali pa phazi lina? Simungafune kuti anthu azikuchitirani zimenezi, si choncho?

Katswiri wina wa zaubwenzi Dr. Terri Orbuch ananena kuti: “Ndi bwino kumangokhalira kuwononga ubwenzi wanu m’malo mousiya kuti usokonezeke.” Kuchita zinthu zing’onozing’ono, monga kumvetsera mwatcheru, kusonyeza kuyamikira, ndiponso kupeza nthawi yocheza ndi wina ndi mnzake, kungalepheretse ubwenziwo kuti usathe.

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4. Yesani kupeza chifukwa chake izi zikuchitika

Kulankhulana kumathandiza ubale uliwonse. Pamene onse awiri ali ndi zokambirana zolimbikitsa, amayandikira sitepe imodzi kuti apeze chifukwa chomwe chayambitsa ndewu kapena zomwe zimatchedwa misala. Choncho, yesetsani kufika pansi pomwe khalidwe lake likuchokera.

• Kodi ndi wosatetezeka?
• Kodi ali ndi nkhawa?
• Kodi akuyembekezera zochuluka kuchokera kwa inu?

Zisonyezeni, ndipo yesetsani kukonza chifukwa ngati simutero, zingawononge thanzi lanu la maganizo ndi mtendere wamaganizo, ndipo pamapeto pake, zidzawononga ukwati wanu. “Kulankhulana moona mtima n’kofunika kwambiri paubwenzi uliwonse, koma kungachititse munthu kudziteteza.” Ngakhale kuti kukhala woona mtima n’kofunika, n’kofunikanso kuyesetsa kuti musamavutike maganizo ndipo musalole kuti zikulepheretseni kuphunzira choonadi,” anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Harriet Lerner.

5. Khalani owona mtima, koma yembekezerani kubweza mmbuyo

Poganiza kuti mkazi wanu wachita zinthu mopanda nzeru, m’pomveka kuti angakwiyireni ngati mumuuza zakukhosi kwanu kapena kufotokoza maganizo anu. Tikukhulupirira kuti ndi chinthu chokhumudwitsa komanso chokwiyitsa kwambiri kwa inu, ndikukupangitsani kudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga wapenga chonchi?" Koma bwanji osasintha malingaliro anu ndikuchitapo kanthu pankhaniyi ndi cholinga chothetsa. Lankhulani naye pamene ali bwino, mufunseni kuti anene moona mtima, ndipo onetsetsani kuti nayenso akumva mbali yanu.

6. Osadzimvera chisoni

“N’chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga wapenga? Awa ndi malingaliro odziwika omwe, tikutsimikiza, mwina akudutsa m'maganizo mwanu. Ndiwe munthu, udzamva chisoni. Ngati mkazi wanu anena zinthu zopweteka, zimakukhumudwitsani. N’kwachibadwa kumva choncho.

Mumaloledwa kukhala achisoni kapena okhumudwa kapena okwiya, koma musalole kuti malingalirowa apitirire kapena kukupezani bwino ngati mukufuna kuti banja liziyenda bwino. Osadzimvera chisoni. Ngati mungalole kuti mukhalebe mumkhalidwe wamisala, zinthu zimakhala zovuta kukwaniritsa. Ngakhale mutakhala kuti mukunama, ikani kumwetulira ndikuyendetsa basi. 

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7. Osathawa

Chiyeso chosiya zochitika zaupandu (werengani: chipinda chogona) ndikuzizira nokha nthawi zina zimatha kukhala zolemetsa. Nthawi zina, mukasiya mkangano pakati, simungakwaniritse chilichonse. Khama lanu lonse lidzapita pansi. M'malo mwake, mutha kungowonjezera mkhalidwewo. Koma nthawi zina, ndi bwino kubwerera m'mbuyo ndi kuziziritsa musanakumanenso, nthawi ino modekha komanso moganizira.

Monga tanenera kale, muyenera kutero sonyezani kuleza mtima Izi ndizofanana ndi a Dalai Lama. Mukudabwa choti muchite ngati mkazi wanu 'apenga'? Osamutaya. Yesani kukonza mkangano musanagone. Musalole kuti izi zipitirire ngati khansara yomwe ikuwola chiyanjano kuchokera mkati. Dulani ndikutaya. Mutha kugona bwino osadzuka ndikumverera kolemetsa komwe kumakhala pachifuwa chanu.

8. Pemphani ulemu, ndipo mudzalandira!

Mukamva mnzanu akutuluka, pezani pansi pazomwe zikumuvutitsa ndipo yesani kuchitapo kanthu mukukhalabe wozizira. Ndi anthu okha kufuna mlingo womwewo wa ulemu kubwerera. Muuzeni mnzanuyo kuti mukufuna kuchitiridwa ulemu womwewo womwe mumamupatsa.

Kufunika kwa ulemu muubwenzi sizinganenedwe mopambanitsa. Mkazi wanu ayenera kuzindikira mfundo yosavuta imeneyi. Ubwenzi wopanda ulemu udzawoneka ngati wopanda pake komanso wowopsa, ndipo mnzake wosalemekezedwa amadzimva kuti wanyozedwa ndi kuzunzidwa. Pamene ulemu umayenda mbali zonse ziwiri muubwenzi, kulankhulana kumakhala kosavuta komanso momwemonso momwe zimakhalira pa chakudya chamadzulo. Ndipo kodi chimenecho si chinthu choyenera aliyense?

9. Pezani thandizo la akatswiri

Musamachite manyazi kupempha thandizo la akatswiri ngati zinthu sizikuyenda bwino. Katswiri wa zachipatala adzatha kukuthandizani nonse kuti mukhale osangalala komanso okhutira muubwenzi. Ngati mulankhulana ndi mkazi wanu kufunika kopeza chithandizo cha akatswiri, zingangosintha tsogolo la ukwati wanu kukhala labwino.

Esther Perel, yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, ananena kuti: “Kufunafuna thandizo kwa akatswiri si chizindikiro cha kufooka, koma ndi mphamvu.

Nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndi malingaliro ngati "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga wapenga?", , kapena "Chavuta ndi chiyani ndi mkazi wanga?" zitha kukhala zokhumudwitsa komanso zolemetsa. Osazengereza kufikira kwa mlangizi wamabanja kapena psychotherapist kuti akuthandizeni. Dzilembetseni ku chithandizo cha maanja. Mulungu akudziwa kuti mutha kugwiritsa ntchito thandizo lina. Kuwonetsa kuleza mtima kwakukulu kuyenera kuti kwakufikani kwenikweni pofika pano. Ngati mukukhala mumkhalidwe wotere, gulu la Bonobology la akatswiri omwe ali ndi zilolezo komanso odziwa bwino ntchito ndi gulu lokha. dinani kutali.

Maganizo Final

Kuchita ndi mkazi wanu kungakhale kovuta, koma kumayamba ndi njira zosavuta monga kusamutcha kuti wamisala. Mukapitiriza kunena, m'pamenenso mumasiya malo oti muyesetse kukonza zinthu mogwira mtima. N’kutheka kuti satha kumvetsa zimene akukumana nazo. Kumutcha kuti wamisala, makamaka panthawiyi, ndi wodzikonda komanso wosaganizira. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mutha kukhalabe oziziritsa komanso kuthana ndi mavuto anu, chikondi chimafunikira chilichonse chomwe mungapereke.

Lumphani ndi mapazi onse awiri, osayang'ana phiri lomwe muyenera kuligonjetsa, litengeni tsiku limodzi panthawi. Ngati mkazi wanu akukumana ndi zovuta, ndiye kuti amakufunani kuposa kale. Akufunika thandizo lanu, koma sakudziwa kuti akufunika kapena kudziwa momwe angapemphere. Lowani ndikuchita zomwe zikufunika. Kodi ndi mmene ukwati umakhalira? Kumbukirani kuti chikondi n’choleza mtima, n’chokoma mtima. Chikondi chimapirira nthawi zonse.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.