Nthawi Yochoka Pambuyo Kusakhulupirika: Zizindikiro 10 Zoyenera Kudziwa

Palibe chomwe chingawononge ubale wanu kuposa kunyengedwa. Kuperekedwa ndi mnzanu kungayambitse ululu, kupweteka, manyazi, ndi mkwiyo, koma mutatha kukonza maganizo anu, funso lalikulu limakhala lalikulu - ndi liti pamene mungachoke pambuyo pa chigololo? Ndipo chofunika kwambiri n’chakuti, kodi n’koyenera kukhalabe pachibwenzi mutanamizidwa?

Zoona zake n'zakuti ndi maubwenzi ochepa chabe omwe amakhalapo panthawi yachinyengo. Izi zili choncho chifukwa wobera mnzake samangopereka malumbiro a m'banja kapena ubale wodzipereka, koma amaphwanya maziko a ubale - kukhulupirirana ndi kukhulupirika. Ngakhale okwatirana abwererananso, mkhalidwe waukwati pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika umakhalabe wosalimba ndipo mthunzi wa kuwirikiza ndi mabodza udzapitirirabe pamwamba pawo, kusokoneza kuyanjana kwawo kosatha.

Ngati muli ndi nkhawa kuti mungakhalebe pachibwenzi mutanamizidwa kapena kupitilira, tikubweretserani zizindikiro 10 zomwe zikuwonetsa kuti kuwonongeka kwa paradiso wanu wachikondi kungakhale koopsa kwambiri kuti musathe. Ngati mungagwirizane ndi izi, dziwani kuti kuchokapo pambuyo pa chigololo kungakhale njira yabwino kwambiri kwa inu ndi mnzanuyo kusiyana ndi kukoka chibwenzi choopsa.

Zotsatira Za Kusakhulupirika Mu Ubwenzi

The zotsatira za chibwenzi kunja kwa banja kapena kubera pachibwenzi kumabweretsa mthunzi woyipa kwa onse awiri. Kaya mukuyesera kukonza ubale kapena kuchoka kwa wachinyengo, simungapewe zotsatira za kusakhulupirika. Chochitika chamsangacho chingakhale mkwiyo wosalamulirika ndi ululu woŵaŵa, limodzi ndi nsanje yoopsa. Padzakhala mikangano yokwera kwambiri, kuponyera ndi kuswa zinthu kuzungulira nyumba, ndi kutuluka kunja.

Koma chimachitika ndi chiyani 1 chaka chitatha kusakhulupirika? Nonse mutatha kugwedezeka koyamba, pamapeto pake vomerezani kuti zidachitika ndikuyesera kupeza njira yothanirana nazo. Kwa anthu ena, ukwati sukhalanso chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Okwatirana ena amasankha kupatukana kwakanthaŵi kuti aganizire za mkhalidwewo. Ena anganene kuti, “Sindinakopeka ndi mwamuna wanga atachita zachinyengo” kapena “Sindimadzimva chimodzimodzi ndi mkazi wanga chifukwa chakuti ananyenga.”

Pokhapokha ngati mnzanuyo ali ndi ndalama zokwanira kukonza ubale wanu, kudzidalira, nkhawa, kukhumudwa, komanso nkhani za trust akhoza kukukhudzani kwambiri. Ngakhale mutasankha kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wachinyengo, kusatetezeka chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kumapitirizabe kukula ndikukhudza maubwenzi anu onse amtsogolo.

A phunziro kutengera mayankho a ophunzira 232 aku koleji akuwonetsa kuti kusakhulupirika kumabweretsa khalidwe loipa (monga kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo), mwa amayi kuposa amuna. Phunziro pa ziwerengero zachisudzulo zikusonyeza kuti 85% ya maanja adasiyana chifukwa chosadzipereka, pomwe 58% adatchula kusakhulupirika monga chifukwa chomwe adasudzulana.

Katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia Panthaŵi ina analankhula ndi Bonobology pankhani imeneyi, iye anati: “Zotulukapo zoyamba ndi zanthaŵi yaitali za kubera paubwenzi n’zosiyana kwambiri ndi wina ndi mnzake.” Muukwati wodzipereka kwa mwamuna mmodzi, kuchitapo kanthu koyamba pambuyo pa kunyenga kumakhala kupwetekedwa mtima kwambiri.

“M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mavuto otere obwera chifukwa chobera pachibwenzi amachititsa munthu kudzikayikira komanso kuda nkhawa kwambiri. kusatetezeka atanyengedwa zimakhudzanso maubwenzi amtsogolo. Chifukwa chakuti anachitiridwa chipongwe, munthu angavutike kukhulupirira mnzake wa m’tsogolo mosavuta. Zidzawavuta kudziŵa ngati mnzawoyo ali woona mtima ndipo kufunika kwa kuona mtima kungasowe m’chibwenzi.”

Kodi Ubale Umakhalabe Pambuyo pa Kusakhulupirika?

Nthaŵi zonse pamene munthu wasochera m’banja, zotsatirapo za chigololo kwa nthaŵi yaitali zingakhale zazikulu. Nthawi zambiri, kuchoka kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo ndiko njira yofala kwambiri. Koma sikuyenera kutero.

Tania Kawood, sing’anga ndi mlangizi wapadziko lonse, anati, “Kukondana sikuyenera kuchitika m’maukwati oipa okha; ngakhale maubwenzi abwino angayang’anizane ndi nthaŵi yochitira chinyengo ndi mnzanu. mafunso oti mufunse mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wosakhulupirika kuti aone zimene akuyembekezera kwa inu ndi chibwenzicho, ndiyeno kusankha ngati angachokeko pambuyo pa chigololo.”

Malinga ndi Tania, kukambirana kumeneko n’kofunika. Ngakhale kuti kupweteka kwa kusakhulupirika sikumachoka, ngati okwatirana akufuna kukonza ubale wawo ndikuchiritsadi, n'zotheka kuyamba mwatsopano ndipo, mwinamwake, kutuluka mwamphamvu kwambiri. “Nthawi zina a ukwati umene umapulumuka pachibwenzi amakhala bwino chifukwa okwatiranawo amazindikira zomwe atsala pang’ono kutaya ndipo angayesetse kusabwereza zolakwa,” akuwonjezera motero.

Kodi banja lingapulumuke bwanji osakhulupirika? Chinthu choyamba chokhudza kukonzanso ubwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wosakhulupirika ndicho kukhala wofunitsitsa kukhululuka ndi kuiwala zochita zake. Kwa ambiri, kuvomereza pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kungakhale kosatheka, koma pali omwe angayang'ane chithunzi chachikulu.

Kuchita zimenezi kumafuna kukhwima maganizo, luso lolankhulana moona mtima, kufunitsitsa kutengapo mbali pa zimene wachita, ndi kumasuka kufunafuna thandizo lakunja (mankhwala). Zoonadi, zambiri zimadalira yemwe akubera nayenso - kodi ali wodzimvera chisoni ndipo akufuna kukonza? Kapena pali mwayi woti asocherenso? Ngati zili zomalizira, ndiye kuti mnzake woberedwayo ayenera kudziwa nthawi yoti achoke popanda kumupatsa mpata wina woti asiye kukhulupirirana.

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Njira 10 Zomvetsetsa Nthawi Yoti Muchoke Pambuyo Pochita Chibwenzi

Mukayang'anizana ndi kusakhulupirika, kaya ndi nkhani yamalingaliro kapena yakuthupi, padzakhala phokoso lamalingaliro mkati mwanu. Pakhoza kukhala malo ovuta kukhalamo, makamaka ngati kubera ndi vuto lomwe limabwerezedwa muubwenzi wanu. Kukumana ndi mnzako yemwe akuwonetsa chenjezo la chinyengo chambiri sizophweka kapena zopweteka.

Anthu ambiri amavutika kupeza nthawi yochoka m'banja chifukwa chikakamizo cha anthu ndi achibale kuti "chiyendetse" chimatsutsana ndi malingaliro awo osiyana ndi mkwiyo kwa mnzawo amene adawapereka. Lingaliro la nthawi yochoka pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi momwe mungachitire kuyenera kutsatiridwa ndi malingaliro anu pa mnzanuyo.

Osalola munthu wina kapena kukakamizidwa ndi anthu kuti asokoneze chiweruzo chanu chifukwa ndiye kuti moyo wanu uli pachiwopsezo. Ngati mukuvutika kuti mudziwe ngati musiye ukwati wosweka kapena kukhalabe, nazi mfundo zingapo zimene zingakuthandizeni kusankha zochita:

1. Pamene wokondedwa wanu sakukhululuka

Ngakhale mutakhala ndi mtima waukulu ndipo mukulolera kunyalanyaza mchitidwe wachinyengo, sizingakhale kanthu pokhapokha ngati mnzanuyo akupepesa chifukwa cha kusazindikira kwake. Kupepesa moona mtima pa cholakwa ndicho sitepe yoyamba. Chachiŵiri ndicho kusankha ngati mungavomereze kupepesa.

Kusadzimvera chisoni kotheratu kungasonyeze kuti mnzanuyo sanong’oneza bondo chifukwa chopereka chikhulupiriro chanu. Komanso, zitha kukhala zotheka kuti alibe chidwi chopitiliza ubale ndi inu. Ngati ndi choncho, ndiye kuti ndi bwino kuti mutengere mfundo za makhalidwe abwino. Wa mnzako kunyenga wolakwa kapena kusowa kwake kungakuthandizeni kudziwa nthawi yoyenera kuchokapo mutachita chigololo.

2. Mukazindikira kuti simuwakondanso

Monga tanenera kale, mnzanu wosakhulupirika angawononge chikhulupiriro chanu m’chikondi. Mukakumana ndi kusakhulupirika, yesetsani kuzindikira mmene mukumvera kwenikweni. Kodi kusakhulupirika kwawononga kudzidalira kwanu? Kodi mumadzimva kuti ndinu osweka mtima kapena mungathe kuunika bwinobwino mmene zinthu zilili?

Kugwa m'chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi yankho lofala kwambiri chifukwa mungafunse mfundo yonse yoyika malingaliro anu mwa munthu amene samawabwezera. Mukazindikira kuti mulibenso malingaliro pa iwo ndi pamene muchokapo pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika.

3. Pamene palibe wa inu amene akufuna kuchitapo kanthu

Kukonza ubale wowonongeka kumafuna kufunitsitsa, kufuna, ndi khama. Zingaphatikizepo zinthu zambiri, kuyambira kukambitsirana moona mtima koma kovuta mpaka kufunafuna thandizo kwa dokotala. Kusakhulupirika kukawononga maziko a ubale, ndikofunikira kuzindikira ngati ukwati wanu uli woyenera kupulumutsidwa.

Ngati mukumva kuti mwatopa kwambiri m'maganizo kapena m'maganizo, zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro kuti ndi nthawi yoti muchoke pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Mwina, mkati, nonse mukudziwa kuti ndi nthawi yoti mukoke pulagi ndipo palibe kulowererapo komwe kungapulumutse.

4. Anthu amene amakukondanidi akamakufunsani kuti musiye

Ngakhale kupanga chisankho cha nthawi yochoka pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi kuyitana kwanu nokha, musanyalanyaze malingaliro a omwe amakufunirani zabwino. Ndikwachibadwa kuuzako zakukhosi kwanu ndi kufunsa anthu amene mumawakhulupirira mukakhala pamavuto, kaya akhale anzanu kapena achibale.

Mvetserani malangizo ndi malingaliro awo. Nthawi zina, angakhale akuwona zizindikiro zomwe munachita khungu chifukwa cha chikondi. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mumakopeka ndi iwo, koma ngati anthu omwe mumawalemekeza moona mtima akupemphani kuti muganizirenso za ukwatiwo, m’pofunikadi kuliganizira.

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5. Pamene mabodza satha

Mukudabwa momwe mungasiyire mwamuna wachinyengo yemwe mumamukonda? Chabwino, kulingalira kumakhala kophweka pamene sakukupatsani zifukwa zambiri zoti musasudzule pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Vuto la kubera ndi loti mumavutika kuti mukhulupirirenso wokondedwa wanu. Kusakhulupirika kumaphatikizapo mabodza, koma muli ndi vuto lalikulu pamene mabodza satha ngakhale pambuyo cholakwa mnzanu afika poyera. Banja la pambuyo pa chigololo limakhala lolimba nthawi zonse chifukwa palibe chitsimikizo chakuti wachinyengo sadzasocheranso.

Kukonza ubale chikhulupiliro chitatha nthawi zonse zimakhala zovuta, ndipo simungathe kuchita nokha. Ngati mnzanuyo sanathetse chibwenzi chinacho, muyenera kuzindikira kuti tsopano ndi nthawi yoti mutuluke pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Ngati munthu wachitatuyo alipo mwa mtundu wina kapena wina m'moyo wa mnzanuyo, sikoyenera kuyesetsa kuyanjananso.

6. Pamene wokondedwa wanu sakupangitsani kumva kukhala wapadera

Aliyense ayenera kudzimva kuti ndi wapadera komanso wofunidwa. Lingaliro lonse lolowa muubwenzi wodzipereka kapena ukwati ndi kukhala ndi munthu m'moyo amene mumamuyika patsogolo. Tiyerekeze kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo mwasankha kuyika zochitika zachinyengo kumbuyo kwanu ndikupanga chiyambi chatsopano. Yang'anani khalidwe la mnzanuyo.

Kodi amapita kukakutsimikizirani kuti sizichitikanso? Kodi akunena ndi kuchita zinthu zosonyeza kuti ndinu nokha munthu m’miyoyo yawo? Ngati yankho la mafunsowa ndi ayi, muyenera kuyika nthawi yoti muchokepo. Malinga ndi ziwerengero zachisudzulo, 17% ya zisudzulo zonse ku USA zimachitika chifukwa cha chigololo cha m'modzi kapena onse awiri. Palibe manyazi kukhala gawo la ziwerengero ngati ubale sukuyenda momwe mumaganizira.

7. Maziko a ubale wanu anali ofooka

N’zosavuta kuimba mlandu munthu wonyenga chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. Nthawi zina, mungafunike kuyang'ana maziko a ubale wanu komanso gawo lanu momwemonso. Kodi nthawi zonse udali ubale wamphamvu, wathanzi kapena pamakhala nthawi zambiri zovuta? Ngati mnzanuyo anali wosakhulupirika ngakhale ali mu a ubale wosangalatsa ndi inu, sizimamuwonetsa bwino.

Koma pali mwayi woti mutha kupulumutsa ukwatiwo ngati mudakali ndi malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake. Komabe, ngati ukwati unali kale fraying, ndiye kuti kusakhulupirika ndi wina anawonjezera wosanjikiza wa mavuto ndipo ndi bwino kuyang'ana zenizeni pa izo kuposa kulimbana ndi pamene kuchoka pambuyo kusakhulupirika.

8. Zimakuvuta kuiwala

Ngakhale mkuntho woyamba wa chinyengo watha, dzifunseni ngati mungathe kupitiriza. Kupita patsogolo sikungotanthauza kukhululukira mnzanu (chomwe ndi chinthu chovuta kwambiri kuchita) komanso kupanga mtendere ndi zomwe zinachitika. Ndipo apa ndi pamene anthu ambiri amavutika. Mwina mnzanuyo walapa moona mtima ndipo amayesetsa kuti akubwezereninso.

Mwina mwaganiza zopatsanso mwayi wina. Zidzafunikabe kuyesetsa kuti muyike gawo lonse kumbuyo kwanu. Ngati mukuona kuti n’kovuta kusiya mfundo yakuti munanamizidwa, pakapita nthawi yaitali mutangoyambana ndi kuyanjanitsidwa, mwina ndi chizindikiro chakuti simunathebe. Zikhoza, ndiye, zidzabwera kudzakulumani mtsogolo. Ngati mupeza kuti kupweteka kwa kusakhulupirika sikutha, mwinamwake muyenera kusiya kuyesa ndi kudziwa nthawi yoti muchoke.

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9. Mnzakoyo ananyengapo kale

Ngati wina wachita zosakhulupirika kwa inu, zingakhale bwino kuti mufufuze ngati anali ndi mbiri yachinyengo mu maubwenzi. Munthu wokhulupirika amakhala wokhulupirika nthawi zonse pamene wachinyengo amakhalabe wachinyengo. Mwina mumaganiza kuti mudzakhala chikondi chenicheni cha mnzanuyo koma anthu ena sasintha.

Ngati munapangana pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina yemwe adabera zibwenzi kapena zibwenzi zakale (kaya ali ndi zifukwa zotani), dziwani kuti munthuyo amaika patsogolo kudzipereka. Zingatanthauzenso kuti akuvutika ndi a kuopa kudzipereka. Kodi mumafunadi kukhala ndi munthu woteroyo kapena kuli bwino mutachokapo mutachita chigololo?

10. Mumadzudzulidwa mwachindunji kapena mosalunjika

Kunena zowona, sipangakhale kulungamitsidwa kwa kusakhulupirika popeza kuwawa kwa mnzake woperekedwayo kuli kwakukulu ndipo kusakhulupirika kumadziwika kuti kumawononga mabanja onse. Komabe, payenera kukhala ulemu waukulu kwa munthu amene angavomereze zolakwa zake (mosasamala kanthu kuti anong’oneza bondo kapena ayi) kuposa munthu amene akukana kutenga thayo la zochita zake.

Choyipa chachikulu, ngati mnzanuyo ndi amene akukuimbani mlandu chifukwa cha ubale womwe ukulephera kapena kudzipereka kwawo kwaulemu, muyenera kudziwa nthawi yoti muchoke m'banjamo, ndipo manja onse amangofika TSOPANO. Munthu amene amayesa kusintha mlandu, bwerani ndi zifukwa, ndi kuthawa udindo sangadaliridwe nkomwe.

Ngati mukuvutika kuti mumvetsetse momwe mukumvera pambuyo pa kunyengedwa ndipo simungathe kusankha kukhala kapena kupitilira, dziwani kuti izi sizachilendo chifukwa cha momwe mulili. Kufunafuna uphungu kungakhale kopindulitsa kwambiri pozindikira ngati muyenera kuyesa kukonza ukwati pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kapena kuchokapo. Malinga ndi AAMFT, 90% yamakasitomala awo am'banja ndi mabanja awona kusintha kwa maubwenzi awo komanso mikhalidwe yamaganizidwe atalandira chithandizo.

Cholinga cha uphungu wa m'banja ndi kupanga njira yolankhulirana ndi njira zatsopano zoyankhulirana pakati pa awiriwo kuti agwirizanenso. Funsani dokotala yemwe ali ndi chilolezo pafupi ndi inu kapena pezani mlangizi waluso, wodziwa zambiri Bonbology gulu.

Tsopano mukudziwa momwe mungasiyire kuganiza mopambanitsa mutanamizidwa ndikupanga chisankho chodekha, chanzeru. Palibe ukwati womwe uli wofanana, komanso njira yochira pambuyo pa chochitika chowawa ngati chinyengo. Momwe okwatirana amakambitsirana zotsatira za chibwenzi kunja kwa banja zimatengera iwo. Komabe, ngati mmodzi wa iwo asokonezeka kuti ayese kumenya nkhondo kuti apulumutse ubale wawo kapena ngati angasankhe nthawi yochokapo pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, mfundo zomwe zili pamwambazi zingapereke nkhani ndi mapu.

Ibibazo

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.