Ubudlelwano Bamalebula: Ingabe Ubudlelwano Obungenawo Amalebula Buyasebenza?

Bekungesona yini isikhathi esilula ngaphambi kokuthi umqondo wobudlelwane obungenawo amalebula uvele kusilulumagama sethu? Uhlangana nomuntu. Uma ubanjwe yi-charm yabo, uqala ukuthandana. Ekugcineni, niyathandana futhi ubuhlobo buthatha inkambo yabo yemvelo. Kodwa ngale black and white of bendabuko ukuphola isiko, kukhona grey zone ebanzi. Futhi yilapho sihlangana khona nozakwethu bobudlelwano obungenawo amalebula.

Ungalindeli ukuthi kuzoba lula ngoba nje ubudlelwano bufika nelebula elithi 'akukho ilebula'. Isigatshana esithi 'akukho zibopho, akukho okunamathiselwe' singenza kuzwakale sengathi ushaye imayini yegolide yobudlelwano. Nokho, ubudlelwano obungenawo amalebula bungashintsha bube nzima kakhulu ngenxa yokushoda kokucaca. Ukulindela izinzuzo zozakwethu ngaphandle kokuzibophezela kungase kungavumelani nesitayela sokuqomisana sawo wonke umuntu.

Futhi kuncike embuzweni owodwa - ingabe ubudlelwano obungenamalebula buyasebenza ngempela? Iyiphi indlela efanele yokwenza lokho? Sikulethela zonke izimpendulo ngemininingwane evela kumqeqeshi wobudlelwano nokusondelana oqinisekisiwe emhlabeni wonke uShivanya Yogmayaa (oqinisekisiwe emhlabeni wonke ngezindlela zokwelapha ze-EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), ogxile ezinhlotsheni ezahlukene zokwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana.

Buyini Ubudlelwano Obungekho Ilebula?

Ukuze uqonde umqondo wobudlelwano obungenazo izinkomba, kufanele uqale uqonde ukuthi kusho ukuthini ngempela ilebula ebudlelwaneni. Ake ngiphule inganekwane ngokushesha - ukubhala ngesimo sakho akusho ukuthi usinikeza ilebula lokuzibophezela. Ungasho ukuthi uthandana wedwa kodwa awukho ebudlelwaneni. Lokho kuwukuthandana nomuntu oyedwa kuphela, elinye ilebula nje. Sihlukanise kabanzi amalebula obudlelwano ngezinhlobo ezimbili: amalebula agxile ekuzibophezeleni kanye namalebula angabophezeleki. Ake ngichaze:

• Thayipha i-1: Amalebula agxile ekuzibophezeleni abhekisela ekuchazeni ubudlelwano nokuboleka ngezinga elithile lokuhluka nokuzibophezela. Thatha isibonelo sika-Elena noDan. Izinto zazihamba kahle kubo, ngaphandle kokushayisana okuncane. U-Dan wayezoyiyeka ngamabomu ingxoxo ethi “Buyaphi lobu budlelwano”

Ngemva kokuqhubeka kanje izinyanga ezine, u-Elena kwadingeka abhekane naye, “Ngiyakuthanda kodwa ukwethembeka lapho kungekho emthethweni akungisebenzeli.

Amalebula obudlelwano ngaphansi kwalesi sigaba: Intombi, isoka, umlingani, isoka, umlingani

• Thayipha i-2: Amalebula okungewona azibophezele ahlanganisa ukuchaza ubudlelwano ngendlela yokuthi kungabikho ukuzibophezela okuhilelekile. Ngokwesibonelo, uLucy, owayesanda kuphuma ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside, wathola umqondo wokungenela obunye uzibophezele umkhulu kakhulu. Ngolunye usuku, wahlangana noRyan, emtatsheni wezincwadi. Baqala ukukhuluma futhi waqaphela ukuthi bafuna into efanayo - ucansi nje, akukho okunamathiselwe. Futhi njengoba leli lungiselelo lalibakhanga bobabili, banquma ukuba ngabalingani bomunye nomunye

Amalebula obudlelwano ngaphansi kwalesi sigaba: Abangane abanezinzuzo , i-NSA, ukuvumelana okungenabo abantu ababili, i-polyamory, ukuthandana okungahleliwe, noma into eyinkimbinkimbi

Ngethemba ukuthi ungathola kulawa ma-anecdotes amabili ukuthi kungenzeka futhi ukulebula isimo esingazibophezeli. Kunamalebula obudlelwano bendabuko bese kuba nokuxhumana kwabantu okuvuleleke kakhulu. Manje, uma oyedwa noma bobabili ozakwethu bezizwa benqikaza ukufaka isimo sabo kunoma imaphi alawa malebula obudlelwano, ukubiza ngokuthi ubudlelwano obungenawo amalebula.

Ngesikhathi echaza lokhu, uShivanya unikeza umbono omusha, “Ubudlelwano obungenalo ilebula yilobo budlelwano obungavamile obungamukelwa kahle ngumphakathi ngenxa yezithiyo eziningana njengegebe elikhulu leminyaka, noma ubudlelwano phakathi kwamawele noma abantu abathandana nabo, abangenakubusho ngoba sebeshadile kakade nabanye abantu.”

Akudingekile ukuba ngaso sonke isikhathi kube ubulili. Ubudlelwano obunjalo buyingqayizivele kakhulu, bubekezelela kakhudlwana, abukho imibandela, ukwamukela, futhi bungokomoya futhi. Uma kuwuthando olunemibandela, abalingani bangase babhekane nobuhlungu nosizi olukhulu. Uma uthando lungenamibandela, luyoba nenkululeko, indawo, nenhlonipho ngesikhathi esifanayo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izibonelo Eziyi-10 Zothando Olungenamibandela

Ingabe Kuyadingeka Ukulebula Ubudlelwano?

Cha, akusona isidingo esiphelele sokuba negama ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa kuwumqondo omuhle ukuchaza uhlobo lobuhlobo ofuna ukuba nalo nalo muntu kusukela ekuqaleni. Eqinisweni, izifundo zibonisa ukuthi amalebula obuhlobo empeleni ayathinta indlela abalingani abaphathana ngayo. Ubuhlobo obuqanjwe ngamalebula anjengokuxhumana, ukukhetha, noma isoka/intombi buthonya ukubonakaliswa kothando esidlangalaleni nokuzibophezela kwezinye izikhathi.

Nokho, uma abantu ababili bekwazi ukubhekana nezimo zabo ngaphandle kwezitifiketi, kuhle kubo. Kodwa-ke, kwabaningi, ukungazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini kubalingani babo, ukuthi bangabantu abakhethekile noma ababona abanye abantu, noma ukuthi ubuhlobo bunesikhathi esizayo esibonakalayo kungaba yinto ephazamisayo kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, uma ungavumelani nokunikeza isoka/intombi izinzuzo ngaphandle kokuzibophezela, siphakamisa ukuthi ube 'nengxoxo'.

U-Shivanya uthi, "Esimisweni esivamile, sivame ukubiza ubuhlobo ngaphansi kwengcindezi yenkambiso yomphakathi. Kodwa ebuhlotsheni obunjalo obungajwayelekile, abalingani bangakhetha ukungabufaki ilebula. Uma umqondo wokuqomisana kuphela kodwa hhayi ngobudlelwane unengqondo kubabhangqwana, pho-ke singobani thina ukuthi sibanqumele ilebula ebuhlotsheni? Phela, kuyindaba yokukhetha kwabalingani babo kanye nendlela abangayivula ngayo indaba yomlingani wabo womuntu siqu kanye nesicelo sabo somuntu siqu. yona.”

Ungabhekana Kanjani Nobudlelwano Obungekho Ilebula?

Ingabe sivele sagxilisa ikhanda lakho ngemiqondo nemibono eminingi kakhulu? Bese kuba yisikhathi sokusuka emibonweni ethile uye kwezinye izeluleko ezibambekayo zokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nobudlelwano obungenalebula. Ingabe umusha kulesi sizinda sokuthandana? "Ngicabanga ukuthi sithandana kuphela kodwa hhayi ubudlelwano. Futhi anginaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ngithembekile uma kungasemthethweni. Ingabe kufanele ngigcine izinketho zami zivulekile eceleni?" – Ingabe yilokhu okwenzekayo engqondweni yakho?

Hhayi-ke, thumela izinkathazo zakho eholidini elide ngoba sinesixazululo esifanele esimweni sakho. Uma unokungabaza ngokunikeza izinzuzo zentombi/isoka ngaphandle kokuzibophezela noma udinga ukuqiniseka ukuthi nobabili nisekhasini elifanayo mayelana nokuxhumana okungaxhunywanga, nazi izinyathelo ezi-7 ezingenziwa zokubhekana nobudlelwano obungenawo amalebula:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izifundo Eziyi-11 Abantu Abazifundile Ebudlelwaneni Obuhlulekile

1.    Ingabe ugibele ukungena ebudlelwaneni obungenawo amalebula?

Ayikho ilebula noma cha, ukwazi ukuthi inhliziyo yakho ifunani kuyimfuneko kubo bonke ubudlelwano. Zibuze, "Ingabe ungamaphesenti ayikhulu kulokhu?" Kufanele welaphe ekungazethembi obukugqugquzela isikhathi eside futhi ube sesimweni somqondo esizinzile sokuzibandakanya nomuntu ongenawo amalebula obudlelwano. Ungakujobi ngoba kuzwakala kupholile noma umaqondana wakho ekufuna.

Ngisho noma uqiniseka ukuthi wenza into evuthiwe ngokungangeni esakhiweni sobudlelwano esimisiwe, ngaphandle kokuthi yilokho okufunayo ngempela, kungase kuphele. Umngane wami uMila uthambekele ekuthembeleni kubalingani bakhe bothando. Lapho eqala ukuthandana nendoda endala , lobo buhlobo obungenazo izinkomba babuyinhlekelele njengoba wayengenakukwazi ukuphula iphethini yakhe futhi indoda ayizange imbuyisele kahle.

2. Gcina lokho okulindele kanye nomhawu ulawule

Nansi indlela yokubhekana nobudlelwano obungenawo amalebula 101: ayikho indawo yokulindela okuphezulu noma ukuba nezinto mayelana nomlingani wakho. Awukwazi ukucela izinzuzo zentombi/isoka ngaphandle kokuzibophezela kumuntu ombona nje kanye noma kabili ngenyanga. Cishe ngeke bafike endaweni yakho no-ayisikhilimu ngoba udangele noma ubamba zonke izingcingo zakho noma ngabe bamatasa kangakanani.

Futhi kufanele ulunge ngalokho ngoba nakhu ubhalisele. NgokukaShivanya, “Ubudlelwano obuthile obungenamalebula bungaba nemithwalo yabo siqu kanye nokungazethembi, kanye nokunganeliseki nokubangela umona.Kufanele uvumelane neqiniso lokuthi uma ukhethe ukuba sebudlelwaneni obunjalo naphezu kwazo zonke izinkinga, kufanele wamukele olunye uhlangothi lwalo.

"Kungase kudingeke wabelane ngomlingani wakho ngezinye izikhathi ngaphandle kokusabela ngokweqile ngakho. Ukungazethembi nomona kungase kuvele kulokho omunye umuntu akwenza uzizwe. Ingabe kukhona isiqinisekiso esanele kanye nokuxhumana okunempilo? Noma, uzizwa ungabonwa, ungazwakali, unganakwa? Khona-ke kuzoba nokungazethembi kobudlelwano . "

"Ukuze uhlale uhlola, yamukela iqiniso. Kodwa okunye ubudlelwano obungewona amalebula kwenzeka bumsulwa kangangokuthi akukho mhawu. Bayazi ukuthi uthando lwabo luhle kangangokuthi ngisho nobuhlobo be-karmic ngeke bube nethonya. Abanalo ukwesaba noma isidingo sokuba nabo noma ukulebula noma ukukusho."

3. Zama ukumelana nokunamathelana ngokomzwelo okudla konke 

Ngithembe, asilapha ukuzokwephuca amathuba akho othando nenjabulo. Simane sikubheke. Ubudlelwano obungenazo izinkomba bungaphazamiseka kakhulu lapho umuntu oyedwa eqala ukuthuthukisa imizwa kanti omunye akayenzi. Phela, asisiye uMnu. Spock, sibanda futhi siqhelelene. Njengoba ubhajwe enkingeni ' yothando oluhambisana nohlangothi olulodwa ' futhi umlingani wakho ekhombisa ezinye izenzo zakhe zothando phambi kwakho, kungaba yindawo ethinta inhliziyo yokuhlala kuyo.

U-Shivanya uyavumelana nathi kulokhu, "Yebo, kuzodala ukuhlukumezeka okuningi kanye nempi enganqamuki ngaphakathi nangaphandle futhi. Nakuba umuntu oyedwa elungile ngesimo sobudlelwane bakhe kodwa omunye umuntu ufuna okwengeziwe ngobukhona bakhe, isikhathi, uthando, nomuzwa wokulondeka, kungase kube ubuhlobo obunobuthi, obungasebenzi.

"Bese kuba nomjikelezo wedrama kuze kube yilapho bebuyisana neqiniso labo. Kungase kuholele umuntu ekucindezelekeni. Uma kunjalo, bangase badinge ukwelashwa nokuhlolwa kweqiniso." Uma yilokho obhekene nakho njengamanje futhi ufuna usizo, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi eqenjini lochwepheshe beBonobology balapha ukuze bakusize.

4. Imingcele iyimfuneko ebudlelwaneni obungenawo amalebula

Njengoba usebudlelwaneni obungenawo amalebula, kufanele ufunde ukuthi ungahlukanisa kanjani impilo yakho yomuntu siqu kanye nesikhala somlingani wakho ohlelweni lwakho. Khumbula, lobu budlelwano abumele ubukhona bakho bonke, kodwa ingxenye encane yakho. Ngakho-ke, nika uhlobo lokubaluleka olulufanele. Futhi ukubeka imingcele ecacile kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuyiphatha kahle. Nazi izinto ezimbalwa ongazilungisa ngaphambi kokuthi uqhubeke:

• Singakanani isikhathi ofuna ukusibekela eceleni
• Ufuna ukuhlangana endaweni kabani
• Uzotholakala nini ukuze uthole izingcingo
• Beningathula kanjani kwabanye abantu
• Ume kuphi ngokusondelana ngokomzimba
• Yiziphi izinqamuleli zedili kuwe

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Imingcele Eyishumi Yobudlelwano Obunempilo Okufanele Uyilandele

Ngokusho komsebenzisi we-Reddit , ubudlelwano obungenamalebula buyinsimu yamabhomu angaphansi komhlaba, "Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo sobudlelwano obunempilo. Kusho ukuthi uyazi ukuthi nisesigabeni esifanayo nokuthi imingcele ikuphi. Ngaphandle kokuxoxa nganoma yikuphi kwalokho, awazi ukuthi amabhomu angaphansi komhlaba akuphi. Ngingumuntu othanda kakhulu. Anginankinga nabalingani bami abalala nabanye abantu. Kodwa ngidinga ukwazi ukuthi yimiphi imithetho esixoxilene ngayo nokuthi ngimi kuphi."

U-Shivanya uyasikisela, “Kufanele wenze ukuthula ngalokho lobu buhlobo obuyikho nalokho obungeyikho. Futhi, kufanele uvumelane nalokho nokuthi kungakanani eningakulindela komunye nomunye. Amathemba nezithembiso ezingamanga zingadala umonakalo kuwe nomunye umuntu. Ngakho-ke, kungcono ukwazisa omunye umuntu ukuthi yini ongayenza futhi ube naye futhi ubeke indlela yobuhlobo obunempilo.

5. Ungaphakamisi amathemba akho ngekusasa elinesithombe esihle

Ngokwesiko, sihlela ikusasa lethu nomlingani esaziyo ukuthi ufuna izinto ezifanayo nathi. Bafeza yonke imithwalo yemfanelo ejwayelekile yobudlelwano , bayakuqaphela njengomlingani wabo othandanayo esidlangalaleni futhi nobabili ninemibono ethile ngekusasa. Kodwa uma isimo sakho samanje singachazwanga, ungamvumela kanjani ukuba adlale indima ebalulekile ekusaseni lakho?

Futhi lapha asikhulumi ngomshado nje. Kungaba ukucela ukuthi babe usuku lwakho lomshado ngoDisemba ozayo noma uhlele ukuthuthela ndawonye eminyakeni embalwa. Kufanele ubambe amaphupho akho asemini kuze kube uhlelo lwawo lokusebenza lubukeka luseduze nokude nelakho. Ukunikeza noma ukulindela izinzuzo ezinjalo zesoka/intombi ngaphandle kokuzibophezela akuyona ingxenye yobudlelwano obungenawo amalebula.

6. Bamba umhlabathi kanye nobuntu bakho

Abantu bangena ebudlelwaneni obungenazo izimfanelo zobulili ngoba baletha isithembiso sesikhala esiningi somuntu siqu kanye nenkululeko. Qiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho unenhlonipho eyanele ngalokho. Njenganoma yimuphi omunye ubudlelwano, nalobu kufanele bube yisibopho phakathi kwabalingani ababili abalinganayo. Veza ukukhathazeka kwakho, futhi ukhulume ngokumelene nezindinganiso zobudlelwano bakho ezikwenza ungakhululeki.

Uma ungalungile ukwethembeka uma kungasemthethweni, cacisa ngemibandela yakho. Ngake ngaba sesimeni esifanayo. Ngangikuthanda ukuchitha isikhathi nalo mfana futhi sahamba nezinsuku ezimbalwa ngokudla okumnandi nezingxoxo ezijabulisayo. Kodwa ngaleso sikhathi, ngacasuka lapho ngicabanga ukuthi siya ocansini. Njengoba ayengalungile ngesigatshana se-platonic, sagcina izinto saziqeda, ngokuvumelana nokho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-13 Okufanele Uzazi Ngobudlelwano Be-NSA (No-Strings-Attached)

7.  Yazi ukuthi ubushiya nini ubudlelwano obungenawo amalebula

Lokho kusiletha ohlelweni lwethu lokugcina lwebhizinisi, kufanele ubambe inkomba yakho yokuphuma. Mhlawumbe, lapho ungena kulolu hlelo, wawunenzondo yangempela kumalebula obudlelwano ajwayelekile. Ngemva kokuba sebudlelwaneni obungenamalebula izinyanga eziyisithupha, usuqonde ukuthi ufisa 'okuningi' - ukuzinza okwengeziwe, uthando olwengeziwe, ukuzibophezela okwengeziwe , konke lokho.

Umi empambanweni yemfoloko enemigwaqo emibili phambi kwakho eya ezinhlangothini ezihlukene. Isiteringi sisasesandleni sakho futhi uyakwazi ukukhetha ukuthi iyiphi indlela oyikhethayo. Ingabe ufuna ukuphakamisa usuku olufanele lothando kumlingani wakho futhi ubone ukuthi nabo banentshisekelo yokuthatha izinto baye ezingeni elilandelayo? Noma ufuna ukuthatha isheke lemvula unethemba lokuthile okungcono esikhathini esizayo? Ukuzikhethela kungokwakho.

Ngakho-ke, singalindela ukuthi lesi sihloko sikusize ngokuthi ungazulazula kanjani ebudlelwaneni obungenawo amalebula njengochwepheshe? Uyawazi ama-drill nobuhle nobubi bokungabi nalebula ebudlelwaneni. Ngethemba, kusukela kuleli phuzu kuya phambili, uzokwenza kuphela lokho okukulungele. Ekugcineni, kubalulekile ukuthi ujabule, uzizwe uthandwa futhi uhlonishwa ebudlelwaneni bakho, futhi ungalahlekelwa ingqondo yakho kule nqubo. Uma ubudlelwano obungenawo amalebula bukunikeza lokho, qhubeka. Phula umlenze!

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