Izinwele zikasawoti nopelepele, ubuso obunzima ngenxa yesipiliyoni, nomuzwa othile wokuzola nokuzinza - kuningi okwenza umqondo wokuqomisana nendoda endala ungavimbeki. Hhayi-ke, akuwona wonke amadoda amadala angakunika ama-goosebumps njengoGeorge Clooney noma u-Hugh Grant, kodwa ukuthandana nendoda eneminyaka engu-15 ubudala, noma engu-20, kuyisiphakamiso esijabulisayo, njengoba bevuthiwe futhi mancane amathuba okuba badlale imidlalo. Lokhu cishe kuphendula umbuzo othi, "Kungani abesifazane abasebasha beba amadoda amadala?"
Kodwa nakuba abesifazane abathandana namadoda amadala kuyinto evamile, njengabo bonke ubudlelwano, lokhu nakho kuza nengxenye yakho yezinkinga nezingibe. Ngakho-ke, ukuqonda okuhle nokubi kokuthandana nendoda endala kubalulekile ukuze uqinisekise ukuthi wenza isinqumo esifanele.
Kulesi sihloko, sizohlola ngokujulile amathuba, izinzuzo, izingibe, kanye nokulindela okuhambisana nobuhlobo nendoda endala, okusekelwa ukuqonda kochwepheshe okuvela kusosayensi wezengqondo uJayant Sundaresan (Masters in Applied Psychology), ogxile ekunikezeni iseluleko ngezinkinga ezahlukene zobudlelwano ezifana nokuphazamiseka kokuxhumana, ukuphathwa kokulindela, ukungathembeki, ukuhlukana, kanye nesehlukaniso. Sizokunikeza namathiphu okuthandana nendoda endala. Ngakho-ke, ake siqale…
Yini Ongayilindela Lapho Ujola Nendoda Ekhulile — Iseluleko Esivela Kuchwepheshe
Okuqukethwe
Ngakho-ke, ukhangwa umuntu ophethe zonke izimpawu zeminyaka yakhe - izinwele zikasawoti kanye nopelepele, imigqa eqinisa ubuso bakhe kancane - ngomusa. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, unolwazi futhi unomusa futhi wenza inhliziyo yakho yeqe ukushaya. Ufuna ukweqa inhliziyo yakho ebikunxenxela kukho kodwa mhlawumbe awunaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ungajola kanjani nendoda endala. Noma mhlawumbe, usuvele uthandana nendoda eneminyaka engu-20 ubudala kodwa musa ukuthi yini ongayilindela kulobu buhlobo.
Silapha ukuzosiza. Abesifazane abathandana namadoda amadala akuyona into entsha, kodwa ukuthandana nendoda endala kunezinzuzo nezinkinga. Kufanele wazi ukuthi kungase kungabi lula ngaso sonke isikhathi yize uzizwa ukhangwa ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo . Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ubudlelwano obunjalo obungajwayelekile buvame ukuthonywa yizici eziningi zangaphandle. Manje njengoba uzama ukunquma 'ingqondo yamadoda amadala yokuthandana' futhi uzibuza ukuthi yini ongayilindela lapho uthandana nendoda endala, ake singene ngokujulile kulokhu.
Uchwepheshe wethu u-Jayant ubala ezinye izici ezinhle zobudlelwane obunjalo besilisa nabesifazane abasebasha obungaphendula umbuzo wakho, “Kungani abesifazane abaningi abasebasha beba amadoda amadala?”:
- Amadoda amadala 'ayibambe kahle': Ingxenye engcono kakhulu yokuqomisana nensizwa endala ukuthi ngesikhathi umazi lo muntu, usevele waba inguqulo yakhe enhle kakhulu. Ubuntu bakhe bucutshungulwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. U-Jayant uthi, “Ube nohambo lwakhe kanye nezikhathi ezimnandi nezibuhlungu. Cishe uzinzile ngokwengqondo nangokwezimali.”
- Kukhona ukucaca okungcono: Owesilisa osekhulile kungenzeka acacelwe ngalokho akulindele ebudlelwaneni. Kungenzeka ukuthi uke wajola nabanye abantu besifazane futhi mancane amathuba okuba usile imidlalo yengqondo yobudlelwano
- Kungenzeka ukuthi bavuthiwe: UJayant ukholelwa ukuthi, “Ubuhlobo nendoda endala cishe buyokhula, njengoba amadoda anjalo eba ngcono ekulondolozeni ubuhlobo.” Ngeke esabe ukuxolisa noma ukuthatha ubunikazi bezenzo zakhe. Uzoba nokuzazisa komuntu wesilisa okuthambile kanye nokungavikeleki kobudlelwane obuncane noma ukwesaba ukuzibophezela
Ekhuluma ngobuhle nobubi bokuthandana nendoda endala, u-Jayant uveza amafulegi ambalwa abomvu lapho ujola nendoda endala eneminyaka engu-40, 30s, noma imbala yama-20s:
- Umthwalo odlule: Kufanele ulungele ukuthi abe nesikhathi esedlule, ikakhulukazi mayelana nobudlelwano. Angase abe nezingane cishe ezisondelene nawe ngeminyaka
- Ukuntuleka kokuvumelana nezimo: Imibono yakhe nesimo sakhe sengqondo kungenzeka ukuthi aqinile futhi angase angakuvumeli ukushintsha
- Izintshisekelo zakho zingashayisana nezazo: Ungase uqale ukuthanda abantu bontanga yakho kangcono lapho ukhula uze ube neminyaka ethile
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-15 Zezizathu Zokuthi Amadoda Amasha Awe Abesifazane Abadala
Ukuqomisana Nendoda Ekhulile - Incwadi Yomthetho Yokwenza Nokungamelwe Ukwenze
Nakuba ukuthandana nendoda endala eneminyaka engama-20 noma engama-30 kungaseyona into enkulu, ubudlelwano phakathi kweminyaka buyahambisana nezinselelo zabo ezihlukile. Isibonelo, izinkomba zakho zamasiko noma impilo yakho yomphakathi ingahluka kakhulu. Lokhu kungenza ukuthola indawo efanayo yokuxhumana kube nzima kakhulu.
Lapho uGeorge Clooney etshela u-Esquire, “Ngesikhathi ngineminyaka engu-52, ngathola uthando lwempilo yami futhi ngijabule ngempela. Angikaze ngijabule kangako ebuhlotsheni nganoma iyiphi indlela nje yokucabanga,” kwakuzwakala njengento yothando kakhulu emhlabeni. Naphezu kokuba negebe leminyaka engu-17, uGeorge no-Amal Clooney babophe ifindo likasofasilahlane ngo-2014 futhi bebelokhu beqina futhi bekhulisa izingane ezimbili ezinhle ndawonye. Nakuba laba saziwayo benesimo senhlalo nokusekelwa ukuze baphishekele ubudlelwano obunjalo obungajwayelekile, kungase kungafani kumbhangqwana ovamile.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezingaziwa Kancane Ezingu-11 Zabesilisa Abaneminyaka Engaphezu Kwengu-50 - 11 Abesifazane Okufanele Bazazi
Lokhu akusho ukuthi ukuthandana nendoda eneminyaka engu-20 noma ngaphezulu ngeke kuphumelele. Thatha isibonelo sikamakhelwane wami, uSylvie, owayeneminyaka engu-25 ngesikhathi ethanda uprofesa wakhe, owayeseneminyaka engu-40. Baqhubekisela phambili ubuhlobo babo ngemva kokuba uSylvie eshiye ikolishi futhi wahlala exhumana ngisho nalapho ethuthela kwelinye idolobha ngomsebenzi. Bagcina bethembisene umshado ngehlobo eledlule.
Kodwa-ke, ukwazi ukuthi ubhalisela ini kukusiza ukuthi uphathe okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni ngendlela engokoqobo. Manje njengoba sesiyazi impendulo ethi, “Kungani abesifazane abasebasha bebaningi kangaka abathanda amadoda amadala?”, sizobheka ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani lokho. Ukuze sikusize uqonde ukuthi ungathandana kanjani nendoda endala, sizokwethula imithetho ethile yokuthandana nendoda endala. Ungase futhi ubize lezi zeluleko zokuthandana nendoda endala:
1. Xoxani ngokuthi ukuqomisana kusho ukuthini kinina nobabili
Lapho uqala izinto nomuntu omdala kakhulu, kufanele kube nokucaca okuphelele mayelana nokuthi nobabili nifunani ebuhlotsheni. Ake sithi, uthandana nendoda endala evuthiwe eneminyaka engu-20. Zibuze imibuzo efana nalena:
- Ingabe ukuyo ukuze uthole ulwazi?
- Ingabe uvulekele ithemba lokuthi izophenduka into engathi sína kakhulu neyesikhathi eside?
- Ingabe umlingani wakho ongase ube naye unentshisekelo ku-a ubudlelwane besikhathi eside kuleso sigaba sokuphila kwakhe?
Ingxoxo eqotho ekuqaleni kobudlelwano ingakusindisa ekudabukeni kwenhliziyo noma ekwehlukaneni okubi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. "Ukubona kuyaphi lokhu?" ngokuqinisekile ungomunye wemibuzo okufanele uyibuze indoda endala othandana nayo.
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2. Ungaphusheli into angayifuni
Omunye wemithetho yokujola nendoda endala wukuthi ungayiphoqi ukuthi enze into engayifuni. Esinye salezo zibonelo yilapho owesifazane etshalwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni obekuhloswe ukuthi bube yitoho bese eqala ukuphusha indoda ukuthi ihlanganyele ngokushesha.
Uma usicela amathiphu okuthandana nendoda endala eseminyakeni yama-20 noma engu-30, singasikisela ukuthi singayiphusheli ukuze ingene entweni engayifuni noma engayilungele. Nakhu okufanele ukwenze esikhundleni salokho:
- Thembeka kuye ngemizwa yakho bese ushiyela kuye okunye
- Qonda ukuthi i- umthwalo wemizwa kusukela ebuhlotsheni bakhe obudlule angalawula ukukhetha kwakhe ubuhlobo
- Zilungiselele ukukhuluma naye ngezinto ezingokoqobo, njengokufa
3. Funda kuye
Omunye wabangani bami, uCathy, oke waba nokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu nendoda endala, uthe, “Bengilala nendoda endala kunami ngeminyaka engama-20 futhi ingxenye engcono kakhulu ukuthi, nginomuzwa wokuthi inolwazi olukhulu, hhayi nje ngocansi kodwa nangempilo, ngokujwayelekile.” Abesifazane abaningi bathanda amadoda amadala ngoba indoda endala iletha ulwazi oluningi lwempilo etafuleni. Eqinisweni, ukuba sebudlelwaneni obuvuthiwe kungenye yezinzuzo ezinkulu zokuthandana nendoda endala. Ngakho-ke, hlala uvulekile engqondweni futhi ulungele ukufunda kuyo. Khumbula:
- Angase agcine edonsa ikhadi 'ngeminyaka yakho' kaningi kunalokho othanda ngakho. Kuthathe kahle
- Njenganoma ubani oneminyaka eminingi kanye nesipiliyoni ngemuva kwabo, umlingani wakho omdala kungenzeka ukuthi uqinisile ngezinto eziningi
- Esikhundleni sokumeyisa, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukufunda kulokho okwenzeka kuye
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Ezi-7 Zemingcele Ozidingayo Ukuze Ubuhlobo Bakho Buqine
UDina, omunye wabafundi bethu baseChicago, uyasitshela, “Ubuhlobo nendoda endala buyinkohliso! Lapho ngiqala ukuphola noMichael, ngangivame ukukhathazeka ngezinto ezingasho lutho, njengokuthi kufanele ngigqoke kanjani lapho ngiqomisana nendoda endala evuthiwe noma kuthiwani uma izama ukuphoqelela imibono yayo ekuphileni kwami?” Ukuvuthwa kwakhe ngokomzwelo kwaba amandla amakhulu ebuhlotsheni bethu. Akekho omunye owayengangisiza ngokuthula nangesineke njengaye.”
4. Ungalahlekelwa ubuntu bakho
Isisebenzi esikanye nami, u-Alice, owesifazane osemusha osanda kweva eminyakeni engu-30, wake wangitshela, “Ngajola nendoda iminyaka engu-8. Yayindala kunami cishe ngeminyaka eyishumi futhi yaqala ukulawula zonke izici zokuphila kwami. Sahlukana ngemva kokuba ubuhlobo bethu buba muncu ngenxa yezingxabano.
Okukhanga kakhulu owesifazane osemusha endodeni endala ukuhlakanipha kwayo. Nakuba kukuhle ukuba nomlingani ongakunikeza isiqondiso neseluleko esihlakaniphile kuzo zonke izinyathelo zendlela, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungancika kakhulu kuye. Ngakho-ke, akufanele umvumele alawule impilo yakho, njengoba kubalulekile ukungalahlekelwa ubuntu bakho lapho uthandana nomfana omdala. Nakhu okufanele ukwenze esikhundleni salokho:
- Uma uzizwa unamandla ngokuthile, khuluma umqondo wakho, beka unyawo lwakho phansi, futhi uzimelele
- Ngisho noma ungaqhubeka nokwenza amaphutha akuxwayise ngawo, zama ukwenza izinto uwedwa ngezinye izikhathi
- Zimele ngokwezimali futhi ufunde ukunakekela izidingo zakho
U-Jayant uthi, "Noma ibuphi ubuhlobo kufanele bube isengezo enjabulweni ekhona kakade ekuphileni kwakho. Kodwa uma kuyilokhu impilo yakho eqala futhi iphetha ngakho, khona-ke ukuba khona kwakho kuphela kuchazwa ubuhlobo. Konke okuhlangenwe nakho kokuthandana nomfana osekhulile kufanele kugcwaliseke ngokufanayo, nina nobabili nihamba kancane ezindleleni zenu kuyilapho nihlangene okwesikhashana."
5. Bujabulele ubusha bakho
Ukuthi nje uthandana nendoda endala eneminyaka engama-20 noma engama-30 akusho ukuthi kufanele uzizwe unecala ngokuba nobusha ohlangothini lwakho. Enye yezinzuzo zokuthandana nendoda endala ukuthi uzohlala 'usemncane' eceleni kwayo. Akukho okubi ngokujabulela ngasese isipho sobusha. Ngakho-ke, ungayeki lolo hambo oluya eGrand Canyon olusohlwini lwakho lwezifiso ngoba nje umlingani wakho akafuni ukujoyina.
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6. Ungamgcobi ngobudala bakhe
Ukujabula ngenkazimulo yobusha bakho akufanele kwenziwe ngezindleko zokukhula komlingani wakho. Ngakho-ke, ungamenzi aqaphele iminyaka yakhe. Ngokwesibonelo:
- Ayeke ukukhomba izinwele zakhe ezimpunga
- Ungaphawuli ngemibimbi yakhe
- Ungamgconi ngokuntula kwakhe ijubane phakathi nokugijima kwakho ekuseni kakhulu
- Uma esethathe umhlalaphansi, ungadlali ngokuthi unesikhathi esiningi sokuphumula
Enye yezeluleko ezibaluleke kakhulu zokuthandana nendoda endala evuthiwe ukuthi ungalokothi usebenzise iminyaka yakhe ngokumelene naye. Ngisho noma kwenziwa inhlekisa, kungaba buhlungu futhi kulimaze indoda yakho endala nowesifazane osemusha ubuhlobo, futhi lokho kuyinto eyodwa kufanele ukukhumbula ukuze uthole ukuqonda kangcono ukuphola amadoda amadala Psychology.
7. Thola isikhathi semisebenzi ehambisana neminyaka
Ubudlelwano phakathi kweminyaka bungaba nabalingani bezizukulwane ezahlukene. Ngakho-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani akuthole kunzima ukuhlanganyela emisebenzini edonsela omunye. Njengowesifazane othandana nomlingani omdala, umbono wakho wokuzijabulisa ungase ungahambisani nowakhe. Angase afune ukuchitha ubusuku bangoMgqibelo ekhaya, efunda futhi ephuza i-scotch yakhe. Ungase ufune ukuya ekilabhini. Ungasheshi ukumaka lo mehluko njengenye yezimpawu ezibomvu lapho uthandana nendoda endala.
Ngakho, nakhu ongakwenza esikhundleni salokho:
- Yamukela umehluko. Ukuthi uthandana nendoda endala evuthiwe, akusho ukuthi kufanele ubeke impilo yakho engcupheni noma ukuthi kufanele ishintshe ngokuphelele ukuthi ingubani kuwe.
- Xhumana nabangane bakho, yenza izinhlelo, zama izinto ezintsha, futhi ujabule. Kunempilo ukuphishekela izithakazelo zomuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni
- Cacisa ngokuthandayo nangakuthandi. Phakathi kwezinzuzo eziningi zokuthandana nendoda endala ukuthi kungenzeka isekele isidingo sakho sokuba umuntu wakho.
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8. Ungamhluphi ukuthi akuphelezele yonke indawo
Yebo, ukwenza izinto ndawonye kuyingxenye ebalulekile yezinguquko zobudlelwano, noma ngabe ubudlelwano bendoda endala nowesifazane osemncane. Nokho, lokho akusho ukuthi uyamhlupha ukuze enze izinto ozithola ezithakazelisayo. Ukukhasa endaweni yaseshashalazini kuze kube u-4 ekuseni kungase kube umbono wakho wokuzijabulisa kodwa kungase kungahambisani naye. Manje, kungenzeka ukuthi uyazibuza ukuthi ungajola kanjani nendoda endala ngaphandle kokuthi ngephutha uzithole njengozakwethu ongenazwelo. Nakhu ongakwenza:
- Thola izintshisekelo ezifanayo ongaphishekela kuzo xhuma ezingeni elijulile. Isibonelo, uma nobabili nithanda ukufunda, uhambo oluya kumtapo wezincwadi wendawo noma isitolo sezincwadi, okulandelwa ibhrantshi elimnandi noma usuku lwekhofi kungaba yindlela enhle yokuchitha iSonto ekuseni.
- Hambani wenze imisebenzi eseduze izithandani eningase nizijabulele nobabili. Ukudoba, ukunambitha iwayini, ukuphuma kwezothando ukuya olwandle, ubusuku be-movie ekhaya - kunemisebenzi eminingi ongayijabulela njengombhangqwana.
9. Zilungiselele ukuze uthole imibono evela emndenini nakubangane
Lapho uqala ukuphola nendoda endala evuthiwe, kungenzeka ukuthi abangani bakho nomndeni bangasabela kahle ekuthuthukisweni kungokoqobo kakhulu. Umzuzwana othi, "Ngithanda insizwa endala", Kungaba nezinhlobonhlobo zokusabela okungekuhle - kusukela emibuzweni emayelana nokuthi yini eheha owesifazane osemncane endodeni endala kuye eziphakamisweni ezimelene nokuphishekela ubuhlobo.
Ungakuvumeli ukuthi kufinyelele kuwe. Kuthathe njengenye yemiphumela yokujola nendoda endala. U-Jayant uthi, "Akuvamile ukuthi uthole othile emndenini wakho nakubangane ozokunikeza amathiphu asebenzayo okuthandana nendoda endala noma ukwabelana ngemicabango yakhe ngendlela eqondile. Bazoza nezinhloso zabo, beveza ukwesaba kwabo kuwe. Iningi lalabo abasizungezile bavame ukucabanga ngomnyama nomhlophe. Abaqondi ukuthi lo mhlaba umpunga kanjani. Bazoqhubeka bebuyela esikhaleni seminyaka."
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10. Ungavumeli abanye bashintshe umqondo wakho
Uma uqiniseka ngemizwa yakho ngalo mlisa, ungavumeli imibono yabanye ngemiphumela emibi yokuthandana nendoda endala ithonye isinqumo sakho. Ukuthi nje abangani bakho noma abazali bakho abavumelani nalokho akusho ukuthi akufanele uthandane nendoda endala oxhumene nayo. Ziqhenye ngokuthi, “Ngiyayithanda indoda endala.”
Nakhu okufanele ukwenze esikhundleni salokho:
- Ungavumeli ukwahlulela kwabathandekayo bakho kushintshe amathrekhi akho
- Beka imingcele yomndeni wakho nabangane futhi ubazise ukuthi yini eyamukelekayo
- Bazise ukuthi ukuthandana nomfana omdala kwakuyisinqumo sakho siqu njengomuntu omdala. Ungazama ukubenza babone ukuthi kungani ukhethe ukuba naye
- Zinike isikhathi bese ulinda ukuthi beze
U-Jayant uyasikisela, "Indlela ohlunga ngayo ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle kanye neseluleko sokuqomisana nendoda endala kuyisinqumo somuntu siqu kakhulu. Kufanele uzibuze imibuzo ethile eyisisekelo. Yini oyithandayo ngalo muntu njengomuntu? Ingabe uyayithanda inguqulo yakho evezwa umlingani wakho kuwe? Uma ucacile engqondweni yakho ukuthi kungani ukulobu buhlobo, imibono yomunye umuntu ngeke ibe nandaba ngempela."
11. Yenza ngokuvumelana nemizwa yakho
Njengoba ubudlelwano bakho buqhubeka, kumele ubhekane nemizwa yakho. Ingabe uyathandana nendoda endala? Ingabe uzizwa usondelene kakhulu ngokomzwelo nayo? Kubalulekile ukukwazi ukuphendula le mibuzo ngokucacile ukuze unqume ukuthi ikusasa likuphatheleni.
Uma usuyitholile impendulo yale mibuzo, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuhlola ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi nisekhasini elifanayo. Sebenzisa imibuzo efanele ukuze uthole izimpendulo ozifunayo, ngaphandle kokumenza azizwe ecindezelekile ukuba azibophezele entweni angayilungele. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungamvumeli akucindezele ukuba uthi yebo esinyathelweni esilandelayo ebuhlotsheni uma ungakakulungeli ukusithatha.
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12. Ungacabangi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani
Ukuthi usekhulile futhi useke wabhekana nobunzima bobudlelwano akusho ukuthi unawe ngenjongo nje yokuzijabulisa. Ngisho noma nobabili niqale izinto ngokunganaki, kungenzeka ukuthi naye angase abe nemizwa engathi sína ngani endleleni. Gwema ukucabanga ngendlela azizwa ngayo ngawe.
Ngakho-ke, khuluma uma uthanda indoda endala. Uma kukhona ukungacaci kahle, xoxa naye ngokwethembeka. Ukungavumeli izithiyo zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho zikuphazamise kungenye yezeluleko eziwusizo kakhulu zokuthandana nendoda endala. Gcina lezo ziteshi zivulekile ukuze kube nendawo yokuxhumana okuvulekile ngezinto ezibalulekile.
13. Yemukela umthwalo wakhe
Ngisho noma uthandana nendoda endala eneminyaka engu-40 noma engu-50, nakanjani kuzoba nomthwalo othile empilweni yayo. Umfazi wangaphambili, izinkumbulo zomlingani oshonile, izingane, abazukulu - uhlu lungapheli. Uma ubhalisela ubudlelwano obunjalo, kufanele ukuthi wamukele lezi zandiso eziyingxenye yempilo yakhe. Ukwenza kanjalo kuzokunikeza ukuqonda okungcono kokuthandana namadoda amadala futhi kukusize uqonde izenzo zomlingani wakho kangcono, njengoba uzobona ukuthi uvelaphi ezindabeni ezithile.
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14. Ungavumeli okwedlule kukwehlule
Ungathandi umuntu omdala, uma uvumela isikhathi sakhe esidlule sikuqede amandla noma sikuvimbele ekuqhubekiseleni phambili izinto. Yebo, kungase kwesabise ukucabanga ukuthi ungase ube ngumzali wesibili wezingane zakhe , okungenzeka ukuthi azikho kakhulu kunawe.
Kodwa inqobo nje uma kusebenza kini nobabili, thembani ukuthi ezinye izingcezu zizongena endaweni kanye nomzamo omncane. Yazi ukuthi umndeni wakhe kanye nobudlelwano bakhe bakudala akubona obakho ukuthi ningene kukho nize nikulungele nobabili. Ngale ndlela, ungenza enye yezinto ezimbi kakhulu ezicatshangwayo zokuthandana nendoda endala ingesabi kakhulu.
U-Jayant uthi, "Wonke umuntu usezingeni elihlukile lokuguquguquka nokubhekana nomthwalo wabo wesikhathi esidlule. Kusibuyisela embuzweni wokuthi ukhule kangakanani nokuthi ngabe usuwucubungulile yini umthwalo wakho ongokomzwelo. Kufanele uchithe isikhathi esiningi nophathina wakho ukuze ubaqonde futhi uqaphele ukuthi yiziphi izingxenye zazo ezingaguquki. Kungcono ukuhlala ugxile ezintweni ezingezinhle ezihambisana nobudlelwano esikhundleni sokulungisa ubuhlobo."
15. Bonisa uthando
Uma uthandana nendoda engumdala wakho hhayi nje ngeminyaka embalwa kodwa amashumi eminyaka ambalwa, ukuthandana naye kungase kungezi kuwe ngokwemvelo. Ungase uzibuze ukuthi uthandana kanjani namadoda amadala futhi uwabonise ukuthi uyawakhathalela. Hhayi-ke, ungavumeli 'isifo sikababa' siphazamise ubuhlobo bakho. Nakhu ongakwenza esikhundleni salokho:
- Bonisa uthando lwakho ngokushukuma komzimba, amagama, nangokuthinta, kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka
- Slayida ungene kancane I-PDA uma ekahle ngakho
- Ngisho noma kuzwakala kungathandeki ekuqaleni, zama futhi uthole indawo yakho yokunethezeka naye
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16. Ungazami ukumenza abe nomona
Ungathandi indoda endala uma uhlose ukumenza abe nomona ngezinto ezincane ozenzayo. Kunethuba elihle lokuthi kungase kube nabanye abafana abakukhohlisayo, abaveza intshisekelo yabo, noma abazama ukukukholisa. Ukusebenzisa bona ukwenza indoda yakho ibe nomona kuyinto embi kakhulu. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izizathu zakho, le ndlela ngokuqinisekile izokuphikisa. Enye yezinzuzo ezinkulu zokuthandana nendoda endala ukuthi inamathuba amaningi okuthi iqiniseke ngawe kanye nobudlelwano. Yithande leyo esikhundleni sokuzama ukuyiphonsela inselelo umuzwa wayo wokulondeka.
17. Zithokozise
Abesifazane bayawathanda amadoda amadala ngoba aletha ukuvuthwa ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzinza ebudlelwaneni , kodwa njengomlingani osemusha, akufanele ungabaze ukuletha ubusha kanye nokusha. Ngakho-ke, ungazigodli ekuzijabuliseni uma unaye. Ungacabangi kakhulu ngendlela yokugqoka lapho uthandana nendoda endala noma indlela yokuzwakala uhlakaniphile ukuze uyihlabe umxhwele.
Yehlisa izinwele zakho, uzulazule, futhi umenze ahleke. Kuzosiza ekugcineni ubudlelwano busha futhi bugcwele amavayibhu alungile. Msize axhumane nohlangothi lwakhe olungakhathali, futhi angase akumangaze nge-joie de vivre yakhe.
18. Ungakhuli
Kufanele wazi umehluko phakathi kokuba nomoya ohlanzekile nokwenza njengomuntu osemusha ongavuthiwe. Uma uhlose okwakuqala, ungangeni ogibeni lwalokhu. Ngakho, gwema:
- Intukuthelo
- Ukulindela okungenangqondo
- Izenzo zokungaziphathi kahle ezimenza azizwe sengathi ungumzali futhi akakuqomi
Nakuba enye yezinzuzo zokuqomisana nendoda endala iwukuthi iyohlale ikukhathalela, akufanele ikubuke udakwa, ikuyise ekhaya, futhi ikunakekele ngoba nje ufuna ukuzijabulisa okungalawuleki. Njengomthetho wesithupha, noma yini emenza afune ukusebenzisa amagama athi “ugxilile” ifaneleka njengokuziphatha okungavuthiwe okufanele ukugweme.
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19. Qala ukusondelana
Akuyona imfihlo ukuthi i-libido iqala ukukhula. Eqinisweni, lokhu kungenye yezinkinga zokuthandana nendoda endala. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi isenzo ekamelweni kufanele sihlale silele, ikakhulukazi uma indoda yakho izizwa ikulungele. Angase adinge ukuthi niqale ukusondelana ukuze amfake emoyeni. Ungazibambeli ekuboniseni uhlangothi lwakho olubi. Nazi ezinye izinto ongazizama:
- Zilawule embhedeni futhi uqale ucansi ngokumqabula noma ukumthinta
- Linga kancane ngezikhundla ezihlukene noma ngisho imidlalo yocansi yabashadile, njengokulingisa indawo
- Zilungiselele ukuhola ngezinye izikhathi futhi ulandele kwabanye
- Ungamangali lapho ekubonisa ukuthi wazi kahle kangakanani indlela yakhe emzimbeni wakho
20. Ungakushayi indiva ukulinganiselwa kwakhe
Uma kwenzeka uthandana nendoda eneminyaka engu-15 ubudala noma ngaphezulu, kufanele ukhumbule iqiniso lokuthi ukungabaza kwakhe ukuthola izinto phakathi kwamashidi kungase kube ngaphezu kokunciphisa i-libido. Angaba isisulu sakho konke noma okunye kwalokhu okulandelayo:
- Amalunga Achy
- Ukuhlungu obusemhlane
- Izinkinga ze-Prostate
- Ukungagayeki kahle
- Izithiyo zengqondo
Lokhu kungaba yizithiyo ekusondeleni. Ungakunaki noma yikuphi ukukhathazeka kwezempilo okufanelekile okungenzeka abe nakho ngenxa yokuthi amahomoni akho ayadlondlobala futhi esefuna ukuhamba. Ngaphandle kokungabaza, lokhu kulinganiselwa kungase kubonakale njengemibi yokuthandana nendoda endala. Kodwa-ke, yibuphi ubuhlobo obungenayo ingxenye yabo yezinzuzo nezingozi? Inqobo nje uma nobabili nitshale imali ngokomzwelo, nizothola indlela yokubhekana nakho.
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21. Mphathe njenganoma yimuphi umlingani wakho
Ukuthi nihlukene ngeminyaka yenu akusho ukuthi sekumele umphathe ngendlela ehlukile kunaleyo obungayenza omunye umaqondana. Lahla ukuthambekela kokubalekela ukubonisa uhlangothi lwakho lothando, futhi ungamphathi ngenhlonipho. Beka eceleni ukumesaba futhi umange ukuthi ungubani - umlingani wakho.
Uma unendlela efanele kanye nomqondo ofanele, futhi uhlonyiswe ngamathiphu okuthandana nendoda endala esiwanikeze kulesi sihloko, ungase uthole ukuthi ukuba nendoda endala kuyinto ejabulisayo nezuzisayo — engashintsha umbono wakho ngobudlelwano besilisa nabesifazane abasebasha phakade. Uma unenhliziyo ethanda umuntu othile, ungazibambi. Uma unquma ukuvuma, lawa macebiso okuthandana nendoda endala azokusiza.
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Lapho indoda endala ikuthanda, izophuma endaweni yayo yokunethezeka ukuze ikwenze uzizwe ukhethekile. Izinto phakathi kwenu nobabili zizothuthuka ngezinga elijulile. Ngeke azigodle ekukutsheleni imizwa yakhe uma eseqinisekile ngayo.
Yebo, ukuthandana nendoda endala kungaba ngcono ngezinye izikhathi, ngenxa yakho konke okuhlangenwe nakho, ukuzinza, nomuzwa wokulondeka akulethayo ebuhlotsheni. Ngaye, ungase ungabi nayo imidlalo yengqondo noma amavayibhu ashisayo noma abandayo.
Angase afune ukuthandana nje noma ubudlelwano obungathi sina. Ayikho indlela yokuchaza okulindelwe ubudlelwano ngokusekelwe eminyakeni yobudala kuphela. Kuyahlukahluka kumuntu nomuntu.
Akuvamile ukuthi uphole nendoda eneminyaka engu-15 ubudala, noma engu-20, noma ngisho nangaphezulu. Ngokomthetho omdala weminyaka yokuqomisana, umehluko omkhulu weminyaka owamukelekayo ubalwa ngefomula elula - ingxenye yobudala bakhe + iminyaka engu-7. Ngakho-ke, uma uneminyaka engu-25, umlingani wakho kufanele abe phakathi kweminyaka engama-38 kuya kwengama-40.
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