Kuthiwani uma sikutshela ukuthi uthandana nendoda yakho eyisicefe ngalezi zimfanelo odelela kuye namuhla? Izinto ezifana nokuzethemba, ukuqiniseka, kanye nokuzibuthe, ezikhanga kakhulu kongase abe uzakwethu, zingafinyelela kalula ekuzicabangeleni, ukuzicabangela, kanye nokukhohlisa. Yingakho kuvame ukuba nzima ukubona amafulegi abomvu ekuziphatheni kwe-narcissist ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano.
Kodwa ngandlela thize, uye waqaphela ukuthi kungenzeka uye waphathwa ngekhadi eliyinkimbinkimbi-umyeni, ukulibeka ngobumnene. Futhi manje uzama ukuthola ukuthi ingabe izinselelo obhekene nazo ebudlelwaneni bakho zingabekwa ngamagama, zilinganiswe - futhi ngethemba - ziyaxazululwa. Ukuqaphela izimpawu zomyeni othanda i-narcissistic ngokuvamile kuyisinyathelo sokuqala kulolu hambo, kulandelwa amasu okubhekana nabantu abanjalo.
Sinochwepheshe bezengqondo UJaseena Backer (MS Psychology), uchwepheshe wokuphatha ubulili nobudlelwano, ukuze akhanyisele izici zakudala zendoda ebhuqabhuqwabhuqwa, izimpawu zokulandisa zokuziphatha kwayo okuyinkinga, namathiphu okusinda kumyeni othanda ukubhuqa.
Ubani I-Narcissist?
Okuqukethwe
Umbhali wencwadi ethi uDkt Ramani Durvasula uthi: “Umxolisi ufana nebhakede elinembobo phansi. Kufanele Ngihlale Noma Kufanele Ngihambe: Ungasinda Kanjani Ebudlelwaneni Nomuntu OnamaNarcissist. Eminyakeni embalwa edlule, kuye kwaba nokugxila okukhulu phakathi kwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo nge-narcissism. I-Narcissistic Personality Disorder ibhekwa njengokuphazamiseka okukhulu kobuntu. IBhayibheli lePsychologists, Incwadi Yokuhlola Nezibalo Zezinkinga Zengqondo (I-DSM-5), ichaza ukuthambekela kwe-narcissistic ngokuthi:
- Umuzwa omkhulu wokuzibona ubalulekile
- Izindinganiso eziphakeme zempumelelo, amandla, ubuhle
- Inkolelo yokuthi "bakhethekile"
- Kudinga ukutuswa ngokweqile
- Umuzwa wokuba nelungelo
- Ikhono lokuxhaphaza nokusebenzisa abanye
- Ukuntula uzwela
- Umona ngabanye, noma inkolelo yokuthi abanye banomona ngabo
- Ukuzikhukhumeza, ukuziphatha okuzidlayo, kanye nesimo sengqondo
Le ncazelo ikhathaza ngokwanele ukufunda, ingasaphathwa eyokuhlala nayo. Cabanga nje uzulazula ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomlingani we-narcissist wedwa! Umyeni onobudlova angase angabi ngempela ekuhlukumezini noma abe nobudlova, kodwa isidingo sakhe esiqhubekayo sokunakwa singakuqeda amandla, njengoba nawe hamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda emzungezile njalo.
Umphumela ongemuhle wokushada ne-narcissist ukuthi ukuzethemba kwakho kungathatha isivinini njengoba uqondisa wonke amandla akho ekulawuleni ukungavikeleki kwakhe. Ukuxilongwa okunembile kwe-NPD kunganikezwa kuphela umelaphi wezempilo yengqondo, kodwa izimpawu zomyeni ezilandelayo zizokunikeza umbono omuhle wokuthi yini omelene nayo.
Izimpawu Zomyeni Wokubhebhana
Naphezu kobuso bawo bokuzethemba, amadoda angama-narcissistic ngokuvamile awajabulile ngaphakathi, futhi ukuhlala nomyeni one-narcissistic kunezinselelo zakho. Bazabalaza nenqubekelaphambili yabanye ngenxa yokuncintisana, umona, ukuzethemba, kanye OKUNINGI umthwalo wemizwa. Izimpawu zomyeni we-narcissist zingase zizizwe njengesijeziso sangempela, njengoba omunye wabo obalulekile ebona ubuhlobo babo bothando buwela emiseleni usuku nosuku.
Jaseena uyachaza, “Ukushada ne-narcissist kusho ukubhekana nokuqagela kwabo, ukukhanyisa igesi, ukuqhunyiswa kwamabhomu, njll. Kuyadida ukubhekana nalesi siphithiphithi futhi ungase uzibuze, “Ingabe kukhona lapho engiphambuka khona? Noma ingabe uyi-narcissist?" Ukuba ne-narcissist yomyeni kudinga ukuthi uye empini uzilungiselele ngokugcwele
1. Kudingeka alawule
Lolu wuphawu lwakudala lomyeni we-narcissistic. Uzophikelela ekubeni nezwi lokugcina ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngeke acabange kabili ngaphambi kokukhansela izinhlelo noma enze ezintsha ngaphandle kokubonisana nawe. KUMELE izinto zihambe ngendlela yakhe kungenjalo uzoquleka kuze kube phakade. Umyeni ongunozinti unekhono elingajwayelekile lokwenza yonke into ngaye. Lokhu kungase kumholele nasekulawuleni izinto ezincane. Lesi sidingo esibucayi sokulawula ngaso sonke isikhathi siwukunikela futhi sibonisa ukuthi uzama ukuba yikho ukubusa ebudlelwaneni.
U-Jaseena uthi, “Ubuntu obubusayo bungenye yezimpawu zokuqala. “Kungaba indlela yami noma umgwaqo omkhulu.” Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, bobabili abalingani bazanelisa izidingo nezifiso zomunye nomunye.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokuhlala Uphilile Ngenkathi Uhlukanisa Umyeni OnamaNarcissistic
2. Ukubeka phansi
Ungazi kanjani ukuthi usebenzisana ne-narcissist? Uzokhuluma nawe ngendlela eyehlisayo, ngokuvamile ngokuncoma/ekwazisa. Kuzobonakala kakhulu lokho akakuhloniphi. Kwezinye izimo, uzozama futhi athathe isikweletu ngezimpumelelo zakho. Nasi isitatimende sakudala — “Bheka ukuthi wenze kahle kangakanani ngaphansi kokuqondisa kwami.”
Ngokuyisisekelo, konke okwenzayo kahle kungenxa yakhe; konke akwenzayo kubi kungenxa yakho. Ukhohlwe izikhiye zemoto lapho ephuma? “Kungani ungangikhumbuzi ukuthi ngiwalande?” yinto yokuqala ephuma emlonyeni wakhe. Ingabe uvame ukukhononda ngokuthi, “Umyeni wami oyi-narcissist ungisola ngakho konke!”? Awu, awuwedwa! Ngoba i-narcissist izohlala ithola indlela yokukusola, ishiye ukuzethemba kwakho kuphelile.
3. Uyathandeka futhi uphumela obala ngocansi
Yebo, lokhu kungase kuzwakale kuyisici esihle kodwa empeleni kuwukuthambekela kwe-narcissistic. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi indoda eyisigayigayi iyazethemba kakhulu; uveza ukukhanga futhi amandla akhe angase abe nomphumela omkhulu amakhemikhali ocansi. Kodwa, kuwumsebenzi nje wokuphulula i-ego yakhe. Izindlela zakhe ezibushelelezi zingase zihambe ngemva kwesikhashana. Ukuthatheka kuyaphela futhi umbona ukuthi uyini ngempela, umuntu ozidlayo.
Lesi sici se-narcissist singahumushela kalula esimweni sokukopela komyeni, lapho ezama khona ukuzithuthukisa ngokunaka ucansi kwabanye abantu. Cabangela lokhu njengenye yezici ezicashile kakhulu zobudlelwano be-narcissistic.
4. Usekelo luyakhetha
Ungase uzizwe sengathi umi nawe ngempela. Impela, angase. Kodwa kuphela ngezikhathi ezithile - lezo ezibonisa kahle ngaye. Uzoza esidlweni sakho se-networking, hhayi ngoba eziqhenya ngawe, kodwa ukuze aveze abanye. Igama olifunayo ngelokuthi “ukuzisebenzela wena” futhi leyo sici itholakala kakhulu kumuntu othanda ukubhuqa. Kubi kabi ukubhekana nendoda enganakile ngoba izimisele ukwenza umzamo inqobo nje uma umphumela uvuna yena.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Yini Okufanele Uyenze Uma Ucabanga Umyeni Wakho Ukuzonda?
5. Unomuzwa wokuthi unelungelo
Ukufunda ukuthi ungahlala kanjani nomyeni onama-narcissist kumayelana nokuzulazula umuzwa oqhubekayo wendoda wokuba nelungelo kanye nokungabi nandaba nawe. Ezweni lakhe elithi “Mina, mina, nami uqobo”, ulindele ukuthi ulungise ngokuvumelana nokuthanda kwakhe nalokho akufisayo. Ingabe uhlela ukukukhiphela isidlo sakusihlwa? Kungenzeka ukuthi, kuzoba indawo yokudlela ayithandayo, ukudla akuthandayo, nesikhathi esimlungele. Eyakho izinsuku zothando zigubuzelwe wukuzidla kwakhe. Ukunganakwa njalo kwezidingo zakho, izinto ozifunayo, kanye nezifiso zakho yiqiniso lokushada ne-narcissist.
UJaseena uyachaza, “Amakhosikazi ahlala enomuzwa wokuthi asengozini emshadweni onjalo.” Ngenxa yokuthi amadoda anjalo aqiniseka kakhulu ngendawo yawo ebudlelwaneni bawo, kuholela ekubeni nomuzwa wemfanelo, okusho ukuthi imibono yomngane womshado ayinakucatshangwa.
6. Uthanda izingxoxo… ngaye
"Umyeni wami wenza konke ngaye!" Kuzwakala ujwayelekile? Umyeni wakho uyazilalela izinkinga zakho kodwa uzenza ngaye. Uthanda ukubamba ukunaka kwesixuku, kodwa kuphela ukuze aziqhayise ngezimpumelelo zakhe ngaphandle kokunaka noma ukuncoma omunye umuntu. Uzizwa ungezwakali ebudlelwaneni ngoba akanandaba noma akanandaba nempilo yakho. Ezikhathini ezingavamile lapho ekulalela khona, kuba khona “umyeni ongenalo uzwela” ohlukile futhi ovamile. Uyintandokazi yakhe, futhi akukho okuningi ongakwenza ngakho.
7. Akazigcwalisi izithembiso zakhe
Lesi ngesinye sezici ezichazayo ze-narcissistic: akavamile ukugcina izithembiso zakhe kuwe. Omunye wemiphumela eyinhloko ye-narcissism kumlingani wakho ukuthi uzizwa ungabalulekile ngenxa yalokho. Kungase kungabi ngamabomu, kodwa nje akacabangi ukuthi kuyinto enkulu. Ukuze azizwe elungile, uzokwethembisa inyanga. Kodwa uma kufika isikhathi sokuyisekela ngezenzo, wayesalela emuva kakhulu.
Lolu phawu lwakudala lomyeni we-narcissistic lungase ludale izindaba zokuthembela emshadweni. Ukungalandeli izithembiso ngokuphindaphindiwe kunemiphumela efinyelela kude futhi kungaholela ekubhidlikeni kwangempela kobudlelwano. Kungenzeka ukuthi uyazikhanyisa, uma, naphezu kokusukuma izikhathi ezimbalwa, usathi, “Ingabe umyeni wami uyi-narcissist noma unobugovu nje?”
8. Izinkinga zakho zibonwa nge-prism yakhe
Ithi ubhekene nesimo esibi kakhulu ekuphileni - ukuxoshwa, ukulahlekelwa othandekayo, noma isimo esiyihlazo esihilela isihlobo noma umngane. Udinga ukwesekwa kulesi simo esisengozini, kodwa umyeni wakho wenzani? Uyazibuza ukuthi kuzolithinta kanjani idumela lakhe noma ukuphila kwakhe. Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso ezitshela kakhulu ukuthi umyeni wakho unobugovu.
Ngisho nezixazululo zakhe zingase zihlungwe kulowo mgomo wokuzicabangela yena yedwa. Ukubeka wena kuqala akukho ku-ajenda yakhe. Futhi njengoba ukusebenzelana nozakwethu wempilo ye-narcissist onolaka ngeke kube yinto ehamba phambili yakho uma kunguwe odinga ukwesekwa, kuzoholela ezingxabano eziningi. Yile ndlela i-narcissism kanye nobudlelwano kuba umjikelezo ononya wokuzigcwalisa.
9. Imibono yabanye ibalulekile kuye
Njengoba i-narcissist inesidingo esikhulu sokuvunyelwa abanye, ingase ingakuqapheli ukukhetha kwakho noma umbono wakho ngezindaba. Phela usungene esikhwameni akasadingi ukukuhlaba umxhwele. Lokhu kuziphatha kuyingxenye yomjikelezo wokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic lapho ekulahlile futhi eziphatha ngendlela ehlukile nawe ngaphandle kweminyango evaliwe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kubalulekile kuye lokho omakhelwane, abaphathi, abangane, noma abantu abajwayele.
Imigilingwane ejabulisa abantu yomyeni wakho ozicabangela yena yedwa kumele ngabe ike yakukhathaza ngesinye isikhathi. U-Jaseena uthi, “Uzofuna ukuqinisekiswa eqenjini lakhe lezenhlalo. Lokhu kuyintela kumngane womshado ngoba akuvamile ukuthi imizamo yakhe iqondiswe emshadweni. ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo lapho umlingani wabo othanda i-narcissistic egxile ekunqobeni abanye.”
10. Umyeni onama-narcissistic uqhudelana nawe
Uma ushade nomyeni we-narcissist, lokhu kuzozwakala kujwayelekile! Ukuhlala ushade nomlingani wempilo ye-narcissistic kungaba nzima kakhulu uma nobabili nisemsebenzini ofanayo. Noma okubi nakakhulu, ehhovisi elifanayo. Ukuzizwa unomona ngomlingani wakho lapho enza okuthile obulokhu uzama ukukwenza isikhathi eside kungaba yimvelo.
Kodwa ukuphila nomyeni othanda i-narcissistic kuzombandakanya ukuphonsa ukulingana njalo lapho uzuza okuthile. Lesi sifiso sokunqoba umncintiswano cishe siyiphuzu lombango emshadweni wenu; uma ukhushulelwa esikhundleni kodwa yena angakutholi, uNkulunkulu akusize. Angase aze afinyelele ezingeni lokusebenzisa isikhundla sakhe emsebenzini ukuze azame ukucekela phansi impumelelo yakho. Usazibuza, ingabe uyi-narcissist?
11. I-narcissist idoba ukuze ibongwe
Nakuba ukuzethemba kungase kube enye yezici ze-narcissistic, isikole sokucabanga siphakamisa ukuthi "babonakala" kuphela ukuzethemba. Isibonelo esicacile sokuziphatha kwe-narcissistic ebudlelwaneni uma bengakutholi ukunakwa okwanele, bayakufuna. Futhi ngokuvamile, basebenzisa abanye abantu - ngokuvamile labo abathobekile noma abazithobayo - ukuze babanikeze ukuqinisekiswa okudingekayo ukuze bazizwe bebalulekile.
Umfana onama-narcissist wenza yonke into ngaye futhi uhlale ebheke ukuletha ingxoxo kuye ukuze akwazi ukujabulela ukugqama. Yingakho akufanele ukondle i-egos yabo ngokudumisa. Ukuntula ukunakwa ngeke yenza umuntu onama-narcissist abe lusizi khona manjalo.
12. Ufuna kube nezwi lokugcina engxabanweni
A umuntu ocabanga ukuthi angeke enze okubi ubizwa...umyeni wakho? Ukuthambekela komlingani we-Narcissistic kubandakanya ukuthi bahlale befuna ukuba nezwi lokugcina kunoma iyiphi ingxabano. Ukulwa kuyingxenye yabo bonke ubudlelwane. Kodwa ukuphikisana nendoda enganakile kuyize. Njengoba ethanda umsindo wezwi lakhe, ngeke akuvumele ukuthi ukhulume. Impi iba impi yokuzazisa futhi ukuxazulula izingxabano kuyaphuma esithombeni. Akunakwenzeka ukumenza aqonde umbono wakho ngoba ulwela “ukuwina”, hhayi ukuxazulula inkinga.
UJaseena uyachaza, “Kunzima kakhulu ukuhlala nomuntu osebenzisa izidakamizwa. Uma umyeni wakho exakeke ngokuwina izingxabano - ezinkulu nezincane - kungenye yezimpawu ezisobala ukuthi usebenzelana ne-narcissist.
13. Akanabangane abaningi
Uma unomuntu oshade naye othanda i-narcissistic, uzoqaphela ukuthi abakaze benze abangane abahloniphekile. Zibuze ukuthi umyeni wakho unabo yini ubungane obunenjongo. Cishe cha. Kanti imithelela yokuganwa yinkonkoni ikwenza ulahlekelwe ukuxhumana nowakho.
Ama-Narcissists anabantu abajwayele ukujwayelana nabo noma labo abadla i-egos yabo. Kungakho i-narcissist ilwela ukusekela ukuxhumana phakathi nesikhathi. Ekugcineni, abantu bayayeka ukubanelisa, ngakho bacikeka ngobuhlobo. Bafuna abantu babathande, kodwa abakwazi ukuthanda abantu emuva - lokho kuyizindinganiso eziphindwe kabili zama-narcissist!
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu eziyi-8 ze-Covert Narcissist Hoovering nokuthi Kufanele Usabele Kanjani
14. Kulungele ukubhekisiswa kakhulu
Ekuqaleni, indlela akubheka ngayo ingase ibonakale njengehlaya. Kodwa uyabona ngokushesha ukuthi akwenzeki ukuthi ukhulume nendoda enganakile ngoba ihlekisa ngakho konke okushoyo noma okwenzayo. Kungase kube nzima ukuhlala nomuntu ocabanga ukuthi unamahlaya kodwa, eqinisweni, usebenzisa amahlaya njengethuluzi lokukululaza futhi empeleni ungumuntu uphawu lobudlelwano obungenampilo.
Umsindo wakhe uhambisana nokukloloda, futhi akazi nhlobo ukuthi uyakulimaza. Uma othile ehlekisa ngokubukeka kwakho, njalo kuthinta ukuzethemba kwakho kabi. Ngenxa yalokho, kuya ngokuya kuba nzima ukuphila nomyeni onama-narcissistic, ikakhulukazi uma lokhu kukloloda njalo nokuthukana kuvela endaweni yokuzithoba.
15. Uyakucasula
Njengoba ama-narcissists engamaqili, angase asebenzise zonke izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngamazwi nangokomzwelo ukuze akwenze uzizwe ungalondekile, ungazethembi, futhi ungabaza. I-narcissistic yakho ebalulekile izokuphendulela amatafula lapho uzwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwakho. Uzokusola ngenkinga, enze imizwelo yakho ingasebenzi, futhi adlale isisulu. Uzokunikeza indlela yokuthula uma kudingeka.
U-Jaseena uthi, “I-gaslighting iwuhlobo lobudlova olwenziwayo.Umxosha ulokhu ebeka umkakhe endaweni, emsola ngokuziphatha kwakhe.Kungenye yezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu ongazibona.Angase asebenzise imishwana ye-gaslighting njengokuthi, "Lokhu kwenzeke ngoba wenze i-XYZ" noma "Awunabani ongakusola ngaphandle kwakho"."
16. Uzabalaza nokuzibophezela
Ezicini zomyeni we-narcissist zakudala, lokhu kufanele ukuthi ukubonile ngokuqinisekile. Ngathini ngababhebha abantu bebhorekile? Umshado uyizinga eliphezulu kakhulu lokuzibophezela lapho izinto zingashisi ilanga noma uthingo lwenkosazana. Ubudlelwano buzoba neziqephu ezingezinhle, izingxabano, nokungezwani. Ukusebenza ngazo kudinga isineke nokubekezela - into entula i-narcissist. Kungase kube nezimo zokungathembeki ngokobulili nangokomzwelo futhi uma ushade nomuntu ophuza utshwala. Umyeni onama-narcissistic ukukopela ngokuvamile kuvela endabeni yakhe ngokuzibophezela.
17. Akasoze axolisa
Ukushada ne-narcissist kusho ukuthi awusoze wamuzwa exolisa ngesenzo sakhe. Ukuziphendulela akuyona into eqinile ye-narcissist. Umshado uhlukumezeka lapho umlingani engakwazi ukuthwala isibopho ngezenzo zakhe. Ngokungazi, ubuchitha ngokuphelele ubuhlobo. Ukuziphatha okunjalo yikho okunomthelela emiphumeleni emibi esabekayo ye-narcissism kumlingani. Lokhu kungenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuthola ukuthi ungahlala kanjani nomyeni oyi-narcissist.
18. Ngeke ayimele isehlukaniso
Naphezu kwamaphutha omlingani wakho oyi-narcissistic (angeke avume), uzothuthumela uma uthatha isinyathelo sokuhlukana naye. Ukuzicabangela kwakhe, isidingo sakhe sokuveza isithombe sempilo enomona kwabanye, kanye nokudinga kwakhe umuntu ozobambelela kukho konke kube nomthelela ekubeni aphikisane kakhulu nomqondo wesehlukaniso. Uma ukhuluma ngokuhlukana, uzogudluza izulu nomhlaba ukuze akubuyise. Futhi uzobhekana nenqubo eyingozi futhi emangalisayo ebizwa ngokuthi i-narcissistic hoovering. Le phethini ivame kakhulu ebudlelwaneni obubandakanya i-narcissist, okwenza kube nzima ukuhlukana nabo.
19. Umyeni onama-narcissistic une-ego enkulu
Ukukhohlisa kwakhe kobukhulu kanye nomuzwa oyihaba wokuzicabangela ngokusobala kubangela ukuzazisa okukhulu. Noma yimuphi umzamo wokuwuqhuma uzohlangatshezwa nokuhlehla. Umyeni wakho uyaqiniseka ukuthi uchwepheshe ezindabeni eziningi. Wazi kangcono futhi abantu kufanele bahlale belalela iseluleko sakhe.
UNkulunkulu makakwenqabele ukuthi uzame ukumnikeza isheke langempela ngoba uzohlehla ngamandla amakhulu. Uma uzulazula empilweni nomyeni othanda i-narcissistic, cishe awukaze ngisho nakanye umuzwe evuma ukuthi unephutha noma ubengazi okuthile ngokuthile. Engqondweni yakhe uyindoda ehlakaniphe kunabo bonke, futhi akukho lutho alushoyo olungake lube iphutha. Lokhu empeleni ukuchazwa kakhulu kwezici zomyeni we-narcissist.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuqomisana A Narcissist? Nazi Izimpawu Futhi Ukuthi Ikushintsha Kanjani
20. Ubudlelwano bakhe buhlale bunezinkinga
Kungenzeka ukuthi awuzange ufike kuwe lapho uqala ukumthanda noma ngisho nokushada naye, kodwa thatha isikhashana uhlaziye ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano bakhe bangaphambili behlulekile. Ingabe uhlale esola izintombi zakhe zangaphambili ngakho konke okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni bakhe bangaphambili? Ingabe uyaziveza njengesisulu? Uma ubheka emuva, uyabona ukuthi uhlezi ezwakala edabukile enhliziyweni engenaphutha? Uma engalokothi azibophezele ngengxenye yakhe ebudlelwaneni, ngithemba ukuthi uyayibona iphethini ukugxeka lapha. Esinye sezibonakaliso ezivame kakhulu zomyeni we-narcissist ukungakwazi kwakhe ukuvuma nokwamukela amaphutha akhe.
21. I-narcissist ithanda ukweluleka
Esinye isici esibikezelwa kalula! Njengoba bezicabangela kakhulu, ama-narcissists athanda ukunikeza izeluleko, eziceliwe noma ezingacelwanga. Amasenti abo amabili afana namadola amabili. Ingabe umyeni wakho naye uvula i-monologue mayelana nokuthi ucabangani ngokuthile? Ukumphazamisa kuyize; okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuphuma ukumyeka asho ucezu lwakhe ukuze kube nokuthula.
Kubize ngokuthi ukubhuquza noma ukubhuquza okungapheli, umphumela uyafana. Futhi lokho okuvela kuyo, futhi, kuwumbono omkhulu wokuthi ubaluleke kangakanani. Uma uzama ukubhekana nendoda enganaki-nolaka, kufanele uqonde ukuthi engqondweni yakhe, akekho obaluleke ukwedlula yena.
Ngibhekana Kanjani Nomyeni Onama-Narcissistic?
Uma umyeni wakho ebonisa izici ezingaphezu kwezingu-10 ze-narcissistic ezishiwo ngenhla, kungenzeka ukuthi une-NPD. Kungase kuthukuthelise njengoba kuvela imifantu emshadweni wakho. Umshado ngamunye unesabelo sawo sezithiyo, kodwa uma unomlingani othanda ukubhuqa, izithiyo zingabonakala zingenakuxazululeka kanye nezingqinamba ezinqwabelene kuwe. Umsebenzi omncane ovela kini nobabili ungakwenza gcina umshado. Njengoba uJohn Gottman esho, "Siphinda lokho esingakulungisi." Ngakho-ke, uma ulokhu uzibuza ukuthi, "Indlela yokubhekana nomyeni othanda i-narcissistic", amathiphu alandelayo angase akusize uthathe isinyathelo sokuqala sokulungisa lobu budlelwano obunamaphutha ajulile:
1. Yenza isinqumo futhi uhlole lokho okulindele
I-Introspection iyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuthola indlela yokusingatha umyeni oyisidina. Ikakhulukazi uma usebenzelana nendoda ewumlutha wotshwala, kufanele uhlole ukuthi ingabe amandla akho ashukumisayo ayahlukumeza, futhi wenze isinqumo mayelana nokushiya noma ukuthola usizo olusheshayo, kungaba ngokuphoqelela umthetho, ochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo, noma abangani nomndeni. Zibuze:
- Bume kuphi ubudlelwano bakho: sebuphenduke baba nokuhlukumeza? Ingabe ilimaza impilo yakho engokwenyama noma engokwengqondo?
- Nquma ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuba kuyo isikhathi eside. Ingabe kuyafaneleka?
- Ungakwazi yini ukuzibophezela ekuzameni ukwenza lo mshado usebenze?
Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi awukwazi ukulindela ukululama ngokuyisimangaliso nomyeni we-narcissistic. Ngeke ulindele ukuthi aguqe ngamadolo acele intethelelo uma usumtshela ukuthi ukuphathe kabi kanjani. Kuzoba yinqubo ende, edonsa kanzima, ezodinga ukuthi ubekezele ngokwedlulele. I-NPD iwukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okungamahlalakhona, futhi ukulindela ukuthi izonyamalala kuzophumela kuphela ebuhlungwini benhliziyo nokudumala.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukwelulekwa Ngobudlelwano - Konke Odinga Ukukwazi
2. Cabanga ngobuqotho
Ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume nomyeni othanda i-narcissistic, bheka isimo sakho ngombono oqondile. Tadisha umyeni wakho, thola amaphuzu lapho ebonisa khona izimfanelo ezishiwo ngenhla, futhi ufunde ukuzihlukanisa. Wonke umuntu ulolongwa ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Bhekisisa ukuthi yini ethinte umyeni wakho kakhulu. Ingabe kukhona ukuhlukumezeka okungakaxazululwa? Ingabe wayenayo abazali abanobuthi kanye nobuntwana obuhlukumezayo? Noma ingabe i-psyche yakhe iwumphumela wobudlelwane obubi?
Uma usukwazi ukuthola imbangela, uyokwazi ukumqonda kangcono. Lokhu kuvivinya umzimba kungasiza ukuvikela amandla akho ngenkathi ngesikhathi esifanayo ubamba isimo sakhe. Uzodinga uzwela olukhulu kulo msebenzi; ukuqonda uhambo lomngane wakho womshado kuzoba umsebenzi onzima.
3. Khuluma okukukhathazayo ngempumelelo nangokukhululekile
Uma usuwenzile ukuzihlola okwanele, zama ukuqhubekela phambili ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngisho nasemshadweni ojabulisayo. Uma uzama ukuphatha umyeni onama-narcissistic, kubaluleka kakhulu ukumtshela konke obekukukhathaza. Kungenzeka ukuthi ngeke azi ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe bekukuthinta kanjani, ngakho-ke kukuwe ukwenza isiqiniseko sokuthi uyazi. Indlela yokubhekana nomyeni we-narcissist?
- Sondela engxoxweni ngenjongo yokuthola isisombululo, hhayi ukukhetha ukulwa
- Zama ukusungula ngokuthula izinto ebezikukhathaza
- Qiniseka ukuthi umenza azizwe ezwile
- Esikhundleni sokusebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Wena,” zama ukusebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Mina” noma “Thina”. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi, ”Angiqondi ukuthi kungani ukhuluma kanjalo nami”, ungathi, “Asinamusa komunye nomunye, akusenzi lutho kithi uma sikhuluma kanje”
4. Ziqhelelanise nezingxabano nomuntu obhedayo
Kunzima, noma kungenzeki, ukuvala umyeni onama-narcissistic ngenxa yokuthambekela kwakhe ekwenzeni ihaba. Ukuqophisana nendoda enganakile bese kuba yize. Kodwa, ukuthula kungcono kunokuphikisana ngezinye izikhathi. U-Jaseena uthi, “Ninganyakazi. Yekani ukufanisa amagalelo akhe ngentshiseko efanayo. Nobabili ninokungafani kobuntu benu. Ningase nibe nozwela! Omunye wenu kufanele avuthiwe mayelana nesimo.”
Uma uzama ukusinda kumyeni oyi-narcissist, ukuzibandakanya kukho konke ukulwa akuthathayo kuzokubangela ukuthi ushise futhi uzizwe ukhathele. Kulungile ukukhetha ukuqhela ekulweni ngoba izinto eziningi ngeke zisafaneleka ukulwa ngazo.
5. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
Indlela ephumelela kakhulu yokusingatha othandekayo oyi-narcissist iwukuba uzifunele ukwelulekwa. Ungase uzame ngisho nokwelashwa kwezithandani ngomelaphi onelayisensi, okungukuthi uma umlingani wakho ethanda. Njengoba i-NPD ingukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okungapheli, ukuxilonga okunembile kochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo kanye ne-CBT noma i-REBT kubalulekile kumlingani wakho ukuze akwazi ukwenza ushintsho endleleni aphila ngayo. Futhi, okungukuthi, uma evulekele kuyo.
Ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kusize imibhangqwana eminingi ukuthi isebenze ebuhlotsheni bayo obunezinkinga futhi iphile impilo yomshado enenjabulo elawulekayo. Ku-Bonobology, yethu iphaneli yabeluleki abanolwazi nabelaphi ingakuqondisa kulesi sikhathi esineziyaluyalu emshadweni wakho, futhi ikusize uzuze ubudlelwano obuvumelanayo njengalobo obuhlale ubulangazelela.
6. Thatha isikhathi sami
Indlela yokubhekana nomlingani we-narcissist uma kungenjalo ngokuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho nawe? (Ukusikisela: Lokho futhi kuyisihluthulelo sanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo bothando nomshado ojabulisayo!) Uma usothandweni nendoda enganakile, kungabangela ukuzethemba okuphansi ngoba uhlale umenza azizwe ejabule. Ukubhekana nama-antics akhe angacabangeli usuku nosuku nakanjani kuzokhathala. Ukuze unakekele inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo, ungakhohlwa ukuzibeka kuqala.
- Chitha isikhathi nawe
- Dala okunye isikhala somuntu siqu zokuzinakekela nokuzitika
- Hlangana nabangane bakho, obathandayo
- Phishekela umdlalo wokuzilibazisa
- Zitotose ngento ewubukhazikhazi
- Nakekela impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokwengqondo
7. Zisukumele
Uma ubonile izimpawu ze-narcissism phakathi nesigaba sokuqomisana kodwa usanquma ukushada naye, kubalulekile ukudweba imingcele kusukela ekuqaleni ukuze ubalekele umjikelezo wokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic. Cacisa ukuthi yini eyamukelekayo nengamukeleki. Umuntu oshade naye onama-narcissistic uzokujabulela ukukuphoxa noma ukwenza izinto ezizombeka obala.
Ungaweli ngakho. Qhubeka umbiza ngokuziphatha okungenanhlonipho futhi uqinisekise ukuthi uyazi ukuthi akulungile ukuhamba phezu kwakho. Ukuze uthole ukuthula kwengqondo, kungase kubonakale kulinga ukunikeza izikhathi ezimbalwa futhi usole - ukuze nje impi iphele. Kodwa lapho wenza lokho kakhulu, uzocabanga ukuthi kulungile ukukudelela.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- I-Narcissistic Personality Disorder yi-DSM-5-eyaziwa ngokuyinhloko yobuntu
- Ubudlelwano obusondelene nomuntu oyisigayo bungagcina buhlukumezeka emoyeni bese buphenduka ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo.
- Wonke ama-narcisists anomuzwa ophezulu wokuzibona ebalulekile, ukuzethemba obuthakathaka, ukuzazisa okukhulu, kanye nesidingo sokuphathwa okukhethekile njengokuthambekela okuvamile kwe-narcissistic.
- Izimpawu zomyeni onama-narcissist zifaka phakathi ukubizwa ngamagama, ukugxekwa njalo, kanye nokuphawula okungekuhle kuze kube yilapho ukuzethemba kwakho sekuqala.
- Ukuba sebudlelwaneni ne-narcissist kuzwakala njengesijeziso futhi kudinga ukuthi uhlole lokho okulindele, ube nohlelo lokusekela, njengabangane, amalungu omndeni, nabanye obathandayo, futhi ufune ukwelulekwa
- Udinga futhi ukufunda izinto ezithile, njengokuxhumana nabo ngempumelelo, ukumelana nabo, nokukhetha izimpi zakho nabo.
Ngendlela yakhona eyedlulele, ukuhlala ne-narcissism ebudlelwaneni bothando kungaholela ekucindezelekeni noma ngisho nokuzilimaza; ama-narcissists azibekela imigomo ephakeme kakhulu engenakufezwa, awakwazi ukusingatha ukwehluleka, futhi ayazicabangela kakhulu ukuba acabangele imizwa yabanye. Ukuhlala nozakwenu onama-narcissistic kuyinselele, kodwa kungcono kakhulu uma ulawula isimo. Lwela ukuthuthukisa!
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ngokuvamile, i-narcissist ishada nomuntu ophambene naye - onozwela.
Ungaphakeli i-ego yabo. Ungathathi umthwalo wemfanelo ngokungafaneleki kwabo. Ungabasoli—ngoba lokho kungase kukhulise intukuthelo yabo. Ungathathi icala nawe. Ungacasuki ngesikhathi sokuxabana.
Uma uqale isehlukaniso, lindela esinzima. Abantu abangamaNarcissistic cishe babona isehlukaniso njengesehluleki ngasohlangothini lwabo. Ngeke bavume kalula. Zama futhi uhlale uzolile ngesikhathi kuqhubeka icala. Ungazivikele kakhulu. Kuzoholela kuphela ezingxabanweni ezinkulu njengoba ama-narcissists ethanda ingxabano enhle.
Wonke umuntu uyakwazi ukushintsha, kodwa ukuze umyeni we-narcissist ashintshe, kufanele aqale amukele ukuthi unezinkinga. Leso yisithiyo esikhulu kule nqubo. Abacabangi ukuthi banephutha futhi badinga ukushintsha.
Imibuzo Eyi-100 Yothando Yokubuza Intombi Yakho Futhi Yenze Inhliziyo Yayo Incibilike
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
