Ungaba Nobungane Bothando Nothile? Izimpawu Eziyisi-10 Ezisho Ngakho

Ukuzithola ngisebunganeni bezothando kwakufana nokuwela endaweni yemizwa engakaziwa, inhlanganisela yobungane kanye nezothando ezicashile ezidelela amalebula endabuko. Konke kwaqala ngezinga lokusondelana ngokomzwelo elalidlula ubungane obuvamile; sazithola sesixoxa ngemicabango nemizwa ngendlela ekhomba okuthile okujule kakhulu.

Le mizwa yayidida, okungenani, ngoba umqondo wokuthi abangane nothando abahlangani ugxilile kakhulu ezingqondweni zethu. Kodwa-ke, ucwaningo oluthakazelisayo lwango-2021 lusize ekushintsheni umbono wami. Njengengxenye yalolu cwaningo, abafundi baseyunivesithi kanye nabantu abadala sibacele ukuba bachaze ukuziphatha abakuhlanganisa nobungane kanye nalokho abakuhlanganisa nothando lothando. Bagcina benezincazelo ezifanayo kubo bobabili.

Abacwaningi bathole nokuthi izingxenye ezimbili kwezintathu zezithandani ziqala njengabangane. Kodwa kuthiwani uma sizithola singaphandle kwe kanambambili yezothando zobungane? Kuthiwani uma uthando lwethu olwanelisa kakhulu luphakathi kobungane nezothando? Kuthiwani uma umbono wethu wokuzibophezela ungagxili othandweni lothando, kodwa ugxile ebunganini? Kulapho-ke umugqa phakathi kobungani nezothando ufiphala khona, futhi siqonde endaweni yobungane bothando. Ake sihlolisise ukuthi ubungane obunjalo obunothando bugoqelani.

Buyini Ubungane Bothando?

Buyini ubungani bothando? Futhi ungathandana nomngane? Bungubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu ababili abangaphezu kwabangane , kodwa abangaphansi kwabathandi, abasondelene ngokomzwelo, uthando olujulile, kanye nomuzwa wokuzibophezela okulingana nokwabalingani/abalingani bendabuko bothando, ngaphandle kwezenzo zocansi.

Igama elithi ubungane bothando lihlehlela emuva esikhathini lapho abesilisa nabesifazane bakha ubudlelwano obuqinile, obukhethekile, bobulili obufanayo. Abanye baze banikeza umshado wabantu bobulili obuhlukile nobudlelwano bothando bendabuko ibhuthi lokuzinza nomngane wabo oseduze, babelane ngendlu yabo, itafula, ngisho nesikhwama semali - ngaphandle kokuzinyeza okubonakala sengathi. Lokhu ikakhulukazi kwakungezona ezocansi, kodwa ukuntuleka kobuhlobo bobulili akuyona into echaza ubungane obuseduze.

Amalungiselelo anjalo abhalwe kahle ezincwadini zeRenaissance ngobungane besilisa futhi aba nomlando wawo kusukela ekhulwini leshumi nesishiyagalolunye kuya ekuqaleni kwekhulu lamashumi amabili laseMelika ngendlela yemishado yaseBoston. Imishado yaseBoston yayihilela abesifazane abangashadile nabazimele ngokwezimali ababengaphezu kwabahlala nabo endlini; babengabangane abaseduze. Babevame ukuzibophezela ukuphila kwabo konke komunye nomunye futhi benothando olujulile ngomunye nomunye. Futhi bakha ubuhlobo obunjalo bobulili obufanayo ngaphandle kokuhlukanisa umbono womphakathi noma ukuphambana nezinkambiso zomphakathi.

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Ngaphezu kwabangane, ngaphansi kwezithandwa

Ukuhamba ngama-akhawunti anamuhla, ubudlelwano obufanayo, nezinhlelo ezisebenzayo zithola ukuthandwa ezikhathini zanamuhla. Abangane abathandanayo, hhayi abobulili obufanayo, bathenga amakhaya futhi bathathe noma bakhulise izingane bodwa. Abanye bahlala nabangane babo asebeshade kakhulu njengomkhaya. Abanye bayeka ubudlelwano bothando ukuze bakhethe umngane othandekayo njengomlingani wabo wokuqala wempilo. Abanye bakwenza kube semthethweni ngokuthembisana uthando lwaphakade nokushaywa.

Esihlokweni esiku- Telegraph , umbhali uTracy Emerson, osehlale emshadweni waseBoston nomngani wakhe uSusie iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili manje, uchaze ubungane babo obuseduze obusho ukuthi “okungaphezu kwabangane, okungaphansi kwabathandi” njengobunye bokusondelana ngokomzwelo kodwa hhayi ngokocansi. Ngokusho kwakhe, nakuba begcine ama-akhawunti abo asebhange ehlukene, ukusebenzisana kwansuku zonke ebunganeni babo bothando besifazane kufana nezici ezithile zomshado ojwayelekile kanye nobudlelwano obuvulekile nobunothando . Njengoba ubona, lobu bungane obuseduze bunezigaba futhi buyinkimbinkimbi. Kodwa uma nje buqonda abantu abakubo, asikho isizathu sokuthi umqondo wothando ebunganeni ungaphumeleli.

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Ubungani Bothando vs Uthando lukaPlato

Ngakho-ke ungabona kanjani ukuthi ningabangani nabathandi? Ningabangane nje, hhayi abathandi? Ingabe nisuka kubangani niya kubathandi? Nithanda kodwa hhayi abangani? Nithandani endleleni eya ekubeni abangane? Uthando lobungani vs uthando lothando, iyiphi incazelo efanelana? Ukukhangana kothando vs ubungani, yikuphi ongakhetha ukwakha impilo yakho? Kuthiwani uma wenqaba ngokuphelele uthando lobungani? Ukuphi-ke? Wazi kanjani ukuthi unobuhlobo obuqinile vs ubuhlobo bothando noma okuthile okuphakathi? Futhi ungathandana nomngane? Yebo, ukuhlanganisa imigqa yabangane nothando kungavula indlela yemibuzo eminingi edidayo.

Nokho, nansi into ngobudlelwano: kungaba nzima ngendlela emangalisayo ukukuchaza, futhi cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba “nencazelo yangempela”. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi sonke sihlukile futhi kunjalo nangezindlela esixhumana ngazo nabanye. Alikho ilebula elincane elicocekile elingathwebula ukuthi abantu ababili bazizwa kanjani ngomunye nomunye futhi ukuchaza imingcele yobudlelwano kufana nokudweba imigqa esihlabathini. Nakuba ingekho imigqa eqinile, kukhona amadigri okuhlukanisa. Nazi ezinye ezihlukanisa lobu bungani bezothando kobo-platonic:

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Ingabe bungaba khona ubungane bothando phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane?

Ngesikhathi uHarry ehlangana noSally, wayegcizelela kakhulu: indoda nowesifazane abakwazi ukuba abangane ngoba “ingxenye yobulili ihlala iphazamisa”. Kusukela lapho izifundo zikhombisile ukuthi abantu bakholelwa ukuthi ubungani obuyimfihlo phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane bungenzeka kakhulu (nakuba ukuze kube nobulungiswa bathole nokuthi abantu abaningi banethemba ngasese lokuthi ubungani babo buzophenduka okunye). Ngakho-ke, kuthiwani ngobungani bothando? Ingabe kungaba khona uthando lobungani phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane?

Uma ubudlelwano be-platonic phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane bungaphunyuki ngempela kwi-lens ye-Eros ezikhathini zethu zanamuhla, akuwona neze ukwelula ukusho ukuthi ubungane bezothando phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane bungaba lukhuni kakhulu ukuzulazula. Ikakhulukazi, uma kukhona abalingani bothando noma abalingani ekuxubeni. Kuyangabaza kakhulu ukuthi umlingani othandana naye angavuma ukuthi akungabi yinto ebaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Lokho akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bothando phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane cishe buyinto engenakwenzeka. Phela uma kukhulunywa ngobudlelwano asikho isifanekiso esilingana nawe. Futhi ubani othi kufanele kube khona?

Ungaba Nobungane Bothando Nothile? Izimpawu Eziyisi-10 Ezisho Ngakho

Bathi kunezinhlobo eziningi zothando njengezinhliziyo. Ngakho-ke ulugcina kanjani uhlobo luni enhliziyweni yakho? Uthando lwanamuhla luhlanganise uthando lothando nezinye izinhlobo zothando kakhulu kangangokuthi kuvame ukuba nzima ukukuhlukanisa. Phakathi kwakho konke ukudideka kwethu sonke ngothando, sazi kanjani ukuthi hlobo luni lothando esiluzwayo ngomngane? Sithola kanjani ukuthi isibopho esinaso singokwezifiso, sothando, noma sobungane bothando okusho okuthile okuphakathi? Nansi izimpawu ezingu-7 zobungani bothando ezibonisa ukuthi ungaba sebudlelwaneni obunjalo:

1. Usothandweni lwangempela, uyahlanya

Umhlanganyeli kolunye ucwaningo mayelana nobungane obungenalo uthando locansi — ubudlelwano obuseduze kodwa obungenalo ucansi phakathi kwabangane, uma uthanda — uchaza ukuhlangana nomngane wakhe ngale ndlela: “…uma kwakukhona uthando ekuqaleni, khona-ke, yilokho okwakuyikho lapho ngimbona [yena]. Futhi kwakungeyona into yocansi, kwakufana nokuthi, kufanele ngiyazi le ntombazane, futhi kwakuwukukhanga okukhulu kimi kuye.”

Nakuba bagcina behlukene, umhlanganyeli waba nemizwa yothando ejulile futhi ejulile ngokungajwayelekile ngomngane wakhe. Uze wakuchaza nokuhlukana kwabo “njengokwehlukana”. Omunye uchaze uthando lwakhe lobungane ngokuthi “lucishe lufane nokuthandana nomuntu”.

Imizwa yothando olunamandla nolunentshiseko, ngisho noma kungekho ukukhangana ngokocansi, iyisici sobungane bothando. Kulapha kuphela, kukhona umuzwa wokuba ngumnikazi/wokuba yingxenye, ukuphepha, ukuqinisekiswa, nothando olungenamibandela nokwamukelwa, okungaphandle kwemingcele emincane yobungani obuvamile kanye nezihibe zothando. Ngamanye amazwi, abangane nothando kungaxubana futhi kuyaxubana.

Kunesifiso esijulile sokwazana, ukuba ndawonye, ​​nokwabelana ngezinto ezinhle nezingezinhle zansuku zonke, okungadingeki ukuthi kuqiniswe ukusondelana ngokomzimba noma ukukhombisa izici zocansi ezivamile ebudlelwaneni bezothando bendabuko. Lokhu mhlawumbe yikho okwenza laba bangane bazizwe bethandana.

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2. Ukuthola kunzima ukuchaza ubuhlobo bakho

Igama elithi ubungani bothando lanciphisa kancane kancane ubumsulwa balo njengoba ikhulu lama-20 liqhubeka, kanye nososayensi bezocansi, uSigmund Freud phakathi kwabo, bememezela ngokwengeziwe ukusondelana kwabantu bobulili obufanayo kanye nobudlelwano bobulili obufanayo njengento ephambene futhi engathandeki kakhulu. Baze bahlanganisa amagama amasha ngabangane bothando, njengokuthi “lesbian”, “gay”, “morbid”, kanye “diseased,” noma njengoba isazi-mlando uLillian Faderman ephawula encwadini ethi Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present , “twilight lovers”, abantu abangahlelekile ababehlala “phakathi kobulili”.

Lokhu kushiye abantu bemanqikanqika ukukhombisa uthando kubangani, ikakhulukazi abobulili obufanayo. Ngokuhamba kweminyaka, ngenxa yokuguquguquka kwezikhathi zanamuhla nothando lwesimanje, amanye amalebula angemahle aye ashabalala futhi amanye amasha afakwa kuwo: umngane ongcono kakhulu womphefumulo, umuntu wami, ukugibela noma ukufa, ubudlelwano obungewona ocansini, ubungane obuzibophezele, ubungane obuseduze, ubungane obuseduze, uthando lobungane - kanti nokho, abangane bothando basakuthola kunzima ukuthola ulimi olucacile kubantu bangaphandle.

Uma ngiboleka amazwi ka-Oprah Winfrey, ubungane bakhe obuseduze noGayle King buye bamema ukucutshungulwa okuningi phakathi neminyaka edlule: “Ungasondelana kanjani ngale ndlela ngaphandle kokuba kube ubulili?

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3. Izimpilo zenu zigxile komunye nomunye

Abangane abathandanayo bathatha amagama athi ukusondelana ngokomzwelo futhi batshalwe ngokomzwelo baye ezingeni elisha ngokuphelele. Bajwayelene ngokujulile nezifiso zomunye nomunye, baqede imisho yomunye nomunye, futhi babonakala bematasa kakhulu ngomunye nomunye. Lokhu kuba yisisekelo lapho kwakhiwe khona ubungane obuseduze. Njengoba umhlanganyeli ocwaningweni elandisa : “Ngakho ngicabanga ukuthi abayeni bethu bayabona ukuthi ukuxhumana kwethu kuwukuxhumana okuyinhloko futhi ngicabanga ukuthi bazizwa sengathi bangaphandle.”

Lokhu akumangazi neze uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi abangane bothando banikela ingxenye enkulu yamandla abo nokunaka komunye nomunye. Nokho, ngokuba isizinda somunye nomunye wamandla adonsela phansi, baba isiphephelo noma inetha lokuphepha lapho bengahlola khona obunye ubungane, nobudlelwano bothando, noma baze bahlole futhi balule amathuba okuthi uthando lubukeka kanjani.

Abangane abathandanayo bangase bangene nakwezinye izindlela zobudlelwano ezingajwayelekile, njengokuziphatha okungenabo ubunye bomuntu oyedwa, uhlobo lobuhlobo obungenabo ubunye bomuntu oyedwa lapho bangase baphishekele khona ubudlelwano obuningi bobulili/bothando ngesikhathi esisodwa, kodwa ngesixwayiso esisodwa: bonke abalingani babo bayazana.

Yini eyenza konke lokhu kwenzeke? Ubungane babo obuzinikele njengoba bengakwazi njalo “ukubheka ngale kwehlombe labo futhi bazi ukuthi umngane wabo ukhona ukuze abasize,” kusho u-Aminatou Sow no-Ann Friedman, ababhali be- Big Friendship , abafune ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana ngesinye isikhathi ukuze basindise ubungane babo.

4. Nikhombisana izinga elikhulu lokunakekelana

Ifoni yakho ngo-3 ekuseni, ukugibela kwakho esikhumulweni sezindiza ngo-5am, kanye nokungilanda noma nini. Yibo ongathembela kubo ukuthi bazolahla yonke into futhi bagijimele kuwe uma ukudinga. Bawumndeni wakho owukhethile. Labo okhetha ukuthembela kubo ngokuphelele. Ama-absorber akho okwethuka lapho izinto zingahambi kahle. Ubungane obunjalo bothando bungaba umthombo omkhulu wokuqonda nokusekelwa komuntu.

Emphakathini lapho ubungane buthathwa njengesibili esigabeni sobudlelwano, abangani abathandanayo bawubufakazi bendlela abantu abangaphandle komndeni wendabuko - abangani bakho - abangangena ngayo ezindimeni ezibalulekile zabathulula isifuba, abahlala ndawonye, ​​abazali osebenza nabo, ngisho nabanakekeli. Babekela inselele imibono yendabuko yendima abangayidlala ezimpilweni zethu. Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso ezinkulu zobungane bothando.

5. Ibanga alishintshi ukuxhumana kwakho

Enye into ehlukile ngobungani bothando: yize ningabathandani kangako , imizwa yenu ayibonakali iphela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi noma ibanga, njengoba umuntu engabona kobunye ubudlelwano bendabuko. Uyazi ukuthi ungathembela kumngane wakho wothando, noma ngabe nihlala kude kakhulu futhi ningalitholi ithuba lokukhuluma okuningi ngendlela eningathanda ngayo. Kodwa uma ulubamba ucingo, uyabuyela emuva, uqhubeke lapho ugcine khona.

Nokho, abangani abathandanayo abakwazi ukubekezelela ukuhlukana futhi bavame ukwenza yonke imizamo yokuhlala besondelene. Noma yikuphi ukuhlukana, noma ukucabanga ngakho, kungabangela amazinga aphezulu okucindezeleka, noma ukukhathazeka, kubangane abanjalo, kusho abacwaningi.

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6. Awukwesabi ukukhombisa indlela ozizwa ngayo

Nakuba bengase bangabi nobudlelwano bothando obuphelele, ikakhulukazi ezicini zocansi, lobu bungani busenezinto eziningi ezenzekayo. Ama-butterflies kanye nokushaya kwenhliziyo okuqaqekile, izibani zamakhandlela nezimbali, izinto ezimnandi namehlo agcwele izinkanyezi, ukubambana ngezandla, kanye nemizwa yothando evuthayo kanye nokububula okuthule — ungalindela ukuzizwa konke lokhu nokuningi nomngane othandana naye. Ngaphezu kwalokho: abangani abathandanayo abanamahloni okugqoka izinhliziyo zabo. Ngakho-ke uma usebunganeni bothando okusho ukuthi umngane wakho uyinto eza kuqala kuwe, ngokuqinisekile ngeke unqikaze ukubonisa umngane wakho ukuthi uyabathanda.

Ukubonakaliswa kothando olujulile ngisho nothando olungokomzimba njengokubambana ngezandla kuyinto evamile ebunganeni obunjalo bothando, ikakhulukazi phakathi kwabantu bobulili obufanayo. Bangase babambane ngezandla, baphululane, baqabulane, futhi bangana. Bangase babe nomona noma babe nomona. Okumangalisayo lapha izinga lothando abalubonisana, yingakho ubungane babo bothando buguquka bube “ukunamathelana okugcwele” ngisho nangaphandle kocansi, kusho abacwaningi.

7. Ukuxhumana kwakho kuvame ukwenza iphutha ngokuthi kungokothando

Uma kukhona okuthile kwezothando ebunganini, awusabi ukumemeza uthando lwakho phezu kophahla. Niluka izimpilo zenu nxazonke. Babizane bagonene. Ningene shí komunye nomunye ngokungenathemba. Ukuxhumeka kwakho kukhethekile. Ayishintshi ngebanga noma ifiphele ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Umcabango wokwehlukana ukufaka ku-funk yasebukhosini. Kuyamangaza-ke ukuthi abantu bacabanga ukuthi uthandana?

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8. Kuke kubonakale umona uma kukhona abanye abantu

Ungase ubone imizwa yokuzivikela kanye nesikhwele esishisayo lapho umngane wakho ehileleka nomunye umuntu ngokothando. Le mizwa ingase ibonise ukuthi kunesici sothando ebunganini. Uzizwa unesifiso esinamandla sokuvikela inhlalakahle yomngane wakho. Injabulo nokulondeka kwabo kuba izinto eziza kuqala kuwe, kudlulele ngale kokukhathalela okuvamile umuntu angase abe nakho ngomngane.

Ungase uzithole usungenela ukuze unikeze ukwesekwa noma isiqondiso ezimeni lapho ubona khona ukusongela okungaba khona noma inselele. Futhi nakuba ungase ungafuni ukukuvuma lokho, kungase kube nezikhathi lapho uzwa khona isikhwele lapho umngane wakho ebonisa isithakazelo komunye umuntu ngokothando, ngisho noma nobabili ninobuhlobo bothando obungahileli ubulili.

Lo mhawu obhekene nawo awukona ukufuna ubukhosi, kodwa kunalokho impendulo engokomzwelo ekhomba ukuxhumana okujulile. Ukumbona ehilelekile komunye umuntu kungabangela ukuqaphela imizwa yakho yothando kanye nokubaluleka kwesibopho senu. Buyini ubungane bothando ngaphandle kwedrama encane?

9. Uqala ukuba nezinhlelo ezifanayo zekusasa

Esinye sezibonakaliso zobungani bothando ezisobala ukuthi nizithola nenza izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo ndawonye, ​​kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuhamba, ukuhlala endaweni eyodwa, noma ukuphishekela imigomo yenu nobabili. Izingxoxo zidlulela ngale kwengxoxo evamile yabangane futhi zisikisela umbono ofanayo wesikhathi esizayo. Ukuhlela ukuhamba kwesikhathi esizayo ndawonye kuyisihloko esivamile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuyiholide lamaphupho noma ingxoxo ewusizo mayelana nokuhlola izindawo ezintsha, umqondo wokuzwa izigigaba zempilo ndawonye uyisihloko esiphindaphindayo.

Ningase nizithole nixoxa ngokuhlala endaweni eyodwa noma nidale indawo okwabelwana ngayo. Lezi zingxoxo zidlulela ngale kokucatshangelwa okujwayelekile kwabantu ohlala nabo noma abangani abahlala eduze futhi zingena exhunyweni elijule kakhulu elixhumene kakhulu futhi okunzima ukulithola ebudlelwaneni obungebona ucansi.

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10. Imibuthano yakho yokuxhumana nabantu iqala ukuhlangana

Ebunganeni bothando, kukhona ukuhlangana okubonakalayo kwemibuthano yomphakathi, okubonisa ukuxubana kwezimpilo ezidlula ubungane obujwayelekile. Wena nomngane wakho nihlanganisa ngamabomu emibuthano yokuzijabulisa kanye nemicimbi namaqembu abangani benu abafanele. Akukhona nje ukuhambela imicimbi ndawonye; kunomzamo oqondile wokwethula umngane wakho embuthanweni wakho futhi ngokuphambene nalokho.

Nobabili nihlanganyela ngaphandle komthungo emibuthanweni yokuxhumana yomunye nomunye. Abangani bakho bayakubona ukubaluleka kobudlelwano bakho, futhi umngane wakho uba ubuso obujwayelekile eqenjini lakho, nawe kwelabo. Lokhu kuhlanganisa kudlulela ngale kokwethulwa ngezikhathi ezithile; kusho ukuvuma isibopho sakho yilabo abaseduze kwakho.

Izinzuzo Zobungani Bothando

Ngakho-ke, yiziphi izinzuzo zothando lobungane vs uthando lwezothando? Kulokhu kuhlola, sizohlola izinzuzo zalokhu okunamathiselwe okungajwayelekile, sihlole ukuthi kungani kuye kwaphawuleka.

1. Ukuxhumana okujulile ngokomzwelo

Ubungane obunjalo bothando buvame ukuhilela izinga eliphakeme lokusondelana ngokomzwelo elidlulela ngale kwalokho okulindelekile ebunganeni obuvamile. Abantu babelana ngezici ezijulile zemicabango nemizwa yabo, okwakha ukuxhumana okujulile.

2. Uhlelo lokusekela oluthuthukisiwe

Umngane wothando angasebenza njengohlelo oluqinile lokusekela, olunikeza uzwela nokuqonda phakathi kokubili izikhathi ezinhle nezinselele. Lolu hlobo lokuxhumana ludlulela ngalé kobungane obuvamile, bunikeza uhlobo oluhlukile lokusekelwa ngokomzwelo.

3. Amandla angenawo ukucindezela

Ngokungafani nobudlelwano bothando bendabuko, lobu bungani buvame ukubandakanya ingcindezi encane emphakathini nangokwesikhathi. Ukugxila ekujabuleleni ubungane ngaphandle kokucindezeleka kokuhambisana nokulindelekile kobudlelwano obuvamile ngoba buwubudlelwano bothando obungebona ocansini.

4. Izinzuzo zobungane nezothando zifinyelele endaweni eyodwa

Ukuheha kokuxhumana kwezothando kuhlanganiswe nezinzuzo zobungane obuqinile. Okuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe, amahlaya angaphakathi, nokujabulelana kuhambisana nezici zothando ezicashile, njengokubamba izandla noma ukupeck esihlathini.

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5. Ukuqonda ngaphandle kokwahlulela

Kulezi zinhlobo zobungane obunothando, kukhona ukuqonda okungokwemvelo okudinga incazelo encane. Lokhu kuqondana kukhuthaza indawo evikelekile lapho abantu bengakwazi ukuveza imizwa yabo ngokweqiniso ngaphandle kokwesaba ukwahlulela.

6. Imingcele eguquguqukayo

Lobu bungane buvamise ukunikeza imingcele evumelana nezimo, evumela abantu ukuthi bazulazule kubukhulu obungokomzimba nobungokomzwelo bobudlelwano ngesivinini esivumelana nezinhlangothi zombili. Ukuvumelana nezimo kuyisici esibalulekile ekubumbeni nasekujabuleleni lokhu kuxhumana okuyingqayizivele.

Ukufingqa, ubungane bezothando buhlanganisa izici ezinhle zobungane nokuthintana kwezothando, okuholela ekuxhumaneni okuhlukile nokuguqukayo. Uma ucabanga ukuhlola lolu hlobo lobudlelwano, lezi zinzuzo zingase zikunikeze imininingwane yalokho ongakulindela.

Ingabe Ubungane Bothando Bukhona?

Abasekeli bothando lothando bangasenza sikholelwe ukuthi kukhona okungenakugwenywa ngothando nomshado uma kukhulunywa ngokukhangana kothando vs ubungane. Mayelana nokuthola umuntu oyedwa ongumngane wethu omkhulu, isithandwa, umholi weqembu, uhlelo lokusekela ngokomzwelo , umuntu esiphendukela kuye ekuguleni nasezikhathini zobunzima. Ngamafuphi, umuntu oyedwa 'oyikho konke' kwethu. Kodwa nansi inkinga.

“Uma ubeka phambili ubudlelwano bakho bothando kuphela, ubani ozobamba isandla sakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana? Ukuthembela kumlingani wakho ukuthi abe yikho konke kuzowuqeda umshado wakho. Akekho umuntu ongahlangabezana nazo zonke izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo. Uma ubeka phambili izingane zakho kuphela, kwenzekani uma sezikhulile futhi zihlala kude, zigxile ezimpilweni zazo? Noma uma ubeka phambili umsebenzi kuphela? Wow, lokho kuyadabukisa kakhulu ukuthi ungakucabanga,” kusho uSow noFriedman ku- Big Friendship.

Lolu hlobo lobungane lususa le ngcindezi, futhi ngokwenza kanjalo, luvumela abantu ukuthi bavule izinhliziyo zabo kulokho uthando olungaba yikho, kunokuba lube yilokho okufanele lube yikho. Luvumela abantu ukuba badlule ezinkingeni zothando lwanamuhla, ubudlelwano bokuthengiselana , ezombusazwe zobulili, kanye nemindeni ehlukene ukuze bachaze kabusha amamodeli omshado nomndeni futhi bacabange kabusha amanethiwekhi okunakekelwa angaphezu kwawo.

Ingabe lobu bungane buyinzile? Kuya ngokuthi. Abangane abaningi abathandanayo bachitha amashumi eminyaka ndawonye, ​​nesibopho sabo siphila ebunzimeni kanye nokuwohloka kwempilo yangempela. Abanye bagcina behamba ngezindlela zabo ezihlukene noma baze bavuselele uthando lwabo lobungane ngemva kokuhlukana. Futhi abanye basuka kubangane baye ezithandwa. Ukuhlala isikhathi eside noma cha, kubonisa ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi, uthando luqondwa kangcono njengokweqisa kobungane. U-Aristotle angavuma.

Empeleni, ubungane bezothando bufakazela ukuthi ubungane obuqinile bunganelisa njengothando lwezothando noma lomshado, bubuyisele esikhundleni. Baphakamisela isibuko kolunye uhlobo lothando oluhlala njalo—uhlobo olubeka ubungane kuqala, hhayi uthando lothando.

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