Ukusondelana Kuqhathaniswa Nocansi: Ukuthi Zihluke Kanjani & Kungani Kokubili Kubalulekile

Ingabe ubulili nokusondelana kuyinto efanayo, noma kukhona uthando ngaphezu kwalokho okwenzeka ekamelweni? Ukusondelana vs ucansi kuyiphuzu elivamile lokudideka. Ukusondelana kuwumuzwa ozwakalayo wokusondelana, ukuphepha, nokwaziwa ngempela umlingani wakho. Ucansi yisenzo somzimba esingaba esothando, esidlalayo noma esivusa inkanuko. Ungaba nomunye ngaphandle komunye, futhi imibhangqwana eminingi yenza kanjalo. 

Ubudlelwano obunempilo kakhulu buvame ukuhlangana kokubili: ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo okuzinzile okwenza uzizwe uvikelekile, nokuxhumana ngokocansi okugcina isifiso siphila. Lesi sihloko sihlola ukuthi ngayinye yalezi zidlala kanjani futhi inomthelela kanjani ebudlelwaneni.

Kuyini Ukusondelana Ebudlelwaneni?

Ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni yilowo muzwa ojulile wokusondelana nokuqondana phakathi kwabalingani. Umuzwa wokuzizwa waziwa ezingeni elinenjongo. Uvame ukuchazwa njengokuzizwa uphephile, uthembana, futhi uxhumene ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakho. Eqinisweni, isazi sezocansi u-Isadora Alman uthi, “Ukusondelana kuhilela ukuzenza waziwe, amathemba, izifiso, ukwesaba, ubuthakathaka, nakho konke, kanye nokwazi nokwamukela omunye umuntu ngaphakathi nangaphandle.”

Uveza ukuthi lolu hlobo lokusondelana ngokomzwelo kunzima kakhulu ukulufinyelela kunokumane uhlikihle izitho zomzimba. Umusho wakudala kaDkt. Uma uzizwa usondelene nomlingani wakho, ungaba nqunu ngokomzwelo naye ngisho nangaphandle kwekamelo lokulala.

Ukusondelana kuza ngezindlela ezahlukene. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo uzohlakulela izinhlobo eziningi zokusondelana, hhayi nje ukusondelana ngokocansi. Ukuze kuchazwe ngokucacile ukusondelana ngokomzwelo vs ngokomzimba vs ngokocansi, cabangela lezi zindlela ezilandelayo zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni:

• Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo: Umuzwa ojulile wokwethembana, ukulondeka, nokusondelana ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kubandakanya ukwabelana ngemizwa yakho, amaphupho, kanye nokwesaba, ukuba sengozini, nomuzwa wokuthi uqondwa futhi usekelwa umlingani wakho. Ngokwesibonelo, ningachitha amahora nixoxa ngobuqotho noma niphendukele komunye nomunye ukuze nithole induduzo. Lokho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo emsebenzini
• Ukusondelana ngokomzimba: Ukuthintana okunothando nokusondelana okungezona ezocansi okuthuthukisa ukusondelana nesifiso. Lokhu kungaba ukwanga, ukugona kusofa, ukubamba izandla, ukubhucungwa, noma ukuhlala eduze nje. Ukufudumala komzimba nokuthinta kukhipha amahomoni ahlanganisayo “okuzizwa kahle” njenge-oxytocin, ekhuthaza ukuxhumana
• Ukusondelana ngokocansi: Ukuthintana ngokocansi okuhlanganiswe nothando, ukwethembana, nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Empeleni, lokhu ubulili nokusondelana. Ukwenza uthando kunokuthi “ukwenze” nje. Ukusondelana ngokocansi kubandakanya ukuba sengozini nokuvuleleka komunye nomunye esimeni socansi, hhayi nje isenzo somzimba

Phawula ukuthi ukusondelana akukona nje okuphathelene nobulili. Eqinisweni, kungase kungabi ngokobulili ngokuphelele. Ungase uzizwe uxhumene kakhulu ngemva kwengxoxo ejulile yaphakathi kwamabili noma lapho umlingani wakho ekulalela ngempela futhi “ekubona”. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukusondelana: Kungani Kubalulekile Emshadweni Nasebudlelwaneni?

Luyini Ucansi?

Ubulili, uma sikhuluma nje, isenzo somzimba, indawo yokuzijabulisa komzimba, ngokuvamile ngenjongo yokufinyelela i-orgasm. Ucansi lukhipha inqwaba yamakhemikhali ezinzwa afana ne-dopamine, i-oxytocin, nama-endorphin angasenza sizizwe sijabule futhi asibophe ngebhayoloji. Abantu baya ocansini ngezizathu eziningi: ukuveza uthando, ukuzwa injabulo, ukukhiqiza kabusha, ukukhulula ukucindezeleka, noma ngezinye izikhathi ngenjongo yokuzijabulisa nokukhangwa.

UKurt uyachaza, “Uma sikhuluma nje, ubulili buyinto engokomzimba. Kungenzeka ukuba nobulili obungokwenyama kuphela ngaphandle kokusondelana okuncane ngokomzwelo. Njengoba kuvame ukuba njalo ngesitendi sobusuku obubodwa noma ukuhlangana okungajwayelekile. Ungakhangwa kakhulu umuntu futhi uhlanganyele ocansini ngaphandle kokumazi ngokujulile. 

Ezimweni ezingajwayelekile noma ekuqaleni kokuqomisana, ucansi lungase lwenzeke ngaphambi kokuba kwakheke noma yikuphi ukuxhumana okuqinile ngokomzwelo . Abanye abantu baze bakhethe ngokusobala ukugcina ucansi lungenabo ubuntu, begxila ebuchwephesheni nasenjabulweni kunasemizweni. Lokho kusho ukuthi ucansi lungathwala imizwa, ngisho noma singahlosile.

Imizimba yethu ivame ukukhulula i-oxytocin namanye amahomoni abophayo ngesikhathi sokusondelana ngokomzimba, futhi lokhu kungakha imizwa yokunamathela noma uthando. Ngisho noma uzimisele ukuyigcina "engokwenyama nje," i-chemistry yobuchopho bakho ingase ibe nezinye izinhlelo. Wena noma umlingani wakho ningaqala ukubamba imizwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Noma kunjalo, umehluko oyinhloko ukuthi leyo mizwa iwumphumela wesenzo somzimba, hhayi imfuneko. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izigaba Ezinhlanu Zokusondelana - Thola Ukuthi Ukuphi!

Ukusondelana Ngokumelene Nocansi: 10 Umehluko Obalulekile

Ucansi nokusondelana kuvame ukuhlangana ebudlelwaneni bothando, kodwa akufani. Ukusondelana vs ucansi akuyona impi. Ngokufanelekile, ziyaphelelisana. Nokho, ukuqonda umehluko kungakusiza ukuba uthuthukise izici zombili. Ngezansi, sihlukanisa umehluko obalulekile oyi-10 phakathi kokusondelana nocansi ebudlelwaneni, sigqamisa isici esiyingqayizivele sendlela ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nokwenyama kudlala ngayo:

1. Ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo ngokumelene nesenzo somzimba

Ukusondelana ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Ucansi luyisenzo somzimba. Lesi sici somehluko wokusondelana nobulili singachazwa kangcono ngokuthi: 

• Ukusondelana kuhlala enhliziyweni nasengqondweni. Ukuzizwa uboshiwe, uqondwa, unakekelwa.
• Ubulili ngokuyinhloko bungokomzimba. Izinzwa, ukuvuka, ukukhululwa.
• Isibonelo: ukusondelana kuzwakala “njengokwenza uthando”, ucansi kungaba “ukuba nocansi.”
• Ungaya ocansini ngaphandle kokusondelana, isibonelo, ukuhlangana nje, noma ukusondelana ngaphandle kocansi, isibonelo, ingxoxo ejulile ngo-2 am.
• Ucansi lulodwa alukwazi ukulungisa ukunqanyulwa kwemizwelo. Ukusondelana kudinga isikhathi, ukwethembana, nokuvuleleka

Omunye umyeni kuReddit uchaze ukuthi kuye, “Ucansi luwukuxhumana ngokomzwelo okungu-85% nomuntu omthandayo, kanti okunye okuhlangenwe nakho… Ngifuna nje ukusondelana ngangokunokwenzeka futhi ngihlanganyele isikhathi esishisayo ngokomzwelo”. Uyabona, kwabanye abantu, umehluko wokusondelana ngokomzwelo nomzimba mkhulu kakhulu. Isici esingokomzwelo yisona esenza ucansi lube nencazelo yalo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuntuleka Kothando Nokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni

2. Ukwazi umphefumulo vs ukuthinta umzimba

Ukusondelana kuzwakala "kufudumele" futhi kukhuliswa; ucansi luzwakala “lushisa” futhi luvuselela. Uma nisondelana ngokukhuluma amahora amaningi, nibukana emehlweni, noma nigonane, uthola lowo muzwa ofudumele oshisayo wokusondelana. Lapho wenza ucansi, ungase uzizwe ungenwa amanzi emadolweni, izinga lokushaya kwenhliziyo yakho linyuke, uzwe injabulo kanye nemizwa enamandla. Enye imayelana nokunethezeka, enye imayelana nokujabula. Nakhu okuphelela kukho: 

Ukusondelana kumayelana nokwazana ngokujulile. Ucansi lumayelana nokuthintana imizimba. Phakathi nengxoxo ejulile, isibonelo, ungase ufunde ukwesaba kwasebuntwaneni komlingani wakho noma izinkanuko zabo ezijulile ekuphileni. Uthola ukwazi ukuthi bangobani ngempela. Ngesikhathi socansi, ungafunda ukuthi yini ebavula ngokomzimba noma yiziphi izikhundla abazithandayo. Uthola ukwazi umzimba wabo. Zombili zibalulekile ebudlelwaneni, kodwa ngokungangabazeki ziyizinhlobo ezahlukene zolwazi. Ukusondelana kuvame ukuzala uthando, ukutuseka, kanye. Ucansi luvame ukuzala injabulo ngokomzimba kanye nesasasa.

• Zombili izinhlobo zokuxhuma zibalulekile, kodwa zinikeza izidingo ezahlukene
• Ukusondelana: Ukuphepha ngokomzwelo, ukwazi ukwesaba, izinkanuko, amaphupho omunye nomunye
• Ucansi: Ukwazi ukuthi yini evula umlingani wakho, izimpendulo zomzimba wakhe
• Ukufudumala kuqhathaniswa nokushisa: Ukusondelana kuzwakala kuyakha, ucansi luzwakala luvuselela

3. Yakhelwe phezu kokwethembana nokuba sengozini uma iqhathaniswa nokuqhutshwa isifiso nokukhangwa

Umehluko phakathi kocansi nokusondelana ebudlelwaneni ubonakala kulokhu okulandelayo: ukusondelana kukhula ngemizwa yokuphepha nokunakekelana, kanti ucansi luvame ukudla izinto ezintsha, ukuzenza, noma ukukhangana ngokomzimba okungafanele. Yingakho futhi ukusondelana kuvame ukujula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuyilapho ukwakheka kocansi kungashesha kodwa futhi kunciphe futhi kugeleze.

• Imibhangqwana emisha ivame ukuba nothando kuqala, ukusondelana kamuva
• Ukusondelana kukhula ngokwethembeka, ubungozi, nokunakekelana
• Ucansi lungavusa ngokushesha kusuka kumakhemikhali noma ukukhangwa
• Ukusondelana kuyajula kancane kuyilapho isifiso sivame ukuvutha ngokushesha kodwa sishintshashintsha
• Imibhangqwana ehlala isikhathi eside yakha ukwethembana okukhulu ngisho noma inkanuko ingapheli

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amandla Nokubaluleka Kocansi Ebudlelwaneni

4. Isibopho sesikhathi eside ngokumelene nokukhululwa kwesikhashana

Ukusondelana kudala isibopho esihlala isikhathi eside. Ucansi lunikeza ukukhululwa kwesikhashana. Uma uhlakulela ukusondelana nomlingani wakho, utshala imali emdlalweni omude wobudlelwano. Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kubeka phansi izingqimba zokuxhumana futhi kusiza ekwakheni isibopho esihlala isikhathi eside. Nizizwa “nithandana” futhi nisondelene ngisho noma ningekho ndawonye ngokomzimba, ngoba uxhumano luhlala ezinhliziyweni zenu. Ucansi, ngokuphambene nalokho, luvame ukuba ngolwesikhathi. Luyisipiliyoni esinamandla esakhayo bese sikhulula, ngokoqobo.

• Ukusondelana kutshala isikhathi eside sobudlelwano
• Ucansi: ngokuvamile mayelana nesikhathi. Kushubile kodwa okwesikhashana.
• Isibonelo, ucansi lwezimonyo lungadambisa ukungezwani isikhashana, kodwa ukusondelana kuphela okupholisa amanxeba ajulile

5. Izinhlobo eziningi zokusondelana ngokumelene nendlela eyodwa yokukhuluma

Ubuhlobo obubodwa obukhulu obuqhathaniswa nomehluko wobulili ukubonakaliswa kwakho. 

• Kukhona ezahlukene amafomu okusondelana ebuhlotsheni: ngokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo, ngokomoya, okuhlangenwe nakho, ngokomzimba
• Ucansi luwuhlobo olulodwa nje lokusondelana ngokomzimba, oludinga ubumfihlo kanye nemvume
• Ungakwazi ukuveza ukusondelana ngenkathi uhamba emgwaqeni 
• Ucansi luqondene nomongo futhi aluguquki.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Ama-5 Okugcina Inhlansi Iphila Ebudlelwaneni Besikhathi Eside

6. Induduzo yansuku zonke vs. inkanuko ethokozisayo

Ukusondelana ngomqondo wesikhathi eside kukunikeza umuzwa wokunethezeka kuyilapho ucansi luvame ukuvusa izinto.

• Ubudlelwano obuvuthiwe bulinganisela kokubili ukunethezeka nothando
• Ukusondelana umuzwa othokomele “wasekhaya” wokuthandwa ngezingubo zokulala futhi wamukelwe njengoba unjalo.
• Ucansi luvusa uhlangothi oludlalayo, olujabulisayo, olushubile 
• Ukulahlekelwa ukushisa okungapheli kocansi akufani nokulahlekelwa uthando. Kungase kusho ukuthi ukusondelana sekujule.

Kungani lokhu kubalulekile? Ngoba abanye abantu badidanisa ukulahlekelwa injabulo yocansi eqhubekayo nokulahlekelwa uthando, kanti empeleni kungenzeka ukuthi sebeshintshele ebuhlotsheni obujulile obungashisi kakhulu amahora angama-24 ngosuku, izinsuku eziyi-7 ngesonto. Ebuhlotsheni obusha , ucansi luvame ukuba lukhuni ngoba konke kuyinto entsha futhi inkanuko iphakeme. Eminyakeni eminingi kamuva, ucansi lungase lungabi njalo noma lubikezelwe, kodwa mhlawumbe ukusondelana kwakho ngokomzwelo kucebile kakhulu.

Omunye akuwona neze ungcono kunomunye. Ngokufanelekile, ubuhlobo obuvuthiwe buthola ibhalansi phakathi kokunethezeka nokuvutha. Ngoba uma umbhangqwana usondelana kuphela ngaphandle kokuthanda, ungase uzizwe “njengabangane nje” noma abantu abahlala nabo. Uma benothando ngaphandle kokunethezeka, bangase bazizwe bekhathazekile noma bengalondekile.

7. Ukukhuluma ubusuku bonke ngokumelene nokungadingi ukukhuluma nhlobo

Wake wahlala uvukile kwaze kwaba ngu-4 ekuseni ukhuluma nomuntu omthandayo, wabelana ngayo yonke imicabango esezingqondweni zakho? Lokho ukusondelana. Wakha isibopho ngamazwi, ngokulalela nokuqonda. Eqinisweni, ukukhulumisana okuvulekile kuyindlela yokusondelana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungalala nomuntu ngaphandle kokushintshana amagama ambalwa. "Indawo yakho noma eyami?"

• Ukusondelana kuhumusha amahora ezingxoxo ezivulekile, ukulalela, ukwabelana
• Ucansi lungenzeka ngaphandle kwesidingo sokuxhumana okujulile
• Uma ubunqunu bufika kalula kunokwethembeka, ukusondelana kungase kungabikho
• Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana kuqeda ukuqonda ngisho noma ucansi luvamile

Ngakho-ke uma ukuthola kulula ukuba nqunu nomlingani wakho kunokuba nibe nenhliziyo ejulile, lokho kungase kubonise igebe ebudlelwaneni obuseduze.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umyeni Wami Uyangithanda Kodwa Hhayi Ngocansi: Abesifazane Abayi-10 Babelana Ngezindaba Zabo

8. Ukuzizwa uvikelekile uma uqhathaniswa nokujabula

Uma usondelene nomuntu, uzizwa uvikelekile lapho ekhona. Uyazi ukuthi banendaba nawe, awuzikhathazi ngokuthi uzokwahlulelwa noma ulahlwe, ungakhululeka. Lokhu kuvikeleka kuvela ekwazisweni nasekuthembekeni ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngokuphambene, injabulo yobulili ezimweni eziningi ikhuliswa umuzwa othile wezinto ezintsha, imfihlakalo, noma injabulo. 

• Ukusondelana kuzwakala njengokuphepha, ukwamukelwa, ukujwayelana
• Ucansi luzwakala njengento entsha, intokozo, imfihlakalo
• Ngokuhamba kweminyaka, ukumangala kungase kuphele, kodwa ukwethembana nokukhulumisana kungenza ubulili bube mnandi kakhulu

Cabanga ngakho: izigaba zokuqala zobudlelwano , lapho konke sekusha futhi nithola imizimba yomunye nomunye okokuqala, zivame ukushaqeka kakhulu ngokocansi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, njengoba nazana ngaphakathi, into emangazayo iyancipha. Lokhu akusho ukuthi ubulili buba bubi. Eqinisweni, imibhangqwana eminingi ibika ukuthi ucansi luyathuthuka njengoba ukusondelana kuyanda ngoba nithembana futhi nixhumana kakhulu. Kodwa kungase kungabi yinto ebangela i-adrenaline kodwa kube yinto ejabulisayo.

Uma ukusondelana kumayelana nokwaziwa ngokuphelele, ucansi kwesinye isikhathi bungagqugquzelwa yilabo abangakaziwa. Ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obude, ukuzama into entsha embhedeni noma ukubona umlingani wakho ekukhanyeni okusha kungavusa isifiso. Ngaleso sikhathi, izikhathi ezisondelene kakhulu zivame ukuvela emikhubeni ejwayeleke kakhulu—ukuqabulana kobusuku obuhle obuyinkulungwane, ikhofi yasekuseni ndawonye, ​​indlela ikhanda lakho elingena ngayo ehlombe labo. 

9. Ukugcwaliseka kwezidingo ezingokomzwelo uma kuqhathaniswa nokugcwaliseka kwezidingo zomzimba

Abantu banesidingo esiyisisekelo somzwelo sokuxhumana. Silangazelela ukuthandwa, ukuqondwa, ukwaziswa. Ukusondelana kubhekana naleso sidingo. Lapho uzizwa usondelene ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakho, ngokuvamile uzizwa wanelisekile, ubonwa, futhi usekelwe. Ngokuhlukana, abantu banezidingo ezingokwemvelo zobulili noma izifiso. Isidingo sokuthintwa, ukukhululwa ngokocansi, ubumnandi, izifiso zokuzala, njll. Ucansi lubhekana nalezo zidingo. Uma unobudlelwano bocansi obunempilo, uzizwa wanelisekile ngokomzimba futhi waneliseka ngokocansi.

• Intimacy kondla izidingo ezingokomzwelo zothando, ukubaluleka, ukuqondwa
• Sex igcwalisa izidingo zomzimba zokuthinta, i-orgasm, ukukhululwa, ukukhiqiza kabusha

Lapho indlala eyodwa ingaphakelwa, imibhangqwana izwa igebe

Ngakho-ke, ukusondelana kondla umphefumulo wakho, kanti ucansi londla umzimba wakho. Uma kwenziwa ngothando, lungawondla nomphefumulo. Uma uzwa ukuthi enye yalezo zindlala ayigculisi ebudlelwaneni bakho, kufanelekile ukuyilungisa. Ingabe uzizwa ungaxhumene ngokomzwelo kodwa uxhumene ngokomzimba? Noma useduze ngokomzwelo kodwa uqhelelene ngokomzimba? Ukuqaphela lokho kwahlukana kungakuqondisa esixazululweni esifanele. Mhlawumbe udinga isikhathi esingcono kakhulu nezingxoxo ezisuka enhliziyweni, noma mhlawumbe udinga ukwengeza izinto futhi ubeke phambili impilo yakho yocansi. Umgomo omkhulu ukuzizwa wondlekile ngokugcwele, ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba, ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokubhekana Nokwenqatshwa Ngocansi Ngumlingani Wakho – Amathiphu Angu-9

10. Zingaba khona ngokuzimela, kodwa zingcono kakhulu ndawonye

Ukusondelana nocansi kungaba khona ngaphandle komunye nomunye. 

• Ukusondelana ngaphandle kobulili kubangela ubungane obujulile, imishado engenabulili enothando
• Ucansi ngaphandle kokusondelana luholela ebudlelwaneni, abangani abanezinzuzo amalungiselelo, noma imishado enqanyuliwe
• Kokubili kuyasebenza, kodwa ebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele, ukuthembela endaweni eyodwa kuphela kukushiya ukulangazelela
• Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kubhebhezela ubulili futhi ubulili obuhle buqinisa ukusondelana

Ochwepheshe bayavuma ukuthi imibhangqwana ejabule kakhulu ikhulisa kokubili. UKurt uthi, “Ubuhlobo obunempilo kufanele bube nobulili nokusondelana ukuze kugcinwe isibopho esiqinile nokwaneliseka.” Ucwaningo lusekela lokhu kubaluleka okukabili: ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kukhulisa injabulo yobudlelwano futhi kuvame ukuthuthukisa ukwaneliseka kwezocansi. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukujabulela ukuphila kobulili okwanelisayo kungaqinisa isibopho esingokomzwelo nenhlalakahle yombhangqwana. 

Ukusondelana Nocansi: Ungaba Nokunye Ngaphandle Komunye?

Ngemva kokuhlola wonke lo mehluko, umbuzo wemvelo uwukuthi: ingabe ubulili bungaba khona ngaphandle kokusondelana, futhi ingabe ukusondelana kungaba khona ngaphandle kobulili? Impendulo emfushane ithi yebo. Kwenzeka njalo. Ubudlelwano kanye nokuxhumana kwabantu ngokujwayelekile kuthatha izindlela eziningi. 

Ukusondelana ngaphandle kocansi kungenzeka ngokuphelele. Ubungane obuseduze bungaba nokusondelana okujulile kukaplatonic. Ungase ube nomngane “we-soulmate” noma umuntu omethembayo ngokomzwelo owabelana naye yonke into ngaphandle kobudlelwane bomzimba. Ezimweni zothando, imibhangqwana futhi ingagcina ukusondelana ngaphandle kokwenza ucansi. Mhlawumbe bahamba ibanga elide okwesikhashana, umlingani oyedwa uyagula noma ngemva kokubeletha, noma bakhetha ukuzithiba isikhathi esithile, kodwa bayaqhubeka nokusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba ngezindlela ezingezona ezocansi. 

Eminye imibhangqwana iyajabula emishadweni engenabo ucansi ngoba ibeka phambili uthando, ubungani, kanye nokwabelana ngempilo kunokuthanda inkanuko. Le mibhangqwana ithole izindlela zokwanelisa izidingo zomunye nomunye ngokomzwelo ngokujulile, ngisho nangaphandle kocansi. Ivame ukuhlanganisa ukusondelana ngokomzimba kube ukugonana, ukubhucungwa, ukubambana ngezandla, njll., iqinisekisa ukuthi ukusondelana okungokomzwelo akukhona nje ucansi. Lokho kusho ukuthi, bobabili abalingani ngokuvamile kufanele babe sesimweni esifanayo ngakho. Uma umuntu oyedwa efisa ucansi ngasese, khona-ke ukuntuleka kwalo kungaba umthombo wokungezwani naphezu kokusondelana ngokomzwelo.

Ngokufanayo, ubulili ngaphandle kokusondelana nakho kuvamile. Ungakubona ezimeni ezifana nokuhlangana nje, abangani abanezinzuzo, noma ukuphola kusenesikhathi ngaphambi kokuba uthando lukhule. Abantu ababili bangase babe namakhemikhali ocansi aqinile futhi bajabulele imizimba yomunye nomunye, kodwa bangatshali imali ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye. Kungase kube khona uthando noma ubungane obuyisisekelo, kodwa akukho ukwethembana okujulile noma ukuzibophezela. Ngisho nasemishadweni noma ebudlelwaneni obude, eminye imibhangqwana ngeshwa ikhukhuleka ingene ocansini oluguquguqukayo ngaphandle kokusondelana kweqiniso. Benza isenzo somzimba ngenxa yomkhuba noma isifiso, kodwa ngokomzwelo, bazizwa benqanyuliwe. 

Ngakho yebo, ubulili nokusondelana kuvame ukuba khona ngokuzimela ebuhlotsheni obuhlukahlukene nezimo. Akekho odala enye ngokuzenzakalelayo. Ungase ushintshe phakathi kwalokhu okuhlangenwe nakho empilweni. Kodwa nansi i-caveat ebalulekile: ukuhlanganisa kokubili kudala isibopho esiqinile. Lapho uletha ukusondelana nobulili ndawonye, ​​ngayinye ikhulisa izinzuzo zomunye. 

Indlela Yokulinganisa Ukusondelana Nezocansi Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo bufana nomdanso phakathi kokusondelana ngokomzwelo nokuxhumana ngokocansi. Zombili ziyizithako ezibalulekile, kodwa iresiphi eqondile ingahluka ngombhangqwana futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Isihluthulelo siwukugcina zombili izakhi zondlekile futhi ungavumeli eyodwa kusibekele enye ngokuphelele. Nawa amanye amathiphu kanye nemininingwane yokulinganisa ukusondelana kuqhathaniswa nocansi ngendlela enempilo:

1. Beka kuqala ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala

Zinikeni isikhathi sobabili esingagcini nje ngokuba nesineke. Qhubekani nezinsuku zokuhlangana, yibani nezingxoxo ezijulile, nihleke ndawonye, ​​futhi nibe nothando ngezindlela ezingezona ezocansi. Imikhuba elula njengokubuzana ngosuku lomunye, ukulalela ngenkuthalo, nokuzwakalisa ukwazisa kuhamba ibanga elide. Lokhu kwakha inqolobane yokuthakasela nokusondelana. 

Uma ubulokhu uzwa “ukulahlekelwa ukusondelana ngokomzwelo naphezu kokuya ocansini kaningi,” shintsha ngamabomu ukugxila okwesikhashana ukuze wakhe kabusha ubungane nokusekelwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Hlela uhambo lwangempelasonto ukuze uxhume kabusha ngokomzwelo, noma ubeke eceleni imizuzu engu-30 ubusuku ngabunye kungabikho amafoni ozomane ukhulume noma ugone. Uma ithangi lakho lemizwa ligcwele, livame ukuvuselela imizwa efudumele engahumusheka ibe yinhlansi yocansi evuselelwe.

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2. Yiba nenhloso ngokugcina inhlansi yocansi iphila 

Impilo iba matasa, futhi kulula ukuthi ucansi luphazamiseke ngisho nasemibhangqwaneni ethandanayo. Uma uzizwa sengathi “singabantu abahle kakhulu abahlala ndawonye kodwa inkanuko isiphelile,” kuphathe njengomsebenzi okufanele nisebenze ndawonye ngobumnene. Ukuze ulinganisele kokubili, kufanele unikeze ucansi ukunaka okufanele. Lokhu kungasho ukuhlela isikhathi sokusondelana uma ukuzenzela izinto ngokwakho kunzima ukukuthola, ukuzama into entsha ndawonye njengezingubo zangaphansi, ubusuku bokuqomisana, iphupho elisha lokufaka izinto ezintsha, noma ukwenza umzamo wokuqalisa kaningi.

Dlala ngothando nozakwenu phakathi nosuku, thumela umbhalo obabayo, noma setha ukuma kwenhliziyo ngokusetha kwezothando. Indlela yokwakha ukusondelana ngaphandle kocansi ibalulekile, kodwa kanjalo nokukhuthaza ukusondelana ocansini. Cabanga emuva ezintweni ezenza ucansi lube mnandi esikhathini esedlule bese uphinda uzethule lezo. Khumbula ukuthi ukuya ocansini okwanelisayo kuvame ukwandisa uthando futhi kunciphise ukucindezeleka, okwenza kube lula ukuba nesineke, umusa, nokutholakala ngokomzwelo. Kungumjikelezo omuhle uma kwenziwa kahle.

3. Khuluma ngokukhululekile ngasohlangothini ngalunye lwezibalo

Ukukhulumisana ngempela kuyibhuloho phakathi kokusondelana ngokomzwelo nokomzimba. Yiba nezingxoxo eziqotho mayelana nendlela ngamunye wenu azizwa ngayo kuyo yomibili le mikhakha. Ingabe ujabulile ngokusondelana kwakho ngokomzwelo? Ingabe wenelisekile ngempilo yakho yocansi? Ningathanda yini okwengeziwe? Nakuba izinkulumo ezinjalo zingaba nzima, ziyigolide. “Ukukhuluma ngobulili kusondelene kakhulu kunokuya ocansini,” njengoba kusho uDkt. John Gottman, ngoba kudinga ukuba sengozini nokwethenjwa. 

Ngokuxoxa ngalezi zihloko, wakha ukusondelana ngokwemvelo. Futhi uyaqinisekisa ukuthi noma yikuphi ukungafani noma izinkinga, njengozakwethu oyedwa ofuna izikhathi eziningi noma omunye ofisa ezothando ezengeziwe, kubhekwana nazo njengeqembu. Nguwe nomlingani wakho ngokumelene nenkinga, hhayi wena ngokumelene nomlingani wakho. Le ngxoxo evulekile ivimbela ukucasuka ukuthi ingaqali futhi igcina kokubili izimpilo zakho zemizwa nezocansi zivunyelanisiwe.

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4. Hlanganisa kokubili

Yenza ucansi lusondelane kakhulu futhi ukusondelana kube ukudlala. Enye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokulinganisa ukusondelana nocansi ukukuhlanganisa. Isibonelo, letha ukusondelana empilweni yakho yocansi ngokwehlisa ijubane futhi uxhume ngempela ngesikhathi socansi. Bhekana emehlweni, qabula ngokujulile, khuluma ngemizwa yakho, futhi ube khona kunokujaha. Izinto ezincane njengokugonana ngemva kocansi noma ukubonisa uthando phakathi nesenzo kungaqinisa isimo somzwelo. 

Ungaphathi ucansi njengesenzo sokwenziwa. Lusebenzise njengesandiso sesibopho sakho semizwa. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungaletha isici esithinta inhliziyo, esithinta inhliziyo ekusondeleni kwakho kwansuku zonke. Yeba ukwanga okunothando ekhishini, umanga ngokuzumayo ngemuva, futhi ubambe izandla lapho uhamba. Lokhu kuthintana okungekhona okocansi kanye nezimpawu kugcina inhlansi ikhanya. Uma uhlanganisa njalo uthando, ukuthinta, kanye nemizwa, ngeke kudingeke ukhethe phakathi kokuba abangane abakhulu nabathandi. Uba kokubili.

5. Qaphela amafulegi abomvu futhi ukhulume nawo kusenesikhathi

Uma ubona izimpawu ezifana nocansi oluvamile kodwa ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo, noma uthando oluningi kodwa impilo yocansi engashintshi, ungazinaki. Zingenzeka kunoma yimuphi umbhangqwana, ikakhulukazi ngaphansi kokucindezeleka, ngemva kwezinguquko ezinkulu empilweni njengomntwana omusha, ukulahlekelwa umsebenzi, njll., noma ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Mhlawumbe izingcindezi zangaphandle zibangela ukuthi oyedwa noma bobabili bahlole ngokwengqondo ngesikhathi sokusondelana, noma izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe zidala izindonga zemizwa. Isihluthulelo ukuqaphela nokusebenza ngokuzikhandla kukho kunokwamukela njengento evamile entsha.

6. Hloniphani izidingo zomunye nomunye nokuhamba ngesivinini

Ekulinganiseni ukusondelana nocansi, imibhangqwana ngezinye izikhathi iyalwa ngoba umuntu oyedwa uthambekela kakhulu kolunye uhlangothi. Mhlawumbe omunye umlingani udinga ukuzizwa esondelene ngokomzwelo ngaphambi kokuba angene esimweni socansi , okuyinto evamile kubantu abanezidingo eziphezulu zokusondelana ngokomzwelo. Omunye umlingani angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi ukuya ocansini kubenza bazizwe besondelene ngokomzwelo futhi benothando kakhulu ngemva kwalokho.

Lo mehluko ungabangela ukungezwani uma ungaqondwa. Zizwaneni ngombono womunye nomunye. Mhlawumbe udinga lobo busuku bedethi ethokomele kanye nenkulumo ejulile ukuze uzizwe uxhumeke ngokwanele ukuze ufune ucansi. Mchazele ngobumnene ukuze umlingani wakho azi ukuthi akukona ukwaliwa, yindlela osebenza ngayo. Futhi uma kunguwe ozizwa ekude lapho ucansi lufiphala, veza lokho nawe. Uma bobabili sebebonile ukuthi ukusondelana noma ucansi akufanele kugodlwe noma kuchithwe, ungathola ukuyekethisa okunobuhlakani. 

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7. Khumbula ukuzijabulisa nokuba abangane

Ukusondelana akukona konke okuphathelene nenhliziyo nezinhliziyo, futhi ucansi akuwona wonke umsebenzi obalulekile okufanele wenziwe. Kokubili kufanele futhi kube imithombo yenjabulo nokuxhumana. Dlala ekuhlakuleleni ukusondelana. Mhlawumbe zama umdlalo wemibuzo ukuze nifunde izinto ezintsha ngomunye nomunye, noma nibe nepikiniki yothando engenabuchwepheshe. Futhi dlala ocansini: hleka lapho isikhundla singahambi kahle, zama imidlalo yekamelo lokulala, gcina umuzwa wokuhlekisa. Uma ukusondelana nocansi kuhamba kubambene, akuhambi kakhulu phambili noma kusale ngemuva.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Ukusondelana kumayelana nokusondelana, ucansi lumayelana nenyunyana, futhi ubudlelwano obanelisa ngempela buzuza kukho kokubili. Uma ususa noma yini kulesi sihloko, makube ukuthi nakuba ubulili nokusondelana akufani, kuyahambisana. Enye igcwalisa inhliziyo yakho, enye ishisa umzimba wakho, futhi ndawonye bangenza impilo yakho yothando yanelise ngokujulile emazingeni amaningi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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