11 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina He Kino Te Tangata Ki A Koe I Roto I Te Hononga

Porohia te aroha

Kua pāngia tātou katoa e tētahi āhuatanga i tukinotia ai tātou e tētahi. Ahakoa i roto i te whānau, i tētahi hoa, i tētahi hoa mahi, i tētahi rangatira, i tētahi kaiako rānei, kua pāngia tātou katoa e tētahi tangata nāna i whakaaro mēnā i mahia e tātou tētahi mea i pēnei ai ō rātou whanonga. Engari, he aha te mea ka puta ina tukinotia koe e tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he whanaungatanga aroha tino nui?

I te mahi, ka pātai koe ki tō hoa mahi, "Ko au anake, he kino rānei te rangatira ki a koe?" Tērā pea ka riri tō rangatira ki te katoa i roto i te tari, ā, ka tere tonu tō whakamarie. "Āe! Nā, ehara i te mea ko au!", ka mea koe, me te muru i tō rae. Heoi, i roto i tō whanaungatanga aroha, he tino uaua ake te mōhio he aha te take e kino ai tō hoa ki a koe, me te aha me mahi e koe mōna.

Ngā Take e Kino ai tō Hoa i a Koe

Ripanga o Ihirangi

Ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe, ā, ka mahi ia i ngā mea hei whara i a koe, ka pātai koe, "He aha ai?" He mea maori te ngana ki te rapu i te pūtake o te mamae e pā ana ki a koe. I mua i te titiro ki te huarahi hei whakahaere i te tangata e kino ana te mahi ki a koe, he pai ake te tirotiro i te huarahi e ngana ana koe ki te whakatika i ā rātou whanonga.

I roto i ngā mahi a te tohunga hinengaro o Ahitereiria, a Fritz Heider, Te Hinengaro o te Whakawhanaungatanga, i tūhuratia, ā, i tapaina ko te Ariā Whakawhiwhinga, arā, ko te mea e whakaponohia ana e te tangata he take mō tētahi whanonga. E ai ki tēnei ariā, he mea tino maori te ngana ki te kī he take ā-waho, ā-roto rānei te whanonga a tō hoa.

Me kī, he maha ngā wā ka whanoke tō hoa ki a koe. Ka whakakorekore rātou i ō kare ā-roto, ka kore e aro ki ō whakaaro, ā, i ētahi wā ka uru atu ki ngā mahi kino. te whakakino waha, ka ngangau ki a koe, ka whakaiti rānei i a koe ki mua i ētahi atu tāngata. Ka taea e koe te whakaaro ko te pūtake o tā rātou whanonga kino ko tētahi o ēnei e rua:

Waho: Ko te tikanga o tēnei, ko te take o ā rātou whanonga he mea kei waho atu i a rātou. Tērā pea ko ō rātou āhuatanga. Hei tauira, i te panaia rātou i te mahi, ā, ka riri rātou ki a koe. He mahi rānei nāu i whakapataritari i a rātou kia tauhohe kino ai rātou.
Roto: Ko te tikanga o tēnei, nō roto i a rātou anō ō rātou whanonga. Hei tauira, e pāngia ana rātou e ngā āhuatanga whakapehapeha. He hunga kore whakawhetai, he hunga whakakake, he hunga tukino, koia te take e whanonga kino ai rātou.

He maha tonu tā tātou whakapae i ngā whanonga kino a ō tātou hoa ki ngā take o waho, me te whakapae i ō rātou āhuatanga, me te whakamahi rānei i a rātou hei whakamārama mō ā rātou mahi. Ka whakapae anō hoki tātou i a tātou anō hei take o waho mō rātou. Engari, ki te mea ehara te tukinotanga i te "wāhanga noa iho", me tīmata koe ki te rapu i ngā tohu e whai ake nei e kino ana tana mahi ki a koe, e kore rānei ia e pai ki te mahi ki a koe:

Kāore rātou e whakaute ana i a koe te tukino rānei i a koe i ngā wā katoa
Kāore rātou e whakaae ki ō āwangawanga me ō urupare
Kāore rātou e whakapāha
Ka whakapāha rātou engari kāore e ngana ki te huri
Ka akiaki rātou i a koe kia whakapono kāore rātou i mahi hē ki a koe

Mena he mea noa ēnei i roto i tō whanaungatanga, me mutu te whakapae i a koe anō, i ngā āhuatanga o waho rānei o tō hoa, ā, me anga atu ki te pono. He paitini tō whanaungatanga ki a rātou, ā, me whakaaro koe me pēhea te mahi ki tētahi e kino ana te mahi ki a koe.

Me mārama hoki koe ki te take e tukua ai rātou kia mawhiti i tēnei whanonga. He karere kei roto i te āhua o te tangata e mahi kino ana ki a koe, ā, ki te mea kua mahi kino tō hoa ki a koe, me aro atu koe ki ō mataku, me te whakakaha i te maia ki te tū atu mōu ake.

11 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina He Kino Te Tangata Ki A Koe I Roto I Te Hononga

Kāore koe i mahi i tetahi mea hei whakaoho i ngā whanonga kino tonu. Hei pakeke, he kawenga tā tātou katoa mō ā tātou whanonga, ā, kāore tō hoa rangatira i rerekē. Engari ināianei kua kite koe i a koe anō e kī ana i ngā mea pēnei i te, "I mahi ia/tāna i ahau me te mea kāore au i te pai", i te whakaaro rānei, "Ko te āhua o te mahi a tetahi ki a koe koia te āhua o ō rātou whakaaro mōu", i te rapu rānei i a Google, "Me aha koe ina mahi kino tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga", me titiro tātou me pēhea e taea ai e koe te whakatau i tēnei āhuatanga, i ia taahiraa:

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1. Kia aroha ki a koe anō

Tuatahi, kaua e ngakaukore i te kitenga kua uaua ki a koe te tū atu mōu ake, te aro atu ki ngā whanonga kino, te tono whakapāha me te huri i te āhua, ā, ki te kore he mea e rerekē, me haere atu. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te tū atu ki ngā kaiwhakatoi whanaungatanga.

Kia maumahara, kāore koe e tono kia tika te manaaki a tō hoa rangatira i te tuatahi. Tuarua, he mea noa te hiahia kia pai ake te manaaki a tō hoa. E tika ana kia noho te katoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora e tohuhia ana e te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, i runga ake i ngā mea katoa.

2. Kaua e tere te tauhohe ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga

Kua whakaritea tātou, te tangata, kia tauhohe ki ngā āhuatanga whakamataku. Ka oma, ka whawhai rānei tātou ina kitea tātou kei roto i te mōrearea. Mā ō kare ā-roto koe e tauhohe ina whanonga kino tō hoa ki a koe. Engari mā te mahi pera ka tūkino koe, ka akiaki rānei i a koe ki te mahi, ki te kōrero rānei i tētahi mea ka pouri pea koe i muri mai.

Nō reira, ki te kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe, kia mahara me hoki whakamuri koe kia taea ai e koe te aro mārie ki ngā mea i tupu. Mā te marino o ngā io ka taea te whai whakaaro nui i roto i tētahi āhuatanga kino. Mā tēnei hoki koe e mārama ake ai te take i puta ai te aituā, te kite i tētahi tauira mēnā he tauira, ā, mā te te mārama ki ngā āhuatanga o te tukino inehia mēnā kua tino hipa ngā mea i tua atu i te mana whakahaere.

ngā tohu e kino ana tana mahi ki a koe — Kaua e tere te tauhohe ina he te whanonga a tō hoa ki a koe

3. Kia mārama ki te tikanga o te tukino

Ina he kino te whanonga a tetahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, tera pea ka puta te whakaaro kei te hē tetahi mea. Engari he maha ngā wā kāore tātou i te tino mōhio ki tēnā. Kia taea ai e tātou te tautuhi he aha te hē, me tino mōhio tātou. Kia mahara, he mana te mātauranga.

He māmā ake te kite i te tukino ā-tinana me te tukino ā-waha, engari he maha atu anō ngā momo tukino ka tino kino rawa atu. Anei he whakamārama mō ngā momo tukino, me ngā tauira, hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki ngā mea me tūpato koe:

Te tukino i ngā kare ā-roto: Hei tauira, te tahu hau, te whakawehi ki te wehe atu, te whakawehi ki te whara i a koe anō, i ētahi atu rānei
Waiho: Hei tauira, te pupuri i te aroha, te kore e whakaae ki te tohatoha i te kawenga, te hoatu te maimoatanga puku
Wehenga hapori: Hei tauira, te aukati i te whanaungatanga o te hoa
Te tukino pūtea: Hei tauira, te pupuri i ngā rauemi pūtea, te whakapau moni nui me te kore whakaae, te iti o te moni e toe ana
Tukino Ahupuku: Hei tauira, te pokanoa, te whakahaere rānei i ngā tikanga ārai whānau, te whakamātau i te moepuku me te kore whakaae

4. Whakaarohia ngā rohe e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatakoto

Ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te mea nui rawa atu me mahi e koe ko te whakaritea nga rohe maramaKia taea ai tēnā, hoki whakamuri, ka whakaaro, he aha koe ka whakaaro ai kua tukinotia koe? Whakaarohia ō rohe. Tātarihia ngā mea e whakanui ana i a koe, e whai mana ana, ā, ko te mea nui, e haumaru ana koe.

Kia mōhio ai koe ki te tauhohe ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me mārama koe ki a koe anō, me te mōhio hoki ki a koe anō. Me mātau hoki koe ki te whakamahi i ngā kupu o ō kare ā-roto. Whakaritea ō kōrero i mua i te kōrero ki a rātou. Ki te kore koe e mōhio ki ō kare ā-roto me ō kare ā-roto e hiahia ana koe, me pēhea e koe te whakapuaki atu ki te tangata kē?

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5. Kōrerohia ō rohe ki tō hoa me te kaha

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki tāu e hiahia ana, me ngā mea i whara i a koe, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakapuaki i ēnei whakaaro. Me kōrero koe ki tō hoa he aha tā rātou i hē ai, me tāu e tumanako ana i a rātou. Ko te tikanga o te māia me kōrero mārama, me te whakaute, me te marino, me te maia.

Ko te mea pai, me tuku atu e tō hoa he whakapāha pono kei roto i tēnā ko te mārama ki tā rātou mahi me tōna pānga ki a koe, te pouri mō tā rātou whanonga, me te whakamanawa e kore rātou e mahi anō i tēnā.

6. Kaua e aro ki ngā whanonga kino

Ki te mea kua kōrero koe ki tō hoa he aha koe i whara ai i ā rātou kupu/mahi, me te take me huri ai rātou i ā rātou whanonga, kaua e tukua kia whanonga kino anō rātou ki a koe. Ki te tukua e koe, kei te kī atu koe kāore koe e whakaute i a koe anō. Ko tāu e kī ana, "Kei te pai ahau ki tēnei. Me haere tonu."

Kia maumahara, ko te āhua o te mahi a te tangata ki a koe, koia anō te āhua o ō rātou kare ā-roto mōu. Ka kaha ake te huringa o te tukino ina manawanui koe ki ngā whanonga kino. Akohia te kī pakari, "Kāo, kāore au e aro ki tēnei", ina mahi kino tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga.

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7. Mā te whakaaroaro hohonu koe e mōhio ai he aha koe i manawanui ai ki ngā whanonga kino

Ki te mea kāore koe i tino whakahē ki te aro ki ngā whanonga kino a tō hoa, ā, kāore anō hoki koe kia whakahē i a rātou, me tātari e koe te take e whakamanawanui ai koe ki ngā whanonga kino, ki ngā mahi tukino rānei. Me rapu e koe te pūtake o tō wehi. Ko te nuinga o ngā take e whakamanawanui ai te tangata, e kore nei e aro ki ngā whanonga kino a ō rātou hoa:

Ko koe he te tuakiri aroha patohia, ā, whakaarohia kua whara tō hoa, ā, me tautokohia ia
Kei te whakaaro koe i roto i tō hinengaro he tika tāu e whiwhi ana
E whakapono ana koe ka huri rātou
Kei te wehi koe ki te whakaaro i te ora me te kore ratou
Kāore koe i te motuhake (ngā kare ā-roto, ngā āhuatanga pūtea, ngā āhuatanga tinana, me ētahi atu)

Ko te nuinga o ēnei whakapono i ahu mai i te kore whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, i te whakaaro rānei he kaiwhakaora koe. Me aro atu koe ki ēnei whakapono kia taea ai e koe te whakamahi i tō ake puna maia, kia tū atu ai ki tētahi hoa tukino e mahi kino ana ki a koe.

8. Rapua he awhina ngaio

Hei kimi i te pūtake o ngā take e aukati ana i a koe ki te whakapuaki i ō mana kare ā-roto, me whai wawaotanga me te ārahi a waho pea koe. Mā te mahi tahi me tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro koe e āwhina ki te titiro whakamuri ki ngā whara o tō tamarikitanga ka puta ai ngā take pēnei i te wehi kei whakarērea, te momo piripono kore, ngā take whakawhirinakitanga rānei.

Rapua he āwhina mai i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro, māna koe e pupuri me te ārahi ki tētahi oranga whakaute me tētahi hoa aroha. Ka taea hoki e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te ako me pēhea te tauhohe ina tukinotia koe e tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ina tukinotia rānei koe. Ki te hiahia koe i taua āwhina, he tohunga, he raihana hoki ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro o te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe.

9. Hoatu te aroha ki a koe anō

Ki te kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kia waiho koe hei puna aroha māu ake, hoatu ki a koe anō te mea e hiahiatia ana e koe, ā, tirohia te rerekētanga. Me whakapai ake e koe tō whanaungatanga ki a koe anō kia nui ake ai tō māia. Kia aroha ki a koe anō. Engari kaua e whakawhāiti i te manaaki i a koe anō me te ngā tohutohu aroha ki a koe anō ki ngā rongoā mō te kiri hohonu.

Ae, mā te haere ki te wāhi mirimiri, te tapahi makawe hou rānei, te hoko hu hou rānei, ka taea e koe te whakaara ake i tō wairua. Tērā pea ka taea e koe te whakatau i ō hiahia. Engari he hohonu ake te aroha ki a koe anō i tērā, ā, me kaha ake pea tō mahi. Anei ētahi huarahi hei whakamahi i te aroha ki a koe anō me te pono:

Te whakatikatika i tō kai
te faaohiparaa i
Te tīmata i tētahi mahi whakangahau, i tētahi hākinakina rānei
Te hono anō ki tētahi hoa tawhito
Te kimi i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro
Te tuhitaka
pānui
Te muru i a koe anō me te ngāwari ake
Te aro turuki i te kōrero kino ki a koe anō
Te pupuri i ngā kupu whakaari i oatitia e koe ki a koe anō
Te whakaū i ō rohe

10. Kaua e whakaae ki te iti rawa o te whanaungatanga

Mātakitakihia te rerekētanga i waenganui i te rerenga kōrero, "Ka whiwhi koe i te mea e tika ana māu" me te "Ka whiwhi koe i te mea e whakaaro ana koe e tika ana māu." Kāore he tangata kē atu e whakatau ana i te mea e tika ana māu i roto i tō whanaungatanga, ko koe anake. Ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga, me hoki whakamuri pea koe, ka tātari i ngā paerewa kua whakatikatikaina e koe.

Me whakanui ake e koe ō tumanakohanga, kaua e whakaae ki te mea noa iho he iti rawa i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ki tō whakaaro he pai te tinihangatia i ētahi wā? Ki tō whakaaro he pai te patu i tō hoa i ētahi wā mēnā e aroha ana koe ki a ia i te nuinga o te wā? Ki tō whakaaro he pai te manukanuka me te kore e marino i roto i te aroha? Ki tō whakaaro he rite te raruraru i roto i te whanaungatanga ki te "ngākau nui"? Whakaarohia ō whakautu.

11. Kaua e wehi ki te haere ki waho

Ki te kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe, ki te whara hoki i a koe, me haere atu pea koe. Ki te hiahia koe ki te mahi i tēnā, kia mōhio koe ehara tēnei mahi tiaki i a koe anō i te mea koretake, ehara hoki i te mea whai take. He pai te mataku i tētahi āpōpō kāore i te mōhiotia, ahakoa te kino o te wā e mōhiotia ana. He tino mārama tō mataku. Kia atawhai ki a koe anō, ā, me mahi i tētahi taahiraa i ia wā.

Rapua he āwhina mai i ō whanaunga. Whakatikatikahia ō mahi, ka haere! Kia tino tupato ki tō rautaki mō te wehenga atu, inā koa mēnā kei te mahi tahi koe me tētahi hoa mahi nanakia.

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Te Mōhio ki te Wā Hei Wehe

tenei rangahau rangahau taitara Te Tūkino i roto i ngā Hononga Whaiaro, e kī ana, "Tērā pea he āhua hangai te wehewehe i te tukino ā-hinengaro mai i ngā momo tukino ā-tinana nā te mea ka pāngia hoki ngā patunga e ngā momo tukino ā-tinana e te whara ā-hinengaro me te hinengaro, ā, ka whakamahia e ēnei momo tukino e rua te mana whakahaere me te whakahaere i tētahi atu tangata".

Ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me pono koe ki a koe anō mō te kino o ngā mea. Me whakautu pono koe ki te pātai "Kei roto ahau i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino?" Kia rite koe ki te wehe atu i tō hoa mēnā he pāngia koe e te tukino. Ki te kore koe e tino mōhio mēnā he tukino te mea e pā ana ki a koe, mā ēnei pātai e whakamārama koe:

Ka patua koe e tō hoa?
Kei te karanga ingoa kino rātou ki a koe?
He maha tonu ā rātou kōrero ki a koe me te whakahawea, me te whakahē?
Kua warewarehia koe e rātou i ō rātou kare ā-roto, me te kore e aro atu ki ō rātou raruraru ki a koe?
Kua noho tō hoa rangatira tinihanga ki a koe?
He maha tonu ā rātou mahi tinihanga i te taha pūtea?
He whakahē tonu rātou ki a koe, he whakahē rānei i ngā wā katoa?
Kei te whakaititia koe e rātou?
E whakaititia ana koe e rātou i te aroaro o te iwi? I te aroaro o tō whānau, o ō tamariki, o ō hoa rānei?
Kei te akiaki rātou i a koe kia whakapono kāore rātou i mahi i te he?
Kei te tinihanga rātou i a koe kia ruarua ai koe i tō pūnaha urupare kare ā-roto?
E whakaititia ana rānei e rātou tō mamae, ā, e kore e mahi i tetahi mea mōna?

He tohu ēnei katoa kei te kino tana mahi ki a koe, kei te tukino rānei ia i a koe, ā, kaua rawa e whakaaetia te tūkino tinana. Ka taea hoki e te tukino ā-waha me te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto te tino mamae mō te tangata i pāngia. Kāore koe e tika kia pāngia e tēnei whakaititanga.

Mena kei roto koe i te mōrearea tonu, waea atu ki te 9-1-1.

Mō te āwhina huna, huna hoki, 24/7, tēnā waea atu ki te National Domestic Violence Hotline i te 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) i te 1-800-787-3224 rānei (TTY).

Tohutohu Matua

He maha tonu tā tātou whakapae i ngā whanonga kino a ō tātou hoa mahi nā ngā take o waho, me te whakapae i ō rātou āhuatanga, i a tātou anō rānei mō te whakaoho i aua whanonga.
Me ako te tangata ki te kite i te tukino. Te tukino tinana, te tukino kare ā-roto, te tukino pūtea, te tukino ā-waha, me te tukino ā-ira tangata, tae atu ki te noho mokemoke pāpori me te kore aronganui, ko ngā huarahi tēnei e taea ai e tō hoa te mahi kino ki a koe
Kaua e aro ki ngā whanonga kino, whakaarohia ō rohe, ā, kōrerotia atu ki tō hoa me te ngākau māia. Kia aroha, kia aroha hoki ki a koe anō.
Tērā pea he uaua ki a koe te ātete i ngā whanonga kino nā ngā raruraru whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, nā te mea he raruraru whakaora, he mamae hinengaro rānei kei raro.
Ki te mea he uaua ki a koe te tū atu mōu ake, te ātete i ngā whanonga kino, te wehe atu rānei i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, tukino rānei, rapua te āwhina a tētahi tohunga.

Ki te mea he maha ngā wā ka kōrero koe ki tētahi hoa pono, "I mahi ia/tāna i ahau me te mea kāore he aha i a au", kia maumahara koe he karere kei roto i te āhua o te mahi a te tāne ki a koe, ki te whanonga rānei a te wahine i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Mā te kore aro ki ā rātou whanonga kino ka whakakaha ake i tēnā. E mārama ana kāore rātou e whakaatu ana i te whakaute e tika ana māu. Me tono atu ki a rātou kia huri i ā rātou whanonga, ā, ki te kore, kia rite ki te haere atu. Me whakaaro nui koe ki tō haumaru tinana me tō hauora hinengaro/kare ā-roto.

FAQs

1. He aha ahau ka noho tahi ai me te tangata e kino ana ki ahau?

Ina kino te mahi a tetahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te wehe atu nā ngā raruraru whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, ina whakaaro pōhewa koe kāore koe e tika kia pai ake te whanonga, nā te mea rānei he matatini whakaora tōu, ina whakaaro koe kua whara te kare ā-roto o tō hoa, ā, ka taea e koe te whakatika i a rātou. Tērā pea ka noho tonu koe ki a rātou nā te mea e whakapono ana koe ka huri rātou. Tērā pea ka wehi koe i tētahi heke mai me te kore rātou.

2. Ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi e kino ana te mahi ki a koe?

Tērā pea ka pai ki a koe te whakaaro o te aroha ki a rātou. Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki te whakamanawanui ki ā rātou whanonga. Tērā pea ka aroha koe ki a rātou, ka ngana ki te whakaora i te wairua maru e mea ana i a rātou kia hē. Engari ka piki haere te uaua o te aroha ki tētahi e kino ana te mahi ki a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga tae noa ki te kore e taea e koe te whakamanawanui ki tō rātou noho ki roto i tō ao.

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Te hinganga o te aroha i muri i te tinihanga - he mea noa, me te aha te mahi?

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.