9 Ngā Take e Noho Marena ai ngā Tāne Tinihanga

Porohia te aroha

Neke atu i te 45 tau taku whaea e mahi ana i te ture whānau. Ina tūtaki ahau ki ētahi o āna take whakarere, ka pātai tonu ahau, "He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho mārena tonu ai?" Ae, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakatau i te whakamutu i te marena. Engari me whai take pakari anō hoki hei whakauaua i te whakarērea e ngā tāne te marena ahakoa kāore rātou i te tino harikoa.

He mea nui te mārama ki te take e tinihanga ai ngā tāne i te tuatahi kia mārama ai he aha te take e mau tonu ai ngā tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E whakaatu ana ngā tatauranga he nui ake te tūponotanga o ngā tāne ki te tinihanga i ngā wāhine. E ai ki te General Social Survey, "e rua tekau ōrau o ngā tāne ka tinihanga, ki te whakaritea ki te 13 ōrau o ngā wāhine." Engari he whakaaro hē noa iho te whakaaro ko ngā tāne ka tinihanga nā te mea kua hoha, kua kore rānei e taea te whakahaere i a rātou anō. Nā te mea, kāore te tangata e ara ake i tētahi rā ka mea, "He rā pai tēnei rā hei tinihanga i taku hoa rangatira." He maha ngā āhuatanga uaua e whai wāhi ana ki tēnei whanonga.

He maha ngā wā ka huna e ngā tāne ō rātou kare ā-roto. Ahakoa e hiahiatia ana, kāore rātou e mōhio me pēhea te tono mihi. Ka taea e tēnei te arahi ki te kare hōhonu o te kore e tutuki, koinei te take he wahine rangatira tā ngā tāne. E ai ki ngā tohunga ko te tinihanga te whiringa a te tangata kua hoha ki te ao whānui, ki tā rātou marena rānei, ā, he iti noa iho te hononga ki tā rātou hoa. Ina pouri ana te tangata i ia rā, ka rite te tinihanga ki te huringa o te tere. Ki ētahi, ko te tinihanga te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Engari ko te tūponotanga ka taea e koe te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ka whakawhirinaki ki ngā āhuatanga maha. I ētahi wā, ehara te tinihanga i te whao whakamutunga.

Hei mārama ake i te take e mau tonu ai te hunga tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, me te take hoki e mau tonu ai te marena o ngā tāne tinihanga, i tahuri mātou ki te kaiako mō te oranga ngākau me te aro nui. Pooja Priyamvada (he tohu mō te Āwhina Tuatahi mō te Hauora Hinengaro me te Hinengaro mai i te Kura Hauora Tūmatanui o Johns Hopkins Bloomberg me te Whare Wānanga o Sydney), he tohunga ki te tuku tohutohu mō ngā moepuku i waho o te marena, ngā wehenga, te wehenga, te pouri, me te mate.

9 Ngā Take e Noho Marena ai ngā Tāne Tinihanga

Ripanga o Ihirangi

E rua tekau tau a James – he hoa mahi nōku – e moe ana i tana wahine. He tamāhine tā rāua. E tekau tau ia e tinihanga ana i a ia. I tētahi rā, ka oho ake ia me te whakaaro hara ohorere, kāore e taea te pupuri. Ka kōrero ia ki tana wahine mō tana tinihanga me tana tinihanga i taua wahine anō mō ngā tau. I riri nui ia, ā, ka pātai atu ki a ia he aha ia i noho tonu ai i roto i te marena mēnā kua roa ia e tinihanga ana i a ia. I miharo ia, kāore a James i te mōhio ki te whakautu.

Mō ngā tāne tinihanga, he maha ngā whakaaro hē. Tērā pea ka kī ētahi he mataku noa iho te tāne, ā, kāore i a ia te māia ki te whakamutu i te marena. E whakapono ana ētahi he nui rawa te murunga hara a te wahine. Heoi, he onge te māmā o te āhua o te mea nei. He rerekē ia tāne, ia marena, nō reira, kāore he whakautu ngāwari ki te pātai "He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho marena tonu ai?"

Heoi, ko ngā take maha e noho tahi ai ngā tāne tinihanga i roto i te marena, he maha ngā wā ka puta mai i te whakakotahitanga o te hara, te wehi, me te piripono ki te hoa rangatira. Tirohia te rārangi o ngā take i raro nei e whakamārama ana i te take e noho tahi ai ngā tāne tinihanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: 20 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Tāne Tinihanga e Tohu Ana kei te Whai Wahine ia

1. He aha ngā tāne tinihanga ka noho tonu ai i roto i te marena? Te wehi o te mokemoke

He tokomaha ngā tāngata tinihanga he wairua pōrearea, e hiahia tonu ana kia whakaaetia mai i waho. Ka whakamātau te tinihanga i te hiahia kia hiahiatia, he mea ngaro pea i roto i ngā mahi o ia rā o te aroha pono. Engari ina tae ki te whakatau, ka taupokina rātou e te wehi o te whakarērea. E wehi ana rātou mēnā ka ngaro tā rātou wahine me te whānau, ka mahue ko rātou anake i te mutunga. He maha ngā wā ka nui te wehi o te mokemoke hei pupuri i ngā tāne tinihanga kia noho marena tonu.

Pooja e whakamārama ana, "Ko te whānau me te marena ngā āhuatanga roa rawa atu o te oranga o te tangata. Ā, e mōhio ana ngā tāne ka tangohia e te whakarere ngā mea e rua. Mā tā rātou marena ka māhorahora rātou i te mokemoke o te oranga o te tangata."

2. He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho marena tonu ai? Te whakama me te hara

Kāore e taea e te nuinga o ngā tāne te aro atu ki ngā raruraru kare ā-roto me ngā raruraru hinengaro e puta mai ana i te whakarere. He tokomaha o rātou e pai ake ana ki te noho i roto i te marena koretake kaua e aro ki ngā hua ka puta. E mōhio ana rātou ka pōrearea, ka kino hoki ngā mea, ā, kāore noa rātou e hiahia ki te aro atu ki te whakama me te hara e haere tahi ana me rātou.

E kōrero ana a Pooja i tētahi kēhi ōrite, "I tūtaki ahau ki tēnei tangata i tinihanga i tana wahine me ngā wāhine maha. Nō tētahi whānau ia kāore anō kia kite i tētahi whakarere. I whakawehi tōna whaea ka tapahia ia i tōna whānau katoa mēnā ka whakarērea e ia tana wahine. Nō reira, ahakoa te whaki i te tinihanga, kāore rawa ia i kaha ki te tono whakarere."

3. Whakahokinga moni

He mea ngāwari tēnei. Kāore tetahi e hiahia ana ki te hoatu i te haurua o ā rātou taonga ki tētahi atu, ā, ki tā rātou wahine o mua. Ko te utu i te tautoko tamariki me te tautoko tamariki i muri i te wehenga he tino pānga ki te taha pūtea o te tangata. Nō reira, he pai ake ki ētahi o ngā tāngata tinihanga te noho tonu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i te whakarere me te utu i te moni.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga – 13 Tohutohu

4. He nui rawa tō rātou piri ki te hoa rangatira

Ko te tikanga, ko ngā wāhine e whakaatu ana i te hiahia nui ki te te ngaro o te aroha i roto i te marenaHe maha ngā wā ka wareware tātou e hiahia ana hoki ngā tāne ki tēnei mea. Mēnā he hoa rangatira ā ngā tāne, ehara i te mea ko te whakakapi i ā rātou wāhine te take. He maha ngā wā ko te whakakapi i a rātou anō ki ō rātou āhua taitamariki.

He maha ngā tāne e tinihanga ana nā te mea kua hoha rātou ki tā rātou āhua kua noho nei. Ehara tēnei i te kī kāore rātou e aroha ana ki ā rātou wāhine. Ina puta te pātai mō te whakarere, ka kitea e ngā tāne tinihanga he tino piripono ki ā rātou wāhine, ā, kāore e taea e rātou te tuku i a rātou. He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho marena tonu ai? He māmā noa iho. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te tuku i tā rātou aroha pono.

ka noho tahi ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tinihanga — Te tawhiti i roto i ngā whanaungatanga

5. He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho marena tonu ai? Hei oranga mō ngā tamariki

Koinei te tino take e noho tahi ai ngā tāne tinihanga. Mō ngā marena me ngā whakarere, he mea nui ngā tamariki. Ko te whanaungatanga i waenga i te tokorua he whakatutuki i ngā hiahia me ngā wawata o tētahi ki tētahi. Kāore te tokorua e manukanuka ki tētahi atu mea engari ko tō rāua hononga ki a rāua anō. Engari ina puta mai ngā tamariki, ka tino rerekē te āhua. Nā te mea kei te tokorua tētahi e arohaina nuitia ana e rāua, nui atu i a rāua anō, ko tā rāua hoa rangatira, me te nuinga o ngā mea katoa.

Ahakoa ko ngā tamariki te mea nui rawa atu ki te whaea – he take nui tēnei e noho mārena tonu ai ngā wāhine tinihanga – he rite tonu te kawenga o ngā tāne. Nō reira, ahakoa te whakaaro o te tāne tinihanga ki tana wahine, ki te whakapono ia ki tāna kāore e taea e ngā tamariki te whakatau i te whakarere i taua wā, ka whiriwhiri pea ia kia noho marena tonu.

6. E whakaaro ana rātou ka taea e rātou te huri!

E mea ana a Pooja, "Āe, ehara i te mea onge te ngoikore o te tangata. Ka pāngia rātou e ēnei whanaungatanga i waho o te marena i te wā e pāngia ana e te raruraru o te kare ā-roto. Ā muri ake ka tīmata te hinengaro, ā, ka hiahia rātou ki te whakatika i ō rātou hē. Ko ētahi ka whakaae ki te whaki hara, ko ētahi ka whakakahore."

Ko te hunga e whai ake nei ka whakatenatena i a rātou anō he mea kotahi noa iho tēnei, ā, e kore e tupu anō. Kei te whakamahere rātou kia kaha ake te piripono ki tā rātou wahine a muri ake nei, kia noho hei tāne pai ake, ā, ko te tumanako, kia kaua e hoki anō ki taua ara. He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho marena tonu ai? Nā te mea ko tā rātou e tumanako ana kia noho hei tāne e hiahia ana rātou.

7. Ki tā rātou whakaaro ka taea e rātou te mawhiti atu

E whakapono ana ētahi tāne ka taea e rātou te huna i ā rātou mahi huna i te ao, i tā rātou wahine rānei, tae noa ki te mutunga. Kāore ēnei tāne e rongo i te whakama ina tinihanga rātou i ā rātou wahine. Kāore hoki ō rātou hinengaro e mamae nui ai rātou kia whakaaro ai rātou ki te whaki. He tino māmā noa iho mō tēnei momo tāne tinihanga: ko ngā mea kāore e mōhiotia ana e te wahine, kāore e taea te whara i a ia. Nō reira, he aha ai te whakarerekē i ngā mea i te mea kei te pai te haere? Kāore rātou e mōhio ana ka kitea te nuinga o ngā mahi akuanei, akuanei ranei.

8. Kāore he pānga kino ki a ia

He rangahau nō Te Whare Wānanga o Rutgers E kī ana te pukapuka, e 56% o ngā tāne tinihanga e harikoa ana i roto i ā rātou marena. E makona ana rātou ki te āhua o nāianei, ā, kāore he hiahia ki te huri. Ahakoa kei te takoto rātou i te moenga me ētahi atu wāhine, kāore rātou e kite i a rātou anō kei roto i te wai wera me ā rātou wāhine.

E mea ana a Pooja, "Ahakoa rā, he maha ngā tāne e marena ana i roto i te mana rangatira. Arā, e whakapono ana rātou ka manawanui ā rātou wahine ahakoa ka mau rātou i te tinihanga. Nā te mea kāore he hua o te puremu, e hiahia ana rātou ki te pupuri i te āhua o te marena i te wā e whai ana i ngā mahi maha."

Te pānui e pā ana: E rima ngā wāhine e whakaatu ana i te take i murua ai e rātou ā rātou tāne tinihanga

9. He aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho marena tonu ai? E pai ana rātou ki te oranga takirua

E mea ana a Pooja, "He rite tonu tēnei ki te kai i tā rātou keke, ā, ka kai anō hoki. Ko ētahi tāngata e pai ana ki te whakahihiri o te puremu me te whakaari i te tāne tino pai mō te wahine. Ka whiwhi rātou i te harikoa ki te noho i te oranga takirua. He maha ngā wā, ka noho tonu ngā kaipahua i roto i ngā whanaungatanga nā te mea ka hoatu ki a rātou he mana whakahaere kia whakawhirinaki ngā wāhine ki a rātou i roto, i waho hoki i ō rātou oranga kāinga."

Nā te mea kua kōrerohia e tātou he aha ngā tāne tinihanga e noho tonu ai i roto i te marena, ko te pātai tonu, me aha ngā wāhine? I ētahi wā ko te whakarere anake te huarahi e toe ana. I ētahi wā ka taea te whakaora i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa ka taea e te kore whakapono te whakaoho i te whakarere, ka kaha ake te marena ina whakatau te tokorua ki te whakatika i te whanaungatanga. He maha ngā tokorua e mahi tonu ana i tā rātou marena i muri i te whaki a te hoa tinihanga.

Ka taea e te whakaora i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te āwhina i te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te whanaungatanga piripono, me te waihanga i tētahi tirohanga whānui mō te heke mai. Haunga te kore e taea te whakatika i te taupatupatu, te tukino tinana, te tukino kare ā-roto rānei, e kī ana ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro he nui te tūponotanga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te wikitoria i te mamae o te kore whakapono. Mā te tohutohu ngaio me te hiahia tahi ki te whakaora i te marena, ka taea e koe te karo i te mamae mamae o te whakarere. Tērā pea ka whai hua te tohutohu puremu, tērā pea kāore, engari he iti noa te hunga e pouri ana ki te haere ki te whakaora. Hono atu ki tā mātou rōpū o tohunga ā, kimihia māu ake.

FAQs

1. He aha ngā wāhine e noho tahi ai me ā rātou tāne tinihanga?

Ki te nuinga o ngā wāhine, ko te wā whakapae o te puremu te wāhanga kino rawa atu. Mā te mōhio he tika ō rātou kare ā-roto ka taurite rātou, ā, i ētahi wā ka taea e rātou te whakaae ki te āhuatanga. Waihoki, he maha ngā wāhine e whakahē ana i a rātou anō, ā, he maha ngā wā ka whakapae i a rātou anō mō te tinihanga a tā rātou tāne. Haunga ngā take kua whakahuatia ake nei, he nui ake te mana kare ā-roto me te mana pūtea o te nuinga o ngā tāne i roto i ngā marena tuku iho, ā, i ētahi wā ka akiaki i ngā wāhine ki te noho ki ngā tāne tinihanga.

2. Ka taea e te tāne te aroha ki tana wahine, engari ka tinihanga tonu?

"He aha ngā whakaaro o te tāne tinihanga ki tana wahine?" he pātai e whaiwhai ana i te nuinga o ngā wāhine i muri i te rongonga i te puremu a tā rātou hoa rangatira. Ae, ko te tauhohenga tuatahi he ohorere, he tinihanga, he riri. Engari i te mutunga o tētahi wā, ka whakaaro te nuinga o ngā wāhine mēnā i aroha ā rātou tāne ki a rātou. Ki te pono, ka taea tēnei te haere i ngā huarahi e rua. Tērā pea kei te aroha te tāne ki tana wahine, ā, ka mutu ka tinihanga tonu i te werawera o te wā. Tērā pea kua tinihanga noa ia. kua ngaro te aroha me ia i mua i te mahi i te mahi. Kei te āhua o te marena me te wāhi hinengaro o te tāne te mea katoa.

3. E pouri ana rānei ngā tāngata tinihanga mō tā rātou tinihanga?

I te nuinga o nga keehi, ae, e pouri ana te hunga tinihanga ki te tinihanga. He tika ake rānei, e pouri ana rātou mō te whara i tō rātou hoa rangatira me te whānau. Engari tera ētahi wā, he tangata puremu te tāne kua uru ki ngā mahi maha i waho o te marena. Mō ēnei tāngata, he āhua noa iho te tinihanga. Kāore e taea e rātou te pouri, kua taunga rānei ki tēnei mea, ā, kāore rātou e aro atu. Ko te mahi nui ko te kimi i te momo tangata e mahi tahi ana koe me rātou i roto i ngā take tinihanga.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.