21 Ngā Tohu Mārama o te Āhuarekareka Kore-Kōrero i waenganui i te Tokorua

He rite te aroha kāore i te kōrerotia ki tētahi rangi mārie e takaro ana i waenganui i te tokorua—ka rangona engari kāore i whakapuakina. He rerekē ki te aroha taha kotahi, he kare ā-roto aroha e rua kāore i whakapuakina mārama e tētahi o ngā taha. He maha ngā wā ka kitea te hononga, ka tukuna mā roto i ngā tohu ngawari, engari kāore e taea te whakakore. Kei roto i tēnei momo aroha te kaha ki te hanga hononga whai tikanga engari ka waiho ngā tāngata tokorua i roto i te āhua koretake, kāore i te tino mōhio mēnā he rite ngā kare ā-roto. Mā te tūhura i ēnei tohu puku ka mārama ai mēnā kua tae ki te wā ki te huri i te mea kāore i te kōrerotia hei mea nui.

He rite tonu te āhua o te matū kore kōrero ki te kukume aukume. Ehara i te mea ko te kukume tinana anake engari he kukume hohonu, kore kōrero e pupuri ana i a koe ki te whakaaro ki a rātou ahakoa kāore rātou i te taha. Ahakoa i roto i te rūma kī tonu i te tangata, i te wā marino rānei i waenganui i a kōrua, he rite te hiko ki ēnei wā. Ka taea e tēnei kare ā-roto aroha te whakahihiri—me te kore e whakawhitiwhiti kupu—te whakahihiri, engari koia anō te pūtake o te raruraru o roto. Hei mārama ake, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro nō California, ki tētahi Kaiwhakaora Whanoke Hinengaro, a Tākuta Shefali Batra (MD i roto i te hinengaro), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō te wehenga me te whakarere, te wehenga me te whakaipoipo, me ngā take hototahi i mua i te marena. Anei ngā 

He aha te Āhuatanga Kore-Kōrero?

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ko te hiahia huna (he rerekē i te aroha taha kotahi ) he kare ā-roto o te aroha i waenganui i te tokorua engari kāore anō kia whakapuakina mā te kupu. He maha ngā wā ka tukuna mā roto i ngā tohu ngawari e kitea ana, engari kāore i te tino mārama." He rerekē ki te hiahia poto, he pūtake mai i ngā whanonga me ngā taunekeneke ngawari, e auau ana, pērā i:

• He tirohanga roa
• He kata mataku
• He kukume aukume kia tata tetahi ki tetahi

He maha ngā wā ka waiho tēnei momo hononga hei take e ruarua ai ngā taha e rua mō tōna hiranga, nā te mea ko te āhua ngaro o te hononga e pupuri ana i te whanaungatanga kia kore e mārama. Ahakoa te koretake, ka taea e ēnei wā hononga te tohu i te tīmatanga o tētahi whanaungatanga whai tikanga mēnā ka arohia whānuitia. He maha ngā wā ka puta te hiahia ngaro mā roto i ngā tohu hiahia kore e tūpato. Ka taea ēnei te ahu mai i ngā tohu ā-tinana pērā i te whānui o ngā kamo ki ngā tohu kare ā-roto pērā i te ngoikore me te hiahia kia tata. I roto i te nuinga o ngā wā, ka tīmata te aroha ngaro hei wā poto engari ka tipu hei mea hohonu ake.

Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai he pono te hiahia i waenganui i te tokorua?

Ko te pono o te kukume kore kōrero e whakawhirinaki ana ki te whanaketanga hei whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te mahi mārama. E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "He mea whakahihiri te koretake o te kukume kore kōrero engari kāore he hua mena ka roa. Engari i te noho noa i te koretake, he aha e kore ai e tīmata he kōrero mōna? Tērā pea ka whakamārama i ngā whakaaro hē, ka arahi ki tētahi whanaungatanga pono, ka whakaora rānei i a koe i te whakakorenga pea. Ahakoa pēhea, ko te mārama te mea nui."

Ki te kore koe e tino mōhio ki te hononga hei tūtaki atu ki tētahi atu tangata, anei ētahi tohu o te hiahia tahi hei tirotiro māu:

• Kia mau ki te ōritetanga: Ko ngā mahi auau i roto i te wā, pērā i te titiro pinepine, te tauira whakaata rānei, e tohu ana ehara i te mea he tūponotanga waimarie noa iho ngā mea e kitea ana e koe.
• Kia mataara ki ngā ngoikoretanga: Ko te hunga e aro nui ana ka tuku iho i ō rātou tiaki, ka whakapuaki rānei i ngā āhuatanga hohonu ake o rātou anō
• Aromatawai i te haruru o ngā kare ā-roto: He whakaaro pumau, he hononga rānei kei waenganui i a kōrua taunekeneke?
• Whakaarohia ngā tauhohenga o waho: Ka taea e ngā hoa, e ngā hoa mahi rānei te whakarongo mai ngā tohu o te kukume tahi, i ētahi wā i mua i tō mahi

Ka tupu te hiahia tahi kāore i te kōrerotia i runga i ngā kare ā-roto pono me te kaha tahi. Mā te mōhio wawe ki ngā tohu ka ārai i ngā māramatanga hē, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau me pēhea te anga whakamua.

21 Ngā Tohu Mārama o te Āhuarekareka Kore-Kōrerotia

Mā te wā o te kata tahi, te titiro roa, te kukume rānei ki tētahi tangata kāore e taea te whakamārama ka ara ake he raupapa pātai: He mea anō kei konei? Ka kōrero a Tākuta Batra, "Ina ngaro ngā kupu, he nui ngā kōrero a ngā mahi. He maha ngā wā ko te kukume kāore i te kōrerotia he ranunga o ngā whanonga ngawari, engari he rite tonu, ka taea te whakahihiri, te whakapoauau hoki." Kei raro nei, ka wehewehea e mātou ngā tohu e 21 e kitea ana kei te aroha tetahi ki a koe engari e huna ana.

1. Ngā tirohanga tere

Ka tahaetia e rātou te titiro ina whakaaro rātou kāore koe e titiro ana, ā, ka tahuri ke atu ina mau. E whakaatu ana ēnei wā poto i te hiahia ngaro kia kite i a koe. I roto i te wā, ka huri ēnei titiro tere hei titiro roa, ka hanga he kōrero puku e ahua whaiaro ana.

2. Pā mārie

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Mā te pa atu o te ringa, te pā māmā ki te pakihiwi, te tū tata rawa rānei, ka taea te tohu i ngā kare ā-roto hohonu ake." Mā te pā atu o te tinana — ahakoa tōna āhua tino huna — ka puta he wairua piripono me te whanaungatanga tata.

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Huarahi e Whakamātautau ai te Tāne Ika i a Koe, me pēhea te Whakautu

3. Te whakaata i ō mahi

Ka tāwhai rātou i ō nekehanga, i tō reo, i tō tū rānei, e whakaatu ana i te hononga hinengaro. Hei tauira, ki te whakawhirinaki koe ki tō ringa, ka pērā anō pea i muri tata mai. Ko tēnei whakaritenga o ngā mahi he tohu tonu o te hiahia huna i te mahi, ina koa mēnā kāore te tangata kē atu i te mōhio pai ki a koe kia uru atu ai ki ngā kōrero whakakatakata.

4. Te kimi take hei kōrero ki a koe 

I a ia e whakarārangi ana i ngā tohu e huna ana kōrua i ō kōrua kare ā-roto, e kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ka whakapau kaha rāua ki te tīmata kōrero, ahakoa he kaupapa noa iho. Ā, ka haere tonu te kōrero , ahakoa te kaupapa." Ahakoa he tono whakaaro mō tētahi mea noa, he kōrero pakiwaitara rānei, e whakaatu ana ēnei taunekeneke i te hiahia kia mau tonu te hononga.

5. Ngā mihi maha 

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ina pai tetahi ki a koe, ka mihi tonu rātou ki a koe i runga i te āhua pono me te arotahi. Tērā pea mō tō āhua, ō pūkenga, ō whakatutukitanga rānei." Hei tauira:

• I muri i te whakaaturanga, ka kī mai rātou he pai tāu mahi
• Ki te whakamātau koe i tō momo kāhua, ki te whakamātau rānei i tētahi tae hou, ko rātou te tuatahi ka kite, ka mihi hoki ki a koe.

Ko te aro nui ki ngā taipitopito e whakaatu ana i te miharo me te kukume.

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te mihi ki tētahi tāne: Ngā tohutohu me ngā tauira

6. Te maumahara ki ngā kōrero iti 

Ko tētahi atu tohu o te hiahia tahi ko te maumahara ki ngā mea motuhake mō ō hiahia, ngā kōrero, ngā whanonga rānei e kore e kitea e ētahi atu. Mā te whakahua i tētahi mea i kōrerotia e koe i ngā wiki kua pahure, pērā i tāu kawhe tino pai i tonoa, i tētahi mea rānei e whakarihariha ana koe, e whakaatu ana kei te aro nui rātou ki tāu e whakapuaki ana, ā, kei te maioha hoki ki tāu e whakapuaki ana.

7. Te hiahia ohorere ki ō mahi whakangahau 

Ka aro nui rātou ki ōu hiahia, ā, ka tangohia e rātou hei hiahia nō rātou anō. Ko te tikanga pea tēnei:

• Te whakamātau i tāu hākinakina tino pai
• Te mātakitaki i tētahi whakaaturanga i tūtohutia e koe
• Ahakoa noa iho rānei te uiui i nga uiraa ki te ako atu mō ngā mea e arohaina ana e koe

8. Te piko ki roto 

Anei tētahi o ngā tohu matū kaha o te taatai. I roto i ngā kōrerorero, ka piko tata atu rātou, ka whakaiti i te āputa tinana i waenganui i a kōrua. He maha ngā wā ka rite tēnei mahi ki te mea he tohu whakawhirinaki, he whakamarie, he kukume hoki. Ki te kore koe e tino mōhio mēnā he kukume kōrero noa iho, he tūponotanga noa iho rānei, anei tētahi tohutohu. Tirohia ngā whakaahua i tangohia i a kōrua e noho tahi ana me tētahi rōpū. Mēnā i roto i te nuinga, i te katoa rānei o ngā whakaahua, ka kitea e rātou he ara ki te noho ki tō taha, ā, te āhua nei kei te piko atu rātou ki te whakatata atu, koinei pea tētahi o ngā tohu o te kukume kōrero kore i waenganui i ngā hoa.

9. Te whero o te mata i tō taha 

E mea ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ko te whero ohorere o te tae o ō rātou mata ina tata koe—ina whakahuatia rānei tō ingoa e tetahi—ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te kukume ." E whakaatu ana tēnei ahakoa tō ingoa he nui hei hoatu pūrerehua ki a rātou, ahakoa te kaha o tā rātou ngana ki te huna.

10. Te kata ki ō katakata 

Ahakoa kāore ō katakata e tika ana, ka kata pono tonu. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu noa e aroha ana tetahi ki a koe engari e huna ana. He tohu tēnei mō te hiahia ki te hono atu me te kimi i te harikoa i tō aroaro. I kōrero tēnei kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "Ki te titiro te tokorua ki a rāua anō i a rāua e kata ana i roto i tētahi rōpū. Whakapono mai, he tino pono kei te pai rāua tetahi ki tetahi."

11. Te kimi take hei tata atu ki a koe 

Ko tētahi atu tohu o te hiahia huna i waenga i ngā hoa mahi ko te kimi huarahi hei noho tahi me koe. Tērā pea ka pēnei te āhua:

• Te haere mai ki tō tēpu ki te tono āwhina mō tētahi mea, ahakoa kāore e hiahiatia ana
• Te ara ake ki te tiki wai/kawhe/kai i te wā kotahi
• Te tina tahi

Pānui e pā ana: 25 Ngā Kōrero Moe mō te Hoa Wahine

12. Te whakatoi takaro 

Ka āta whakatoi, ka kata rānei rātou ki a koe i roto i te āhua e aroha ana. He maha ngā wā ka tohu ngā taunekeneke takaro i te whakamarie me te hononga kare ā-roto hohonu . Ahakoa ka kitea tēnei whanonga i waenga i ngā hoa mahi, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te hiahia huna i waenga i ngā hoa nā te mea me noho whakamarie koe tetahi ki tetahi i te whakatoi. Waihoki, he tohu rānei te whawhai takaro i te hiahia i waenga i ngā hoa? Ae rawa!

13. Te whakanui i ō āhuatanga rerekē 

Ki a rātou, he ātaahua, he motuhake hoki ō āhuatanga ahurei—ngā āhuatanga e whakaarohia ana e koe he rerekē. Mā te whakaatu i ēnei āhuatanga rerekē, koinei pea te huarahi e whakaatu ai rātou i ō rātou kare ā-roto , i te aroha me te whakamoemiti. Nō reira, tirohia mēnā ka tautoko rātou i ō makawe pōrearea, i te tere rānei o tō whakaoti i te poraka rūbik. Ka mārama koe ki te kaupapa matua.

14. Te titiro roa ki ngā kanohi

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ina pai tetahi ki a koe, ka roa ake te titiro mai o rātou ki a koe i tō rātou titiro ki ētahi atu. He tino whaiaro, he tino piripono hoki te āhua o tēnei aro kanohi huna." He tino ataahua te kī a tēnei kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "Ehara i te mea he titiro kanohi noa iho. He titiro motuhake ki ngā kanohi o te tangata. Ina pai rātou ki a koe, ka titiro rātou ki roto i ō kanohi, kaua ki a rātou. Kāore au i te tino mōhio me pēhea te whakamārama atu, engari koinei te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e au te whakaahua. Me te mea nei e hiahia ana rātou ki te toro atu ki te hohonutanga o tō wairua…me te mea e hiahia ana rātou ki te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa mōu, kia pai ake ai te mōhio ki a koe ."

15. Kei te ātaahua tonu tō āhua i tō taha 

Ka whakapau kaha rātou ki te āhua o ō rātou tinana i ngā wā katoa e mōhio ana rātou ka kite rātou i a koe. Ko tēnei whakaritenga puku e whakaatu ana i tō rātou hiahia ki te miharo me te kukume i a koe. Nō reira, tīmata ki te titiro ki ēnei tohu:

• Kua pai ake rānei ō rātou kākahu i ngā rā tata nei?
• Kua kitea rātou e koe e whakatika ana i ō rātou makawe/mekap i tō taha?
• Kua tīmata rātou ki te mau i ngā kakara e kitea nuitia ana i tō taha?

Ka tino kitea ēnei tohu ina he hononga huna kei waenganui i ngā hoa mahi, nā te mea kāore te iwi e hiahia ki te whakakakahu ātaahua i te mahi ki te kore rātou e ngana ana ki te miharo i tētahi hoa mahi.

16. Te hae ki ētahi atu 

Ka whakaatu rātou i ngā tohu ngawari o te kore whakamarie ina aro atu tētahi atu ki a koe. Tērā pea nā te huringa o te wairua, nā te nekehanga rānei o ā rātou whanonga. Me kī kei te kōrero koe mō tētahi hoa, mō tētahi hoa o mua rānei, me te whakamoemiti. Ki te pai te tangata ki a koe, ka:

• Whakaatuhia te kore whakamarie i roto i tā rātou reo tinana
• Hangaia he take hei wehe atu
• Ngāna ki te huri i te kaupapa
• Pātaihia ngā pātai whai muri kia mōhio ai koe mēnā kei te aroha koe ki tēnei "hoa"

Pānui e pā ana: Te whakamahere i tētahi hui whakapūmau? Ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe kia mōhio

17. Te whakataurite i tō pūngao 

Ka whakarerekē rātou i ā rātou whanonga kia whakaata i tō wairua me ō taumata pūngao. Ka hangaia e tēnei tukutahitanga te rangimarie, ā, ka tohu i tētahi hononga kaha, hononga tahi. Ka kitea tēnei i roto i ngā mea iti rawa pēnei i:

• Te wiri i te wā e manukanuka ana koe mō tētahi mea
• Ka nui ake te kata ina pōuri koe 
• Te noho puku ina pouri koe

18. Te rapu i tō whakaaro

He maha ā rātou pātai mō ō whakaaro mō ngā whakataunga, ahakoa he iti, he nui rānei. Mā te whakanui i ō whakaaro ka kitea he whakaute me te hononga kare ā-roto hohonu. Mena he hiahia huna kei waenganui i ngā hoa mahi, ka pātai pea rātou mō ngā whakaaro e pā ana ki te mahi. I roto rānei i tētahi horopaki wātea, ka rite pea ki te tango whakaaro mō ngā kākahu, ngā pukapuka/kiriata, me ētahi atu.

19. Noho roa atu i te wā e hiahiatia ana 

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ahakoa he kōrero, he hui, he huihuinga rānei, ka roa ake tā rātou noho ki tua atu i ngā mea e tika ana." Ko tēnei noho roa e whakaatu ana i tō rātou kore e pai ki te wehe atu i tō kamupene. Anei ētahi tauira: 

• I roto i tētahi hui, he pātai, he feaa rānei tā rātou hei whakamārama
• I muri i tētahi pāti, he rite tonu tā rātou hiahia ki tāu pāti
• Ki te mea he maia ake rātou, ka tuku noa rātou i te huarahi hei haere māu ki te wāhi e tū ana koe i tō waka, kia noho tahi ai rātou me koe tae noa ki te meneti whakamutunga. 

20. Te mataku ohorere 

He āhua māharahara, he āhua pōrearea rānei rātou ina noho tahi koe, he tohu tēnei kei te tino mōhio rātou ki tō aroaro. He maha ngā wā ka kitea e te kaha o te io tō rātou hiahia nui . I kōrero tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit i tā rātou e whakaaro nei he tohu o te hononga ngaro, "Ina he pai tana kōrero, ka hē ia i ana kupu ina kōrero ana ki a koe. He hoa ia, engari ka āhua māharahara ia i a koe e noho tahi ana."

21. Ko taua kare ā-roto 

Hei whakamutunga, e kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "I ētahi wā, ka mōhio koe he rite tonu te kare ā-roto, ahakoa kāore e taea te tohu i tētahi tohu. I ēnei wā, ka kī atu ahau kia whakawhirinaki koe ki tō puku." Ko te whakawhirinaki ki tō pūmanawa ka taea te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakaae ki te hiahia ngaro. Nō reira, ki te kore he tohu e kitea ana engari kāore e taea e koe te mutu te whakaaro, "Ina rongo koe i te hiko me tētahi, kei te rongo anō hoki rātou?" kotahi anake te huarahi hei kimi. Haere ki te kōrero ki a rātou!

FAQs

Thoughts Final

He hononga whakahihiri, ngaro hoki te kukume kāore i te kōrerotia, ā, he maha ngā wā ka kitea he hiko. Mā te mōhio ki ēnei tohu ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i te koretake me te whakatau mēnā me aro atu ki ō kare ā-roto. He tūāpapa ataahua te kukume ā-iwi mō tētahi whanaungatanga pea, engari mā te māramatanga—mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera—ka huri i ngā tohu o te kukume kāore i te kōrerotia i te mahi hei mea e kitea ana. Kia aro ki ngā tohu, whakawhirinaki ki tō pūmanawa, kaua hoki e mangere ki te tūhura i ngā mea ka taea ina pai te wā. Ko te aroha kāore i te kōrerotia, ina atawhaitia, ka taea te tipu hei mea whakamiharo.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.