Ko te tumanako ki tētahi aroha hou ka whakahihiri, ka kukume i a tātou ki ōna huringa me ōna takahuri tonu. I te wā tuatahi harikoa o tētahi whanaungatanga hou, tera pea ka tino whakapono koe kāore i tawhiti rawa tō "harikoa ake ake". Ko kōrua te tokorua hou i tēnei wā, ā, e tino whakapono ana koe kua riro i a kōrua te taitara o te "takirua pai rawa atu". Engari ko te moemoeā mō te aroha me te noho tonu i roto i te aroha ake ake he mea tino rerekē, e mōhio wawe ana koe.
Kāore te noho aroha tonu i te rite ki ngā kōrero a ngā kiriata. I te ao tūturu, kāore pea ēnei tokorua e aroha ana i te mutunga tahi. Ko te wāhanga "huihuinga" i te ua ka waiho noa iho kōrua kia pāngia e te makariri i te aonga ake.
Nō reira, ko te aroha anake te mea e hiahiatia ana hei pupuri i te aroha ake tonu atu, kāore rānei he uaua ake i tērā? Mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro a Juhi Pandey (MA Psychology), he tohunga ki te whakaipoipo, ki te tohutohu i mua i te marena me te wehenga, ka kawea atu e mātou ki a koe ngā kī e 8 hei āwhina i a koe kia mau tonu te aroha ake tonu atu.
8 Ngā Kī Hei Noho Aroha Ake Tonu
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I roto i te rārangi o ngā mea tino ātaahua o te ao e mea ai te tangata kia "Āe!", ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tawhito e aroha tonu ana te mea tino pai rawa atu. Engari e ai ki tā rātou, he rerekē rawa ngā mea e rua, arā, te aroha me te noho tonu ki te aroha. He ngāwari ki te whakaaro ka harikoa tonu koe ki tō hoa ina mau te aroha ki a koe.
"I tīmata tō māua whanaungatanga me te pakū nui. He kaha, he mea whakakaha e te hiahia me te whanaungatanga piripono. Kāore māua i aro ki ngā mea pēnei i te noho tonu i roto i te aroha ake ake, ā, i whakatau māua ka mau tonu tēnei kaha i waenganui i a māua. Engari i te taenga mai o te tohu e whā marama, ka memeha haere te hiahia, ka mate te kaha, ā, ko te tinihanga te whao whakamutunga i roto i te kāwhena," te kōrero a Jessica ki a māua, e kōrero ana mō tana whanaungatanga karmic e ahua nei ka tu tonu i roto i te whakamātautau o te wā.
Ina kei waenganui koe i tētahi hononga hou, he koretake te whakaaro me pēhea te noho tonu i roto i te aroha ake ake, nā te mea e whakaaro ana koe kua whakaritea kia noho tahi tonu koe me tēnei tangata. He onge noa iho te kōrero mō ngā mea e pai ana, ngā mea kāore e pai ana, nā te mea ehara i te mea koinei te āhua o te aroha i roto i ngā kiriata aroha katoa.
E ai ki ngā rangahau , tata ki te 70% o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kāore anō kia kōrero mō te mea e kiia ana he puremu i roto i tā rātou hononga. Tērā pea kāore rātou i kite i te hiahia ki te kōrero pēnei, ā, tera pea ka pā mai he raruraru ki ō rātou kanohi ā muri ake nei. Ko te whakaaro nui, ko te hononga pumau tonu, kāore e rite ki ngā mea kua whakaaturia mai ki a tātou i roto i ō tātou oranga katoa.
He nui ake te mahi mō tētahi whanaungatanga aroha tūturu i te awhi i te ua e whakatika ana i ngā mea katoa i roto i ngā kiriata. Ko te noho aroha ki tō hoa rangatira ehara i te mea e tupu noa mai ana , engari he mea e mahi ana koe i ia rā. Pērā i te whiriwhiringa o te marena kotahi i ia rā.
Ki te hiahia koe kia tino koroheke koe me te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, he maha ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakarite kia pai, kia aroha hoki tō whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ko te nui o tō aroha ki tō hoa te take o te noho aroha, engari ka taea te whakatau i te pai o tā kōrua whakatau i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga e pā mai ana ki a kōrua.
Kāore, ahakoa kua whakatau koe ki te aroha tonu ki tētahi tangata ake ake, ehara i te mea ka rongo tonu koe i te aroha kotahi ki a ia i ia rā, i ia rā. Whai muri i aua tautohetohe kino, ka tae mai ngā rā kāore koe e hiahia ki te titiro ki tō hoa. Kia kore ai e araia te aroha e ētahi tautohetohe, me titiro tika tātou ki ngā tohu e 8 kua whakarārangihia e mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te pupuri i te aroha ki tētahi:
He Pānui e Pā Ana: Te Mea Ngaro mō te Āwhina a te Hokohoko Hauora i ngā Tāne me ngā Wahine kia Mau te Aroha
1. Te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi
E mea ana a Juhi, "Ko te whakaute te pūtake o tētahi whanaungatanga. Kia tīmata kōrua te noho tahi, tera pea ka puta ake ngā rerekētanga. Ko te nui o tō whakaute ki aua rerekētanga, ki te pūnaha whakapono rānei a tō hoa, koinei te mea e tautuhi ana i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ki te kore te whakaute, ka mutu te whanaungatanga."
Me aro tonu ki ngā tohu o te kore whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga . Mēnā ka kino haere tēnei take, ka mutu pea koe ka whakaaro kāore koe i te whai mana, ka whakaititia rānei i ngā wā katoa kāore ō whakaaro e arohia ana. Mēnā he kotahi noa te take hei whiriwhiri māu hei whakautu i te āhua o te noho tonu i roto i te aroha mō ake tonu atu, ko te whakatū pea i te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi. Ko ngā mea ngāwari pēnei i te whakarongo ki tō hoa, me te kore e tapahi i a rātou ina kōrero ana ki a koe, ka nui te painga.
2. Tautoko tonu i tō hoa i ia taahiraa
E ai ki a Juhi, ko te kore tautoko he amuamu tino noa e pā ana ki a ia i a ia e tohutohu ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mārenatia. "Ko te tautoko te mea e tupu ai te whanaungatanga. Ko te kore tautoko kare ā-roto, ā-tinana rānei, ina koa ko te kore tautoko a ngā hoa mahi ki ngā mahi o te whare, ka hua ake he maha ngā tautohe. He mea tino nui te tautoko i ngā āhuatanga katoa o te ao, inā koa i tēnei wā e whai kawenga ngaio ana ngā wāhine me ngā tāne," tāna tāpiri.
Ki te mea kei te whakamātau tō hoa i tētahi wero hou, kia kaua ia e noho mokemoke. Ahakoa he aha ngā āhuatanga o te ao, me kaha kōrua ki te whakatau i tēnei wero hei rōpū. Kia mau ki te whakaaro "ko ia tangata māna ake" mō ngā pō tākaro, kaua ki te whanaungatanga whānui.
Ko te whanaungatanga pumau tonu ka tutuki i runga i te āwhina o te tautoko pumau. Ina pāngia koe e te wā uaua, me tumanako koe ka tautokohia koe e tō hoa mēnā e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi āwhina? Ko tō hoa te tangata tuatahi ka waea atu koe i ia wā e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi āwhina?
Mā te kawe mai i tā rātou kai tino pai hei tango atu mā tō hoa ina pouri ana rātou, mā te noho noa rānei hei whakarongo atu ki a rātou, ka āwhina i a rātou kia mōhio he mea nui rātou. Ka taea hoki e koe te whakaatu i te aroha mā te tuku karere kuputuhi ātaahua ki konei, ki reira. PS: Ko te patu i ngā pungawerewere mō tō hoa kāore e kiia he tautoko. Heoi, ka māmā ake te noho aroha!
3. Te whakaatu i te hiahia ki tō hoa
Kia tīmata te ora me te mahi me ngā kawenga kē atu, ka waiho pea te wā kounga ki muri i a kōrua. Ki te kore he hiahia ōrite, he pai kē atu kia noho tahi kōrua hei hoa noho. Mā te whakawhanake i ngā mahi whakangahau ōrite, te tūhura haere rānei hei hoa rangatira, ka nui ake te ngahau o te noho aroha ake ake i te kōrero noa mō te āhua o tō kōrua rā i te tina.
E mea ana a Juhi, "He mea nui te whakaatu i te hiahia. Ka noho haumaru, ka arohaina te tangata. Ki te kore kōrua e mahi tahi, e wheako tahi rānei i ngā mea hou, ka tino hoha te whanaungatanga. Ka puta te hoha i roto i te whanaungatanga , ā, ka mutu, ka kore e harikoa."
Ahakoa kei te ngana koe ki te pupuri i te aroha ki tō hoa tāne, ki tō hoa wahine rānei, kaua rawa e wareware kei te ngana tonu koe ki te mōhio ki tēnei tangata. Ahakoa kua tekau tau tō kōrua hononga, me ngana tonu koe ki te pātai i ngā pātai tika e whakaoho ana i tētahi whakautu whakamere hei hoatu i tētahi kōrero iti kāore i a koe i mua.
I roto i te wā, ka rerekē pea ō mahi whakangahau, ka ngaro rānei tō hiahia ki ngā mea i pai ai koe i mua. Tērā pea ka whakarērea te mahi māra i runga i tō taupee, ā, he iti noa iho ngā pō kiriata i waenganui. Anei tētahi mahi whakangahau kāore e tika kia uaua rawa te ako: whakamātauria te whakamātautau waina. Kia mahara, ko te whakamātautau waina te ingoa, ehara i te inu waina.
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4. Whakapaua te Rātapu i ētahi wā mō tō hoa
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te tuku i tō wā whaiaro, engari ina hiahia tō hoa kia noho koe hei hoa mōna, kaua e whakaroa i mua i te tuku i ō mahere kia noho ki te moenga mō te rā katoa. "He kaupapa tautohetohe ngā patunga tapu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki taku whakaaro, me mahi tetahi i ētahi momo patunga tapu kia mau tonu ai te whanaungatanga, engari ko te mea nui kia whai hononga tahi. Ki te tika te mahi, ko tētahi o ngā mea nui o tētahi whanaungatanga ," te kī a Juhi.
Ko te noho tonu i roto i te aroha ake ake ko te mea e pā ana ki te tangata e tuku ana i te poro parāone whakamutunga e toe ana i roto i te pouaka whakamātao. Heoi, ki te mea ko koe tonu te tangata e tuku ana i te aroha, kia mōhio tō hoa kei te tumanako koe ki ētahi patunga tapu mai i a rātou anō hoki. "Mēnā he patunga tapu ngātahi, ka kaha, ka ora, ka roa te whanaungatanga," te tāpiri a Juhi.
"I ia wā ka pātai mai tetahi ki ahau mō te roa o taku marena, tata ki te toru tekau tau, ka mea atu ahau ki a rātou, ki te hiahia koe kia mau tonu te aroha ki tāu tāne, whakarērea te kāri kaute, ka ngana ki te mahi i ngā mea kia kite ai koe i a ia e menemene ana. Ka whānau mai te atawhai i te atawhai, ā, ko te aroha te mea e ora ai te marena," te kōrero a Racquel, he whaea 57-tau te pakeke, he tokorua āna tamariki.
5. Kia tūpato ki ngā tumanakohanga kāore i te tino pono
Ko te tikanga o te "kia mau tonu te aroha" he māmā noa iho, arā, te whakarite kia kaua e whai tumanakohanga koretake mai i tō hoa. "He mea kino ngā tumanakohanga teitei koretake i roto i ngā āhuatanga katoa o te ao, ā, ka arahi atu ki te pouri. Hei tauira, tō oranga mahi. Ki te nui rawa ō wawata, ā, he koretake ō tumanakohanga, ka pōuri tonu koe i ngā hapa iti, ā, tērā pea kāore koe e ora i te mahi," te kī a Juhi.
"Pērā anō hoki mō ngā whanaungatanga. He mea maori te whai i ētahi tumanako mēnā e aroha ana koe ki tētahi. Engari ko ngā tumanako tino teitei, ko ngā tumanako kāore i te tino pono ka arahi ki te pouri me te whanaungatanga hauora. Me whakamahi te tangata i tōna ake whakaaro nui ki te whakatakoto i tētahi rohe me te whakatau me pēhea te whakahaere i ngā tumanakohanga whanaungatanga ," tāna tāpiri.
E tumanako ana koe kia pānuihia e tō hoa tō hinengaro i ia wā e pouri ana koe? Ina pātai mai rātou he aha te mea i tupu, kaua e tatari kia whakapuakina e tō wahangu te mea me mōhio rātou. Tērā pea rānei tetahi o kōrua e tumanako ana ki ngā tohu aroha nui, ko tetahi e oma ana i tawhiti atu i ngā tohu aroha tawhito.
Ki te hiahia koe kia mau tonu te aroha ki tētahi tangata ake ake, kaua e tukua kia noho puku te koretake o ngā tumanakohanga kāore anō kia tutuki. Ko te huarahi anake hei patu i te arewhana i roto i te rūma ko te whakatika i taua raruraru. Ki te hiahia koe kia hokona mai e tō hoa he keke tīhi ohorere māu i ia wā, i ia wā, me whakamōhio atu ki a rātou. Ki te hiahia koe kia kī mai rātou he nui ake tō rātou aroha ki a koe, me whakamōhio atu ki a rātou. Ko te kimi me pēhea te mau tonu i te aroha ake ake he mea ngāwari noa iho, arā, te kimi me pēhea te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua.
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6. Whakatauhia ngā pakanga i runga i te whakaaro pakeke
"Pērā i ngā rerekētanga, he wāhanga anō hoki ngā tautohe o ngā whanaungatanga katoa," te kī a Juhi, "Ko te mea nui ko te kaha ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe i runga i te pakeketanga , ā, ka puta mai tēnā i te whakaute tetahi i tetahi i roto i te whanaungatanga. Me whakaatu e koe te whakaute me te aro ki ngā whakahē e puta ake ana i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ko te huarahi anake ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe ko te whakaute."
I muri i ngā pakanga kino, tera pea ka ngāwari te tuku i ō kare ā-roto kia kaha, ka kōrero i ngā mea i te wā e werawera ana koe, ā, ka pouri pea koe i muri mai. Kia rua, tekau mā rua ngā rōhi me te mirimiri i te tuara i muri mai, tera pea ka memeha te mauahara, engari e kore e memeha te mahara ki ngā kōrero mamae. Ki te hiahia koe ki te noho aroha ki tō hoa, tera pea te āhua nei ko ngā tautohetohe te mea kino me karo e koe i ngā huarahi katoa.
Engari, nā te mea kāore he whanaungatanga kāore he pakanga, ko te mea nui kia tino mohio kōrua kei te kaha ki te whakatau i ō kōrua rerekētanga i runga i te pakeketanga. Ina tutuki te whakaute tetahi i tetahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka māmā ake te whakatau i ngā pakanga. He kōwhiringa te noho aroha, ā, ka whakamatautauria ina puta ngā pakanga kino rawa atu. Ko te mea nui ko te huarahi e whakatau ai koe i aua pakanga.
7. Kōrero atu ki tō hoa aroha e aroha ana koe ki a ia
"Ki te whakapumautia te whakaaro pai, te whakaute, te manaaki, me te tautoko, ka puta ake ngā mea katoa i a rātou anō," te kī a Juhi, mō te hiranga o te whakapuaki i tō aroha ki tō hoa.
"Ki te hiahia koe kia mau tonu te aroha ki tō hoa tāne, ā, e hiahia ana koe kia mau tonu tōna aroha ki a koe, me kī atu koe ki a ia he nui atu tō aroha ki a ia i tō whakaaro e tika ana. He maha ngā tāne e mataku ana ki te kī atu ki ō rātou hoa te nui o te hiahia kia whakamanawa rātou. Mai i taku wheako, he nui te hiahia kia whakamanawa rātou. Nō reira, kia mōhio tō hoa tāne kei te mihi koe kei roto ia i tō ao," te kī a Kelina, he kaihoahoa 30-tau te pakeke, kua neke atu i te haurua tekau tau e piri tahi ana me tana hoa tāne a Jason.
He huarahi pai te kī atu ki tō hoa e aroha ana koe ki a ia i tētahi wā ohorere hei whakaatu i te aroha . I a koe e haere ana ngā tau i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka mutu pea koe me ngā huarahi ātaahua e whakaatu ana kōrua i tō kōrua aroha tetahi ki tetahi. Ka iti rawa te aroha nā te mea kua makona koe ki te āhua o ngā mea, ā, kāore koe e kite i te take e whakapau kaha ai koe ki te whakapai ake.
Heoi, ki te aroha, ki te noho tonu i roto i te aroha, ko te whakaatu i te aroha me te aroha ki tō hoa he mahi mō te ao katoa, ehara i te mea i mahia e koe i te wā i tīmata ai kōrua te haere ki waho. Kaua e tukua te hoha o te whanaungatanga kia ārahi i te auau o te awhi ohorere i tō hoa.
8. Kaua rawa e whakahawea ki te whanaungatanga
"Ko te whanaungatanga pai te mea e harikoa ai, e ora ai te tangata," te kī a Juhi, "He maha ngā uauatanga o te ao, engari mā te whanaungatanga hauora ka taea e koe te noho marino. Ki te kore he whanaungatanga whai hua, ka raru katoa ngā mea. Kia kore ai koe e whakaaro noa ki tō whanaungatanga, me whakamahara koe ki a koe anō koinei pea te mea nui rawa atu o tō ao."
Ka puta te whakaaro kua kore he mahi nui mō tētahi whanaungatanga i roto i te wā, ina tīmata ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakaaro kāore he mahi nui atu e hiahiatia ana. Ina ngana ana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te pupuri i te aroha ki tētahi, ko te whakautu he mea noa iho me aro tonu, me mahi tonu hoki te whanaungatanga.
Ahakoa kei te ngana koe ki te pupuri i te aroha ki tāu tāne, ki tāu wahine rānei, me whakarite kia ōrite te nui o te whakapau kaha mai i ngā taha e rua. Ahakoa he pai ki a kōrua te tango i te hakihaki o te tuara o tētahi ki tētahi, ehara i te mea kāore e taea e kōrua te noho aroha.
Ko te aroha ki tētahi he mea e tupu noa ana i roto i te ao tūroa, kāore e taea e koe te whakahaere. Ko te noho tonu i roto i te aroha he kōwhiringa e pāngia ana e te nui o te mahi e hiahia ana koe ki te whakapau ki te whanaungatanga. Kia mau tonu ai tō aroha ake tonu atu, mā ēnei kī e waru i whakarārangihia e tō mātou tohunga a Juhi Pandey koe e āwhina ki te whakatutuki i ō whāinga whanaungatanga, kia taea ai e koe te whakaatu i aua whāinga ki runga i ō pāpāho pāpori, kia hae ai hoki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine katoa.
FAQs
Ae, ka taea tonu te noho aroha ki tētahi atu. Engari he mea nui kia mōhio koe ko te momo aroha e pā ana ki a koe mō tētahi tangata ka huri mai i te hiahia nui me te hihiri ki tētahi mea e marino ake ana, e aro ana ki te aroha me te ngākau aroha. Hei noho aroha ki tētahi atu mō ake tonu atu, me whai koe i ngā kaupapa matua katoa o te hanga hononga hauora ki tētahi.
Ko te huarahi anake pea hei pupuri i te aroha ki tētahi ake ake ko te whiriwhiri i tēnā. Ki te kore tō whanaungatanga e kino ana ki tō hauora hinengaro, ki tō hauora tinana rānei, ā, ka ara ake koe i ia rā ka whiriwhiri kia atawhai, kia aroha, kia aroha ki tō hoa, ka whiriwhiri koe kia noho tonu i roto i te aroha.
Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei te aroha koe ki tētahi - 11 ngā tohu e whakaatu ana i tēnā
Ina he ataahua, he memeha haere te whanaungatanga, pērā i te pua cherry
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
