Pamene Kuvomereza, Chikondi Ndi Ulemu Zimatayika Mu Ubale

Ndizomvetsa chisoni kwambiri pamene ulemu umatayika muubwenzi womwe unali ukuyenda bwino, ndipo zimakhala zoipitsitsa pamene ngakhale kuti chikondi ndi kuvomereza kulibe, anthu amasankha kukhala pamodzi mopanda chimwemwe. Ulemu ndi chikondi mu ubale zimapanga maziko ake. 

Anthu ambiri amavomereza ndi kuzindikira mfundo imeneyi. Komabe, okwatirana ambiri amavutika ndi funso ili: Kodi mungabwezeretse bwanji ulemu m’banja pamene chiyembekezo chikuwoneka kuti chatha? Mabanja ambiri amangokhalira kukangana pamene mmodzi kapena onse aŵiri ayamba kudziona kuti sakulemekezedwa. Kuvomereza mfundo imeneyi ndi kupereka nthawi ndi khama kuthetsa vuto ndi sitepe yoyamba kukonza ubale wanu. 

Momwe Mungabweretsere Ulemu, Chikondi Ndi Kuvomereza Kuti Mubwererenso Muukwati?

Momwe mungapezere ulemu wochuluka muubwenzi pamene mnzanuyo sakufunanso kucheza nanu kapena mwadzidzidzi amachitira manyazi kuti akulowetseni m'moyo wawo wapamtima kapena ali ndi mphamvu zowononga mapulani omwe munapanga pamodzi?

Kusalemekeza nthawi yanu ndi malonjezo omwe amapangidwa kwa inu ndi chimodzimodzi ndi kusalemekezana muubwenzi. Pokhapokha ngati mbali zonse ziwiri zikuyesetsa mofanana kukonza zinthu, ukwatiwo sungathe. Siyani kupatsa mwayi anthu omwe sakuyenererani. Werengani nkhani yanga kuti mudziwe chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kudziteteza nokha pamene palibe ulemu uliwonse kapena mungayambe kumva kuti mwatayika muubwenzi.

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Ukwati wanga unakhazikitsidwa

Ndinali mwana wosamalidwa bwino, ndinabadwira komanso kukulira m’tauni yaing’ono. Nditamaliza maphunziro anga mu 2007, ndinasamukira mumzindawu n’kuyamba kugwira ntchito kumeneko. Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, makolo anga anandipangira woti ndigwirizane nawo chifukwa ndinalibe nthaŵi yopezera munthu.

Anasankha mwamuna wokhazikika bwino komanso wochokera ku Delhi. Ndinapita naye kukacheza ndipo posakhalitsa tinayamba kucheza kwambiri. Iye ankandilemekeza chifukwa chokonda ntchito ndipo ndinkamuyamikira chifukwa cha zimenezo. Panthawiyo, ndimaganiza kuti sindingapeze wina wabwino kuposa ine. Sizinali mpaka patapita nthawi yaitali kuti ndione zizindikiro za kusowa ulemu muubwenzi.

Mapeto a honeymoon

Ndinakwatirana mu December 2010 ndipo moyo wanga wokongola unatha. Nthawi yoyamba yaukwati inali yabwino. Tinapita ku Ulaya pa tchuthi chathu chaukwati. Zinatha mofulumira ndipo tinabwerera ku Delhi. Moyo weniweni wa m’banja unayamba. Alamu anga, amene ankanamizira kukhala okoma kwambiri ukwati usanachitike, mwadzidzidzi anasanduka mwano.

M’masiku oyambirira a ukwati wanga, pamene ndinkafuna mnzanga kwambiri, iye anali kutali kwambiri ndi ine. Mwamuna wanga, yemwe ankayenera kukhala nane usiku, ankaonera TV m’chipinda cha amayi ake. Anabwera kuchipinda ine nditagona. Sanakonde kundilankhula. Tidalibe ubwenzi uliwonse wakuthupi chifukwa malinga ndi iye sindimanunkhiza bwino.

“Chikondi sichimangotanthauza kukhala pamodzi, koma chimangotanthauza kuwonedwa ndi kulemekezedwa.”

Titakwatirana, tinkakhala ngati anthu okhala m'chipinda chimodzi, kusiyana kokhako kunali kusintha kwa udindo wa m'banja. Ndipo nthawi ngati izi zikamafika pozindikira kuti mukutaya ubale wanu . Ndinkamva kusungulumwa komanso kukhumudwa. Ndinali wantchito wa m'banja monga mpongozi wabwino, woleredwa m'banja ndi udindo wokha wokondweretsa aliyense. Ndinkadziwa kuti ulemu ndi chikondi mu ubale ndizofunikira koma sindinkadziwa momwe ndingapangire mwamuna wanga kundikonda.

Ulamuliro wa apongozi anga ndi malamulo awo ankagwira ntchito kwa ine, osati mwana wawo. Mwamuna wanga anali mwana wa mayi kwathunthu. Amayi ake ankamusamalirabe ndi kumupusitsa ngati kamwana, zomwe zinali zovuta kuzigaya. Ukwati wanga ndi mwamuna wanga unali wamwadzina chabe. Kunena zoona, ndinakwatiwa ndi azilamu anga. Ndinafunikira kuwakonda, kuwasamalira, kuwasangalatsa, ndipo m’malo mwake, ndinapeza zoneneza ndi zonyoza.

Zinali zokhumudwitsa

Ndinali nditatopa ndi moyo wanga. Kodi mungayambe bwanji kukonza ukwati pamene mwamuna wanu amasankha banja lake kuposa inu ? Mwamuna wanga sanandiyang'ane nkomwe. Ankakhala nthawi yake yonse kunja kwa nyumba, ku ofesi, kapena ndi abwenzi. Mu mzinda watsopano, wopanda ntchito, ndimayenera kukhala ndi makolo ake ndikukhala moyo wanga mogwirizana ndi zomwe akufuna. Ndinakhumudwa ndi moyo wanga wovuta.

Panalibe kuvomereza m’banja – sanafune kuvomereza kuti ndimapeza ndalama zochuluka kuposa iyeyo ndipo ndinali ndi ufulu wokhala mbali ya zigamulo za banja. Sanafune n’komwe kuvomereza kuti ndinali womvetsa chisoni m’nyumba muja ndiponso muubwenzi umenewo.

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Ndinayamba kudzitaya ndekha

Ndinachotsedwa ntchito, dzina langa, chilichonse titalowa m’banja. Chochepa chimene ndinkayembekezera kwa aliyense chinali kulandiridwa, chikondi, ndi ulemu. Tsoka ilo, sindinapeze. Kudziona kuti mukunyozedwa muubwenzi ndi chinthu chimodzi, koma kuyang'ana pozungulira kuti muthandizidwe ndikusapeza ndi gawo lovuta kwambiri.

Masiku oyambirira, ndinalankhula ndi makolo anga pafoni ndipo ndinalira. Anandilangiza kuti ndiyesere kusintha koma ndinali nditatopa kwambiri. Ndinkamva ngati nditatayika muubwenzi ndipo zenizeni zinandikhudza kwambiri. Kenako ndinaganiza zodzisamalira ndekha ndikukhala moyo wanga momwe ndimafunira. Ndinali nditatopa ndi kuyembekezeredwa kutsatira malingaliro abwino a mpongozi wanga.

Koma ndiye ndinali ndi epiphany

Ndinayamba kufunafuna ntchito yoti ndizikhala wotopa. Mu 2015, ndinapeza ntchito pakampani ina yapafupi ndi kwathu. Simungayerekeze chimwemwe changa pamene ndinali ndi kiyi yochirikiza ufulu wanga. Osachepera, ndimatha kuthera maola angapo momwe ndimafunira. Alamu anga ndi mwamuna wanga ananditsutsa, ponena kuti malipiro anali ochepa kwambiri. Ndinazindikira kuti sanali kusamala za umoyo wanga koma anali ndi zolinga zinazake.

Iwo ankada nkhawa kuti ndani amene angagwire ntchito zapakhomo za tsiku ndi tsiku monga kuphika ndi kuyeretsa. Ndinawatsimikizira kuti ndichita chilichonse ndisanatuluke m'nyumba komanso ndikabwerera. Ndinayamba ntchito, ndikuonetsetsa kuti ntchito zanga zapakhomo sizikukhudzidwa. Aliyense m'nyumba lerolino ali wokondwa, ndipo ngakhale ine ndikusangalala komanso ndikukhutira ndi ntchito yanga. Ndikhoza kupuma mpweya wabwino panja m'malo momangika ndi mpweya wozizira kunyumba.

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Ndinatenga ulamuliro wa moyo wanga

Chinthu chabwino kwambiri chinali chakuti pamene ndinayamba kugwira ntchito, panali kusintha kwakukulu mu ubale wanga. Ndinamva kusintha. Ndinadzimva kukhala wodzidalira komanso wosinthidwa kuti ndiwonetse luso langa. Ngakhale mwamuna wanga anazindikira. Anaona mmene ndinkagwirira ntchito komanso ntchito zapakhomo.

Tinayamba kukambirana nkhani zambiri titabwerera kuntchito. Tinayamba kudya chakudya chamadzulo limodzi, kuonera TV pambuyo pake komanso kukambirana zinthu zosiyanasiyana. Izi zinachepetsa kusiyana kwa kulankhulana ndipo zinawonjezera ubale wathu. Anaphunzira kuvomereza kufanana ndi kulemekeza kusiyana.

Ndidalimba mtima kumupempha kuti apereke nthawi paubwenzi wathu. Zinali zachilungamo. Ndipo inde, ndinalandilidwa, kulemekezedwa ndi chikondi muubwenzi pambuyo pa zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri zaukwati wanga. Ndinazindikira kuti zimavuta kuti mkazi akhale ndi moyo pamene sakuvomerezedwa. Osataya chiyembekezo ngakhale mukumva kuti mwataya mtima pachibwenzi pakali pano. Khalani nokha ndipo musalole kuti wina aliyense azikuzunzani ndipo zinthu zisintha kukhala zabwino.

Simunabadwe kuti musangalatse aliyense. Gwirani ntchito nokha ndikudziyimira pawokha. Ngati mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungabwezeretsere ulemu m'banja, ndizotheka ngati mutayamba kudzilemekeza nokha. Sikuti ndikupeza ndalama zokha komanso kukhala wodziyimira pawokha pazachuma komanso kukhala ndi moyo malinga ndi kusankha kwanu. Mphamvu imamasula.

Ibibazo

Kutsiriza Kwambiri

Kutaya kuvomereza, chikondi, ndi ulemu muubwenzi sikutanthauza mapeto—ndi chizindikiro choti muyime kaye, muganizire, ndikumanganso. Funani thandizo ngati pakufunika, lankhulani momasuka, ndipo kumbukirani kuti ubale uliwonse uyenera kukhala ndi mwayi wochira. Fufuzani mautumiki athu opereka uphungu ndikupeza chithandizo chomwe mukufuna kuti mulimbikitse ubale wabwino.

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