Pamene Kuvomereza, Chikondi Ndi Ulemu Zimatayika Mu Ubale

Ndizomvetsa chisoni kwambiri pamene ulemu umatayika muubwenzi womwe unali ukuyenda bwino, ndipo zimakhala zoipitsitsa pamene ngakhale kuti chikondi ndi kuvomereza kulibe, anthu amasankha kukhala pamodzi mopanda chimwemwe. Ulemu ndi chikondi mu ubale zimapanga maziko ake. 

Anthu ambiri amavomereza ndi kuzindikira mfundo imeneyi. Komabe, okwatirana ambiri amavutika ndi funso ili: Kodi mungabwezeretse bwanji ulemu m’banja pamene chiyembekezo chikuwoneka kuti chatha? Mabanja ambiri amangokhalira kukangana pamene mmodzi kapena onse aŵiri ayamba kudziona kuti sakulemekezedwa. Kuvomereza mfundo imeneyi ndi kupereka nthawi ndi khama kuthetsa vuto ndi sitepe yoyamba kukonza ubale wanu. 

Momwe Mungabweretsere Ulemu, Chikondi Ndi Kuvomereza Kuti Mubwererenso Muukwati?

Momwe mungapezere ulemu wochuluka muubwenzi pamene mnzanuyo sakufunanso kucheza nanu kapena mwadzidzidzi amachitira manyazi kuti akulowetseni m'moyo wawo wapamtima kapena ali ndi mphamvu zowononga mapulani omwe munapanga pamodzi?

Kusalemekeza nthawi yanu ndi malonjezano operekedwa kwa inu kuli kofanana ndi kupanda ulemu muubwenzi. Pokhapokha pali kuyesetsa kofanana ndi onse awiri kuti akonze zinthu, ukwati wathetsedwa. Lekani kupereka mwayi kwa anthu omwe sakuyenera inu. Werengani nkhani yanga kuti mudziwe chifukwa chake kuli kofunika kuimirira nokha pamene palibe ulemu kapena mungayambe kudzimva kuti mwatayika pachibwenzi.

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Ukwati wanga unakhazikitsidwa

Ndinali mwana wosamalidwa bwino, ndinabadwira komanso kukulira m’tauni yaing’ono. Nditamaliza maphunziro anga mu 2007, ndinasamukira mumzindawu n’kuyamba kugwira ntchito kumeneko. Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, makolo anga anandipangira woti ndigwirizane nawo chifukwa ndinalibe nthaŵi yopezera munthu.

Anasankha mnyamata wokhazikika bwino ndi banja labwino kuchokera ku Delhi. Ndinapita naye pa chibwenzi ndipo posakhalitsa tinayamba kucheza kwambiri. Anandilemekeza chifukwa chokonda ntchito ndipo ndinkamusirira chifukwa cha zimenezi. Panthawiyo, ndinkaganiza kuti sindingapeze munthu wabwino kuposa ine. Sipanatenge nthawi kuti ndiwawone zizindikiro za kusowa ulemu mu chiyanjano.

Mapeto a honeymoon

Ndinakwatirana mu December 2010 ndipo moyo wanga wokongola unatha. Nthawi yoyamba yaukwati inali yabwino. Tinapita ku Ulaya pa tchuthi chathu chaukwati. Zinatha mofulumira ndipo tinabwerera ku Delhi. Moyo weniweni wa m’banja unayamba. Alamu anga, amene ankanamizira kukhala okoma kwambiri ukwati usanachitike, mwadzidzidzi anasanduka mwano.

M’masiku oyambirira a ukwati wanga, pamene ndinkafuna mnzanga kwambiri, iye anali kutali kwambiri ndi ine. Mwamuna wanga, yemwe ankayenera kukhala nane usiku, ankaonera TV m’chipinda cha amayi ake. Anabwera kuchipinda ine nditagona. Sanakonde kundilankhula. Tidalibe ubwenzi uliwonse wakuthupi chifukwa malinga ndi iye sindimanunkhiza bwino.

“Chikondi sichimangotanthauza kukhala pamodzi, koma chimangotanthauza kuwonedwa ndi kulemekezedwa.”

Titakwatirana, tinkakhala ngati anthu okhala m’chipinda chimodzi, kusiyana kokha kunali kusintha kwa ukwati. Ndipo zimakhala ngati izi pamene muzindikira kuti muli kudzitaya pa ubwenzi. Ndinkasungulumwa komanso ndinkavutika maganizo. Ndinali wantchito chabe m’mawonekedwe a mpongozi wabwino, wobweretsedwa m’banjamo ndi udindo wokondweretsa aliyense. Ndinkadziwa kuti ulemu ndi chikondi muubwenzi zinali zofunika koma sindinkadziwa momwe ndingapangire mwamuna wanga kundikonda.

Ulamuliro wa apongozi anga ndi malamulo awo ankagwira ntchito kwa ine, osati mwana wawo. Mwamuna wanga anali mwana wa mayi kwathunthu. Amayi ake ankamusamalirabe ndi kumupusitsa ngati kamwana, zomwe zinali zovuta kuzigaya. Ukwati wanga ndi mwamuna wanga unali wamwadzina chabe. Kunena zoona, ndinakwatiwa ndi azilamu anga. Ndinafunikira kuwakonda, kuwasamalira, kuwasangalatsa, ndipo m’malo mwake, ndinapeza zoneneza ndi zonyoza.

Zinali zokhumudwitsa

Ndinatopa ndi moyo wanga. Kodi mumayamba bwanji kukonza banja lanu pamene wanu mwamuna amasankha bwino banja lake kuposa inu? Mwamuna wanga sanandiyang'ane nkomwe. Anathera nthaŵi yake yonse kunja kwa nyumba, ku ofesi, kapena ndi anzake. Mu mzinda watsopano, wopanda ntchito, ndinayenera kukhala ndi makolo ake ndi kukhala moyo wanga mogwirizana ndi zofuna zawo. Ndinakhumudwa ndi moyo wanga wotopetsa.

Panalibe kuvomereza m’banja – sanafune kuvomereza kuti ndimapeza ndalama zochuluka kuposa iyeyo ndipo ndinali ndi ufulu wokhala mbali ya zigamulo za banja. Sanafune n’komwe kuvomereza kuti ndinali womvetsa chisoni m’nyumba muja ndiponso muubwenzi umenewo.

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Ndinayamba kudzitaya ndekha

Ndinachotsedwa ntchito, dzina langa, chilichonse titalowa m’banja. Chochepa chimene ndinkayembekezera kwa aliyense chinali kulandiridwa, chikondi, ndi ulemu. Tsoka ilo, sindinapeze. Kudziona kuti mukunyozedwa muubwenzi ndi chinthu chimodzi, koma kuyang'ana pozungulira kuti muthandizidwe ndikusapeza ndi gawo lovuta kwambiri.

M’masiku oyambirira, ndinalankhula ndi makolo anga pafoni n’kulira. Anandilangiza kuti ndiyesere kusintha koma ndinali nditathedwa nzeru. Ine ndinali kumverera kuti watayika pachibwenzi kwathunthu ndipo zenizeni zake mwadzidzidzi zinandikhudza kwambiri. Apa m’pamene ndinaganiza zokhala ndi moyo wosangalala komanso kukhala moyo wanga mmene ndinkafunira. Ndinali kudwala chifukwa choyembekezeredwa kutsatira malingaliro abwino a mpongozi.

Koma ndiye ndinali ndi epiphany

Ndinayamba kufunafuna ntchito yoti ndizikhala wotopa. Mu 2015, ndinapeza ntchito pakampani ina yapafupi ndi kwathu. Simungayerekeze chimwemwe changa pamene ndinali ndi kiyi yochirikiza ufulu wanga. Osachepera, ndimatha kuthera maola angapo momwe ndimafunira. Alamu anga ndi mwamuna wanga ananditsutsa, ponena kuti malipiro anali ochepa kwambiri. Ndinazindikira kuti sanali kusamala za umoyo wanga koma anali ndi zolinga zinazake.

Iwo anali ndi nkhawa kuti ndani azisamalira tsiku lililonse ntchito zapakhomo monga kuphika ndi kuyeretsa. Ndinawatsimikizira kuti ndichita zonse ndisanachoke panyumbapo ndi kubwereranso. Ndinayamba ntchito, ndikuonetsetsa kuti ntchito zanga zapakhomo zisandikhudze. Aliyense m’nyumba lerolino ali wokondwa, ndipo ngakhale inenso ndine wokondwa ndi wokhutira ndi ntchito yanga. Ndimatha kupeza mpweya wabwino panja m'malo momapinizidwa ndi mpweya wapanyumba kunyumba.

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Ndinatenga ulamuliro wa moyo wanga

Chinthu chabwino kwambiri chinali chakuti pamene ndinayamba kugwira ntchito, panali kusintha kwakukulu mu ubale wanga. Ndinamva kusintha. Ndinadzimva kukhala wodzidalira komanso wosinthidwa kuti ndiwonetse luso langa. Ngakhale mwamuna wanga anazindikira. Anaona mmene ndinkagwirira ntchito komanso ntchito zapakhomo.

Tinayamba kukambirana nkhani zambiri titabwera kuchokera kuntchito. Tinayamba kudya chakudya chamadzulo pamodzi, kuonera TV pambuyo pake ndi kukambirana nkhani zosiyanasiyana. Izi zidachepetsa kusiyana kwa kulumikizana ndi chinawonjezera ubwenzi wakuthupi pakati pathu. Anaphunzira kuvomereza kufanana kwake ndi kulemekeza kusiyana kwake.

Ndidalimba mtima kumupempha kuti apereke nthawi paubwenzi wathu. Zinali zachilungamo. Ndipo inde, ndinalandilidwa, kulemekezedwa ndi chikondi muubwenzi pambuyo pa zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri zaukwati wanga. Ndinazindikira kuti zimavuta kuti mkazi akhale ndi moyo pamene sakuvomerezedwa. Osataya chiyembekezo ngakhale mukumva kuti mwataya mtima pachibwenzi pakali pano. Khalani nokha ndipo musalole kuti wina aliyense azikuzunzani ndipo zinthu zisintha kukhala zabwino.

Simunabadwe kuti musangalatse aliyense. Gwirani ntchito nokha ndikudziyimira pawokha. Ngati mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungabwezeretsere ulemu m'banja, ndizotheka ngati mutayamba kudzilemekeza nokha. Sikuti ndikupeza ndalama zokha komanso kukhala wodziyimira pawokha pazachuma komanso kukhala ndi moyo malinga ndi kusankha kwanu. Mphamvu imamasula.

Ibibazo

Kutsiriza Kwambiri

Kutaya kulandiridwa, chikondi, ndi ulemu muubwenzi sikutanthauza mapeto—ndi chizindikiro choti muime, kulingalira, ndi kumanganso. Funsani thandizo ngati kuli kofunika, lankhulani momasuka, ndipo kumbukirani, ubale uliwonse uyenera kukhala ndi mwayi wochira. Onani maupangiri athu a upangiri ndikupeza chithandizo chomwe mukufuna kuti mukhale ndi mgwirizano wokwanira.

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