Zifukwa 9 Zapamwamba Zomwe Maubwenzi Amalephera

Mukangoyamba chibwenzi chanu, zonse zikuwoneka kuti zikuyenda bwino, ndipo malonjezo akuluakulu a chikondi chosatha omwe mumapanga kwa wina ndi mzake samawoneka ngati kutambasula. Ngakhale kuti maganizo anu otengeka angakuuzeni kuti zinthu zidzakhala choncho popanda kugwira ntchito zambiri, kumvetsa chifukwa chake maubwenzi amalephera n’kofunika ngati mukufuna kudziwa mmene mungapewere zimenezo. 

Ziribe kanthu ngati maubwenzi akulephera pambuyo pa zaka 2 kapena 20, pofika pazifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto m'paradaiso wanu wachikondi mukhoza kuonetsetsa kuti wina wake ndi wotsiriza. Kaya muli pano pazifukwa zodzitetezera kapena kuti muwone ngati ndewu yonyansa yomwe munali nayo ingathe kuthetsa zinthu, kudziwa chifukwa chake maubwenzi amalephera kungathandize. 

Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), yemwe anayambitsa Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa mabanja ndi chithandizo cha mabanja, tiyeni tiwone zifukwa zazikulu zomwe maubwenzi amalephera.

Zifukwa 9 Zapamwamba Zomwe Maubwenzi Amalephera 

Ubale wa Liah ndi Marcus unkawoneka ngati wakupha. Mphatso zambiri, kukakamira, ndi kuthera pafupifupi nthawi yawo yonse pamodzi. Pamapepala ndi kwa abwenzi awo onse, zinkawoneka ngati kuti ubale wa miyezi inayi udzakhala wopambana. 

Komabe, Liah ndi Marcus, pamodzi ndi wina aliyense wowazungulira, alola mfundo imodzi yofunika kuti idutse m'ming'alu - kuti kuyanjana ndi zina mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe maubwenzi amalephera. Moyo wa Liah wosakhulupirira kuti kuli Mulungu komanso wodya nyama sunasangalale ndi Marcus, yemwe anali wokonda zachipembedzo. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, anazindikira kuti sanali ofanana ndi anthu omwe ankawaganizira kuti ndi iwo. 

Anali ataphika zinthu zosiyanasiyana m'mutu mwawo m'malo modziwana bwino. Pamene zinthu zenizeni sizinagwirizane ndi zomwe zinali mumtima mwawo, anadzipeza akusiyana muubwenzi wawo.

Zifukwa zomwe maubale amalephereka amatha kukhala ambiri chifukwa chilichonse chimakhala ndi zovuta zake. Kaya mutha kuthana nazo kapena ayi zili ndi inu kusankha, koma kumvetsetsa zomwe zikuwopseza kwambiri kuposa momwe mumaganizira kuti ndizofunikira. Mndandanda wa zifukwa zoyankhira funso, "Chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera?" adzakuthandizani pa izi:

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1. Chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi ambiri amalephera? Khulupirirani nkhani

Ngati wina angamufunse, "Chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera?", Devaleena akuti amayika nkhani zodalirika pamwamba pagulu. "Ndi chifukwa chachikulu chomwe chimachititsa mikangano komanso vuto lalikulu. Anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la kukhulupirirana amakhala ndi maubwenzi ovuta kwambiri. Ngati sichiyankhidwa, mwayi woti ukhoza kutha ndi waukulu.

“Nkhani zoterozo zingayambidwe ndi zochitika zaposachedwa kapena zam’mbuyo za kuberedwa, kapena kupyola mumkhalidwe wopweteka ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi.” N’kuthekera kokulirapo kuti munthuyo wawona mikangano ya makolo pamene akukula.

“Popeza munthu amene ali ndi vuto la kudalirana nthawi zonse amamva kuti pali chinachake chimene mnzake sakumuuza, zimamuchulukira ndipo zimayambitsa mikangano,” iye akufotokoza. Kuthandiza munthu amene ali ndi vuto la kudalirana n’kofunika ngati mukufuna kupatsa chibwenzi chanu mwayi woti chikhale ndi moyo.

2. Nkhani zogwirizana 

Malinga ndi kafukufuku , kusagwirizana ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe zimatchulidwa kwambiri za chisudzulo. Ayi, sitikutanthauza kusagwirizana pamene Jerry Seinfeld analekana ndi mnzake chifukwa adadya nandolo zake imodzi ndi imodzi mu gawo la Seinfeld . Tikutanthauza mtundu womwe umapangitsa kuti ziwoneke ngati n'zosatheka kukhala ndi wandale wolimbikitsa ufulu wa anthu pamene muli kutali ndi anthu ena komanso m'dziko lanu.

Kugwirizana sikumangonena za kukhala ndi zokonda zofanana, kumakamba za kukhala ndi makhalidwe ofanana, kukhala ndi chilakolako chogwirizana, kukhala ndi njira yofanana ndi yathanzi yothetsera mikangano.Mukapanda kukhala ogwirizana ndi momwe mnzanuyo amachitira kapena kuthana ndi kupsinjika maganizo, kumayambitsa mikangano yosalekeza ndi ndewu, "akutero Devaleena. 

3. Zolinga zosiyanasiyana ndi zofunika kwambiri 

Joanne anatiuza kuti: “Ndinkadziŵa kuti sanafune ana, ndipo mopusa ndinaganiza kuti asintha maganizo ake, kapena kuti zinthu zikhala bwino. “Ndinkafuna kuti ndikhazikike n’kuyamba banja lathu, iye analibe chidwi ndi moyo wakumidzi, chimene chimandipweteka kwambiri n’chakuti atanena kuti apitiriza nane miyezi isanu ndi iwiri ndili ndi pakati, anaona kuti sangalole izi.” 

Magalasi ofiirira omwe mudavala mwangozi kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzi chanu panthawi ya ukwati wanu angakupangitseni kuganiza kuti zolinga zosiyana za moyo zomwe muli nazo zidzasintha. Koma pamene zinthu zikuyamba kuipiraipira, mumazindikira kuti maloto a mnzanu wogula karavani sanali achikale. Kwa iwo, ndi dongosolo labwino kwambiri lopuma pantchito.

Monga momwe zinalili ndi Joanne, yankho la chifukwa chake maubwenzi amalephera pa nthawi ya mimba akhoza kukhala zolinga zosiyana kwambiri zomwe okwatirana adakhazikitsa m'maganizo mwawo.

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4. Kupanda ulemu 

Mwatsoka, zomwe Beatles adalengeza mokoma mtima sizowona. Chikondi sichomwe chimangofunika, ndipo kulemekezana kwambiri ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse, kaya ndi mnzanu wa kuntchito, mnzanu kapena mnzanu wachikondi.

Chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera? Yankho lingakhale kupanda ulemu. Zikawona ngati mnzanu akuchotsa malingaliro kapena malingaliro aliwonse omwe muli nawo chifukwa samakulemekezani kwambiri, zingayambitse mikangano. Ngati zikuwoneka ngati wokondedwa wanu samasamala mokwanira kuti akumvetsereni kapena akulankhula nanu panthawi ya ndewu ngati sangasamale za momwe mawuwo amakupweteketsani, kusowa ulemu kumawonekera. 

Devaleena ananena kuti: “Ngati wina salemekeza mnzake, zingawononge munthu wina.” Nthawi ina, munthu amene akuona kuti sakulemekezedwa akhoza kungodumphadumpha, zomwe zingaoneke ngati kuti kukambirana kulikonse kumasanduka mkangano.” Pazifukwa zonse zimene maukwati amalephereka, kupanda ulemu kungayambitse imodzi mwa njira zoipitsitsa kwambiri zolekana,” anatero Devaleena.

5. Kusakhulupirika kumakhalabe chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe maubwenzi amalephera 

Malinga ndi kafukufuku , pafupifupi 16% ya okwatirana adavomereza kuti adabera okondedwa awo pamene anali m'banja.

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2021, mwa omwe adavomereza kuti adanyenga mnzawo wamkulu, 86% adagawanika nthawi yomweyo kapena atangovomera. Ngakhale zotsatira zake ndi zomveka ndipo mwina munalonjeza kukhulupirika kwa wokondedwa wanu, kusakhulupirika kumakhalabe chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe maubwenzi amalephera m'badwo uno. 

6. Kusalankhulana koopsa 

Chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera? Sikovuta kuona chifukwa chake ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi amakambitsirana za ntchito zapakhomo kapena zimene ayenera kuchita ndi ana. M'maubwenzi achichepere, kusalankhulana kungadziwonekere ngati palibe kukambirana kofunikira komwe kumabweretsa kusamvana pakati pa awiriwo. 

“Nthaŵi zambiri, ndaonapo anthu akupirira kwa zaka zambiri asanazindikire kuti sangathenso kupitiriza ndi kusalankhulana kwa mnzawoyo.” Akhoza kuyesa kukhazikitsa mtendere ndi mmene amaganizira mnzawoyo, osanena zambiri ponena za zimenezo. 

7. Matenda a maganizo 

“Sichifukwa chakuti munthu ali ndi matenda a maganizo, komanso chifukwa cha kuipidwa nawo,” anatero Devaleena, akulongosola kuti yankho la chifukwa chimene maubwenzi amalephera nthaŵi zina lingakhale vuto la maganizo.

Ananenanso kuti: “Nthawi zambiri, chifukwa cha kusalidwa ndi anthu, anthu salankhula za mavuto amene akukumana nawo pa nkhani ya matenda a m’maganizo, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti nkhaniyo siidziwika bwino.” Nkhani zosadziwika bwino za matenda amisala zimasokoneza ubwenzi, ndipo pamapeto pake zimasokoneza. 

Anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la kupsinjika maganizo, nkhawa, BPD kapena NPD kutchula ochepa chabe, amachita zinthu zomwe zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kuti winayo atenge. Izi zimakhala zovuta kwambiri ngati okondedwa awo sakudziwa zomwe akukumana nazo.

Ndizomvetsa chisoni, koma yankho la chifukwa chake maubwenzi amalephera pa nthawi ya mimba, kapena chifukwa chake amalephera, akhoza kukhala chifukwa cha matenda osachiritsika.

Ngati mukuganiza kuti inu kapena mnzanu pakali pano mukudwala matenda amisala omwe akusokoneza ubale wanu, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito za Bonobology lingakuthandizeni kukhala ndi ubale wabwino womwe mukulakalaka.

8. Kuzolowera mopanda thanzi 

"Anthu awiri omwe ali ndi zizolowezi - ngakhale atakhala pazinthu ziwiri kapena zinthu ziwiri zosiyana - amatha kumangokhalira kumangokhalira chizolowezi." Koma ngati munthu yemwe sali chidakwa ali pachibwenzi ndi chidakwa, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri chifukwa kaganizidwe kawo kapena momwe amakhalira ndizosiyana kwambiri ndi mnzake.

Devaleena anati: “Munthu amene sali oledzeretsa zimamuvuta kwambiri kuzolowera moyo wake.” Kaya ndi kumwerekera ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kumwa mowa mwauchidakwa kapena mtundu wina uliwonse wa zizoloŵezi zoipa, zidakali chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zimene maubwenzi amalepherera masiku ano ndipo zakhalapo kale,” akutero Devaleena. 

Kuledzera sikuti nthawi zonse kumakhala ngati kuledzera kwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena mowa. Pa mitundu yonse ya chinyengo , "kubera zinthu" mwina ndi komwe kumapita mosazindikira. Mnzanu akayamba kukonda kwambiri chizolowezi kapena zochita zinazake, zingakhalenso zoopsa. Ndani ankadziwa yankho la funso lakuti, "Chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera?", lingakhalenso chifukwa chakuti mnzanuyo mwadzidzidzi anaganiza zothera maola asanu ndi atatu akuchita chizolowezi chawo chatsopano chokwera njinga.

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9. Kusowa ubwenzi 

Ngati mukuganiza kuti chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera pakatha zaka 7 kapena kuposerapo, kusowa kwaubwenzi kungakhale chifukwa. Devaleena amafotokoza zovuta zomwe zingabweretse, komanso momwe angawathetsere. “Ngakhale kuti kugonana sikuli chinthu chofunika kwambiri paubwenzi, kusowa chikondi m’maganizo ndi m’thupi kungayambitse kupsa mtima, kusakhulupirika, kulankhulana komanso kusadzidalira.

“Munthu akakhala ndi kusakhutira kumeneku kwa nthaŵi yaitali, amakhala ndi mkwiyo waukulu ndi mkwiyo kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake.

"Nthawi zonse, anthu omwe ali ndi vuto losowa ubwenzi amakhala ndi mavuto olankhulana. Pakhoza kukhala kusowa chidwi kapena mawu okhwima. Kukonza kulumikizana ndikofunikira, kuti mukhale osavuta kuyanjana. Imeneyo ndi mbali ina yofunika kwambiri yokonza kusowa kwa ubwenzi, onetsetsani kuti mumatha kukhala osavuta kuyanjana nthawi ndi nthawi."

Kodi Maubwenzi Ambiri Amalephera Pati?

Ngakhale ziwerengero ndi ziwerengero zonse ndizokhazikika, zonse zimalozera ku mfundo yakuti "kuyabwa kwazaka zisanu ndi ziwiri" sikulinso kanthu. M'malo mwake, maubwenzi amalephera mum'badwo uno kale kuposa pamenepo.

Malinga ndi Daily Mail, kafukufuku wa akuluakulu a 1953 UK omwe adathetsa maubwenzi awo adawonetsa kuti maubwenzi ambiri amalephera pambuyo pa zaka 2 ndi miyezi 9. Kafukufuku yemweyo adanenanso kuti maubwenzi amalephera masiku ano chifukwa cha kusokonekera kwa kulumikizana, ndipo ena omwe sakhutitsidwa amadzudzula mwatsatanetsatane malo ochezera a pa Intaneti chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kwa mnzawo kapena kusowa chidwi.

Pazidziwitso zonse ndi maphunziro omwe mungapeze manja anu, chodziwika bwino ndi chakuti maubwenzi ambiri amayamba kulephera pazaka zingapo zoyambirira, ndipo mwayi wosweka umachepetsa kwambiri pamene nthawi ikupita. 

Malinga ndi zomwe zapezeka mu Washington Post , pafupifupi 70% ya anthu osakwatirana omwe ali ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amasweka chaka chawo choyamba. Kaya izi zikuchitika chifukwa chakuti maubwenzi awo amalephera masiku ano chifukwa cha zifukwa zosakhazikika kapena ngati anthu amakonda kuthamangira kukondana ndi anthu ena, nkhaniyi ikukambidwa.

Kutalika kwa ubale wapakati kumadaliranso zaka. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti ubale wa achinyamata umatenga miyezi 5 mpaka zaka 1.8. Kutalika kwa ubale wapakati pa achinyamata azaka 20 ndi pafupifupi zaka 4, malinga ndi Vice. Potsatira zomwe zikuchitika, ubale womwe umachitika pakati pa azaka 30 ndi 50 nthawi zambiri umakhala nthawi yayitali, malinga ndi ziwerengero.

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa kuti palibe chifukwa chofunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani maubwenzi amalephera patatha zaka 7?”, mwina muyenera kuganizira za chifukwa chake maubwenzi amalephera patatha zaka ziwiri. Tsopano popeza mukudziwa yankho la chifukwa chake maubwenzi amalephera, chomwe mukufunikira ndikumvetsetsa zomwe zili zofunika paubwenzi uliwonse , ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita kuti muwukhazikitse. Tikukhulupirira kuti tayamba ulendo wanu wopita ku ubale wabwino.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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