Kulankhula Koyamba Pambuyo Pakutha - Zinthu 8 Zovuta Kukumbukira

Kusweka ndi kovuta. Nkhani yoyamba mukatha kulekana imakhala yovuta. Zingakhale chifukwa chakuti mwakhumudwitsidwa monga momwe munakhulupirira ndipo mukuyembekeza kuti ubalewo udzayenda bwino. Kapena chifukwa munapatukana ndi mawu owawa. Kapena mwina mumakondanabe. Kulankhula ndi munthu wakale patatha miyezi ingapo akutsatira lamulo loti osalumikizana naye kungakhale kovuta chifukwa ndizovuta kwambiri.

Kafukufuku waposachedwapa wachitika ndi anthu 3,512 kuti adziwe ngati maanja adagwirizananso, ndipo ngati adagwirizananso, nthawi yomwe adakhala limodzi, komanso ngati zolinga zawo/malingaliro awo adasintha pakapita nthawi. Zapezeka kuti 15% ya anthu adagwirizanadi ndi wakale wawo, pomwe 14% adagwirizananso kuti angothetsanso chibwenzi, ndipo 70% sanagwirizanenso konse.

Kulankhula Koyamba Pambuyo Pakutha - Zinthu 8 Zovuta Kukumbukira 

Maubwenzi akatha kusudzulana nthawi zambiri amakhala ovuta. Pamakhala malingaliro osathetsedwa, mikangano, ndipo nkhani yokhudza kusudzulana nthawi zonse imakhala yopweteka. Zimapweteka kwambiri ngati simukudziwa momwe mungapitirire popanda kusudzulana. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit amagawana ngati kubwereranso ndi chibwenzi chanu patatha miyezi 6 kapena kuposerapo kuli koyenera. Iwo anati, "Ndinakhala miyezi yoposa isanu ndi umodzi ku North Carolina ndikuganiza kuti chilichonse choipa chomwe ndimaganizapo za ine chinali chowona. Kenako tinayimbira foni kuti tisudzulane. Ndikuganiza kuti zinathetsa kukayikira komwe ndinali nako za ine ndekha, kukana, ndi kusudzulana komweko. Chifukwa chake, zinali zoyenera pankhaniyi."

Pamene mwamuna wanga wakale ankafuna kuyankhulana titasiyana, ndinatenga nthawi ndikusonkhanitsa maganizo anga ndisanaswe pamaso pake. Mofananamo, ngati simunakonzekere, ndiye kuti musakakamize kukambirana. Tsopano pamene mukufunsa kuti, “Mkazi wanga wakale akundilankhulanso, tsopano nditani?”, M’munsimu muli zinthu zina zofunika kukumbukira pa nkhani yoyamba mutatha kutha.

1. N’chifukwa chiyani mukufuna kukambirana zimenezi?

Musanatenge foni yanu ndikuyimba nambala yawo, dzifunseni chifukwa chake mukufunitsitsa kukambirana nawo. Kodi cholinga chocheza ndi ex wanu patatha nthawi yayitali ndi chiyani? Kodi ndichifukwa choti simunakhale ndi zokambirana zotsekera mutasiyana ndipo mukuganiza kuti ino ndi nthawi yoyenera kuti mutseke?

Kodi mukufuna kulumikizananso nawo kuti muyese kukhala mabwenzi? Kapena mukufuna kulankhula nawo chifukwa chakuti mwawasowa ndipo mukufuna kuti abwerenso? Chifukwa chikhoza kukhala chilichonse koma osafikira munthu wakale chifukwa chofuna kugonana nawo. Zimenezo ndi zamwano komanso zosaganizira ena. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Sindikumva Kuti Ndikukondedwa: Zifukwa Ndi Chochita Pa Izi

2. Alembeni mameseji musanawayimbire

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kukumbukira musanalankhule koyamba mutathetsa chibwenzi. Musamuimbire foni mwachindunji. Zimenezo zidzakhala zovuta. Wakale wanu adzadabwa akaona dzina lanu pazenera lawo. Palibe aliyense wa inu amene adzadziwa choti akambirane kapena momwe angayankhire mafunso a wina ndi mnzake. Simukudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi vutoli kapena choti muchite ngati wakale wanu akulankhulani.

Musanawayimbire, tumizani meseji. Yambani mwamwambo, mophweka, komanso mwaubwenzi, ndipo musamangowalembera mameseji ndi kuwakwiyitsa. Maola 24 oyambirira mutatha kusudzulana ndi ofunika kwambiri. Mudzakhala osungulumwa ndipo mudzafuna kupita kukakumana nawo. Osachita zimenezo. Lolani kuti masabata angapo adutse, machiritso achitike kwa nonse inu. Kenako tumizani meseji. M'munsimu muli mafunso oti mufunse wakale wanu patatha nthawi yayitali:

• "Hi Emma, ​​uli bwanji? Ndikungofikira ndikuwona ngati zonse zili bwino"
• "Moni, Kyle. Ndikudziwa kuti izi sizinachitike, koma ndimayembekezera kuti tikambirana mwachangu?"

Ngati sakuyankha, ndiye njira yanu yoti musiye ndikupitilira. 

3. Funsani ngati akufuna kucheza nanu 

Nonse awiri mwatumizirana mameseji uku ndi uku ndipo mwina munayimbirana maulendo angapo, afunseni ngati akufuna kuti mutenge khofi. Onetsani momveka bwino kuti sikukhala tsiku. Anthu awiri okha amakumana khofi. Adziwitseni za moyo wanu ndi mosemphanitsa. 

Pamene mukucheza ndi munthu amene munali naye pachibwenzi patatha miyezi 6 kapena kuposerapo, tengani pang'onopang'ono. Musanene mokweza kuti mukufuna kuti abwererenso. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit anali ndi vuto lakuti 'mkazi wanga akundilankhulanso tsopano chiyani?'. Wogwiritsa ntchito wina anayankha kuti, "Ndikupangira kuti mutenge zinthu pang'onopang'ono, simungangokhala ngati palibe chomwe chachitika - panali kusudzulana pazifukwa zina. Onetsetsani kuti nonse muli ndi lingaliro lomwelo pa zomwe mukufuna, ndipo ngati mukumva kuti simungathe kulankhula za momwe mukumvera chifukwa mukuganiza kuti muwononga zinthu - muyeneranso kukambirana za izi."

4. Nkhani yoyamba mutatha kupatukana - musamasewere mlandu 

Ngati zomwe mukufuna ndikukambirana pambuyo pakutha, pewani masewera olakwa. Pewani kunena mawu ngati "Inu ndi chifukwa chake tinasiyana" chifukwa nkhani zanu zidzakhala zosiyana ndi zakale. Malingaliro anu okhudzana ndi kutha kwawo sangafanane ndipo pamapeto pake mudzakangana. Inu muli ndi udindo wa chimwemwe chanu. Chifukwa chake khalani ndi nkhani yotseka ndikupitilira ngati ndichifukwa chake mukulankhula ndi wakale pakadutsa miyezi.

Ndinawerenga ulusi wa Reddit womwe unandipangitsa kusiya kuimba mlandu wakale wanga. Wogwiritsa ntchito wina anati, "Mnzanga wakale anandiimba mlandu chifukwa cha kusudzulana konse, kundipangitsa kumva ngati ndasweka, kuti sindinali woyenera kukondedwa. Mpaka lero akundiuza zinthu zoipa kuti iye si vuto, koma ndine amene ndinayambitsa mavuto onse muubwenzi, kuti ndinawononga chinthu chabwino ... nthawi zonse ankadziona ngati mnzawo wangwiro, kuti sangachite cholakwika. Sindikudziwa momwe ndingachiritsire chifukwa zimandivutitsabe..."

5. Musawachititse nsanje kapena kuchita nsanje 

Kuonana ndi wakale wanu patatha nthawi yayitali sikophweka. Kaya mukufuna kukhala naye paubwenzi kapena mukufuna kubwererana, musayese kuwapangitsa kumva nsanje mwa kuwauza kuchuluka kwa anthu omwe mudakumana nawo kapena omwe mudagona nawo mutathetsa chibwenzi. Zidzabweretsa mavuto ambiri mtsogolo ngati ali okonzeka kukonza kapena kusintha momwe mumakhalira. Kuyesa kuchititsa wakale wanu kumva nsanje ndi kupusa kwambiri.

Ndikafuna kumuchitira nsanje mkazi wanga wakale, ndinafikira mnzanga Amber. Iye anayankha mosapita m’mbali kuti: “N’chifukwa chiyani ukufuna kuchita zimenezi? Anthu ena amachita nsanje akaona mkazi wawo wakale akusangalala pambuyo pothetsa banja. Ngati ndi chifukwa chake mukufuna kuti mukambirane koyamba mukatha kutha, ndiye kuti ndi nthawi yoti mufufuze pang'ono. M'munsimu muli njira zina zomwe mungapambane ndi wakale wanu ndikupitiriza:

• Vomerezani nsanje 
• Sinkhasinkha 
• Phunzirani kudzikonda nokha 
• Dulani kukhudzana ndi wakale, ngati n'kotheka
• Dzichiritseni mwa kulola nsanje yanu ikuphunzitseni zomwe mukufuna: chikondi, kutsimikiziridwa, chidwi, ndi zina zotero.
• Kwezani ulemu wanu ndi kudziona kukhala wofunika

6. Landirani kulakwitsa kwanu/vomera kupepesa kwawo 

Tonsefe timalakwitsa. Nthawi zina timakhumudwitsa okondedwa athu ngakhale titayesetsa kuwachitira chifundo. Ngati mukuonana ndi wakale wanu patatha nthawi yayitali ndipo mwachita chinthu choipa kwambiri kuti muwapweteke, ndiye kuti muyenera kupeza njira zopepesera kwa iwo moona mtima. Mnzanga Amira, yemwe ndi katswiri wa zakuthambo, anati, "Ngati munalekana ndi mnzanu koma mukumva chisoni, pemphani nthawi yomweyo chifukwa maola 24 oyamba mutatha kulekana nthawi zambiri amasankha tsogolo la chibwenzicho. Mukadikira nthawi yayitali kuti mubwererenso, zimakhala zovuta kuti mubwererenso."

Kapena mwinamwake nthawi yayitali yadutsa ndipo mnzanuyo akufuna kuti muthe kukambirana mutatha kupatukana. Ngati apepesa chifukwa cha ululu umene anakukhumudwitsani, musawanyoze kapena kulankhula mawu achipongwe ponena za khalidwe lawo. Pokhapokha ngati anakuchitirani nkhanza, khalani odekha m’nkhani yoyamba imeneyi pambuyo pa kulekana, ndipo yesani kuvomereza kupepesa kwawo.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Mungamuuze Bwanji Mtsikana Kuti Mukufuna Ubwenzi Naye Popanda Kukanidwa?

7. Khalani owona mtima

Kodi mungalankhule bwanji ndi ex wanu patapita nthawi yayitali? Khalani owona mtima kwa iwo. Pamene mwamuna wanu wakale akufuna kuyankhulana pambuyo posudzulana, auzeni kuti mukuchita manyazi chifukwa chowachitira nkhanza. Auzeni kuti mukumva kuwawa komanso kukwiya ndi momwe adakunyengelerani ndikukukwiyitsani. Muziyankha pa zolakwa zanu. Ngati sachita chimodzimodzi, musavutike kuwasunga m'moyo wanu, kaya ngati bwenzi kapena mnzanu.

Ndinamuuza bwenzi langa, "Ex wanga akufuna kulankhula nane tsopano, nditani?" Iye anati: “Muzifotokoza moona mtima mmene mukumvera. Ngati mukufuna kubwereranso, kambiranani nawo ndi kuthetsa nkhanizo.

8. Landirani chisankho chawo 

Ngati m’nkhani yoyamba mutathetsa banja, akuuzani kuti sakufunani m’moyo wawo, vomerezani zimene asankha. Simungakakamize wina kulankhula nanu, kukhala mabwenzi, kapena kukukondani. Ngati iwo akufuna inu mu moyo wawo, iwo akanati izo zichitike. Adzavomereza zolakwa zanu, ndi zawo.

Koma ngati nonse mukufuna kubwererana, choyamba, konzani mavuto omwe adayambitsa kusudzulana. Mavuto osathetsedwa nthawi zonse amakhala ngati chotchinga pakati pa inu nonse awiri. Ngati mukufuna mafunso ofunika oti mufunse wakale wanu patatha nthawi yayitali, ndiye kuti pali zitsanzo zotsatirazi:

• Mukunong'oneza bondo chifukwa chosiyana nane?  
• Mukuganiza titha kubwererana? 
• Kodi muli pamtendere popanda ine?
• Kodi munathana bwanji ndi chibwenzicho?
• Kodi mwasiya kundikonda?
• Mukuganiza kuti taphunzirapo kalikonse pakutha kumeneku?

Ngati wakale wanu akufuna kulankhula mutatha kutha, musathamangire kuganiza kuti akufuna kubwererana. Mwina akungoyang'anani za inu, kapena akufuna chisomo kuchokera kwa inu, kapena choyipitsitsa, akufuna kuti azilumikizana nanu. Muyenera kutsimikizira kuti nkhani yoyamba pambuyo pa kusudzulana imayenda bwino, mwamphamvu, ndi mwachisomo monga momwe kungathekere. 

Ibibazo

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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