Mwa mwayi uliwonse, ngati mwawerenga buku lakale la Charles Dickens, Zoyembekeza Zambiri, ndiye kuti mumadziwana ndi Abiti Havisham. Iye ndi mkazi wolemera, amene akukonzekera kukhala moyo wake mu diresi laukwati chifukwa iye anasiyidwa pa guwa ndi bwenzi lake. Ngati ndinu munthu amene munalinso ndi chikondi, mukhoza kumva chisoni chake. Izi zikutanthauza kuti mukuganizirabe momwe mungasiyire munthu yemwe mumamukonda.
Sikophweka kusiya munthu amene amamukonda kwambiri. Ndiponsotu, kusweka mtima kungakusiyeni ndi chilonda chimene simuchichiwona koma chopweteka kwambiri ngati kubala kapena kuwawa kowawa. Koma, moyo uyenera kupitirira. Sitingakhale ndi zowawa zofooketsa kapena zipsera za chikondi kwamuyaya. Pali kukhwima kwinakwake mu machiritso, komwe kumabwera pakapita nthawi.
Ngati ndinu lovelorn, simungangophunzira kusiya munthu yemwe mumamukonda nthawi yomweyo. Monga akunena, kupitilira ndi luso ndipo tikuthandizani kumvetsetsa malangizo ndi zidule zake, ndi chidziwitso kuchokera kwa katswiri wazamisala. Kranti Momin (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito wa CBT ndipo amachitapo kanthu pothetsa nkhani za ubale.
Kodi Muyenera Kusiya Liti Munthu Amene Mumamukonda?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Yerekezerani kuti mwanyamula chingwe chonenepa chomangirira ku mpira wosweka. Pamene imachoka kwa inu, chingwecho chimasiya kumbuyo kwa fupa lofiira ndi zowawa zambiri. Zikawawa chonchi ndi nthawi yoti musiye munthu amene mumamukonda yemwe samakukondani.
Mutha kumva kukopa uku nthawi zambiri, mwachitsanzo, ngati zosowa zanu sizikukwaniritsidwa muubwenzi. Munthu aliyense ali ndi zoyembekeza zosiyanasiyana zomwe ziyenera kukwaniritsidwa muubwenzi - zitha kukhala zokhudzana ndi malingaliro monga kuthera nthawi yabwino limodzi kapena zothandiza monga kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama. Zosowa izi zikanyalanyazidwa, ndi nthawi yolankhula ndi okondedwa wanu. Koma, ngati atakhalabe osasamala, mwina ndi nthawi yoti muphunzire kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda.
Irene, mphunzitsi wa kusukulu ya ana aang’ono, sanadziŵe kwa nthaŵi yaitali kuti zosoŵa zake zinali zosakwaniritsidwa kwenikweni muubwenzi wake. Kufufuza kwina ndi a mlangizi anamupindulira pomvetsetsa momwe ubale wake ukuyendera.
"Ndinadzifunsa funso losavuta - ndani amene ndimatembenukira kuti ndimuuze za kukwezedwa kapena chinthu choyipa. Sinali mnzanga koma anzanga. Zinali zomvetsa chisoni, "adatero Irene. Komanso, adadzipeza akuulula zambiri za "mwamuna wake wantchito", yemwe amamvetsera kwambiri zomwe anali kunena kuposa mnzake.
Iye anati: “Ndinakopeka kwambiri ndi chibwenzi changa ndi mnzangayo moti ndinayamba kukhulupirira kuti umbuli wake unali chizindikiro cha chitonthozo, koma zinali zovuta kupitiriza.
Kranti ananena kuti ndi bwino kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda amene sakukondani zisanakhudze thanzi lanu ndi maganizo anu. "Ganizo lopita patsogolo likhoza kukhala lolemetsa poyamba koma ndi njira yomwe munthu ayenera kuyandikira mosamala," anawonjezera.
Momwe Mungasiyire Munthu Amene Mumakonda - Malangizo 9 Akatswiri
Kranti anati: “Chikondi chosayenerera chingachititse munthu kukhumudwa ndiponso kupsa mtima.” Maganizo olemetsawa asanakugwetseni m'zambiri zamaganizidwe, ndikwanzeru kuti mupeze chithandizo. Pezani mpweya wabwino ndikuganizira zomwe mukufuna kuchita pamoyo wanu mutasiya munthu amene sangakhale nanu. Masomphenya amtsogolo popanda munthu wanu wapadera angawoneke ngati chipululu poyamba, koma mukhoza kulimanso m'munda mothandizidwa ndi malangizo angapo omwe Kranti akusonyeza.
Iye anati: “Yesani kulankhula ndi anzanu ndi achibale anu mmene mukumvera ndipo fufuzani bwinobwino zimene mukuganiza kuti sizikuyenda bwino. Mwachidule, kwezani masokosi anu. Tsopano, palimodzi tiyeni tikambirane njira zingapo za momwe mungasiye munthu amene mumamukonda. Chifukwa, owerenga anga okondedwa, ambiri a ife takhala ndi zowawa zapamtima ndipo sitinasiye kukhala ndi moyo pamene timasiya munthu yemwe timamukonda pambuyo posiyana.
1. Snip kukhudzana kwathunthu
Pambuyo pakutha, osavulaza kutsata kwa ex ikhoza kukhala chizoloŵezi chodziwononga. Chifukwa chake, gwiritsani ntchito njira yochotsa ikafika nthawi yoti mulole wina apite zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri kwa inu. Tsekani ndikuchotsa nambala yawo ndikuwatulutsa m'magulu anu ochezera.
"Ndikanakonda ndikadachotsa kupezeka kwa digito kwa Melinda m'moyo wanga," atero Sean, katswiri wa mapulogalamu, ndikuwonjezera kuti, "Titangosiyana, ndimakonda kumangoyang'ana maakaunti ake mosalekeza komanso kuyang'ana ali pa intaneti. Ndidayamba kupanga moyo wake m'malingaliro mwanga malinga ndi kupezeka kwake pakompyuta. foni - ngakhale zolemba zakale."
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2. Dalirani anzanu ndi achibale anu
Kodi munayesapo kusiya munthu koma zimakupwetekani? Kodi mwavala magalasi owoneka bwino, okhala ndi zokumbukira zakale? "Yakwana nthawi yoti muchotse magalasi achikondi amenewo ndikupeza malingaliro kuchokera kwa abwenzi ndi abale," adatero Kranti.
Ndikofunikira kukhala ndi anthu ena oti muwauze zakukhosi mukayenera kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda yemwe ali ndi poizoni. Mukakhala pampando ndi kulira kapena kukhala mu bar kumwa zowawa zanu, mudzafunika anzanu ndi achibale. Kupatula apo, adzakuthandizani kupeza malingaliro ndi kupenda zenizeni.
Ngati muyenera kusiya munthu amene samakukondani komanso chikondi chosafunsidwa wakuyikani pachimake pamalingaliro anu, anthu omwe akuzungulirani angakuthandizeni kukutsimikizirani kuti zomwe mukumva sizili "zokokomeza" kapena "zopenga".
3. Dzisamalireni nokha
Ndikosavuta kuiwala kudzisamalira nokha mukasiya munthu amene mumamukonda mutatha kupatukana. Monga momwe amasonyezera m’mafilimu, mukhoza kumangovala zovala zachikwama, tsitsi lokhala ndi dothi, ndi dziwe lonunkha. Chisoni ndi zauve ndi abwenzi omwe simukufuna kukhala pafupi nanu kwa nthawi yayitali kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino.
Chifukwa chake, mothandizidwa ndi anzanu kapena achibale anu, tulukani. Tengani masitepe amwana - yambani ndikuyenda m'paki kuti mupume mpweya wabwino ngati mukuyesera kutero thetsa kutha kwanu. Pamapeto pake, idyani chakudya chomwe mumakonda, pitani ku malo omwe amakupangitsani kumva bwino, kapena mutengere zomwe simunayesepo. Ngakhale kuti zimenezi sizingakupangitseni kukhala osangalala kotheratu, mukhoza kumva chisoni chochepa.
4. Kodi mungaleke bwanji munthu amene mumamukonda? Yesani kulemba
Kutha kwa banja, mwina simudziwa nthawi yomweyo momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda. Mutha kusinkhasinkha zomwe zidalakwika - zimachitika kwambiri pakudzimvera chisoni. Malingaliro awa amafunikira mpweya ndipo muyenera kufotokoza nkhani yanu yonse kuyambira pachiyambi zomwe zidakufikitsani pano pomwe muyenera kutero. kusiya munthu mumakonda mutatha kupatukana. Bwanji osayesa dzanja lanu polemba magazini? Kufotokozera nkhani yanu m'mphepete mwamasamba - popanda kuweruzidwa - ndi njira yabwino yotsegulira.
Kulemba pang'ono za nkhani yanu yosweka mtima kungakuthandizeni kuti mumveke bwino. Mukhozanso kuona momwe mwapitira patsogolo pazaka zambiri poyang'ananso zolemba zakale za magazini yanu. Ngati mupitiliza chizolowezi ichi, chingakuthandizeni kukhala ndi malingaliro ochulukirapo pa nkhani yanu, kukulumikizani ndi zakale mosiyanasiyana, ndikuyambitsa machiritso.
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5. Khalani ndi chizolowezi chochita masewera olimbitsa thupi
Mukayenera kusiya munthu amene mumam’konda amene sangakhale nanu, pamapeto pake mungakhumudwe, ndipo monga momwe Kranti ananenera kuti zingakukhudzeni mwakuthupi. Pakhoza kukhala kutopa kosalekeza, kukukokerani ku kuya kwa kuthedwa nzeru. Kupweteka kwa kusweka mtima kwanu kungatanthauze kuwawa kwa minofu. Ngati iyamba kumverera molimba kwambiri, ndi nthawi yoti mugunde njanji yothamanga kapena masewera olimbitsa thupi. Ndilo mpweya wabwino kwambiri wachisokonezo umene umapangitsa kuti chifuwa chanu chikhale cholemera.
Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kungakuthandizeninso kumanganso chithunzi chanu m'maso mwanu. Mukawona umboni wowoneka bwino - thupi lowoneka bwino - mutha kukhala ndi chiyembekezo ndikutsata zinthu zambiri zomwe pamapeto pake zingakutulutseni mumkhalidwe wokhumudwa. Koma kuti mufike pamlingo uwu, muyenera kutenga sitepe yoyamba, yokulirakulirapo kuti musankhe kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi ndi kumamatira.
6. Tayani zikumbutso
Aaron, mphunzitsi wa masewera osakanikirana a karati, pang'onopang'ono anataya mphatso zonse ndi katundu amene mnzake, Sayra, anasiya pamene anasiyana. Koma, sanathe kuchotsa chipewa cha Iran chomwe adamupatsa kumayambiriro kwa ubale wawo. Iye anati: “Ndinali nditaikonda pamene ndinaiona koyamba ndipo anaigula mosaganizira n’komwe.
Koma idazimiririka kwa zaka zitatu muzovala za Aaron zitatha. Sanavale koma kungoyang'ana mu wardrobe yake nthawi zonse kumamukumbutsa za Sayra mowawa zomwe nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa malingaliro osayenera.
Tsiku lina, mphwake wa Aroni anaona chipewacho n’kunena kuti anachikonda, choncho Aroni anam’patsa. Iye anati: “Zinali ngati kutseka kwa ine chifukwa sindinataiya, koma ndinaipereka kwa munthu amene anaikonda.” Choncho, posiyana nayo, sindinanyoze maganizo a mphatso yapaderayi.
Ngakhale kutaya ma mementos ndi njira yanthawi yomweyo, ngati mukufuna kutseka pang'ono, yamikirani lingaliro la mphatsoyo pamene inapatsidwa kwa inu. Komanso perekani mphatsoyo. Pezani nyumba yamuyaya.
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7. Declutter kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda pambuyo pothetsa chibwenzi
Decluttering ndi ntchito yokhutiritsa kwambiri. Ngati mumaganizirabe momwe mungasiyire munthu yemwe mumamukonda pambuyo pake kutha koyipa, pali kuthekera pang'ono kuti simunathe kusamalira chipinda chanu kapena nyumba yanu. Mwanjira ina, danga lanu likhoza kuwonetsa malingaliro anu ogwedezeka - likhoza kuwoneka losalinganizidwa komanso lodzaza. Yakwana nthawi yothetsa chisokonezo ichi.
Yambani ndi zosokoneza pa desiki, konzekerani zolembera mu chotengera, ikani mabuku pachoyikapo, ndikulemba mapepala osokerawo. Fumbitsani mashelefu anu, tsacheni pansi, yeretsani makapeti anu ndiyeno kolopani chilichonse ndi chotsukira pansi chosangalatsa. Kuyeretsa malo kungakupangitseni kumva kuti mwatsopano. Ikhozanso kusintha maganizo anu.
8. Yambani maukonde kuti mupitirire ndikuyamba mwatsopano
Pamene mukukonzekera momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda, yang'anani pa zinthu zomwe mumachita bwino kwambiri - zitha kukhala zosangalatsa kapena ntchito yanu. Ndiyeno ganizirani, kodi pali njira yochitira zinthu zimenezo bwinoko? Ngati muli ndi yankho lachiyembekezo, ndi nthawi yoti muyambe kugwiritsa ntchito intaneti. Kumanani ndi anthu ambiri omwe amapititsa patsogolo zokonda zanu.
Kutuluka kunja ndi kumva malingaliro atsopano kungakhale kosokoneza kwambiri makamaka ngati mukuyesera kutero kuthetsa ubale wapoizoni. Mutha kuyamba kumvetsetsa momwe mumavutikira muubwenzi wanu wapoizoni komanso kuvomereza ufulu watsopano wamalingaliro anu.
Ndipo ndani akudziwa kuti mutha kupeza wina wosangalatsa. Zikatero, perekani chikondi mwayi wachiwiri. Osachita mantha kwambiri kapena kukayikira. Koma, samalani polowa muubwenzi wotsatira.
9. Pomaliza, musaope kufunsa mlangizi momwe mungasiye munthu amene mumamukonda
Mlangizi sakhala patali kwambiri ngati mwathedwa nzeru ndi lingaliro la momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda. WeNgati mukufunadi thandizo zikutanthauza kuti mwavomereza kuti mukumva zowawa komanso kuti mukufunika chithandizo - chimenecho ndi chiyambi chabwino. Therapy ikhoza kukuthandizani kuzindikira malingaliro anu ndikupeza njira yopita patsogolo. Ndi unyinji wa odziwa, achirengedwe chilolezo Chithunzi cha Bonobologyl, thandizo likungodinanso pang'ono.
Ingokumbukirani pamene mukusiya wina koma zimakupwetekani, machiritso ndi njira yayitali komanso yophunzirira. Khalani wodekha ndi wodekha ndi inu nokha. Dzikhululukireni chifukwa chokhumudwa ndikuchita zolakwa ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo khalani ndi chikhulupiriro kuti simungabwereze zakale. Zomwe mumakumana nazo pamene mukusiya munthu amene mumamukonda yemwe sangakhale nanu ndizo zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala wanzeru.
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