Mwanjira ina iliyonse, ngati mwawerengapo buku lakale la Charles Dickens, Great Expectations , ndiye kuti mukudziwa bwino za Abiti Havisham. Ndi mkazi wolemera, yemwe akukonzekera kukhala moyo wake atavala diresi laukwati chifukwa adasiyidwa paguwa ndi mkwatibwi wake. Ngati ndinu munthu amene nayenso adasiyidwa pachibwenzi, mwina mungamve chisoni chake. Zimenezi zikusonyeza kuti mukuyesetsabe kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mumamukonda.
Sikophweka kusiya munthu amene amamukonda kwambiri. Ndiponsotu, kusweka mtima kungakusiyeni ndi chilonda chimene simuchichiwona koma chopweteka kwambiri ngati kubala kapena kuwawa kowawa. Koma, moyo uyenera kupitirira. Sitingakhale ndi zowawa zofooketsa kapena zipsera za chikondi kwamuyaya. Pali kukhwima kwinakwake mu machiritso, komwe kumabwera pakapita nthawi.
Ngati muli ndi chibwenzi, simungaphunzire momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda nthawi yomweyo. Monga momwe amanenera, kupita patsogolo ndi luso ndipo tidzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa malangizo ndi njira zake, ndi malingaliro ochokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Kranti Momin (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito ya CBT ndipo ndi katswiri wodziwa kuthetsa mavuto a ubale.
Kodi Muyenera Kusiya Liti Munthu Amene Mumamukonda?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Yerekezerani kuti mwanyamula chingwe chonenepa chomangirira ku mpira wosweka. Pamene imachoka kwa inu, chingwecho chimasiya kumbuyo kwa fupa lofiira ndi zowawa zambiri. Zikawawa chonchi ndi nthawi yoti musiye munthu amene mumamukonda yemwe samakukondani.
Mutha kumva kukopa uku nthawi zambiri, mwachitsanzo, ngati zosowa zanu sizikukwaniritsidwa muubwenzi. Munthu aliyense ali ndi zoyembekeza zosiyanasiyana zomwe ziyenera kukwaniritsidwa muubwenzi - zitha kukhala zokhudzana ndi malingaliro monga kuthera nthawi yabwino limodzi kapena zothandiza monga kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama. Zosowa izi zikanyalanyazidwa, ndi nthawi yolankhula ndi okondedwa wanu. Koma, ngati atakhalabe osasamala, mwina ndi nthawi yoti muphunzire kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda.
Irene, mphunzitsi wa sukulu ya ana aang'ono, kwa nthawi yayitali sanadziwe kuti zosowa zake sizinakwaniritsidwe muubwenzi wake. Kudzifufuza pang'ono ndi uphungu zinamuthandiza kumvetsetsa momwe ubale wake unali kukulirakulira.
"Ndinadzifunsa funso losavuta - ndani amene ndimatembenukira kuti ndimuuze za kukwezedwa kapena chinthu choyipa. Sinali mnzanga koma anzanga. Zinali zomvetsa chisoni, "adatero Irene. Komanso, adadzipeza akuulula zambiri za "mwamuna wake wantchito", yemwe amamvetsera kwambiri zomwe anali kunena kuposa mnzake.
Iye anati: “Ndinakopeka kwambiri ndi chibwenzi changa ndi mnzangayo moti ndinayamba kukhulupirira kuti umbuli wake unali chizindikiro cha chitonthozo, koma zinali zovuta kupitiriza.
Kranti anati ndi bwino kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda amene sakukondani asanayambe kukhudza thanzi lanu la thupi ndi la maganizo. "Lingaliro loti musinthe zinthu lingakhale lovuta poyamba koma ndi njira yomwe munthu ayenera kuiganizira mosamala," anawonjezera.
Momwe Mungasiyire Munthu Amene Mumakonda - Malangizo 9 Akatswiri
Kranti anati: “Chikondi chosayenerera chingachititse munthu kukhumudwa ndiponso kupsa mtima.” Maganizo olemetsawa asanakugwetseni m'zambiri zamaganizidwe, ndikwanzeru kuti mupeze chithandizo. Pezani mpweya wabwino ndikuganizira zomwe mukufuna kuchita pamoyo wanu mutasiya munthu amene sangakhale nanu. Masomphenya amtsogolo popanda munthu wanu wapadera angawoneke ngati chipululu poyamba, koma mukhoza kulimanso m'munda mothandizidwa ndi malangizo angapo omwe Kranti akusonyeza.
Iye anati: “Yesani kulankhula ndi anzanu ndi achibale anu mmene mukumvera ndipo fufuzani bwinobwino zimene mukuganiza kuti sizikuyenda bwino. Mwachidule, kwezani masokosi anu. Tsopano, palimodzi tiyeni tikambirane njira zingapo za momwe mungasiye munthu amene mumamukonda. Chifukwa, owerenga anga okondedwa, ambiri a ife takhala ndi zowawa zapamtima ndipo sitinasiye kukhala ndi moyo pamene timasiya munthu yemwe timamukonda pambuyo posiyana.
1. Snip kukhudzana kwathunthu
Pambuyo pa kusudzulana, kutsatana ndi wakale wakale kungakhale chizolowezi chodzivulaza. Chifukwa chake, yesani njira yochotsera nthawi ikakwana yoti mulole munthu wina apite yemwe ndi wofunika kwambiri kwa inu. Tsekani ndi kuchotsa nambala yake ndikumuchotsa m'mabwalo anu ochezera.
"Ndikanakonda ndikadachotsa kupezeka kwa digito kwa Melinda m'moyo wanga," atero Sean, katswiri wa mapulogalamu, ndikuwonjezera kuti, "Titangosiyana, ndimakonda kumangoyang'ana maakaunti ake mosalekeza komanso kuyang'ana ali pa intaneti. Ndidayamba kupanga moyo wake m'malingaliro mwanga malinga ndi kupezeka kwake pakompyuta. foni - ngakhale zolemba zakale."
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2. Dalirani anzanu ndi achibale anu
Kodi munayesapo kusiya munthu koma zimakupwetekani? Kodi mwavala magalasi owoneka bwino, okhala ndi zokumbukira zakale? "Yakwana nthawi yoti muchotse magalasi achikondi amenewo ndikupeza malingaliro kuchokera kwa abwenzi ndi abale," adatero Kranti.
Ndikofunikira kukhala ndi anthu ena oti muwauze zakukhosi mukayenera kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda yemwe ali ndi poizoni. Mukakhala pampando ndi kulira kapena kukhala mu bar kumwa zowawa zanu, mudzafunika anzanu ndi achibale. Kupatula apo, adzakuthandizani kupeza malingaliro ndi kupenda zenizeni.
Ngati muyenera kusiya munthu amene sakukondani ndipo chikondi chosabwezera chakupangitsani kukhala pampando wamtima wanu, anthu omwe ali pafupi nanu angakuthandizeni kukutsimikizirani kuti zomwe mukumva sizokokomeza kapena "zamisala".
3. Dzisamalireni nokha
Ndikosavuta kuiwala kudzisamalira nokha mukasiya munthu amene mumamukonda mutatha kupatukana. Monga momwe amasonyezera m’mafilimu, mukhoza kumangovala zovala zachikwama, tsitsi lokhala ndi dothi, ndi dziwe lonunkha. Chisoni ndi zauve ndi abwenzi omwe simukufuna kukhala pafupi nanu kwa nthawi yayitali kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino.
Choncho, mothandizidwa ndi anzanu kapena abale anu, tulukani. Tengani masitepe a mwana - yambani ndi kuyenda m'paki kuti mupeze mpweya wabwino ngati mukuyesera kuthetsa kusudzulana kwanu . Pomaliza pake, idyani chakudya chomwe mumakonda, pitani kumalo omwe amakupangitsani kumva bwino, kapena phunzirani chizolowezi chomwe simunachiyesepo. Ngakhale izi sizingakupangitseni kukhala osangalala kwathunthu, simungamve chisoni kwambiri.
4. Kodi mungaleke bwanji munthu amene mumamukonda? Yesani kulemba
Mukatha kusudzulana, simungadziwe nthawi yomweyo momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda. Mungaganizire zomwe zinalakwika - zimachitika nthawi zambiri mukakhala ndi chisoni. Maganizo amenewa amafunika kuchotsedwa ndipo muyenera kufotokoza nkhani yanu yonse kuyambira pachiyambi chomwe chinakupangitsani kuti musiye munthu amene mumamukonda mutatha kusudzulana. Bwanji osayesa kulemba buku lanu? Kufotokoza nkhani yanu m'mapepala - popanda kumva kuti mwaweruzidwa - ndi njira yabwino yotsegulira nkhani yanu.
Kulemba pang'ono za nkhani yanu yosweka mtima kungakuthandizeni kuti mumveke bwino. Mukhozanso kuona momwe mwapitira patsogolo pazaka zambiri poyang'ananso zolemba zakale za magazini yanu. Ngati mupitiliza chizolowezi ichi, chingakuthandizeni kukhala ndi malingaliro ochulukirapo pa nkhani yanu, kukulumikizani ndi zakale mosiyanasiyana, ndikuyambitsa machiritso.
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5. Khalani ndi chizolowezi chochita masewera olimbitsa thupi
Mukayenera kusiya munthu amene mumam’konda amene sangakhale nanu, pamapeto pake mungakhumudwe, ndipo monga momwe Kranti ananenera kuti zingakukhudzeni mwakuthupi. Pakhoza kukhala kutopa kosalekeza, kukukokerani ku kuya kwa kuthedwa nzeru. Kupweteka kwa kusweka mtima kwanu kungatanthauze kuwawa kwa minofu. Ngati iyamba kumverera molimba kwambiri, ndi nthawi yoti mugunde njanji yothamanga kapena masewera olimbitsa thupi. Ndilo mpweya wabwino kwambiri wachisokonezo umene umapangitsa kuti chifuwa chanu chikhale cholemera.
Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kungakuthandizeninso kumanganso chithunzi chanu m'maso mwanu. Mukawona umboni wowoneka bwino - thupi lowoneka bwino - mutha kukhala ndi chiyembekezo ndikutsata zinthu zambiri zomwe pamapeto pake zingakutulutseni mumkhalidwe wokhumudwa. Koma kuti mufike pamlingo uwu, muyenera kutenga sitepe yoyamba, yokulirakulirapo kuti musankhe kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi ndi kumamatira.
6. Tayani zikumbutso
Aaron, mphunzitsi wa masewera osakanikirana a karati, pang'onopang'ono anataya mphatso zonse ndi katundu amene mnzake, Sayra, anasiya pamene anasiyana. Koma, sanathe kuchotsa chipewa cha Iran chomwe adamupatsa kumayambiriro kwa ubale wawo. Iye anati: “Ndinali nditaikonda pamene ndinaiona koyamba ndipo anaigula mosaganizira n’komwe.
Koma idazimiririka kwa zaka zitatu muzovala za Aaron zitatha. Sanavale koma kungoyang'ana mu wardrobe yake nthawi zonse kumamukumbutsa za Sayra mowawa zomwe nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa malingaliro osayenera.
Tsiku lina, mphwake wa Aroni anaona chipewacho n’kunena kuti anachikonda, choncho Aroni anam’patsa. Iye anati: “Zinali ngati kutseka kwa ine chifukwa sindinataiya, koma ndinaipereka kwa munthu amene anaikonda.” Choncho, posiyana nayo, sindinanyoze maganizo a mphatso yapaderayi.
Ngakhale kutaya ma mementos ndi njira yanthawi yomweyo, ngati mukufuna kutseka pang'ono, yamikirani lingaliro la mphatsoyo pamene inapatsidwa kwa inu. Komanso perekani mphatsoyo. Pezani nyumba yamuyaya.
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7. Declutter kusiya munthu amene mumamukonda pambuyo pothetsa chibwenzi
Kuchotsa zinthu m'nyumba ndi njira yokhutiritsa kwambiri. Ngati mukuganizabe momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda pambuyo poti mwasudzulana kwambiri , pali kuthekera pang'ono kuti simunathe kusamalira chipinda chanu kapena nyumba yanu. Mwanjira ina, malo anu angayambe kuwonetsa malingaliro anu odzaza - angawoneke osakonzedwa bwino komanso odzaza. Yakwana nthawi yoti muthetse chisokonezochi.
Yambani ndi zosokoneza pa desiki, konzekerani zolembera mu chotengera, ikani mabuku pachoyikapo, ndikulemba mapepala osokerawo. Fumbitsani mashelefu anu, tsacheni pansi, yeretsani makapeti anu ndiyeno kolopani chilichonse ndi chotsukira pansi chosangalatsa. Kuyeretsa malo kungakupangitseni kumva kuti mwatsopano. Ikhozanso kusintha maganizo anu.
8. Yambani maukonde kuti mupitirire ndikuyamba mwatsopano
Pamene mukukonzekera momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda, yang'anani pa zinthu zomwe mumachita bwino kwambiri - zitha kukhala zosangalatsa kapena ntchito yanu. Ndiyeno ganizirani, kodi pali njira yochitira zinthu zimenezo bwinoko? Ngati muli ndi yankho lachiyembekezo, ndi nthawi yoti muyambe kugwiritsa ntchito intaneti. Kumanani ndi anthu ambiri omwe amapititsa patsogolo zokonda zanu.
Kutuluka kunja ndikumva malingaliro atsopano kungakhale kosokoneza maganizo makamaka ngati mukuyesera kuthetsa chibwenzi choopsa . Mungayambe kumvetsetsa momwe munaliri opsinjika maganizo muubwenzi wanu woopsa komanso kuzindikira ufulu watsopano wa malingaliro anu.
Ndipo ndani akudziwa kuti mutha kupeza wina wosangalatsa. Zikatero, perekani chikondi mwayi wachiwiri. Osachita mantha kwambiri kapena kukayikira. Koma, samalani polowa muubwenzi wotsatira.
9. Pomaliza, musaope kufunsa mlangizi momwe mungasiye munthu amene mumamukonda
Mlangizi sali kutali kwambiri ngati mwatopa kwambiri ndi lingaliro la momwe mungasiyire munthu amene mumamukonda. Ngati mukufunadi thandizo zikutanthauza kuti mwavomereza kuti mukumva ululu ndipo mukufuna thandizo - chimenecho ndi chiyambi chabwino. Chithandizo chingakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa momwe mukumvera ndikupeza njira yopitira patsogolo. Ndi akatswiri ambiri odziwa bwino ntchito komanso ovomerezeka pa gulu la Bonobology , thandizo limangopezeka pang'ono.
Ingokumbukirani pamene mukusiya wina koma zimakupwetekani, machiritso ndi njira yayitali komanso yophunzirira. Khalani wodekha ndi wodekha ndi inu nokha. Dzikhululukireni chifukwa chokhumudwa ndikuchita zolakwa ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo khalani ndi chikhulupiriro kuti simungabwereze zakale. Zomwe mumakumana nazo pamene mukusiya munthu amene mumamukonda yemwe sangakhale nanu ndizo zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala wanzeru.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
