Malangizo 15 Okuthandizani Kukhala ndi Chibwenzi ndi Ex Wanu Watsopano

Masiku ano, sikovuta kutsatira zomwe mwakumana nazo, ngakhale simunakumanepo nazo. Ndipo kukumana ndi nkhani yawo ya Instagram ndikuwawona akugwirana chanza ndi wokondedwa wawo watsopano kungakusangalatseni. M'nkhaniyi, tikukuuzani chifukwa chake mumamva chonchi komanso momwe mungapirire ndi chibwenzi chanu.

Mukukumbukira mawu opusa aja kuchokera ku Diary ya Bridget Jones? "A Exes sayenera, osatuluka kapena kukwatiwa ndi anthu ena koma azikhala osakwatira mpaka kumapeto kwa masiku awo kuti akupatseni mwayi wobwerera m'mbuyo." Zikanakhala choncho! Koma zenizeni nthawi zambiri zimakhala ndi zolinga zosiyana, ndipo kuona wakale wanu ali ndi wina watsopano kungayambitse kusokonezeka maganizo. Nkhani yabwino? Pali njira zabwino zothetsera vutoli.

Tiyeni timvetse momwe mungathanirane ndi chibwenzi chanu chakale, pogwiritsa ntchito malangizo ochokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam (katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wogwirizana ndi bungwe la American Psychological Association), yemwe wakhala akuthandiza anthu kuthetsa mavuto awo paubwenzi kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri.

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Zinthu zoyamba, tonse timavomereza kuti ndizovuta kuwona yemwe akupita patsogolo pazifukwa zambiri. Uyu ndi munthu yemwe mudagawana naye maubwenzi osiyanasiyana. Kodi simukudziwa chiyani za iwo? Madyedwe awo, zochita za tsiku ndi tsiku, maloto ndi zokhumba zawo, mabanja ndi abwenzi, ndi zina zambiri. Ndi zachibadwa kukhala weird kunja ndi lingaliro la iwo kugawana zonsezi ndi bwenzi latsopano. Ndithudi, inu mukudabwa mmene kupirira wakale wanu chibwenzi munthu watsopano.

Kuchita nsanje n'komvekanso pamlingo winawake. Zowonjezereka, ngati simuli pachibwenzi ndi munthu. Zimakupangitsani kudabwa kuti wakale uja adapeza bwanji munthu musanamupeze. Kuzindikira koopsa, "Oyamba wanga adapeza wina watsopano koma sindinamupeze", sikophweka nthawi zonse kuti ndigwirizane naye. Zikumveka zopusa, koma zimamveka kwa anthu ambiri. Zikatero, musataye mtima. Chofunika koposa, musamaganizire zinthu mopambanitsa. Mupeza bwenzi pa liwiro lanu inunso.

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Chotheka choopsa (chomwe ndikutsimikiza kuti mwaganizirapo), ndichakuti mumakondabe wakale wanu . Munasiyana, koma panali chiyembekezo choyanjananso. Mwina munasiyana chifukwa cha momwe zinthu zilili, osati mavuto anu. Tsopano mwakhumudwa kwambiri chifukwa akusuntha, ndipo akukuiwalani. Mwina mukuyang'anabe zizindikiro kuti wakale wanu ali pachibwenzi chobwerera m'mbuyo ndipo mukufufuza mwachangu kuti, "Kodi akale amabwerera atachita chibwenzi ndi wina?"

Kavita akufotokoza kuti, “Zimatengeranso kalembedwe kanu ka chikondi. Ngati muli ndi chikondi chotetezeka, ndiye kuti mwina mumatha kuthetsa mavuto mwanzeru; mutha kulola anthu kukusiyani. Pankhani ya chikondi chopewa, simudzakhala ogwirizana kwambiri poyamba. Koma ngati muli ndi kalembedwe kosagwirizana ka chikondi, ndiye kuti kuleka sikudzakuvutani. Ndipo mu kalembedwe kosagwirizana, mumasokonezeka ngati mukufuna kapena ayi.”

Ziribe kanthu chifukwa chake, muyenera kupeza njira yopitira patsogolo. Si njira yophweka kuyenda, ndipo pali mwayi woti mugunde zotchinga zingapo. Koma tiyeni tikambirane za vutolo ndikupeza momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi chanu ndi munthu wina.

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Mwinamwake mukulimbana ndi malingaliro a zillion ndi mafunso thililiyoni pakali pano. Sichapafupi kumuwona wakale wayambanso, makamaka ngati simunakwatirane. Ndizosavuta kuneneratu momwe mungaganizire, "Ngati wakale wanga ali pachibwenzi ndi munthu watsopano, kodi tachita zabwino? Kapena ndili ndi mwayi?"

Samalani ndi mafunso awa omwe mukuwafunsa; amangokupangitsani kutsegula zitseko zomwe zingakhale bwino kuti musakhale otsekedwa. Akanakusowani, sakanasamuka. Koma tikudziwa kuti simungasiye kuganiza kuti, “Wanga wakale ali ndi chibwenzi/chibwenzi chatsopano ndipo zimapweteka.” Tonsefe takhala tikukumana ndi vutoli. Palibe chopweteka kuposa kuona wakale wanu akusamuka inu musanakhale. Mkhalidwe woterewu umakupangitsani kukhala pachiwopsezo chachikulu. Nazi malangizo angapo omwe angakuthandizeni kuthana ndi chibwenzi ndi wakale wanu watsopano:

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1. Osadziimba mlandu pamene exyo ali ndi chibwenzi chatsopano

Maganizo oyamba omwe mumakumana nawo pamene chibwenzi chanu chatha ndi kudzimvera chisoni. Mumayamba kuganiza kuti munalakwitsa ndipo mumadziimba mlandu chifukwa cha kutha kwa chibwenzi. Mukulimbana ndi kusungulumwa mutatha kusudzulana ndipo mukuyesera kumvetsetsa zinthu. Koma izi si kulephera kwanu kapena vuto lanu mwanjira iliyonse. Kusudzulana ndi gawo la moyo. Musadziimbe mlandu (kapena kudzizunza).

2. Landirani momwe zinthu zikuyendera

Mutha kuganizabe kuti kutha kwanu kunali kolakwika koma izi ndichifukwa choti simunayembekezere kuti apitirire mwachangu. Dzikumbutseni mavuto onse omwe ubale wanu unali nawo komanso chifukwa chomwe simunali woyenera.

Kavita akuti, "Landirani kutha ndipo mvetsetsani kuti palibe chomwe mungayembekezere; simungayambitsenso kugwirizana kwanu ndipo MUYENERA kuti musayambitsenso. Ubalewu wakwaniritsa cholinga chake m'moyo wanu. Dziwani chifukwa chake mudasiyana ndi wakale wanu - zinthu zinalakwika, sichoncho?

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3. Khalani bata ndi kupitiriza

Pakhoza kukhala mphepo yamkuntho ikuwomba mkati mwanu koma muyenera kukhala chete. Nonse mwasiyana ndipo wina anayenera kusuntha kaye. Tsoka ilo, ndi iwo omwe adachita zimenezo. Gawani nkhaniyi modekha. Kumbukirani, iyi si mpikisano ndipo simukuyenera kukhala ndi munthu wina kuti mutsimikizire kuti mwasuntha. Komanso musapitirize kudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi akazi akale amabwerera mukachita chibwenzi ndi munthu wina?" kapena kuyesa kubwererana nawo.

Kavita kakulongosora ivyo ukwenera kuchita para chibwezi chikamara. "Sankhani zomwe mukufuna kuchita ndi chisudzulo. Kodi mukufuna kumamatira kwa wakale wanu? Dikirani kuti abwerere? Kapena mungakonde kugwira ntchito pakukula kwanu ndi machiritso? Simungathe kupitilira pokhapokha mutapeza kumveka bwino. Ndipo mudzayenera kusiya nthawi ina; ziribe kanthu zomwe zingachitike m'dziko lanu, chiwonetserocho chiyenera kupitirira - muyenera kukhala ndi khofi wanu, muyenera kudya chakudya chamasana. "

4. Bweretsaninso anzanu

Ngati malingaliro anu asokonekera, ndi nthawi yoti mutumize uthenga wa SOS kwa anzanu. Pakadali pano, mukuwafuna kwambiri ndipo palibe chomwe sichingakonzedwe ndi anzanu. Amadziwa zomwe mwakumana nazo ndipo adzakhalapo kuti atsimikizire kuti simukuchita chilichonse chopusa. (Zomwe simuyenera kuchita mutathetsa chibwenzi chanu ziyenera kutsatiridwa mosamala.)

Dongosolo lothandizira m'maganizo ndilofunika kwambiri pamene wakale ali ndi chibwenzi chatsopano. Muli pachiwopsezo chamalingaliro. Dzizungulireni ndi okondedwa anu - abwenzi ndi abale atha kukhala cholepheretsa kupsinjika pakati panu ndi chidziwitso choti wakale wanu wasuntha.

5. Kugula ndi spa mankhwala

Yakwana nthawi yoti musangalale ndikupumula pang'ono. Limbitsani kirediti kadi yanu ndikugulabe mpaka chithunzi cha wakale wanu ndi bwenzi lawo latsopano chitasiya kung'anima m'maganizo mwanu. Kudzikonda kwina ndi zomwe mumasowa. Cholinga cha kufunafuna uku sikusokoneza, koma kudzikonda. Chitani zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani. 

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6. Kukhala wosakwatiwa kuli ndi ubwino wake

N’chifukwa chiyani mungafune kudziyika nokha m’mavuto onsewa kachiwiri? Dzifunseni ngati mukufunadi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi wakale wanu. Mikangano, mikangano, ndi chinyengo nthawi zonse. Mukuyenera zabwino kwambiri. Sangalalani ndi moyo wanu wopanda mwamuna kapena mkazi pomwe mungathe kuchita chilichonse chomwe mukufuna.

Kavita mopupuluma anati, “Kukhala pachibwenzi n’cholinga chofuna kuchita zimenezi n’kopanda phindu.

7. Onaninso zomwe mumakonda

Ndikudziwa kuti mukumva chisoni chifukwa wakale wanu wasamuka. Koma nayi yankho: zosangalatsa ndi zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala osangalala. Dziperekeni ku zosangalatsa zopindulitsa kuti mudzipatse nthawi. Tengani nthawi 'yanga' ndikuyang'ana pa inu nokha osati paubwenzi wanu womwe walephera . Ngati mulibe zosangalatsa zilizonse, pezani zatsopano. Yesani luso lanu ndipo mutha kudzidabwitsa.

Mnzanga wapamtima anakhumudwa kwambiri atayamba kuona munthu wina. Anaganiza zoyamba kuchita zinthu zosiyanasiyana kuti azikhala yekha. Palibe chomwe chidakhazikika mpaka atapereka maphunziro a piyano. Iye anati: “Zinandipweteka kwambiri kuti mwamuna wanga wakale ali pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina, koma ndinapeza chinthu chamtengo wapatali kwambiri chifukwa cha zimenezi.” O, kodi sindinatchule? Adasewera konsati yake yoyamba mwezi watha.

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8. Mwamuna wanga wakale adapeza wina watsopano, nditani? Dzikhulupirireni

Mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungachitire ndi chibwenzi chanu chakale? Musamaone izi ngati kuti ndi mapeto a dziko. Chimwemwe chanu sichidalira munthu mmodzi yekha. Ndinu munthu wodzidalira, wamphamvu amene mungathe kudzisamalira nokha ndikupeza chisangalalo kunja kwa chibwenzi.

Kavita ulondolola’mba: “Ubwanya kwikala na lwitabijo lwandi, ino ufwaninwe kwikala na būmi bwa nyeke.

9. Pewani kusankha zochita mopupuluma

Nkhani ngati izi zingakupangitseni kuchita zinthu zopusa zomwe mudzanong'oneza nazo bondo posachedwa. Kubisa mbiri za chibwenzi chatsopano cha chibwenzi chanu chakale, kulankhulana ndi chibwenzi chanu chakale, kucheza ndi anyamata osadziwika, ndi zina zotero, si njira yabwino. Khalani anzeru posankha chifukwa zisankho zolakwika zotere zimasonyeza kusakhwima kwanu.

Roy Bennet analemba kuti: “Simungathe kulamulira khalidwe la ena, koma nthawi zonse mukhoza kusankha mmene mungayankhire.” Inde, wakale wanu anasamuka. Koma 'ex wanga akuwona wina watsopano' sichingakhale chowiringula chodzipangitsa kukhala wocheperako. Ganizirani bwino musanachite.

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10. Khalani kutali ndi mowa

Chinanso chomwe mungawonjezere pa mndandandawu ndi kupewa kumwa mowa. Kumwa mowa kuti muchepetse chisoni chanu ndi cholakwika chachikulu chifukwa zonse zomwe zimachokera pamenepo ndi vuto lalikulu la mowa komanso malingaliro osamveka bwino okhudza inu oledzera mukuyimbira foni wakale wanu. (Ndicho chifukwa chake muyenera kuletsa wakale wanu. ) Kumwa mowa mopitirira muyeso kudzapangitsa zinthu kukhala zoipitsitsa komanso zosasangalatsa. M'malo mwake, limbanani ndi malingaliro anu mukakhala osamwa mowa. Khalani ndi zokambirana zomveka ndi anzanu za momwe mukumvera.

11. Usadziyerekeze ndi iye;

Kuwona wokondedwa wanu wakale kumakupangitsani kuti muyambe kudziyerekeza nokha. Mudzadabwa ngati ali okongola kuposa inu. Mudzifunsa nokha ngati mnzanu watsopanoyo amawapangitsa kukhala osangalala kuposa inu. Khalani pamwamba pa zizolowezi zazing'onozi ndikudzimasula nokha.

Wowerenga wina wochokera ku Newark analemba kuti, "Ndinkapitiriza kumutsatira pa Instagram ndi zithunzi zake pamodzi ndikudabwa kuti bwanji wakale wanga ayambe kukondana ndi wina mwachangu chonchi. Unali njira yoipa kwambiri yochitira zinthu, yosayenera kunena zoona. Koma ndinazindikira posakhalitsa kuti palibe chomwe ndingachite chomwe chingawakhudze; ndinali ndekha amene ndimavutika ndi zochita zanga. Ichi chinali chidziwitso chofunikira pamene wakale wanga adapeza munthu watsopano."

12. Dzizungulireni ndi kampani yatsopano

Kodi mukudabwa momwe mungagonjetsere munthu wakale amene wasamuka? Nthawi zina, kukhala ndi anthu osawadziwa kumathandiza. Simuyenera kufotokoza chifukwa chake muli achisoni. Sakuonani ndi maso achifundo. Mutha kudziwana ndi anthu atsopano omwe ali ndi zokonda zofanana ndi zanu. Pitani ku malo osangalatsa kapena pitani nokha . Kufufuza moyo wanu kungakutonthozeni mtima.

13. Khalani otanganidwa

Ngati mukuganiza kuti "Mkazi wanga wakale ali ndi chibwenzi chatsopano, nditani kuti ndikhale bwino?" Kukhala wotanganidwa ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yoti musagwere mumkhalidwe waulesi komanso kusachita chilichonse. Kavita akuti, "Yesetsani kuchita zinthu moganizira, yoga, kusinkhasinkha. Idyani thanzi labwino ndi kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi zonse. Bwererani ku ntchito yanu ya tsiku ndi tsiku ndi nthawi yopuma. Kwenikweni, dzisamalireni nokha panthawi yovutayi. Kudzikonda ndi kudzisamalira zimayendera limodzi. "

Komabe, ndikofunikira kuchita zonsezi ndi cholinga chodzikonda, osati kusokoneza kapena kukana. Kuthetsa malingaliro anu ndikofunikira. Ngati munali pachibwenzi cha nthawi yayitali, samalani thanzi lanu la maganizo ndi thupi. Kavita akuwonjezera kuti, "Ubwenzi uliwonse womwe unakhalapo kwa chaka chimodzi udzawononga thanzi lanu la maganizo ukatha. Pitani kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo ngati mukuwonetsa zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo ."

14. Landirani chisoni chanu

Simungathawe chowonadi chakuti wakale wanu anasamuka pamene munkalira chifukwa cha mbali zomalizira za chibwenzi chanu. Landirani chisoni ichi ndi zonse zomwe zimabwera nazo. Ndi bwino kukhala chisokonezo pamene muli ndi zambiri pa mbale yanu (yamaganizo). Ingokumbukirani kuti musakhale mu gawo limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali.

Kavita akufotokoza kuti, “Magawo asanu a chisoni ndiwo kukana, kupsa mtima, kukangana, kupsinjika maganizo, ndi kuvomereza. Pitirizani zimenezi pambuyo pa kusudzulana mwa kuwongolera malingaliro anu m’njira yabwino.

15. Dzimasulireni nokha

Kutseka kumakuvutitsani maganizo mukamaganiza kuti, 'Wanga wakale akuonana ndi wina,' koma sizimatheka mosavuta. Chinthu chofunika kwambiri pakutseka ndi kuganiza mozama. Mutha kuwona ubale wanu ndi wakale wakale moganizira bwino.

Kavita akuti, "Ngakhale simunatsekeredwe kunja, muyenera kudzipatsa nokha. Chifukwa chiyani munalowa muubwenzi? Kodi unali ubale wodalirana? Mwinamwake unali wosagwira ntchito mwachibadwa. Mukazindikira chifukwa chake zinthu zinachitika, zimakhala zosavuta kupitiriza ndi kupezanso chimwemwe."

Mantra ya moyo wachimwemwe pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi kudzikonda. Yamikirani zabwino zomwe zikukuzungulirani ndikusiya maubwenzi ndi zinthu zomwe zikukulepheretsani. Monga akunena, dzikondeni nokha ndipo dziko lidzakukondani.

Maganizo Final

Kuwona yemwe akupita patsogolo kungakhale kovuta, koma sikumatanthauzira tsogolo lanu. Kukula, machiritso, ndi chimwemwe zidakali zofikirika. Chofunikira ndikudziganizira nokha, kuvomereza malingaliro anu, ndikuwongolera mphamvu zanu kuti muzichita bwino. Mapeto aliwonse amatsegulira njira yoyambira zatsopano - landirani ulendo wamtsogolo molimba mtima.

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