Momwe Mungapambanire Kulakwa Kwachinyengo: Malangizo 10 Othandizira Akatswiri

Kunyenga mnzanuyo kungakuchititseni kuti mulemedwe ndi kudziimba mlandu ndi kudzimvera chisoni. Nthawi zonse mnzako akakuchitirani zabwino, kukupatirani, kukupsompsonani pamasaya, kapena kungochita nanu mwanjira ina iliyonse, osanyalanyaza zomwe mwachitazo, mutha kumva khungu lanu likukwawa. Kenako, pamabwera mantha a momwe zinthu zingawayendere ngati atadziwa. Ndipo kudziimba mlandu, manyazi, ndi kudzimvera chisoni kumabwerezedwa pang’onopang’ono. Kuphunzira momwe mungapewere kulakwa kwachinyengo kumakhala kofunikira panthawiyi, makamaka ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi mwayi wokonza ndi kumanganso ubale wanu ndi mnzanuyo.

Komabe, kudzikhululukira nokha mutachita zachinyengo komanso osanena chilichonse n'kosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Mumadzipeza muli pamavuto amtima, mukuvutika pakati pa chinthu choyenera kuchita ndi mantha a zotsatirapo zake. Koma si zosathekanso. Ndipo tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kupeza njira. Ndi nzeru kuchokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam (Masters in Psychology komanso wogwirizana ndi bungwe la American Psychological Association), yemwe wakhala akuthandiza maanja kuthana ndi mavuto awo a m'banja kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri, tiyeni tiwone bwino njira yoyenera yothetsera vuto la kusakhulupirika komanso kuthana nalo.

Kodi Obera Amanong'oneza Bondo Zimene Anachita?

Kubera ndi kusankha. Kungakhale kusankha mwachidwi kulawa chipatso choletsedwa ndi kufufuza zomwe zagona kupyola ubale wodzipereka, kapena kudzimva kuti watsekeredwa muubwenzi wosakwaniritsa kungapangitse munthu kudutsa mizere ya kukhulupirika ndi kukhulupirika. Ndipo mmene munthu amaonera kusakhulupirika kwa mnzanuyo zimadalira kwambiri mmene munthu amaonera, mmene maganizo ake, ndi mikhalidwe.

Kafukufuku waposachedwapa pa zamaganizo okhudza kusakhulupirika akusonyeza kuti “anthu okwatirana omwe ali ndi zibwenzi amaona kuti ndi okhutiritsa kwambiri, sadandaula kwenikweni, ndipo amakhulupirira kuti kunyenga sikunawononge mabanja awo omwe anali abwino”. Kavita nayenso akuvomereza ndipo akunena kuti kunyenga mlandu sikumverera kwa anthu onse.

"Ngati muli paubwenzi wabwino ndipo mukufunabe kufufuza zomwe zili kupitirira, ndiye kuti ndi chisankho chodziwikiratu pamene mukuwoloka mzere ngakhale kuti mukudziwa bwino zotsatira zomwe zingatheke. Ngati simukukayikira kuti mnzanuyo adziwa, ndiye kuti sizitenga nthawi kuti muthetse kusamvana ndi kukhumudwa. Kuthana ndi kusakhulupirika kulakwa kumakhala kosavuta.

"Mu ubale wosakhutiritsa kapena woopsa , chisankho chochita chinyengo chingachitike chifukwa chofuna kufunafuna chilichonse chomwe chikusowa muubwenzi wanu - ubale wamphamvu wamaganizo, wakuthupi, wauzimu kapena wanzeru - kwina kulikonse ngakhale kuti muli pachibwenzi chodzipereka. Ngati wochita chinyengoyo sakumva kuti wapereka mnzawo chifukwa cha momwe zinthu zilili muubwenziwo kapena kumva kuti ali ndi ufulu ndipo akhoza kulungamitsa zochita zake m'maganizo mwake, sipangakhale nkhawa kapena kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa pambuyo pa chinyengo," akutero Kavita.

Kubwereranso ku funso lomwe lilipo: kodi onyenga amanong'oneza bondo zomwe adachita? Umboni ukusonyeza, osati kwenikweni. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukulimbana ndi malingaliro ngati, “Ndabera ndipo mlandu ukundipha” kapena “Ndabera ndipo sindingathe kukhala ndi ine ndekha”, zomwe mukukumana nazo zitha kutchulidwa kuti ndizosiyana, osati zomwe zimachitika. Mwina chifukwa kuvomereza kuopsa kwa kubera sikophweka.

Ngati munthu sangathe kuthetsa malingaliro akuti “chiwopsezo cha kubera chikundipha,” amakhala ndi vuto lalikulu lamkati loti athane nalo.” Nkhawa ndi kudziimba mlandu pambuyo pa chinyengo zimatha kuchulukirachulukira kwa anthu ambiri. Njira yokhayo yopulumukira ndikudutsa magawo asanu achisoni - kukana, kukwiya, kukambirana, kukhumudwa, ndi kuvomereza Popanda kudzilola kuti mukhale ndi malingaliro omasuka omwe amabwera ndi gawo lililonse, simungavomereze kubera ndikupitilira, "akutero Kavita.

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Malangizo 10 Othandizidwa ndi Katswiri pa Momwe Mungapambanire Kubera Kulakwa

Pafupifupi zaka khumi zapitazo, ndinali muubwenzi wovuta kwambiri. Popeza ndinali wosasangalala, wosakhazikika, komanso wosakhoza kudula chingwe, ndinayamba kupeza chitonthozo m'maubwenzi omwe anali kunja kwaubwenzi. Zimene zinayamba ngati kukopana kosavulaza kuti ndizimve bwino, posakhalitsa zinandipangitsa kuti ndichite zachinyengo , kenako chibwenzi chachikulu — ndi bwenzi lathu, chimodzimodzi!

Ngakhale kuti ndinatha kuchotsa malingaliro osasangalatsa a kukhala wachinyengo pamene unansiwo unali m’madzi amiyala, m’nthaŵi za “chisangalalo” zimenezo, kulimbana ndi liwongo la kusakhulupirika kunali kovuta kwambiri. Ngakhale kuti chibwenzicho chinatha ngati kuti sichinachitike, zinanditengera nthawi yambiri kuti ndithetse chinyengo komanso osanena.

1. Mvetserani chifukwa chake munabera

Kodi ndingathetse bwanji mlandu wochita zachinyengo popanda kuwauza, mukufunsa? Ngakhale kuti kupitiriza kuchoka pamalo odzidetsa komanso kudzimva chisoni komwe mukukumana nako n'kotheka, kumatanthauza kudzifunsa mafunso ovuta. N’chiyani chinakupangitsani kuchita zachinyengo? Kodi chinali chifukwa chakuti panalibe china chake muubwenzi wanu? Kapena chimachokera ku mavuto anu amalingaliro monga kupewa kukondana?

“Anthu ambiri amazindikira kuti anachita chinyengo chifukwa choona kuti anyalanyazidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo, kusungulumwa muukwati/ubwenzi wawo, kusakhutira ndi kugonana, kapena kungotaya mtima.” Enanso amaphunzira kuti kuchita chigololo kunayamba chifukwa cha kugwirizana kwawo, kuopa kudzipereka, kapena kudziwononga,” akufotokoza motero Kavita.

Kukhala woona mtima kwa inu mwini sikudzangokuthandizani kuthetsa liwongo komanso kudzakuthandizani kupeza gwero la nkhaniyo ndi kupeza njira zabwino zothetsera vutolo kuti musadzachitenso cholakwika chofananacho, kaya ndi mnzanu kapena mnzanu wamtsogolo.

2. Vomerezani kuti mukulimbana ndi kulakwa kwachinyengo

Monga momwe Kavita akunenera, mutha kudzikhululukira nokha chifukwa cha chinyengo komanso kusanena kokha pamene mwafika povomereza mu magawo asanu a chisoni. Muli ndi mlandu wodzaza ndi chisoni. Mkati, mukufuula kuti, “Kunyenga mlandu kukundipha”. Ngakhale kunja, mungafunike kuchita ngati kuti zonse zili bwino m'dziko lanu, musatseke kapena kuletsa malingaliro anu.

Landirani ndi kukumbatira mkhalidwe wanu wamakono. Muzimva mmene mukumvera mumtima mwanu. Lirani, kulira, kapena pezani chilichonse chomwe chimakupatsani mtendere wambiri, ndikuchikumbatira. Mukangovomereza kuti mwakhudzidwa ndi zosankha zanu zoipa ndikudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa chopereka wokondedwa wanu, malingaliro amenewo sangawoneke ngati ovuta komanso olemetsa. Chifukwa chake, pitirirani, pezani malo otetezeka momwe munganene mokweza kuti, "Ndabera komanso ndimamva zoyipa."

3. Muziganizira kwambiri za m’tsogolo, osati zam’mbuyo

Kodi liwongo la kubera litha? Zingatheke, koma pokhapokha mutasiya kuganizira kwambiri za maganizo onga akuti, “Ndinabera ndipo sindingathe kukhala ndekha” kapena “Liwongo la kubera likundipha. Inde, munapanga zisankho zoipa zomwe zingakhale (kapena zingatheke) kuwonongerani ubale wanu ndi munthu amene mumamukonda, ndikusintha moyo wanu mozondoka. Komabe, kukonza zomwe mwachita sikungakuthandizeni mwanjira iliyonse.

Choncho, siyani kuganizira kwambiri mukachita zachinyengo. M'malo mwake, yang'anani za mtsogolo ndikuwona momwe mungachitire pa choipa ichi chomwe mwachita. Ngati kumuuza mnzanuyo momasuka ndikupepesa chifukwa chomupereka kwa inu sikungatheke, mukhoza, osachepera, kuyesetsa kukhala mnzanu wabwino kuyambira pano.

“Wachiwembu akamamvadi chisoni ndi zimene anachita, amakhala okonzeka kugwira ntchito yofunikira—kaya uphungu wa munthu payekha kapena chithandizo cha maanja—kukonza ming’alu yaubwenziyo ndi kuuperekanso,” akutero Kavita. Dziperekeni ku ubale 100% ndikuyesera kuyika zolakwa zanu zakale kumbuyo kwanu.

4. Dzichitireni chifundo

N’zosavuta kudzichitira nkhanza, makamaka tikamadziwa kuti zochita zathu zingawononge ifeyo komanso anthu amene timawakonda. Komabe, ngati mukufunadi kudziwa momwe mungadzikhululukire chifukwa chakubera ndikupitilira, ndikofunikira kuti muzichita zinthu mokoma mtima komanso mwachifundo.

Mukamvetsa chifukwa chake munabera , khalani ndi chifundo ndi inu nokha ndipo fufuzani momwe mukumvera komanso malingaliro anu pa izi zonse popanda kuweruza kapena kutsutsa. "Dzikumbutseni kuti ndinu munthu wolakwa amene munasankha molakwika koma zimenezo sizikupangitsani kukhala munthu woipa. Kukhala ndi maganizo otseguka komanso kudzichitira zinthu mokoma mtima ndikofunikira kuti mupite patsogolo," akutero Kavita.

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5. Koma musadziwiringula

Cholinga apa sichichokera ku "Ndinanyenga ndikumva zowawa" mpaka "Ndasokoneza, ndiye bwanji!" koma kuphunzira momwe mungagonjetsere liwongo la kubera mwaumoyo momwe mungathere. Chifukwa chake musagwiritse ntchito zifukwa zomwe mwapeza pakufufuza kwanu chifukwa chomwe mwabera ngati chowiringula chochotsera zolakwa zanu kapena chilolezo chopitiliza kulakwitsa mobwerezabwereza.

Pewani maganizo onga akuti “Ndinanyenga chifukwa chakuti ndinali m’banja lopanda chikondi.” Sikuti kwenikweni sindiri chifukwa changa” kapena “Zosoŵa zanga sizinakwaniritsidwe muubwenzi wanga woyamba, chotero ndinachita zimene ndinayenera kuchita.” Mukamadzikhululukira chifukwa cha khalidwe lanu loipa ndi zolakwa zanu, inu, kuwonjezera apo, mumatanthawuza kuti mwinamwake ndi vuto la mnzanuyo kuti munanyenga. Koma zimenezo si zoona.

Mosasamala kanthu za mikhalidwe yanu, kubera ndi kusankha - njira yosavuta yotulutsira zinthu zovuta. Njira yokhayo yodutsira magawo osiyanasiyana olakwa pambuyo pa chinyengo ndikukhala ndi zochita zanu. Pokhapo povomereza kuti zimene munachita zinali zolakwika, mungaphunzire kudzikhululukira nokha chifukwa chachinyengo moona mtima.

6. Muuzeni zakukhosi kwanu

Mukufunikira bolodi kuti mudutse nthawi yovutayi ndi kuthana ndi malingaliro monga "Ndabera ndipo kulakwa kukundipha" kapena "Kudziimba mlandu kwachinyengo kukukupha". Ngati inu simungakhoze zikuoneka kuti mmene kupeza pa kubera wolakwa ndi kubwera woyera kwa mnzanuyo si njira, kufikira munthu amene mumamukhulupirira.

Zitha kukhala bwenzi, wachibale, kapena ngati mumakhulupirira mphamvu zapamwamba, wotsogolera wachipembedzo kapena wauzimu. Zimenezi n’zimene zimachititsa kuti uphungu ndi munthu amene amaumbira mtima kwambiri azitha kukutsogolerani pamavuto amenewa. Kavita anati: “Kuyesetsa kutsatira mfundo za kukhulupirika n’kofunika kwambiri kuti mudziwe mmene mungagonjetsere vuto lachinyengo.

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7. Yesani kudzisamalira

Mukayamba kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa mutatha kuchita zachinyengo , n'zosavuta kudziletsa ndikuyamba kugwiritsa ntchito njira zopewera mavuto monga kufunafuna chitonthozo pansi pa botolo kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Ichi ndichifukwa chake kudzisamalira nokha kuyenera kukhala chinthu chofunika kwambiri pamene mukuyenda m'madzi odetsedwa awa. Choncho samalirani thanzi lanu lakuthupi ndi lamaganizo ndikuyang'ana njira zabwino zothetsera nkhawa ndi kupsinjika maganizo. Nazi zinthu zina zofunika kuyesa:

• Idyani bwino
• Muzichita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi zonse
• Muzicheza ndi okondedwa anu komanso anzanu
• Gwiritsani ntchito zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani
• Dziloleni nokha nthawi yokwanira yopuma

8. Limbikitsani malingaliro anu ndi zolemba ndi kulingalira

Kusakhulupirika muubwenzi kungabweretse malingaliro ndi malingaliro ovuta kwambiri. Pamene zonse zasokonezeka m'mitu mwathu, malingaliro amenewa angawoneke ovuta komanso owopsa kwambiri. Izi zitha kukhala cholepheretsa pakuyesetsa kwanu kupeza momwe mungadzikhululukire nokha chifukwa cha chinyengo.

"Kumbukirani, kudzikhululukira nokha pambuyo pa kunyenga ndi kugonjetsa malingaliro a liwongo kumatheka kokha pamene mutatha chizolowezi chodzinyansa ndi chidani. Chifukwa cha izo, muyenera kulamulira maganizo anu ndi kuwongolera malingaliro anu. Kulemba zolemba ndi kuchita kulingalira ndi njira ziwiri zomwe zayesedwa nthawi zonse, "akutero Kavita.

Kulemba ndi chizolowezi chokonza zakukhosi kwanu pozifotokoza momasuka komanso popanda chiweruzo kudzera mukulemba kapena kujambula. Monga ndaphunzira kwa zaka zambiri, ziribe kanthu momwe lingaliro lowopsya likuwonekera m'mitu mwathu, kulemba kumapangitsa kuti zisawopsyezeke komanso kuwongolera. Mchitidwe wa kulingalira ukhoza kukhala wosiyana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana. M'malo mwake, zikutanthawuza kuzindikira bwino za nthawi yomwe ilipo, ndipo zingatheke kupyolera mu,

• Kupumula pang'ono kwa minofu (PMR)
• Njira zoyatsira pansi
• Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi
• kusinkhasinkha

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9. Dzikhululukireni nokha

Kodi liwongo la kubera litha? Chabwino, mpaka mutaphunzira kudzikhululukira nokha. Ntchito yonse yomwe mwachita mpaka pano kuti muchotse liwongo lachinyengo ndikungodzikhululukira nokha. Mukaganizira zowawa ndi zowawa zomwe mungapangire mnzanuyo kapena kungowawona okhutira muubwenzi, osanyalanyaza njira zomwe mwasokoneza kukhulupirirana kwawo, ndizochibadwa kudzimenya nokha.

Kumbukirani kuti tinakambirana za chifundo ndi kukoma mtima. Muyenera kuwongolera izi munthawi ngati izi ndikudzikhululukira nokha chifukwa chachinyengo komanso osanena. Ngati simutero, mlanduwo udzayamwa moyo mwa inu. Kusiya chipolopolo chopanda kanthu cha munthu yemwe munali kale.

10. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri

Kodi simungasiye kuganiza mopambanitsa pambuyo pa chinyengo? Simukudziwa momwe mungavomereze kubera ndikupitilira? Kodi simunathe kudziwa momwe mungagonjetsere liwongo lachinyengo? Sindingalimbikitse kupita kuchipatala mwamphamvu mokwanira. Kusankha kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri kwakhala chimodzi mwazosankha zabwino kwambiri pamoyo wanga, osati kungothana ndi liwongo losakhalitsa lachigololo komanso mabala ena angapo amalingaliro.

Kugwira ntchito ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo kumakuthandizani kumvetsetsa malingaliro ambiri osokoneza, kumakuthandizani kusankha njira yopitira patsogolo, komanso kukupatsani zida zothanirana ndi mavuto amkati. Ngati funso la momwe mungathanirane ndi mlandu wobera lakhala likukulepheretsani kukhala maso usiku, ganizirani kulankhula ndi katswiri mwachangu momwe mungathere. Akatswiri a zamaganizo aluso komanso odziwa bwino ntchito omwe ali pagulu la Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.

Kupita Patsogolo Pambuyo Pothetsa Kulakwa Kwachinyengo

Kuchita ntchito yoti muthane ndi vuto la kusakhulupirika ndi gawo limodzi chabe la ndondomekoyi. Muyeneranso kuganizira za njira zanu zotsatirira. Kodi mupita kuti kuchokera pamenepa? Kodi mumaonetsetsa bwanji kuti mavuto aliwonse omwe alipo kapena atsopano a m'banja sakubweretseraninso m'njira ya kusakhulupirika? Kodi mumapewa bwanji kugwera mu machitidwe akale, odziwika bwino koma osathandiza?

Kavita anati: “Yankho la mmene mungagonjetsere kulakwa kwachinyengo silimangothera pa kuwongolera mwamsanga.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuchitira izi ngati kuphunzira ndikudzifufuza nokha kuti muwonetsetse kuti zotengerazo sizikubwereranso kuphompho kosafikirika kwa malingaliro anu. Nthawi ndi nthawi, khalani ndi inu nokha, ndikusinkhasinkha:

• Kodi mukuyesetsa kuti Pangani kukambirana ndi kulumikizana bwino ndi bwenzi lanu?
• Kodi mukukwaniritsa zosowa zanu?
• Kodi mukubwerezanso maphunziro omwe mwaphunzira pamene mukuganizira momwe mungagonjetsere chinyengo?
• Kodi mukukumbukira kukula komwe mwapanga munjirayi?

Kupendanso zimene zinakuchitikirani kuti mugonjetse liwongo la kubera kungakuthandizeni kuti musasocherenso. Izi zingathandize kwambiri kukubweretsani inu ndi mnzanuyo kuyandikana m'kupita kwanthawi.

Kavita akunena kuti mlandu wachinyengo ukhoza kuwononga maubwenzi ngati sunasamalidwe bwino. Chifukwa chake mukapezeka kuti mwagwidwa mumatope awa, ndikofunikira kuti mugwire ntchitoyo kuti mutulukemo munthu wabwinoko komanso wothandizana naye. Popanda izo, ubale wanu udzachepetsedwa kukhala chisokonezo chapoizoni chomwe chiyenera kulephera, mosasamala kanthu kuti mnzanuyo akudziwa kapena ayi za zolakwa zanu.

Ibibazo

Nkhani Yeniyeni Ya Kusakhulupirika Muukwati WaA

15 Zinthu Zodabwitsa Achinyengo Amanena Akakumana

Njira 8 Zokuthandizani Kuti Mumagwirizane ndi Mnzanuyo

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

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