18 Zifukwa Zambiri Zothetsera Chisudzulo

Chisudzulo sichinthu chomwe okwatirana amakonzekera patsiku laukwati wawo, komabe chimakhala chenicheni kwa ambiri. M'malo mwake, ngakhale kuti zisudzulo zatsika kuchokera pachimake, chiwopsezo cha kusudzulana ku US chikukwerabe pafupifupi 40-50% kwa maukwati oyamba. Izi zikutanthauza kuti pafupifupi theka la maukwati amatha kumapeto, ngakhale ali ndi zolinga zabwino. N’chifukwa chiyani mabanja ambiri amapatukana? Ukwati uliwonse ndi wapadera, koma machitidwe amawonekera. 

Zisudzulo zambiri zimabwera chifukwa cha kusanganikirana kwa zinthu m’malo mongowomberana kamodzi kokha. M'munsimu, tifufuza zifukwa zomwe zimatchulidwa kawirikawiri za chisudzulo, kuyambira kuphwanya kukhulupirika mpaka kukula kosagwirizana, kuti mutha kuzindikira chenjezo paubwenzi wanu kapena kumvera chisoni ndi zomwe ena akukumana nazo.

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18 Zifukwa Zambiri Zothetsera Chisudzulo

Ngakhale kuti ukwati uliwonse ndi wosiyana, njira zomwe zimathera chifukwa chake zimasiyana modabwitsa. Monga mukuonera, nkhani zokhudzana ndi kudzipereka, mikangano, ndi kusakhulupirika zili pamwamba pa mndandanda. Tsopano tiyeni tidutse zifukwa 18 zofala za kusudzulana, zoikidwa m'magulu kuti tiwerenge mosavuta.

Khulupirirani nkhani ndi kusakhulupirika

Kudalirana ndiye maziko a ukwati. Kudalirana kumeneko kukasweka, chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika, chinyengo cha zachuma, kapena kusakhulupirika chifukwa cha chizolowezi, maziko a ubalewo amasweka. Nkhani zodalirana izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zosokoneza chifukwa zimawononga chitetezo ndi kuwona mtima komwe kumasunga mgwirizano pamodzi. Nazi zina mwa mavuto ofala kwambiri okhudzana ndi kudalirana ndi kusakhulupirika omwe amabweretsa chisudzulo:

1. Kusakhulupirika (chinyengo)

Kupeza kuti mnzanu wachita zosakhulupirika kungawononge ukwati usiku wonse. Sikuti ndi kungochita zachinyengo chabe, koma ndi mabodza, chinsinsi, ndi kusakhulupirika komwe kumawononga maziko a kudalirana. Mu kafukufuku , oposa theka la okwatirana omwe akusudzulana (pafupifupi 55%) amanena kuti chibwenzi ndi chifukwa chachikulu chomwe chimawapangitsa kusudzulana. Kafukufuku wina wochokera ku zikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana adapeza kuti kusakhulupirika ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa kusudzulana. Zotsatira zake zimakhala zoopsa kwambiri. Wokondedwa wopatulidwa nthawi zambiri amamva kupweteka kwambiri, kukanidwa, komanso "kosakwanira," pomwe mnzake wopatulidwayo mwina watuluka kale muukwati.

Amaona kuti ‘anasiya kukondana’ ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo, ndipo nthawi zambiri pamakhala munthu wina amene angafune kukhala naye.” 

- Robert Cohen, loya wakale wa chisudzulo pa zisudzulo zochititsidwa ndi kusakhulupirika 

Kumanganso chidaliro pankhaniyi n'kovuta kwambiri. Mabanja ena amatha kuchita izi mwa kuona mtima komanso uphungu wokwanira, koma ambiri sangathe. Kwa anthu ambiri, chinyengo chimadutsa malire omwe amasonyeza chiyambi cha kutha kwa ukwati.

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2. Kusakhulupirika pazachuma

Nkhani zandalama ndi chifukwa china chachikulu cha chisudzulo, makamaka zikamakhudzana ndi kusakhulupirika pazachuma. N'chinthu chimodzi kulimbana ndi mabilu pamodzi ndi chinanso ngati m'modzi mwa okwatirana akusunga ngongole mobisa, kutchova juga ndalama zomwe adasunga, kapena kubisa ndalama. Kusakhulupirika pazachuma kungachepetse kwambiri ngati kusakhulupirika pa kugonana. Ndipotu, kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti mavuto azachuma ndi omwe amachititsa kuti theka la mabanja asudzulane. Koma nthawi zambiri sizimakhudzana ndi kusowa ndalama. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala chifukwa cha zizolowezi zosagwirizana pazachuma komanso kusweka kwa chidaliro komwe kumachitika chifukwa cha kusiyana monga,

• Mwamuna kapena mkazi wina akhoza kukhala wowononga ndalama, kuponya ndalama zambiri pa zinthu zamtengo wapatali, pamene winayo ndi wosunga ndalama, wotsina ma 1 tambala.
• Kusemphana pa bajeti, kugula kwakukulu, kapena ndalama zobisika
• Kupanikizika chifukwa chokumana ndi mavuto azachuma 

Loya wina wa zisudzulo wa ku New York anati: “Kusamvana pazachuma kuli vuto lofala pamene lingaliro la mwamuna kapena mkazi wa kugwiritsira ntchito ndalama zofunika kulingaliridwa liri lingaliro la wina la kuwononga mopanda kusamala. 

3. Kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso zizolowezi zoipa

Kuledzera kungawononge ubale . Kaya ndi mowa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kutchova juga, kapena zizolowezi zina, vutoli nthawi zambiri limakula mpaka litawononga ubalewo. Mwamuna kapena mkazi woledzera akhoza

• Bodza
• Kuwononga ndalama zabanja
• Kunyalanyaza maudindo
• Ngakhale kukhala wankhanza

Zonsezi zitha kupititsa patsogolo ukwati mpaka kufika pachimake. Mu kafukufuku wofalitsidwa ndi Couple and Family Psychology , pafupifupi gawo limodzi mwa magawo atatu a mabanja osudzulana (pafupifupi 34%) adanena kuti kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena mowa ndi chifukwa chachikulu chomwe chimayambitsa kusudzulana kwawo. Zifukwa zake n'zosavuta kuziona: pamene mnzawo m'modzi ali mu chizolowezi choledzera, kukhulupirika kwawo kwakukulu nthawi zambiri kumasintha kukhala chinthu kapena khalidwe, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mnzake ndi ana azimva ngati akuganiza zamtsogolo.

Chikhulupiriro chimatha chifukwa cha chinyengo komanso kusweka malonjezo omwe nthawi zambiri amatsagana ndi kumwerekera. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mwamuna kapena mkazi wosaledzeretsa angadzimve kukhala wosamalira kwambiri kuposa mnzake, kapena kuti ayenera kusankha pakati pa kupulumutsa banja ndi kudzipulumutsa okha, kupangitsa kukhala chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu za kusudzulana.

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Kusokonezeka kwa kulumikizana ndi kusamvana

Si maukwati onse omwe amatha ndi kusakhulupirika kwakukulu. Ambiri amatha pang'onopang'ono chifukwa cha mavuto olankhulana komanso mikangano yosatha. Kulankhulana bwino ndiko maziko a ubale. Popanda izi, mavuto ang'onoang'ono amakula ndipo amachititsa kuti pakhale mkwiyo muubwenzi . Pamene zokambirana zonse zimakhala mkangano kapena pamene okwatirana asiya kulankhulana, ukwatiwo umakhala wosakhazikika. Tiyeni tiwone zifukwa zomwe anthu ambiri amasudzulana:

4. Kupanda kudzipereka ndi khama

“Tinangopatukana.” “Iye/iye anasiya kuyesetsa.” Izi ndi mawu ofala kwambiri pankhani ya chisudzulo. Ndipotu, kusadzipereka nthawi zambiri ndiye chifukwa chachikulu cha chisudzulo. Mu kafukufuku wina , 73% ya anthu osudzulana anati m'modzi kapena onse awiri osachita khama mokwanira ndiye chifukwa chachikulu. Koma kodi kusadzipereka tsiku ndi tsiku kumawoneka bwanji? Zingakhale zosavuta komanso zazikulu monga kunyalanyaza mnzanu.

• Mwinamwake wokwatirana naye pang’onopang’ono amaika ntchito, zokonda, kapena mabwenzi patsogolo pa ukwatiwo
• Onse okwatirana amagwera mumkhalidwe wosagwirizana
• Kusalankhulana mozama kungachititse kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake azingokhalira kukhalira limodzi

Zochita zazing'ono za tsiku ndi tsiku monga kumvetsera, kusonyeza chikondi , ndi kuthana ndi mavuto mwachangu zili ngati ndalama zomwe zimasungidwa mu "banki yachikondi" zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ukwati ukhale wolemera. Pamene zimenezo zitha, akaunti ya chibwenzicho imatha. Monga momwe Dr. John Gottman adanenera kuchokera ku kafukufuku wa zaka makumi ambiri, okwatirana omwe amakhala olimba amasamalira ubale wawo nthawi zonse, makamaka nthawi zina. Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, okwatirana omwe akukonzekera kusudzulana nthawi zambiri amakhala osasamala ndipo amanyalanyaza mavuto mpaka atachedwa.

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5. Kukangana kopitirira muyeso ndi kukangana kosalekeza

Kodi mumaona kuti kukambirana kulikonse ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kumasintha n’kukhala ndewu? Maukwati osatha komanso osatha ndi omwe amachititsa kuti banja lithe. Mu kafukufuku wina , 56% ya mabanja osudzulana anati “mikangano kapena mikangano yambiri” ndi yomwe imayambitsa kutha kwawo. N’zachibadwa kuti mabanja asagwirizane, koma ndi momwe mumachitira ndi kusamvana komwe kuli kofunika. Ngati nkhani zazing’ono nthawi zonse zimakula n’kukhala mikangano yokwiyirana kapena kunyozana , chilengedwe chimakhala choopsa.

Kafukufuku wa Dr. John Gottman akusonyeza kunyozedwa kumene kumasonyezedwa m’zochita zongoyang’ana, kutukwana, ndi kunyodola, kuti ndi njira imodzi yokha yodziwira kuti ukwati udzatha n’kusudzulana. Pamodzi ndi kunyozedwa, Gottman's "Four Horsement" a Gottman otsutsa, chitetezo, ndi miyala (kutseka) nthawi zambiri amathamanga limodzi ndi mikangano yayikulu. Pamene makhalidwe oipawa ayamba, kulankhulana bwino kumasiya, ndipo mkwiyo umayamba.

6. Kusalankhulana bwino

Kuphatikiza pa ndewu zosalekeza palinso vuto lina la ubale: kusokonekera kwa kulankhulana . Si mabanja onse omwe akuvutika omwe amafuulirana, ena amasiya kulankhulana za chilichonse chofunikira. Malingaliro ofunikira amatsekedwa. Nkhani zovuta zimapewedwa. Mmodzi kapena onse awiri amatseka. Pakapita nthawi, kusokonekera kwa kulankhulana kumeneku kumakhala koopsa kwambiri ku ukwati monga momwe udani weniweni komanso chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zosudzulana.

Tangoganizirani banja limene okwatirana amangolankhula za ndandanda, mabilu, kapena ana, koma osati za mantha awo, maloto, kapena zokhumudwitsa. Mavuto akabuka (ndipo amatero nthawi zonse), maanjawa sakhala pansi ndikukambirana. Chotsatira? Mkwiyo umamanga mwakachetechete. Zofunikira sizikukwaniritsidwa chifukwa sizinafotokozedwe. Mmodzi wa m’banja angadzimve kukhala wosungulumwa kwambiri kapena kunyalanyazidwa popanda kudziŵa n’komwe. Zotsatira zake, banjali limatha kusokoneza kulumikizana, ndipo pamapeto pake, kutuluka pakhomo. 

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7. Kudzimva kukhala wosayamikiridwa ndi wosafunika

Chifukwa chodziwika bwino cha kusudzulana chingafotokozedwe mwachidule monga “Simundiyamikira.” M’kupita kwa zaka, mmodzi kapena onse aŵiri angayambe kudziona ngati wosafunika. Angaganize kuti zing’onozing’ono ndi zazikulu zimene amachita nzonyalanyazidwa kapena kuyembekezera, popanda kuyamikira kapena kuyamikira. Izi sizingamveke ngati chinyengo kapena ndewu, koma kudziona ngati wosayamikiridwa nthawi zonse kungawononge banja mwakachetechete. Wokondedwayo amene amadziona kuti ndi wosafunika amakula amaipidwa ndi maganizo. 

Angaganize kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndikudzivulaza ndekha chifukwa cha munthu amene sandiona kapena kundisamalira?” Pomaliza pake, mkwiyo umenewo ukhoza kutha. Alangizi a mabanja nthawi zambiri amamva madandaulo monga akuti “Ndimaona ngati sindikuoneka kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga” kapena “Palibe chimene ndimachita chokwanira.” Zimenezo ndi zizindikiro zowopsa. Kudziona ngati wosayamikiridwa sikungakhale nkhani yaikulu ngati “choyambitsa” chachikulu, koma ndi chifukwa cha kusudzulana kwakukulu.

8. Kukula padera

Kulekana nthawi zambiri kumatchulidwa kuti ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zosudzulana, ndipo kumatanthauza kutayika pang'onopang'ono kwa ubale ndi zokonda zofanana. Ubwenzi womwe unkadziwika kale umatha, nthawi zina popanda aliyense kuzindikira mpaka utatha. Kusintha kwa moyo monga ntchito, kukula kwaumwini, kukhala ndi ana, ndi kusamukira m'mizinda pang'onopang'ono kungapangitse okwatirana kukhala ndi njira zosiyanasiyana. Mumadzuka tsiku lina ndikuzindikira kuti muli ndi zinthu zochepa zofanana kupatula mbiri yakale ndi adilesi yotumizira makalata.

Maanja omwe amasiyana nthawi zambiri amafotokozera kusowa kwa nthawi yabwino pamodzi. Kwa zaka zambiri, kuyanjana kwawo kungakhale kokhudza ana okha kapena ntchito zapakhomo, ndipo sanawononge ndalama zambiri polimbikitsa ubwenzi kapena chikondi pakati pawo. Zotsatira zake, zododometsa zakunja zikayamba, anthu awiriwa amazindikira kuti ndi alendo. 

Kupatukana kungakhalenso chotulukapo cha kusintha kwaumwini. Munthu amene mudakwatirana naye ali ndi zaka 22 sali yemweyo ali ndi zaka 42, ndipo nthawi zina matembenuzidwe osinthikawa samagwirizana. Pamene okwatirana ambiri azindikira, mtunda umakhala waukulu kwambiri moti sangadutse, ndipo mwachisoni amasiyana, ponena kuti “sitilinso anthu ofanana.”

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9. Kusagwirizana ndi kusiyana kosagwirizana

Kusudzulana kulikonse kumaphatikizapo kusiyana, koma apa tikulankhula za kusagwirizana kwakukulu, komwe makhalidwe a anthu awiri , umunthu wawo, kapena zolinga zawo za moyo sizimalumikizana bwino. Kusagwirizana kumatha kukhala m'njira zambiri,

• Kusemphana kwa umunthu, komwe wina amakhala gulugufe wokonda kucheza, winayo ndi wapanyumba, ndipo palibe amene angalole
• Kusiyana kwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri monga maudindo a jenda, zipembedzo, ndi zolinga zamtsogolo 
• Zosemphana ndizofunika kwambiri, pomwe wina amaona kuti ntchito ndi zokhumba zake ndizofunika kwambiri, pomwe wina amaika patsogolo nthawi yabanja
• Zizoloŵezi za moyo monga kukhala waudongo wophatikizidwa ndi slob, mtedza wathanzi ndi wosuta fodya, wowononga ndalama ndi saver

Kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzi, chikondi ndi kutengeka mtima zimatha kusokoneza ming'alu iyi. Koma pamene zenizeni ziyamba, kusiyana kumeneku kumawonekera. Ngati kusiyana kuli kokulirapo pa zinthu zomwe zili zofunikadi kwa m'modzi kapena onse awiri, banja limayamba kumva ngati kukangana kosalekeza komwe wina amayenera kusokoneza umunthu wake. Uwu ndi malingaliro otopetsa omwe maanja amasiya kukhala okondana. Pamapeto pake, ambiri amasankha kuti ndi osiyana kwambiri kuti azitha kugwira ntchito ndikugawana njira.

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Vidiyo iyi ikufotokoza kafukufuku wa John Gottman wa momwe makhalidwe ena angalosere kusudzulana molondola kwambiri. Zizindikiro zazikulu zochenjeza zimaphatikizapo kuyambika kwaukali, "okwera pamahatchi anayi" (kudzitchinjiriza, kunyozedwa, kudzudzula, kugwetsa miyala), kusefukira kwamalingaliro, kupsinjika kwakuthupi, kukumbukira koyipa, ndi kuyesa kulephera kukonza. Uthenga wake ndi wakuti ndewu si vuto—chofunika n’chakuti okwatirana angagwirizanenso ndi kukonzanso pambuyo pa kusamvana. Pachiyambi chake, ndewu zambiri zimangofuna kulumikizana, osati nkhani yapamtunda.

Ubwenzi ndi kusagwirizana maganizo

Banja lathanzi limafuna ubwenzi wapamtima, wakuthupi ndi wamaganizo. Ubwenzi umenewu ukazimiririka, ubwenziwo ungayambe kukhala wopanda pake. Kaya ndi moyo wosakhutiritsa kapena wosakhalapo wogonana kapena kusatalikirana pakati pa okwatirana, izi nthawi zambiri zimayamba pang'onopang'ono koma zimatha kuyambitsa kusasangalala kwakukulu. Tiyeni tione zina mwa zifukwa zomwe zimachititsa kuti anthu azisudzulana chifukwa cha ubwenzi wawo:

10. Kupanda ubwenzi wakuthupi ndi wamalingaliro

Maukwati amakula chifukwa cha ubwenzi. Osati kugonana kokha, koma chikondi, chikondi, ndi kumverera kwapafupi. Ubwenzi ukatha, banja lingasinthe mosavuta kuchoka paubwenzi wokondana kwambiri kupita kukukhala pamodzi kwa platonic. Kukhala ndi nthawi yaitali popanda kugonana kwenikweni kungachititse m’modzi kapena onse aŵiri kudziona ngati wokanidwa, wosafunika, ndiponso wokhumudwa, zomwe zimapangitsa kukhala chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu za kusudzulana. 

Ukwati wopanda kugonana ndi wofala kwambiri ndipo nthawi zambiri sumakhala vuto ngati onse awiri ali ogwirizana. Koma nthawi zambiri, mnzawo m'modzi sakugwirizana nawo. Kusagonana nthawi zonse kungayambitse kusamvana ndi kusungulumwa komwe kumawononga mgwirizano. Mwamuna kapena mkaziyo angayambe kudzifunsa ngati izi ndi zomwe zilipo, ndipo nthawi zina angafune kukhutitsidwa kwina.

Kusowa kwa ubwenzi kungapitirire kunja kwa chipinda chogona. Ngati okwatirana asiya kugawana malingaliro awo ndi malingaliro awo, kapena osakhala ndi nthaŵi yatanthauzo pamodzi, amataya “chinyezi” ndi mabwenzi amene amasunga chikondi. Atha kukhala pansi pa denga limodzi koma amakhala ndi moyo wosiyana. Anthu ambiri amene amasudzulana amanena kuti anasiya kuwakonda kapena sanawakonde kwa nthawi yaitali. 

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11. Zoyembekeza zosayembekezereka

Kulowa m'banja ndi magalasi a pinki kungapangitse banja kukhala lokhumudwa. Ngati m'modzi kapena onse awiri ali ndi ziyembekezo zosayembekezereka za momwe ukwati uyenera kukhalira, zenizeni sizingachitike. Pakapita nthawi, kukhumudwa kumeneko kungayambitse mkwiyo ndi chisoni. Ndipotu, pafupifupi 45% ya anthu osudzulana mu kafukufuku wina anati ziyembekezo zosayembekezereka zokhudza ukwati zinapangitsa kuti banja lawo lithe. Zomwe anthu ambiri amayembekezera zosayembekezereka zimaphatikizapo zinthu monga,

• "Mkazi wanga adzakwaniritsa zosowa zanga zonse, zamaganizo, zamagulu, mwinanso zachuma." 
• Kukhala m'banja kumakhala kosangalatsa komanso kosangalatsa monga momwe tinalili pa chibwenzi. 
• Ngati ichi ndi 'chikondi chenicheni,' sichiyenera kukhala chovuta kapena chofuna kugwira ntchito. 

Zikhulupiriro zabwinozi zimatsutsana ndi chenicheni chakuti ukwati si nthano yokhazikika. Moyo watsiku ndi tsiku umabweretsa kunyong’onyeka, kupsinjika maganizo, mabilu, ndi kuchapa zovala zauve, zomwe siziri ndendende nkhani zamasewera achikondi. Ngati wina akuyembekeza kukhudzika kosatha kapena akuganiza kuti wokondedwa wake asintha mwamatsenga pambuyo paukwati, ali pachiwonetsero chamwano. Maukwati ambiri amasokonekera chifukwa cha kulemera kwa zomwe munthu ankaganiza kuti ziyenera kukhala zosiyana ndi momwe zilili. 

12. Kupanda kulinganiza moyo wa ntchito

M'dziko lamakono lotanganidwa, "kukwatira chifukwa cha ntchito" kungawonongedi kukwatira munthu. Kafukufuku wapeza kuti maukwati ndi munthu wokonda ntchito nthawi zambiri amatha kutha ndi chisudzulo. Chifukwa chiyani? Mwamuna kapena mkazi wa munthu wokonda ntchito nthawi zambiri amamva kusungulumwa, kusagwirizana, komanso kukhala wachiwiri nthawi zonse. Zochitika zofunika m'banja zimasowa. Chakudya chamadzulo, tchuthi, komanso ngakhale nthawi yogona zokambirana zimasokonezedwa kapena kuperekedwa chifukwa cha ntchito. Pakapita nthawi, ubalewo umayamba kumveka ngati chinthu chomwe chachitika kale.

Wogwira ntchitoyo anganene kuti, "Ndikuchitira banja izi," koma izi sizichotsa kutalikirana komwe kumachitika. Ngati m'modzi alibe "nthawi yokwanira," ubwenzi ndi kulankhulana kumasokonekera. Mnzawo amene si wolimbikira ntchito atha kuchita ntchito zonse zapakhomo ndi zolerera yekha, kukulitsa mkwiyo. Ngati palibe chomwe chimasintha, pamapeto pake mkwiyowo ukhoza kukhala chisankho chochoka. 

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Zovuta zakunja ndi zochitika za moyo

Nthawi zina zifukwa za kusudzulana zimachokera ku zovuta zakunja kapena zochitika za moyo zomwe zimavutitsa ukwati . Zinthu zoterezi zingayambitse kusamvana kwakukulu ngakhale mwa okwatirana omwe ali ndi zolinga zabwino. Tiyeni tiwone zingapo zomwe zimafala:

13. Kukwatira wachichepere kwambiri

Kusunga nthawi ndikofunikira m'banja. Anthu okwatirana amene amakwatirana ali ndi zaka za m’ma 20 kapena 20 nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi mavuto ena amene anthu okalamba amapewa. Mwachidule, mukakhala wamng'ono kwambiri, simungadziŵe nokha kapena zomwe mukufuna mwa mnzanu. Anthu amakula kwambiri m’zaka zawo za m’ma 20, ndipo mwatsoka, maukwati ena sangapirire kukula kumeneko.

Chifukwa chiyani? Chinthu chimodzi chachikulu ndi kusakhwima maganizo, komanso nthawi zina zachuma. Achinyamata ongokwatirana kumene angakhale alibe luso lothetsera mikangano kapena kuleza mtima kofunikira m’banja. Nkhani zing'onozing'ono zimatha kukhala ndewu zazikulu chifukwa, kunena zoona, achinyamata ndi achikulire omwe amatha kuchita zinthu mopupuluma. Kuphatikiza apo, maanja achichepere nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi zovuta zakunja monga kumaliza maphunziro, kuyamba ntchito, ndi kuvutikira pazachuma, zonse nthawi imodzi ndikusintha moyo wabanja. Ndizovuta kwambiri pa mgwirizano watsopano. 

Pamene zaka zikupita, okwatirana omwe adakwatirana ali aang'ono kwambiri angapeze kuti pofika zaka za m'ma 20, akukula kukhala anthu osiyana kwambiri ndi omwe ankanena kuti "Ine ndimakonda." Chimene chinkaoneka ngati chikondi chenicheni ali ndi zaka 19 chingamveke ngati chovuta kapena chosagwirizana ali ndi zaka 30. Maukwati amenewa akalephera , nthawi zambiri zimakhala chifukwa chakuti awiriwa analibe zida kapena chidziwitso chodzisankhira mnzawo woyenera kapena kuthana ndi mavuto a moyo limodzi.

14. Kusamvana pa ana ndi makolo

Ana angayambitsenso mavuto aakulu ndi mikangano. Zimayamba ndi kusankha kukhala ndi ana nkomwe. Ngati m’modzi wa m’banja mwamseri kapena poyera sakufuna ana ndipo winayo akuwafuna, ndiko kusamvana kwakukulu kumene kungadzetse chisudzulo ngati sichikuthetsedwa. Ngakhale pamene onse avomereza kukhala ndi ana, kusiyana kwa kalembedwe ka makolo kungapangitse kusiyana pakati pa okwatirana. 

Mabanja angakangane pa chilichonse kuyambira njira zophunzitsira mpaka kusankha maphunziro mpaka kuchuluka kwa ana omwe angawasokoneze. Mikangano imeneyi ingakhale yoopsa chifukwa imakhudza mfundo ndi mantha omwe ali nawo. Sikophweka kungovomerezana kuti simukugwirizana pa momwe mungalerere munthu amene nonse mumamukonda. Ngati simukuthana nayo, mikangano ya makolo ingayambitse kusinthana kwa mlandu komwe kumakhudza mkwiyo wonse.

Chinthu chinanso chochititsa chidwi ndi pamene mwamuna ndi mkazi akuvutika kuti akhale ndi ana. Kusabereka komanso kupsinjika kwamankhwala kapena kulephera kuyesa kungathe kusokoneza maubwenzi omwe siwolimba. Ndipo ngati mwana ali ndi zosoŵa zapadera kapena nkhani zachipatala, mavuto owonjezerekawo angathe kugonjetsa maukwati ena. Tsiku lililonse likabweretsa mkangano watsopano wokhudza ana, maanja ena pamapeto pake amasankha kupatukana m'malo mopitiriza kumenyana pamaso pa ana omwe akuyesera kuwalera.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ubwino Wobisika wa Kusudzulana

15. Kusiyana kwa zipembedzo kapena chikhalidwe

"Chikondi chimagonjetsa zonse" zimamveka bwino, koma kwenikweni, kusiyana kwakukulu kwa chipembedzo kapena chikhalidwe kungayambitse mavuto aakulu m'banja. Okwatirana a zipembedzo zosiyanasiyana kapena amitundu yosiyanasiyana nthawi zambiri amalowa m'banja ndi ulemu wonse pa mbiri ya wina ndi mnzake. Komabe, mikangano ingabuke pa momwe angakhalire ndi makhalidwe abwino omwe ayenera kuyikidwa patsogolo. Mwachitsanzo, zikhulupiriro zosiyana zachipembedzo zingasemphane posankha momwe angalerere ana:

• Ndi chikhulupiriro chiti, ngati chilipo, anawo adzaphunzitsidwa? 
• Kodi adzabatizidwa kapena kukhala ndi bar mitzvah? 
• Kodi ndi maholide ati amene banjalo lidzakondwerera, ndipo lidzachita motani? 

Ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi samagwirizana, zingayambitse mikangano kawirikawiri ndipo ngakhale kukakamizidwa ndi achibale. Kusiyana kwazikhalidwe monga kubwera kuchokera kumitundu kapena mafuko osiyanasiyana kungayambitsenso kusamvana kapena kusagwirizana pa maudindo, njira zolankhulirana, kapena zomwe mabanja amayembekezera. Chikhalidwe china chingayembekezere kuti okwatiranawo azilandira achibale awo kaŵirikaŵiri kapena kuthandiza achibale awo mwandalama, pamene mwamuna kapena mkazi wa chikhalidwe china angaone kuti zimenezi n’zovuta kapena zolemetsa. 

M'kupita kwa nthawi, kusiyana kumeneku kungapangitse "ife kutsutsana nawo" kusintha. Ngati palibe munthu amene ali wokonzeka kuzolowera kapena simukugwirizana nazo pazimene zili zofunika pamoyo (zauzimu kapena chikhalidwe), kukanganako sikungatheke. N'zomvetsa chisoni kuti chikondi sichimagonjetsa kugawanika kwakukulu m'maganizo a dziko.

16. Kusokoneza mabanja ndi kukangana ndi apongozi

Mwambi wakale umati, “Ukakwatira munthu, umakwatira banja lake.” Kwa okwatirana ena, apongozi ndi achibale ena akhoza kukhala chifukwa chokhalira ndi nkhawa zomwe pamapeto pake zimawononga ukwati. Mwina makolo a mwamuna kapena mkazi amakhala olowerera kwambiri, akutsutsa chilichonse kuyambira momwe awiriwa amagwiritsira ntchito ndalama mpaka momwe amalerera ana. Kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi m'modzi angakhalebe wokonda kwambiri makolo awo kotero kuti nthawi zonse amakhala kumbali ya makolo awo kuposa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Zochitikazi zingayambitse mkwiyo waukulu. Ngati malire ndi apongozi sakukhazikitsidwa ndi kulemekezedwa, kusokoneza kungasinthe kuchoka pa mkwiyo kukhala woswa ukwati, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti chikhale chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zosudzulana.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 10 Othandiza Oti Mudzipatule Kwa Apongozi Anu

Zovuta komanso zosakambitsirana

Pomaliza, chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zosudzulana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto aakulu muubwenzi . Izi ndi nkhani zomwe nthawi zambiri sizimasiya mpata woti anthu agwirizane kapena kulekererana. Zinthu zimenezi zikachitika, kusudzulana nthawi zambiri sikumangomveka bwino komanso ndikofunikira kuti munthu akhale ndi chitetezo komanso moyo wabwino. Nazi mfundo zazikulu:

17. Nkhanza ndi nkhanza za m’banja

Nkhanza ndizochitika zomvetsa chisoni m’maukwati ena ndiponso pakati pa zifukwa zofala za kusudzulana. Izi zikuphatikizapo, 

• Nkhanza zakuthupi, monga kumenya, kutsamwitsidwa, kapena kuvulazidwa kulikonse 
• Zamoyo ndi kuzunza, monga kunyoza nthaŵi zonse, kulamulira makhalidwe, ziwopsezo, kapena mantha 
• Kugwiriridwa, komwe kumaphatikizapo kugwiriridwa kapena kukakamizidwa
• Kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama molakwika, komwe m'modzi amalamulira ndalama zonse ndi ufulu

Zonsezi zimaphwanya kukhulupirirana ndi chitetezo chimene ukwati umayenera kupereka. Chomvetsa chisoni n’chakuti anthu ambiri amene amachitiridwa nkhanza amapirira kwa zaka zambiri asanachoke, nthawi zambiri chifukwa cha mantha, kudalira ndalama, kapena kuyembekezera kuti mnzake wowachitira nkhanzayo asintha. Koma kawirikawiri, chiwawa chimapitirira kapena chikuwonjezeka. Pomalizira pake, ambiri amapeza kulimba mtima kwa kusudzulana monga njira yopulumutsira ndi chitetezo, makamaka ngati ana akhudzidwa. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Anathanirana ndi Matenda a Maganizo a Mkazi Wake

18. Kusathandizidwa ndi matenda amisala

Kulimbana ndi matenda a maganizo kungayambitse mavuto aakulu m'banja, makamaka ngati munthu amene akuvutikayo sakusamalira bwinobwino vuto lake. Kunena zomveka, kungokhala ndi matenda amisala sikuwononga ukwati. Anthu okwatirana ambiri amapirira ndipo amasangalala limodzi chifukwa cha kuvutika maganizo, nkhawa, matenda a maganizo ochititsa munthu kusinthasintha zochitika, ndi zina zotero, akalandira chithandizo choyenera ndi chithandizo choyenera. Komabe, ngati vuto la thanzi laubongo liri lalikulu kapena losathandizidwa, lingayambitse vuto losakhazikika. Mwachitsanzo, 

• Mwamuna kapena mkazi amene ali ndi matenda ochititsa munthu kusinthasintha maganizo osachiritsika akhoza kumangokhalira kuseŵera kapena kupsa mtima panthawi yachisokonezo, kenako n’kusiya kuvutika maganizo kwambiri kwa milungu ingapo, n’kusiya mnzakeyo nthawi zonse.
• Wina yemwe ali ndi vuto la kuvutika maganizo kwambiri akhoza kukhala osapezeka m'maganizo ndipo sangathe kuthandizira pa ubale kapena banja, kukakamiza wokondedwa wake kuti azisamalira maudindo onse komanso kusamalira nthawi zonse.
• Kusokonezeka kwa umunthu monga kusokonezeka kwa umunthu wa narcissistic kapena borderline personality kumatha kusokoneza kulankhulana ndi kukhulupirirana, nthawi zina kumayambitsa nkhanza zamaganizo kapena chisokonezo. 

Zikatero, kupsinjika maganizo kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wathanzi kungakhale kwakukulu. Akhoza kudziimba mlandu, chisoni, ndi kutopa poyesa kuthandiza okondedwa awo, nthawi zambiri amapirira makhalidwe opweteka. Ngati wodwalayo akakana chithandizo, akukana vutolo, kapena ngati chithandizo sichikuyenda bwino, banja likhoza kusokonekera ndipo pamapeto pake litha.

Kodi Zifukwa Zapamwamba Izi Zomwe Zimayambitsa Chisudzulo Zingapewedwe? 

Ngakhale palibe wamatsenga wotsimikizira chisudzulo, nkhani zambiri zomwe zili pamwambazi zitha kuthetsedwa kapena kupewedwa ndi khama. Nazi zina zothandiza, zokonda kuchita zomwe maanja akufuna kulimbitsa ukwati wawo:

• Invest in communication: Khalani ndi chizoloŵezi cholankhula kwenikweni ndi kumvetsera mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu nthawi zonse. Musalole kuti nkhawa zizikula mwakachetechete. Lingalirani uphungu kapena zokambirana za maanja Pangani kukambirana luso mikangano isanazike. Kukambirana momasuka, moona mtima kuli ngati kusamalira banja lanu. Zimapangitsa kuti zinthu ziziyenda bwino
• Khazikitsani zoyembekeza zenizeni: Dzikumbutseni kuti palibe ubale wabwino. Padzakhala zokwera, zotsika, ndi zosasangalatsa pakati. Osafanizira ukwati wanu ndi zachikondi zaku Hollywood kapena chakudya chanu chapa media. Yembekezerani kuti nthawi zovuta zidzafika, ndipo vomerezani monga okwatirana kukumana nawo monga gulu m'malo moganiza "mwachimwemwe mpaka kalekale" kumatanthauza kusachita khama. Kusunga zoyembekeza zenizeni kungalepheretse kukhumudwa kwakukulu
• Konzani ndalama pamodzi ngati gulu: Nkhani zandalama ndizosavuta kuthana nazo ngati onse awiri ali okhudzidwa komanso akuwonekera poyera. Pangani bajeti limodzi, vomerezani zolinga zazikulu zachuma, ndipo muzifufuza ndalama nthawi zonse. Mwanjira iyi, palibe zodabwitsa zonyansa monga ngongole yobisika. Mukapanga zisankho zachuma limodzi, zimakulitsa kukhulupirirana. Ngati mmodzi kapena nonse mukuvutika ndi kuwononga ndalama kapena ngongole, ganizirani kukaonana ndi mlangizi wazachuma. Musalole kuti mavuto azachuma azikula mobisa
• Pezani nthawi yaubwenzi ndi kuyamikira: Ngakhale moyo utakhala wotanganidwa bwanji, pezani nthawi yabwino. Izi zitha kukhala zophweka ngati kucheza kwa mphindi 15 usiku uliwonse popanda zododometsa, kukhala ndi tsiku la sabata sabata iliyonse, kapena kuthawa mwa apo ndi apo. Komanso sonyezani kuyamikira tsiku lililonse. Nenani kuti zikomo chifukwa cha zinthu zazing'ono, yamikirani wina ndi mnzake, ndipo sonyezani chikondi. Kusunga kugwirizana kwamaganizo ndi thupi ndikofunika kwambiri "kutsimikizira nkhani" ukwati wanu. Zimakuthandizani nonse kumva kuti ndinu ofunika komanso okondedwa kunyumba
• Fufuzani chithandizo mwamsanga pazovuta zazikulu: Ngati muwona zizindikiro za vuto lalikulu, kaya kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kuvutika maganizo, kapena kukangana kosalekeza, musadikire kuti mupeze thandizo la akatswiri. Anthu okwatirana ambiri amachedwa mpaka kuwononga kwambiri. Kufikira wothandizira, gulu lothandizira, kapena dokotala pachizindikiro choyamba cha vuto kungalepheretse vuto kuti lichuluke. Sikophweka kuvomereza kuti ukwati umafunika thandizo, koma kuthetsa mavuto mwamsanga m'malo mochedwa kumawonjezera mwayi wopulumutsa chibwenzicho.

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Kaŵirikaŵiri kusudzulana sikumakhudza chifukwa chimodzi. Nthawi zambiri, ndi kuphatikiza kwa zinthu zomwe zimamangika mpaka ubale umakhala wosakhazikika. Kusankha kusudzulana kumakhala kwaumwini ndipo nthawi zambiri kumakhala kowawa. Nthawi zina, mwachitsanzo, kuzunzidwa kosalekeza kapena zizolowezi zoopsa, kuthetsa banja kungakhale chisankho chabwino kwambiri kwa aliyense wokhudzidwa. Palibe manyazi pozindikira zimenezo. Nthawi zina, maanja atha kudabwa ngati akadaletsa kupatukana pothana ndi mavuto kale kapena mosiyana.

Ngati kuwerenga izi kwapangitsa kuti muwone zizindikiro zina zochenjeza muubwenzi wanu, musataye mtima. Kuzindikira vuto ndi sitepe yoyamba. Lankhulani ndi wokondedwa wanu, ganizirani uphungu, ndipo kumbukirani chifukwa chake munasankhira wina ndi mzake. Chofunika koposa, dziwani kuti simuli nokha. Pafupifupi banja lililonse limavutika nthawi ina, ndipo ambiri abwerera kuchokera m'mphepete mwamphamvu. Pamapeto pake, ukwati ndi ulendo, ndipo pamene msewu ukhoza kukhala wamiyala, okwatirana omwe amayendera zoopsa pamodzi nthawi zambiri amapeza mgwirizano wozama kumbali ina. Ndipo kwa iwo amene satero, pali moyo ndi kukula pambuyo pa chisudzulo. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, kumvetsetsa zomwe zimayambitsa kusudzulana kumeneku ndi sitepe lopita ku maubwenzi abwino komanso, mwachiyembekezo, zosweka mtima zochepa mtsogolomu.

17 Zizindikiro Ukwati Siungathe Kupulumutsidwa

Zinthu 8 Zomwe Zingawononge Banja

Zizindikiro 10 za Ukwati Wopanda Chikondi Ndi Momwe Mungagwiritsire Ntchito

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.