Kuyambira liti ukwati wake wakhala ngati ufa wongodikira kuphulika? Rita sanakumbukire. Koma zinkaoneka ngati zaka zambiri kuchokera pamene iye ndi mwamuna wake anakambitsirana mwamtendere kapena kuseka. Ndipotu kukambirana kunali kochepa, chifukwa onse awiri ankaopa kuti mawu angayambitse ndewu. Koma ndithudi payenera kukhala njira zabwinoko zothetsera mkwiyo muubwenzi kusiyana ndi kukhala chete, chabwino?
Kuwongolera mkwiyo mu maubwenzi kuli ngati kuyenda pazingwe. Mkwiyowo uli ngati lupanga lakuthwa konsekonse. Mukapanda kukonzedwa bwino, mkwiyo ukhoza kuyambitsa kutukwana, kumutukwana, ngakhalenso kumenyedwa kumene. Kumbali inayi, ngati mkwiyo wasonyezedwa moyenerera ndipo kusamvana kungathe kuchitidwa moyenera, mkwiyo ukhoza kubweretsa okwatirana kuyandikana ndi kulimbitsa ubwenziwo.
Ndiye, kodi ndimotani momwe munthu amafotokozera bwino momwe akumvera akakwiya? Kodi zifukwa zokwiyira paubwenzi ndi ziti, ndipo zimalozera ku mavuto akulu akulu? Tiyeni tiyankhe mafunso anu onse oyaka moto, kuti muthe kumvetsetsa momwe mungayendetsere mkwiyo muubwenzi.
5 Zomwe Zimayambitsa Mkwiyo Pamaubwenzi
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kafukufuku wa mu 2018 wofalitsidwa mu Journal of Research in Personality akufotokoza za "mkwiyo wozungulira m'maubwenzi achikondi". Umafotokoza momwe kuchitiridwa nkhanza ndi mnzanu wachikondi kumadzutsa mkwiyo, ndipo zimenezo zingayambitse kubwezera nkhanza zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale khalidwe lowononga komanso mkwiyo. Kuti athetse vutoli, mnzawo m'modzi ayenera kuchita zinthu mosamala ndikukana kutenga nawo mbali mu khalidwe lowononga.
Malinga ndi akatswiri, mkwiyo wambiri umayamba m'banja kuposa muubwenzi wina uliwonse. Mikangano ingabuke m'banja kapena muubwenzi wokhala pamodzi chifukwa chongokhala pafupi nthawi zonse, makamaka masiku ano ogwira ntchito kunyumba. Palibe amene ali wangwiro. Zoyembekezera zosiyana kuchokera ku ubale wa nthawi yayitali zingayambitsenso mavuto a mkwiyo.
Komabe, pangakhalenso zifukwa zenizeni zokwiyirana muubwenzi wa okwatirana. Zomwe zimayambitsa zimatha kukhala zamkati kapena zakunja. “Chimene akufuna kuti ndichite ndicho kundilalatira chifukwa chakuti sindili munthu wonyansa,” anatero Josephine, ponena za mkangano wokhazikika m’banja lake wokhudza mbale zauve ndi zovala zovumbulutsidwa.
"Iye amakwiya, ndipo amalephera. Iye ndithudi ali ndi nkhani zaukali, popeza kukambirana kumodzi kumasanduka mamiliyoni ndipo tisanadziwe, tikumenyana pa nthawi imeneyo sindinamutengere kumbali yake pamene mabwenzi ake adanena za zovala zake.
Kulamulira mkwiyo wanu nthawi yomweyo si chinthu chomveka bwino padziko lapansi. M'malo mwake, muyenera kuchitapo kanthu, kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu ndikupeza zoyenera kuchita. Kuti muthetse mkwiyo muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kuti onse awiri avomereze zomwe zidayambitsa. Nazi zina zomwe zimayambitsa mkwiyo mu maubwenzi:
1. Chifukwa chachikulu chakukwiyira muubwenzi: Chinyengo
Chibwenzi chingayambitse mkwiyo waukulu kwa mnzanu wonyenga. Ngakhale awiriwa atathetsa vutoli ndikukhalabe limodzi, pakhoza kukhala kutaya chidaliro komanso mkwiyo wotsala. Mumadzifunsa nthawi zonse ngati muyenera kukhululukira mnzanu wonyenga kapena ayi, zomwe zingayambitse mkwiyo waukulu.
Maya ndi Dev anali m'banja zaka zisanu. Dev atazindikira kuti Maya ali ndi chibwenzi, adakhumudwa kwambiri. Ngakhale awiriwa adaganiza zopatsa mwayi ukwati wawo, Dev sakanakhululukira kapena kuiwala. Izi zinapangitsa kuti nthawi zambiri azipsa mtima pa zinthu zazing'ono.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Pamene Mkazi Akupeza Ndalama Zambiri Kuposa Mwamuna
2. Ndalama
Ngati bwenzi limodzi lokha limayang'anira zosankha zonse zokhudzana ndi ndalama, zingayambitse mkangano waukulu ndi mkwiyo. Nthawi zambiri, bwenzi lomwe limalandira ndalama zambiri komanso kupereka ndalama zambiri ku ndalama zapakhomo ndiye amapanga zisankho. Izi sizowona kwenikweni.
Mwachitsanzo, okonza nyumba sanganene zambiri za ndalama zomwe zimagwiritsidwa ntchito. Komabe, popeza ndicho chifukwa chachikulu cha mkwiyo muubwenzi, maanja akuyenera kukhala ndi njira yofanana yopangira zisankho zomwe zimawapangitsa onse awiri kumva kuti amalemekezedwa ndi kuyamikiridwa.
3. Mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana
Ngati banja silingathe kukambirana za mavuto awo okhudzana ndi kugonana momasuka ndikupeza njira yothetsera mavutowo, zikhoza kukhala chifukwa cha mkwiyo waukulu. Naomi anali ndi chilakolako chachikulu chogonana poyerekeza ndi David, mwamuna wake, yemwe anali wokonda ntchito kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri, mwamuna wake anali wotopa kwambiri kapena wotanganidwa kwambiri moti sankafuna kugonana. Izi zinapangitsa Naomi kusakhutira komanso kusasangalala. Chomwe chinamukwiyitsa kwambiri chinali chakuti anali atatchula nkhaniyi kangapo koma mwamuna wake anayesa kuchepetsa vutoli.
4. Kupanda ulemu ndi kumvetsetsa
Pamene wina akunyoza kapena kunyoza mnzake, zimasonyeza kupanda ulemu. Nthawi zina pamakhala kusamvana kwa mphamvu mu ubale. Wokondedwayo angasonyeze kupanda ulemu ndi kukwiya nthawi zambiri. Koma zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti mnzanu wogonjerayo samva. Kusamva bwino kwa mnzako m'modzi kungapangitse winayo kukhala wosamvetsetseka.
Zifukwa zina za m’katimo ndi kusiyana kwa ndale kapena zipembedzo, kugaŵikana mopanda chilungamo kwa ntchito zapakhomo ndi mathayo osamalira ana, vuto la apongozi, ndi kusagwirizana pankhani ya kulera ana. Zifukwa zakukwiyira pachibwenzi zitha kukhala zambiri, chofunikira ndichakuti onse amaloza kusalemekeza munthu.
5. Zifukwa zakunja
Kukhumudwa kwa ntchito ndi chifukwa chofala chakunja. Helen ankaona kuti sakuyamikiridwa ndi abwana ake. Ankaonanso kuti wanyanyalidwa chifukwa nthawi zonse ankaoneka ngati munthu womaliza kusiya ntchitoyo. Zimenezi sizinangotopa ndi kumupanikiza maganizo komanso kupanda chilungamo kunamukwiyitsanso kwambiri kunyumba. Akangobwera kuchokera kuntchito anapeza zinthu zili panyumba, ankapsa mtima kwambiri.
Kusadzidalira kapena kukhala munthu wodziletsa kungayambitse mavuto a mkwiyo. Kukulira m'banja losagwira ntchito bwino kapena lachiwawa, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, mavuto azaumoyo monga kuthamanga kwa magazi ndi kuvutika maganizo, ndi zina mwa zinthu zakunja. Ngakhale kutentha kungapangitse munthu kukhala wokwiya kwambiri, ngati mutaganizira bwino.
Ngati mufika pazifukwa izi poyesa kudziwa momwe mungalamulire mkwiyo nthawi yomweyo osaulola kuti uwonekere, simukuchita bwino kwambiri. Kodi mungaiwaledi mkwiyo wanu ndi kusaulola kuti uwoneke m'mawu?
Chinthu choyenera kuchita ndikupeza momwe mungachitire. Makamaka ngati mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungachitire ndi munthu amene ali ndi vuto la mkwiyo muubwenzi, kudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi malingaliro oipa omwe akusefukira muubongo wanu ndi chidziwitso chofunikira. Komabe, tisanachite zimenezo, tiyeni tiwone momwe sizikuchitidwira moyenera.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 21 Zosalemekezana Mu Ubwenzi
Mmene Mkwiyo Ungathere Mosayenera
Pali njira zisanu zodziwika bwino zomwe anthu ambiri amachitira ndi mkwiyo - kutulutsa mawu, kusalankhula, kuchita zachipongwe (zankhonya zobisika, zonyoza, zokakamira), kupondereza, ndi kutembenuza mkwiyo mkati. Kulephera kudziletsa komanso kutulutsa mawu mopupuluma komanso mopanda kulingalira kumatanthauza kuti mumanena kapena kuchita zinthu zomwe zingakhumudwitse wokondedwa wanu komanso zowononga ubale wanu.
Njira ina yovulaza yochotsera mkwiyo ndiyo kupondereza. Mwanjira imeneyi mkwiyowo umakhalabe pansi pa nthaka wokonzeka kuphulika pakuputako pang’ono. Kupondereza mkwiyo kwa nthawi yayitali kungayambitse mphwayi ndi mtunda wamalingaliro pakati pa okondedwa.
Mukayesa kuthana ndi mnzanu amene ali ndi vuto la kuletsa mkwiyo, mungasankhe kuletsa wanu, pofuna kuti zinthu zisaipireipire. Koma mukafika pamlingo woletsa ndipo simungathenso kunena nkhani yanu, zinthu zimatha kuipiraipira kwambiri.
Njira zothana ndi mkwiyo wosayenera zimawononga ubale wanu kuposa momwe mukudziwira. Posazindikira zifukwa zaukali mu maubwenzi, zonse zomwe timachita ndikulola kuti malingaliro oipa alowe mu cesspool wa poizoni, zomwe zimathera kusokoneza maubwenzi athu. Kuti zimenezi zisachitike, n’kofunika kudziwa mmene mungachitire.
Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Nkhani Zowongolera Mkwiyo Paubwenzi
Njira yabwino kwambiri yothanirana ndi mkwiyo muubwenzi ndi kuukonza ndi kuufotokoza moyenera. Malinga ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso mphunzitsi wa makolo ku Bengaluru, Dr. Meghna Singhal, anati: “Kupewa khalidwe loipa muubwenzi monga kuukira mnzanu mwachindunji (kumuimba mlandu kapena chiwawa) kapena mwanjira ina (kudzera m’mawu onyoza kapena kulankhula ndi thupi, monga kutembenuza maso anu) ndi sitepe yoyamba yothetsera mkwiyo moyenera.”
Chachiwiri, akuti, ndikofunikira kuti kulumikizana kukhale kotseguka ndikulunjika ndikugwiritsa ntchito mawu a 'I' kuti mufotokoze zakukhosi kwanu kwa wokondedwa wanu. Mwachitsanzo, kunena kuti: “Ndimaona kuti palibe amene ndamva pempho langa koma silinandilabadila,” limachititsa kuti maganizo anu azingoganizira za mmene mukumvera m’malo moimba mlandu munthu winayo.
Dr. Singhal akugogomezera kufunika kosankha nthawi yoyenera kukambirana nkhani zokangana. Ndi bwino kuyimitsa zokambiranazo kusiyana ndi kukhala ndi nkhawa - mwachitsanzo, pamene muli pakati pokonzekera ulaliki!
"Mbali yachitatu yofunika ndikulongosola m'maganizo mwanu chomwe cholinga cha mkangano ndi chiyani. Ndikufuna chiyani? Ndikufuna kutsimikiziridwa - kuti wokondedwa wanga avomereze momwe ndikumvera chisoni? Kapena, kodi ndikufuna kupeza njira yothetsera vutoli? Kuyankhulana ndi cholinga ichi kwa wokondedwa wanu n'kofunikanso, "akutero. Nazi malingaliro ena a momwe mungasamalire mkwiyo muubwenzi:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Mungatani Ngati Mwamuna Kapena Mkazi Wanu Akunena Zinthu Zopweteka?
1. Zindikirani zizindikiro za mkwiyo
Mfundo yoyamba yoyendetsera mkwiyo mu maubwenzi ndikuzindikira pamene muli panjira yokwiya. Izi ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zochenjeza zomwe zimachitika kawirikawiri - kumangirira kapena kupindika manja, kupuma mofulumira, kumva kugwedezeka, kugwedezeka kwa mawu, kuyenda mozungulira chipinda, kumverera kwa chifuwa, kugwedezeka kwa khosi ndi mapewa, ndi kugunda kwa mutu.
2. Siyani m'dera la mikangano
Zimenezi n’zofanana ndi kupatsa mwana ‘nthawi yopuma’ kuti azizire. Musananyamuke, auzeni mnzanuyo kuti mukufunikira nthawi yokha. Osachoka mukuphonya chitseko kumbuyo kwanu. Ndipo, kumbukirani kusiya kulankhulana muubwenzi sikukufikitsani kulikonse.
Rhea adapeza kuti njira ya "nthawi yomaliza" ndiyothandiza kwambiri m'banja lake lomwe linali lovuta. Akanakhala kuti sanatuluke m’chipindamo nthaŵi zambiri ndewu yoipa inali kuyandikira kwambiri, mwina banja lake likanatha zaka zambiri zapitazo. Ngati mukuyesera kuthana ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi vuto laukali pachibwenzi, kutenga nthawi kuti mudziwe momwe mungasinthire malingaliro anu kudzakuthandizani kwambiri.
3. Khalani ndi machitidwe ochepa oletsa kupsa mtima
Izi ndi zina zosavuta zowongolera mkwiyo zomwe mungathe kuchita. Pitani koyenda mwachangu chifukwa kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kumathandizira kutulutsa mkwiyo. Yesetsani kupuma mozama. Werengani pang'onopang'ono mpaka zana. Yesani kudzilankhula - kudziwuza nokha kuti mupumule. Zimathandiza kulemba zomwe zikuyambitsa mkwiyo wanu.
Kumvetsera nyimbo zolimbikitsa, kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza ndi chiweto chanu, kapena kungodzipezera nokha kapu ya tiyi kungathandizenso. Njira zanthawi yayitali zothanirana ndi mkwiyo zimaphatikizapo yoga, kusinkhasinkha, komanso kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi pang'onopang'ono kuti muchepetse kupsinjika.
4. Pewani kudandaula kwa munthu wachitatu
Mukakwiyira mnzanu pamakhala chizolowezi chogawana tsatanetsatane wa mkanganowo ndi munthu amene mumamudalira - mnzanu wapamtima kapena wachibale. Ngakhale izi zingakupatseni mpumulo kwakanthawi, mnzanuyo akhoza kudziteteza. Ndi bwino kuthetsa vutoli pakati panu nonse awiri. Nthawi zina, mnzanu mmodzi akakwiya kwambiri, zingakhale zofunikira kuuzana.
Malingaliro a munthu wachitatu angakhalenso othandiza kuti amveke bwino. Oweruza ali pamfundoyi, koma yesetsani kuti musalankhule zinthu ndi anthu ena zomwe zingakhumudwitse mnzanuyo. Ngati mutero, mukhoza kumangowapatsa chifukwa china chokwiyira inu.
5. Kumvetsetsa gwero lenileni la mkwiyo
Nthawi zina choyambitsa mkwiyo chingakhale chaching'ono koma pangakhale choyambitsa chachikulu. Mwachitsanzo, mukhoza kukwiya chifukwa mnzanu akukudikirani.
Choyambitsa chenicheni cha mkwiyocho chingakhale kudzimva wopanda chisungiko monga momwe mungadziwone kukhala wosafunika kwenikweni m’moyo wake. Kapena, mkwiyo ukhoza kubisa nkhawa zanu kuti mudzachedwa pa chochitika. Zikatero, kulamulira mkwiyo ndi nkhaŵa n’zofunika.
6. Dziwani anthu amene ali ndi maganizo oipa
'Kusokonezeka kwachidziwitso' kungayambitse mkwiyo nthawi zina. Ena a iwo amangokhalira kuchita zinthu mwachiphamaso, kudzitengera yekha chilichonse, kuimba mlandu, kunyalanyaza zabwinozo, kufulumira kuganiza mozama, kukokomeza mkhalidwewo, ndi kuimba mlandu mnzawo pa nkhani zazing’ono. Kuzindikira kupotoza kumeneku kudzakuthandizani kukonzanso malingaliro anu moyenera komanso moyenera.
M’malo mongoyesetsa kulamulira mkwiyo mwamsanga, muyenera kupeza maganizo olakwika amene amayambitsa mkwiyo. Mwanjira imeneyo, mudzatha kudziwa zomwe muyenera kuchita.
7. Chotsani chizoloŵezi cha kusakonda
Osakulitsa mkwiyo wanu polingalira zinthu zopweteka za m’mbuyomo. Siyani chakukhosi. Izi zidzaonetsetsa kuti zam'mbuyo sizikusokonezani komanso kukulitsa mkwiyo wanu. Nthawi zonse pamene Richard ndi Rene ankamenyana, Richard ndi Rene ankangokhalira kumenya nkhondo. Izi zinangomukwiyitsa kwambiri.
8. Lankhulani mukakhazikika
Mukangokhazika mtima pansi ndikupeza bwino zomwe zili m'mutu mwanu, ndi nthawi yoti mulankhule ndi mnzanu. Onetsetsani kuti mnzanuyo nayenso wakonzeka kukambirana. Ngati pakufunika kupepesa, pemphani. Khalani olimba mtima koma osati okangana. Fotokozani momveka bwino zomwe mukufuna ndipo fotokozani njira yothetsera vutoli. Ngati mukuona kuti maganizo anu ndi abwino, mutha kuyesa kugwiritsa ntchito nthabwala kuti muchepetse kupsinjika maganizo. Kupatula kulankhula, mvetserani mnzanuyo akulankhula.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungalekere Kukwiya Ndi Mkwiyo Mu Ubwenzi
9. Osamangoganizira zopambana
Pamapeto pake, sikofunikira kuti munthu mmodzi apambane mkanganowo. Ndikofunika kuthetsa nkhaniyo mokhutiritsa onse awiri. Komabe, ngati simungagwirizane, phunzirani kusiya. Dziwani nthawi yoti musiye kumenyana. Izi ndizofunikira makamaka ngati mukuyesera kuthana ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi mkwiyo pachibwenzi. Zotsutsana sizokhudza "kupambana". Muzipatsana nthawi yoti muzizime, ndipo yesani kupeza cholinga cha nkhondoyi.
10. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri
Ngati mukuona kuti mkwiyo ukuwononga thanzi lanu lakuthupi ndi lamaganizo ndi ubale wanu, ingakhale nthaŵi yopempha thandizo. Makalasi owongolera mkwiyo adzakupangirani njira zothandiza. Mutha kusankha kulandira chithandizo (kapena chithandizo cha anthu awiri) komwe mungamvetse bwino zomwe zimayambitsa mkwiyo wanu.
Ngati simungathe kumvetsetsa zifukwa zomwe zimakwiyitsa chibwenzi chanu kapena mukuyesera kuthana ndi mnzanu amene ali ndi vuto lothana ndi mkwiyo, kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri kungakuthandizeni kupeza chifukwa chake. Ngati mukufuna thandizo, gulu la akatswiri azaumoyo wamaganizo la Bonobolgy lili pafupi.
Monga tanenera poyamba paja, mkwiyo ungakhale wothandiza pazochitika zina. Dr. Singhal anati: “Ngati mutulutsa mpweya wabwino, ndiye kuti mkwiyo ungapangitse okwatirana kukhala pa ubwenzi wolimba.
Ndi maganizo olakwika kuti mkwiyo si mbali ya maubwenzi abwino. Koma mmene okwatirana amachitira ndi mkwiyo muukwati wawo kungakhale kusiyana pakati pa kukhala pamodzi kapena kupita njira zawo zosiyana. Kuwongolera bwino mkwiyo kumaphatikizapo kuzindikira momwe mukumvera komanso kupereka uthenga waukali kwa wokondedwa wanu m'njira yoyenera, yolimbikitsa.
Ibibazo
Mkwiyo ndi momwe munthu amamvera, ndipo aliyense amayenera kuumva, makamaka pa maubwenzi. Vuto limakhalapo ngati silikumvetsetseka ndikuthana nalo. Zikatero, kukwiyira mu maubwenzi sikubweretsa vuto lakuthupi kapena m'maganizo kwa okondedwa awo. Ziribe kanthu kuchuluka kwa mkwiyo kapena kuchuluka kwa mkwiyo, ngati sunachitidwe moyenera, ndi chifukwa chodetsa nkhawa.
Sikuti nthawi zonse kupsa mtima kumakhala kosayenera. Ngati china chake chomwe wokondedwa wanu wachita chakukwiyitsani, ndizabwino komanso kulimbikitsidwa kuti mukambirane. Koma pamene mkwiyo udziwonekera mwa khalidwe loipa ndi lapoizoni, kaŵirikaŵiri sizimaganiziridwa kukhala zachilendo kapena chinachake chimene chiyenera kuchitika.
Momwe Mungakhazikitsire Mtsikana Wanu Akamacheza Ndi Anyamata Ena
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
