Zizindikiro 11 Kuti Simuli Pabanja Mu Ubale

Ine ndi mnzanga tinali kucheza ndi kuonera Kugonana ndi The City (chiwonetsero, osati mafilimu!). Ndinayankhapo momwe Carrie anali wosakwatiwa nthawi zambiri paubwenzi pamene adathamangitsa Bambo Big ku New York, pamene adapitirizabe kukhala ndi maganizo (komanso mwakuthupi) osapezeka.

Mnzanga adakhala chete pang'ono, ndiye adati adalumikizana ndi Carrie kwathunthu. Wakhala mbali yaikulu ya zaka zake za m’ma 20 kukhala wosakwatiwa chifukwa abwenzi ake ambiri sanali okhudzidwa monga iye. Iye anali kuchita zinthu zolemetsa koma akumva chisoni komanso kusungulumwa muubwenzi.

"Koma, ungakhale single mu ubale?" anafunsa. Kupatula apo, mukadali mwaukadaulo ndi munthu ngakhale mutakhala osakwatiwa pachibwenzi. Linali funso lochititsa chidwi chifukwa mawu akuti 'muubwenzi' amati amakana kukhala wosakwatiwa.

Monga ndi nkhani zonse zapamtima, sizophweka. Chikondi, maubwenzi, ndi mavuto omwe amabweretsa, amabisala m'malo otuwa pakati pa "inde, ndili paubwenzi" ndi "kwenikweni, ndine wosakwatiwa".

Mwanjira ina, mutha kukhala pachibwenzi, komabe mumamva kuti palibe zambiri zomwe zasintha, kuti mukukhalabe osakwatiwa, koma ndizosasangalatsa. Zosokoneza? Musakhale, taphatikiza zizindikiro kuti mungakhale osakwatiwa muubwenzi komanso zomwe mbendera zofiira zili.

Kodi Kukhala Single Mu Ubwenzi Kumatanthauza Chiyani?

Mfundo ndi yakuti, palibe njira yodziŵira ngati muli paubwenzi kapena ayi. Ndi mitundu yonse ya zinthu zachinyengo zomwe zimabwera palimodzi ndipo mwachiyembekezo zimakupangitsani kuzindikira kuti ndinu osakwatiwa koma muli pachibwenzi.

Simungathe kukhala osakwatira, mwachitsanzo, kupita kukacheza ndi alendo ku bala ndikukhala moyo wanu motsatira zomwe mwasankha komanso zomwe mumakonda. Ayi, mumachitabe zinthu monga kusungitsa malo odyera, makanema ndi zina zotero. Muyenera kukumbukira nthawi yokumana ndi dokotala wa mano ndikumukumbutsa. Ndipo ngati ali ndi chilakolako, nthawi zina mumachita chibwenzi koma mukuganizira kusiyana pakati pa kugonana ndi kupanga chibwenzi.

Zindikirani momwe mukuchitira zonsezi. Mukakhala osakwatiwa muubwenzi, munthu amene mukuganiza kuti muli naye paubwenzi si bwenzi lomwe limagwira ntchito yofanana. O ayi, amakuponyera fupa lachikondi ndi kukopa kamodzi pakapita nthawi, koma nthawi zambiri umakhala wekha m'chikondi ichi. Ndipo mutsala pang'ono kudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndimadzimva ndekha muubwenzi wanga?"

Chabwino, ndichifukwa chakuti ndinudi. Mukudzitopetsa nokha kuti ndinu munthu yekhayo muubwenziwu ndipo mukudzitsimikizira kuti ndi mgwirizano weniweni. Simuli nokha, ambiri a ife timakonda kukhala paubwenzi wa mbali imodzi kusiyana ndi kukhala nokha. Koma kumbukirani, mukuyenera zambiri. Tiyeni tiwone zizindikiro zina zosonyeza kuti simuli paubwenzi, ndikudziwa nthawi yoti musiye.

Zizindikiro 11 Kuti Simuli Pabanja Mu Ubale

Nthawi zonse pamakhala zizindikiro zochenjeza mukakhala osakwatiwa pachibwenzi. Koma kachiwiri, sizingakhale zoonekeratu, makamaka ngati ndinu munthu amene mukufunadi kukhala paubwenzi ndi kulimbikitsa mgwirizano. Nazi zizindikiro kuti mwina simuli pabanja koma muli pachibwenzi.

1. Nthawi zonse ndi inu amene mukuchitapo kanthu

Tamverani, ndili ndi udindo wochitapo kanthu, kaya m'chipinda chogona kapena ayi! Koma si zomwe tikunena pano. Pali kusiyana pakati pa kukhala munthu wolimba mtima, wokonda maganizo ndi kuchita zinthu zonse zolemetsa muubwenzi nthawi zonse, kaya ndi zamaganizo kapena zakuthupi, zomwe ndi chizindikiro choopsa chaubwenzi.

Taganizirani izi. Kodi ndiwe amene umapanga mapulani nthawi zonse? Mukufuna kupita kunja, kupita kutchuthi, kugwirana chanza mukuyenda? Kodi nthawi zonse mumayesetsa kuti ubalewu ugwire ntchito, kupeza njira zokhalira limodzi, kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhale wolimba? Ndipo mnzanuyo angagwirizane nazo kapena sangagwirizane nazo, malinga ndi momwe akumvera.

Kusiyana pakati pa ubale wabwino ndi wosasangalatsa ndi kwakuti ubale wabwino ndi mgwirizano m'njira zonse. Mumagawana ndalama ndi maudindo, ndipo mumagawana ntchito zomwe ubale umafuna. Kaya ndi ntchito zapakhomo kapena kupanga nthawi yokumana, ndi ntchito yogawana.

Mukakhala osakwatiwa muubwenzi, mbali imodzi sikhala ikuchita kalikonse; kwenikweni, zingaoneke ngati alibe chidwi kukhala pa ubwenzi. Mukapereka malingaliro okacheza kapena chakudya chamadzulo chachikondi, angavomereze koma mopanda chidwi. Kapena anganene zifukwa zodzikhululukira, n’kumanena kuti adzakudziwitsani ndipo osadzabweranso. Kodi mungakhale osakwatiwa muubwenzi? Ife timaganiza choncho.

2. Chilichonse chimachitika malinga ndi momwe iwo afunira

Tsopano, aliyense ali ndi chizolowezi chake komanso muubwenzi wabwino, onse awiri amasintha ndi kulolerana ngati pakufunika kutero. Komabe, ngati simuli pa chibwenzi, posachedwapa mudzapeza kuti ndi inuyo amene nthawi zonse muyenera kusintha ndandanda yanu ndi kulolerana, zonsezi chifukwa chakuti amene mumamutcha kuti mnzanu sangasokonezeke pa mtengo uliwonse.

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Ndizosatheka kukhala ndi ubale wabwino kwambiri mu ubale uliwonse. Padzakhala nthawi zonse nsonga mu masikelo. Mmodzi akhoza kunyengerera pang'ono kuposa wina muzochitika zina koma maudindowa amasungidwa kutengera mutu womwe aliyense ali nawo.

Dzifunseni nokha - kodi nthawi zonse mumayenera kugwirizana ndi zomwe mumazolowera? Kaya ndikukumana kuti mudzamwe zakumwa kapena kukonzekera kupita kumapeto kwa sabata, zomwe mumachita komanso kupezeka kwanu sikukhala ndi vuto. Ndipo kuwonjezera apo, simukuwoneka kuti mulibe kanthu. Tsopano, mungatsutse kuti ndinu munthu wopatsa mwachibadwa ndipo simusamala kusinthira anthu omwe mumawakonda.

Tikhulupirireni, pamapeto pake, mudzatopa ndi kukwiya chifukwa chosintha zinthu nthawi zonse kuti mukhale ndi mnzanu amene sakukuchitirani zomwezo. Komanso, kodi mukufunadi kukhala paubwenzi wodzikonda ndi munthu amene amalandira ndi kulandira koma osapereka chilichonse pobwezera? Taganizirani izi.

3. Sizipezeka kawirikawiri mukafuna

Andie anati: “Ndinkakumana ndi mnyamata ameneyu kwa pafupifupi chaka chimodzi kenako ndinazindikira kuti palibe. “Sizinali chabe kuti anali mnzanga kulibe, sanali kukhalapo ngakhale nditangofuna kulankhula za tsiku loipa kapena nditagwa mphwayi ndipo ndinafunikira kukumbatiridwa.”

Andie anazindikira mwamsanga kuti ali pachibwenzi chotopetsa maganizo ndipo sanafune kudikira kuti adziwe ngati angasinthe. "Nthawi zonse ndinkakhalapo akamandifuna. Ngakhale zitakhala zazing'ono ngati kumuyendetsa kupita kuntchito masiku omwe galimoto yake inkafunika kugwira ntchito. Koma ngati ndimafuna thandizo kapena kungofuna kuti iye akhalepo kwa ine, sankapezeka kawirikawiri kapena sankapezekapo," akutero.

Ngati mumadzifunsa nthawi zonse kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndikumva osakwatiwa muubwenzi wanga?", Mungafune kuyang'ana bwino pa ubale wanu kuti muwone ngati ali ndi inu osachepera monga momwe mulili kwa iye. A tingachipeze powerenga chizindikiro cha kukhala wosakwatiwa mu ubwenzi ndi kuti pamene inu nthawizonse mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo alipo pamene akusowa, iwo alibe qualms za kukusiyani mu vuto pamene mukuwafuna.

4. Pali zinthu zochepa zomwe mumagawana

Sitikungonena za kugawana zakutali Loweruka usiku kapena kugawana ayisikilimu mukuyenda paki, ngakhale ngati ali antsy za kugawana zakutali, ndingalimbikitse kuwachotsa nthawi yomweyo. Koma, koposa apo, koposa zokonda ndi zokonda zogawana, yang'anani zinthu zapamtima, zofunika zomwe mumagawana, kapena ayi.

Mukakhala osakwatira koma muli pachibwenzi, mudzazindikira posachedwa kuti zinthu monga maudindo a paubwenzi zimakugwerani. Maudindo angatanthauze chilichonse kuyambira kugawana ntchito zapakhomo mpaka kuyesetsa kusunga ubale wanu kuti ukhale wolimba komanso kuonetsetsa kuti mukusangalala nthawi zonse mukamachita chibwenzi.

Mwina mwamudziwitsa kwa anzanu komanso mphaka wanu koma sakuwoneka kuti akufuna kukuphatikizani m'moyo wake. Mwina nthawi zonse mumafika kunyumba kwanu ndipo amakuikirani zifukwa zopita nanu kunyumba kwake. Chilichonse chomwe chiri, pamapeto pake, simukugawana chilichonse chofunikira.

Mu ubale wabwino komanso wa mbali ziwiri, ubwenzi ndi khama zimayendera mbali zonse ziwiri. Mukachita zinthu ngati simuli pabanja, posachedwa mudzapeza kuti zonse zikukugwerani. Izi zikachitika, mumadziwa kuti muli pamavuto ndipo nthawi yakwana yoti muchoke muubwenziwu.

5. Nthawi zonse mumadziganizira nokha

Mukakhala osakwatiwa pachibwenzi, posakhalitsa mudzaona kuti mukusiya kudzidalira posankha nokha zochita. Kudzidalira kwathu kochuluka kumangiriridwa momwe tingakonde kapena kukhudzika momwe timaganizira kuti ndife kwa ena ndipo ubale wambali imodzi udzakusiyani mukukayikira nokha.

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Charlie anati: “Ndinkangoonana ndi mtsikana amene ndinkamukonda kwambiri ndipo ndinkaona kuti timagwirizana kwambiri. “Nthaŵi zonse ndakhala munthu wodzidalira, ndipo ndimakonda kuchita zinthu mwanjira inayake.” Ndinakhala munthu wosatsimikizirika, wosatekeseka, amene nthaŵi zonse amakayikira chosankha chilichonse.

Ngati nthawi zonse mumakhala achisoni komanso osungulumwa muubwenzi, mukukayikira chilichonse chomwe mukupanga, pa moyo wanu komanso paubwenzi wanu, dziwani kuti mwina si inuyo. Mwina ndi nthawi yoti mufufuze mafunso awa okhudza ubwenzi ndikuwona ngati akukuchotserani mphamvu ndi chidaliro chanu. Ndipo ngati yankho lanu pa funso limenelo ndi 'inde,' ndi nthawi yoti mutuluke osayang'ananso m'mbuyo.

6. Safuna kudzipereka;

Yakwana nthawi yoti tikambirane za kudzipereka-phobes ndi 'chopereka' chawo ku maubwenzi a mbali imodzi. Tsopano, ndi chinthu chimodzi ngati muli paubwenzi wopanda zingwe ndipo nonse muli pa tsamba limodzi za malamulo. Koma chinthu chinanso ngati ndinu munthu wofuna kukhala paubwenzi wodzipatulira ndipo muli ndi munthu amene sangachitepo kanthu kapena kuipiraipira, simukudziŵa bwino lomwe.

Kodi mungakhale osakwatiwa muubwenzi? Mwamtheradi, makamaka ngati ndiwe yekha amene wadzipereka. Taganizirani izi. Kodi amapewa kukambirana za m'tsogolo? Kodi nthawi zambiri amalankhula mawu ngati 'ubwenzi womasuka' kapena amangonyoza ndi kunena kuti, "Ndani angalosere zam'tsogolo?

Palibe cholakwika ndi maubwenzi otseguka kapena chibwenzi chokhazikika bola ngati onse okhudzidwa akudziwa malamulo ndipo akufuna chinthu chomwecho. Koma mukakhala osakwatira muubwenzi, ndi inu amene mukufunadi kudzipereka, kukhazikika, ndi zina zotero, pomwe munthu amene mukuganiza kuti muli naye pachibwenzi akuonana ndi anthu ena mosasamala kapena sakufuna kuchitapo kanthu kuti amange tsogolo nanu. Palibe ubale womwe uyenera kukhala ndi mtendere wamumtima, ndipo ubale wa mbali imodzi suli woyenera.

7. Umakhala wosatetezeka nthawi zonse

Ukakhala wosatetezeka pachibwenzi, umakhala ndi mantha nthawi zonse. Kodi izi zikupita kuti? Kodi ndinu apadera kwa iwo monga momwe aliri kwa inu? Nchifukwa chiyani nthawi zonse amawoneka ngati khola mukawauza kuti mumawakonda kapena kuyesa kugwira dzanja lawo pagulu? Awa ndi mafunso omwe amakuvutitsani nthawi zonse mukakhala osakwatiwa.

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Margo anati: “Ndinazindikira kuti ndinali pachibwenzi pamene mnyamata amene ndinali kumuona ankangopita masiku angapo osakumana naye. “Ankangondichita chipongwe ndipo sindinkadziŵa kumene iye anali kapena kumene tinali paubwenzi.” Komanso sankaganiza kuti nayenso anali kulakwitsa chilichonse.

Kukhala wosakwatiwa paubwenzi kumatanthauza kuti chitetezo chanu chimachotsedwa pang'onopang'ono. Nthawi zonse mudzakhala mukudabwa komwe mumayima nawo, ngati ndinu abwino mokwanira. Mudzasanthula meseji iliyonse, kufunafuna matanthauzo obisika. Ndani akufunika sewero la mulingo wotere? Osati inu.

8. Amakuneneza kuti ndiwe wovuta

Inde, inde! Chizindikiro chachikulu kuti ndinu osakwatiwa muubwenzi ndikuti nthawi iliyonse mukapempha nthawi, chidwi ndi zina zotero, mumatsutsidwa kuti ndinu wovuta kwambiri. Tsopano, ubale uliwonse umakhala ndi nthawi yomwe phwando limodzi limakhala lovuta kwambiri ndipo limalephera kusamalira wokondedwa wawo momwe amafunira. Koma apa, simungawafunse kuti akuimbireni foni usiku wabwino popanda kutchulidwa kuti akufuna.

Pali kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa kupempha ufulu woyambira muubwenzi wachikondi ndi kukhala chibwenzi chouma mtima kwambiri . Koma mvetserani, mukuyenera kusamalidwa. Muyenera kukhala okhoza kulankhula ndikupempha zomwe mukufuna popanda kuchititsidwa manyazi nazo.

Inde, nthawi zina ntchito, maudindo a m'banja, ndi nthawi yanga zimakhala zofunika kwambiri. Koma muubwenzi wa mbali imodzi, nthawi zonse mumayesetsa kuchepetsa ngakhale zopempha zazing'ono za chikondi ndikuuzidwa kuti musiye. Ubale uwu si wabwino kwenikweni ndipo uyenera kukhala wabwino kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, imirirani ndikuchita zomwe mukufuna ndikulinganiza mphamvu zaubwenzi.

9. Nthawi zonse mumawakhululukira

Ndili ndi mlandu wodzikhululukira anthu amene ndimawakonda ngakhale atakhala ndi khalidwe loipa. Ndizovuta kuwona zibwenzi zathu kapena anthu omwe timayandikana nawo momveka bwino - timakonda kuwawona kudzera m'magalasi okhala ndi maluwa a rozi ndikumaganiza kuti ndiabwino kwambiri. Mwatsoka, iwo sali.

Tsopano, ndi umunthu kulakwitsa kapena kuchita moyipa nthawi zina. Ndipo zimangokhala ngati munthu kukhululuka kapena kungosokoneza khalidwe loipa. Koma kodi izi ndizomwe mukuchitira bwenzi lanu nthawi zonse? Kodi mumangokhalira kupanga nkhani za momwe amatanganidwa ndichifukwa chake adaphonya usiku / chakudya chanu chakubadwa / phwando labanja ndi zina zotero?

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Pamene mukonda munthu, mumayesetsa kukhala naye pa iye. Mumawonetsetsa kuti mukuwonekera pamene akufunikira. Ngati izo sizikuchitika nkomwe, ndipo inu mumapezeka nthawi zonse zifukwa kumene iwo ali, chifukwa chiyani iwo saonekera, ndi / kapena mmene zilili bwino kuti iwo sali okonzeka kudzipereka, ndi nthawi yoti ayang'anire ndi kusiya ubale uwu wa mbali imodzi ndipo mwina kukumbatira zozizwitsa moyo wosakwatiwa kapena kuyang'ana mnzanu muyenera.

10. Sakudziwitsani kwa anzanu kapena achibale

Tidachitapo izi kale, koma tiyeni tiwone bwino. Tonse ndife ammudzi, ngakhale mutakhala nokha ngati ine ndipo muyenera kukokedwa m'magulu abanja ndi abwenzi. Kwabwino kapena koyipa, tili ndi mabanja, mabwenzi omwe timawakhulupirira ndi moyo wathu ndi zina zotero. Palibe amene amakhala mu vacuum (ngakhale ena aife timafuna nthawi zina!).

Maubwenzi ambiri okondana amakonda kufalikira m'miyoyo ya onse awiri. Simukuyenera kukhala mabwenzi apamtima ndi achibale ndi abwenzi a mnzanuyo, koma mudzawadziwa ndikuwadziwa. Ndipo iwonso adzakhala atamva za inu ndipo akufuna kukumana nanu.

Palibe vuto kupatula ubale wanu wachikondi ndi wachinsinsi, koma apanso, banja lanu ndi abwenzi anu ndi gawo lalikulu la umunthu wanu, kotero ngati simukudziwitsa mnzanu, kodi iwo ndi ofunikira bwanji kwa inu, kwenikweni? Ngakhale mutakhala kuti mukufunika kulankhula ndi mnzanu za banja lanu lomwe silikuyenda bwino musanalankhule, ziyenera kuchitikabe.

Inu ndithudi osakwatiwa mu ubale ngati inu anayambitsa mnzanuyo kwa anzanu apamtima ndi achibale, ndipo iwo amapewa kuchita chimodzimodzi ndipo konse kupereka zifukwa zenizeni. Muyenera kuwonetseredwa kwa anthu omwe ndi ofunika kwa wokondedwa wanu. Ndipo muyenera kukhala ndi munthu amene amaona zimenezo.

11. Chibwenzi chimakutherani inu mphamvu

Tikudziwa kuti moyo si kanema wa Disney. Chikondi sichimangokhudza maso a nyenyezi ndi kuwala kwa mwezi nthawi zonse. Koma sizikutanthauzanso kukutopetsani ndi kukusungani mu chifunga chamdima nthawi zonse.

Nthaŵi zonse timauzidwa kuti maubwenzi amafunikira ntchito, kuti ukwati ukhoza kukhala chitokoso, ndipo chikondi chimatha pambuyo pake. Ndinavomereza kuti izi ndizowona makamaka. Koma m’maganizo mwanga, unansi waukulu suli ngati chakudya chopanda pake chimene chimakupatsani kukhutitsidwa kwakanthaŵi koma kenako nkukusiyani wopanda kanthu ndi wotopa. Ubale wabwino udzakhala ndi msana wanu ndikukupatsani ma fuzzies ofunda ngakhale pakufunika ntchito.

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Choncho, ngati inu nthawi zonse wotopa chifukwa nthawi zonse kuyesera kuti aone zosowa mnzanuyo ndi pamene ubwenzi wanu waima, dziyang'aneni bwino nokha ndi pa iwo. Kodi simukumuzindikira munthu amene mwakhala - wotopa komanso mukuyesetsabe kukhala ndi ubale wa mbali imodzi? Kodi mukumva chisoni komanso kusungulumwa muubwenzi ndikudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndimadzimva ndekha muubwenzi wanga?" Chabwino ndiye, ndi nthawi yonyamula katundu ndikunyamuka.

Ubale wa mbali imodzi nthawi zina si nthawi zonse pamene mnzanu amakuchitirani nkhanza ndipo akuyesera kukupwetekani mwadala. Mwina sakugwirizana, sakukonzekera kudzipereka, ndi zina zotero. Ndipo palibe vuto. Koma ndikofunikira kuti muzindikire izi ndipo musataye nthawi yanu kuyesa kubwezeretsa ubale wopanda chiyembekezo.

Mukakhala osakwatiwa muubwenzi, mphamvu zanu ndi kudzidalira kwanu zimazirala ndipo sizomwe mukufunikira. Kotero, ngati mwakhala mukudzifunsa nokha, "Kodi mungakhale osakwatiwa paubwenzi?", Ndipo tsopano mukuzindikira kuti muli, tikuyembekeza kuti mudzapeza kulimba mtima komwe mukufunikira kuti mutuluke.

Ibibazo

Mwamuna Wanga Sali Wachikondi Kapena Wachikondi, Ndipo Ndatopa Kuyesa

Mantra 12 Okhala Osakwatiwa Mosangalala Pamene Simunakwatire

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.