12 Malangizo Bwino Chibwenzi A Single Mom

Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa, ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi ndi mkazi wapamwamba kwambiri. Amayang'anira ntchito yake, ana ake, ndipo amakhalabe moyo wathunthu kunja kwa udindo wake monga kholo - moyo wamagulu, zokonda, ntchito, ndi zina zonse. Palibe vuto lomwe sangathe kulithetsa, ali wodziimira payekha, komanso wodzaza ndi zodabwitsa. Mukamudziwa bwino, mudzadabwa kwambiri. Nzosadabwitsa kuti inu simungakhoze kudziletsa nokha kuti musamugwere iye.

Kugwa m’chikondi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa n’kosavuta koma kuchita chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa n’kovuta. Ali ndi mbale yake yodzaza, yokhala ndi mabilu ndi maudindo, ndipo bwenzi kapena ubale watsopano sungakhale wofunika kwambiri kwa iye. Chifukwa chake, ngakhale atha kukhala mkazi wamaloto anu m'njira zambiri, kumanga naye ubale kungatenge zambiri kuposa kungoyamba kukondana.

Muyenera kutsatira malamulo ena oti muyambe chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa kuti pakati panu pakhale chinthu chothandiza. Kodi malamulo amenewo ndi ati, mukudabwa? Ndipo kodi chisangalalo ndi mavuto omwe mudzakumane nawo ndi otani? Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungakhalire pachibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa, ndi nzeru kuchokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Kranti Momin (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito za CBT komanso katswiri wa madera osiyanasiyana okhudza uphungu waubwenzi.

N’chifukwa Chiyani Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi Mayi Olera Okha N’kovuta?

Kranti akuti, "Amayi osakwatiwa amakumana ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana okhudzana ndi chibwenzi ndi chikondi chifukwa ayenera kusamalira maudindo a kholo komanso kusamalira umbeta. Makolo osakwatiwa angalakalake kukhala ndi chibwenzi koma kulinganiza moyo wa chibwenzi ndi umbeta kungakhale kotopetsa, makamaka ngati palibe chithandizo kuchokera kwa achibale kapena mnzawo wakale."

Zitha kuwoneka ngati zambiri zoti mutenge, koma kumbukirani, ngati mukufunadi izi, zonse zikhala zopindulitsa. Kafukufuku waposachedwapa wasonyeza kuti amayi olera ana olera ana amapeza zibwenzi mofulumira 10% kuposa munthu wamba. Izi zikupereka chithunzi chomveka bwino cha zomwe anthu amaganiza zokhala ndi chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa. Izi ndichifukwa choti amadziwa zomwe akufuna komanso zomwe ali ndi bandwidth. Iye sali pano kuti adzasokoneze nanu.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake mukamacheza ndi mayi wosakwatiwa, nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi chiyembekezo chowona mtima muubwenzi wanu . Ndipo iyenso ayenera kuyembekezera zomwezo kuchokera kwa inu. Amayi osakwatiwa amakhala ndi nthawi yochepa yowonongera, ndichifukwa chake sakonda kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zawo ndi mphamvu zawo pocheza ndi anthu omwe samawaona kuti ali ndi tsogolo labwino.

Zimamveka kuti moyo wa mayi wosakwatiwa siwolunjika, choncho muyenera kumufunsa zomwe akufuna paubwenzi. Angakhale akufunafuna zosangalatsa kapena kungocheza wamba. Akhoza kufunafuna kampani. Kapena angakhale akuyang'ana chinachake chachikulu. Mufotokozereni zomwe akufuna, ndipo musayembekezere zambiri.

Muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti kukhala pachibwenzi ndi amayi osakwatiwa sikofunikira "kovuta", koma sizochitika zomwe mungathe kusokoneza. Ngati mukuyang'ana zofuna zanu-sangakonde-iwo angakonde, ndibwino kuti muyese kuzipeza kwinakwake, musasokoneze moyo wa kholo limodzi.

Kodi Single Moms Amafuna Chiyani Kwa Mamuna?

Pamene mukuphunzira za chibwenzi amayi osakwatiwa, m'pofunika kudziwa ndendende chimene iwo akufuna kwa mwamuna. Ngati mwatsimikiza mtima kuchita zinthu zaphindu ndi munthu ameneyu, zikuchitirani zabwino kuti muyang'ane mikhalidwe iyi:

• Munthu wofuna kutchuka ndipo ali ndi dongosolo la moyo
• Wina amene angamvetse zomwe amaika patsogolo ndipo sangamupangitse kumva kuti amaika ana ake patsogolo
• Chisoni ndi khalidwe lofunika kwambiri limene makolo olera okha ana amafunikira kwa omwe akufuna kukhala okwatirana nawo
• Wina yemwe sakufuna kusokoneza ufulu koma amapereka chithandizo pakafunika
• Wina yemwe sali m'menemo kuti azisewera
• Wina amene ali ndi chilango komanso mfundo zomwe angagwirizane nazo
• Kukhala bwino ndi ana nthawi zonse kumakhala bonasi (ngati akufuna kuti mukumane ndi ana posachedwa)
• Munthu amene angakhale chitsanzo cholimba kwa ana ake
• Munthu woona mtima, wokhulupirika, ndiponso wothandiza pa moyo wapabanja

Polankhula za zomwe amayi osakwatiwa amafuna, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit anati, "Sakufuna masewera aliwonse, ndipo amafuna kuti mulankhule momveka bwino momwe mungathere. Nditayamba chibwenzi ndi Debbie, adazindikira momwe mavuto onsewa adandikhudzira pang'ono ndipo adandiwona ndikuvutika kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanga. M'malo mongosewera masewera onse a mphaka ndi mbewa, adandilimbikitsa kuti ndilankhule za mavuto anga ndipo adandifunsa zomwe tingachite kuti zitheke, kapena ngati ndikungofuna kuchoka. Ndinadabwa ndi njira yake, koma idagwira ntchito! Takhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali tsopano."

Ubale Malangizo Pa Chibwenzi Mayi Okwatiwa - 12 Malangizo

Choyamba, kodi mungapemphe bwanji mayi wosakwatiwa kuti akuthandizeni? Ngati mwayamba chibwenzi ndi mkazi amene akulera ana yekha ndipo mukudabwa kuti kusamuka kwanu kuyenera kukhala kotani, dziwani kuti izi sizidzakhala ngati zomwe mumachita nthawi zonse pa chibwenzi. Kusakwatirana ndi mayi wosakwatiwa kumabwera ndi mavuto ndi zolepheretsa zake, ndipo muyenera kukonzekera mavuto omwe mukuyembekezera musanaganize momwe mungamukopere.

Izi zingakupangitseni kudzifunsa kuti: Kodi kukhala ndi chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa kuli koyenera? Yankho la funso limenelo ndithudi limadalira zolinga zanu. Nthaŵi zambiri makolo olera ana ali okha safuna zinthu zachibwanabwana; Ngati cholinga chanu ndi kukhala ndi mtundu wina wothamanga ndi mayi wosakwatiwa, pali mwayi waukulu kuti zinthu sizingayende bwino. Komabe, ngati mukuyang'ana kumanga ubale wokhalitsa komanso watanthauzo, ndiye kuti, inde, kukhala pachibwenzi ndi amayi osakwatiwa ndikofunikira.

Tsopano popeza mwamvetsetsa kuti moyo wa mayi amene akulera yekha ana umafuna moyo wovuta kukhala wa pachibwenzi, tiyeni tikufotokozereni zovuta zimene zimafunika kuti mukhale naye pa ubwenzi wolimba. Nawa maupangiri 12 amomwe mungapangire chibwenzi ndi mayi osakwatiwa omwe angakupangitseni kukhala bwenzi labwino kwambiri:

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zimene Muyenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Chibwenzi ndi Munthu Wosudzulana

1. Kumvetsetsa kuti ana ake adzakhala chinthu chofunika kwambiri kwa iye

Ziribe kanthu zomwe zingachitike, ana aang'ono adzakhala chinthu choyamba kwa Mama Bear. Ngati akuyenera kusankha pakati pa phwando la tiyi la mwana wake ndi chibwenzi ndi inu, akupita kuphwando la tiyi, ziribe kanthu momwe zikuwonekera mopusa. Ana ake ndi ofunika kwa iye. Moyo wake wonse ukuzungulira iwo.

Kulera ana kumafuna nthawi, mphamvu, ndi khama. Kuika ndalama kumeneku kumaonekera kwambiri kwa makolo osakwatira. "Kulera ana kumakhala kofunikira kuposa kubwereranso ku ubale wapamtima. Ngakhale kuti angakhale ndi chidwi chofuna kupeza zinthu zatsopano zachikondi kapena kulowa muubwenzi watsopano , kusamalira zosowa za mwana wawo nthawi zonse kumakhala kofunikira kuposa moyo wawo wapamtima," akutero Kranti.

2. Khalani pamenepo kuti muthandizidwe m'maganizo

Izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuyembekezera mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa: padzakhala nthawi pamene chilichonse chomuzungulira chikuwoneka kuti chikuwonongeka ndipo adzasweka. Mkazi wapamwamba adzawoneka wopanda mphamvu. Adzafunika phewa kuti alilire kapena kukumbatiridwa molimba kunena kuti zonse zikhala bwino. Khalani womuthandizira pamalingaliro ndipo mulimbikitse mtima wake akakhumudwa. Adzamva bwino kukhala ndi wina pambali pake panthawi yamavuto.

Limodzi mwa malamulo ofunikira kwambiri pa chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa ndikukhala naye pafupi. Ikani ndalama mu zokambirana zakuya zimenezo, ndipo funsani ndikuyankha mafunso oyenera kuti mumange ubale wachikondi ndi mnzanu . Komabe, nthawi yomweyo, musamakakamize kwambiri kuti mudziwe za ubale wake wakale. Chidwi chanu chokhudza ubale wake wakale n'chomveka. Koma iyi ikhoza kukhala nkhani yovuta kwambiri kotero mupatseni nthawi ndi malo oti alankhule za iyo.

3. Muyenera kuti mayi amene akulera yekha ana akukhulupirireni

Kukhulupirira munthu wina m’moyo wake ndi ana ake kudzam’tengera nthaŵi, makamaka pamene safuna kulankhula zambiri za zimene wakumana nazo m’mbuyomo. Kuti mupeze chidaliro chake, dziwonetseni nokha momwe mulili; wopanda masewera amalingaliro ndi chinyengo.

Kaya mukuchita chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa wazaka za m'ma 40 kapena wachinyamata, malamulo ake akadali omwewo. Muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti mtima wake unasokonekera kale - kaya chifukwa cha kulephera kwa ubale , kutaya wokondedwa wake amene anali naye pachibwenzi, kapena kukhala ndi mwana ndi munthu amene sankafuna kukhala naye. Izi zingayambitse mavuto ambiri komanso kudalirana.

Komanso, ngati mukuyesera kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa kuti mugone naye, mutha kukhala wosadalirika chifukwa cholinga chanu nthawi zonse chimakhala pakupanga naye chibwenzi. Safunanso chipwirikiti chamalingaliro m'moyo wake. Mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi kholo limodzi, m'pofunika kwambiri kuti azikukhulupirirani. Zonse mwa zolankhula zanu ndi zochita zanu. Pokhapokha mutachita zimenezo, iye adzakulolani inu mu moyo wake kwathunthu.

Pamene mukupita patsogolo mu ubale wanu, mungadabwe kuti: mungadziwe bwanji ngati mayi wosakwatiwa amakukondani ndipo ali ndi chikhulupiriro mwa inu? Yankho ndilakuti: akayamba kukukhulupirirani ndi ana ake. Sadzadalira munthu wachisawawa kuti alowe mumkhalidwe wake wovuta wa banja. Amasamala za amene angasinthe moyo wa ana ake. Cholinga chake ndikuwonetsetsa kuti ana ake amakhala otetezeka komanso ofunidwa ndi mnzake. Choncho, ngati ayamba kukusiyani ndi ana ake kwa nthaŵi yaitali kapena ngati amakukhulupirirani ndi thanzi lawo ndi chitetezo chawo, ali ndi chikhulupiriro chonse mwa inu. Osatengera izi mopepuka, ndizovuta kwambiri.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Chibwenzi Choyamba Pambuyo pa Kufedwa – Zinthu 18 Zoyenera Kuchita ndi Zosayenera Kuchita

4. Mpangitseni kumva kuti ndi wotetezeka

Kusadzidalira kudzayamba ndipo kukayikira kudzabuka. Sangafune kuti chilichonse chomwe chidachitika ndi wakale wake chibwerezedwe, kotero adzapitiriza kukufufuzani. Mupangitseni kumva kuti ali otetezeka mwa kumupatsa chitonthozo chamaganizo ndi chamaganizo chomwe akufuna. Kukopa ndi chibwenzi ndi munthu wosudzulidwa ndi wosiyana chifukwa mwina akufunafuna mfundo zenizeni komanso kukhwima, osati kungofuna kukongola kwachikondi komanso zinthu zabwino zokha.

Kranti anati: “Azimayi amene akulera okha ana angafune kudzipereka kwa munthu amene ali naye pachibwenzi.” Zimenezi zimakhala zofunika kwambiri kwa iye, chifukwa chakuti mwanayo wachita nawo zimenezi, mwachindunji kapena mwanjira ina. Kotero, ngati mukuyesera kumvetsetsa malamulo oti mukhale ndi chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa, dziwani kuti kusewera masewera a maganizo kuti muzitha kusokoneza maganizo ake ndi vuto lalikulu.

5. Ndi amayi okha, muyenera kutenga chirichonse pang'onopang'ono

Kodi mungafunse bwanji mayi wosakwatiwa pa tsiku? Kodi mungatengere bwanji zinthu kuchokera pamenepo? Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, kodi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mayi okha? Mutha kukhala ndi mafunso ambiri musanalowe muzosintha zatsopanozi, ndipo pali yankho limodzi lomveka kwa onse - khalani wodekha komanso wokhazikika pamachitidwe anu.

Muyembekezere nthawi yabwino ya chibwenzi chifukwa amayi osakwatiwa amafunika nthawi kuti zinthu ziyende bwino ndipo muyenera kuwapatsa nthawiyo. Chepetsani ubale , zithandiza kumanga ubale wachikondi ndi iye, womwe udzasanduka mgwirizano wachikondi komanso wakuthupi. Kuufulumizitsa kudzangomupatsa lingaliro lolakwika la inu.

Makolo olera ana ali okha amakumananso ndi vuto loti anawo afunika kukhala pachibwenzi komanso nthawi yoti anawo azichita zibwenzi komanso kuti atchule ziwerengero zimene angachite kuti azikondana ndi ana awo.

Ndiye, kodi n'kovuta kukonda mayi wosakwatiwa? Makamaka ngati ali ndi mfundo yakuti “ana ayenera kukhala patsogolo” ndipo akufunika kuchepetsa? N'kovuta pokhapokha ngati ndinu munthu amene mumamva kuti mulibe chitetezo muubwenzi wanu mosavuta, ngati mukufuna nthawi yambiri ndi chisamaliro muubwenzi, kapena ngati ndinu munthu amene lingaliro la banja silili lofunika kwambiri kwa iye. Pazochitika zotere, zolinga zanu sizingagwirizane (mwachibadwa) ndipo izi zitha kukhala chimodzi mwa mavuto obwera chifukwa chocheza ndi mayi wosakwatiwa. Chonde musadziike nokha ndi iye pa izi. Zithetseni mwachangu, komanso mwaulemu, ngati mukuwona kuti zosowa zanu zazikulu sizingakwaniritsidwe.

6. Mthandizeni pa udindo wake

Mukakhazikitsa ubale wabwino, muyenera kuyesetsa kumuchepetsa nkhawa m'njira iliyonse yomwe mungathe. Polankhula pankhaniyi, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit anati, "Makamaka poyamba, amayi osakwatiwa sangapemphe thandizo. Ndikudziwa kuti sindinapemphe thandizo. Ngati mukuona kuti akukumana ndi vuto linalake, MUSADZIPERE udindo koma nthawi zonse muzimuthandiza ndi kumuthandiza. Ngati avomereza, muthandizeni. Pakapita nthawi, mudzaphunzira momwe mungayambire popanda kulowerera."

Kuwongolera maudindo ndi maudindo ambiri nthawi imodzi kuyenera kumutopetsa, kotero kuti thandizo lidzayamikiridwa kwambiri. Ngati mumakhudzidwa kale ndi moyo wa ana ake, mukhoza kuchitapo kanthu mwa kusamalira ana ake ndi kumupatsa “nthaŵi yanga” yofunika kwambiri. Kumuthandiza (pamene akuvomera) kudzachepetsa mtolo wake ndikupangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba. Inunso mudzatha kumvetsa bwino ana ake. Kupatula apo, kugawa maudindo kumakupatsani nthawi yabwino yokhalira limodzi.

7. Amamudabwitsa

Mayi wosakwatiwa sazolowera zodabwitsa. Sakumbukira nthawi yomaliza imene wina anamuchitira chinachake. Muzimudabwitsa pomuphikira iye ndi ana kapena kupita nawo ku lesitilanti yomwe amakonda kwambiri. Mupatse mphatso kapena muzimusangalatsa ndi maluwa. Zilibe kanthu kaya mukucheza ndi mayi wosakwatiwa wazaka za m'ma 40 kapena 20, kumuchitira zinthu zachikondi ndiye chinsinsi choyatsira chikondi muubwenzi ndikusunga moyo.

Sikuti nthawi zonse zimakhala zazikulu komanso zazikulu kuposa moyo. Chinachake chophweka ngati kupaka phazi kumapeto kwa tsiku lalitali, lotopetsa ndilokwanira kupangitsa mtima wake kudumpha kugunda. Adzayamba kukuyamikirani ndi kukukondani kwambiri, ndipo zimenezo zidzathandiza kwambiri kulimbitsa ubale wanu. Ndiye, mungadziwe bwanji ngati mayi wosakwatiwa amakukondani? Mpangitseni zizindikiro zazing'ono ngati izi za chikondi kwa iye ndipo tcherani khutu ku momwe amachitira. Umo ndi momwe inu mungadziwire.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Moyo Pambuyo pa Kusudzulana - Njira 15 Zomangira Kuyambira Pachiyambi Ndikuyambanso

8. Khalani okonzekera masiku amasewera

Chinthu chimodzi chimene muyenera kumvetsa za chibwenzi mayi wosakwatiwa ndi kuti kuposa zakumwa-ndi-chakudya madeti, inu mukupita kusewera madeti ndi ana ake. Usiku wa tsikuli ungaphatikizepo kukhala nawo pabalaza, kusewera nawo masewera a board. Kumbukirani kuti kuvomereza kwa ana kwa ubale wanu ndi iye n'kofunika kwambiri kwa tsogolo lake.

Kodi izi zakupangitsani kuganiza kuti: kodi chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa chili ndi phindu? Musadandaule. Sikuti palibe malo achikondi ndi madeti achikhalidwe muubwenzi uwu. Koma si nthawi yanu yonse yokhala limodzi yomwe mudzathera mukuchita zinthu zogonana kapena zosagonana , ndipo kudziletsa kungakhale kumbuyo.

9. Zolinga zachikondi zimatha kusintha

Ngakhale kuti moyo wanu wachikondi sudzakhala wouma komanso wopanda nthawi yabwino, mungafunikire kusunga lingaliro lanu lachikondi pang'onopang'ono. Mwachitsanzo, ndizotheka kuti ngakhale mutakhala kuti mwakonzekera chakudya chamadzulo choyatsa makandulo pamalo odyera padenga, mutha kukhala ndi tsiku losewera usiku ndikutsatiridwa ndi chakudya chamadzulo chifukwa sitter yemwe adamukonza kuti amuletse.

Muyenera kuvomereza kuti muubwenziwu, simumangodzipezera bwenzi koma phukusi lathunthu - malinga ngati kulumikizana kwanu kukufika pamlingo wapamtima womwe mumakhudzidwa ndi moyo wa ana ake. Osakwiyira mbali iyi ya moyo wake kapena ubale wanu chifukwa ndi amene amanyadira.

10. Osachita nawo chibwenzi

Ngati kholo lokhalo lomwe mukucheza nalo likulera limodzi ndi wakale wake, lidzatenga nawo mbali pa moyo wa iye ndi wa ana ake, kaya mukufuna kapena ayi. Limodzi mwa malamulo ofunikira kwambiri pa chibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa ndi kusapitirira malire anu pankhani imeneyi ya moyo wake.

Ndi bwino kukhala kutali pankhani ya wokondedwa wanu ndi wakale wake. Pokhapokha atakupemphani kuti mulowemo, khalani kutali. Simukufuna wokwiya wakale atakwera pamsana pako.

11. Pangani ana kuti azikondana nanu

Mukudabwa momwe mungakhalire ndi mayi wosakwatiwa bwino ndikumanga naye ubale wokhalitsa? Kumbukirani kuti muyenera kukopa ndi kupambana osati iye yekha komanso ana ake. Mukamakonda mayi wosakwatiwa, muyenera kukondanso ana ake - moona mtima monga momwe mumamukondera. Mukapanga bwino, simudzasiyidwa ndikungoganizira za tsogolo la ubale wanu, kapena kufunsa, kodi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa ndikofunikira?

Azimayi amasangalala kwambiri ana awo akamagwirizana ndi okondedwa awo. Zimawathandiza kutsimikiziranso chisankho chawo. Ndikofunika kuti ana akukondeni chifukwa amayi awo nthawi zonse amafunafuna kuvomereza kwawo asanapite patsogolo. Khalani bwenzi lawo ndi bwenzi lodalirika. Asangalatseni ndikuwakhulupirira.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungasankhire Mnzanu Wamoyo - Malangizo 12 A Akatswiri Opeza Mnzanu Wabwino Kwambiri

12. Lichitireni banja lake ngati lanu;

Chinsinsi cha chimwemwe muubwenzi ndi kholo limodzi ndilo kuyamba kuchitira banja lawo monga lanu. Mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mayi wosakwatiwa, mumadziperekanso kwa ana ake. Mukumanga nawo ubale, ndipo kuwonjezera apo, tsopano muli ndi banja latsopano. Ndi ulemu ndi mwai. Anthu ambiri amafuna kukhala ndi mabanja amene amawakonda, kuwachirikiza, ndi kuwapangitsa kudzimva ngati awo, ndipo ndi zomwe mukufika kuno.

Khalani oleza mtima ndi omvetsetsa, ndipo zonse ziyenda bwino. Musanayambe kudumpha, onetsetsani kuti mukudziwa zomwe mukulowa ndipo mwakonzeka kuthana nazo zonse. Kupatula apo, simungafune kuwapangitsa kuti adutsenso kupatukana kwina kokhumudwitsa.

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