Kugwa m'chikondi ndi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi zina mwa zinthu zabwino kwambiri zomwe zingakuchitikireni. Koma pamene unansi waukulu utha, chisoni cha kutha chimakupangitsani kukhala ndi malingaliro owonjezereka amene mungaone kukhala ovuta kulimbana nawo. Magawo achisoni osweka atha kuwonongadi thanzi lanu lamalingaliro.
Mukufuna munthu amene angakugwireni dzanja panthawi yovutayi ndikukuthandizani kulira moyenera ndikuchira mwachangu. Ndicho chifukwa chake tili pano. Pogwirizana ndi mphunzitsi wa thanzi la maganizo ndi kusamala Pooja Priyamvada (wovomerezeka mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa zibwenzi zakunja kwa ukwati, kusudzulana, kupatukana, chisoni, ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo ochepa, tikuthandizani kumvetsetsa momwe mungadutse magawo osiyanasiyana a chisoni mutatha kusudzulana.
Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti 26.8% ya anthu omwe adasudzulana adanenanso kuti ali ndi zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo.
Magawo 7 A Chisoni Pambuyo Pakusudzulana Ndi Momwe Mungapirire - Katswiri Akufotokoza
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mukayamba kukondana ndi munthu, mumayamba kukhulupirira kuti mudzamva choncho mpaka kalekale. Mofananamo, mukathetsa chibwenzi, zimakupangitsani kumva ngati chisoni chanu chidzakhalapo mpaka kalekale. Koma, monga mwambi wachibuda umati, "Chilichonse nchosakhalitsa", momwemonso magawo a kusweka kwachisoni. Mukangozindikira zomwe magawowa akuphatikiza, mudzamvetsetsa kuti ululu womwe mukumva ndi gawo limodzi chabe ndipo pamapeto pake udzachepa pakapita nthawi. Nawa magawo 7 a kusokonekera kwachisoni ndi malangizo oti mupitirire, zomwe zingakuthandizeni kukhazikitsa njira yabwino yothanirana ndi chisoni.
1. Kukana kapena kulephera kuthetsa vutoli
Mukataya mwadzidzidzi chinthu chamtengo wapatali kwa inu, chingakugwetseni m'mavuto aakulu. Gawo loyamba la kusudzulana ndi kusamvetsetsa zomwe zikuchitika. Anthu ena amasiya chikondi ndikuona kuti chikubwera. Koma, ngati mwapusitsidwa kapena kunyengedwa , ndiye kuti kusudzulanako kungakukhudzeni mosiyana.
- Kumwa mowa kwambiri, mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kugonana, kapena ntchito kungakusokonezeni kwakanthawi koma sikungathetse ululu wanu
- Ululuwo udzabweranso mofulumira mpaka mutapeza njira zothetsera mavutowo. Izi ndi zoona pa nthawi ya kutha kwa chisoni kwa anyamata komanso atsikana.
- Njira yokhayo yochotsera kukana ndikumva malingaliro onse ndikufuula
"Dziwani kuti munali oyenerana wina ndi mnzake, pazifukwa zilizonse, kapena kuti sizinali zoyenera. Lembani mndandanda wa zinthu zonse zomwe anakuchitirani kapena zomwe sanachite zomwe zinali zankhanza kapena zovulaza."
– Pooja Priyamvada, Psychologist
Mmene mungapiririre
Kumvetsetsa "chifukwa chake" kusudzulana kwachitika ndikofunikira kwambiri pakuchira. Kupita patsogolo si chinthu chomwe chimachitika tsiku limodzi. Koma yambani ndi kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi komanso kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Kudzisamalira kungakhale njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yopitira patsogolo kuchokera pakusudzulana.
Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti kumvetsetsa bwino zifukwa zomwe zinachititsa kuti mulekane kudzakuthandizani kuti musaganize kuti ndinu munthu wofunika kwambiri kapena kuti musamaganizire kwambiri za inuyo.
2. Kusowa ex wanu nthawi zonse
Mukamalankhula ndi munthu usana ndi usiku, mumazolowera kuti nthawi zonse amakhalapo kwa inu. Sikophweka kusiya chizolowezi kapena machitidwe enaake, kotero gawo ili la chisoni cha kutha kwa chibwenzi lingakupangitseni kumva ngati mukudzipatula pamene mukuphunzira kuvomereza kusakhalapo kwa munthu amene munkamukonda kwambiri. Mungamve ngati mukufuna kumumasula kapena kumutumizira uthenga mukakhala ndi chisoni, kuti mumve bwino kwakanthawi mutatha kutha kwa chibwenzi.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 9 a Akatswiri Oti Musadzimvere Chisoni Mukatha Kusudzulana
Mmene mungapiririre
Apa ndi pamene muyenera kukhala ndi anthu omwe mumawadalira komanso omwe mungawauze zakukhosi kwanu.
- Mukufuna anzanu omwe angakuthandizeni kudziletsa ndikumvetsera chisoni chanu chifukwa cha kusudzulana kwanu
- Kulankhula za chilichonse chomwe chikukuvutitsani kungathandize kwambiri pa nthawi ino ya chisoni chothawirana.
- Lankhulani za chisoni chanu ndipo chichotseni m'thupi lanu, mpaka mutafika poti sichikukuvutitsani
- Lembani buku lolembamo zinthu zakale, yambani kulembamo ... tsatanetsatane uliwonse. Litentheni ngati mukufuna
- Kusonyeza ululu, m'malo mouletsa, ndi malangizo ofunikira kuti mupitirire patsogolo
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Masitepe 7 Obwererana ndi Munthu Wakale
3. Kuyesera kubwereranso ndi wakale wanu
Gawo lachisoni limeneli pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi lofala kwambiri. Apa ndi pamene anthu amataya ulemu wawo ndipo amapempha munthuyo kuti abwerere, ngakhale zitakhala bwanji. Kudzimva kuti ali pachibwenzi kumakhala kwakukulu kwambiri kotero kuti kutaya munthuyo kumaoneka ngati kosatheka. Mungaganize kuti mungathe kukonza chilichonse ndipo nthawi ino zinthu zidzakhala zosiyana, koma kumbukirani kuti ndi vuto lalikulu lomwe lidzabwerezedwanso.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kunama Popanda Kumvera ndi Zotsatira Zake pa Ubale
Mmene mungapiririre
Khalani otanganidwa kwambiri ndi zochita zabwino kuti musakhale ndi nthawi yowonera malo ochezera a pa Intaneti a wakale wanu.
- Mungagwiritse ntchito njira zabwino zothanirana ndi mavuto monga yoga, kusinkhasinkha, ndi kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti mupewe kuganizira mopitirira muyeso panthawiyi yopatukana.
- Sankhani chizolowezi chatsopano kapena luso
- Lembetsani maphunziro apaintaneti
- Lowani nawo kalasi yovina Phunzirani njira yatsopano yophikira
- Yesani kupeza mabwenzi atsopano
Chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuti musasokonezedwe. Kukhala wotanganidwa ndi mfundo yofunika kwambiri yomwe ingakuthandizeni kuti mupitirizebe ndi moyo wanu.
4. Kukhala ndi mkwiyo/udani/kudziimba mlandu
Kumva chikondi kumatha kubweretsa m'malo mwa malingaliro oipa monga mkwiyo ndi chidani. N'zosadabwitsa kuti chikondi chingasanduke chidani, koma nthawi zina chimakhala choncho.
- Mungamve chisoni kwambiri ndi wakale wanu ndipo mungafune "kubwezera"
- Koma kubwezera kapena kuwapweteka sikungathetse ululu wanu kapena kukuthandizani kuthetsa kusudzulana kwanu
- Ndipotu, kuchita zinthu motsatira zilakolako zimenezi kungokubweretserani chisoni ndi kudziona ngati wopanda pake.
- Pewani kulowa mu chibwenzi china nthawi yomweyo kapena kunyoza wakale wanu kulikonse komwe mukupita
Kumva chisoni chifukwa cha kutha kwa ubale wanu sikutanthauza kutaya ulemu ndi umphumphu wanu.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 6 Zoopsa Zosonyeza Kuti Sakufuna Kukhala Paubwenzi Ndi Inu
Mmene mungapiririre
Tengani mkwiyo ndi kukhumudwa konseku, ndipo kuzigwiritsa ntchito mu ntchito yanu ndi ntchito yanu. Kudzakupatsani chisangalalo, kukhutitsidwa komanso kumva kuti muli ndi mphamvu. Gwiritsani ntchito bwino chisoni chanu chotha ntchito mwa kukhala wopambana pantchito yanu. Kuchita bwino pa zomwe mumachita kungakupatseni chisangalalo chachikulu kuposa chikondi chachikondi.
5. Kumva kupweteka ndi gawo lachisanu la kusweka kwachisoni
Mkwiyo umachepa pamapeto pake ndipo umakupangitsani kukhala ndi chisoni chifukwa cha kutha kwa chibwenzi chomwe chimakupangitsani kutaya mtima.
- Mukumva ngati mtima wanu wasweka
- Ndipo simudzatha kukhulupirira munthu kapena kukhala ndi chikhulupiriro mu chikondi
- Kudzidalira kwanu kungakhumudwitse chifukwa mumadziona kuti simunali bwino mokwanira
Musadandaule, uwu ndi mwambo wopita patsogolo, pamene mukudutsa mu magawo 7 a kutha kwa chisoni.
Mmene mungapiririre
Pa nthawi ino yolira chisoni chifukwa cha kusudzulana, kumbukirani kuti musaganizire kwambiri za malingaliro amenewa kapena kuwaona ngati ofunika kwambiri. Nthawi zina, zinthu siziyenera kuchitika ndipo anthu sakugwirizana. Komanso, kumbukirani kuti malingaliro anu ndi achibadwa ndipo palibe vuto ngati simuli bwino.
- Kulumikizananso ndi anzanu akale kungakuthandizeni kupitiliza ndi ululu uwu
- Tengani foni yanu ndipo mulankhule kwa nthawi yayitali ndi anthu omwe simunalumikizane nawo
- Pitani ku misonkhano yonse yosangalatsa yomwe mwaitanidwa
- Itanani anthu kuti abwere
Malangizo oti mupitirire patsogolo ? Lolani anthu akuthandizeni ndikukukondani pamavuto anu onse. Lolani kuti agawane katundu amene ali pamapewa anu amene akukuvutitsani kwambiri. Lolani kuti akhalepo chifukwa cha inu.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kusudzulana Koyamba - Njira 11 Zothanirana Nazo
6. Kuvomereza kuti zatha
Gawo ili lachisoni mutatha kupatukana ndipamene mumayamba kuvomereza kuti mwina zatha. Apa ndipamene mumazindikira kuti kukhala wekha kungakhale kwabwino kuposa kukhala pachibwenzi choyipa. Kupita patsogolo ndi njira yayitali komanso yapang'onopang'ono ndipo simuyenera kuthamangira kapena kukakamiza. Muyenera kudutsa magawo achisoni mutatha kupatukana kuti muthe kupitilira.
Mmene mungapiririre
Gawo ili limafuna kuleza mtima kwambiri ndi kudzikonda.
- Kuyika ululu wanu wonse ndi kufooka kwanu mu chinthu chopanga komanso chopindulitsa kungakuthandizeni kuthana ndi mavuto
- Kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanu polenga zinthu, kaya ndi zojambula, zaluso, ndakatulo, kulemba buku, kapena kuyambitsa kampani yatsopano, kwathandiza kwambiri nthano zambiri.
- Amatchedwa "Meraki" mu Chigiriki, zomwe zikutanthauza "kuchita chinthu ndi mtima wako wonse kapena ndi chikondi"
Malinga ndi kafukufuku , chinsinsi chochoka paubwenzi wautali chili mu kudzimva bwino. Kodi mumachita bwanji izi? Dzipatseni nthawi yodzisamalira. Zitha kukhala:
- Kupita paulendo payekha
- Kugula zinthu wekha m'sitolo
- Kudya nokha ku cafe
- Kuthamanga ndi zomvera m'makutu
- Kuwerenga buku
- Kapena kumwa nokha pa bala
Khalani bwenzi lanu lapamtima. Pezani malo anu okhala. Phunzirani kusangalala ndi kukhala ndi anzanu.
7. Kusunthira patsogolo ndi gawo lomaliza lachisoni pambuyo pakutha
Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa magawo ofunika kwambiri a chisoni chosweka. Kupitilira, m'lingaliro lake lenileni, kumatanthauza kudzikhululukira nokha ndi kukhululukira munthu yemwe mumamukonda kuti musatenge zowawa izi ndi zolemetsa muubwenzi wanu wotsatira. Kukhululuka kungakhale kovuta kwambiri, makamaka ngati munakuberedwa, kupwetekedwa mtima, kapena kuperekedwa.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 7 Zomwe Zimakuthandizani Kuchira Pambuyo Pakusudzulana
Mmene mungapiririre
Kodi mumakhululukira bwanji munthu amene wakupwetekani?
- Yesetsani kukumbukira nthawi zonse zomwe zinakupangitsani kumva bwino. Koma kumbukirani kuchita izi muli patali
- Kukhululuka kumatenga nthawi yake, choncho musafulumire
- Komanso, kumbukirani kuti kuyang'ana chilichonse chomwe chachitika, mwachifundo osati mwachipongwe, ndi kwa machiritso a mtima wanu, simukuwachitira zimenezo
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 7 Zomwe Zimakuthandizani Kuchira Pambuyo Pakusudzulana
| Gawo | Malangizo a momwe mungathanirane ndi vutoli |
| Dana | Yesetsani kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake kusudzulana kwanu kunachitikira. Yang'anani pa kudzisamalira nokha monga kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi komanso kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti musangalale. |
| Kusowa wakale wanu | Gawani zakukhosi kwanu ndi anthu omwe mungawadalire. Fotokozani zakukhosi kwanu kudzera m'magazini, zaluso kapena njira zina. |
| Kuyesa kubwereranso | Khazikitsani mtima wanu pochita yoga, kusinkhasinkha, kapena kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Khalani otanganidwa mwa kupeza chizolowezi chatsopano kapena kuphunzira luso latsopano. |
| Kumva mkwiyo/kupweteka/kudzimva wolakwa | Gwiritsani ntchito mphamvu izi kuti mugwire bwino ntchito yanu. Yang'anani pa ntchito yanu. |
| Kumva kupweteka | Lumikizananinso ndi anzanu akale Pitani ku misonkhano yochezera |
| Kulandiridwa | Gwiritsani ntchito ululu wanu kukhala chinthu cholenga monga ndakatulo, zojambula, ndi zina zotero. Khalani nokha nthawi kuti mulimbikitse kudzidalira kwanu |
| Kupitilira | Vomerezani kuti kukhululuka kumatenga nthawi ndipo palibe vuto. Dzikumbutseni kuti kukhululuka si kwa iwo koma kuti mudzipulumutse ku mavuto. |
Ngakhale mukuchita mantha, pitirizani ndi chikhulupiriro chanu ndipo phunzirani kudalira anthu kachiwiri. Munthu aliyense ndi wosiyana, choncho musaganizire za ululu wa m'mbuyomu pa nthawi yomwe muli. Yesetsani kukhala otseguka ndipo yesani kuona anthu atsopano m'moyo wanu kuchokera mu malingaliro atsopano, m'malo mowona anthu osokonezeka ndi zokumbukira.
"Moyo udzakuswani. Palibe amene angakutetezeni ku zimenezo, ndipo kukhala nokha sikudzaswaninso, chifukwa kukhala nokha kudzakuswaninso ndi chilakolako chake. Muyenera kukonda. Muyenera kumva. Ndicho chifukwa chake muli pano padziko lapansi. Muli pano kuti muike mtima wanu pachiswe. Muli pano kuti mumezedwe. Ndipo zikachitika kuti mwasweka, kapena mwaperekedwa, kapena mwasiyidwa, kapena mwavulala, kapena imfa ikuyandikira, lolani kuti mukhale pafupi ndi mtengo wa apulo ndikumvetsera maapulo akugwa mozungulira inu mozungulira, akuwononga kukoma kwawo. Dziuzeni kuti mwalawa zambiri momwe mungathere".
– Louise Erdrich, Ng'oma Yopaka
Malangizo Kuti Muthetse Chibwenzi - Dziwani Kuchokera kwa Katswiri Waubwenzi
Mlangizi Ridhi Golechha adauza kale Bonobology kuti, "Chimodzi mwa machitidwe ofala kwambiri odziwononga ndikudzipangitsa kukhala ndi mlandu pa chilichonse. Yesetsani kudzikhululukira nokha ndi chifundo. Mukadzikhululukira kwambiri, mumakhala ndi mtendere wamumtima. Muyenera kuyang'ana mbali ziwiri za ndalama, komwe mumavomereza kulakwitsa kwanu pamodzi ndi kufunikira koti mupitirire patsogolo."
"Palibe cholakwika ndi inu ngati mukulimbana ndi munthu wina. Popanda kudzida nokha, lolani maganizo anu kuti abwere ndi kupita ngati mitambo. Chotsani khalidwe lodziweruza nokha. Dziwitsani kuti ndinu ndani. Dzikondweretseni nokha chifukwa cha munthu amene muli." Nawa malangizo ena othandiza momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi:
- Tulukani pagawo lokana ndikuwona zinthu momwe zilili
- Lembani zowona za momwe ubalewu wasinthira ma equation anu
- Pewani kumwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo / mowa / ndudu kuti muchepetse ululu
- Kusinkhasinkha ndi kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kungakuthandizeni pezani moyo wanu pamodzi mukatha kutha
- Sankhani njira zothana ndi thanzi labwino monga kuchita bwino pantchito yanu / kupanga zosangalatsa zatsopano
- Pezani thandizo la akatswiri ndikudalira anthu odalirika kuti akuthandizeni
- Phunzirani phunziro loti kudzilemekeza kuyenera kukhala kwamphamvu kuposa malingaliro anu
- Kuchiritsa kudzachitika mwachibadwa, mu nthawi yake yokoma; osakakamiza kalikonse
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Gawo loyamba lachisoni chosweka ndi lokhudzana ndi kugwedezeka / kusakhulupirira
- Gawani chisoni chanu ndi anthu odalirika mu gawo lachiwiri
- Khalani otanganidwa kotero kuti mutha kutsata lamulo losalumikizana ndi gawo lachitatu
- Pewani kudumphira mu ubale wina / zoipa pakamwa wanu wakale mu gawo lotsatira
- Nkwachibadwa kumva kuwawa (kudzidalira kwanu kudzasokonekera); khalani woleza mtima ndi inu nokha
- Gwiritsani ntchito magawowa kuti mudziwe nokha, kudzikonda nokha ndikudzikhululukira nokha
Ibibazo
Gawo lovuta kwambiri limasiyana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana. Zimatengeranso chifukwa chakusudzulana. Mwachitsanzo, masiku oyambirira ndi ovuta kwambiri pazigawo za kusweka kwachisoni pambuyo pa kunyenga (chifukwa cha mantha / kuperekedwa). Koma, pakakhala magawo achisoni kusweka kwa dumper, magawo omaliza amatha kukhala olemetsa (chifukwa amawakhudza pambuyo pake).
Kulimbana ndi zizindikiro zachisoni mutatha kusudzulana kumafuna kuti musamenyane ndi malingaliro anu ndikukambirana nawo m'malo mwake. Aliyense ali ndi njira yakeyake yochitira zinthu (choncho musadzikakamize kupitiriza). Mwachitsanzo, njira zothanirana ndi kutha kwachisoni kwa mkazi zingakhale zosiyana ndi za mwamuna.
Pambuyo pa kusudzulana, nthawi zambiri maganizo amatsatira magawo odziwika bwino a chisoni chofanana ndi omwe amawonedwa pa chisoni cha imfa. Izi zingaphatikizepo:
Kukana kapena kudabwa
Mkwiyo kapena mkwiyo
Kukambirana
Chisoni chachikulu
Ndipo kuvomereza ndi kukula pamapeto pake
Kuzindikira magawo awa kumathandiza kusintha momwe mukumvera komanso kuyika ulendo wamaganizo ngati njira osati vuto.
Palibe nthawi yokhazikika yoti chisoni chithetsedwe chifukwa chimasiyana malinga ndi nthawi ya ubale, chikondi cha munthu, komanso kulimba mtima. Anthu ena amayamba kumva bwino mkati mwa milungu ingapo kapena miyezi ingapo, pomwe ena angatenge miyezi yambiri kapena kupitirira kuti agwirizane ndi kutayika kwathunthu. Chisoni sichili cholunjika; magawo amatha kubwerezabwereza, kubwereranso, kapena kuwoneka mosiyana. Kupweteka kwamalingaliro kumatha kuchepa pakapita nthawi, koma kukumbukira ndi malingaliro kumatha kubwereranso kuvomereza ndi kuchira kusanayambe.
Maganizo Final
Kutha kwa chibwenzi kungakhale kovuta kwambiri komanso koopsa, ndipo chisoni chotha kwa chibwenzi chingafanane ndi imfa ya wokondedwa wanu. Koma, kuthetsa magawo 7 a chisoni mutatha kutha kwa chibwenzi kungakuthandizeni kuchira ndikukhala mnzanu wodalirika kwa munthu wina amene mungakhale naye pachibwenzi. Ngati mukuvutika ndi kuvutika maganizo kapena nkhawa panthawi/mutatha kutha kwa chibwenzi, musazengereze kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri. Alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito komanso ovomerezeka m'gulu la Bonobology athandiza anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi mavuto ofanana. Inunso mungapindule ndi luso lawo ndikupeza mayankho omwe mwakhala mukuwafuna.
Malangizo 11 Othana Ndi Kusungulumwa Pambuyo Polekana Ndikupeza Chithandizo
Zoyenera Kuchita Pambuyo pa Kuthetsa Chibwenzi: Zomverera Pambuyo pa Kusweka
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
