Mkazi Wanga Amandida: Zizindikiro za 5, Zifukwa 8 Zomwe Zingatheke, Ndi Malangizo 9 Othana nawo

Kodi mkazi wanu amakuonani momasuka? Kodi mumasungulumwa komanso mukuvutika maganizo ngakhale kuti munakwatiwa ndi mkazi amene mumamukonda? Kodi mumakhala ndi dzenje m'mimba mwanu chifukwa cha kuzindikira kuti "mkazi wanga amandida"? Mkazi amene ankakupatsani moni akumwetulira ndi kudzaza moyo wanu ndi kutentha kwa chikondi chake tsopano akuzizira.

Chisokonezo chanu ndi kudodometsedwa kwanu ndizomveka, makamaka ngati sipanakhalepo zosokoneza zaubwenzi zomwe zasintha malingaliro ake kwa inu ndipo kusinthaku kumawoneka kwadzidzidzi komanso kosamvetsetseka. Ngati mukudziwa zifukwa zomwe zimachititsa kuti asinthe maganizo ake - mwachitsanzo, "Mkazi wanga amadana nane chifukwa ndinanyenga" - mumadziwa bwino lomwe vuto lake ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita. Mofananamo, ngati zili choncho “Ndikuganiza kuti mkazi wanga woyembekezera amadana nane”, mungalimbikitsidwe chifukwa chakuti maganizo amenewa amabwera chifukwa cha kusintha kwa thupi limene akukumana nalo ndipo mwachiyembekezo adzasintha pambuyo pa mimba.

Kaya chifukwa chake chingakhale chotani, m'pofunika kwambiri kuti musalole kuti zinthu zikuyendereni bwino. Research wasonyeza kuti ukwati wopanda chimwemwe ukhoza kubweretsa milingo yotsika ya chikhutiro cha moyo, chimwemwe, ndi kudzidalira. Ndipotu kukhala m’banja lopanda chimwemwe kumawononga kwambiri maganizo kuposa kusudzulana. Simukufuna kusiya iye ndi banja lanu, sichoncho? Ndiye tabwera kuti tikuwuzeni chochita mkazi wanu akakudani...

5 Zizindikiro Mkazi Wanu Amakudani

Shawn wakhala m'banja kwa zaka 7. Iye anatiuza kuti: “Mkazi wanga amadana nane koma safuna kusudzulana, tili ndi ana awiri. Kuphatikiza pa zomwe Shawn adanena, nazi zizindikiro zinanso kuti mkazi wanu amakudani:

1. Nonse simulankhula

“Mkazi wanga amadana nane mwadzidzidzi ndipo safunanso kundilankhula,” anaulula zakukhosi kwa Cristopher kwa bwenzi lake, atachitidwa chipongwe. kuchitira chete kwa masabata. Monga momwe zinakhalira, iye sanali kukokomeza kapena kulingalira zochitika zoipa kwambiri. Pamene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amadana nanu, kulankhulana ndikoyamba kugunda. Nazi zizindikiro zina kuti ukwati wanu suli pamalo oyenera:

• Kukangana/kudandaula kosalekeza kwasanduka kukhala chete chete
• Wasiya kugawana nanu zakukhosi kwake / zofooka / mantha ake
• Tsopano amaika patsogolo china chilichonse kuposa ubale

2. Sakusamala za iwe

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mkazi wanu amakuda? Mkhalidwe wolera waloŵedwa m'malo ndi malingaliro opanda pake. Kusintha kumeneku m'malingaliro ake kudzawonetsa kusakhalapo kwa zinthu zing'onozing'ono zomwe adakuchitirani molimbika m'mbuyomu kotero kuti mwina simunazindikire kuti akuika zambiri. kuyesetsa mu ubale. Koma tsopano zonsezi zasintha. Iye sakutero:

• Nenaninso kuti “ndimakukondani”
• Akupatseni mphatso monga momwe amachitira poyamba
• Sonyezani chikondi mwa manja ang'onoang'ono

3. Sayesanso kuoneka bwino pozungulira inu

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu kuti mkazi wanu sakusangalala m’banja ndipo amakukwiyirani n’chakuti amangosiya. M’mbuyomu, mwina ankayesetsa kuvala ndi kuoneka bwino pozungulira inu. Amavala mitundu yomwe mumakonda. Tsopano, akamapita nanu, amavala mophweka, pamene ali ndi mapulani ndi anzake, amavala monga momwe amachitira kale. Ngati sakufunanso kukuchotsani pamapazi anu kapena akusangalala ndi zoyamika zanu, ndi nthawi yoti mudzifunse kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga wakhala wosalabadira kwa ine?"

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 8 Zoyenera Kuchita Mkazi Wanu Akakusiyani

4. Amakuona ngati mdani

Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akakudani, zomwe akufuna kuchita ndikusunga zigoli ndikubwezera. Chikhumbo chake chofuna kupambana chimasonyeza kuti ukwati wanu wasanduka chipwirikiti. Kuyimilira mkwiyo m'banja zapangitsa kuti ayambe kukuona ngati mdani osati mwamuna amene ankakondana naye. Izi zitha kubweretsa kusintha kotere m'makhalidwe ake:

• Amasamala za kupambana kusiyana ndi kubwera pa chigamulo ndikuyambiranso kukhala wamba
• Sanyengerera/kusintha
• Nthawi zonse amatsutsana ndi inu
• Amakulitsa nkhani m'malo moyesa kuthetsa

5. Amapewa kucheza nanu

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mkazi wanu amakuda? Sakulakalakanso kukhala limodzi. Mwadzidzidzi zimawoneka ngati ndinu otanganidwa kwambiri mu ubale kuposa mnzanu pamene, m'mbuyomu, akanatha kupitilira mosangalala kuti akumwetulireni. Nazi zizindikiro zina kuti alibe chidwi ndi inu:

• Wayamba kusangalala ndi nthawi yocheza kusiyana ndi kukhala pamodzi
• Angakonde kuchita china chilichonse chokhudza ubale wanu
• Amakupangitsani kumva ngati mukumukakamiza kuti awononge nthawi

Zifukwa 8 Zomwe Zingapangitse Mkazi Wanu Amakudani

“Sindidziŵa chifukwa chake mkazi wanga amandida” si mkhalidwe wachilendo wa kusokonezeka maganizo. Mungapeze kuti mwasoŵeka ndi kusokonezeka pamene mukuyesera kugwirizana ndi kuzindikira kuti mwakwatirana ndi munthu amene amanyansidwa nanu. Kufotokozera chifukwa chake kusintha kwakumverera uku kumachitika, katswiri wa zamaganizo Kranti Momin M'mbuyomu adauza Bonobology, "Pali umboni wosonyeza kuti chidani ndi chikondi zikhoza kukhala pamodzi mu ubale. Maubwenzi okondana, ndi chikondi chonse, ndizovuta.

“Mosasamala kanthu kuti mumasamala motani munthu wina, sadzakupangitsani kukhala wosangalala nthaŵi zonse. Pazifukwa izi, pali zifukwa zomwe mkazi wanu amakudani:

1. Ali ndi zambiri zoti athane nazo payekha

Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe mkazi wanu amakuda ndi chakuti amavutika kwambiri ndi moyo komanso zonse zomwe zimamukhumudwitsa. Mwina akuona kuti wakhala akugwira ntchito zapakhomo popanda kuthandizidwa ndi inu. Imeneyi ndi imodzi mwa nkhani zimene zimabweretsa mkwiyo m’banja, zimene m’kupita kwa nthaŵi zingalowe m’malo mwa udani. Dzifunseni nokha:

• Kodi mumagawana zochuluka bwanji?
• Kodi mumawononga nthawi yochuluka monga momwe amachitira panyumba?
• Kodi ndiye yekha amene amasamalira ana?

2. Simumamupangitsa kumva kuti ndi wapadera

Ngati simunathe kuchotsa lingaliro lakuti, “Sindikuoneka kuti sindikudziŵa chifukwa chimene mkazi wanga amandida,” kungakhale kutembenukira ku khama limene mwakhala mukuchita polimbitsa ubwenzi wanu kungakuthandizeni kupeza mayankho. Malinga ndi kafukufuku, maanja omwe amakhala ndi nthawi yabwino yochezerana kamodzi pa sabata amakhala ndi mwayi woti "akusangalala kwambiri" m'mabanja awo poyerekeza ndi omwe sanatero.

Ngati simunayesetse kulumikizana naye, zitha kukhala chifukwa chimodzi chomwe akuvutikira. Mayi aliyense amayenera kuchita zinthu moganizira mofatsa monga kumupezera maluwa ndi vinyo kapena kumuphikira chakudya chamadzulo madzulo achikondi kunyumba.

3. Amadana ndi zizolowezi zanu

"Mkazi wanga akuti amadana nane, koma chifukwa chiyani?" Vutoli litha kuthetsedwa ndikuwunika pang'ono. Malinga ndi a phunziro, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zofala za kusudzulana. Momwemonso, kumwa mowa mwauchidakwa, kusuta, kusewera masewera / foni, kapena zizolowezi zoyipa monga kutchova njuga zitha kuyambitsa mkangano pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu.

Ndiye, kodi muli ndi chizoloŵezi choterocho chimene mkazi wanu amadana nacho ndipo mukupitirizabe kuchichita? Mwina anayesera kukambirana nanu kapena kukupemphani kuti mukonzeko pang’ono, koma simunamvere. Ichi chikhoza kukhala chifukwa chomveka chomwe wakhalira kutali, wozizira, komanso wodzipatula.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mkazi Wanga Akupitiriza Kubweretsa Zolakwa Zanga Zakale. Chonde pangirani.

4. Simumuyang'ana

Chofunikira kwambiri mumgwirizano ndikuwunikana nthawi ndi nthawi komanso mafunso kukulitsa ubale wanu kuwonetsetsa kuti onse awiri akumva kuwonedwa, kumva, ndi kusamalidwa. Nazi zitsanzo:

• "Tsiku lanu linali bwanji?"
• Munagwira ntchito molimbika pa ulaliki umenewo.
• Ndikudziwa kuti munali ndi milungu ingapo yovuta. Mukumva bwanji?

Ngati simukukumbukira nthaŵi yapitayo imene munayesako kufikira mkazi wanu kuti mungowona mmene akukugwirizirirani, angakhale akudzimva kukhala wosasamalidwa ndi wosawoneka, zimene zingampangitse kudana nanu.

5. Kusintha kwa thupi ndi mlandu

A Reddit user analemba, "Mkazi wanga woyembekezera amadana nane. Sindingathe kuchita kapena kunena chilichonse choyenera. Amangokhalira kunena zachisudzulo ndi kulera ana, kodi izi ndizabwinobwino? Kodi ndingachite chiyani kuti ndithandizire vutoli?

Chikondi pambuyo pa ukwati kusintha, makamaka pa nthawi ya mimba. Zikatero, musalole kuti “mkazi wanga amadana nane ndipo akufuna chisudzulo” akukuvutitsani. Thupi lake likukumana ndi zovuta zambiri ndipo ali wopsinjika kwambiri mwakuthupi ndi m'malingaliro, kotero kusintha kwa malingaliro ake sikungakhale ndi chochita ndi inu. Chimodzimodzinso ngati mkazi wanu akutha msinkhu kapena akudwala.

6. Mumamudzudzula nthawi zonse

Kutsutsa ndi chimodzi mwazo apakavalo anayi a Chivumbulutso mu maubwenzi, malinga ndi katswiri wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo Dr. John Gottman. Ngati nthawi zonse mumadzudzula ndi kunyoza mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi kumupangitsa kudziona kuti ndi wopanda pake, sikovuta kuona chifukwa chake amakudani. Malinga ndi kafukufuku potengera kuunika kwa okwatirana 132, kudzudzula kosalekeza muukwati kunaneneratu kwambiri za kupsinjika kwa mnzako yemwe akudzudzulidwa.

Ndiye, ngati muli pano, mukudandaula kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani mkazi wanga amandichitira nkhanza chonchi?”, dzifunseni kuti, kodi ingakhale njira yake yolawirani mankhwala anuanu? Kodi mwalakwa pakupanga mawu otsutsa ngati:

• “Ndiwe waulesi kwambiri, m’nyumbamo muli chipwirikiti!”
• “Ndinakuuzani momwe mungachitire, bwanji simunangotsatira malangizo anga?”
• "Inde, mwakwezedwa koma vuto ndi chiyani?"

7. Sakhutitsidwa pogonana

Mu American Psychological Association (APA) Dictionary, tanthawuzo la “kudzikonda” landandalikidwa monga, “chizoloŵezi chochita zinthu mopambanitsa kapena kungofuna kudzipindulitsa, ngakhale kuti ena ali ovutika”. Ndipo izi zimagwira mbali zonse za ubale wanu, kuphatikizapo mphamvu zanu m'chipinda chogona.

Ngati mumangoyang'ana pa zosowa zanu pabedi, izi zitha kukhala chifukwa chomwe ukwati wanu uli pa ayezi wochepa. Mukufuna ubwenzi ngati kuti ndi ufulu wanu? Pamene muli limodzi, ndi mchitidwe zonse za inu kukwaniritsa chachikulu O? Kodi mumamusiya ali pamwamba ndikuuma mukamaliza? Ngati inde, ndiye kuti siubwenzi wabwino chifukwa zosowa zake sizikukwaniritsidwa.

8. Akhoza kuvutika maganizo

Mnzangayo anaulula kuti: “Mkazi wanga amakhala wokwiya ndiponso wosasangalala nthawi zonse. Zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo. Maganizo a mkazi wanu angakhale opanda chochita ndi kukudani. Ngati watalikirana naye ndipo sakuwoneka ngati momwe amachitira nthawi zonse, musataye mtima. Amafunikira chithandizo, chichirikizo, ndi chikondi, tsopano kuposa ndi kale lonse. Ngakhale akutsekereza, fikirani kwa iye ndikuchita zomwe mungathe thandizani mkazi wanu wovutika maganizo.

Malangizo 9 Othana Ndi Mkazi Wanu Amakudani

Munayamba mwamvapo za womvetsa chisoni mkazi syndrome? Mawuwa adapangidwa kalekale ndipo amatchedwanso walkaway wife syndrome. Mwamuna wosazindikira akamanyalanyaza zofuna za mkazi wake nthawi zonse, tsiku lina labwino, mkaziyo amasankha kuchoka pabanjapo. Chifukwa chake, muyenera kuyang'ana kwambiri kupulumutsa banja lanu nthawi isanathe. Nawa maupangiri omwe mungagwiritse ntchito mukawona zizindikiro zomwe mkazi wanu akufuna kukusiyani:

1. Yambani kuthandiza kwambiri

Kodi mumatsatirabe miyambo udindo wa jenda m'banja? Ngati inde, mufunseni zomwe mungachite kuti muthandizire. Muuzeni kuti mumayamikira khama lake ndipo mukufuna kumuthandiza mmene mungathere. Yakwana nthawi yoti musinthe nkhani ya "Sindithandiza mkazi wanga" ndi:

• Kutsuka mbale uku akutsuka
• Kusamalira homuweki ya mwana wanu
• Kugula zakudya

2. Yamikirani khama lake

Ndikuganiza kuti mkazi wanga amadana nane, nditani tsopano? Eric anafunsa mayi ake, atatopa kwambiri kuti akonze zinthu ndi mkazi wake. Amayi ake a Eric anam’patsa malangizo osavuta akuti: “Muzim’konda, muziwakonda, muziwayamikira, ndipo yesetsani kumudziwitsa kuti mumamukonda.”

M'malo modumphadumpha kwambiri, chitani zinthu zazing’ono zolimbitsa ukwati wanu. Mutha kumudabwitsa ndi maluwa / zolemba zachikondi. Komanso, nawa mawu ena omwe mungagwiritse ntchito kumuyamikira, malinga ndi Mndandanda wa Kukonzanso kwa Gottman:

• “Zikomo chifukwa…”
• "Ndikumvetsa"
• "Ndimakukondani"
• "Ndikuthokoza chifukwa cha ..."
• “Limeneli sivuto lako, ndi vuto LATHU”

3. Muzicheza naye nthawi yambiri

Mabanja ambiri amakhala kutali chifukwa chotanganidwa. Phokoso lapakati pawo limakulabe ndipo nthawi zambiri zimakhala mochedwa pofika nthawi yomwe amazindikira kuwonongeka komwe kwachitika pa ubale wawo. Kenako, tsegulani kusasamala mu ubale wanu ndipo yesetsani kubwezeretsa chomangira chanu ndi:

• Kukonzekera maulendo amasiku onse / maulendo ataliatali
• Kutenga zokonda zatsopano limodzi (makalasi a Salsa/Bachata)
• Kupatsana ola limodzi lopanda zida tsiku lililonse

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4. Kambiranani mogwira mtima

Achipatala Gopa Khan Iye anati: “Nthaŵi zonse ndimalimbikitsa makasitomala anga kuti azilankhulana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo mwamtendere.

Kumbukirani, sikofunikira kungolankhula kokha, komanso kulankhula moyenera. Ngati kukambirana kulikonse pakati pa inu ndi mkazi wanu kusanduka mkangano, mwachionekere muli nawo mavuto olumikizirana kugonjetsa. Nazi njira zing'onozing'ono zomwe zingapangitse zotsatira zazikulu kuti muthe kulankhulana bwino muubwenzi wanu:

• Kugwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti "Ine" kuwonetsetsa kuti sakumva ngati akutsutsidwa chilichonse
• Kupewa mlandu masewera
• Osati kuweruza
• Gwiritsani ntchito mawu oyanjanitsa kuti mufike ku gwero la zovuta zanu
• Kumumvetsera mwachidwi komanso kumumvera chisoni

5. Tengani chithandizo cha maanja

The 300% yowonjezera chiwerengero cha maanja kukaonana ndi mlangizi wa mabanja zikusonyeza bwino kuti okwatirana sakukaniratu ukwati wawo mwayi wachiwiri. Mphunzitsi wa ubale Pooja Priyamvada amalangiza, “Ngati muli mu a ukwati wopanda chikondi, funani thandizo la akatswiri. N’chifukwa chiyani mukuona choncho? Kodi zinali choncho nthawi zonse kapena zinayamba pambuyo pa chochitika china? Moyenera, okwatirana onse ayenera kupita kukalandira uphungu waukwati ndi kupeza malingaliro atsopano oti athetsere vutoli.”

Koma, kumbukirani kuti chithandizo cha maanja sichiri chozizwitsa. Research limasonyeza kuti chipambano cha chithandizo chimakhudza kwambiri malingaliro a wolandira chithandizo osati mtundu wa chithandizo. Chifukwa chake, upangiri umagwira ntchito bwino kwa makasitomala omwe amayandikira chithandizo ndi malingaliro otsimikiza kuti kusintha ndikotheka ndipo ali ndi chidwi chodzigwirira ntchito okha. Ngati mukuganiza kuti chithandizo/uphungu wa maanja ungakuthandizeni kulumikizananso ndi mkazi wanu, alangizi aluso komanso odziwa zambiri pa Gulu la Bonobology zili pano chifukwa cha inu.

6. Limbikitsani ubwenzi wapamtima

M’modzi wa oŵerenga athu anafunsa akatswiri athu a zaubwenzi kuti, “Mkazi wanga amadana nane mwadzidzidzi ndipo wasiya kusangalala ndi kugonana. Ngati mukulimbana ndi kusagonana m'banja, kapena ngati mukufuna kusintha khalidwe la kugonana, muyenera kukulitsa ubale wanu ndi mkazi wanu ndi olera. ubwenzi wakuthupi muubwenzi.

Sexologist Dr. Rajan Bhonsle limalangiza kuti, “Kusonyezana chikondi kosagonana monga kugwirana chanza, kukumbatirana, kukumbatirana, ndi kupsompsonana n’kofunika kwambiri kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi amve kukhala ogwirizana komanso ogwirizana.” Choncho, yesetsani kupangitsa mkazi wanu kumva kuti amakondedwa kunja kwa chipinda chogona ngati mukufuna kuwonjezera kutentha mkati.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 22 Zokondweretsa Mkazi Wanu

7. Pitani mtunda wowonjezera

Ron, woŵerenga ku Santa Fe, anati: “Mkazi wanga amadana nane chifukwa ndinanyenga. Ron ayenera kumvetsetsa kuti kupepesa (ngakhale moona mtima chotani) chifukwa cha cholakwa chachikulu monga kusakhulupirika sikungangokonza ukwati wawo, kuchiritsa ululu, ndi kuthetsa nkhani zokhulupirirana ndi mavuto ake. paranoia wa mnzanu.  

Choncho, ngati, monga Ron, mwapereka mkazi wanu ndipo n’chifukwa chake amakudani, muyenera kuchita khama, ngakhale zitatanthauza kuti muyenera kuyankha mphindi iliyonse ya tsiku. Muyenera kukhala buku lotseguka, yemwe amasunga ziro zinsinsi. Ngati munthu amene munachita naye chibwenzi akulankhulani, mudziwitse mkazi wanu. Nkhawa zake/zowawa zake zitha kuchira pokhapokha atayamba kukhulupirira kuti simudzamunyengereranso.

8. Khalani ndi nthawi yosiyana

Zotani mkazi wako akamakuda? Lolani iye ndi inuyo kukhala ndi nthawi ndi nthawi yoti mugwiritse ntchito malingaliro anu. Kuti muthane ndi kukhumudwa kwambiri, yesani:

• Kutuluka panja/kusamukira kuchipinda china
• Kupumira kwambiri/kusinkhasinkha
• Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi / kuyenda mwachangu

"Malo mu ubale ndizofunikira chifukwa zitha kukuthandizaninso kuthana ndi zokhumudwitsa zing'onozing'ono zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhumudwa kosatha. Izi ndi zinthu zing'onozing'ono zomwe mwina munaganizapo kale kuti musamatchule, monga kung'ung'uza kapena kugogoda chala chakumapeto pamene mukuonera TV," akulangiza motero Kranti.

9. Gwirani ntchito nokha

Njira imodzi yothanirana ndi vutoli ndiyo kuganizira kwambiri zinthu zimene mkazi wanu ali nazo ndipo kenako n’kuyesetsa kuthetsa vutolo. Nkhani zitha kukhala chilichonse, kuyambira umunthu wanu mpaka zolinga za moyo wanu. Yang'anirani zoyipa kapena zoyipa zomwe muli nazo ndipo yesetsani kuzisintha.

"Ndimauza makasitomala anga kuti akuyenera kudzipangira okha kaye, kuti mupulumutse banja lomwe likuyandikira kwambiri, muyenera kuvala nkhope yanu yabwino, muyenera kuoneka ngati munthu wodekha komanso wodalirika kwa mnzanu," akutero Gopa.

Pomaliza, m'malo monena zinthu monga “Mkazi wanga sandichitira kalikonse”, “Ndimakonda mkazi wanga koma sindimamukonda”, kapena “Zomwe ndimaona ndi zizindikiro za akazi oipa”, fufuzani mozama. Kodi mungakhale bwanji mwamuna wabwino? Mungamuchitirenso chiyani? Kodi mumakonda munthu amene muli? Lembani mndandanda wa makhalidwe onse omwe mukufuna mwa mnzanuyo, ndiyeno, phatikizani makhalidwewo mu umunthu wanu.

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