Momwe Mungakulire Malo Paubwenzi

Ngakhale tamva za mawu akuti, "Kusowa kumapangitsa mtima kusangalatsa", timachita mantha kwambiri ndi lingaliro la malo mu ubale. Kufunika kwa malo aumwini muubwenzi nthawi zambiri sikumanyalanyazidwa chifukwa kuthera nthawi pamodzi kumakambidwa molimbikitsa komanso kawirikawiri kusiyana ndi nthawi yotalikirana. Koma ndi anthu awiri amene amapanga banja.

Anthu ena amati, "Ndikufuna malo ambiri pachibwenzi." Ena amati, “Pali malo ochuluka muubwenzi ndipo sindimakonda.” Nthawi zambiri, anthu amitundu iwiriyi amatha kupezana. Ndipo motero imayamba ntchito yachinyengo yoganizira kuchuluka kwa malo omwe munthu ali nawo pachibwenzi.

Kukhala pachibwenzi chachikondi sikutanthauza kuti muyenera kukhala ogwirizana nthawi zonse. Ngati malo agwiritsidwa ntchito moyenera, amatha kugwira ntchito zodabwitsa pogwirizanitsa okwatirana ndikulimbitsa ubale wawo. Kuti tikuthandizeni kumvetsetsa njira yoyenera yoyendetsera malo muubwenzi, tidalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa za kugonana ndi kusamalira ubale.

Kodi Space mu Ubale Ndi Chinthu Chabwino?

Pambuyo pa mliri wa Covid-19, pamene okwatirana ankakakamizika kukhala pafupi wina ndi mnzake popanda zosokoneza zambiri kuposa kale lonse, lingaliro la malo muubwenzi linayamba kuonekera ndipo linayamba kukhala lofunika kwambiri. Panali funso la "kukhumudwa chifukwa chokhala ndi zambiri" poyerekeza ndi "chisangalalo chopeza nthawi yabwino". Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti panali mayankho ofanana pa onse awiri momwe mliriwu unakhudzira kukhutira kwa okwatirana panthawi ya mliriwu.

Ndiye, kodi muyenera kukhulupirira chiyani? Kodi malo ndi abwino paubwenzi? Kodi malo muubwenzi ndi abwino? Kodi malo amapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wosangalatsa komanso wosangalatsa? Kapena kodi zonsezi ndi nthano ndipo mukamagwirizana kwambiri ndi mnzanu, zimakhala bwino? Kafukufuku wa nthawi yayitali wa ku America wokhudza ukwati wotchedwa The Early Years of Marriage Project , womwe wakhala ukutsatira mabanja 373 omwewo kwa zaka zoposa 25, wasonyeza kuti 29% ya okwatirana adati sanapeze "chinsinsi kapena nthawi yodzipatula" muubwenzi wawo. Mwa omwe adanena kuti sakusangalala, 11.5% adati kusowa chinsinsi kapena nthawi yodzipatula ndi komwe kumabweretsa vuto kwa 6% omwe adati sakusangalala ndi moyo wawo wogonana.

Yankho lake ndi lomveka. Maanja ochulukirapo adawona kufunikira kwa malo awoawo komanso chinsinsi kuposa kusakhutitsidwa ndi kugonana monga gawo lalikulu la mikangano ndi okondedwa awo. N'zosadabwitsa kuti akatswiri amakhulupirira kuti malo si abwino kwa ubale wachikondi, ndi wofunikira kuti ukhale wabwino ndi kuphuka. Nawa maubwino ochepa achangu komanso owoneka bwino osunga malo kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino:

• Danga limathandiza kulimbikitsa munthu payekha komanso kulimbikitsa kudziimira
• Zimasonyeza kuti banja lakhazikitsa malire abwino
• Kukhala ndi nthawi yosasokonezedwa ndi ife tokha kumatipangitsa kukhala ogwirizana kwambiri ndi thanzi lathu lamaganizidwe mwa kusamala kwambiri momwe tikumvera komanso momwe tikumvera komanso kumatipangitsa kukhala okonzeka kuthana ndi dziko lapansi.
• Kudzilola tokha malo kumachepetsanso mwayi wokalipira anzathu. Izi zimakhala choncho makamaka panthawi ya mikangano mu chiyanjano komanso mikangano yamkati
• Kudziwa chinsinsi chokhudza wokondedwa wanu komanso moyo wake wosiyana ndi inu kumabweretsa chisangalalo ndikuchepetsa kunyong'onyeka kwa ubale
• Zimachepetsa mwayi wa ubale kukhala wodalira komanso wowopsa

Sitikuyesera kuchotsa kufunika kwa kulankhulana nthawi zonse komanso kukhala pamodzi. "Kukhala pamodzi ndikwabwino bola ngati kukupangitsani kukhala osangalala koma ngati muyamba kumva kuti muli ndi mantha osagwirizana ndiye kuti pali vuto lalikulu," akutero Jaseena . Ichi chikhoza kukhala chizindikiro chakuti mukupita ku ubale wolephera. Nthawi yomweyo, kutalikirana ndi mnzanu kungakhale mbali ina ya lupanga lakuthwa konsekonse. Ndicho chifukwa chake kuchuluka kwa malo muubwenzi ndikwabwinobwino kuyenera kukhala funso lanu lotsatira.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zifukwa 5 Zomwe Malo Mu Ubwenzi Si Chizindikiro Choopsa

Kodi Malo Ochuluka Mu Ubwenzi Ndi Wachibadwa?

Bola anthu awiri achita zinthu zomwe amakonda kuchita komanso amayesetsa kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino limodzi, malo muubwenzi ndi abwinobwino. Mwachitsanzo, mnzawo m'modzi angasangalale kuwerenga, ndipo winayo angakonde kuonera mpira, ndipo onse awiri angaone kuti chidwi cha wina ndi mnzake n'chosasangalatsa. Kodi zotsatira zake ziwirizi ndi ziti?

1. Njira imodzi ndi yoti aliyense athe kukulitsa chidwi cha mnzake pa dzina lochitira zonse pamodzi, ndi kutemberera wina pansi pa mpweya wake pomwe mnzakeyo ali ndi mlandu.
2. Chinacho chingakhale kusaumirira kuchita zonse pamodzi. Atha kusankha kuchita chinthu chachitatu chomwe onse amasangalala nacho monga kuwonera filimu panja ndikusiya kuwerenga ndikuwona mpira ngati zochitika zanthawi yanga.

Kodi chosankha chachiŵiri sichikanachititsa kuipidwa kwambiri ndi kukhutiritsidwa kwaumwini? Tikukhulupirira kuti yayankha funso, "Kodi danga ndi bwino pa ubale?" Koma kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti okwatirana sayenera kufuna kugawana nawo moyo wawo, zilakolako zawo, ndi zokhumba zawo? Kodi ndi kulakwa kuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo akhale mboni ya moyo wanu? Inde sichoncho. Yankho la kuchuluka kwa malo mu ubale ndi wabwinobwino lagona penapake pakati. Monga chilichonse m'dziko lino, kulinganiza ndikofunikira! Kukupatsirani ma binaries ochepa kwambiri kuti akuthandizeni kuti tigwire:

Malo ochuluka kwambiri	Malo ochepa kwambiri
Mumacheza nthawi zonse m'magulu a anzanu ndipo simudziwana ndi anzanu	Mulibe abwenzi. Inu ndi mnzanu mukamamenyana, mulibe munthu yemwe mungamufikire kuti afotokoze / kugawana / kucheza naye
Inu nonse mulibe chofanana. Muli ndi zokonda zosiyana, zosankha za zakudya, komanso maholide. Inu ndi mnzanu mulibe choyankhula	Mumachita zonse pamodzi. Palibe chatsopano kugawana ndi wokondedwa wanu chomwe sachidziwa
Nonse awiri mulibe zolinga zogawana zamtsogolo. Simunalankhule za izi kwa nthawi yayitali	Inu nonse mulibe zolinga ndi cholinga m'moyo chomwe mungayang'anire kapena kuthandizira okondedwa anu
Inu ndi mnzanuyo muli kukula mosiyana. Simumawonana	Inu ndi mnzanu mulibe malire
Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu simukukondananso	Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu mukuyamba kunyongererana

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 13 Zokongola Zopezera Chibwenzi

Kodi Ndi Chiyani Chomwe Chimatengedwa Kuti Ndi Thanzi Labwino Mu Ubale?

Gome ili pamwambapa lingakuuzeni momwe zimakhalira zosavuta kudziwa kuchuluka kwa malo abwino muubwenzi, kapena zingakupangitseni kusokonezeka kwambiri kuposa kale. Chifukwa palibe yankho lofanana ndi lonse la "kodi malo abwino muubwenzi ndi chiyani". Chowonadi ndi chakuti momwe timachitira ndi malo, kuchuluka kapena zochepa zomwe timafunikira ndi malingaliro athu, kutengera njira zathu zolumikizirana.

Tikakhala otetezeka kwambiri pa njira yathu yolumikizirana, zimakhala zosavuta kuti tikhale tokha komanso odziyimira pawokha komanso kuti tidziwe bwino za malo athu. Chitsanzo: kafukufukuyu , yemwe akuwonetsa kuti "chitetezo cha kulumikizana ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri chomwe chikuwonetsa ubwino wa ubale wathu panthawi ya malamulo a COVID-19."

Kuwonjezera apo, kufunikira kwa malo nthawi zambiri kumagwiritsidwa ntchito ngati kufotokozera kuthetsa chiyanjano kapena kulankhula za kutayika kwa malingaliro mu chiyanjano, ndipo tili ndi bomba logwedeza mu mawonekedwe a "Mverani Ndikufunika kuyankhula. Izi zimapangitsa "Ndikufuna malo" imodzi mwamitu yogwira mtima kwambiri pakati pa maanja.

Polankhula za malo abwino pachibwenzi, Jaseena akuti, "Malo amaonedwa kuti ndi athanzi bola ngati ali omasuka kwa okwatirana koma osakwanira kuti munthu wina alowe." Malo muubwenzi ndi abwino ngati:

• Zimakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi chidziwitso komanso kudzidalira popanda kumverera kutali ndi wokondedwa wanu
• Zakhala zikukuthandizani kuthana ndi malingaliro otaya cholinga
• Zakupangitsani inu ndi mnzanuyo kukhala ndi chidwi chofuna kuphunzira za zomwe mumakonda
• Mumasangalala kudziwitsana za moyo wanu, zochita zanu, ndi anthu mmenemo
• Zawonjezeka maganizo ndi ubwenzi wapamtima pakati pa mnzako
• Zimakuthandizani kuthana ndi kusudzulana ndi munthu ngati gawo la lamulo loletsa kulumikizana

Koma ngati mungadabwe "Kodi malo amathandiza ubale wosweka", yankho lathu ndi ayi! Ngati mukunena kuti ubale wanu "wasweka" kapena mukumva kuti simukugwirizana ndi bwenzi lanu, ubale wanu ukhoza kukhala wofunikira TLC yowonjezera. Kupatula nthawi ndi wina ndi mzake ndikuyika mphamvu zanu muzolimbitsa thupi zolimbikitsa kukhulupirirana kungakhale kothandiza kwambiri kuposa kufunafuna njira zoperekera kapena kutenga nthawi muubwenzi.

Momwe Mungapangire Ndi Kulimbikitsa Malo Athanzi Mu Ubale

Kuthana ndi malo muubwenzi ndi chinthu chomwe banja limaphunzira pakapita nthawi, pamene kudalirana kumakula ndipo kulankhulana kumalimba. Ndipo zingatenge miyezi kapena zaka kuti potsiriza tidziwe kuchuluka kwa malo omwe amawagwirira ntchito. Kuphatikiza apo, zosowa zaubwenzi zimakhala zosinthasintha nthawi zonse. Zimafunika kuganiza mozama komanso mwanzeru komanso kugwira ntchito kuti tithetse vuto la thanzi ndikukhala ndi ziyembekezo zenizeni muubwenzi.

Mosasamala kanthu, tikugawana nanu malangizo angapo omwe angakuthandizeni, pamodzi ndi mnzanu, kukulitsa malo oyenera muubwenzi wanu ndikuusamalira. Jaseena anati: “Kuti tipeze malo abwino, okwatirana ayenera kuyamba ndi kuika malamulo oti azitsatira.” Malamulowa adzakhala othandiza pamene mukuyesera kulankhula ndi wokondedwa wanu za kufunika kwa malo m’chibwenzi komanso poyesa kudziŵa kuchuluka kwake komwe kungagwire ntchito bwino kwa inu monga okwatirana.

Mukudziwa, palibe chifukwa chotaya tulo chifukwa cha mafunso monga, "Kodi amafunikira malo, kapena watha?" kapena “Akunena kuti akufuna malo, kodi wagwa m’chikondi?”, pamene mnzanuyo akukuuzani kuti afunika kukhala ndi nthawi yodzipatula. Ingowerengani kuti mupeze chidaliro chothana ndi malo ndikupanga kupha kuchokera ku mphotho zomwe zikuyenera kupereka.

1. Limbikitsani zokonda zanu ndi zokhumba zanu

Ndikofunika kuti muzisangalala ndi nthawi yanu kuti mukhale chizolowezi chokhazikika. Simungathe kudzilanga nokha ndikudzikakamiza kutali ndi okondedwa wanu kuti mungokwaniritsa zofunikira kuti mukhale osangalala. Chifukwa chake, mukatenga malo muubwenzi nokha, gwiritsani ntchito pochita zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani.

Jaseena anati: “Ganizirani zinthu zimene mwakhala mukufuna kuchita kwa nthawi yaitali koma simunazichite chifukwa chakuti mnzanuyo alibe changu chanu pa zimenezi.” Izi zidzakupatsani nonse china chatsopano kuti mugawane, mbali ya mzake yomwe simunawonepo. Simukuyenera kukhala bukhu lotseguka, mukudziwa! Chidziwitso chachinsinsi komanso chovuta ndichokopa!

2. Limbikitsani okondedwa anu kuti atsatire zilakolako zawo

Mofananamo, yesetsani kulimbikitsa mnzanu kuti atsatire zomwe amakonda komanso zomwe amakonda. Mukatero, mukuwalola kuti atenge malo muubwenzi. Ndipotu, simukufuna kuti chibwenzi chanu chikhale ndi malo ofanana ndi anu muubwenzi, kuyang'ana pa iwo okha ndi kukula kwawo ndipo osayamba kuda nkhawa ndi zinthu zoti achite pamene chibwenzi chawo chikuwanyalanyaza?

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Kuthera Nthawi Ndi Anzanu Kumathandizira Kukonza Ubale Wanu

3. Pangani malo osiyana siyana anu, ngakhale aang'ono bwanji

Wolemba Chingerezi Virginia Woolf, mu nkhani yake ya 1929, A Room Of One's Own , akufotokoza kufunika kwa malo osiyana omwe mungatchule anu. Amalankhula ndi akazi, ophunzira, ndi olemba omwe angakhalepo a nthawi yake koma upangiriwu ndi woona kwa aliyense wa ife nthawi zina. Chipinda chathu ndi chomwe timafunikira. Ngati simungathe kugula, chifukwa cha kusowa kwa malo kapena ndalama, ganizirani za desiki yosiyana, kapena ngodya ya desiki. Lingaliro ndikukhala ndi chinthu chomwe chili chanu, chomwe chikukuyembekezerani, chomwe mungabwererenso.

Wonjezerani izi ku mbali zina za moyo wanu. Onani ngati mungakhale ndi zovala zosiyana kapena gawo la zovala. Sitikuyesa kukupangani kuti mukhale odzikonda ndikudzifunira nokha zinthu mowonongera ena, koma nthawi zambiri timakonda kudzipereka mochuluka ngati sipangakhale chifukwa chochitira tero.

4. Dzipangireni nthawi yanu, ngakhale ifupikitse bwanji

Ganizirani mofanana, koma ndi nthawi. Ngakhale mutakhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndipo moyo wanu uli wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wanu/anthu anu, pangani nthawi yanu. Tengani nthawi yocheza nokha ndikupanga miyambo yopatulika kwa inu. Nazi zitsanzo zingapo:

• Kuyenda kwa mphindi makumi atatu
• Kugona masana
• A mphindi makumi awiri gawo la kusinkhasinkha m'mawa
• Mphindi khumi ndi zisanu ndikulemba pabedi
• A theka la ola pogona kusamba mwambo ndi matambasula pang'ono, shawa otentha, wodekha tiyi

Mutha kukulitsa lingaliro ili kumalingaliro ena monga malingaliro ndi ndalama. Nazi zinthu zingapo zomwe Jaseena amalimbikitsa:

• Kuti mumve maganizo anu, musalankhule pamene mnzanuyo ali kuntchito
• Ngati pempholi liri malo opanda phokoso, ndiye kuti pamene mwamuna kapena mkaziyo angokhala chete, asiyeni okha mpaka abwerenso kudzakambirana
• Pamene mwamuna kapena mkazi ali pa zomwe amakonda, apatseni malo opangira
• Malo azachuma atha kupangidwa pokhala ndi maakaunti akubanki osiyana ndi masitetimenti

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 12 Zimene Akazi Amachita Zomwe Zimawononga Maukwati

5. Pangani malire okhudzana ndi kulankhulana pafoni

Maanja amalowererana mosadziwa pafupipafupi chifukwa cha malire osadziwika bwino okhudzana ndi mafoni ndiukadaulo wina. Timayitana wina ndi mnzake pazinthu zazing'ono. Timayimba foni nthawi zonse mnzathu akamayimba kapena zidziwitso zathu zikulira, zilibe kanthu komwe tili komanso zomwe tikuchita. Sitiganizira n’komwe pochita zimenezi.

Zanenedwa kale zokwanira zokhudza momwe malo ochezera a pa Intaneti amakhudzira maubwenzi . Tiyeni tiganizire zomwe tingachite. "Konzani malamulo ndi mnzanu pankhani yolankhulana pafoni ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti," Jaseena akulangiza. Sankhani kuyimba foni nthawi inayake kuti mupewe nkhawa komanso kupewa mauthenga obwerezabwereza. Yesetsani kuti musamayang'ane mnzanu nthawi zonse ndipo muwalole kuti iwo ndi inu nokha mumve zonse zomwe mukuchita.

6. Yambitsani kukayikira ndi zodetsa nkhawa popempha malo

Kumudula mnzako mopanda chifundo mwadzidzidzi sizomwe tikukupemphani pano. Chifukwa chakuti mmodzi wa inu wamva kufunika kokhala ndi nthawi yambiri ndi inu kapena ndi anthu ena sizikutanthauza kuti mnzanuyo angadziwe momwe mukumvera. Ndikofunikira kuti wokondedwa wanu akhale patsamba lomwelo ndi inu. Jaseena anati: “Pamene mukuyankha zimene mnzanuyo akufuna kuti apeze malo kapena powapempha malo, kambiranani za nkhawa za wina ndi mnzake, zomwe zikumudetsa nkhawa, ndiponso zimene simukuzidalira. Samalani izi:

• Yankhani moleza mtima ku kukayika kwawo. Kulankhulana kumakhala kosavuta pamene okondedwa ayamba kukhala ndi malingaliro abwino
• Atsimikizireni za chikondi chanu ndi kudzipereka kwanu
• Osangonena kuti, “Ndikufuna malo.” Auzeni zomwe mukufuna kuchita komanso chifukwa chake
• Funsani wokondedwa wanu kuti akuthandizeni. Perekani thandizo lanu. Athokozeni chifukwa cha thandizo lawo

Ngati inu kapena mnzanuyo mukuona kuti n'kovuta kupatsana mpata wokwanira, ubale wanu ukhoza kukhala wopanda chikhulupiriro, mavuto okhudzana ndi kudalirana, kusadzidalira, kapena zina zotero, ndipo mungapindule ndi gawo ndi katswiri wa mabanja kapena mlangizi wa ubale. Ngati mukufuna thandizo limenelo, gulu la alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito a Bonobology lili pano kuti likuthandizeni.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Disembala 2022.

Ibibazo

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.