10 Zizindikiro Ubale Wanu Watha Ndi Momwe Mungathanirane Ndi Gawo Lotsatira

Mumadziwa bwanji ngati ubale wanu watha? Nthawi zisanu ndi zinayi mwa khumi, zizindikiro zochenjeza zilipo koma tikukhala mukukana ndikukana kuvomereza zenizeni. Kuthetsa chibwenzi n’kovuta, ndipo kuthetsa chibwenzi n’kovuta kwambiri. Mukapatukana ndi munthu yemwe mudagawana naye moyo wanu, zinthu zimakhala zovuta kwambiri. Koma panthawi ina, muyenera kuvomereza zodziwikiratu ndikuyamba kuchiritsa.

Kimber T. Barber ananena momveka bwino kuti: “Kutha kwa chikondi sikumakhala kowawa kwambiri monga mmene kumakhalira kukana kwathu kuchilandira.” Kumbukirani izi pamene mukuwerenga za zizindikiro kuti ubale wanu watha. Pakadali pano, zinthu zitha kuwoneka ngati sizikuyenda bwino chifukwa mutha kukana koma ndikhulupirireni, munthu aliyense wotsatira adamvanso chimodzimodzi kamodzi m'moyo wake. Kupitabe patsogolo sikungakhale kophweka, koma kukhalabe paubwenzi wosayenera kungawononge kwambiri thanzi lanu la maganizo ndi maganizo.

Kodi mwaganizirapo za kuopsa kwa kusiyana kwa malingaliro pakati pa mnzanu ndi mnzanu komwe kukubweretsa pa thanzi lanu la maganizo? Kodi mukudzimana motani kuti mukhalebe muubwenziwu? Mukatero, mungamve mosiyana ndikuyesera kuvomereza zizindikiro zochenjeza kuti ubale wanu watha. Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kuzindikira zizindikirozi ndikupeza momwe mungathanirane ndi kutha kwa ubale, pokambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wofufuza Megha Gurnani (MS Clinical Psychology, UK), yemwe pakadali pano akutsata digiri yake yachiwiri ya masters mu psychology ya bungwe ku USA, ndipo amadziwika kwambiri pa maubwenzi, kulera ana, ndi nkhani zaumoyo wamaganizo.

Mumadziwa Bwanji Ngati Ubwenzi Wanu Watha?

Banja lililonse limakumana ndi mavuto omwe amakumana nawo muubwenzi. Zinthu sizingakhale ngati dzuwa ndi utawaleza nthawi zonse. Koma kusiyanako kukayamba kusagwirizana, ubalewo sukuyenda bwino, ndipo onse awiri amamva ngati akutha ngati mapiri awiri a ayezi, ndi zachilendo kudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi izi ndi zizindikiro zoti ubale watha?"

Tikazindikira zimenezi, nthawi zambiri timachita zinthu mwachibadwa kuti ubale wathu ukhale wolimba kwambiri. Kodi mungavomereze bwanji kuti ubale umene munaukulitsa ndi chikondi chambiri uli pafupi kutha? Zotsatira zake zimakhala zoopsa kuziganizira, makamaka pankhani ya ubale weniweni.

Ngakhale kuti kukumana ndi chowonadi kungakhale kovuta, simudzanyalanyaza mfundo yakuti simulinso paubwenzi wabwino umene umadzetsa chimwemwe, wokuthandizani kukula, ndi wokulimbikitsani maganizo. Ndikofunika kudziwa nthawi yoyenera kusiya. Funso ndilakuti, mumadziwa bwanji? Kodi ndi zizindikiro ziti kuti ubale wautali watha? Nazi zizindikiro zina zomwe muyenera kusamala:

• Ubwenzi wakuthupi komanso kulumikizana kwamalingaliro kumagunda kwambiri
• Nthawi zonse mumalimbana ndi zinthu zazing'ono
• Zimakhala zovuta kuti mukhale chipinda chimodzi popanda kukangana
• Salinso bwenzi lanu ndipo simumva chisangalalo chofanana chogawana nawo chimwemwe chanu monga kale
• Mumayamba kupeza wokondedwa wanu akukakamira ndikuyang'ana zifukwa kuti musacheze naye
• Chikhulupiliro ndi ulemu mu ubale zimayamba kugunda
• Kuwala muubwenzi kwatha. Nthawi yomwe mumakhala limodzi sikhala yosangalatsa kapena yokondana ngati kale

Ngati mumagwirizana ndi chimodzi kapena zingapo mwa izi, sizingakhale chizindikiro cha uthenga wabwino wa ubale wanu. Malingana ndi Megha, chizindikiro chofunika kwambiri kuti ubale wanu sukuyenda bwino ndi pamene musiya kukhulupirira munthu wina ndikusiya kuganizira za iwo.

Iye anati, “Zingamveke ngati zosavuta koma ngati mukuyang'anadi zinthu ziwirizi, mavuto ena ambiri muubwenzi adzaonekera kwa inu. Nthawi zambiri, anthu akayamba kusiyana, umu ndi momwe zonse zimayambira. Samvetsetsana ndipo amakana kuona zinthu m'njira ya munthu wina. Chifukwa chake ngati mukufuna kuyesa mayeso a litmus, kudalirana ndi chifundo - kapena kusowa kwake - ndi zomwe muyenera kuyang'anira.”

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Zizindikiro 10 Kuti Ubale Wanu Utha Posachedwapa

Ubale uliwonse ndi wapadera ndipo umakhala ndi njira yakeyake - ndi zokwera ndi zotsika zonse, ndikuyenda mozungulira. Koma pali zizindikiro zochepa zodziwika za kutha kwa kulumikizana kwamalingaliro komwe kumatha kuwonedwa muubwenzi womwe wafika pachimake. Kukonza nthawi yothetsa chibwenzi? Pitani ku mfundo zomwe zikubwera ndi malingaliro abwino ndikuwunika ngati ubale wanu ukuwonetsa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti watsala pang'ono kutha. Mudzakhala ndi yankho lanu.

1. Mumamva m'matumbo

Woŵerenga wina wa ku Milwaukee analemba kuti: “Ndinakhala wosakhazikika kwa nthaŵi yaitali kwambiri ubwenzi wanga usanathe kwenikweni.

Kusudzulana, monga zizindikiro zala, ndi kwa munthu payekha, kwapadera, komanso kosiyana. Komabe, anthu nthawi zambiri amamva kuti kusudzulana kukubwera m'mafupa awo. Kumva kumeneku kungayambitsidwe ndi zochita za mnzanu (monga chinyengo , kunama, kapena nkhanza zamaganizo kapena zakuthupi), koma nthawi zambiri, sipangakhale chifukwa chenicheni chomwe chimayambitsa izi. Ndiye mungadziwe bwanji ngati chibwenzi chanu chatha? Malingaliro anu amakuuzani kuti mgwirizanowu ukuchepa.

2. Mukunamizana

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofunika kwambiri za ubale wanu. Aliyense wa inu akayamba kunama mu ubale pazifukwa zilizonse, ubalewo umanunkha kwambiri. Mukagawana malo achinsinsi, kunama kapena kubisa zambiri ndi njira yopangira mtunda. Utali uwu, ngakhale sunapangidwe mwadala, ndi mng'alu womwe udzakula pakapita nthawi. Mabodza awa akhoza kukhala amitundu iwiri. Zambiri zazing'ono zokhudza komwe muli komanso zochitika zazikulu pamoyo wanu monga kutaya ntchito kapena kukhala ndi chibwenzi. Kaya ndi mtundu wanji, mabodza ndi chinyengo sizili ndi malo mu ubale wabwino.

Mfundo yakuti yanu yadzaza ndi zimenezi, imasonyeza kuti mapeto ali pafupi. Kusaona mtima kumawononga maziko a chikhulupiriro muubwenzi ndipo kumabweretsa ululu kwa onse awiri. Megha anati: “Nthawi zambiri, anthu amanama akamaopa mmene munthu wina angayankhire choonadi ndipo amafuna kupewa mikangano ina/mikangano ina. Choncho n’zosavuta kubisa kapena kusintha choonadi. Kunama kumasonyeza zinthu zambirimbiri.

3. Wokondedwa wanu amayesa kukupatulani

Zitha kukhala zochokera kwa abale anu, anzanu apamtima, kapena anzanu. Mwanjira ina kapena imzake, angayese kukuchotsani kwa anthu omwe ndi omwe amathandizira kwambiri. Imeneyi ndi imodzi mwa njira zachikale za munthu wonyenga yemwe amagwiritsa ntchito nkhanza zamaganizo ndi masewero amphamvu kuti akhazikitse ulamuliro ndi kutsogolera ubale womwe ukuwoneka kuti uyenera.

Ngati mnzanu akukulamulani kuti musiye kulankhulana ndi mnzanu wapamtima kapena kukupemphani kuti musiye ntchito yanu, ndiye kuti ubale wanu sudzakhalanso bwino. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomveka zothetsera chibwenzi , mosasamala kanthu kuti mwakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali bwanji kapena kuti mumakonda bwanji mnzanuyo.

Anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lachipongwe amatha kukutsimikizirani kuti banja lanu likutsutsana nanu pamene kwenikweni, ndi iwo omwe ali muzu wa vutoli. Megha akuvomereza kuti, "Mnzako akakuchotsani pagulu la anthu anu, zimanena momveka bwino kuti sangakhale wabwino kwa inu. Nthawi zina, ndi zibwenzi zomwe zimakuchitirani nkhanza kwambiri, zimakhala zovuta kudziwa kuti ali ndi poizoni. Koma ichi ndi chizindikiro chachikulu chakuti ubalewu udzafa imfa yomvetsa chisoni."

4. Kodi mumadziwa liti kuti chibwenzi chatha? Pali malo osalephereka pakati pa inu awiri

Njira yodziwira kuti muyenera kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi pamene mnzanuyo salinso munthu amene mumamukonda. Sali malo otetezeka ndipo simukumva kuti ndinu otetezeka kukambirana mavuto anu nawo. Mwina nonsenu mumagawana zomwe mwakwaniritsa komanso zomwe mwakwaniritsa. Mumayimbirana foni ndikupereka zosintha. Koma n'zoonekeratu kuti zinthu zofunika kwambiri muubwenzi zasintha kuchoka pa ubwenzi kupita pa malo anuanu.

Tinamufunsa Megha ngati kuli kotheka kuti ubalewo ukulephera pamene okwatirana awiri amasangalala ndi nthawi yawo yambiri kuposa kukhala pamodzi ndipo iye anati, "Inde ndi ayi. Zimatengera munthu ndi munthu, umunthu wawo, ndi ubale wawo." Amagawana zomwe akuwona:

"Ndawonapo maanja omwe amakhala omasuka kukhala okha kwa pafupifupi 80% ya tsiku ndipo amangofuna wokondedwa wawo akakumana kuti agone usiku." Mwina wina ndi wongolankhula ndipo winayo amamvetsetsa kuti amafunikira nthawi yochulukirapo kuti azikhala achangu.

“N’zoona kuti aliyense amafunikira malo akeake ngakhale m’chibwenzi kapena m’banja.

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5. Kutha kwa miyambo ndi chizindikiro chakuti ubale wanu watha

Mu nkhani ya New York Times ya Modern Love , munali nkhani yolembedwa ndi mwamuna amene mkazi wake ankameta tsitsi lake mpaka pamene anaonekera kuti ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ndipo ukwati wawo unatha. Nkhaniyo ikufotokoza za tsitsi lake lomaliza atapatukana. Onse awiri adaganiza kuti kusiya chibwenzi ndi chinthu chanzeru kuchita.

Kugawana kapu ya tiyi m'mawa, kupsompsona pamene koloko ikugunda pakati pausiku usiku wa Chaka Chatsopano, kapena kutenga ulendo wopita ku phiri kamodzi pachaka, ubale wautali, wodzipereka umapangidwa ndi miyambo ndi miyambo yachisangalalo, zazikulu ndi zazing'ono. Miyambo yoteroyo ikatha, zimasonyeza kutha kwa chibwenzi. Amawonetsa kuti midadada yogawana moyo ikugawidwa pang'onopang'ono.

6. Chibwenzi chanu chasanduka mfuu

Chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kutha kwa ubale ndi pamene muli omvetsa chisoni pamodzi m'malo mosungira "mosangalala nthawi zonse". Pamene ndewu ndi ziwonetsero ziyamba kuposa kupsompsona ndi zokambirana, ndi chizindikiro cha mavuto m'paradaiso wanu. Ndipo osandilakwitsa, kukangana ndikwachilendo. Ndi thanzi mpaka pamlingo nawonso.

Koma kukangana nthawi zonse, kumangokhalirana ndi kusalemekezana, komanso kulephera kukhala limodzi kapena kukhala m'chipinda chimodzi kumangosonyeza kuti muyenera kusiya chibwenzi. Mumafunsa kuti, "Katswiri aliyense wa zamaganizo angakuuzeni kuti ndi nthawi yomwe mumapeza kuti ndi zosangalatsa kapena zotonthoza kuuza anthu ena zakukhosi kwanu, ndipo ndi mnzanu wanu, zokambirana zonse zimakhala ndewu . Ndi chizindikiro chakuti simunasankhe mnzanu woyenera kuyambira pachiyambi kapena mwina mwakhala mukulekana pakapita nthawi. Mulimonsemo, ndi chizindikiro choti muyenera kupitiriza."

7. Kukambitsirana za chibwenzi kaŵirikaŵiri

Pamene inu kapena mnzanuyo kulankhula za kutha, osati mu mdima nthabwala mtundu wa njira, izo zikhoza kukhala premonition. Ngati maganizo othetsa chibwenzi akhala akukuzungulirani pafupipafupi, ndiye kuti ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu kuti ubale wanu watha. Izi zimakhala zowona kwambiri ngati zomwe mumakumana nazo mukamamenyana ndikusweka. Pamene kusiya wina ndi mzake ndi mutu umene umadza pafupipafupi kuposa momwe uyenera kukhalira, mwinamwake ndi nthawi yoti muchite zimenezo.

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8. Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati chibwenzi chatha? Poyang'ana modzidzimutsa

Ngati simunathetse chibwenzi chanu ndipo mukusokonezeka, dzifunseni kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndili pachibwenzichi? Ndikanakhala bwanji popanda chibwenzichi?” Mayankho a mafunso awa angakuthandizeni kwambiri. Ngati mukuopa kuyambitsa chisudzulo, dziwani kuti kusafuna kukhala nokha si chifukwa chokwanira chokhalira ndi munthu wina. Ubale wanu ndi woipa ngati uwu ndiye maziko ake.

Mayi anga aang’ono ankakonda kunena mawu amene ndinawatsatira monga ngati mwala woyesera kuti: “Sindidzakwatiwa ndi munthu amene sindinamulole, chifukwa chakuti sindikufuna kukhala ndekha kwa maola aŵiri madzulo aliwonse.” Ngakhale kuti angamveke mozama, ndi bwino kudziwa kuti kukwatira wina chifukwa chakuti umamufuna kuti azicheza naye kwakanthawi ndikodzikonda komanso kopanda chilungamo kwa onse awiri.

9. Pamene kukoma mtima kwachoka mnyumbamo

Kukomerana mtima n’kofunika kwambiri muubwenzi. Mukasiya kukhala wachifundo, wachifundo, ndi wokoma mtima kwa wokondedwa wanu, mumangodziwa kuti ubalewo ukulowera kumwera. Mudagawana mitima yanu, matupi anu, ndi moyo wanu wina ndi mzake. Ndipo tsopano, zilankhulo zonyansa ndi machitidwe atenga malo a zolemba zachikondi. Izi zikusonyeza kuti mgwirizano uwu wasweka.

Megha akuti, "Kuchuluka kwa ulemu ndi ulemu kumadalira kukula kwa msinkhu wawo. Ngakhale mutadziwa kuti izi sizikuyenda bwino, mfundo yakuti mwagawana mbiri yambiri iyenera kukupangitsani kukhala aulemu kwambiri. Ubwenzi ukatha ndipo anthu awiri akugawana zinthu zomwe adagawana, momwe amachitira zinthu mwanzeru zimadalira kukula kwa malingaliro awo.

"N'zofala kwambiri kuti anthu azilimbana ndi vuto la kulankhulana kotheratu panthawi yoteroyo. Amayamba kukangana nthawi zonse, kutchulana mayina, ndipo mwadzidzidzi amajambula munthu winayo kuti ndi woipa m'moyo wawo.

10. Ngati muli okondwa ndipo mukudziwa, ndi chizindikiro kuti ubale wanu watha

Kudziwa kuti zatha sikungakhale kokhumudwitsa nthawi zonse. Nthawi zina maubwenzi akale, osweka, amagwetsa anthu pansi. Kudziwa kuti nonse simukunyamula katundu wotero kungakhalenso komasula. Kukhala osangalala popanda wina ndi mzake, popanda kukhumudwa, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu zomwe ubale watha. Komabe zinali zodabwitsa chotani nanga pamene icho chinatha! Sangalalani ndi kukumbukira ndikulemekeza maubwenzi, koma sangalalani ndi mwayi womwe watseguka pamaso panu.

Momwe mungasinthire kwa wokondedwa wanu kuti Chibwenzi sichikuyenda

Tsopano, popeza muli ndi umboni wosatsutsika kuti ubale wanu sukuyenda momwe mumafunira, ndi nthawi yoti mukhale ndi "nkhani". Inde, palibe amene amasangalala ndi mbali imeneyi, makamaka ngati munali paubwenzi wanthaŵi yaitali, wodzipereka, koma nali udindo umene sungaupewe. Ndipo kuti muwonetsetse kuti mukukambirana moyenera, tili ndi malangizo ofulumira:

Kodi Mungalimbane Bwanji Ngati Ubwenzi Utha?

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa zizindikiro zochenjeza za ubale womwe ukutha komanso momwe mungasinthire nkhani kwa okondedwa wanu, pali chinthu chimodzi chokha chomwe chatsala kuti tidziwe - njira yoti tithawetse ubale. Megha anati: “Anthu akamapatukana, ayenera kuganizira kaye kukambirana komaliza komaliza.” Nthawi zambiri anthu amangoonana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo mobwerezabwereza kuti atalikitse chibwenzicho.

"Chomwe ndikutanthauza ndichakuti mukamakambirana zimenezo, mumakambirana za ubalewo ndikulankhula za zabwino, zoyipa ndi zoyipa. Ndipo mumachita zimenezo mwanjira yoti musamve ngati mukukhudzidwa ndi maganizo." Komabe, zimamveka zosavuta, kuzigwiritsa ntchito ndikuthetsa chibwenzi kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Kusudzulana kumabweretsa mavuto ambiri. Ndipo kuthana nazo sikophweka nthawi zonse. Ngati mukukumana ndi mavuto kuti muvomereze kusudzulana, kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri kuchokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo kungakhale kopindulitsa kwambiri. Ngati mukufuna thandizo, dziwani kuti alangizi aluso komanso odziwa bwino ntchito omwe ali pagulu la Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.

Nazi njira zina zomwe mungapirire kutha kwa ubale wathanzi:

• Chisoni momwe mukufunira. Lirani nyanja kapena nyamukani kuntchito kwa masiku angapo, chilichonse chomwe chingakuthandizireni
• Khalani wodekha ndi inu nokha ndipo musadzimve kufooka chifukwa chogonjera ku zowawazo
• Osatalikitsa gawo lachisoni pambuyo pakutha, apo ayi, zidzakhala zovuta kubwerera ku moyo wamba
• Kudzitsekera nokha si lingaliro labwino. Kumanani ndi anzanu ndi abale anu ndikutulutsa zakukhosi kwanu
• Pang'onopang'ono tenganso moyo wanu, sitepe imodzi panthawi
• Kumbukirani kuti si mapeto a dziko

Tikukhulupirira, titha kukudziwitsani za funso, "Mumadziwa bwanji kuti ubale wanu watha?", ndi magawo omwe akubwera pambuyo pake. Ngati mukuganiza zothetsa zinthu ndi mnzanuyo, musachedwe, ndipo ingochitani. Mumadziŵa mmene mukumvera, ndipo mukhoza kuzindikira zizindikiro za ubwenzi wosweka. Chifukwa chakuti simuli ndi munthu, sizikutanthauza kuti muli nokha. M'nyanja muli nsomba zambiri!

Nkhaniyi idasindikizidwa koyamba mu 2018 ndipo idasinthidwa mu 2022.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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