Sonke sike sizwe abantu beqhubeka bekhuluma ngokuthi impilo igcwele izinhlungu nezikhathi ezinzima futhi uma ufuna injabulo, udinga ukudlula usizi. Nokho, lokho abantu abangakutsheli kona ukuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani okwedlule futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho. Izinto ezinhle zilandela okubi ngempela, kodwa uma usagxile osizini, ngeke ukwazi ukujabulela izinto ezijabulisayo. Ngakho-ke, umbuzo omkhulu ukuthi ungayeka kanjani okwedlule futhi ujabule?
Uma ungumuntu ongakwazi ukudedela okwedlule, khona-ke uyazi ukuthi ingxenye ephambene mayelana nokubambeka ukuthi uyazi ukuthi udinga ukuqhubekela phambili kodwa kubonakala sengathi awukwazi ukukwenza. Kuzwakala sengathi usesihlabathini esisheshayo lapho ungeke ukwazi ukwenza lutho futhi kufanele ulinde omunye umuntu ukuthi azokuhlenga. Hhayi-ke, silapha ukuze sikutshele ukuthi lokhu akulona iqiniso.
Kunezinto eziningi ongazenza. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuletha ushintsho kudinga ukuthi umuntu aphume esimweni sakho sokungakhathali. Ukuze sikusize wenze lokho, sikulethela amathiphu asebenzayo okuthi ungayeka kanjani okwedlule, ngokubonisana nososayensi wengqondo uRidhi Golechha (MA Psychology), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezinkinga ezifana nemishado engenaluthando kanye nokuhlukana.
Kungani Ngingakwazi Ukuyeka Okwedlule?
Okuqukethwe
Ngaphambi kokuba siqale ukuphendula umbuzo wokuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani okwedlule bese uqhubeka nempilo yakho, kubalulekile ukuqonda imbangela yenkinga. Ake siqale siqonde ukuthi kungani abantu bengenakukwazi ukuyeka okwedlule – kungaba ukuhlukana okubi , isehlukaniso, noma ngisho nengozi? Kuyini ngalezi zinhlobo zokuhlangenwe nakho ezithinta ingqondo yomuntu? Kungani lezi ziyizo ezihlala kuyilapho ezinye ziphela?
1. Ukunamathela ngokomzwelo
Okuhlangenwe nakho okujulile okungokomzwelo kudala izinkumbulo ezinamandla ngokufanayo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho leyo nkumbulo ethile iqala, ungathola imizwa efanayo naleyo owazizwa lapho leso sigameko senzeka ngempela. Le mizwa igcina inkumbulo iyintsha. Kungumjikelezo ononya.
Nasi isibonelo, sishayela phansi emigwaqweni eminingi kakhulu nsuku zonke ngaphandle kokuzizwa sikhathazekile noma sixhumene nayo. Kodwa lapho uthola ingozi, khona-ke lowo mgwaqo ojwayelekile uba nzima ukudlula kuwo. Iba yisikhumbuzo esiqhubekayo somcimbi futhi ilokhu ibangela bonke ubuhlungu nokwesaba okwakuxhunywe kulokho okwenzekayo.
Kokubili izinkumbulo ezinhle nezimbi ngokomzwelo zingakwenza uzizwe uqandisiwe esikhathini esidlule. Okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle kwesikhathi esidlule kungakwenza uzizwe kabi ngesikhathi sakho samanje. Isibonelo esivamile salokhu "inkinga yesikhathi esiphakathi" abantu abaneminyaka ephakathi kuka-50 no-60 abadlula kuyo. Babhajwa ezikhathini ezinhle zesikhathi sabo esidlule futhi bazama konke abangakwenza ukuze baphinde baphile ngaso.
Ukuzama ukubukeka “umncane” okusha ngokuphelele, ukwenza izinto abazenza ebusheni babo, noma ukuthenga imoto yezemidlalo kanokusho kuyizibonelo ezimbalwa nje. Bazama ukujabula kodwa ngokwenza lokho basuke bephambana neqiniso labo elihlala ligcina liyinhlekelele. Ngakho-ke, uma uke wazibuza ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani okudlule nokuthi kungani kunzima kangaka ukwenza kanjalo, impendulo ingase ifihlwe emizweni ehambisana nesikhathi sakho esidlule.
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2. I-Nostalgia yesikhathi esidlule
Uyazi ukuthi ingoma ecasulayo enamathela ekhanda lakho futhi ngeke ihambe, i-loop yokucabanga yinto efanayo kodwa esikhundleni sengoma, unenkumbulo ehlala ekhanda lakho. Ngemva kokuhlukana, ngokuvamile kuba nesigaba lapho ukhumbula khona zonke izenzo zothando nazo zonke izinsuku ezimangalisayo owake waba nazo nowayethandana naye.
I-nostalgia yesikhathi esidlule inendlela yokwenza izinkumbulo ezimhlophe ezimele amaphutha esiwenzile njengephutha ekwahluleleni noma isinqumo esibi. Ngandlela-thile, ubuhlungu nobuhlungu bokuzizwisa buyancipha, futhi sigxila kuphela ezinkumbulo ezijabulisayo, nezinempilo. Badlala ku-loop njengerekhodi eliphukile elenza ukuphendula ukuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani okwedlule futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho ibe nzima kakhulu.
Lokhu ngokwengxenye kubangelwa umuzwa wethu wemvelo wokusinda. Sizama ukugwema izinto ezingasibangela ubuhlungu. Kodwa-ke, siphinde sixhumeke ukuze sifunde emaphutheni ethu. Ngokudabukisayo, lokhu kudinga ukuthi sikhumbule zonke izehlakalo zethu ezimbi, yiyona ndlela kuphela esingahlaziya ngayo futhi sifunde kuzo.
Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.
3. Ukuchezuka ohlelweni
Isikhathi esiningi, izinkumbulo ezigxilwe ezingqondweni zethu zivame ukuba zimbi, ezesabekayo. Njengokuxhashazwa esikoleni, ukuthethiswa abazali bakho, noma ukulahleka ezitolo. Lezi zenzakalo ezimbi zishiya uphawu lwazo ngoba ziqinile ukugoqa ikhanda lakho nxazonke. Abayona neze ingxenye yohlelo lwethu.
URidhi uthi, “Abantu bagxila esikhathini esidlule ngoba bazizwa sengathi sebevele babhale phansi ekhanda labo ngokuthi impilo yabo kufanele ibukeke kanjani. Abantu bathanda ukulawula nokuqiniseka. Lapho belahlekelwa yilokho, balwa nokulungisa umbono wabo wokuthi “bekufanele ngabe kunjani” futhi abakwazi ukuyeka leyo ngxoxo elawulwayo yangaphakathi. Abakwazi ukwamukela ushintsho.”
4. Amahloni
Uyakhumbula ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi esikoleni lapho nihleli ekilasini nilindele nje ukuba kukhale insimbi lapho kungazelelwe uthisha ekubizela ukuba niphendule umbuzo. Uvele ucine umile uyangingiza ngesikhathi ikilasi lakho lonke likugqolozele kwaze kwathi ekugcineni uthisha wakho wavele wancama wathi hlala.
Yize bekuyimizuzu embalwa kungenzeka kube sengathi ingunaphakade. Njengoba kwenzeka udadewethu omncane, uHaley, wabhekana nalokhu ekuqaleni kwebanga lesibili. Kusukela lapho, uyesaba ukukhuluma phambi kwesixuku.
Noma isiphi isigameko lapho ube namahloni khona siwukuhlangenwe nakho okushintsha lokho oyikho. Njengengane, into efana nalena eyenzeka kudadewethu iyaphoxa kodwa njengoba ukhula zonke izinqumo noma umbono owodwa unamandla okuba ihlazo. Ngisho nento elula njengokubuka amafilimu othando anoshizi iphenduka into oyifihlela abanye. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi njengoba sikhula "i-superego" yethu ikhula isiholela ekunakekeleni kakhulu ukuthi sihlangana kanjani, njengomuntu, kwabanye abantu.
Manje cabanga ukuthi uma ngempela wenze iphutha empilweni yakho - njengokuthi mhlawumbe uphumelele ukuthola umsebenzi obungase uguqule impilo yakho noma ukhethe ukujola nomuntu ogcine engumuntu ongemuhle kangako - izinqumo ezinjalo zingakwenza ubuze impilo yakho yonke kuze kufike ohlotsheni lwezinhlamvu othanda ukukudla. Akulula neze ukudedela amaphutha esikhathi esidlule futhi amahloni akwenza uzizwe kuyisizathu esikhulu salokhu.
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Ungakuyeka Kanjani Okwedlule - 8 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe
Njengoba sesizwile, ukubambeka esikhathini esedlule kunzima kakhulu. Njengamanje kungenzeka ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi kungani futhi kungani ulungiselwe ingxenye ethile yesikhathi sakho esidlule. Ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuphulukisa udinga ukukhumbula ukuthi ukukuvuma lokhu akukwenzi ube buthaka. Ungazibeki phansi ngemibono enjalo engemihle.
Konke ukwamukela kwakho kufakazela ukuthi ungaba umuntu ocophelelayo, othanda ukuphelela, osindile, ozwelayo, futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke umuntu ohlakaniphile ongafuni ukuphinda amaphutha esikhathi esidlule. Ngakho-ke, umbuzo omkhulu manje uwukuthi: indlela yokukhohlwa okwedlule futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho? Indlela yokuyeka futhi ujabule futhi? Nazi izivivinyo ezingu-8 zokuyeka okwedlule, njengoba kunconywe uchwepheshe wethu:
1. Yekela ingqondo yomuntu oyisisulu
Ungakhohlwa kanjani okwedlule bese uqhubeka nempilo yakho? Abantu abaningi abanenkinga yalo mbuzo bake babhekana nezimo ezibuhlungu esikhathini esidlule. Bakhathele umthwalo wemizwa futhi bafuna ukuqhubeka nempilo yabo kodwa abazi ukuthi bangakwenza kanjani. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi bazibona njengezisulu zezimo ezimbi. Umqondo wabo oyinhloko ukuthi impilo ibaphathe kabi futhi akukho abangakwenza ngakho.
Ukuyeka le nqubo yokucabanga kuyisinyathelo sakho sokuqala sokululama. Ngakho, kukhona okubi okwenzeka kuwe esikhathini esidlule, usamile, akunjalo? Ulapha okusho ukuthi wenze okuthile esikhathini esidlule. Lokho kukwenza osindile. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokusingatha usizi iwukuba uqine.
Esikhundleni sokucabanga ngokuhlukumezeka, cabanga ukuthi bekuyoba kubi kangakanani ukube awuzange wenze noma yini owayenza ngaleso sikhathi. Awusona isisulu esibuthakathaka esivumela izinto zenzeke kubo kunalokho uyisilwi esivimba ukuthi izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Ziqhenye ngokudlule kwakho; kukwenze ukuthi ungubani namuhla.
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2. Nweba ukuqonda kwakho ngawe
Impendulo yokuthi ungakuyeka kanjani okwedlule futhi ujabule ilele ekuziqondeni wena. Ukuba ngumuntu ongakwazi ukudedela okwedlule, kungenzeka ukuthi ujwayele ukuba lukhuni kuwe. Ulindele lukhulu kuwena yingakho uzizwa unecala ngokwenza amaphutha.
URidhi uthi, “Abantu kudingeka bazitshele ukuthi ngesikhathi benza iphutha noma yiluphi ulwazi nezinsiza ababenazo yikho kuphela ababengakusebenzisa ukuze benze isinqumo esifanele. Namuhla, uma ubheka emuva wazi okwengeziwe, uba nolwazi olwengeziwe, futhi kuphela lapho ubheka emuva ungathola amaphutha. Kudingeka uzenzele wena kalula futhi uqonde ukuthi wenze konke okusemandleni akho phakathi kwemingcele owawubekwe yona.”
Zibonise uzwela nokuzithanda . Phela, uyazi ukuthi isikhathi esidlule sasingelula futhi wawusemncane. Yandisa umbono wakho ngokuhlaziya bese ubona isithombe esikhulu. Esikhundleni sokuhlaziya izenzo zakho, cabanga ngezenzo zabanye kanye nezimo uma ubheka emuva.
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3. Phila okwamanje
Isikhathi esidlule singaba mnandi kakhulu ngezinye izikhathi, njengokukhala kwe-siren. Isikhathi samanje sinzima kakhulu ngoba njengoba ukhula, impilo iba yinto engalindelekile futhi enonya. Kulezi zikhathi, izinkumbulo zezikhathi ezijabulisayo zingaba impumuzo eyamukelekayo. Ubuhlobo obuphelele , izinsuku zodumo, noma ngisho nezinkumbulo zomuntu omthandayo oshonile zingazizwa zingcono kunempilo oyiphilayo manje. Lokhu kwenza ukuthola impendulo yokuthi ungayeka kanjani isikhathi esidlule futhi ujabule kube nzima kakhulu ngoba awufuni ukuyeka isikhathi esidlule okwamanje.
Lokhu ukuphunyuka. Esikhundleni sokubhekana neqiniso lakho njengoba linjalo, ukhetha ukulibalekela futhi ucashe ngemuva kwezikhathi zenjabulo ezidlulayo esikhathini esidlule. Ngakho-ke ungakhohlwa kanjani okwedlule futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho? Okufanele ukwenze ukwenza imanje sakho sibe ngcono ngokushintsha indlela yakho yokuphila. Ukuhlela kabusha iphrezentheshini yakho lapho uzobhekana khona nezinto eziningi eziguquguqukayo ezingaziwa kunzima. Ngeke wazi ukuthi yini ezokonakala futhi nini, futhi lokho kuyethusa. Kodwa ukuyibalekela akusona isixazululo.
4. Funda kokwedlule
Okuhlangenwe nakho okubi kunezingqimba ezimbili zesiliva kuphela: eyodwa ingaba indaba enhle ukutshela esikhathini esizayo, kanti ezimbili, ingahlaziywa ukuze into efana nayo ingavinjelwa esikhathini esizayo.
Njengoba sike saxoxa ngaphambili, ukufunda emaphutheni ethu esikhathi esidlule yindlela esadalwa ngayo. Kungenzeka, isizathu sokuthi ungakwazi ukushiya okwedlule ukuthi kukhona okusele okumele ufunde kukho. Ngakho-ke, uma ubuza umbuzo wokuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani okwedlule futhi uqhubeke nempilo yakho, khona-ke impendulo ingase ibe ukusebenzisa okwedlule ukuze uguqule inguqulo engcono yokuthi ubungubani.
U-Ridhi uyatusa, “Funda amakhono amasha njalo ukuze ufunde emaphutheni esikhathi esidlule. Ngokwesibonelo, uma wenze isinqumo esibi kakhulu somsebenzi esikhathini esidlule, khona-ke zibuze ukuthi ufuna ikusasa lakho libe njani? Impendulo ngokusobala iyoba ukuthi ufuna ukuqondisa ukuphila kwakho kolunye uhlangothi.
“Khona-ke ngokuhlanganisa amakhono obungenawo esikhathini esidlule kubuntu bakho bamanje kuzokusiza ukuthi wenze ikusasa lakho lihluke kweyakho edlule.” Qhubeka uthuthukisa amakhono akho futhi uzenze ngcono kunayizolo.
5. Ukuzindla nokubona ngeso lengqondo
Uma ulwa nendlela yokudedela amaphutha esikhathi esidlule, udinga ukugxila ekunqobeni amaphutha owenzile futhi uyeke ukuzigxeka ngemiphumela. Kunethuba lokuthi ugxile emizweni efana nentukuthelo, ukuphoxeka, inzondo, nokuzisola okuvele ngenxa yezenzo zakho.
Lokhu kungaboni kahle yikona okuholela ekuvuselelweni kwesikhathi esidlule futhi udinga ukuthola indlela yokuyeka intukuthelo yezenzo zakho (noma zomunye umuntu). URidhi uthi, “Into embi kakhulu abantu abayenzayo ukuthi bayazisola futhi yilokho okungabavumeli ukuba benze ukuthula ngamaphutha abo.”
“Umkhuba wansuku zonke wokuzindla, lapho ubona ngeso lengqondo amaphutha owenzile, wabheke ngombono womuntu obukele bese uwavumela ukuba ashise njengokungathi ucezu lwephepha lungakhulula ezimweni ezinjalo.” Ngale ndlela ungakwazi ukwamukela isipiliyoni futhi uqhubeke empilweni yakho.
6. Yizwe futhi ukhohlwe
Thina, bantu, siyakwazi ukulinganisa. Uma sibhekene nesimo esinzima, sivame ukuncika ekucabangeni ukuze sisiqonde kangcono isimo futhi sibeke eceleni imizwa. Le mizwa ihlala kuze kube yilapho ivuma. Kungaba ukudabuka, intukuthelo, ukuphelelwa ithemba, noma ngisho nokwesaba, imizwa yakho idinga ukuzwakala.
I-logic ingakusiza ukuthi uqonde futhi uthethelele imizwa yakho kodwa ngeke ikwenze iphele. Lesi ngesinye sezizathu ezenza ukuthi isikhathi sakho esidlule sikuhluphe, imizwa yakho ingakafinyeleli esiphethweni . Zizwe imizwa evelela phezulu uma ucabanga ngesikhathi esidlule. Uma uthukuthele, sebenzisa izindlela ezahlukene zokuqeda umsindo njenge:
- Ukusebenzisa
- Ibhokisi
- Dancing
- Ememeza emcamelweni
- Ukukhala
Ukukhala kusebenzela ukudabuka nokwesaba nakho. Ungakwazi futhi ukugcina ijenali lapho ungabhala khona imizwa yakho. Indlela oyisebenzisayo ingahluka, kuye ngokuthanda kwakho, kodwa ukukhipha le mizwa ekhathazayo ohlelweni lwakho kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sokuthi ungayeka kanjani okwedlule.
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7. Buyisela
Ukuthola umbono oqondile uma uphakathi nendawo yesimo kunzima. Ngenxa yokuthi uphakathi nendawo, awukwazi ngokuqinisekile ukuthi yini okudingeka yenziwe. Ngezinye izikhathi uzithela ngezixazululo eziningi kangangokuthi ayikho indlela yokukhetha eyodwa. Ngezinye izikhathi ungase wazi inketho efanele kodwa ngeke ube nesibindi sokuyisebenzisa. Noma ngabe yikuphi, ubhajwe ephutheni lakho langaphambilini elenza kube nzima ukuqhubeka nalo.
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuthola umbono esimweni esifana nalesi iwukusiza omunye umuntu obhekene nento efanayo. Uma usiza umuntu ngokumeluleka, uzisiza ngokungaqondile ukuthi uthole umbono ngenkinga yakho. Ngisho noma ungakwazi ukuxazulula okwakho okwedlule, ukuxazulula ezabo kuzokusiza ukuthi uvaleleke.
8. Thola usizo
Ngemva kokufunda zonke lezi zivivinyo ukuze udedele okwedlule uma ungasakwazi ukuqhubeka empilweni yakho, khona-ke ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kungase kube inketho elungile kuwe. Iminyaka yengcindezelo ingenza ukucabanga ngesikhathi esedlule kube buhlungu kakhulu ikakhulukazi esimweni esidlule esihlukumezayo.
Ukuba nendawo ephephile lapho ungaxoxa khona ngenkinga yakho kuyazuzisa kakhulu. Ungafuna isazi sezokwelapha iBonobology noma uchwepheshe wezokwelapha onelayisensi ongakusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono isikhathi sakho esidlule.
Ngokuqeqeshwa kwabo, bazokwazi ukukuholela endleleni efanele yokuthi ungadedela kanjani futhi ujabule futhi. Khumbula ukuthi usesweni lesiphepho futhi uma ukuphuma kudinga usizo, akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokho.
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Ngakho-ke, unamathiphu angu-8 okuthi ungayeka kanjani okwedlule futhi ujabule kuchwepheshe emkhakheni. Uma kunguwe obambekile, zama ukukucabangela lokhu, futhi uma uzama ukusiza umngane, mkhuthaze ukuba enze okufanayo. Khumbula ukuthi ususithathile isinyathelo sokuqala esikhulu sokuqhubekela phambili, okuwukuvuma ukuthi usabambekile.
Isinyathelo esikhulu sesibili siwukufuna ngempela ukuqhubeka nokwedlule. Ukwamukela okwenzekile njengengxenye yalokho oyikho kuzokusiza ukuthi uqhubeke. Sithemba ukuthi lokhu kuzokusiza. Ngikufisela okuhle!
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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
