Akuyona imfihlo ukuthi sonke siqamba amanga ebudlelwaneni bethu. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi amazwi athi “ubukeka umuhle” ngemva kokuthi umlingani wakho egunda izinwele entsha noma emtshela ukuthi usebenze ngemuva kwesikhathi lapho, eqinisweni, wema ukuze uthole obhiya abambalwa nosebenza nabo, lawa manga amancane amhlophe agcwele yonke indawo. Khona-ke, kukhona ezinkulu ezingase nishaye up ubuhlobo noma bakushiye ngokulangazela ngifuna impendulo kanjani ukuze uthole ukwethembana emuva ebuhlotsheni ngemva amanga.
Uma kuyilokho obhekene nakho, uyazi ukuthi uhlobo lwe-toll broke trust luthatha isibopho sabashadile. Umlingani wakho uzama ukukholelwa noma yini oyishoyo futhi iphutha lakho lihlala lisebenza njengesikhumbuzo sokuhluleka kwakho. Zonke izitatimende ngokuzumayo ziphenduka inkulumo-mpikiswano. "Ngabe ngempela uhamba nabafana nje?" “Ungumngane nje, akunjalo?” Izinsolo kanye nezinsolo kungashiya ubudlelwano bakho eqhweni elincane.
Kungakho ukuthola indlela yokulungisa ukwethembana ngemva kokuqamba amanga kubalulekile. Ukuthethelela kungase kuthathe esako isikhathi esimnandi ukufika endleleni yakho. Uma umazisa ngempela umlingani wakho nobudlelwano, indlela ende yokubuyisela ukwethenjwa kwabo izobaluleka. Ake sibheke ukuthi ungavuselela kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokuqamba amanga, ukuze ungagcini ufana nomfana owakhala impisi. Kodwa okokuqala, ake sihlole umthelela wokuqamba amanga ebuhlotsheni.
Umthelela Wokuqamba Amanga Ebudlelwaneni
Okuqukethwe
Ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kuzwakala njengengubo efudumele ngosuku olubandayo. Wonke amanga—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi mancane kangakanani—avula imbobo kulengubo ekwenza uzizwe ukhululekile futhi uphephile, futhi njengoba la manga eqhubeka, kusala izingcezu zengubo kuphela, ezikushiya uzizwa udaluliwe, ungavikelekile, futhi usongelwa inhlalakahle yakho.
Ungase ufihle okuthile okubalulekile kumlingani wakho ngoba wesaba ukuthi ukusabela kwakhe ngeke kuthandeke, futhi uzitshele, “Ngenza lokhu ukuze ngibavikele”. Noma ungase ungafuni ukungena kukho nophathina wakho ngemva kosuku olude futhi ungase uphume engxabanweni engase ibe khona, ucabange, “Ngisindisile kusihlwa, ngisenzele umusa sobabili.” Inkinga ukuthi noma ngabe ucabangani ngakho, ukungathembeki kunendlela yokukufica ngoba amanga akhula njengokhula, aminyanisa ukwethenjwa nokusondelana okusebenze kanzima ukukwakha. Nansi indlela:
1. Amanga ahlakazeka esisekelweni sokwethembana
Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sobudlelwano obuhle . Uma kungekho, ngisho nokuxhumana okuqine kakhulu kungabhidlika. Uma uqamba amanga, izinkinga zokuthembana ziqala ukungena ebuhlotsheni bakho futhi umlingani wakho angase aqale ukungabaza hhayi amanga kuphela kodwa nakho konke okunye owake wakukhuluma. Isibonelo, uma uqamba amanga ngokuthi ubukuphi ngolunye usuku kusihlwa, ngoba nje ungafuni ukungena empikiswaneni ngokufuna ukuchitha isikhathi nabangani bakho esikhundleni sokuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho, bese umlingani wakho ethola, angase azibuze, “Uma beqambe amanga ngalokhu, yini enye abangangitsheli yona?” Lokhu kungabaza kunganda, kubashiye beqagela konke.
“Ukuqamba amanga kudala ukungazethembi kumuntu othandana naye ngoba kukhombisa ukuthi kukhona abafihlelwa kona.Uma sekuqubuka izinsolo, kuba nzima ukulondoloza ukuphepha ngokomzwelo.”
—UDkt. UPaul Hokemeyer, umelaphi womndeni, uyachaza,
2. Amanga amancane angaba yizinkinga ezinkulu
“ Amanga amhlophe ” lapha, ifib lapho—kungase kungabonakali konke kungenangozi ekuqaleni. Kodwa amanga avame ukuba nomphumela we-domino. Ukuze umboze amanga athile, ungase udinge amanye, kanye namanye. Ngaphambi kokuthi uqaphele, usuluke inethiwekhi yokukhohlisa okunzima ukuyixazulula.
Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngoJenna no-Aron. U-Aron wamqambela amanga mayelana nokusebenzisa ngokweqile izibalo zamaqhawe amakhulu futhi wathatha imali ukuze azikhokhele esikhwameni samaholide ababefaka kuso ngokuhlanganyela, ecabanga ukuthi kwakungeyona into enkulu. Kodwa lapho uJenna ezwa ngemva kwezinyanga ezithile, konke u-Aron ayekulindele, uJenna wahamba wayohlala nodadewabo futhi wamvimba amasonto amaningi. Ukusabela kwakhe kwakungeyona nje imali kuphela—kwakumayelana nokuzizwa ekhishwe inyumbazane futhi edukisiwe.
3. Ibanga elingokomzwelo liyakhula
Uma uqamba amanga kumlingani wakho, ibanga elincane liyangena, noma ngabe abakutholi ngokushesha. Ungase uzizwe unecala, ugweme ukuxhumana emehlweni, noma ungakhulumi kakhulu ezingxoxweni. Leli gebe elingokomzwelo lingaholela emizweni yokuba nesizungu noma ukungaxhumani ebudlelwaneni , okunihlukanisa nobabili. UDkt. Harriet Lerner, umbhali wencwadi ethi The Dance of Intimacy , uyachaza, “Ukuqamba amanga kuqeda ukusondelana okugcina ubuhlobo buhlangene. Ukuvuleleka nokwethembeka yikona okuvumela imibhangqwana ukuba izizwe ibonwa futhi ithandwa ngempela ngalokho eyikho.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ibanga Elingokomzwelo: Incazelo, Izimbangela, Izimpawu, Nezindlela Zokulungisa
4. Ukuqamba amanga kuthunaza ukuxhumana
Kungani ubudlelwano bubhidlika ngenxa yobunzima bamanga? Ngoba uma unezinto ongazifihla kumlingani wakho, awusakwazi ukuvuleleka futhi ube sengozini kubo. Ngenxa yalokho, ukungezwani kuyakhula, inzondo yakheka ebudlelwaneni , futhi uzizwa sengathi awukwazi ukukhuluma ngaphandle kokuthi kube yingxabano.
Ithi, uqambe amanga kumlingani wakho ngokuthile okukhulu—izimali, ibhulashi lokungathembeki, izinkinga zomsebenzi, noma okunye okunjalo—futhi manje umcabango othi “kuthiwani uma ethola ukuthi” uyakudla. Umlingani wakho uyabona ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle futhi lapho ekubuza ngakho, awunayo enye indlela ngaphandle kokuthi, “Akulutho” noma “Ngiyaphila”. Basala beqagela, futhi kungenzeka, becabanga izimo ezimbi kakhulu emakhanda abo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuntuleka kokubeka izinto obala kungaholela ekukhungathekeni nezingxabano.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-11 Ezenzeka Ebudlelwaneni Ngaphandle Kokwethembana
Izinhlobo Ezi-5 Zamanga Ezingabangela Izinkinga Zokuthembana Ebudlelwaneni
Njengoba ubona, ukuqamba amanga ebudlelwaneni kuhumusha ukuthembana okuphukile, izibopho ezibuthakathaka, kanye nokungaqiniseki ngekusasa. Kodwa ingabe wonke amanga ayawuthinta ubudlelwano bakho ngendlela efanayo? Ingabe ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi uyawuthanda ushokoledi abawenza kusukela ekuqaleni yize ungazange ube mubi njengokuqamba amanga ngokumkhohlisa noma ukufihla okwedlule kuye? Kusobala ukuthi akunjalo. Amanga amakhulu ahlukene athinta ubudlelwano ngezindlela ezahlukene. Ake sibheke izinhlobo ezi-5 zamanga ezivame ukuholela ezinkingeni zokuthembana ebudlelwaneni:
1. Amanga amhlophe
Masibhekane nakho, sonke sitshela ozakwethu amanga amancane amhlophe ngezikhathi ezithile. Kusukela bethi ubuyithanda ingubo entsha abayithengile ube ungashongo ukuthi ujabulela ukuchitha isikhathi nomama wabo ube uhluleka ukumelana nowesifazane. Nakuba ukuqamba amanga ukuze uvikele imizwa yomlingani akuyona into engavamile noma eyingozi ngempela, lapho izinga lamanga liqala ukudlula ukwethembeka nokungafihli lutho, kungaqeda ubuqiniso ebudlelwaneni benu.
Inkinga ngamanga amhlophe ukuthi ungase ube nomkhuba wokujwayela ukubalekela izimo ezingakhululekile, futhi yilapho izinto ziba nzima. UDkt. Bella DePaulo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esihlola ukuqamba amanga, uyachaza, “Ngisho namanga amancane angakha umkhuba wokungathembeki.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zokungathembeki Ebudlelwaneni
2. Amanga okweqiwa
Lokhu akuwona amanga aqondile kodwa kunezinto okhetha ukungazabelani ngazo. Isibonelo, ukungatsheli umlingani wakho ukuthi uhlangane nowayengumlingani wakho ngesikhathi sasemini noma ukungasho ukuthi ihora lokujabula emsebenzini. Nakuba ungase uzithethelele ngokuthi “akubalulekile,” umlingani wakho angase akubone njengokukhaphela lapho ethola. Amanga okushiya eceleni afana nokufihla ebudlelwaneni, okuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kudale ibanga elingokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani.
3. Ihaba
Ngezinye izikhathi, ungase welule iqiniso ukuze uzenze ubukeke kangcono—njengokusho ukuthi uzuze okuthile ongazange ukwenze noma ukhiphe amaphutha omlingani wakho ngokulingana nokubalekela isibopho ngezenzo zakho. Lokhu kungase kukhulise ukuzazisa kwakho okwesikhashana, kodwa lapho umlingani wakho ethola iqiniso, kungase kumenze angabaze ubuqotho bakho.
4. Amanga ezezimali
Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezimbi kakhulu ezishiya abantu bezibuza ukuthi bangakwakha kanjani kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga. Akuyona imfihlo ukuthi imali ingaba umthombo omkhulu wokungqubuzana ebudlelwaneni. Uma uqala ukuqamba amanga ngezimali—ukufihla izikweletu, ukuthenga ngasese, noma ukuqamba amanga ngokuthi uthola malini—ukuze ugweme le ngxabano, kufana nokungathembeki ngokwezimali futhi kudala ukungathembani.
“Izimfihlo zemali zivame ukusho ukuntula ukwethembana nokuvuleleka ebuhlotsheni.”
—UDkt. Terri Orbuch, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
5. Ukungathembeki
Ngaphezu kothando, ukwethembana, kanye nenhlonipho, ukwethembeka kungenye yezinto eziyisisekelo ezilindelwe ebudlelwaneni - okungenani, ebuhlotsheni obuzinikele, bomuntu oyedwa. Uma uphuma emingceleni yokwethembeka bese wenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuze ufihle imikhondo yakho, uhlasela sonke isisekelo lapho ubuhlobo bakho busekelwe khona. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo ezahlukene zokungathembeki, lokhu kuyisihluku kakhulu futhi kunzima kakhulu ukululama kukho.
Yingakho abantu ngokuvamile bekuthola kunzima ukuthola ukuthi bangathola kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga nokukopela, njengoba bethola ukuthi bazame noma bangazama kangakanani, abakwazi ukwenza umlingani wabo abakholelwe noma azizwe evikelekile eduze kwabo futhi.
Ungakuthola Kanjani Ukuthembela Ebudlelwaneni Ngemva Kokuqamba Amanga - Izinto Eziyi-11 Okufanele Uzenze
Izinga lamanga alinandaba ngempela. Okubalulekile ukuthi uqambe amanga kwasekuqaleni. Kungaba ukukopela noma amanga ukumboza amathrekhi akho, ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho kubonakala esimweni ngasinye. Noma ngabe ungumqambimanga we-pathological noma uqambe amanga kanye kuphela, inqubo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebuhlotsheni ihlala injalo.
Kodwa-ke, uma ububukele uhlelo oluthandwa ngumlingani wakho ngaphandle kwabo noma udle isangweji abebezoligcinela kamuva, besingeke sikubize lokho njengokungathembeki ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho. Kungase kuzwakale sengathi kunjalo, kodwa akuyona into yokubukelwa kabusha noma enye isangweji engenakulungiseka. Akudingeki ulahlekelwe ubuthongo ngokuthi ungalungisa kanjani ubudlelwano ngemva kokuba ukwethembana sekuphelile okwamanje.
Nokho, lapho embulwa amanga angathi sína mayelana nokungathembeki, noma yimuphi umbono wokwethembana ebudlelwaneni uphuma ngefasitela. Ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, imoto yakho manje ine-tracker ye-GPS enamathiselwe kuyo futhi imilayezo yakho iyagadwa. Akekho umuntu ofuna ukuba sebudlelwaneni ne-FBI, yingakho ukuthola ukuthi ungathola kanjani ukwethemba ebudlelwaneni kuba yinto ehamba phambili ngemuva kokuthi uhlaselwe yisiyaluyalu sokusola.
Ngisho noma ungase ufune lutho ngaphandle kokucindezela inkinobho yokusetha kabusha futhi ubuyele endleleni izinto ebeziyiyo, azikho izilungiso ezisheshayo zokuthi ungathola kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga. Ukulungisa ubuhlobo ngemva kokuqamba amanga kuzodinga ukuzibophezela nokubekezela. Ukukusiza njengoba uqhubeka, ake sihlole imisebenzi yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni khona manje:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukusinda Endabeni - Izinyathelo Eziyi-12 Zokubuyisela Uthando Nokwethembana Emshadweni
1. Okokuqala, yeka ukuqamba amanga
Akusho ukuthi ukulungisa ubuhlobo ngemva kokuqamba amanga, udinga ukuyeka amanga ngokushesha. Futhi ngokushesha, sisho izolo. Awukwazi ukubuza ukuthi ukulungisa kanjani ukwethembana ngemva kokuqamba amanga uhlezi phezu kwenqwaba yamanga angaqhuma ebusweni bakho noma yimuphi umzuzu.
Kusukela manje kuya phambili, qiniseka ukuthi awenzi lutho ngisho lugubuzelwe ukude nokungaqondakali okushiya umlingani wakho ekhathazekile ngezinhloso zakho. Ukuqamba amanga ngemva kokubanjwa kufana nokucabanga ukuthi ukudla ushukela kuzolungisa isifo sikashukela. Uzenzela izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu, futhi ngaphambi kokuthi wazi ukuthi uzobe udla leyo dessert-kwa-ababili uwedwa. Uma ungafuni ukuhlala nesililo esithi “Ngaqamba amanga ngamosha ubudlelwano bami” impilo yakho yonke, zijwayeze ukuphumela obala kumlingani wakho.
Bazise ukuthi wenzani nokuthi uzokwenzani kamuva. Uma ufuna isikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni , chazela umlingani wakho ukuthi uzokwenzani nokuthi kungani. Uma uthola ukuthi ungakubuyisela kanjani ukwethenjwa ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga noma ukukopela, ukuyeka okubangele inkinga kwasekuqaleni yisinyathelo esikhulu okudingeka usithathe.
2. Cabanga ngokuthi kungani uqambe amanga kwasekuqaleni
Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani uqambe amanga akukwazi nje ukukusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi ungaphinde wenze kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga kodwa futhi kukuvimbele ukuthi ungaphinde uwele emgodini ofanayo onogwaja. Ingabe kwakuwukwesaba ukwahlulela? Ukugwema ukungqubuzana? Amahloni? Thembeka kuwe ngokwakho mayelana nezizathu eziyimbangela, njengoba lokhu kuqaphela kungakusiza ubhekane nalezo zimbangela futhi ukhule.
Kungasiza futhi ukukhuluma ngalezi zizathu kumlingani wakho, kodwa ngaphandle kokusola noma ukumbeka icala. Umqondo lapha uwukuba sengozini mayelana nokungabaza kwakho, ukwesaba, nokungazethembi okungenzeka kukuphushele ukuba uqambe amanga, ubavumele bakuzwele, futhi ungenzi kube sengathi ukuqamba amanga kubo kwakuyiphutha labo ngandlela thize.
3. Cela intethelelo, ngobuqotho
“Kulungile, Nkulunkulu! Ngiyaxolisa. Yehlisa umoya, akuyona into enkulu,” yinto okufanele uyisho uma ufuna ukuxoshwa ebudlelwaneni bakho ngokushesha kunokuba u-Usain Bolt afinyelele umugqa wokugcina. Kodwa ngokuqinisekile akuyona indlela okufanele uhambe ngayo uma uzibuza ukuthi ungakha kanjani kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga. Ngenxa yalokho, udinga ukuxolisa ngobuqotho kumlingani wakho , futhi umlingani wakho kufanele akwazi ukubona ukuthi kuvela enhliziyweni.
Cha, izimbali ezincane ngeke zenze. Thola ezinkulu. Eqinisweni, phuma futhi umboze igumbi lonke lokuphumula ezimbali zakhe azithandayo. Thatha ibhokisi likashokoledi, bhala inothi elisuka enhliziyweni, futhi ubaphekele ukudla, amayadi ayisishiyagalolunye wonke. Awuphumi kalula kulokhu, ungase uhambe ibanga elide uma ubonisa umuntu ukuthi uyamthanda ngemva kokumhlukumeza.
Ungamthukutheli umlingani wakho, ungakhafuli amaqiniso angaphelele, gcina konke okwenzile naqamba amanga ngakho, futhi uhloniphe imizwa yomlingani wakho. Xolisa njengoba uqonde ukuthi usho into ethi “Ngaqamba amanga, ngakwephula ukuthembana kwakho futhi ngiyaxolisa ngalokho. Ngeke ngiphinde ngenze into efana nalena. Nginike ithuba lokuvuselela ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni bethu.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini Ukuthethelela Ebudlelwaneni Futhi Kungani Kubalulekile
4. Zijwayeze ukubonisa izinto obala
Ungakuthola kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokuqamba amanga, uyazibuza? Ukuba yincwadi evulekele umlingani wakho yindawo enhle yokuqala. Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kumayelana nendlela ongaba sobala ngayo. Uma ungcole futhi uqeda ukwethemba kwabo, bavulele isifuba ubatshele ukuthi kungani wenze lokho, ngisho noma kunzima kuwe ukwamukela ukuthi kungani wakwenza kwasekuqaleni.
Uma ukwenze ngenxa yalokho, batshele. Uma ukwenze ngoba uzama ukuziphindiselela ngokuthile, batshele, kodwa cabanga ngempilo yobuhlobo bakho ngenkathi usesebunzimeni. Ubuhlobo akufanele bube umdlalo we-chess. Kodwa-ke, khumbula ukuveza izizathu zakho noma uhlangothi lwendaba ngaphandle kokwenza kuzwakale sengathi usola umlingani wakho noma unikeza izizathu zezenzo zakho. Gwema ithoni yokusola noma ukushintshashintsha icala.
Kulolu hlelo, uzobe ufinyelela ekugcineni ekuhloleni imicabango nemizwa yakho. Yini eyakwenza wakwenza lokhu okwenzile? Uqambe amanga ngani? Imibuzo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni inganisiza nobabili ukuthi niqonde ukuthi kungani kwenzeka kwasekuqaleni. Esikhundleni sokunqanda izimpawu, gxila ekuqedeni isidingo sokuqamba amanga ezimpandeni.
5. Thuthukisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho
Njengenye yezisekelo eziphelele zobudlelwano, ukubaluleka kokuthuthukisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho akunakuze kunganakwa. Lokhu kuba kubaluleke nakakhulu uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungabuyisa kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga. Ngokukhulumisana kangcono nangokucacile esikhathini esizayo, ususa ithuba lokufihlela umlingani wakho okuthile.
Ngaphandle kwalokho, akungabazeki ukuthi umlingani wakho uzobhekana nezinkinga zokwethenjwa ngemuva kokuqanjelwa amanga. Ayikho indlela engcono yokubasiza ukuba banqobe lokhu kungabaza okuphazamisayo futhi bakwethembe futhi kunokukhuthaza ukukhulumisana okuqotho, okuvulelekayo, nokubuyisana ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Yebo, indlela yokuthola ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga kungaba lula njengokusungula ukuxhumana okwakhayo nokunempilo nomlingani wakho. Khuthazani ukuvulelana isifuba, ngisho noma izihloko kuyizinto ongathanda ukuzigwema ukukhuluma ngazo. Ngokuvamile, lezo yizingxoxo ezibaluleke kakhulu noma kunjalo.
Ngakho-ke, ngokuzayo uma umlingani wakho ethi “Akukho lutho, ngiyaphila”, lokho kuwuphawu lwakho, sosha. Ungahlikihli ihlombe futhi ugweme leyo ngxoxo, shona phezulu bese ubuza ukuthi kungani bengabelani ngalokho abakufunayo ngokucacile. Uma wenza umzamo wokuhlakulela ukukhulumisana okunempilo, ngeke kube nzima ukuthola indlela yokubuyisela ukwethembana ebuhlotsheni.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuthemba Umuntu Futhi Ngemva Kokukulimaza – Iseluleko Sochwepheshe
6. Yiba umlingani ongcono kakhulu ongaba nguye
Nakuba ukuxolisa okusuka enhliziyweni kuzokwenza ibhola ligingqike, uzodinga ukwenza okungaphezu kobusuku obubodwa nje bokuxolisa. Manje sekuvela ingxenye lapho usebenza khona ekunikezeni umlingani wakho izizathu zokuthi ungaphinde ukwethembe. Mayelana nemizamo yakho yokuphinda ukwethembe umuntu omzwise ubuhlungu, izenzo zikhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi.
Qiniseka ukuthi manje usuyisoka/intombi engcono kakhulu umlingani wakho ongayicela futhi umbonise ukuthi uwufanele umzamo wokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni. Amamasaji abuyayo, ukudla kwasekuseni embhedeni, ukubasekela, ukubawashela izingubo, ukubaqhubezela bejabule...kulungile, mhlawumbe ungabi umsizi wabo siqu, kodwa uyawuthola umqondo.
Yiba qotho, sebenzisa izindlela zokubonisa uthando kumlingani wakho, futhi uqinisekise ukuthi umlingani wakho uyawubona umzamo owenzayo ngokuba ngumuntu oqaphile njalo. Uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungakubuyisela kanjani ukwethenjwa ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga? Thola ukuthi yini i-SO yakho eyifunayo kumlingani wakho bese uba yilowo muntu. Leso yisihluthulelo sokwenza indoda ikwethembe ngokuphelele noma iwine ukwethenjwa kowesifazane futhi.
7. Zibophezele ekushintsheni
Ukuze ubhekane nezinkinga zokuthembana ebudlelwaneni, mhlawumbe into ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenza ukuzibophezela ngenhliziyo yonke ekushintsheni. Qondanisa imikhuba noma izimbangela ezikwenze wafuna ukufihla iqiniso kumlingani wakho. Ukuthola ukuthi ungabuyisa kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga kungabonakala kuyinselele kwabaningi ngoba kudinga ukuthi uphule izindlela zakho zokuziphatha.
Lokho-ke kudinga ukuthi ubheke ngaphakathi, ucabange, futhi uqonde ukuthi kungani uziphatha ngendlela owenza ngayo ezimeni ezithile. Kungani ukuqamba amanga kubonakala kuyisinqumo esilula kuwe kunokuba ube naleyo ngxoxo engakhululekile nomlingani wakho? Kungani wesaba ukubabonisa zonke izinhlangothi zakho futhi ungacashi ngemuva kokufihla amanga akhiwe ngokucophelela?
Ngaphandle uma uqinisekile mayelana neqiniso lokuthi udinga ukusebenza ezicini ezithile zobuntu bakho ukuze ubudlelwano busebenze, ngeke uze ufake noma yimuphi umzamo. Impendulo yokuthi ungakha kanjani kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokuqamba amanga itholakala ekubeni umlingani ongcono kakhulu kanye nenguqulo yakho ongaba yiyo. Thuthukisa ukwaneliseka kwezinye izici zempilo yakho futhi ngeke uzwe isidingo sokukhohlisa. Futhi izindlela zokwakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni zizolandela.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uchwepheshe Uphakamisa Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokusiza Umlingani Onenkinga Yokwethembana
8. Nikeza umlingani wakho isikhathi
Kudingeka isikhathi esiningi, isineke, nomzamo ukuze umuntu aphinde athembeke. Uma usumoshile waphula ukukwethemba umuntu othandana naye, awukwazi ukulindela ukuthi axole ngokushesha. Kuyobathatha inqobo nje uma kubathatha, futhi ngeke kube nguwe onqumayo ukuthi kuzoba isikhathi esingakanani lokho. “Ngithe ngiyaxolisa! Ufunani futhi?” kuzophumela engilazini yamanzi echaphazwe ebusweni bakho. Ngaphandle uma ufuna lokho ngesizathu esithile, gwema ukucindezela umlingani wakho ukuba akuxolele.
Qonda ukuthi izindaba zokuthembela ngemuva kokuqanjelwa amanga azishabalali ngobusuku obubodwa. Utshela umlingani wakho ukuthi akukho okufanele akhathazeke ngakho noma umqinisekise ukuthi ngeke uphinde uqambe amanga noma umbonise ukuthi uzisola kangakanani ngeke ulungise ngomlingo umonakalo okungenzeka udalwe ngamanga akho. Bangase bazithole bengakwazi ukukukholelwa, ngaphandle kwabo.
Uma unwaya ikhanda, “Yini engingayenza ukuze ngiphinde ngithembeke ebudlelwaneni?”, ngoba sekuphele izinyanga eziyisi-6 futhi umlingani wakho akakapheli indlela omqambele ngayo amanga, qonda ukuthi wena wedwa awukwazi ukukulungisa lokhu. Umlingani wakho udinga ukuqiniseka 100% mayelana nokuthi angakwazi ukukuxolela noma cha.
Nika umlingani wakho isikhathi kanye nesikhathi abadinga ukuzindla ngaso uma bengakwazi ngisho nokukuthethelela. Njengoba nje udinga ukuzinikela ekubeni umuntu ongcono kakhulu ongaba nguye, umlingani wakho udinga ukuthola ukuthi ngabe kuyisithiyo abangasidlula. Indlela yokuthola ukwethenjwa ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga incike ekutheni umlingani wakho uzimisele kangakanani ukukuthethelela futhi akuvumele uphinde uhlangane.
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9. Lalela umlingani wakho
Izivivinyo zokwakha ukwethembana kwemibhangqwana zifaka phakathi ukuxoxa ngalokho okudingeka ukwenze esikhathini esizayo, ukuvuma ukuthi uphambukile, nokuqonda lokho umlingani wakho akushoyo. Okulindelwe yibo kuzobusa indlela nokuthi yini ongayenza ukulungisa ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela nokuqamba amanga. Ngisho noma umlingani wakho ekutshela nje ukuthi ubuhlungu kangakanani ngokuthi umqambele amanga, ngokulalela nokwamukela amaphutha akho, ungabanikeza ubufakazi obudingekayo kakhulu ababudingayo.
Ukungasusi ukukhathazeka kwabo noma ukwenza imizwa yabo yentukuthelo, ubuhlungu noma ukuhlukumezeka ingasebenzi kuyingxenye ebalulekile yendlela yokuthola ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga. "Sizobhekana kangaki nalokhu?" “Ungakuyeka futhi ubone ukuthi ngenza umzamo ngempela wokuzuza ukwethenjwa kwakho?” Udinga ukuqhela ezitatimendeni ezinjalo ukuze uthuthuke emizamweni yakho yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga.
10. Ungalindeli lutho
Indlela yokubuyisela ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga? Khumbula ukuthi umzamo ongaguquki, noma ngabe mncane kangakanani, ungangeza emiphumeleni emikhulu kodwa awukwazi ukusheshisa le nqubo. Uma ubuzisebenzela ngokwakho, uma ubukwenza konke ongakwenza ukuze ube umlingani ongcono kakhulu ongaba umlingani wakho futhi umlingani wakho akashongo lutho ngakho, ukukhungatheka ngakho ngeke kusize kakhulu ubuhlobo bakho. Yingakho ukuzibophezela ekulungiseni ubudlelwano kusengaphambili kubaluleke kakhulu.
Uma nobabili senizibophezele, kufanele niqale phansi ngezinyawo zombili. Awukwazi ukulahlekelwa yisineke sakho futhi uvumele intukuthelo ifiphaze ukwahlulela kwakho uma ungakatholi mazwi okubonga ngomzamo owenzayo. Ukuzivocavoca okwakha ukwethembana kwemibhangqwana akuqinisekisi ukwaneliseka okusheshayo. Funda ukuphatha okulindelekile ebudlelwaneni ngendlela efanele.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungakanani Ukwelashwa Kwabashadile?
11. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
Kungaba ukwelashwa kwezithandani noma ukwelashwa komuntu ngamunye, sebenzisa noma yini oyidingayo ukuze usize ube ngcono. Uchwepheshe uzokwazi kangcono ukukutshela ukuthi ungathola kanjani ukwethenjwa ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokuqamba amanga. Uma usunikeziwe ukuhlaziya okuqondile kokuthi kungani uqamba amanga nokuthi yini ongayenza ukuze uqinise ubudlelwano bakho, ngeke kubonakale kuwukusunduza idwala elikhuphukela entabeni.
Uma imizamo yakho kuze kube manje ingakavezi miphumela futhi ufuna usizo lokubuyisa ukwethembana nomuntu omlimazile, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi kuphaneli yeBonobology bakhona ukukusiza. Ngesiqondiso sabo nosizo, ungathola ukucaca kokuthi ungalulama kanjani ekuthembekeni okuphukile ebudlelwaneni bakho.
imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa
1. Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ngemva kokuqamba amanga?
Isikhathi sokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga sincike ekutheni kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi umlingani wakho azizwe ephephile nawe futhi. Ngokulandela izinto okufanele uzenze ukuze uphinde uthembeke, usiza ekusheshiseni inqubo. Ngokubonisana nochwepheshe wezokwelapha, uzogcina unciphise leso sikhathi ngenani elikhulu. Uma ufuna ukubonisana nochwepheshe wezokwelapha ukuze akusize wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni bakho, iBonobology inochwepheshe abaningi abanolwazi abangakusiza wenze lokho kanye.
2. Ingabe umuntu angaphinde athembeke?
Yebo, ukwethembana kungabuye kutholwe ebudlelwaneni bakho uma uthatha zonke izinyathelo ezifanele. Zama ukuba umlingani ongcono kakhulu ongaba nguye. Nikeza umlingani wakho isikhathi nendawo ukuze akuxolele futhi azibophezele ekubeni umuntu ongcono. Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana, nakuba kunzima, akwenzeki neze uma bobabili abalingani bezibophezele ekwenzeni ubudlelwano busebenze.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Amanga aholela ezindabeni zokwethembana ebudlelwaneni, okungase kubangele isibopho sabashadile
- Ibanga elingokomzwelo, ukukhulumisana okungekuhle, imizwa yesizungu, kanye nokunqamula ukuxhumana ngezinye zemithelela evamile yokuqamba amanga ebuhlotsheni
- Kusukela emangeni amhlophe avamile kuye emangeni okweqiwa, ihaba, amanga ezezimali, nokungathembeki, izinhlobo ezahlukene zamanga zinomthelela ebuhlotsheni ngezindlela ezahlukene.
- Ukuze wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokuqamba amanga, kufanele uziphendulele ngezenzo zakho, uxolise ngobuqotho, wenze umzamo oqotho wokwenza lokho kumlingani wakho, uzibophezele ekushintsheni.
- Uma kunesidingo, funa usizo lochwepheshe ukuze uxazulule izinkinga ezingase zikuphushele ukuba uqambe amanga futhi ufunde ukuthi ungakhuthaza kanjani ukubeka izinto obala nokwethembeka ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Imicabango Final
Yize noma imisebenzi yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ingeke igcine isinikeza imiphumela esheshayo, udinga ukuzinikela ekwenzeni ushintsho lube ngcono ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ngeke ngempela kube uhambo epaki, kodwa lokho kungenxa yokuthi ngeke ufune ukwethemba umuntu onesibopho sokukwephula, akunjalo? Ngokusebenzisa izindlela esizibalile ukuze uphinde uthole ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, uzobe usondeza isinyathelo esisodwa nsuku zonke ekutholeni kabusha isimo somlingani othembekile.
Kunzima Ukuzuza Ukuthenjwa Ngumlingani Wakho Ngemva Kokukopela – Izindlela Eziyi-12 Zokukwenza!
Izinto Eziyi-15 Ezenzeka Uma Kungekho Ukuthembana Ebudlelwaneni
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
