Ukwehlukana kuvame ukuyisandulela sesehlukaniso futhi kubonisa ukuphela komshado wakho. Akudingekile ukusho ukuthi, kungase kube isigaba esikhathazayo ngokomzwelo esingakushiya ugcwele imizwelo engqubuzanayo. Kodwa akumele kube isiphetho lapho kungabuyi khona. Ukwazi ukuthi ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kungakunikeza i-innings yesibili nomngane wakho womshado.
“Kunezimpawu ezisobala zokuthi umyeni wami osehlukene usangithanda, ngilakha kanjani ibhuloho futhi ngihlenge umshado wami?” "Mina nomkami sihlukene kodwa sobabili sifisa sengathi singasebenza." Uma wena nomngane wakho womshado niye nayijabulela le micabango nemibuzo, lisekhona ithemba ngani.
Kulesi sihloko, ukwelulekwa psychologist Kavita Panyam (I-Masters in Psychology kanye nenhlangano yamazwe ngamazwe ehlangene ne-American Psychological Association), ebisiza imibhangqwana ukuthi ixazulule izinkinga zabo zobudlelwane iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili isisiza ukuthi sibheke ukuthi ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana ukuze ungagcini ngokuyeka izinto lisekhona ithuba.
Ngingakwazi Yini Ukulondoloza Umshado Wami Ngesikhathi Sesehlukana?
Okuqukethwe
Indlela eya ekwakheni kabusha umshado wakho ngeke ibe lula noma iqonde, kodwa ngomzamo ongaguquki, ungakwenza kwenzeke. “Ngingawusindisa umshado wami ngesikhathi sokuhlukana?” Uma uzithola ucabanga ngalo mbuzo kaningi, uzokuthola kududuza ukwazi ukuthi maningi amathuba okuthi uhlenge futhi uvuse umshado ngisho nangemva kokuba wena nowakwakho senihlukene. Awukakahlukanisi, ngakho-ke akukho lutho olubekwe etsheni.
Lokho kusho ukuthi, ukuze ulwele umshado wakho lapho nehlukene, kufanele uqale ubheke futhi uhlole izizathu ezenze wena nomlingani wakho nihlukene. Ingabe umshado wawuhlukumeza? Wawushadelwe narcissist? Ingabe uyi-narcissist? Ingabe ubuwumngane womshado ohlukumezayo? Ingabe bekunezinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa noma ukuba umlutha? Ukungathembeki? Ukungasebenzi kahle komzali? Ukuhlukunyezwa ezinganeni?
Ngokuvamile, akukhona nje isici esisodwa esihlukanisa imibhangqwana, kodwa lapho umshado ugcwele ukuthambekela okunjalo okunobuthi, isici esisodwa esingaguquguquki singaba nemiphumela emibi.
Uma ubulokhu ubekezelela ubuthi noma ubuvaleleke ebudlelwaneni obungenampilo isikhathi eside, ukuhlukana nokuphuma kuba enye indlela esebenza kangcono kunokubuyisana. Uma umshado ungaphilile futhi usuphumile kuwo, ukuvuselela lokho kuxhumana okunobuthi kuzokuyisa ekwehleni.
Imibuzo yokuthi "ngingawusindisa umshado wami ngesikhathi sokuhlukana futhi kanjani?" akuzona ezabantu abasemshadweni ongenampilo, onobuthi, noma ohlukumezayo. Ukwakha kabusha umshado ngesikhathi sokwehlukana kusebenza kuphela esimweni semishado esebenzayo okungenzeka ukuthi iye yaphazanyiswa yizinkinga ezithile noma lapho bobabili abalingani bengena futhi bephuma ekuziphatheni okusebenzayo.
Imishado enjalo ingase iphazamiseke okwesikhashana ngenxa yezinkinga zezimali, izinkinga zempilo, izingane, ukungezwani ngokomoya, ukuphazanyiswa abasekhweni, ukungezwani emphakathini, nokunye. Kulezi zimo, yebo, ungasindisa umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana.
Isikhathi sokuhlukanisa singasebenza njengemboni yokulungisa lapho uzisebenzela khona futhi ubuye kabusha, ungumuntu osebenzayo. Ngaphandle kokugcina ithemba ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, kufanele futhi uzilungiselele ukufaka umsebenzi odingekayo ukuze umshado wakho usebenze okwesibili.
Ukwehlukana akufanele kuthathwe njengegaraji lapho ulahla khona izinkinga zakho futhi nibuyelane. Uma ufuna ukusebenzisa isigaba sokuhlukana njengethuba lokuhlenga isibopho sakho somshado, kufanele usebenzele ukuguqula inkulumo yakho, izenzo kanye nokuziphatha kwakho ukuze ukwazi ukubuyela emuva futhi uzame ngobuqotho nangokwethembeka.
Ngenxa yokuthi nobabili nikwazile ukudlula ngokwehlukana komshado futhi nanquma ukwenza izinto ngenye indlela akusho ukuthi kuzobe sekuwuthingo lwenkosazana nezimvemvane kusukela manje. Uthathe isinyathelo sokuqala sokwakha kabusha amabhuloho, futhi kubalulekile ukwazi ipulani yaphansi ngaphambi kokuthi ungene phansi kuqala. Ake sibheke ukuthi ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, ukuze ungavumeli ukukhulumisana okungalungile kanye nokulindela okungalungile kuphazamise indlela futhi.
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Ungawakha Kanjani Umshado Wakho Ngesikhathi Sesehlukana: Amathiphu ayi-13
Ngokucabanga ukuthi ubusebudlelwaneni obusebenzayo obungazange busebenze ngenxa yesizathu esithile, ukuqaphela ukuthi ufuna ukuphinde ukudubula kungakwenza ungahlaliseki ngesifiso sokuthatha izinyathelo ezisheshayo neziqinile zokulungisa futhi. lungisa umshado wakho ophukile.
Ungase uzibuze ukuthi ungambuyisela kanjani umyeni wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana. Noma lungisa ukuthi yini ongayenza ukuze ubonise umkakho ukuthi uyamthanda futhi ufuna ukubuyelana. Nokho, ukubuyelana ngaphambi kwesikhathi ngeke kufeze noma iyiphi injongo. Izifundo bathi kwabashadile abahlukanayo, u-13% ugcina ngokubuyisana.
Kungase kuzwakale kuyisimo esibi ekuqaleni, kodwa uma wazi ukuthi ulwela kanjani umshado wakho lapho nihlukene, wandisa amathuba okugcina kulowo 13%. Ukuze uhlele kabusha iwashi esibophweni sakho somshado, kufanele ulungele ukwenza isisekelo sokuxazulula izinkinga eziwumsuka. Lawa macebiso angu-13 okuthi ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana azokusiza ukuthi wenze lokho kanye:
1. Ukuze uvuselele umshado ngemva kokuhlukana, thola izinkinga eziwumgogodla
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umlingani wakho uphumile emshadweni noma nina, noma nobabili ninqume ukuthatha ikhefu, ningajahi ukuqeda ukuhlukana. Zinike isikhathi sokuzindla futhi usebenze ngezinkinga zakho. Imicabango yakho, izenzo zakho zenkulumo, nokuziphatha kwakho kufanele kushintshe ukuze ukwazi ukubhekana nezinkinga ezanehlukanisa kwasekuqaleni futhi umshado usebenze.
Ungavumeli imicabango nemizwelo enjengokuthi “Siyathandana futhi asikwazi ukuphila ngaphandle komunye nomunye” noma “Sinezingane futhi asifuni ukulahla ukuphila esakhe ndawonye” kulawule isinqumo sakho sokubuyelana ngaphambi kwesikhathi. Ubuzazi lezi zinto kodwa kukhona okwadala ukuthi nihlukane. Njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka, izinkinga ezifanayo zizobangela ukucasuka emshadweni wakho.
Ngakho-ke zinike isikhathi okungenani ukukhomba leyo “nto” engeke ishanelwe ngaphansi kombhoxo. Iyiphi inkinga eyenzeka njalo ebihlala ingcono kuwena? Iyiphi inkinga ekhona emshadweni wenu egcine ihlukanise phakathi kwenu?
Ngaphandle kokuthi uhlonze ukuthi yiziphi izinkinga eziwumongo, kungaba ukuxhumana, ezezimali, noma izinkinga ngendlela eniluveza ngayo uthando lwenu nobabili, ungase ubuyele emaphethini afanayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi uzozithola usumile ezimpambanweni zemigwaqo futhi. Uma ungamnaki owakwakho ngesikhathi nihlukana, ngethemba lokuthi isikhathi nebanga lizowapholisa ngomlingo wonke amanxeba, izinto ngeke zihambe kahle lapho ugcina usubona ukuthi awukazi ukuthi kungani ningafanelani kangaka ngisho nangemva kwezinyanga nihlukene.
2. Imfihlo yokugcina ithemba ngesikhathi sokwehlukana: Yenza isinqumo kuqala
Uma usunesikhathi sokuzindla ngezinkinga zakho, thatha isinqumo ngalokho okufunayo. Ingabe ufuna ukuhlala emshadweni noma ukuyeka? Cacisa kakhulu, akukho-dilly-dally noma ukulenga phakathi. Ukungakwazi ukwenza izinqumo kuholela ekukhathazekeni okukhulu nasekucindezelekeni.
Nakulokhu, izinkinga ezidale ukuthi nihlukane kufanele zibe phakathi kwalesi sinqumo. Ingabe umshado wakho ubunobuthi noma okungenampilo? Noma ingabe kwakuwukukhuphuka nokwehla okujwayelekile kwempilo yomshado kuthinte isibopho sakho?
Abantu abasebenzayo abanezinkinga zesikhashana bangalungisa izinkinga zabo nokuhlukana kwabo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, imishado engasebenzi kahle ayikwazi ukuqhubeka isikhathi eside. Hhayi ngaphandle kokulimaza umlingani oyedwa noma bobabili, noma kunjalo.
Akukhona neze ukuxoxisana ukuthi uthatha umbono ongokoqobo wokuthi ukusindisa umshado wakho kungenzeka yini futhi uma lokho kuyinto ozifunela yona ngempela. Hhayi ngenxa yezingane noma umphakathi, kodwa ngoba ukholelwa ngokweqiniso ukuthi isibopho sakho singakhuliswa sibe ubudlelwano obunothisayo, obugculisayo.
Uma usuwenzile umqondo wakho ngokufuna ukuvuselela umshado ngemva kokuhlukana, kufanele manje uqale ukusebenzela ukumisa isisekelo. Isinyathelo sokuqala kulokho ukukhuluma nomngane womshado ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, njengoba siqokomisa ephuzwini elilandelayo.
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3. Khuluma ngesifiso sakho sokubuyisana
Uma uzithola usuphuthuma kumngane wakho womshado ngoba wesaba ukuthi bangase baqhubeke noma isehlukaniso sidlule, kodwa ufuna nikeza elinye ithuba umshado, finyelela kubo futhi ukhulume ngesifiso sakho sokubuyisana. Kuye ngokuthi isibalo sishube noma sihlonipheke kangakanani, ungababhalela noma ukhulume nabo ukuze ubazise ukuthi ulungisa izinkinga zakho futhi udinga isikhathi kodwa ungathanda ukunikeza umshado elinye ithuba.
Lapho ukhuluma nomngane wakho womshado ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, gcina ingxoxo isezingeni. Ungangeni emininingwaneni. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, bakhuthaze ukuba benze kanjalo. Kubalulekile ukuthi owakwakho naye azimisele ukuxazulula izinkinga zakhe ukuze ube nethemba lokuwuvusa kabusha umshado. Ngakho, ukuba sekhasini elifanayo nakho kubalulekile.
Uma bengaphenduli ngokushesha, ungaphelelwa isineke. Ukungena emicabangweni efana nokuthi "Ngingenza kanjani umyeni wami angikhumbule ngesikhathi sokuhlukana?" noma “Ngimenza kanjani umkami abone ukuthi ngimthanda kangakanani?” izovusa ukuziphatha okungenampilo kuphela.
4. Zibuze ukuthi ufuna umshado onjani
Uma senithathe isinqumo sokuhlala ndawonye wenze umshado usebenze, zibuze ukuthi ufuna umngane womshado noma umshado onjani. Ufuna ukuba umngane womshado onjani? Ukulwela umshado wenu uma nihlukene kusho ukuzihlola nokuqonda ukuthi yini oyifunayo kulobu budlelwano.
Ukumane ugcine ithemba ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kungase kungenele, kufanele futhi ubonise umlingani wakho ukuthi manje usuyinguqulo yakho efiseleka kakhulu. Ubungeke ufune ngokuzimisela ukubuyela entweni efanayo eyakulimaza, akunjalo? Ngokufanayo, umlingani wakho ufuna intuthuko futhi, noma okuthile okuthembisa ukukhula okuhle.
Kuyacaca ukuthi kukhona obekungahambi kahle emshadweni wenu yikho okwanehlukanisa. Ngakho-ke, hlola ukuthi uguquke kanjani ngesikhathi ushada nomngane wakho womshado. Ukuvuka nokubi kukushintshe kanjani? Futhi ubungathanda kanjani ukuwenza wehluke ngalesi sikhathi? Bhala la maphuzu phansi, ukuze ube nesikhathi esilungile sokubala noma nini lapho wena nomngane wakho womshado ninquma ukuxoxa ngokuthi ningawuvusa kanjani umshado wenu phakathi nokuhlukana.
5. Funa usizo
Uma ungakwazi ukuthola izimpendulo zale mibuzo, kuhlale kuhle ukuthi ufune usizo. Wena nomlingani wakho ningacabanga ukungena ukwelashwa kombhangqwana futhi usebenze nomeluleki ukuthola indlela yokuphambukela endleleni entsha. Uma ungumuntu ongokomoya, ungakwazi ngisho nokufuna isiqondiso kumholi wesonto noma umfundisi. Ngokufanayo, ungase futhi ucele umdala womndeni ukuba alamule futhi akusize wena nomngane wakho womshado nakhe kabusha umshado wenu ngesikhathi sokuhlukana.
Lapho nifuna usizo, nobabili nidinga ukuba sekhasini elifanayo ngendlela eniyikhethayo. Isibonelo, uma ungumuntu wenkolo futhi owakwakho engeyena, ukuya kumholi wezenkolo noma wenkolo ndawonye kungase kungabi umqondo omuhle kakhulu. Uma kunjalo, kungcono kakhulu ukukhetha okuthile okungathathi hlangothi njengokufuna usizo kumeluleki njengombhangqwana, futhi ningaphendukela esiqondisweni esingokomoya ngabanye.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi ungaguquli la maseshini abe ama-slinging match lapho umba khona ukungcola kwakudala bese ujikijelana ngakho. Awukho umdlalo osolwayo noma ukusakaza izingubo ezingcolile esidlangalaleni. Noma nini lapho ulingeka ukuba uhambe ngaleyo ndlela, zikhumbuze ukuthi ulapha ukuzolwela umshado wakho lapho nehlukene futhi ningalwi.
Uma kuwusizo olufunayo, lwe-Bonobology iphaneli yabelaphi abanolwazi ingasiza ekudwebeni indlela eya emshadweni onobunye owulangazelelayo.
6. Yakha kabusha ukwethembana
Ukulwela umshado wenu lapho nihlukene, ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana kuba okubalulekile. Noma ngabe siyini isizathu sokuhlukana kwenu, kungenzeka ukuthi ukwethembana sekuthathekile. Yebo, uma nahlukana ngenxa yokungathembeki komunye wabashadile, khona-ke ukubuyisana nokwakha kabusha ukwethembana kungaba inqubo ende nenzima. Akumele ujahe.
Thatha isikhathi sokuphulukisa, ngabanye futhi ndawonye. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi, ungalwenzi uhlu lwezingubo noma uhlale usola owakwakho ngamaphutha akhe. Lokho ngeke kufeze noma iyiphi injongo. Ngisho noma ubakhumbuza isiphambeko sabo izikhathi eziyikhulu futhi bexolisa ngaso sonke isikhathi, umcabango wokukhaphela kwabo uhlale ukulimaza. Futhi ngokuphambene.
Kunalokho, bobabili abashadile kudingeka babonise ukwethembeka kwabo ngezenzo. Ithi uma inkinga yokuphuza yomngane womshado iyindaba eyinhloko emshadweni, khona-ke bangayeka utshwala ukuze bathathe isinyathelo sokuqala sokwakha kabusha ukwethembana. Uma kuyinkinga yokulutheka, ukujoyina i-AA kungaba isinyathelo esikhuthazayo endleleni efanele.
Uma ubakhohlise nosebenza naye noma okuphambene nalokho, ukushintsha imisebenzi kungavula iminyango ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana emshadweni. Isinqumo mayelana nokuthi yini okufanele yenziwe kufanele sifinyelelwe kuyona, futhi bobabili abalingani kufanele bazimisele ukunikela kancane, balungise futhi balungise izindlela zabo.
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7. Yibani ngabashadikazi abasebenzayo
“Sasiphila sodwa, futhi sasike sixoxelane izindaba kuphela uma kunesidingo,” kusho uDamian, ekhuluma ngalokho okwaholela ekuhlukaneni nomngane wakhe womshado. “Lapho siqaphela ngesikhathi sihlukene ukuthi siyakhathalelana ngokujulile futhi sasithathana kalula, saqonda ukuthi kwakudingeka senze ubuhlobo bethu bube namandla kakhulu kunakuqala.
“Saqala ukukhuluma kakhulu futhi silalelana ngobuqotho. Sabonisa isithakazelo esikhulu futhi sazinika isikhathi sokuphinde sazane. Ngangingazi ukuthi umlingani wami useshintshe waba umuntu ohluke ngokuphelele ngesikhathi sindawonye. Into engayifunda ukuthi uma ufuna ukubuyisela umkakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, kufanele ugxume ngezinyawo zombili.”
Ukuqeda ukuhlukana futhi uphendule iqabunga elisha emshadweni wakho, udinga ukusebenza njengombhangqwana. Ukufeza lokho, okokuqala, udinga ukuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye. Xoxisanani, nabelane ngamathemba enu, amaphupho nezifiso zenu.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi nisebenzisane njengeqembu. Ngokwesibonelo, uma unezingane, imithwalo yemfanelo yokuba umzali kufanele yabelwane, kuye ngamandla akho ngabanye. Omunye umzali angathatha isibopho sokusiza izingane ngezifundo zazo, omunye aphathe imisebenzi yazo yangemva kwesikole njengokuzisiza ngezemidlalo.
Okufanayo kuyasebenza nasekwabelaneni ngomthwalo wemithwalo yemfanelo yasekhaya. Uma omunye womshado engumpheki ongcono, omunye angangena ngokunakekela eminye imisebenzi efana nokugeza izitsha, ukuwasha izingubo nokunye. Umqondo uwukuthi nobabili nizizwa nizwiwa futhi nibonwa emshadweni ngokungaguquki, kunokuba nivaleleke ephethinini exakile lapho omunye womshado eqinisekisa imizwa yomunye nalokho akulindele ngokuthanda kwabo.
Ngisho nangemva kokuba seniwuvulile umshado wenu, ukungezwani nokungezwani kuyokhula nakanjani. Ungawacindezeli noma uwaxube ngaphansi kukakhaphethi ngoba lokho kuzowenza avuke ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kunalokho, yenza umzamo ukuze ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana ngendlela enempilo nangenhlonipho.
8. Bheka okuhle kumngane wakho womshado
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama ukubuyisela umyeni wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana noma ukwenza kusebenze nomkakho ngemva kokubuyisana, kufanele ugxile ekubhekeni okuhle koshade naye. Manje, lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele uzishaye indiva izingxenye ezimbi noma ezingathandeki zobuntu babo. Ukwenza kanjalo kungakhinyabeza ikhono lakho lokuba nombono ophelele ngomshado wakho.
Engikushoyo ukuthi ungaqhubeki ugxeka owakwakho. Gwema ukukhuluma kabi ngawo kubangani bakho noma ukuphumela obala ezinkundleni zokuxhumana uma kukhona abakwenzile okukucasulayo. Uma uzizwa ucushiwe noma ucasukile ukuziphatha kwabo, zama ukuphambukisa amandla akho kokuthile okukhiqizayo.
Mhlawumbe, ungahlanganisa imisebenzi efana nokuzivocavoca, ukwenza ingadi nanoma yini enye enomthelela wokuzola kuwe ukuze ulwe nanoma yikuphi ukungaboni kahle futhi ushayele amandla amaningi ngokweqile. Uma ufuna ukudlula ngokwehlukana komshado ngaphandle kokuzonda umlingani wakho ekupheleni, qiniseka ukuthi uyazikhumbuza ukuthi kungani wathandana naye kwasekuqaleni.
Zama ngangokunokwenzeka ukugxila ezimfanelweni ezinhle nasezimfanelo ezinhle zobuntu bomngane wakho womshado. Ungalungisi noma ungakhethi ezintweni ezingezinhle.
9. Ungawulwela kanjani umshado wakho lapho nihlukene: Lawula lokho okulindele ngendlela enengqondo
Nobabili wena nomngane wakho womshado niphuma emindenini ehlukene, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi lokho enikulindele kungase kungahambi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kusukela ezintweni ezincane ezifana nemikhuba yokudla kuya ezinqumweni ezinkulu zempilo ezifana nokuthi bobabili abashadile kufanele basebenze noma umuntu kufanele ahlale ekhaya ukuze anakekele izingane, ukulindela okuhlukene kuvame ukuba yimbangela yengxabano emishadweni.
Ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana? Isici esibalulekile sale puzzle ukufunda indlela yokwenza phatha okulindele ngendlela engokoqobo futhi uthole indawo ephakathi nendawo lapho imibono yakho ezindabeni ezithile ishayisana. Akudingekile ukuthi kube yisimo noma-noma, ungakha indawo yokuthi imibono yakho yokulungile nokungalungile ibe khona emshadweni.
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Isibonelo, uma uye wamukele i-veganism, ukulindela ukuthi umlingani wakho ayeke inyama kungaba ukulindela okungenangqondo. Kungase kubonakale kuyindaba encane, kodwa ukuxabana njalo ngakho konke ukudla kungase kukhathale ngemva kwephuzu elithile. Ngakho-ke, indawo emaphakathi lapha kungaba ukuthi nobabili namukele ukukhetha komunye nomunye ngaphandle kokukhononda.
Ngokunjalo, uma oshade naye engazange akusekele izinqumo zakho zomsebenzi esikhathini esidlule, kufanele ukhulume naye ngakho ngaphambi kokuba uqede ukwehlukana futhi ubonise ukuthi ukuba nomsebenzi nokuzimela ngokwezimali kubaluleke kakhulu kuwena. Ndawonye, ningathola indlela lapho nina nobabili ningaphishekela imisebenzi yenu ngaphandle kokunganakwa kwemithwalo yemfanelo yasekhaya noma yokuba umzali.
10. Shintshani ndawonye ukwenza umshado usebenze
Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi awubuyeli emaphethini amadala angasebenza njengendawo yokuzalela izinkinga, kufanele ulungele ukushintsha ukuziphatha kwakho. Akudingeki - futhi akufanele - uziguqule ngokuphelele noma ube isicabha ukuze owakwakho ahambe yonke indawo ukuze wenze umshado usebenze. Kunalokho, kufanele kugxilwe ekuguquleni ndawonye ukuze umshado usebenze.
Ngokwesibonelo, uma ukunganaki komngane wakho womshado kwakuyindaba ephikelelayo emshadweni ngaphambili, ungathola indlela emaphakathi yokuyiqeda. Mhlawumbe, oshade naye angenza umzamo owengeziwe wokukunaka ngokungahlukani phakathi nezikhathi zakho eziseduze noma ngokuhlela njalo ubusuku bezinsuku. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungayeka isidingo esiqhubekayo sokunaka kwabo ngezinye izikhathi zosuku.
“Ngangifuna ukuphinde ngixhumane nomyeni wami ngesikhathi sihlukene, kodwa wakwenza kwacaca ukuthi wayengeke amelane nezwi lokungahloniphi mina, ngeshwa, engangilithatha phakathi nezingxabano ezishubile. Ngemva kwezikhathi zokwelulekwa ezimbalwa nginomlingani wami noma ngaphandle kwakhe, waqaphela ukuthi ngangizimisele ngokulungisa izindlela zami. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, waqonda ukuthi yinto ayezoyitshela nomfundi wase-South Africa ukuze asize.”
Ngokwenza lezi zinguquko ezincane, ungakha umshado lapho wonke umuntu - kungaba nguwe, oshade naye, noma izingane (uma zikhona) - zichuma. Ukuqonda ukuthi ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kuncike kakhulu ekhonweni lakho lokubuka umhlaba ngelensi yomlingani wakho.
11. Banikeze isiphetho kwabaphula isivumelwano
Nakuba ukugcina ithemba ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kuyinto enhle, akumele kwenziwe ngenani lezindinganiso zakho, izinkolelo zakho noma injabulo. Uma kukhona izinkinga ezikhona abaphula isivumelwano sobudlelwano kuwe, udinga ukunikeza umlingani wakho i-ultimatum ukuthi badinga ukulungisa ukuze ukwazi ukwakha kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana.
Ama-deal-breakers angaba yinoma yini kusukela ekuluthweni kuya ekuthandeni ukuya ekungathembeki, ukwenza izinqumo ngaphandle kokubonisana nawe, ukuba matasa ngomsebenzi, ukulawula izindleko zakho kanye nemikhuba engalungile yokusebenzisa imali. Lapho ukhuluma nomngane wakho womshado ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, batshele ukuthi noma imaphi amathuba okunikeza umshado ithuba lesibili ahambisana nokulungela kwabo ukubhekana nalezi zinkinga.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, zilungiselele ukusebenzela kunoma yikuphi ukuthambekela kwakho okungase kuphazamise umlingani wakho. Noma ngabe uzama ukuzuza umkakho abuye ngesikhathi sokwehlukana noma uphinde uxhumane nomyeni ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, ngaphandle kwemingcele ecacile, awukwazi ukupheqa iqabunga elisha bese uqala kabusha.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukusinda Ezikhathini Ezinzima Emshadweni
12. Yekani okwedlule
“Ngiyazibona izimpawu zokuthi umyeni wami esahlukene naye usangithanda kodwa angikwazi ukumxolela.” Noma, “Umkami uyafuna wenze umshado usebenze kodwa kukhona okungibambileyo.” Uma le micabango kade isengqondweni yakho, kungenzeka kungenxa yokuthi ubambelele ezinhlungwini nokulimala okubangelwa ukukhashelwa noma izinkinga zesikhathi esidlule.
Lemizwa eyinsalela noma imfucumfucu yezindaba ezidlule ingaholela ekucasukeni, okungase kuphazamise ngisho nesifiso esiqotho sokwakha kabusha umshado wenu phakathi nokuhlukana. Ngaphambi kokuthi uthathe igxathu ukuze uqede ukuhlukana, udinga ukulungisa le ntukuthelo futhi uyeke okwedlule.
Ngena ekwelashweni, khuluma nomeluleki, khetha indlela yengokomoya, yenza noma yini oyidingayo ukuze ubhekane nale mizwa engakhululekile ngaphambi kokubuyela kumngane wakho womshado. Uma ucabanga ukuthi oshade naye uzokwamukela, ungazama ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuvuleka ebudlelwaneni futhi uzame ukuxhumana nomngane wakho womshado ngesikhathi sokuhlukana, ukuze ubazise kahle ukuthi uhlushwa yini.
“Ngifuna ukukuxolela futhi ngidedele izinto, kodwa angiqiniseki ukuthi ngingakwenza kanjani lokho futhi kuhlale kungikhathaza,” ngokusho okuthile okuhambisana nalokhu koshade naye, uzoba nazo ekhasini elifanayo nelakho, futhi nobabili ningasebenzela ukukusiza kule mizwa engemihle.
Ungayicindezeli noma uyivalele le mizwa ngenxa nje yokuthi ukubhekana nayo kubonakala kunzima. Ukwenza kanjalo kuyomane kubenze babuye benamandla, njengegagasi elinamandla elingasusa wonke umsebenzi onzima wena nomngane wakho womshado eniwenzile ekwenzeni umshado usebenze futhi.
13. Kuthathe njengobudlelwano obusha
Manje njengoba usuphumelele emizamweni yakho yokuzuza umyeni wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana noma ukwenza umkakho aphinde akuthande, kufanele uphathe i-innings yesibili yomshado wakho njengobuhlobo obusha. Phela, ningabantu ababili "abasha", ababuyele ndawonye ngemva kokusebenza nokulungisa izinkinga zakho zomuntu ngamunye kanye nokwabelana ngazo. Yenza lokho kube yisisekelo sesibalo sakho esisha.
Akukho ukubukeza kabusha izindaba namaphutha esikhathi esedlule, cha umdlalo wokusola, akukho ukungamnaki owakwakho ngesikhathi nihlukana, akukho zinsolo. Kunalokho, gxila ekuziphenduleleni nasekuxhumaneni okuqinile. Zibekeleni imingcele emisha yobudlelwano benu futhi nibhale konke okudingeka nikwenze ndawonye futhi ngokwehlukana ukuze ugcine lobu budlelwano busebenza.
Ngaphezu kwakho konke, impendulo yokuthi ungawakha kanjani kabusha umshado wakho ngesikhathi sokuhlukana isekubekezeleni. Uma umshado wakho uthintwe izinkinga ezithile kangangokuthi wena nomngane wakho womshado ninqume ukwehlukana, yazini ukuthi ngeke nikwazi ukushintsha, lungisa umonakalo futhi niphinde nixhumane ngobusuku obubodwa. Kodwa ngokuphikelela nangokuphikelela, ningathola ingoma eningacula nobabili ndawonye.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ukuze ulungise umshado ohlukene, udinga ukudalula futhi uxazulule owakho izinkinga zobudlelwano kanye nezindaba. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kubalulekile ukuqonda nokwazisa indima yakho ekufakeni isandla kulezi zinkinga futhi uziphendulele ukuze ulungise izinkinga zakho ezibhebhethekisa izinkinga zakho zomshado. Uma usukwenzile lokho futhi wanquma ukunikeza umshado elinye ithuba, shiya emuva bese uqala kabusha.
Ngokufanelekile, kufanele uhlale noma kuphi phakathi kwezinyanga ezintathu neziyisithupha, ngakho bobabili abashadile banesikhathi esanele sokuhlola ukuthi bayafuna yini ukunikeza umshado elinye ithuba futhi bathole indlela yokuwenza usebenze. Ukuxazulula izinkinga zobudlelwano kuthatha isikhathi, ngakho-ke ukubuyelana akufanele kusheshe.
Cha, ukulala nomyeni noma umkakho nihlukene kuwumqondo omubi. Wena nomngane wakho womshado senivele nisekhanda elingcolile ngesikhathi sesigaba sokuhlukana, futhi ukuphonsa ucansi engxubeni kungase kubangele inqwaba yemizwa emisha engqubuzanayo. Okudinga kakhulu ngalesi sikhathi ingqondo ecacile, eqoqiwe, ukuze ukwazi ukunquma ukuthi yini engcono kakhulu kuwe.
Ukwelulekwa Ngomshado - Izinjongo Eziyi-15 Okufanele Zilungiswe Kusho Umelaphi
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
