Ungakuyeka Kanjani Ukuzizwa Ungenalutho Futhi Ugcwalise Isikhala

Ukuphila impilo eyize kungenye yezinhlekelele ezinkulu zokuphila komuntu. Umuntu ohlangabezana nakho mathupha uzizwa elahlekile, evalelwe, futhi engenalutho. Naphezu kokuba nokuphila okulondekile, umsebenzi omuhle, nobuhlobo obunempilo nomndeni nabangane, usenomuzwa oququdayo wokuthi kukhona okushodayo ngaphakathi kuwe. Wonke amandla akho aqondiswe ekugcwaliseni isikhala, umthombo wawo ongase ube nenkinga yokuwuvala. 

Uyaqiniseka ukuthi lokhu kunganeliseki kuvela kuwe kodwa awazi imbangela yangempela yako. Ukuthola ukuthi ungasigcwalisa kanjani isikhala kungaba yinselele uma ungenalo ulwazi ngemvelaphi yaso. Ukuze sikusize uthole ukucaca kokuthi kuyini ukungabi nalutho nokuthi ungawubona kanjani lo muzwa, sixhumane noPriyal Agarwal , ongumsunguli we-SexTech social venture, i-StandWeSpeak, kanye nomqeqeshi wezempilo yengqondo nezocansi.

Uchaza ukungabi nalutho njengokuthi, "Izinhlobonhlobo zemizwa ezihlanganisa ukuba ndikindiki, isizungu, ukuzizwa unqanyuliwe, nokudabuka okukhulu. Lena yonke imizwa okumelwe ilindelwe ngenxa yokulahlekelwa okunzima, ukuhlukumezeka, ukulahlekelwa indlela yokuziphilisa, nanoma yiziphi ezinye izinhlekelele zokuphila. Nokho, lapho le mizwa idlula izimo ezicindezelayo noma iba yizimo ezingapheli futhi ibe nomthelela ekhonweni lakho lokusebenza, lokho kuba yimbangela yokukhathazeka." 

Izimpawu Zokungabi Nalutho

Ukuhlale uzizwa sengathi kukhona okushodayo kungaba yingozi empilweni yakho yengqondo kanye nempilo engokomzwelo. Uzizwa sengathi awuziqondi wena. Kukhona ukuntula inhloso. Ukuthola kunzima ukuqonda injongo yokuphila. Le mizwa ingabangela izimpawu ezinhlanu zokungabi nalutho ezilandelayo: 

1. Ukuzizwa ungento yalutho 

Udinga ukuqala ukuthola ukuthi ungasivala kanjani isikhala lapho umuzwa wehlazo wokunganeli ugcwala ezinzwa zakho. Abantu abangenalutho ngaphakathi ngokuvamile banomuzwa wokuthi ababalulekile futhi abanazo izimfanelo ezinhle namandla. Eqinisweni, bakholelwa ukuthi akukho abakwenzayo okuzoshintsha leli “qiniso”, okuyilapho umuzwa wokungabi nalutho uphakama khona.

2. Umzwangedwa oqhubekayo 

Ngokusho kocwaningo , isizungu siyinto evamile lapho abantu abangu-80% abangaphansi kweminyaka engu-18 ubudala kanye nabantu abangu-40% abangaphezu kweminyaka engu-65 ubudala bebika isizungu okungenani ngezinye izikhathi empilweni yabo. Lesi sibonakaliso esikhathazayo sibhekisela osizini nasekuphelelweni yithemba okuvela ekuntulekeni kokuxhumana nabantu.

Nokho, kufanele kuqashelwe ukuthi isizungu singenzeka ngisho nalapho umuntu esegunjini eligcwele abantu kodwa ezwa ukuntula ukuqonda nokunakekela okuhlukile kwalabo bantu. Bazizwa sengathi babodwa kulo mhlaba futhi asikho isilinganiso sokuxhumana kwabantu esizokwazi ukugcwalisa lesi sikhala. 

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3. Ukuzizwa ngindikindiki

Uma uzizwa ungenalutho, uba ndikindiki obungenakuphikwa. Ukungakwazi ukuzwa noma yimuphi umzwelo. Kuyindlela yokubhekana nobuhlungu bomzwelo obukhulu. Ngokuvamile kuvela ngenxa yokuhlukumezeka, ukuhlukunyezwa, ukulahlekelwa, noma ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa njengendlela yokubalekela ukudabuka.

4. Ukuphelelwa ithemba nokuphelelwa ithemba

Uma uzizwa ungenathemba, uqala ukukholelwa ngokuzenzakalelayo ukuthi usizi noma ukuba ndikindiki ozizwayo ngeke kuphele. Ukuphelelwa yithemba kwenzeka lapho umuntu eyeka umqondo wokuthi angalulama. Uzizwa sengathi uyayeka ukuphila ngoba kuzwakala kungenamsebenzi. Le mizwa ingenza izinkinga zakhe zempilo yengqondo zibe zimbi kakhulu.

5. Ukulahlekelwa isithakazelo 

Ukungabi nalutho kuza nokulahlekelwa intshisekelo kukho konke. Abantu baqala ukuphelelwa isithakazelo emisebenzini eyayibalethele injabulo nentokozo phambilini. Bangase baqhubeke benza le misebenzi, kodwa bazizwe benesithukuthezi futhi bangatholi ukwaneliseka okungokomzwelo okufanayo ababekuthola esikhathini esidlule.

Lesi Sikhala Sivela Kuphi? 

Isikhala osizwayo singabangelwa izinto eziningi ezihlanganisa ukungasebenzi, ukushintsha kwamazinga ama-hormone, nezinkinga zobudlelwano. Ngisho nesimo esingase sidinge ukuthi uzicabangele singaholela emizweni yokungabi nalutho, noma ngabe okwesikhashana. Singabangelwa futhi ukulahlekelwa, ukuzizwa ungenalutho ngemva kokuhlukana ngokwesibonelo.

Ukungabi nalutho futhi kuwuphawu lokucindezeleka, i-bipolar disorder, kanye ne-PTSD. Lezi zinkinga ezijulile zingatholwa kuphela ngudokotela wezengqondo onelayisensi. Ngokuvamile, ukuzizwa ungenalutho kungase kubangelwe isizathu esisodwa noma ngaphezulu kwezilandelayo: 

1. Ukulahlekelwa othandekayo

UPriyal uthi, “Abantu abashonelwa othile noma into abayithandayo ngokuvamile babika imizwa yokungabi nalutho.” Lokhu kulahlekelwa kungase kubhekisele ekufeni komkhaya, ukuhlukana nomngane noma umuntu othandana naye, ukuphuphunyelwa yisisu, noma ngisho nokulahlekelwa indlela yokuziphilisa. 

"Yebo, usizi luyindlela yemvelo yokusabela ekulahlekelweni kwabathandekayo , futhi luvame ukuhlanganisa izinga elikhulu lokungabi nalutho. Uma le mizwa inganciphi noma inganciphi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ingaba yimbangela yokukhathazeka."

2. Ukuthola ukuhlukumezeka

Okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu njengokuxhashazwa, ukuphathwa kabi, ukukhanyiswa ngegesi, kanye nokunganakwa kungaba yimbangela ebalulekile yemizwa yokungabi nalutho. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abaye babhekana nokuhlukunyezwa ebuntwaneni, ikakhulukazi ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo, banamathuba amaningi okubika izinkinga zempilo yengqondo kanye nokungabi nalutho okungapheli.

3. Umuzwa nje ojwayelekile wokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle

Uma kukhona okungalungile noma okushodayo empilweni yomuntu, kuvame ukuphumela ekubeni azizwe engelutho. Lokhu kungaba ukwenza umsebenzi abawudelelayo, noma ukuhlala ebuhlotsheni obungenaluthando.

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4. Indlela yokubhekana nesimo esingenampilo 

Ekhuluma ngezindlela ezingalungile zokubhekana nezimo eziba khona abantu lapho belwa noma bendiza, uPriyal uthi, “Abantu ngokuvamile abakwazi ukucindezela imizwa enzima ngokukhetha ngaphandle kokuthinta imizwa yabo eyakhayo, lokhu kuholela ekubeni basebenzise izindlela zokubhekana nezimo ezingenampilo, ezikhulisa imizwa yobuze.”

Isibonelo, lapho othile ezizwa eyedwa noma elwa nesimo esinzima, ngokuvamile uthulisa imizwa yakhe esebenzisa izidakamizwa, ucansi, ukucwila emsebenzini, nezinye izinto ukuze agcine ingqondo yakhe imatasa esikhundleni sokucubungula imizwa yakhe nokuzisebenzela.

5. Iziyaluyalu zobuntu

Ngokusho kocwaningo , imizwa engapheli yokungabi nalutho ibalulekile empilweni yabantu abanesifo sobuntu obungenamingcele (BPD). Le mizwa yokungabi nalutho ihlotshaniswa nokungacabangi kahle, ukuzilimaza, ukuziphatha kokuzibulala, kanye nokusebenza kabi kwengqondo.

Ukungabi nalutho ngokuvamile kuwuphawu lwenkinga ejulile yengqondo, njenge-bipolar disorder, noma i-BPD, phakathi kokunye. Njengoba ukungabi nalutho kuncike kulokho umuntu ngamunye abhekana nakho, kunezimbangela eziningi ezihlukene zangaphakathi nezangaphandle ezingaba umsuka wenkinga.

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Izindlela Ezingasebenzi Abantu Abazama Ukugcwalisa Isikhala Sabo Ngazo

Abanye abantu bazama ukugcwalisa isikhala ngokungena ebudlelwaneni obuhlukahlukene. Injabulo yokuqala into entsha iyabajabulisa. Baba ngabathandanayo abalandelanayo futhi bashintshashintshashintsha besuka kobunye ubuhlobo baye kobunye. Abazami ukuthola uthando lwangempela kodwa bamane bagcwalisa isikhala. Eminye imizamo eyize abantu abayenzayo ukugcwalisa isikhala esingaphakathi kubo yile:

• Ukuthenga izinto ezibonakalayo nokusebenzisa imali ezintweni ezingadingekile 
• Ukuphuza ngokweqile, ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa, nokulala ubusuku obubodwa
• Ukugcwalisa isikhala ngokubukela imibukiso 
• Ukusebenza njalo ngaphandle kokuthatha ikhefu

Kodwa-ke, akekho ongagcwalisa isikhala angakakulungeli ukusivuma okwamanje. Uma ungakaqondi ukuthi kungani uzizwa ungenalutho, iphaneli yabelaphi abanolwazi be -Bonobology ilapha ukukuqondisa kule nqubo futhi idwebe indlela yokululama.

Uchwepheshe Wembula Indlela Yokugcwalisa Isikhala

Uzizwa ungelutho ngoba ucabanga ukuthi awuthandeki futhi akekho umuntu okufunayo noma okukhathalelayo. Lo mbono onephutha womuntu siqu uhlanekezela umbono wakho oqondile kanye nendlela ozibona ngayo. Ngaphambi kokuthi kube sína, udinga ukuthola ukuthi ungasivala kanjani isikhala. Nazi izindlela ezimbalwa ezisekelwa uchwepheshe ezingasiza: 

1. Ukuba ngamabomu ngesikhathi sakho sokuphumula

U-Priyal uyeluleka, “Hlela uhambo oluncane kodwa olunelisayo ngesikhathi sakho esikhululekile.Uyozizwa ufuna ukwenqaba lezi zinhlelo ngoba awukuthandi ukuzenza, kodwa kubalulekile ukuhlehla ngokumelene nale micabango futhi ushukumise ingqondo yakho ngezinto ezintsha.”

Lesi yisinyathelo sokuqala sokuthi uzithanda kanjani futhi sinzima kakhulu, kodwa ukuthola izinto ezintsha zokuzilibazisa, ukuhlola izindawo ezintsha, kanye nokuhlanganyela emisebenzini emisha kuzosiza ekunikezeni ingqondo yakho amandla okusha futhi ungase uthole nezindlela ezintsha zokudala endleleni.

2. Ukwazisa ubuhlungu bakho ngokubhekana namanxeba angapholi

UPriyal uthi, “Ukucubungula ngamabomu izinhlekelele zakho zangaphambilini ukuze ukwazi ukuqeda ubuze ezibulethayo kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile ohambweni lwakho lokugcwalisa isikhala. Lokhu kufanele kwenziwe ngokuyinhloko ngokwelashwa, kodwa ungafunda nezincwadi zokuzisiza futhi ujoyine amaqembu okusekela. Sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uphulukise inhliziyo yakho ephukile ngokwamukela ukuthi amanxeba akho ayadingeka futhi adinga ukuhlanzwa nokugqokwa.

"Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi uhlale futhi uzwe yonke imizwa yakho mayelana nalokhu kuhlukumezeka ukuze uqonde ngokugcwele imizwa eyivusayo kuwe nokuthi kungani. Lokhu ngeke kukusize nje ukuthi uxhumane nawe kodwa futhi kuzokusiza ukuba ube nobubele kwabanye." Esinye sezinyathelo eziyinhloko zokugcwalisa isikhala siwukwamukela ukuthi ulimele. Lokhu futhi kuzoba okokuqala kwakho ekwelapheni. Uma ugcina imizwa yakho igqitshiwe, kuba buhlungu kakhulu ukuyimba. 

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3. Indlela yokugcwalisa isikhala? Prakthiza ukuzindla nokucabanga

Ukuzindla nokuba nengqondo kuzokusiza ukuthi ube khona kakhudlwana lapha namanje, okuzokusiza uzizwe uxhumeke kakhulu kuwe kanye nolwazi lwakho lwansuku zonke. Lezi futhi zisebenza njengamasu okuphumula asebenzayo azokusiza ukuthi ube nomuzwa wokuzola nokuthula okungenzeka ungabi nawo esikhathini eside. Ezinye zezinto ongazama ukuzenza zijwayeze ukucabanga yilezi:

• Yoga
• Ukuzivocavoca ukuphefumula okujulile
• Ukuhamba imizuzu eyi-10 nsuku zonke 
• I-Journaling 

4. Ukukhuthala

U-Priyal uthi, "Ungazama ukuvala isikhala ngokuzivivinya kakhudlwana. Ukuzivivinya umzimba kusiza ukulinganisela amazinga akho e-hormone, kwehlise ukucindezeleka, futhi kunikeze amandla. Kukusiza futhi ukuba uhambisane kangcono nomzimba wakho kanye nezidingo zawo."

Thola izindlela zokuthandana nawe futhi uzizwe ubalulekile. Ezinye izinto ezimbalwa ongazenza ukuzibekela imigomo emincane futhi efinyelelekayo. Imigomo ingaba yinoma yini ehlobene nokuphila kwakho komsebenzi noma komuntu siqu. Le migomo yesikhashana izokusiza ukulwa nemizwa yokuphelelwa yithemba kanye nokungabi yinto yalutho. Izokusiza ukuqondisa imizamo yakho ekudaleni impilo engcono.

5. Zama ukuhlangabezana nezidingo eziyisisekelo ukuze uphile

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika, u-Abraham Maslow, seza nethiyori ebizwa ngokuthi i-Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Imele umbono wokuthi abantu badinga izici ezimbalwa zomzimba nezengqondo ukuze bahlale bekhuthazekile empilweni yabo yonke. Kunezidingo ezinhlanu eziyisisekelo zawo wonke umuntu:

• I-Physiological - Ukudla, amanzi, nokuphefumula 
• Ukuphepha nokuvikeleka - Ikhaya, ingcebo, nempilo
• Uthando kanye nokuba khona - Ubungane, ubudlelwano bothando, namaqembu omphakathi 
• I-Esteem - ukwazisa, inhlonipho, nokwazisa 
• Ukuzenza Ongokoqobo - Ukuzazi wena ngamathalenta akho, ukukhula komuntu siqu, kanye nokuzanelisa 

Uma uzizwa ungenalutho, khona-ke kunethuba lokuthi eyodwa noma eziningi zalezi zidingo eziyisisekelo azihlangabezwana nazo empilweni yakho. 

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6. Ukubuyisela

UPriyal uthi, “Ukungabi nandaba nabanye kungenye yezinto ezivuza kakhulu ngokwengqondo ongase uchithe isikhathi namandla akho kuzo. Lomusa ungeza ngezindlela eziningi, okuhlanganisa ukunikela ezinhlanganweni ezisiza abampofu, ukusiza osebenza naye, ukuvakashela ikhaya labadala, nanoma yisiphi isenzo somusa esisuka enhliziyweni. 

Impilo ingazizwa ingenanjongo uma uzizwa ungenalutho. Kodwa lokho akulona iqiniso. Imizwa yakho emibi ikwenza uzizwe ngaleyo ndlela. Uma usuwamukele imizwa engakhululekile yobuhlungu, intukuthelo, kanye nesizungu, uzozizwa ulula. Funda ukubaluleka kokuyeka futhi uzoya ohambweni lokuphulukiswa. Uzozwa umthwalo uphela emahlombe akho.

Kuphela uma usuphulukile, uzokwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obujulile nawe kanye nabanye. Isikhala esingaphakathi kuwe akusho ukuthi sekuwukuphela kwendlela. Kusho nje ukuthi impilo ikunikeza elinye ithuba lokuzithanda wena.  

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.