Wake waba nobunye balobo busuku lapho izinkumbulo zesithandwa sakho sangaphambili zigijimela kuwe, zikushiye ungakwazi ukulala isikhashana? Ubanjwa uphenduphenduka, ulangazelela nokukhala. Ukuhlaziya kakhulu okwenzile okungalungile nokubukela phansi okwenzile kahle. Ubusuku bangemva kokuhlukana bokuphelelwa yithemba obufana nalaba banele ukwenza noma ubani afune ukuthola ukuthi angazisula kanjani izinkumbulo.
Ngokungangabazeki, ukuhlukana kunzima kuwo wonke umuntu ohilelekile. Nokho, uma okuwukuphela kwento esele ebuhlotsheni izinkumbulo obambelele kuzo ngokuphila kwakho, ukuqhubeka kubonakala kuwumsebenzi ongenakwenzeka, njengokungathi kuyinto ongeke ukwazi ukuyifinyelela.
Ngakho-ke, wenza kanjani ngokusula umuntu enkumbulweni yakho? Uma usuqede yonke enye inqwaba yobufakazi bobudlelwano obukhona, uphunyuka kanjani ezinkumbulo ezilokhu zihlupha ingqondo yakho? Ake sixoxe ngokuthi ngabhekana kanjani nezinkumbulo ngemva kokuhlukana nokuthi ngenzeni ukuze ngiqhubeke.
Uzisula Kanjani Izinkumbulo: I-Bout Yami Nge-Post-Breakup Stress
Okuqukethwe
Ebudlelwaneni bami bokugcina, babekhona izipho eziningi lokho kwasuka kimi kuye kuye esikhathini esiyiminyaka emibili. Ezinye zazo zazilungele iphakethe kodwa zivuthiwe ngemizwa - amakhadi ama-mushy, ama-roses abomvu kanye nezinsiza. Okunye kwakuyizingubo zomklami, amagajethi, isikhwama se-Fendi, i-Burberry clutch, iwashi le-Omega, uhlamvu lwegolide oluqoshwe ngezithombe zethu ezinezithembiso zothando lwaphakade.
Kancane kancane? Bengingakakutsheli nangendandatho yedayimane. Masingakhohlwa ezinye izinto ezifana nebhuku lomlando elakhiwe ngobunyoninco - kusukela ngesikhathi ethi 'sawubona' kuze kube yileso sikhathi ebuhlotsheni bethu, into eyangithatha isonto lonke ukuyihlanganisa nokudweba.
Cishe unyaka nesigamu sithandana lapho kuqala isiyaluyalu, ngikhumbula ngimtshela ukuthi “noma yini oyenzayo, ngithembise ukuthi ngeke ukulahle noma yini engikunike yona. Wathi uzothumela yonke into emuva kodwa ngamethembisa ukuthi ngeke acabange ukwenza into enjalo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani phakathi kwethu.
Mhlawumbe wenza leso sithembiso ngesikhathi kusashisa. Kodwa ngangingeke ngikwazi ukuba naye isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze ngithole ukuthi wayesigcinile ngempela yini, ngokungafani nezinye izithembiso zakhe. Ngalahlwa ngobusuku obubodwa ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha, ngazithola ngivalekile ngokuphazima kweso. Ngaleso sikhathi, ukucabanga ngezinto ezibonakalayo kwakuyinto encane kunazo zonke engangikhathazeke ngayo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-10 Zokubhekana Nobuhlungu Benhliziyo
Ukubhekana nezinkumbulo kwakuyingxenye enzima kakhulu
Ngangingenandaba nemali engangiyisebenzisa ezintweni engangimnika zona. Nokho, umngane wami omkhulu wasikisela ukuba ngimthumelele umyalezo ngicela abuyise konke engangimnike kona. Ngamtshela ukuthi noma yini engangimnike yona noma engimenzele yona ngangiyintandokazi yami futhi ngenxa yothando lwami ngaye, abukho ubugovu obuhilelekile kunoma yiziphi izenzo zami.
"Izinkumbulo ziyaphela uma udala ezintsha ezibaluleke kakhulu."
Ukuhlala ngokweqiniso uthando olungenathemba Mina, ngithole induduzo emcabangweni wokuthi mhlawumbe lezo zinto zizogcina ukukhumbuza wakhe kimi. Khona-ke umngane wami wangibuza ukuthi ngizozenzani ngezinto ayenginike zona, futhi ngaqala ukucabanga. Ngaphandle kwesigcobo sezindebe engingakaze ngisisebenzise ngenxa yokwesaba ukusilahla lapho sesiqedile, isigaxa sikashokoledi esingazange siphume efrijini elijulile namathikithi efilimu yokuqala esiyibone sindawonye, empeleni angizange ngibe nalutho olwanikezwa nguye ngomqondo wezinto ezibonakalayo.
Ekuqaleni, kwangijabulisa, kodwa lapho ngiqaphela, ngatshela umngane wami ukuthi bekuyoba ngcono ukuba ngithole izinto ezivela kuye ngoba bekuzoba lula ukuzilahla kodwa enginakho kubi kakhulu - izinkumbulo zakhe! Ukuthola indlela yokukhohlwa izinkumbulo zomuntu owake wathandana naye kube nzima kunalokho engangikulindele.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe sidinga ukuvalwa ngaso sonke isikhathi?
Ubalekela kanjani izinkumbulo ngemva kokuhlukana?
Kulula uma kuqhathaniswa ukulahla izinto ezibonakalayo kodwa kunzima kakhulu ukususa umuntu engqondweni yakho ngokuphelele. Uyisula kanjani inkumbulo yomuntu? Nokho, okungenani amamuvi abonakala enza kangcono kunathi. KuThe Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind, uJim Carrey kanye no-Kate Winslet bazisula ezinkumbulo zomunye nomunye besebenzisa inqubo yomshini, futhi ngaleso sikhathi ngangifuna ukuthi lokhu kube yingxenye yomhlaba wangempela. Nokho, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngabona ukuthi izinto ogcina usuzenzela zona zikwenza ube umuntu onamandla, umuntu ongcono.
Ngaleso sikhathi ngenhliziyo ebuhlungu, ngazisusa zonke izithombe zakhe, amanothi ezwi, izingxoxo - ubufakazi bokuhlangana kanye nesibopho esabelana ngaso, ngazi ukuthi naye wayenze okufanayo kudala. Njengoba izikena ze-MRI zibonisa lapho ubhekene nezikhumbuzo zomuntu owake wathandana naye, ingqondo yakho ivula izindawo ezifanayo ezibangela ubuhlungu obungokomzimba ngaleyo ndlela yelule ukululama kwakho. Noma yimuphi umkhondo womuntu wangaphambili empilweni yakho uzokulimaza futhi uphazamise ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo, okudinga kakhulu isigaba sangemuva kokuhlukana.
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Ukuthola ukuthi ungazisula kanjani izinkumbulo zomuntu owake wathandana naye kungenye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu ongayenza. Kwesinye isikhathi, asinamandla ngokwanele ukuthi singasusa yonke into. Ikakhulukazi emhlabeni wanamuhla lapho izinkumbulo eziningi zilele kuma-hard drive namaselula ekhompuyutha yethu. Kulungile ukuba buthaka okwesikhashana njengoba singabantu phela futhi ubuntu obusenza sikwazi ukuthanda indlela esenza ngayo.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, nokho, ngiphakamisa ukukhiya wonke amarekhodi e-elekthronikhi noma uwadlulisele kwenye idrayivu ehlukile bese uyidlulisela kumngane eneziyalezo zokuthi ungawabuyiseli kuwena kuze kube yilapho usuqine ngokwanele ukubhekana nesikhathi esidlule esibuhlungu futhi.
Uzisula Kanjani Izinkumbulo Ze-Ex Yakho Ngemva Kokuhlukana
Uma ubheka ukuthola impendulo yokuthi “ungamsula kanjani umuntu enkumbulweni yakho?”, iseluleko esihle kakhulu esingakunikeza umuntu ukulandela ngokwenkolo umthetho wokungathintani. Cabanga ngakho, ungalindela kanjani ukuqhubeka, lapho ulinde owakwakho ukuthi aphendule, ulokhu ulahlekelwa amaphupho asemini mayelana nokuchitha isikhathi naye?
Inqubo "yokukhohlwa" ngowayekade ekhona futhi unqamule othintana naye kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Kodwa uma ubusuku bakho busuka ekugqolozeleni isikrini sefoni yakho, silinde ukuthi sikhanyise ngesaziso esivela kowayekade ewushade naye sokugcina ifoni yakho ikude ukuze uthole ukuphumula, uzozibonga ngakho.
Ngeshwa, asihlali Ukukhanya Kwaphakade Kwengqondo Engenabala indawo yonke, futhi okuwukuphela kwempendulo yokuthi “ungayisula kanjani i-ex yakho enkumbulweni yakho” iwukuba uphishekele amadlelo aluhlaza, ngaphandle kokulokhu ubheka emuva ukuze ubone ukuthi labo obashiye ngemuva baqhuba kanjani. Gcina ukuqhelelana kwakho no-ex wakho, gxila kuwena futhi ungavumeli ingqondo yakho ikuqinisekise ukuthi ngeke uphinde uluthole uthando. Ngemva kwesikhathi esifanele lapho usunothando olusha, uzobheka emuva bese uhleka ukuthi ubucabanga ukuthi uphatheke kabi kangakanani.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Abantu badlula usizi ngejubane labo. Nakuba singekho ngempela isikhathi esiqondile sokuthi kuzothatha isikhathi esingakanani ukubaleka izinkumbulo ngemva kokuhlukana, kungase kuthathe umuntu noma kuphi phakathi kwenyanga kuya eminyakeni embalwa. Kuye ngokuhlukana, izinto ozenzayo ukuze uzisize uqhubekele phambili, kanye nesikhathi sobudlelwane, isikhathi esisithathayo ukukhohlwa othile singahluka.
Uma ufuna ukuthola ukuthi ungazikhohlwa kanjani izinkumbulo ze-ex yakho, kufanele uyeke ukuphila esikhathini esedlule. Yamukela ukuhlukana kwenzeke, sebenzisa umthetho wokuthi ungathintani futhi uqale ukugxila kuwena. Zama ukungazivumeli ukuthi ukhungatheke ngokuphuthelwa okwakuyikho, kunalokho, zama futhi ugxile ekusaseni lakho. Ukungaxhumani nomuntu othandana naye kuzokusiza kakhulu kunalokho ongakucabanga.
Okokuqala nokubalulekile okufanele ukwenze ukuqinisekisa ukuthi isikhathi sakho esiningi simatasatasa ngezinto ezikhiqizayo. Zivocavoce, sebenza, funda kanye/noma wenze noma yini ekujabulisayo. Zinike isikhathi sokuzizwa udabukile/u-nostalgic nge-ex yakho, kodwa ungakuvumeli kudle usuku lwakho ngokuqinisekisa ukuthi uyaziphazamisa. Sebenzela ukuqhubeka, thola usizo lochwepheshe uma kudingeka. E-Bonobology, sine- inqwaba yabelaphi abanolwazi ngubani ongakujabulela ukukusiza ukuthi udlule kulesi sigaba esinzima empilweni yakho.
Imicabango Final
Izinkumbulo azipheli ngokuphazima kweso, kodwa amandla azo phezu kwakho angafiphala uma udala ezintsha, ezingcono. Ukwelapha kumayelana nokwamukela, ukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo, kanye nokubuyisela eyakho injabulo. Abelaphi bethu bangakusiza ukucubungula imizwa futhi uqhubekele phambili ngokucacile. Bhukha Iseshini Yokwelapha Manje
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
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