Indlela Elungile Yokusebenzisa Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Ukuhlukana Nokulahlekelwa | | , Umhleli-inhloko
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Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana
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Ukuphela kobudlelwano kungenye yokulahlekelwa okukhubaza kakhulu esingabhekana nakho ekuphileni konke. Noma ngabe uzama ukuqhubekela phambili noma usalokhu uphonsela i-ex yakho, amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana angaba ithuluzi lakho elinamandla kakhulu. Yebo, singabona ukuthi lokhu kungase kubonakale kuyindida ngandlela-thile. Okufunayo nje ukuthi uthi nhla nje ka-ex wakho, ithuba lokubamba futhi uzwe izwi labo okokugcina, bese sithi, “Ukuthula kunamandla.”

Ukuhlukana kuphumela esikhaleni esivulekile empilweni yakho, esilethwa ingxenye ebalulekile yempilo yakho ikhishwa. Lokhu-ke, kukushiya ulimele futhi unqobe umuzwa wokulangazelela. Ukulangazelela lezo zinsuku ezimnandi lapho nashaywa ngomunye nomunye. Ngokuthinta umlingani wakho, umsindo wezwi lakhe, indlela izindebe zakhe ezigoqeka ngayo ngendlela ethile lapho emamatheka.

Kodwa-ke, lapha sikutshela ukuthi ukuthula komsakazo futhi akukho ukuxhumana okuzokusiza kulobu buhlungu benhliziyo. Sizwe kodwa. Ngemininingwane yochwepheshe evela kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nomeluleki Juhi Pandey, ogxile ekwelashweni komndeni kanye nokwelulekwa ngempilo yengqondo, sizokutshela ukuthi amandla okungathintani nokuthula asebenza kanjani ku-dynamics yangemva kokuhlukana phakathi kwama-ex ukuze siqonde ukuthi kungani leli su lisebenza cishe njalo.

Ingabe Ukuthula Kuyindlela Engcono Kakhulu Yokubuyisela Ngemva Kokuhlukana?

Ukugcizelela ukubaluleka kokuthula ngemva kokuhlukana, ake sihole ngenye yezingcaphuno ezidume kakhulu mayelana namandla okuthula zombhali u-Elbert Hubbard, “Lowo ongaqondi ukuthula kwakho cishe ngeke awaqonde amazwi akho.” Lokhu kufingqa kahle ukuthi kungani ukungakhulumisani ngemva kokuhlukana kwenza izimanga.

Uma unqume ukwehlukana, nakanjani kuzoba nokungezwani, izinkinga, nokungaqondi kahle. Lapho amazwi akho ehluleka ukuxazulula lezo zinkinga ngesikhathi nindawonye, ​​ungalindela kanjani umphumela ohlukile manje? Kungakho ukumisa konke ukuxhumana nokudala ibanga elithile kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokuthola ukucaciseleka kokuthi kungani izinto zingahambi kahle nokuthi yini oyifunayo ukuya phambili.

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Umthetho wokungathintani

Juhi uthi, "Umthetho wokungaxhumani uyadingeka uma ufuna ukuqhubekela phambili empilweni yakho. Uma kunzima ukubhekana nakho, ungaqala ukunciphisa ukukhulumisana kancane kancane. Uma sekufika eqophelweni lapho ukuba khona noma ukungabi khona kwalowo owake waphila kungakuthinti kakhulu, uzobe usutholile ukuthi ungawabuyisa kanjani amandla akho endodeni. Yilokho ngokuyinhloko okungenakho ukuxhumana ngemva kokuhlukana kwengqondo."

Ngakho-ke, uyini umthetho wokungathintani? Njengoba igama liphakamisa, kusho ukunqamula konke ukuxhumana nomuntu owayethandana naye ngemva kokuhlukana - lokhu akuhlanganisi nje kuphela ukuhlangana noma ukubonana ubuso nobuso nomuntu oshade naye, kodwa futhi nokungakhulumi naye, ukumthumelela imiyalezo, noma ukuhlanganyela naye ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kanye nokugcina ibanga elide ekubanganeni bobabili.

Lena indlela ehlolwe isikhathi ukukusiza ukucubungula imizwa yakho, alulame ebuhlungu benhliziyo, bese unquma inkambo yakho yesikhathi esizayo. Ukuze usebenze kahle, umthetho wokungathintani kufanele usetshenziswe okungenani izinsuku ezingama-30. Kodwa-ke, kukuwe ngokuphelele ukuthi uyinwebe isikhathi eside njengoba udinga ukuphulukisa. Futhi ngisho kuze kube phakade.

Akekho othintana naye uma kuqhathaniswa nokuthuliswa komsakazo

Uma ufuna ukusebenzisa amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze uzuze, kuyasiza futhi ukuqonda ukuthi akekho oxhumana naye ngemva kokuhlukana kwengqondo nokuthi ihluke kanjani ekuthuleni komsakazo. Ake siqale ngokubheka incazelo yokuthula emsakazweni – uyaphuma ekuxhumaneni futhi awufinyeleleki. Esimeni sobudlelwano, ukuthula komsakazo kungasho ukuthi awugcini nje ngokunqamula konke ukuxhumana nomuntu othandana naye kodwa futhi ubashiye bengakwazi ukuxhumana nawe.

Ngakho-ke, uma ubavimba ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, kuzinhlelo zokusebenza zemiyalezo, kanye nenombolo yabo, uprakthiza ukuthula kwerediyo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma imigudu yokuxhumana ivulekile kodwa ungaqalisi ukuthintana, kwaziwa njengokungazijwayeza ukuthintana. Kokubili kungasetshenziswa ngokuhambisana ukuze kusetshenziswe kahle amandla okuthula ngemva kokulahlwa noma ukulahla uzakwethu.

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Kungani Ukuthula Kunamandla Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Ukuphuma ku-radar ngemva kokuhlukana kungase kube enye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu ongayenza, ikakhulukazi ezikhathini lapho kuzwakala khona sengathi inhliziyo yakho izoqhuma uma ungezwa izwi labo kulo mzuzwana. Ezikhathini ezinjalo, ungase uzithole uzibuza ukuthi umbono othi “ukuthula kunamandla” unawo yini amanzi.

Nokho, ukuze uqonde ukuthi ukuthula kukusiza kanjani ukuthi ubuyise amandla kowakudala, ake sicabangele enye indlela. Uphonela i-ex, uyabakhumbula, ufuna babuye futhi unganikeza noma yini ukuze ubuyele endleleni izinto ebeziyiyo. Lesi sifiso singabangela ukuphelelwa ithemba, futhi ekuphelelweni yithemba, ungase uqale ukuchichima i-ex yakho ngezigigaba okungenzeka ukuthi azikulungele.

Kusukela ekushayeni ucingo udakiwe kuye kunqwaba yemiyalezo, kanye nokuthunyelwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana okufihlakele noma okunomunyu ngokweqile, empeleni uyabancenga, ucela ukuthi bakunake. Lokhu kungase kukwenze ubonakale njengomuntu oswele futhi odangele, futhi owayekade ethandana naye angase alahlekelwe yinoma iyiphi inhlonipho abanayo ngawe. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uma bengasabeli ekuvukeleni kwakho, kungase kube nomthelela omubi ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzihlonipha kwakho - bese kuthikameze inqubo yokwelapha futhi kube nomthelela omubi ebudlelwaneni bakho besikhathi esizayo.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukungakhulumisani ngemva kokuhlukana kukuvumela ukuba ugcine ukuzihlonipha nesithunzi sakho kuphelele. Ungase ubhekane nobuhlungu obugogekayo bokuphuka kwenhliziyo, kodwa ngokungamniki owakwakho ithuba lokubonisa ukungabi nandaba nobuhlungu bakho, ungagwema ukwengeza inhlamba ekulimaleni. Ngenxa yalokho, esikhundleni sokuzidabukela, uzizwa unamandla futhi uqiniseka emandleni akho okuqhubekela phambili futhi uphile impilo ngokwemibandela yakho.

Noma ngabe ufuna ukubeka ubudlelwano ngemuva kwakho noma unethemba lokubuyisana, ukuthula kuyithuluzi elinamandla kuzikhali zakho, ngenxa yalezi zizathu ezilandelayo:

  • Kukusiza ukuthi welaphe ebuhlungwini bokuhlukana
  • Kukunika isikhathi sokucabangisisa ngezindaba zobudlelwano bakho futhi unqume ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela, ngaphandle kokuthonywa umbono wowayekade ewuthanda ngale ndaba.
  • Inikeza i-ex yakho ithuba lokukukhumbula
  • Kuninika ithuba nobabili lokuxazulula imizwa engemihle ngokuhlukana niyibeke ngemuva
  • Kwenza ukuthi i-ex yakho ifune ukukhuluma nawe ngoba uma ikwenza lokho kusuke kuyintando yakhe hhayi ngaphansi kwengcindezi

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Amandla Okungaxhumani Nokuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Ukunyamalala ngemva kokulahlwa noma ukuqeda ubuhlobo kungakusiza ukukunikeza isikhathi sokuzazisa. UJuhi uthi, “Ukuthula kubalulekile ngemva kokuhlukana. Ukuzithulela kungase kube buhlungu ekuqaleni kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuzokwenza uzizwe unokuthula futhi wenze izimanga ukuze ubonise ukubaluleka kwakho. ukuzizwa unesizungu ngemva kokuhlukana futhi ube nesifiso sokuxhumana ne-ex yakho, uziphazamise futhi wenze okuthile okukwenza uzizwe ungcono. Buka imuvi, zibambe. Kancane kancane, uzoqala ukuqaphela ukuthi awusakhunjuzwa njalo nge-ex yakho ngayo yonke into encane ekuphileni kwakho, futhi lokho kuyintuthuko.”

Kungani ukungabikho kokuxhumana nokugcina ukuthula ngemva kokuhlukana kubaluleke kangaka? Ngoba nje kungcono ukuthi ube ongaqondakali ngemuva kokuhlukana kunokuba unamathele futhi uncenge i-ex ukuthi ikubuyisele emuva. Yebo, ukulandela lesi sinqumo kudinga ukuzikhandla nokubekezela, kodwa nakhu okungakusiza ukukufeza:

Ngikusiphi Isigaba Sokuhlukana?

1. Kukubeka esikhundleni samandla

Kungani ukuthula kunamandla kangaka ngemva kokuhlukana? Nokho, lapho uqala ukukhuluma nowayethandana naye ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana, ngokuvamile kuba ngenxa yezizathu ezimbili - ukubazisa ukuthi ukhathazeke kangakanani futhi ubaqinisekise ukuthi banikeze ubuhlobo elinye ithuba noma ukukhombisa ukuthi awuthinteki kangakanani. Noma ngabe yikuphi, kukwenza ubukeke uphelelwe yithemba futhi ubuthakathaka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngokugcina ungathintani futhi uthule ungadlulisa ukungabi nandaba kwakho nokungathathi hlangothi kwakho ngempumelelo.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukubaluleka kokuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ekusizeni qhubekela phambili ngokushesha okukhulu ayikwazi ukucindezelwa ngokwanele. Uma ufuna ngempela ukushiya okwedlule ngemuva futhi uqiniseka ukuthi wena no-ex wakho aninalo ikusasa ndawonye, ​​ukuphuma e-radar ngemva kokuhlukana kungakusiza ukuqeda yonke idrama engadingekile futhi ugxile ekwelapheni kwakho.

Ukuqhubekela phambili akusona sodwa isimo lapho ukuthula kunamandla. Kungase futhi kube ngempumelelo ngendlela efanayo ekuwineni i-ex. Simply ngoba indiva owesilisa ngemva kokuhlukana noma ukusika ukuthintana nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana, kubenza bazibuze ukuthi ngabe ubunendaba nobuhlobo njengoba bebecabanga. Noma uma uthinteka yikho njengabo. Ukungazi kubaqhubela phezulu odongeni, futhi maningi amathuba okuthi bangakwazi ukumelana nokufinyelela kuwe ngesikhathi esithile. Ngakho-ke, qhubeka, mnike ukuthula emsakazweni, noma umnikeze indlela yokuthula yakudala futhi ubavumele beze kuwe ngemva kokuhlukana.

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2. Kubonisa ukuthi ukusingatha kahle kangakanani ukwehlukana

Khumbula leso siqephu se Friends lapho u-Rachel emosha khona usuku abese eqhubeka nokudakwa eshayela uRoss ukuze amtshele ukuthi uphezu kwakhe futhi usetholile ukuvalwa? Futhi uyakhumbula ukuthi wayephatheke kabi kangakanani ebuka uRoss elalela lowo mlayezo? Ayikho into enhle ephuma edakiwe ufonele i-ex uyitshele ukuthi uphezu kwayo kanjani.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uthini, iqiniso lokuthi uzelule isandla libonisa ukuthi unendaba. Okufanayo kuya emibhalweni edakiwe. Usukile ukusuka ecela ukunakwa ebudlelwaneni ukucela ukunakwa kowakudala. Lokhu kuthumela umlayezo wokuthi zibaluleke kakhulu kuwe. I-ex yakho ingase iqale nokukholelwa ukuthi awukwazi ukusebenza ngaphandle kwayo, futhi ingase iqale ukukuthatha kalula nakakhulu.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma uvele uphume ngokuphelele ku-radar, ikhono lakho lokusingatha ukuhlukana kahle liyazikhulumela. Ngakho-ke, zilungiselele ukuhamba futhi umenze akukhumbule ngokuphrakthiza ukuthula emsakazweni ngemva kokuhlukana, noma umenze azibuze ukuthi wenzani ngokumkhipha ekuphileni kwakho. Uma owesifazane ethule emsakazweni noma owesilisa elandela ukuthi akekho ongathintana naye ngemuva kokuhlukana, kuyamdida futhi kufake omunye umuntu izingosi. Ngokungangabazeki leyo yindlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nokuhlukana.

3. Kukunika isikhathi sokuzindla

Amandla okungathintani nokuphathwa buthule ukuthi kukunikeza isikhathi sokuzindla. Ibanga elisuka kowakudala likunika ithuba lokuzihlola mayelana nokuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela. Uyafuna ngempela buyelana ne ex yakho noma wukujwayelana kobudlelwano okukugcina uxhumekile?

UJuhi uthi, “Lapho unesikhathi sokuzindla, ungacabanga ngezimo ezikukhathazayo futhi uhlole umnyombo wazo.Zibuze ukuthi kungani izinto zenzeka ngendlela ezenzeka ngayo nokuthi yini obungayenza ngendlela ehlukile, uqala ukubona izinto ngokucacile, mhlawumbe bebengebona abantu abakufanele, noma mhlawumbe, kudingeka uzikhandle ukuze ukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo bothando obunempilo.” Pho, umsakazo uthula kanjani ngemva kokuhlukana komsebenzi kulesi simo? Ngokudala isikhathi esanele nebanga lokukuvumela ukuthi uhlole ukuthi kwenzekeni nokuthi kungani ngombono omusha.

ukuthula komsakazo ngemva kokuhlukana
Ukuhamba ngemva kokuhlukana

4. Owathandana naye ufuna izimpendulo

Amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana, ikakhulukazi uma ukwenza ngaphandle kokuxwayisa kusengaphambili, ukuthi ushiya i-ex yakho nemibuzo eminingi kunezimpendulo. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma uzijwayeza ukuthula emsakazweni ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokulahlwa wukungakhulumi. Ukuphi? Wenzani? Kungani ungafonanga? Kusho ukuthini?

Ukuthula noma ukunyamalala ngemva kokulahlwa kugcina i-dumper ididekile ngokuphelele. Kuyindlela yokuphikisa ukwenqaba i-ex yakho ezobenza balahlekelwe yinoma yimuphi umuzwa wamandla abebecabanga ukuthi banawo. Noma ngabe i-ex yakho iyona enqume ukuhlukana, ukungafiki kwakho kungazelelwe kuzobenza baphinde bahlole izinto njengoba bemile. Ngamafuphi, mnqume, uzokukhumbula. Noma yeka ukuxhumana naye futhi uzobona ukubaluleka kwakho empilweni yakhe.

Amandla okuthula ngemva kokwenqatshwa, noma ngisho nangemva kokuba usudonse ipulaki ebudlelwaneni, ancike kuphela eqinisweni lokuthi kuvusa ilukuluku nokufuna ukwazi. Ukungabi khona kwakho kuzovusa imibuzo eminingi kakhulu kunokubheja njalo nokwenza imizamo yokuwina i-ex. Ukufuna izimpendulo kungenza owakwakho abone ukubaluleka kwakho empilweni yakhe. Noma ngabe wena ngizisole ngokuhlukana futhi ufuna ukunikeza ubuhlobo elinye ithuba, ake eze kuwe ngemva kokuhlukana, noma umvumele enze isinyathelo sokuqala.

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Ungawasebenzisa Kanjani Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana - Izinyathelo Ezi-3 Namathiphu angu-10

Into eyodwa iqinisekile, bobabili abesifazane nabesilisa basabela ekuthuleni nasebangeni ngelukuluku elikhulu nothando kumuntu wangaphambili kunokuba benza ngokweqisa okuhlala njalo okuhloselwe ukubuyisela i-ex. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna ukubuyelana nomuntu owayeshade naye noma nibambe iqhaza ngokuhle, awukwazi ukukhohlwa amandla okuthula ngemva kokwaliwa noma ukuhlukana ekufinyeleleni lowo mgomo. Kodwa ungasebenzisa kanjani amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi unomphumela oyifunayo? Nazi izinyathelo ezintathu okufanele uzikhumbule:

Isinyathelo 1: Umthetho wokungaxhumani naye

Usuvele uqonde ukuthi kungani ukuthula kunamandla kangaka ngemuva kokuhlukana kanye nomehluko phakathi kokuthula komsakazo nokungaxhumani. Manje, ake sibheke ukuthi ungayisebenzisa kanjani i- umthetho wokungathintani ngempumelelo. Lapho umuntu oyedwa enquma ukudonsa ipulaki ebuhlotsheni, isibalo asikwazi ukuhlala sinobungane. Futhi bobabili abalingani abavamile ukunquma ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngesikhathi esifanayo nangezizathu ezifanayo.

Ngenxa yalokho, nakanjani kuzoba nemizwa yentukuthelo nokulimala engakwenza wenze izinto eziwubuwula ngemva kokuhlukana. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi awugcini ususho noma wenza izinto ongazisola ngazo noma uzibone njengomuntu oswele nophelelwe yithemba ocela ukunakwa, kubalulekile ukuthi unqamule zonke izinhlobo zokuxhumana nomuntu othandana naye. Nansi indlela:

1. Wasule ocingweni lwakho

Susa imininingwane yabo yokuxhumana kusuka ocingweni lwakho futhi uvimbele inombolo yabo (ngoba kungenzeka ukuthi ukhumbule inombolo yabo, futhi lapho usezinhlungwini nokulangazelela, ungagcina ubafonele futhi ubathumelele imiyalezo). Uma uvimba inombolo yabo, leso sinyathelo esengeziwe sokuvula lapho uzama ukufinyelela kowayekade esanda kuzalwa singakuvimbela ukuthi udlule kukho. Ingasaphathwa, ukwenza kanjalo, kuqeda ukuthi kungenzeka ukungakwazi ukumelana ukuphendula imiyalezo yabo kanye nezingcingo.

izindaba zokuhlukana nokulahlekelwa

2. Zisuse ezinkundleni zokuxhumana

Ukuze ukwazi ukungena emandleni okuthula ngemva kokwenqatshwa noma ukuhlukana, ukuhlanzwa kufanele kube okuphelele futhi okuphelele. Lokho kusho ukususa futhi ukuvimba i-ex yakho nakuzo zonke izinkundla zokuxhumana. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ulahlwe impatho buthule noma ukhethe ukuthula ngemva kokuqeda ubuhlobo, lesi sinyathelo siyadingeka, ukuze kungabikho indawo yokufinyelela egcina ephila amathemba akho okuthola owayekade ethandana naye noma ukuqalisa kabusha ubuhlobo.

3. Ziqhelelanise nabangane

Ungaceli izibuyekezo zempilo yowayekade engabangane bakho. Kungase kubonakale kuyindlela elula yokuhlala uxhumekile empilweni yabo kodwa kuzokubangela ubuhlungu obuningi futhi kukuvimbele ukuthi ungaqhubeki. Ngokusemandleni akho, khawula ukuthintana nabangane bakho bobabili, gwema izimo zomphakathi lapho owayekade ekhona engaba khona, futhi ubazise ukuthi uthatha isikhathi sokugxila ekwelapheni nasekuqhubekeleni phambili.

4. Bhala phansi imicabango yakho

Isifiso sokufinyelela umuntu owayethandana naye sinamandla kakhulu uma ubona, wenza, noma uhlangabezana nokuthile okukukhumbuza ngaso leso sikhathi. Mhlawumbe, ubuka kabusha uhlelo lwakho oluthandayo futhi uphuthelwe ukugona nabo esofeni. Noma isimo sikukhumbuza ihlaya langaphakathi, elikugcwalisa isifiso esingenakunyakaziswa sokuthumela lowo mbhalo othi “Ngifisa sengathi ngabe”. Noma mhlawumbe, ubhekene nemibuzo efana nokuthi, “Ingabe uzobuya ngemva kokumthulisa?” “Uyangikhumbula?” "Iqala nini indoda ukukukhumbula?" “Ingabe useqhubekele phambili?” Hhayi-ke, noma ngabe kuyini okuzwayo, kubhale phansi edayari, esikhundleni sokufona noma ukuthumela i-ex yakho imiyalezo.

5. Gwema izindawo lapho ungahlangana khona nazo

Okungenani ezinsukwini zokuqala ezingu-30 - isigaba esibaluleke kakhulu sokungaxhumani - gwema izindawo lapho ungahlangana khona nomuntu wakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama ukuthola indlela yokuthola amandla akho kowesilisa noma kowesifazane, noma uzama ukuthulisa umsakazo ukuze uhlole ithiyori ethi “umnqamule, uzokukhumbula,” kubalulekile ukuthi ungahlangani ubuso nobuso nomuntu wakho wangaphambili kuze kube yilapho uzizwa sengathi uyibambe ngokuqinile imizwa yakho.

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Isinyathelo sesi-2: Oxhumana naye okhawulelwe

Uma usuqinisekile ukuthi isikhathi sokungathintani siyifeze injongo yaso, ungaqalisa kabusha okunomkhawulo xhumana ne-ex yakho. Lokhu kusho ukukhuluma noma ukuthumela imiyalezo kanye ngesikhathi. Kubalulekile ukuthi ukwazi - futhi wenze - uhambe ngaphandle kokukhuluma nabo izinsuku ndawonye. Uma kungenjalo, uzibeka engcupheni yokubuyela emaphethini akho amadala okuzwa isidingo sokwabelana nabo ngayo yonke imininingwane emincane yempilo yakho kanye nentuthuko entsha.

Wonke umsebenzi onzima obuwenzile ukuze ungaxhumani nawo uyachitheka. Umqondo wokuthintana okulinganiselwe uwukuhlola amanzi futhi ubone ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukukhuluma ne-ex yakho ngaphandle kokuphenduka isiphithiphithi esishisayo esibuthakathaka ngokomzwelo. Nansi indlela:

1. Baphathe ngendlela obungaphatha ngayo omunye umuntu

Uma usebenzisa amandla okuthula ngemva kokulahlwa noma ukulahla umuntu ngendlela efanele, ukukhuluma ne-ex yakho ngeke kukwenze uzizwe sengathi kukhona okudlayo amathumbu, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, ithemba lokukhuluma naye alibukhanyisi ubuso bakho, usuku lwakho, impilo yakho. Uma kulapho okhona lapho uqeda ukuthula komsakazo ngemva kokuhlukana futhi udlulela koxhumana nabo abambalwa, ngokwemvelo uzozizwa udidekile mayelana nokuxhumana nomuntu othandana naye. Ukubaphatha ngendlela obungenza ngayo noma yimuphi umuntu omaziyo noma umngane akufanele kube nzima, futhi yilokho okufanele ukwenze.

2. Yiba ojwayelekile uma uhlangabezana nazo

Uma ukwazi ukufinyelela ekuvaleni nomuntu othandana naye ngemuva kwesikhathi esifanele sokungaxhumani, kuzophumela ekwelapheni okuphelele futhi kukuvumele ukuthi uye ekuxhumaneni okulinganiselwe ngokwengeziwe. Noma kunjalo, kungase kungabi lula ukuhlangana nabo mathupha. Uma kwenzeka lokho, gcina ukuthula kwakho futhi uziphathe ngendlela evamile.

  • Akukho ukubaleka noma ukucasha kubo
  • Akukho ukuphuma endleleni yakho ukuze ubagweme noma uchithe isikhathi nabo
  • Cha ukubatshela ukuthi ungaphezu kwabo noma ukuthi kabi kangakanani ufuna i-ex yakho ibuye
  • Shintshanani ngezinto ezimnandi, khulumani kancane, niqhubeke ningathuki

Isinyathelo sesi-3: Ukuxhumana nokuhoxa

Uma usudlule esinyathelweni sesi-2, kuphephile ukucabanga ukuthi usufike endaweni lapho ungabelana khona ngesikhala futhi ube nengxoxo nomuntu othandana naye ngaphandle kokuthi ukubuyisa bonke labo. ngemuva kokuhlukana imizwa. Manje ungasebenzisa amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze udale ukuxhumana okuhle.

Manje njengoba isikhathi esanele sesidlulile, imizwa engemihle kuzo zombili izinhlangothi bekufanele idambe, ungakha phezu kwemizwa eyakhayo, enobungane oba nayo lapho ukhuluma nomuntu owayethandana naye ngemva kwesikhathi eside sokuthula ngokugcina izinto zinobungane futhi ngokushintshana ukuxhumana nokuhoxa. Nansi indlela:

awukho umthetho wokuxhumana
Ukuhoxisa ukuxhumana isikhathi esithile

1. Ukuthintana ngezikhathi ezithile

Ake sithi ninengxoxo ende yocingo futhi nobabili nivale ucingo nijabule futhi nanelisekile. Kuleli qophelo, kufanele ugodle ukuxhumana isikhathi esithile. Manje njengoba sewazi kahle ukuthi kungani ukwelapha buthule kusebenza nowayekade ekhona, sebenzisa lolu lwazi ukuze uzuze ngokuvula amasu okuxhumana ngemithamo emincane yokusebenzisana bese uhlehla. Uma ukhuluma nomuntu - ngisho noma kuyi-ex yakho - kuzwakala kumnandi, abantu bavame ukuqhubeka nokufuna okwengeziwe. Kodwa lokhu kungaba umthambeka oshelelayo ongakwenza ubuyele emaphethini amadala. Kugweme.

2. Musa ukuqoqa izindaba ezindala

Uma usuqalile ukukhuluma, qiniseka ukuthi awuphakamisi izindaba ezindala nezikhalo. Ukuphinda uvule amanxeba amadala kungabangela ukuthi isimo siphume singalawuleki ngokushesha. Yonke inqubekelaphambili oyenzile kuze kube manje ingahlehliswa. Kunalokho, gxilani ekuzijabuliseni nasekujabuleleni ukuba ndawonye, ​​ukuze kuthi lapho nihoxisa ukukhulumisana, nishiye i-aftertaste ebabayo, eshiya owake wathandana naye efuna okwengeziwe.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyisikhombisa Ezibangela Ukuba Owakwakho Ashise Futhi Abande - Nokuthi Ungabhekana Kanjani Nakho

3. Buyisanani noma niqhubeke - Isikhathi sokwenza ukukhetha

Uma uzibuza, indoda iqala nini ukukukhumbula ngemva kokuhlukana noma lapho owesifazane eqala ukuzisola ngokuhlukana, manje impendulo yakho. Ukuxhumana okuhle, nokuzizwa kahle kuzokwenza nobabili nilangazelele okwengeziwe. Lokhu kungavusa ukulangazelela futhi kuvule umnyango wokubuyisana. Uma lokho kuyinto enivulekele kuyo nobabili, manje yisikhathi sokunquma ukuthi nifuna ukuphatha kanjani ubudlelwano benu 2.0. Uma nobabili niqhubeke futhi nivuma ukuthi anifaneleki njengabalingani bothando, lokhu kungaba isiqalo sobudlelwano obuqinile, obunempilo be-platonic.

Isibhengezo se-Manjari Saboo

Ayini Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana?

Manje, njengoba ususebenzise amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana, yini elandelayo? Umbuzo kuleyo mpendulo uncike kulokho okufunayo. Uma ususungule ukuxhumana okuhle usebenzisa ukuthula ngemva kokuhlukana, amathuba okuthi lowo owake wathandana naye acabange kabusha ngesinqumo sakhe maningi kakhulu.

Ukungabikho kwakho, kanye nokuba khona kwamasu, kuzobenza bakubone ngelinye ilanga. Uma uqale ukusebenzisa impatho buthule namandla okungaxhumani njengendlela yokubanqoba futhi, kulapho ongathatha khona lokho kugxuma. Nokho, ukuqala phezu kobudlelwano akusona isinqumo okufanele sithathwe kalula. Qiniseka ukuthi wena nowayekade ekhona nikala futhi nixoxe ngazo zonke izinzuzo nezingozi ngaphambi kokuba nithathe isinqumo futhi ningakhukhuleki osizini lomzwelo olethwa amandla okuthula.

"Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu basuke benenhloso yokulungisa izinto nomuntu owayekade ekhona kodwa isikhathi sokungaxhumani nabo sibenza babone ukuthi akuyona indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza lokho. Uma kulapho okhona, zivumele ukuthi uqhubeke ungenacala," kweluleka uJuhi. Ngisho noma ninquma ukungaphinde nibuyelane, ukuthula ngemva kokuhlukana kukusiza ukuba ulondoloze ubuhlobo obuhle nomuntu owayethandana naye. Noma okungenani, zibheke ngendlela eyakhayo, okukuvumela ukuba ubheke emuva ebuhlotsheni bakho ngaphandle kwamagqubu noma inzondo.

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

  • Ukuthula ngemva kokwehlukana kuyithuluzi elinamandla lokuqeda ubuhlungu benhliziyo, ukwakha ukuzethemba kwakho, futhi uthole umbono walokho okufunayo.
  • Ukuthola ukuthintana nomuntu owake wathandana naye kudala kukwenza ube namandla, kukunikeza ithuba lokuzazisa, futhi kukushiye ufuna izimpendulo.
  • Akukho ukuthintana, ukuthintana okulinganiselwe, ukuxhumana kanye nokuhoxa kuyizinyathelo ezintathu ezibalulekile zokungena emandleni okuthula ukuze ubhekane nokuphela kobudlelwano.
  • Lesi sigaba sizokunikeza ukucaca kokuthi uyafuna yini ukunikeza owakwakho elinye ithuba noma uqhubeke futhi ugxile emandleni obudlelwano obuzayo

Amandla angempela okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ukuthi kukukhulula ekwesabeni kwakho, ekuvinjweni nasekuthembeleni komunye umuntu. Ukuthi ukhetha ukwenzani ngaleyo nkululeko kukuwe. Ukuze uthole okuningi ngokuphuma ku-radar ngemva kokuhlukana, kubalulekile ukuthi uqale le nqubo ngombono osethiwe womphumela. Vele uthathe izinto isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi, futhi ubone ukuthi indlela ikuholela kuphi.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ingabe ukuthula kuwukuziphindiselela okungcono kakhulu ngemva kokuhlukana?

Emuva kokulahlwa, uma uthula, iyona ndlela yokuziphindiselela engcono kakhulu leyo ngoba umuntu okulahlile uzohlala ezibuza ngokuthula emsakazweni wakho angabe esakwazi ukuphumela obala ngokuthi ukuhlukana kwakho kukuthinta nakancane.

2. Kungani ukuthula kunamandla kangaka ngemva kokuhlukana?

Uma ubona ukubaluleka kokuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ungakwazi qhubekela phambili ngokushesha okukhulu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngokugcina ungaxhumani futhi uthule ungadlulisa ukunganaki kwakho nokungathathi hlangothi kwakho ngempumelelo.

3. Ubona kanjani uma i-ex yakho yenza sengathi iphezu kwakho?

Uma ugcina ukuthula emsakazweni ekugcineni kwakho owayekade ekhona angase aqhubeke enza imizamo yokuxhumana nawe noma athole kubangani ukuthi uqhuba kanjani. Bangase bakuthumelele imiyalezo noma bazame ukukwenza ube nomona ngokuthi babona omunye umuntu. Lezi izimpawu eziqinisekile ukuthi i-ex yakho ayiphezu kwakho.

4. Kufanele umsakazo uthule isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana?

Noma kuncike emgomweni wakho, kufanele usebenzise ukuthula komsakazo okungenani izinsuku ezingama-30. Uma ufuna ukuqhubekela phambili futhi ungalokothi ubheke emuva, ungasebenzisa ukuthula komsakazo isikhathi esingakanani ofuna, ngoba akusadingeki ukhulume ne-ex yakho futhi.
Uma ufuna amandla okuthula ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze akusize ubuyisele izinto, ukuyisebenzisa ubuncane bezinsuku ezingu-30 kuyisiqalo esihle.

Izinyathelo Ezi-5 Zokuqinisekisa Ukuvala Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Izinto Eziyisi-7 Akekho Okutshela Ngayo Ngokuhlukana

Ungakuqeda Kanjani Ukuhlukana Uwedwa?

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.




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Abafundi Baphawula “Ngendlela Elungile Yokusebenzisa Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana”

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