Uhlukana Kanjani Nentombi Yakho: 21 Okwenza Nokungamele Ukwenze

Uyazibuza ukuthi ungahlukana kanjani nentombi yakho? Ayikho impendulo elula kulo mbuzo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ninesikhathi eside kangakanani ninomunye noma ziyini izizathu zenu zokuhlukana, ukudonsa ipulaki ebudlelwaneni nakanjani kuzohlaba. Futhi hhayi nje lowo ozolahlwa. Ngisho nanjengalowo oqala ukuhlukana, ungase uzizwe ukhungathekile, udabukile, futhi ukhungethwe umuzwa wobunzima obungachazeki.

Ngenkathi ubhekana nale mizwa futhi uqunga isibindi sokuchitha ubhontshisi, kufanele futhi uzwele isimo sengqondo sentombi yakho lapho ufunda ngesinqumo sakho sokuhlukana. Ukuqaphela imithetho ethile yokuhlukana kungenza isimo sibe lula kuwena nakulowo osanda kuba yisidala sakho.

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Uhlukana Nentombi Yakho 

Uma ubulokhu ubambana nombuzo othi, “Ngihlukana kanjani nentombi yami?”, ubuyokwazi ukuthi ayikho impendulo elula kuwo, ikakhulukazi uma isinqumo sokuhlukana singesakho. Ungase uzizwe unecala ngokuhlukana naye lapho ehlala ekuthela ngothando futhi leli cala lingase likuphazamise emqondweni wakho isikhathi eside ngemva kokuhlukana.

Nokho, akulungile futhi ukwenza sengathi ujabulile nomunye umuntu kanti cha. Uzikweleta wena nentombazane yakho ukuthi nikhulume futhi nivuleleke ngokufuna ukuqeda izinto. Asikho isidingo sokufuna okuqinile izaba zokuhlukana ngoba akukho ongakusho ukwenza le ngxoxo ibe mnandi. Okungcono kakhulu ongakwenza ukukweqa amahlombe akho bese ukhuluma ngakho, ngozwela nangokwethembeka ngangokunokwenzeka. Ukukusiza ukuthi wenze lokho, nanka amathiphu okuthi ungayitshela kanjani intombi yakho ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana nayo:

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1. Mtshele mathupha

Yebo, ukutshela umuntu ukuthi awusenaso isithakazelo sokuba naye noma ukuthi seniphelelwe uthando kuwubuwula. Isikhathi esikhulu. Kodwa injalo impilo. Kufanele ufunde ukubhekana namaqiniso ayo angajabulisi. Lesi ngesinye isimo esinjalo. Akungabazeki ukuthi ukumtshela lezi zindaba kuzomholela ezikhathini ezingezinhle, ezingase zibe nezinxushunxushu. Kufanele uzilungiselele ukuyiphatha ngendlela ongakwazi ngayo.

• Uma ufuna ukuhlukana nentombi yakho, qiniseka ukuthi uxoxa nayo mathupha, noma ngabe ninobudlelwano obude. Iba nesithunzi sokuhlangana naye okokugcina, uma kungenzeka
• Phela uma usukhule ngokwanele ukuthi uqome usuke usuvuthwe ngendlela efanele. Lokho kuhlanganisa ukumnikeza ukuvala ingxoxo yobuso nobuso
• Lokhu kuba nzima nakakhulu uma uhlukana nentombi yesikhathi eside, njengoba kunzima kakhulu ukubhekana nokuhlukana okungazelelwe ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Kungase kungabi indlela elula yokuqeda ubuhlobo bakho nentombi, siyayithola. Kodwa kuhloniphekile futhi kufanelekile

2. Khetha indawo enobumfihlo obuthile

Ngihlukane kuphi nentombi yami? Ingabe lowo mbuzo unzima engqondweni yakho? Okokuqala, zimbambathe emhlane. Ulungiselela ukuhlukana ngendlela efanele. Manje, ukuphendula umbuzo wakho:

• Gwema izindawo zomphakathi njengamakhefi nezindawo zokudlela. Kuhle ukuba nenkulumo yokuhlukana endaweni lapho nina nobabili ninethuba lokuxoxa ngokuthula ngaphandle kokulalela abanye.
• Ngesikhathi esifanayo, gwema izindawo ezinencazelo ekhethekile kuwe njengombhangqwana. Isibonelo, ukuthatha intombi yakho uyiyise endaweni ohlala kuyo aqale amqabule ukumtshela ukuthi ufuna ukuphuma akuwona umqondo omuhle
• Khetha indawo engathathi hlangothi lapho ungathola khona ubumfihlo obudingwa yileso sikhathi sokukhathazeka. Mhlawumbe ningahlangana endaweni yomngane wakho noma nihambe niyoshaywa umoya epaki elicezile ukuze nobabili nikhulume ngokukhululekile

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3. Mnikeze incazelo

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uhlukana no-GF omthandayo noma othile obukade umbona nje, nakanjani kuzoba nezizathu ngemuva kwesinqumo sakho.  

• Mhlawumbe anihambisani. Noma kunezinkinga ezithile zobudlelwano ongakwazanga ukuzixazulula. Noma kukhona omunye umuntu empilweni yakho. Mhlawumbe amaphupho akho ngabanye ayakwehlukanisa
• Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izizathu zakho, wabelane naye ngazo. Kungase kube nobubanzi bokungaqondi kahle. Ngakho-ke, zama ukucaca ngangokunokwenzeka. Sebenzisa ithoni yesiguli, ezolile. Kungase kube nezinyembezi noma ukuwohloka okuphelele kwemizwelo, ngakho-ke zilungiselele
• Lapho uhlukana nentombi ekuthandayo, lezi zincazelo zizosiza kakhulu ekuyisizeni iqonde lapho uvela khona futhi mhlawumbe ingadambisa ubuhlungu.

Ekhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe, u-Rita, umqeqeshi we-yoga waseWisconsin, wabelana ngamaphuzu ambalwa okuthi ungayitshela kanjani intombi yakho ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana nayo. "Hhayi-ke, ungabashiyi belenga, ikakhulukazi lapho bekwenze kahle kakhulu. Lapho uMorgan engishiya ngingenalo ngisho nombhalo, kwangithatha iminyaka ukuthi ngikholelwe ukuthi akuhlangene nami. Angizange ngicabange ngomunye umuntu engizothandana naye ngoba ngangiqiniseka kakhulu ngokungafaneleki kwami ​​​​ukuba umlingani. Ngangilokhu ngicabanga ukuthi ngenzenjani. buyisela le ndoda ngemva kokuhlukana,” usho kanje.” Ukuntula incazelo kungase kube nomthelela omubi empilweni yengqondo yentombi yakho nokuzethemba kwayo.

4. Mnikeze ithuba lokukhuluma

Uma usulishilo ucezu lwakho, mnike ithuba lokukhuluma. Uma ezizwa engaboni ngaso linye, maningi amathuba okuthi ukusabela kwakhe kube ukushaqeka, okuhlanganiswe nentukuthelo nokudideka. Uma nobabili ninezinkinga ezinkulu futhi ukuhlukana kwaba yinto engenakugwenywa, angase abe ne-pragmatic kakhulu ekuphenduleni kwakhe.

• Mnikeze isikhala ukuze akhiphe imizwa yakhe ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka. Ungase uvumelane noma ungavumelani nalokho akushoyo, kodwa lena akuyona indawo yokuphikisana nakho. Kuyeke kuhambe. Lokhu kungase kube okokugcina uma ukhuluma naye ngenhliziyo
• Ukuhlukana kungase kube nzima ukuqeda, ngakho-ke uma ezama ukukuxoxisela noma ukushintsha umqondo wakho, ungamvumeli ukuba adlulise amacala akhe okuthinta imizwelo kuthonye isinqumo sakho. Lesi akusona isikhathi sokuqagela, noma uzibuze, “Ingabe kufanele ngehlukane nentombi yami noma cha?”

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5. Zilolonge imigqa yakho

Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi uthola umlayezo ohlosiwe, kufanele uprakthize ozokusho. Futhi uma uzohamba hlukana nentombi yesikhathi eside, qonda ukuthi ingxoxo izoba nengcindezi. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ukumemezela isinqumo sokuhlukana kungase kube isikhathi esicindezelayo ngokomzwelo. Ungase ungakwazi ukukusekela kuleso simo sengqondo. Ngenxa yalokho, ungagcina ususho izinto ezingenza isimo sibe nzima kakhulu noma sibe nzima kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, uma ubulokhu uzibuza, “Ngihlukana kanjani nentombi yami?”, Nazi izinto ezimbalwa ezingasiza:

• Ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume nentombi yakho yamanje, zinike isikhathi sokuprakthiza imigqa yakho. Ukukhuluma phambi kwesibuko kuyindlela enhle yokuhlola ukuthi ukhuluma izinto ezifanele ngendlela efanele yini nokuthi amazwi akho anomphumela oyifunayo.
• Ungakwazi futhi ukuyizama nomunye umuntu, njengomngane, ukuze uthole impendulo mayelana nendlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nale ngxoxo
• Zama ukuthi ungabukisi, ungajabuli, noma uzwakale sengathi uyazijabulela. Khumbula ukuthi usho lamazwi ukuze uhlukane naye. Iphuzu liwukuthambisa igalelo kuye, hhayi ukumenza abe nosizi

6. Xoxani ngomthetho wokungaxhumani naye

Kungumkhuba omuhle ukunqamula konke ukuxhumana nomuntu owake wathandana naye ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana. Lokhu kukuvumela kokubili isikhathi nendawo ukuze uphulukise futhi uqhubeke. Lapho ukhuluma ngokuhlukana nentombi yakho, xoxa ngalokhu umthetho wokungathintani.

• Mtshele ukuthi ungathanda ukuphuma ku-radar isikhashana bese uchaza ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini. Awekho amakholi wefoni, akukho mibhalo, ukuyeka ubungane noma ukuyeka ukulandelana ezinkundleni zokuxhumana—amayadi ayisishiyagalolunye wonke
• Yenza iphuzu lokumtshela ukuthi ungakujabulela ukube ubesebhodini lombono, kodwa uzokwenza noma kunjalo. Lokhu akufanele kuxoxisane ikakhulukazi uma uhlukana nentombi yesikhathi eside, njengoba nobabili nidinga isikhala sokulungisa isimo futhi nijwayelane nokuphila ngaphandle komunye nomunye.

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7. Phelisa izinto ngenothi elihle

Kungenzeka niphuma empilweni yomunye unomphela kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ngeke nisikhumbule isikhathi esihle enisichithe ndawonye ngothando. Ukuze lokho kwenzeke, kufanele uqedele izinto kahle futhi uhlukane nentombi yakho ngomusa.

• Mtshele ukuthi ungumuntu omuhle onezimfanelo eziningi ezitusekayo. Nokuthi noma ngubani angaba nenhlanhla yokuba naye njengomlingani wabo wempilo
• Uma uzizwa kanjalo ngokweqiniso, ungaphuthelwa ukumtshela ukuthi uyaxolisa ngokuthi izinto azihambanga phakathi kwenu nobabili.
• Ukuba mnene endleleni yakho lapho ukhuluma hlukana nentombi ekuthandayo kungenza ukubhekana nobuhlungu nobuhlungu benhliziyo kube lula kakhulu kuye nakuwe

8. Vala isicabha kuye, ngobumnene kodwa ngokuqinile

Ukubambeka esigungwini esibi sokuhlukana nokubuyelana nomuntu othandana naye akuyona ukuphela kwemiphumela yokuhlukana okufanele uyiqaphele. I-Breadcrumbing-ukuthumela imiyalezo yothando ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuze mhlawumbe uqale kabusha izinto nomuntu wakudala—kuwumkhuba oyingozi ngokufanayo. Uthumela umbhalo, akucele ukuthi uze, futhi into eyodwa iholela kwenye, futhi unenkinga ezandleni zakho. 

• Kungaholela ekudidekeni futhi kucishe kungenzeki ukuthi noma yiliphi iqembu likwazi ukweqa elinye
• Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, udinga ukuthola indlela eyakhayo yokuhambisa imizwelo yakho kunokubambelela kodlule. Uma usubuqedile ubudlelwano, vala umnyango kuleyo ngxenye yempilo yakho
• Ungase udinge usizo olwengeziwe uma omunye wenu ekuthola kunzima ukuqhubeka ngemva kokuhlukana. Indlela elula yokuqeda ubuhlobo bakho nentombi iwukuvimba imininingwane yokuxhumana yomunye isikhashana. Kuzoba nzima, kodwa kuzofaneleka

9. Xoxa ngezokuthutha

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungahlukana kanjani nomuntu okade enobudlelwane naye isikhathi eside, ngaphandle kwesici esithinta imizwa yakho, kuzomele ubambe iqhaza emithelelani yokuhlela. Uma wabelana ngendlu, i-akhawunti yasebhange, izimpahla, amagama ayimfihlo, izilwane ezifuywayo, noma izingane, ukuhlukana kungaba nzima kakhulu. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele uqhubeke uhlala ebuhlotsheni obungagculisi noma obungajabulisi.

• Uma imizwa nolaka seluzinze nhlangothi zombili, hlala phansi nentombi yakho nixoxe ngokuthi ningahlukanisa kanjani izimpahla nezikweletu enihlangabezene nazo ngaphambi kokuthi nihambe niye ezindaweni ezahlukene. Ubani ozogcina indlu? Uzohamba ngokushesha kangakanani omunye umuntu? Ungathanda ukuvala i-akhawunti yasebhange? Imali yayizohlukaniswa kanjani? Njalo njalo
• Uma ukuhlukana bekungenakuthula, khona-ke indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza lokho ukuthola umuntu wesithathu ongathathi hlangothi njengomeluleki, umlamuli, noma umeluleki wezezimali ohililekile kule nqubo. Ngo Bonobology, sinephaneli elihle kakhulu labeluleki abaqeqeshiwe nabaqeqeshi bokuthandana abangakusiza ngalezi zinyathelo

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10. Badedele

Uma usicabangisisile kahle isinqumo sakho kunokuthi wenze endaweni ethinta imizwa, uzoba nokuthula nesinqumo sakho. Lokho kusho ukuthi awubuyeli emuva naphambili ukuthi wenze okufanele noma cha. Noma uzama ukuthethelela izenzo zakho kowakudala noma ngisho nakubangane bakho obathembayo. Noma uchitha ubusuku bokungalali uzishaya ngesinqumo sokuthi hlukana nentombazane oyithandayo (noma ethandwa). Manje, sekuyisikhathi sokuyeka. Nansi indlela:

• Zama ukungena esimisweni esisha ngemva kokuhlukana. Lokhu kuzosiza ekudedeleni isifiso sokufuna ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni obudala
• Khumbula ukuthi okwenziwe akukwazi ukuhlehliswa. Ngisho noma nizama ukubuyelana, awukwazi ukuqeda imifantu ebambekile ebudlelwaneni ngenxa yesinqumo sakho sokubuqeda.
• Sebenzisa isigaba sangemva kokuhlukana ukuze ugxile kuwena—ukwelapha kwakho, ukukhula kwakho

Okungafanele Ukwenze Uma Uhlukana Nentombi Yakho

Njengoba usukwazi ukuthi ungayitshela kanjani intombi yakho ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana, ake sixoxe ngokungafanele ukwenze. Isibonelo, i-ghosting ingenye yezindlela ezimbi kakhulu zokuqeda ubudlelwano. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhululekile noma ubucayi kangakanani, ngokuqinisekile akuyona indlela okufanele uhambe ngayo uma umgomo wakho uwukuthola ukuthi ungahlukana kanjani nomuntu. Nakuba indlela osondela ngayo engxoxweni yokuhlukana ihambisana kakhulu nezimo, kukhona okuyisisekelo ongakwenzi okufanele ukugweme ukuze wenze inqubo yokuqhubekela phambili ibe lula kuwena nowakwa-ex wakho. Nakhu okungafanele ukwenze uma ufuna ukwazi ukuthi uhlukana kanjani nentombi yakho ngendlela efanele:

1. Ningahlukani ngombhalo

Ngaphandle kwalapho unesizathu esihle kakhulu ngakho—ake uthi, intombi enenkinga yolaka ibeka engcupheni ukuphepha kwakho—akujabulisi hlukanani ngombhalo, i-imeyili, noma ucingo. Ngisho noma beniphola ngokunganaki noma benindawonye amasonto ambalwa, usamkweleta ingxoxo efanele. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma uzohlukana nentombi ekuthandayo.

Phakathi ku ucwaningo iphepha lika-Anthropologist u-Ilana Gershon, Ph.D., umfundi wasekolishi wabelane ngokuthi umbhalo wesoka lakhe oqeda ubuhlobo uhlanganisa umusho, “Angilungile empilweni.” Futhi owesilisa wachaza i-imeyili enemigqa emibili yomkakhe owayezoba ngumkakhe ememezela ukuthi ufuna isehlukaniso. Akuyona indlela engcono kakhulu yokuhlukana nozakwethu.

• Uma uke waba nobudlelwano besikhathi eside naye, ukumphika leyo ngxoxo yokugcina kungamphuca umuzwa wokuvala. Lokhu kuzokwenza kube nzima ukuthi aqhubekele phambili
• Ungase ucabange ukuthi ukudlulisa imizwa yakho ngomlayezo wombhalo kungase kube umqondo omuhle uma ubambana nale mpikiswano ethi “Ngifuna ukuhlukana nentombi yami kodwa ngiyayithanda”. Kodwa akunjalo. Akufanele athwale ubunzima besimo sakho somzwelo esididekile

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2. Ungamphefumuli

Enye ingxenye ebalulekile yokuthi ungahlukana kanjani nentombi yakho ngendlela efanele ayiyona isipoki. Ngaphandle kwalapho unesizathu esizwakalayo sokwenza kanjalo. Ukunyamalala ngokuthula ekuphileni kwakhe kungabhekwa njengokwamukelekayo kuphela uma enze okuthile, noma ekwazi ukwenza okuthile, okusongela inhlalakahle yakho engokomzimba noma engokwengqondo.

Ngokwesibonelo, yithi, usanda kuthola ukuthi intombi yakho ibikopela nomunye umuntu. Kungenzeka ukuthi uzwa ubuhlungu kakhulu ukuba nengxoxo yokugcina naye. Uma kunjalo, ukuphuma nje nokunyamalala empilweni yakhe kungase kube yilokho okudingeka ukwenze ukuze uzivikele. Futhi isinqumo se-ghost cishe silungile.

Kodwa uma i-ex yakho maduze ingenalo udlame noma umkhohlisi we-serial noma umgadli ongase abe khona, ghosting akukho-cha. Ngokunyamalala empilweni yakhe ngaphandle kwencazelo, umshiya egcwele imibuzo ingunaphakade. Angase aqhubekele phambili ekugcineni, kodwa ingxenye yakhe iyohlale izibuza ukuthi kwenzekeni.

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3. Ungakwenzi kube okomuntu siqu

Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungahlukana kanjani nentombi yakho ngendlela efanele, khumbula lokhu. Yazi umehluko phakathi kwezincazelo nezinsolo, futhi ukugweme lokhu kwakamuva. 

• Gwema izinkulumo ezinjengokuthi “Ngiyahlukana ngoba uyangicisha” noma “Akunakwenzeka ukujabula nomuntu okhwifa njengawe”
• Ngisho noma lezo zinto ziyiqiniso, kuyasiza ukungazisho ngokuzwakalayo. Qaphela ukuthi kungenzeka umephula inhliziyo ngesinqumo sakho. Asikho nje isidingo sokwengeza inhlamba ekulimaleni
• Uma uveza izizathu zakho zokuqeda ubuhlobo, kungcono ukusebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Mina” ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi akazizwa esolwa noma asolwa. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi "Akunakwenzeka ukujabula nomuntu okhala njengawe", ungathi, "Mina angisazizwa ngijabule kulobu budlelwano"

4. Ungacacisi

Uma usuthathe lesi sinqumo esinzima sokuhlukana no-gf yize umthanda, usuke wazi ukuthi kuzoba ngenye yezinto ezinzima ongakaze uzenze. Ikakhulukazi uma ufuna ukuhlukana nentombi yakho futhi ungayishiyi nemithwalo yemizwa. Ukuyiphatha ngendlela engcono kakhulu,  

• Qiniseka ukuthi ucacile futhi ufushane kumlayezo wakho. Ungadali ukudideka ngezitatimende ezinjengokuthi “Ngidinga isikhathi sokuphumula” noma “Kuzoba ngcono uma isikhathi eside singabonananga”
• Lezi zitatimende zingahunyushwa ngezindlela ezahlukene, hhayi zonke ezingafanela inhloso yakho. Angase akubone njengesidingo sesikhala esithile ebudlelwaneni noma isifiso sakho sokushaya inkinobho yokumisa okwesikhashana
• Uma kunjalo angase ahlale ethembeni lokuthi nizobuyelana uma sesiphelile lesi sigaba

5. Unganyakazi esinqumweni sakho

Lapho uhlukana nentombi ekuthandayo noma oyithandayo, imizwa ingaba ngcono kuwe. Angase akunxuse ukuthi ucabange kabusha isinqumo sakho. Ngenkathi nikhuluma ngobudlelwano benu, nobabili ningase niqale ukukhumbula izikhathi ezimnandi. Futhi lokho kungase kukwenze ube nomuzwa wokuthi ungakwazi ukuwenza usebenze. Qiniseka ukuthi awulahlekelwa umbono wakho,

• Iqiniso lokuthi yimizwa yakho efiphaza ukwahlulela kwakho. Ngisho noma nigcina nizama futhi noma ninquma ukuchitha isikhathi ninobabili, nizobuyela lapho enikhona ngemva kwamasonto ambalwa, uma kungezona izinsuku. Lokhu kungakushiya uvaleleke engozini phinda-off-futhi iphethini yobudlelwano
• Omunye wemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yokuhlukana ukuthi unganqumi ukuqeda ubudlelwano kalula, kodwa uma usukwenzile, ungahlehli.
• Zikhumbuze ukuthi kungani ukhethe ukunqamula ubudlelwano lapho isinqumo sakho sibonakala sintengantenga. Cela omunye umuntu, njengomngane, ukuthi akuhlole uma unenkinga yokuzikhumbuza

6. Ungathembisi ukuthi nizohlala ningabangane

Being abangani ne ex yomuntu ihlale iyinsimu ekhohlisayo. Ingase iqale kahle njengoba ivula umnyango wokuba leyo ngxenye yempilo yakho oyijwayele, eduduzayo ibuye, isuse noma yiziphi izibopho noma umthwalo. Kodwa maduzane, umona, ukucasuka, nezingxabano mayelana nokuthi bekuyiphutha likabani ukuthi ubudlelwano abuzange busebenze kwaqala ukukhulisa ikhanda labo elibi. Lapho lokho kwenzeka, akubona nje ubungane benu kuphela kodwa nezinkumbulo zenu zobuhlobo ziba zonakala unomphela. Khumbula,

• Ungase ufune ukuhlala ungabangane kodwa ugcine ubungane be-platonic ngemuva kokuthandana nomuntu ongavamile ukusebenza, uma kunjalo.
• Indlela yokuhlukana nentombi yakho idlulela ngalé kokumane uyidlulisele isinqumo sakho sokuqeda ubudlelwano ngendlela efanele
• Kufanele futhi uphathe imiphumela yobuhlungu benhliziyo ngokwanele ukuze ungavumeli ukuhlukana kuphenduke isiphithiphithi esiyinkimbinkimbi

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7. Ungabambeki ebudlelwaneni obuphinde buvele bungekho futhi

Ngemva kokuhlukana, kuzoba nezikhathi lapho uzithola usosizini lwesizungu futhi ungakwazi ukuyeka. ngicabanga nge ex yakho. Uma usuyiyekile, ungase udlule ezihlangwini zokuzisola. Uma lokho kwenzeka, kubaluleke kakhulu kunangaphambili ukuthi uzikhumbuze ngokuqaphela izizathu zokuthi kungenzeki phakathi kwenu nobabili. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ugweme ogibeni lobudlelwano obukhona-futhi-obukhona, obungeyona into engaphezu kwesiphithiphithi esinobuthi obuzonilimaza nobabili.

• Uma uzithola ungabaza ukuthi bekuyisinqumo esifanele noma cha, zama ukuzithikameza ngokwenza into oyithandayo futhi ubone lowo muzwa wokuzethemba uncipha.
• Ngisho noma unomuzwa wokuthi wenze ngokuxhamazela, ukubuyela emuva kungase kungabi umqondo omuhle kakhulu ngoba ngisho noma ungakwazi ukukubacindezela, kuhlale kunezizathu zokudonsa ipulaki ebudlelwaneni.
• Thatha isikhathi sokuphulukisa, chitha isikhathi nawe, bese ugxila ekuqhubekeleni phambili

8. Ungathumeli noma uphendule imiyalezo ethinta inhliziyo

Kungenzeka ukuthi unqume ukunqamula bonke ubuhlobo ngemva kokuhlukana futhi kungenzeka ukuthi owakwakho naye usevumile. Kodwa ukulandela lokho kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Amadoda ngemva kokuhlukana ukuthole kunzima kakhulu ukubhekana nesizungu. 

• Ezikhathini zakho ezibuthakathaka, ungathumeli inqwaba yemiyalezo ethinta imizwa noma amavoyisimeyili ku-ex yakho
• Ungadaki uwashayele
• Uma i-ex yakho yenza noma iyiphi yalezi zinto, ungaphenduli. Kungase kuzwakale kubuhlungu okwamanje kodwa kuzosiza ukudlulisa umlayezo wokuthi ngempela usuqedile ngobudlelwano

9. Ungenzi ngamawala

Uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Ngihlukane kanjani nentombi yami?”, khona-ke umthetho owodwa obalulekile wokungenzi lutho ngamawala. Yenza isinqumo kuphela lapho usuhlaziye ngomoya ophansi ubuhle nobubi bokuhlukana. Ukwenza izinto ngamawala kukubeka engcupheni yokuthatha izinqumo ungase uzisole kamuva.

• Uma uhlukana nomuntu osanda kuqala ukuthandana naye, cabanga ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukulungisa izinkinga zakho, futhi wakhe ubuhlobo obuqinile.
• Uma ninobudlelwano besikhathi eside, cabangani ngemiphumela engaba nayo ezimpilweni zenu nobabili
• Uma unamathele ezimpambanweni zendlela “Ngidinga ukwehlukana nentombi yami kodwa ngiyayithanda,” cabanga kakhulu ngokuthi uqinisekile ngokubuqeda noma cha.

10. Ungadlali ngokushesha futhi ukhululeke ngemizwa yakhe

Kwesinye isikhathi umtshele ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana, bese umqabula ngokulandelayo. Noma niqhubeka nokuziphatha sengathi nisahlangene kudala nahlukana. Izindlela ezinjalo zokuziphatha ezingalungile zenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle.

• Uma ususithathile isinqumo sokuqeda ubudlelwano, ungadlali ngokushesha futhi ukhululeke ngemizwa yakhe
• Kubalulekile ukuthi uhlale ulawula imizwa yakho
• Ukuthi uyamkhumbula ngelinye ilanga akwenzi kulunge ukuthi uvele emnyango wakhe, ulindele ukuthi azokuhlekisa.

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11. Ungalali naye

Okungafanele ukwenze ngemva kokuhlukana? Noma yini oyenzayo, ungalali nentombi yakho ngemva kokuyilahla. Lona ngomunye wemithetho ephulayo ehlala ingaxoxiswana, kungakhathaliseki izimo noma izizathu zesinqumo.

• Ukulala ne-ex kuwumqondo ohehayo kodwa omubi. Ukwenze kanye, uzofuna ukukwenza futhi. Khona-ke, omunye wenu uzofuna okwengeziwe kodwa omunye angase angalungi
• Ubuhlungu nolaka enaphila kulo nobabili ngesikhathi nithatha isinqumo sokuhlukana nizokhula kakhulu, kube nemizwa yokudideka nokukhaphela okuphonswe kule ngxubevange.
• Impendulo elula yokuthi ungaziqeda kanjani izinto nentombi oyithandayo ukuthi kufanele ucace, ube mfushane, futhi ucishe umtholampilo endleleni yakho.
• Nakuba kufanele uyicabangele imizwa yakhe, awukwazi ukuvumela imizwa yenza buthaka ukuzimisela kwakho noma ifiphaze ukwahlulela kwakho

Njengobudlelwano, konke ukuhlukana kuhlukile. Indlela efanele, umzuzu, kanye nesikhathi sokuveza ukuthi awusenaso isithakazelo ekuphishekeleni ubuhlobo kuncike ezimweni zakho. Uhlobo lokuxhumana owabelana ngalo nentombi yakho kanye nezizathu zakho zokuhlukana—konke kunendima ekunqumeni ukuthi kufanele uyidonse kanjani futhi nini ipulaki. Futhi uma uthatha isinqumo sokuqeda izinto, qiniseka ukuthi uhlala kuleyo ndlela.

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