Ingabe Ubudlelwano Be-Rebound Buke Busebenze?

Ukubhekana nosizi lobuhlobo obudlule akuhlukile kakhulu ekubhekaneni nokulahlekelwa othandekayo. Kungazizwa okufanayo ngempela. Uma ubuhlobo buphela, udlula ezigabeni eziyisikhombisa zosizi, ngisho noma kunguwe odonse ipulaki. Ngokushesha noma kamuva, kufanele ubhekane nesikhala esivulekile empilweni yakho futhi uzizwe isidingo sokusigcwalisa ngobuhlobo obusha. Ukuxokozela, ukuhlangana nje okungajwayelekile, ubudlelwano besikhashana ngemva kwesehlukaniso, noma ubudlelwano obungenawo amalebula - noma yini engadambisa ubuhlungu benhliziyo ibonakala iwumqondo omuhle. Kodwa-ke, ngaphambi kokuthi ungene, thatha isikhashana ukubuza, "Ingabe ubudlelwano obuphindiwe buyasebenza?"

Ukugxumela ebudlelwaneni obushesha kakhulu, ukugxumela kobusha ngaphambi kokuba udabuke futhi unqobe ngempela umthwalo wesikhathi esidlule yilokho okuvame ukubizwa ngokuthi ukuvuselela ubuhlobo. Futhi into embi kakhulu mayelana nalokhu kulungiswa kwesikhashana ukuthi akugcini nje ngokuhluleka ekudambiseni ubuhlungu bokuhlukana kwangaphambilini, kodwa futhi kuletha ubuhlungu obuningi ngenxa yokuba nomuntu ongase ungatshalwanga kuye ngokomzwelo, kanye nokuphela kokuphela kwalokho ukuxhumana.

Naphezu kokwazi isiphetho lapho ubudlelwano obuningi bokubuyela emuva buhlangana khona, kungaba nzima ukumelana nesilingo uma uzizwa ugcwele ubuhlungu bokuphuka kwenhliziyo. Ukusabalala kwalolu budlelwano kuphakamisa umbuzo - ingabe lobu budlelwano buyasebenza, isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana kubhekwa njengokubuyela emuva, futhi ngokuvamile kwenzekani lapho ubudlelwano bokubuyela emuva buphela? Kulesi sihloko, u-Anushtha Mishra (MSc. Counseling Psychology) ochwepheshe kwezehlakalo ezibuhlungu, ubudlelwano, ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, usizi, kanye nesizungu, usisiza ukuthola izimpendulo zalokhu.

Liyini Isilinganiso Sempumelelo Yobudlelwano Be-Rebound?

Nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi azikho izibalo ezingabikezela ngokunembile ikusasa lanoma yiluphi ubudlelwano noma ukuthi ukubuya kwesibili ngemva kokuhlukana kuyasebenza ngempela, ucwaningo olwenziwe ukuqonda isayensi yezengqondo yobudlelwano bokubuyela kwesibili lunikeza ukuqonda okuthile ngemikhuba yabantu kanye nokuziphatha ezimweni ezinjalo. Uma usanda kuphuma ebudlelwaneni, imibuzo efana nokuthi ubudlelwano bokubuyela kwesibili buyasebenza yini, yiziphi izigaba zobudlelwano bokubuyela kwesibili , noma ukuthi ubudlelwano bokubuyela kwesibili buhlala isikhathi esingakanani ngokwesilinganiso, ayisekelwe ebufakazini.

Kungokwemvelo ukuthi ufune isiphephelo ekuqinisekeni kwezibalo nezibalo ukuze uvikele inhliziyo yakho esivele inesikhumba, ukuwela phezulu komunye umuntu omusha. Ngakho-ke, ubudlelwano be-rebound busebenza kangaki? Hhayi-ke, izibalo zezinga lempumelelo lobudlelwano obuphindisela emuva azikhuthazi.

• Ingabe ubudlelwano be-rebound buyasebenza? Ucwaningo kubonisa ukuthi u-90% wobudlelwane obubuyela emuva buphela phakathi nezinyanga ezintathu
• Buhlala isikhathi esingakanani ubuhlobo obuphakathi? Ngokombiko othile umthombo, bahlala phakathi kwenyanga eyodwa nonyaka, okwenza kudlule isikhathi sokuthatheka noma isigaba se-honeymoon esivame ukuqala ezinyangeni ezimbili zokuqala zokuthandana
• Bangakusiza ukuthi unqobe othile? Nakhu ucwaningo ukusekela ingxabano yokuthi i-rebounds isiza abantu ukuthi baqede ukuhlukana ngokushesha kunalabo ababhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo bebodwa

Ngakho-ke kusibuyisela ekubuzeni imibuzo eminingi mayelana nokuthi ukugijimela ebudlelwaneni kuyindlela efanele yokuqala inqubo yokuphulukisa noma ngabe ingenye yezimpawu ezibomvu. Njenganoma iyiphi enye ingxenye yokusebenzelana kwabantu nobudlelwano, impendulo yokuthi ubudlelwano obuphindiwe buyasebenza nayo iyinkimbinkimbi futhi inezici eziningi. Impendulo elula ngezinye izikhathi, yebo, futhi ngokuvamile, cha. Kodwa kufanele sibheke isizathu sakho kokubili. Ake sibone ukuthi ubudlelwano be-rebound busebenza nini futhi abusebenzi nini.

Lapho Busebenza Ubudlelwano Be-Rebound

Ngakho-ke, inhliziyo yakho iphukile, umkhumbula kakhulu owayethandana naye , bese kufika lo muntu omuhle ofuna ukukunika ukunaka nothando futhi akukhumbuze ukuthi kunjani ukuqala okusha. Ulingeka ukuthola ubuhlobo obusha ngemva kobudlelwano besikhathi eside. Isisho esithi, “Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuhlukana nomuntu ukuhlukana nomunye umuntu!”, sizwakala ekhanda lakho kulesi sigaba.

Manje ubuza ngokusemthethweni, “Kufanele uhlale isikhathi esingakanani ungashadile ngemva kokuhlukana?” futhi awucabangi ngisho nanoma yiziphi izingozi ezingalethwa ubudlelwano bakho obuphindiwe noma obuphindiwe. Ufuna nje ukungena kulento, kuvutha izibhamu. Wena, mngane wami, usuzobopha futhi ubophe kanzima ngalo muntu omusha

Ngaphambi kokwenza kanjalo, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuzindla ngalo mbuzo: Ingabe ukuphindaphinda ngemva kokuhlukana kuke kusebenze? Nakuba kunobufakazi obanele bokusekela ukuthi ubuhlobo obuseduze buvame ukuphahlazeka futhi bushise njengomkhumbi-mkhathi olahliwe, ingabe bukhona ubufakazi obubonisa okunye? Ake sicwilise kuyo ukuze sithole.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Okufanele Uzicabangele Ngaphambi Kokuthi Uqale Ukuthandana Futhi Ngemva Kokuhlukana

1. Uthola ukwesekwa ukuze ubhekane nobuhlungu benhliziyo

Ucwaningo olusha emkhakheni we-rebound relationship psychology luthi lobu budlelwano bungase busebenze ngoba bungaba usizo njengendlela yokubhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo nokuqhubekela phambili ebuhlotsheni obusha. Lobu budlelwano, noma ngabe budlula ngokushesha, bungaba umthombo wamandla nenduduzo yokwanelisa izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo, ngesikhathi esinzima. Bungakusiza ukuthi unqobe umlingani wakho ngokukhulisa ukuzethemba kwakho futhi bukuqinisekise ngamathuba okuthola uthando futhi.

2. Bakulethela induduzo yokusondelana

Kungani ubudlelwano obuthile busebenza? Kungenxa yalesi sizathu. Enye yezinto abantu abayikhumbula kakhulu ngokuba sebudlelwaneni ukusondelana ngokomzimba. Ukuba nothile ongabambelela kuye futhi abize owakho, ukuba wedwa kungaba nzima. Lapho abantu ababili besebudlelwaneni obubuyela emuva, bathola umuntu ozovala isikhala esishiywe umlingani wabo wangaphambili. Ukuzizwa ungento yalutho ngemva kokuhlukana kungazelelwe kungadla yonke into futhi ukuyeka ukuzizwa ngaleyo ndlela, ungase uzithole usudakiwe udansa endaweni yokucima ukoma unethemba lokuhlangana nothile.

Nakuba kungekho lutho olungalungile ngalokho, kusenguwe ofuna ukubuyela emuva ukuze uzizwe usondelene. Ungase ungathandi ukubiza ubuhlobo nalowo muntu kodwa uthola umuntu ozokugcina useduze. Lokho ngokwako kuyimizwa emihle kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma usabhekene nokulahlekelwa ukuhlukana. Kungakushiya uzibuza, “Ingabe ubuhlobo obubuyela emuva noma yinto yangempela?”

U-Maria, umklami wangaphakathi oneminyaka engu-29 ubudala, oye waba nokuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo, uyahlanganyela, "Ngangiyintombazane ebuyela emuva kuye (wakhetha ukuphuma nami ngenxa ye-ex yakhe eyaqala ukuphola izinyanga ezi-3 ngemuva kokwehlukana) cishe iminyaka emine. I-chemistry yocansi phakathi kwethu yayivutha futhi lokho kwangenza ngahlala.

3. Uthola umaqondana ozoncika kuye

Ukubuyela emuva akuyona indlela yokwakha ubudlelwano obusha obuhlala njalo. Kodwa okwesikhashana, ucabanga ukuthi unomlingani ongakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nesikhathi esinzima obhekene naso. Ngisho noma kungafanele uzame ukuphatha ukubuyela emuva kwakho njengomeluleki wakho, ukuba nomuntu ongabelana naye ngemizwa yakho futhi ube nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo kuyasiza impela.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ikhala kubo ngemva komsebenzi noma nje ukuthola slushies futhi uhlezi endaweni yokupaka, abantu bathola ukuthi ubuhlobo rebound kungaba ngempela ukubalethela induduzo enkulu ngisho noma sekudlule izinyanga ezimbalwa kusukela ukuhlukana. Futhi, ngaphandle uma kuwubudlelwano babo bokuqala (ouch!), umlingani wakho uzoba nokuqonda ngemizwa yangemva kokuhlukana futhi angakunikeza ukwesekwa lapho ukudinga kakhulu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungadlula Kanjani Ekuhlukaneni Uwedwa?

4. Utshalwa ebudlelwaneni

Ubuhlobo nomuntu omusha bungaba yisiphazamiso esihle, futhi bungase bube ubudlelwano besikhathi eside ekugcineni. Bungase bube bungavamile - empeleni, bungavamile kakhulu kodwa ubudlelwano bokubuyela emuva bungasebenza isikhathi eside uma ufuna. Kodwa lokho kwenzeka kuphela uma usungene ngokomzwelo kumlingani omusha futhi udlula kuzo zonke izigaba zobudlelwano bokubuyela emuva ndawonye.

Ingabe ama-rebound akwenza ukhumbule i-ex yakho kakhulu? Zinike isikhathi esanele sokuzindla ngalokhu futhi uma impendulo yalo mbuzo ingucha, unesithako sokuqala esibalulekile sokwenza ukuphindaphinda kuphumelele ngokunamathiselwe kwemizwa kwangempela. Izimpawu ezimbalwa ongazibheka kuwena ukuze uzihlole yilezi,

• Ubeka phambili ubudlelwano
• Uzizwa unelisekile
• Nobabili nithuthukise amazinga athile okuthembana
• Kukhona ukukhula komuntu siqu

Kancane kancane, ungakha ubuhlobo obuqinile, obuhlala njalo kulesi sisekelo.

Lapho I-Rebound Ubudlelwano Abusebenzi

Izinga lempumelelo yobudlelwano obuphindiwe lincane kodwa alikho. Zikhona ngesizathu, futhi ukuze zifeze inhloso yazo, kumele ziphathwe ngomoya nangendlela efanele. Ngakho-ke, yimaphi amatshe angukhiye we-rebound angakusiza ukuthi uhambe ngomkhumbi?

• Ukuthembeka 
• Sula imingcele
• Ukulindela okungokoqobo
• Ukuhloniphana

Kodwa uma ibhalansi ethambile yalezi zakhi iphuma ngefasitela, iba ngesinye sezizathu zokuthi kungani ubudlelwano obuphindiwe bungasebenzi. Kulapho-ke okumele uqale khona ukucabangisisa ngobungozi bobudlelwano bokubuyela emuva. Nazi ezinye izimo lapho ubudlelwano obuboshiwe bungasebenzi:

1. Awunabulungisa

Ubudlelwano obusha bungaba isipiliyoni esihle, kunjalo ngempela. Kungakusiza uphulukise futhi uzizwe uphelele futhi. Kungase kukwenze ukholelwe othandweni futhi! Kodwa konke lokho kungenzeka kuphela uma kuyilokho okufuna ngempela. Ingabe ama-rebound akwenza ukhumbule i-ex yakho kakhulu? Iningi labantu liwuphendula lo mbuzo ngendlela eqinisekisayo. Lokho kukodwa kuwuphawu lokuthi awukadluli ex yakho futhi cishe awufuni ukuba phezu kwabo. Kulesi simo, awuziphathi kahle wena nozakwenu omusha.

UJohn, owayethandana kakhulu nentombi yakhe yezinyanga ezimbili uthole kamuva nje ukuthi akakadluli ngobudlelwano bakhe bangaphambilini futhi usenqume ukunqamula ubuhlobo naye. Ngokuphoxeka uthi, “Ngangiwumfana futhi ngalahlwa. Kwakungafaneleki kimi futhi kwathinta ukuzethemba kwami. Akudingekile ukusho, lezi zimo ziholela ezinkingeni eziningi lapho ukuphindaphinda kwakho kungeke kukwazi ukubhekana nesimo sezulu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-8 Zokulungisa Ubuhlobo Obuphukile Nesoka Lakho

2. Uveza izinkinga ezidlule

Ingabe ubudlelwano bokubuyela emuva bukusiza ukuthi uqhubekele phambili? Ingabe ubudlelwano bokubuyela emuva buyasebenza? Hhayi-ke, uma ungena ebudlelwaneni ngokushesha kakhulu uthwele umthwalo wesikhathi sakho esidlule , futhi ungakwazi ukuyeka ukubikezela izinkinga zakho nowake wathandana naye kumlingani wakho wamanje. Lokhu ngokuqinisekile kungenye yezigaba eziyisithupha zokukhula kwenkawu futhi kubhekwa njengenye yezimpawu ezinkulu ebuhlotsheni.

Ukwenza i-rebound isebenze ngempela, kufanele uzikhulule ekuxhakathisweni kwesikhathi sakho esidlule. Futhi lokho kuvame ukuba nzima ukukwenza lapho ungazange ubhekane nobuhlungu obungokomzwelo bokuhlukana. Ezinye izimpawu zokuthi uveza izinkinga ezedlule kumlingani wakho yilezi,

• Ukugxumela eziphethweni
• Ukusabela ngokweqile
• Ngokuvamile ukuqhathanisa
• Amaphethini aphindayo

Njengoba usanda kuphuma ebuhlotsheni futhi ungathathi ngisho nesikhathi esifanele sokuphulukisa kubo, kuyinselele ikakhulukazi ukungavumeli isipiliyoni sakho sangaphambilini silimaza ubuhlobo bakho bamanje. Kungakho, kwelulekwa ukuthi noma usebudlelwaneni obuphindelelayo, uzame ukubuthatha kancane. Asikho isidingo sokuqala ukuthi “ngiyakuthanda” ngokushesha noma nihlangane nabazali bomunye nomunye. Uma kungenjalo, kungase kube inhlekelele elindele ukuvela.

3. Esinye sezizathu ezenza ubudlelwano obuphindiwe bungasebenzi ukuthi uhamba ngokushesha kakhulu

Niyahlukana nithole umaqondana, niqale nithandane, nizibophezele, nibe yi exclusive futhi ningakazi, nicabanga ngekusasa lakho nalomuntu. Uma i-rebound iqhubekela phambili ngesivinini esinjalo, lapho uphuthuma khona ebudlelwaneni futhi ugxume usuka kobunye ubudlelwano uye kobunye, nakanjani uzophahlazeka futhi ushise ngesikhathi esithile.

Kuleli qophelo, esikhundleni sokuzibuza, "Ingabe ubudlelwano obuphindiwe buyasebenza?" noma “Ingabe abafana bashada intombazane ephindelelayo noma ngokuphambene nalokho?”, udinga ukuzibuza ukuthi kungani utshuza uqonde lapho ungaphezu kwe-ex yakho. Uma usuka ngokushesha ebuhlotsheni obubodwa uye ebuhlotsheni obusha, umthwalo uyachitheka.

Uma lokho kwenzeka, ubudlelwano bokubuyela emuva buzophela. Ngisho noma ungena ekubuyeleni emuva, zinike isikhathi sokuxazulula imizwa yakho yangaphambilini futhi ulungiselele ikusasa ngaphambi kokuthatha noma yiziphi izinyathelo ezingazinzile, owaziyo ukuthi ngeke ukwazi ukuzibophezela kuzo noma kunjalo.

4. Ufuna ozongena esikhundleni

Umlingani wakho omusha akayena ozothatha indawo yowakwakho. Futhi ngeke aphinde abe njalo. Ubudlelwano bokubuyela emuva buzophula inhliziyo yakho nakakhulu uma ufuna ozothatha indawo yowakwakho esikhundleni somlingani ozoqala naye uhambo olusha. Uma uhlala uqhathanisa ubudlelwano bakho bamanje nowakwakho wokugcina, umlingani wakho wamanje nowakwakho wangaphambilini, futhi uhlola amabhokisi lapho omunye ephumelela khona kunomunye, khona-ke awukakulungeli ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano obuphukile futhi ukubuyela emuva kuzoba okwesikhashana.

Ngenxa yalokhu, abantu abaningi baze bazithole besebudlelwaneni obuphindiwe, bezilimaza futhi benza amaphutha afanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe. Uma ujwayele ukwenza lokho, mhlawumbe yisikhathi sokuhlehla futhi ubuyekeze lokho okufunayo empilweni yakho. Ubudlelwano obubuyela emuva bungase bukulethele injabulo edlulayo kodwa uma ufuna ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo, noma ubudlelwano obunzima, lokhu akuyona impendulo. Ukubhekana nemizwa yakho yikho okukubeka enqubweni yokwelapha.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindaba Ezi-5 Ezishaqisayo Zobudlelwano Obubuyela Emuva Okufanele Uzifunde

Kwenzekani Lapho Ubudlelwano Be-Rebound Buphela?

Lapho ubudlelwano be-rebound bufika kuma kungazelelwe futhi kungazelelwe ngemva nje kwezinyanga ezimbalwa ngenxa yezizathu ezishiwo ngenhla, uzithola udidekile isikhashana bese ufinyelela kubhavu ka-ayisikhilimu ukuze ukhale ngokuhlukana kwakho kwesibili ezinyangeni eziyisithupha. Yebo, kuzwakala kunokhahlo kodwa lokho kuyiqiniso impela. U-Cinderella ubuyile ebholeni, wangena emijahweni yakhe, futhi uyakhala embhedeni wakhe ngoba inganekwane yobudlelwane obuphelele isiphelile. Ubuyela eqinisweni futhi uzibuze, "Buhlala isikhathi esingakanani ubudlelwano obuphindiwe ngokwesilinganiso?", Futhi uphetha, akukabi isikhathi eside ngokwanele.

Kuyadabukisa, kunjalo ngempela, kodwa manje yisikhathi lapho ekugcineni uqaphela ukuthi mhlawumbe ubuzikhohlisa sonke lesi sikhathi. Ubufuna ngempela ukuba nalo muntu? Noma wathatheka ebumnandini bakho konke? Cishe eyakamuva. Futhi yilokho okubuhlungu kakhulu lapho ubudlelwano be-rebound sebuphelile. Ukuthi ubuziqambela amanga esikhundleni sokubhekana nemizwa yakho ngokweqiniso nangokwakhayo.

Amanye ama-rebound afushane futhi adlula ngokushesha kanti amanye angakunika ubudlelwano bakho obude nobuqinile. Ngakho-ke ingabe ubudlelwano be-rebound buyasebenza? Kuphela uma unenhlanhla enkulu. Abantu abaningi bagcina belimele futhi ama-akhawunti amaningi e-Instagram ayavinjelwa kule nqubo. Uma ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima sokuqonda ukuthi ungadlula kanjani ekudabukeni kwenhliziyo bese uqhubeka, kuhlale kusiza kakhulu ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kudokotela wezokwelapha. Ngenhlanhla kuwe, iphaneli yabeluleki abanekhono le-Bonobology iseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

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