Ngiyayizonda I-Ex Yami: Izizathu eziyi-13 zokuthi Kulungile Namathiphu Okuqhubekela Phambili

“Ngiyayizonda i-ex yami!” - umuzwa obuhlungu, okhungathekisayo, nobuhlungu sonke esike saba nawo okungenani kanye ezimpilweni zethu. Futhi akukho lutho olungalungile ngokudlula kulo mzwelo ikakhulukazi uma ukuhlukana bekukubi. Siyakuzwa — Ex yakho yakuphula inhliziyo. Babhidliza umbono owawunawo wekusasa eliphelele. Mhlawumbe indlu. Izingane ezimbili ezinhle nezinyane lekati elilala impilo yalo kude. Ukuhamba emhlabeni ngemva kokuthatha umhlalaphansi, nokuguga ndawonye. 

Manje, isibikezelo sakho sekusasa sichotshozwe kwabalimazayo ngoba umuntu oyedwa wakhetha ukuba nobugovu. Nokho, inzondo egxilile, ukucasuka, nemizwelo engemihle ngeke kushintshe okwedlule futhi ngeke kukusize ekuqhubekeleni phambili. Kulungile ukuzonda i-ex yakho bese udedela esedlule ngobuchule. Ake sixoxe.

Ingabe Kujwayelekile Ukuzonda I-Ex Yakho?

UNat, umhlengikazi oneminyaka engu-28 waseMichigan, uthi, “Ngiyamzonda owayengithandana naye ngokungilahla. Ungumuntu owayengibukela phansi njalo, enginika isikhathi esinzima, futhi engenza ngizizwe ngingafaneleki. Ngisho nangemva kokuhlukana , waqhubeka nokusakaza amahlebezi futhi ezama ukonakalisa idumela lami. Bekufanele ngabe yimina ohlukane naye esikhundleni salokho. Nginomuzwa onamandla wokuthi lolu sizi ngeke lungishiye maduze. Futhi ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi ngeke ngimthethelele, nanini.”

Uma ubhekene nemizwa efanayo nekaNat, khona-ke kuyinto evamile futhi eyiqiniso. Uzwa ubuhlungu, ngakho-ke intukuthelo yakho ingokwemvelo. KULUNGILE ukuzonda owayeshade naye. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi imizwa emibi, okuhlanganisa inzondo nentukuthelo, ivame kakhulu ngemva kokuhlukana. Intukuthelo ingenye yemizwa evame kakhulu ebikwa ngabantu ngemva kokuhlukana kothando.

Izizathu eziyi-13 zokuthi Kulungile Ukuzizwa “Ngiyayizonda I-Ex Yami”

Kungase kube nezinto ezimbalwa abazenzayo ukukulimaza ezigcine sezigcwele inzondo ejulile noma into eyodwa enkulu engamukelekile abayenza ukuze baphule ukwethenjwa kwakho. Uma ungakwazi ukukhomba isizathu esiqondile sokuthi uzonde i-ex yakho, skrolela phansi bese uzama ukuthola ukuthi kungaba yini: 

1. Ukukhashelwa nokulahlekelwa ukwethenjwa 

Ngikhumbula ngimemeza ngithi “Ngiyamzonda kakhulu owayengithandana naye!” lapho ngithola ukuthi wayengikhohlisa . Eminyakeni eminingi kamuva, kusangithukuthelisa. Uma ubhekene nemizwa efanayo emibi, makwazeke ukuthi akukho lutho olubi ngokuba nenzondo enkulu ngaye; ngoba baphule isisekelo sothando - UKUTHEMBEKA. Ubudlelwano buqala futhi buphela ngokuthembana.

Inika amandla ukuzethemba nokuqondana, futhi ikwenza ufune ukuthembela kulowo muntu. Kwakha ukuxhumana lapho uzizwa uphephile lapho unabo. Akulula ukuxolela futhi ukhohlwe lapho bephazamisa ukholo lwakho kubo. Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezimbi kakhulu umuntu angahlangabezana nazo futhi ngethemba ukuthi uzodlula. Kodwa okwamanje, lesi yisizathu esizwakalayo sokungathandi i-ex yakho.

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2. Ukungahlonishwa kuletha imizwa eminingi engemihle

Ubudlelwano obunempilo bakhelwe phezu kwenhlonipho egeleza nhlangothi zombili. Ungase uzizwe unenzondo nge-ex yakho uma behlala bekudelela futhi bezama ukukudicilela phansi ngasese naphambi kwabanye. Ukuzonda i-ex yakho nokukhuthaza le mizwa engemihle kuyaqondakala ngokuphelele kuleso simo. Ezinye zezimpawu ezijwayelekile zokungahloniphi zihlanganisa:

• Ukungahloniphi imibono yakho 
• Ukungabuzi imicabango yakho ngesikhathi sokwenza izinqumo 
• Ngokuvamile ukukugxeka nokukuthuka 
• Ukukuthatha kalula
• Ukukuqhathanisa ne-ex yabo noma omunye umuntu
• Ukungayekethisi nhlobo
• Ukubheka imigomo yabo, umsebenzi, namaphupho njengokubaluleke kakhulu kuneyakho 

3. Ukuziphatha kabi kwe-ex yakho kungakwenza umzonde

Ukuhlukumeza kungenzeka nganoma yiluphi uhlobo: ngokwengqondo, ngokomzimba, ngokwezimali, nangokwezwi. Uma noma iyiphi yalezi zinto yenzeka ebuhlotsheni bakho obudlule, kufanele ubonge ukuthi uphumile esigabeni esinobuthi obunjalo. Ukuzonda i-ex yakho kulesi simo kunengqondo. Noma ubani endaweni yakho angenza okufanayo. Akudingeki uziphoqe ukuze udlule kuzo, kufanele uzikhathalele kakhulu. 

Lapho umsebenzisi we-Reddit exoxa ngendaba yakhe yokuzonda owayeshade naye owayehlukumeza, umsebenzisi waphendula wathi, “Owayeshade naye wayehlukumeza kakhulu, futhi kwangithatha isikhathi eside ukuba ngimkhohlwe. Ngisho nangemva kobudlelwano, wayengisebenzisa futhi angigcine njengomuntu oxhumana naye eceleni ngenkathi ezenza sengathi uyangikhathalela. Zibuke esibukweni. Zikhumbuze ukuthi uyikho konke okungakuvimbela ekubeni ungenzi okungcono kakhulu. Ngisho noma ungakholelwa ukuthi ufanelwe okungcono kunaye, ngokuqinisekile awufanelwe ngumuntu okuphatha njengomuntu ophelele.”

4. Ukukhwabanisa nokukhanyisa igesi

Kokubili imisho ekhanyisa umoya kanye nokukhohlisa kunganciphisa kancane kancane ukuzethemba komuntu kanye nokuzethemba. Ngokuhlala ubuza imicabango yakhe, imizwa yakhe, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe, isisulu singase siqale ukungabaza ukwahlulela kwakhe futhi silahlekelwe ukwethemba imibono yaso. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma ulawula umuntu njalo, ulimaza umuzwa wakhe wokuzimela kanye negunya lokuzikhethela. Kungamenza azizwe elawulwa, ephoqelekile, noma ethonywe ngokumelene nezifiso zakhe noma izintshisekelo zakhe ezinhle.

Uma ubuza, "Kungani ngizonda i-ex yami kangaka?" mhlawumbe yingoba bakubeke ebuhlungwini obungaka. Womabili la maqhinga ahlakaniphile futhi anobuhlakani ngoba a) abenzi bobubi banobuqili ngokwedlulele futhi bayakwazi ukufihla ubuthi babo, b) uyimpumputhe othandweni kangangokuthi ugxila kuphela ohlangothini lwabo oluhle noma uqhubeka nokubaxolela. Lapho isigaba se-honeymoon sifiphala futhi ekugcineni ubona isithombe sabo sangempela, singaphenduka esinye isizathu sokuzonda i-ex yakho. 

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5. Ukuntuleka kokuziphendulela 

UJohn, umdwebi wamapulani oneminyaka engu-32 ubudala waseNew York, uthi, “Ngiyamzonda lowo engangithandana naye ngokungikhohlisa nokungichithela isikhathi. 

Uma ubhekene nemizwa enjalo emibi, khona-ke udinga ukwamukela ukuthi abantu abanjalo bavame ukuba ngabantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza futhi abasoze bathatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zabo ezimbi. Ngokusho kocwaningo , lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo kuzodinga ukuthi babhekane nokushiyeka kwabo, okungaba yingozi esithombeni sabo. Kuyindlela yokuzivikela yokuvikela ubugovu babo obubuthakathaka.

6. Ukuntuleka kokuvala 

Kuyinto eyodwa ukuqhubeka kodwa umdlalo webhola ohluke ngokuphelele ukuqhubeka ngaphandle kokuvala . Kuyadabukisa inhliziyo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuzonda owayeshade naye akugcini nje ngokuba yindlela yokubhekana nesimo kodwa futhi kukunikeza ugqozi lokuqhubeka. Hlala wazi ukuthi lokhu kuyibuhlungu besikhashana okudingeka ubhekane nabo, ngaphandle kokubangela ukulimala okungapheli empilweni yakho yengqondo. Nazi ezinye izindlela ongaqala ngazo ukuzinakekela:

• Qonda ukuthi ukubhekana nokudabuka kanye nokuvalwa kuqala kuwena. Ingxoxo yokugcina no-ex wakho ngeke iguqule lutho
• Yamukela ukuthi udinga ukuba nesineke uma ufuna ukudlula le mizwa engemihle nge-ex yakho
• Ungasoli futhi ubambe imizwa engemihle kuwena 
• Bhala umyalezo we-ex yakho kodwa ungawuthumeli
• Zama ukugxila kumanje wakho 

7. Baqhubekela phambili ngokushesha 

Ingabe owayethandana naye useqalile ukuya ocansini? Ingabe sebeqalile ukuthumela izithombe zomlingani wabo omusha ezinkundleni zokuxhumana? Uma kunjalo, khona-ke leso yisimo lapho ukuzonda owayethandana naye kulula khona kubantu. Intukuthelo nokudabuka kuyafaneleka lapha. Kodwa okokuqala, ingabe ucasukile ngokuthi owayethandana naye wasuka ngokushesha kuwe noma unomona wokuthi wasuka ngaphambi kokuba wena ukwazi? Uzonqoba le mizwa emibi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngokuphulukiswa, ngokuqonda okudingayo, ngokulila. Ukuthola umlingani omuhle nokuxhumana kabusha nabangani kuzosiza futhi.

8. Ukuxhashazwa ngokwezimali 

Umsebenzisi we-Reddit uxoxa ngendaba yakhe yokuthi baxhashazwa kanjani ngokwezimali ngowayengumlingani wakhe, “Waqala ngokungintshontshela imali. Kancane kancane, wangenza ngacabanga ukuthi ngiyilahlekile. Wabe esesebenzisa “ikhadi lami lesikweletu le-credit for emergency” umama alikhokhela ngakho lakhishwa. Wabe esekhipha imali e-akhawuntini yami yasebhange. Lapho sishada, i-akhawunti yasebhange yayingeyakhe kuphela. Ngangingenakho ukufinyelela kuyo. Kwakungekho masheke, kwakungekho ikhadi ledebithi.

“Ngesikhathi ngisebenza, wangiphuca iholo lami, ngakho ngayeka ukusebenza ngoba kwakusiza ngani, wabe esefaka ama-akhawunti egameni lami futhi akazange akhokhe izikweletu, ngakho ngangingenamali kuphela, kodwa nezinkulungwane zamaRandi ezikweletini.” Isizathu esizwakalayo sokuzonda i-ex yakho (nokumenza aboshwe), singasho. Uma uhlobene nale nganekwane, ukudabuka kwakho nemizwa enenzondo kuyafaneleka ngoba bekuyimali yakho oyisebenzele kanzima futhi owayekade ewusebenzela wayengenalo ilungelo lokukuhlukumeza ngokwezimali. 

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9. Izithembiso eziphukile nakanjani zizokwenza ube nemizwa engemihle

Izithembiso eziyize zokuhlala uthembekile, ukungalokothi ukulimaze, ukungalokothi ubangele ubuhlungu nokudabuka, nokuma nawe njalo ebunzimeni nasebunzimeni. Imisho efana nokuthi “Ngizohlala ngikuthanda,” “Sizohlangana nomndeni wami,” kanye nokuthi “Angisoze ngaphula inhliziyo yakho” yizithembiso eziyize eziphenduka izizathu zokuzonda owayeshade naye. Akulutho ngaphandle kokuzenzisa esikhathini esizayo.

Okubhalwe ngezansi ezinye zezindlela ongabhekana ngazo nezithembiso eziphukile:

• Gwema ukubeka okulindelekile kulabo asebephule izithembiso zakho. Ungazibekeleli ukulimala okwengeziwe
• Zibuze ukuthi kungani lezo zithembiso zazibalulekile kuwe. Kuhle ukwazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngobudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo
• Yamukela ukuthi lezo zithembiso ngeke zifezeke, kodwa futhi yamukele ukuthi i-ex yakho akuyena kuphela umuntu ongafeza lezo zidingo
• Iba nengxoxo eqotho nawe futhi uzame ukuyeka ukucasuka nemizwa yokukhaphela

10. Ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo 

Uma uthanda umuntu futhi engazinaki izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo , uzozithola umzonda isikhathi eside ngemva kokuba esekushiyile. Ngokufanayo, uma owayekade ekuthanda engakaziqinisekisi izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo futhi eqhubeka nokuzishaya indiva, kungaba nzima ukucabanga ngalowo muntu ngothando. Ezinye zezimpawu zokunganakwa ngokomzwelo zifaka:

• Akuqinisekisi imizwa yakho, imicabango nemibono yakho 
• Ukusola wena ngakho konke okungalungile empilweni yabo
• Ukwenza uzizwe sengathi awulufanele uthando lwabo, isikhathi, namandla
• Ekunikeza ihlombe elibandayo 
• Ukungabi khona kwakho uma uwadinga 
• Ukukujikijela ngamatshe ngemva kwengxabano 

Uma noma yikuphi kwalokhu kuziphatha bekukhona ebuhlotsheni bakho bangaphambilini, kusobala ukuthi kungani unenzondo engaka ngabo nokuthi kungani ungakwazi ukuyeka ukuzonda i-ex yakho.

11. Ukungayinaki imingcele 

Zonke izinhlobo zemingcele zibaluleke kakhulu ukuze ubudlelwano buqhubeke, okuhlanganisa ngokomzimba, ngokocansi, ngokwezezimali nangokomzwelo. Uma umlingani wakho wangaphambilini engazange ahloniphe eminye noma eminye yemingcele yakho, khona-ke kuyisizathu esanele sokuba nenzondo nokuzonda owayeshade naye.

Futhi, uma besaweqa imingcele yakho ngisho nalapho udwebe ngokuqondile umthetho wokuthi ungathintani nabo, udinga ukubabiza ngokuziphatha kwabo. Uma kungenjalo, lokhu kuzokudalela izinkinga eziningi futhi kumise inqubo yokuqhubekela phambili ku-ex yakho. 

12. Ukungalingani kwamandla 

Ukungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni kubhekisela ekusatshalalisweni okungalingani kwamandla, ukulawula, noma ithonya phakathi kwabalingani. Kwenzeka lapho omunye umlingani enegunya eliningi, amandla okwenza izinqumo, noma isimo senhlalo kunomunye umlingani. Lokhu kungalingani kwamandla kungaba khona ezicini ezahlukene zobudlelwano, okuhlanganisa amandla angokomzwelo, ezezimali, ezenhlalo, kanye nawomzimba.

Uzakwethu onamandla engeziwe angase enze omunye umuntu azizwe engelutho. Bazobenza bazizwe bengazwakali futhi bebandlululwa nakakhulu. Uma wawusothandweni olunjalo lapho owake washada naye wayenesandla esiphezulu futhi ekwenza uzizwe uyisakhamuzi esisezingeni lesibili, kungesinye sezizathu ezisobala zokuthi uzizwe uthukuthelele futhi kungani ungakwazi ukuyeka ukuzonda owayeshade naye. 

13. Bakujezisa impilo yakho yonke 

Imizwa ejulile noma ebeleselayo yokudabuka, ubuhlungu, ukuzethemba, izinkinga ezinkulu zokwethembana, ukungazethembi, ukuzidabukela, ukungabaza, ukukhathazeka, umthwalo ongokomzwelo, kanye nokuhlukumezeka kuyizipho ezimbalwa nje ezinikezwa yi-ex uma ephuma empilweni yakho. Yebo, uyamzonda owakwakho, futhi kufanele. Imizwa yakho enesiphithiphithi iphuma ekuhlakanipheni kwakho. 

Lezi ezinye zezizathu zokuthi ungase uzonde i-ex yakho. Zonke zinkulu futhi zithembekile ngokwanele ukuthi zingadala isilonda esijulile esingelapheka kuphela ngosizo lochwepheshe. Uma uvuma futhi wamukele ukuthi uyayizonda i-ex yakho, udinga ukuthola ukuthi uzophumelela kanjani kulokhu. 

Amathiphu angu-6 Okukusiza Ukuqhubekela Phambili 

Kungaba inselele ukuyiyeka futhi udlulisele imizwa yenzondo eyadlula kowayenguzakwethu. Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile enhlalakahleni yakho kanye nokukhula komuntu siqu ukusebenzela ekuxolelweni nasekuphulukisweni. Nazi ezinye izinyathelo ongazithatha ukuze uyeke ukuzonda i-ex yakho:

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1. Ungazami ukucindezela imizwa yakho engemihle

Kuningi osudlule kukho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwakuwukungathembeki, ukungahloniphi, noma ukuhlukumeza, amanxeba ajulile awanakupholiswa uma uzama ukuvala imizwelo yakho. Ukuqhubekela phambili, kufanele wamukele imizwa yakho yokucasuka futhi ungazisoli ngokuwohloka kobudlelwano bakho. Noma ngabe uzizwa kanjani, ungayikhipha ngokufuna usizo lochwepheshe, ngokukhuluma nabantu obathandayo, noma ngokukubhala phansi kujenali yakho njalo.

2. Funda emaphutheni akho 

Abantu bangena empilweni yakho ngesizathu, isizini, noma impilo yonke. Zonke lezi zibonelo ezintathu zizokufundisa okuningi ngokuphila, ubuntu, umusa, futhi ekugcineni, zizokusiza ube umuntu ongcono. Futhi noma yini eyenzekile yayihloselwe ukwenzeka, ngoba 'i-maktub.' Konke kubhaliwe.

Ngakho-ke, zinike isikhathi sokuzindla ngobuhlobo bese uthola noma yimaphi amaphethini noma izifundo ezingafundwa. Uma uqhubeka phambili, udinga ukufunda emaphutheni akho adlule. Lokhu kungakuzuzisa nasebudlelwaneni bakho besikhathi esizayo. Ungaba umlingani ongcono ngokubheka lokho okuzuzile ebuhlotsheni, noma ngabe ekugcineni kwaphela. Lokhu kuzindla kungasiza ekushintsheni umbono wakho futhi kukhuthaze ukukhula komuntu siqu.

3. Zijwayeze ukuzinakekela futhi ukhulule amandla angalungile

Gxila emisebenzini yokuzinakekela ethuthukisa ukuphila kwakho ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba njenge:

• Ukuhlanganyela emisebenzini ekulethela injabulo
• Ukuchitha isikhathi nabantu obathandayo
• Ukubeka kuqala impilo yakho
• Ukudla ukudla okunempilo
• Ukungena ezintweni ozithandayo
• Ukuhlala kude nezinkundla zokuxhumana kungenye ye izindlela zokuzithanda wena aphinde
• Ukuqinisekisa imizwa yakho kodwa nokuhlola imicabango yakho ekwenza ucasuke futhi ibangele ukudabuka okukhulu 
• Ukungaqhathanisi impilo yakho neyabanye abantu

Ngaphezu kwalokho, udinga ukukhulula amandla akho angalungile ngokuthola izindlela ezinempilo zokukhulula le mizwa. Zibandakanye emisebenzini efana nokubhala, ukuvocavoca umzimba, noma ukuzijwayeza ukuqaphela nokuzindla. Le mikhuba ingakusiza ukuthi udambise amafindo futhi ikhuthaze ukuthula kwangaphakathi nemizwa eyakhayo.

4. Funa usizo lochwepheshe 

Uma umzonda owayekade ekhona futhi ungazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nemizwa yakho yenzondo, xhumana nabangani, umndeni, noma uchwepheshe wezokwelapha ongakunikeza indlebe elalele futhi akunike isiqondiso. Ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho emibi, inzondo, imizwa eqhubekayo, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okubi kungakusiza uthole umbono futhi ucubungule imizwa yakho. Ufanelwe ukuthola lonke ukwesekwa phakathi nale nqubo yokuphulukiswa. Uma kuwusizo olufunayo, iphaneli labelaphi abanolwazi beBonobology lilapha ukukuqondisa kule nqubo futhi lidwebe indlela yokululama.

5. Gxila ekuthetheleleni 

Ukuthethelela kuyithuluzi elinamandla ngesikhathi senqubo yokuphulukiswa njengoba kusiza ekuqhubekeni phambili. Qonda ukuthi ukuthethelela akukhona ukuthethelela noma ukukhohlwa izenzo zowayengumlingani wakho, kodwa kunalokho kumayelana nokukhulula umthwalo wemizwa nokuzikhulula emandleni amabi ahlobene nenzondo. Kungathatha isikhathi, kodwa ukusebenzela ukuthethelela kungakhulula. Kodwa khumbula, akusikho okwawo wonke umuntu, futhi akusikho isandulela sokuqhubekela phambili nhlobo.

6. Misa imingcele 

Misa imingcele ecacile ne-ex yakho ukuze uzivikele futhi uvimbele ukulimala okwengeziwe ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise ukukhawulela ukuxhumana, ukususa izikhumbuzi zobudlelwano, noma ukugwema izimo lapho ungase ucushwe khona. Imingcele izosiza ukudala isikhala sokuphulukisa nokukhula komuntu siqu.

Siyaqonda ukuthi unenzondo enkulu ngowakwakho wangaphambili. Kodwa esikhundleni sokuhlala ucabanga ngemizwa emibi futhi uzicwilise emithwalweni yemizwa , qondisa amandla akho emisebenzini emihle. Zibekele imigomo, hlola izinto ezintsha ozithandayo, tshala imali ekuthuthukisweni komuntu siqu, futhi ugxile ekwakheni impilo eyanelisayo. Lokhu kushintsha kokugxila kuzokuvumela ukuthi wakhe ikusasa eliqhakazile nawe kulo.

Khumbula, inqubo yokuyeka nokuqhubeka ithatha isikhathi, futhi ihlukile kumuntu ngamunye. Yiba nesineke futhi ube nozwelo kuwe njengoba uzulazula ohlelweni lwakho lokuphulukisa. Okubaluleke kakhulu, sebenzela ekuthetheleleni. Hhayi ngoba beyidinga, kodwa ingoba nifanelwe ukukhululeka emaketangeni omunyu namagqubu. 

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.