Izinyathelo Eziyi-13 Zokuhlanganisa Impilo Yakho Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Ukuhlukana akuyona imibhede yama roses. Wena kubo bonke abantu uyakwazi lokho, uma ubheka ukuthi uzama ukuxazulula imfihlakalo yokuthi ungahlanganisa kanjani impilo yakho ngemva kokuhlukana okubi. Ngeke sikufakele ushukela. Kuyoba lezo zinsuku ezibuhlungu lapho ukuphuma embhedeni kuzobonakala kuwumsebenzi omkhulu. Ungase ube nezinkinga ngokubuka nje inkomishi u-ex wakho akuphe yona. 

Umphathi wakho angase akunike indlebe ngoba wenze amaphutha amaningi kuphrojekthi elula. Njengoba uqhubeka nokukhansela izinhlelo ukuze nje uhlale ekhaya futhi u-mope, abangani bakho bayayeka ukufona ngemva kwephuzu. Uma lokhu kuhlala kungahloliwe, akubukeki njengesithombe esithembisayo kakhulu - hhayi ngempilo yakho yengqondo noma impilo yakho yezenhlalo nezomsebenzi. 

Ngaphambi kokuthi uzithole uwedwa, ulahlekile ekuhlukaneni, ake sakhe uhlu lokuhlola 'lwenze impilo yakho ndawonye'. Sizodlula ezinyathelweni ezithile ezingenziwa ukuze sikukhiphe kulesi sihogo esingokomzwelo. Ukuze asiqondise kulolu hambo, nginodokotela wezengqondo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), osebenza ngokukhethekile ku-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwabashadikazi.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuhlanganisa Impilo Yakho Ngemva Kokuhlukana? 

Uma othile ethi udinga ukuhlanganisa impilo yakho ngemva kokuhlukana, kusho ukuthi kufanele uthole isihluthulelo senjabulo ngaphakathi kwakho. Ngokusho kuka-a cwaningo, amasu amathathu okuziphatha angasebenza njengentelezi ukuze uqede ukuhlukana: 1) Ukudala uhlu lwama-con of your ex, 2) Ukwamukela imizwa yakho, kanye 3) Ukucabanga imicabango ejabulisayo ukuze uziphazamise.

Hhayi-ke, uma ucabanga ukuthi ungahlanganisa impilo yakho ngosuku, unephutha elikhulu. Ukuphulukisa kusukela ekuhlukaneni kuyinqubo ende eyenzekayo ngokwemvelo. Kumayelana nokudiliza kancane kancane udonga losizi futhi ufinyelele kumuntu wakho wangaphakathi. Uthola kabusha injongo yakho ekuphileni futhi uzibekele imigomo emisha. Manje, awukwazi ukuvele ukhohlwe zonke izinkumbulo ngobusuku obubodwa uma bekuwubudlelwano obunenjongo ngokujulile. Yilapho-ke inkinga ethi 'uyihlanganisa kanjani impilo yakho' ikuthinta kakhulu. 

Ngemva kokuhlukana kwami ​​kokugcina, ngazibuza “Ngingakulungisa kanjani ukuphila kwami?” izikhathi eziningi kangaka. Ngangiwuhlaka oluphelele, ibhola elikhulu lokukhathazeka, futhi ukuvala isivalo kwenza kwaba kubi nakakhulu. Uma uzama ukuhlanganisa impilo yakho lapho unokucindezeleka, indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nakho ukuthatha usizo lochwepheshe. Isiqondiso somelaphi wami sasebenza kakhulu kimina qhubekela phambili ngaphandle kokuvalwa kahle. 

UNandita ithi, “Ukuze uhlanganise ukuphila kwakho ngemva kokuhlukana ngokuyisisekelo kusho ukuthi kufanele uqhubeke, futhi uma ngithi qhubeka, ngiqonde ngazo zonke izindlela.” Uyihlukanisa ibe izigaba ezi-4:

• Ukuqhubekela phambili ngokwengqondo, ngokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba
• Ukudedela nokuba nokuthula neqiniso lokuthi kuphelile ngobuhle
• Ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni bakho bokungavikeleki ukuze ukwazi ukuthuthukisa izibopho ezinempilo, zothando nomlingani wakho wesikhathi esizayo
• Okokugcina, ukuthatha isinyathelo esibheke ekuqaleni kabusha ngenhliziyo evulekile kanye nengqondo eyakhayo

Izinyathelo Eziyi-13 Zokuhlanganisa Impilo Yakho Ngemva Kokuhlukana 

Manje njengoba sesizibekile isisekelo, ake sidlulele engxenyeni lapho sizoxoxa khona ngokuthi ungahlanganisa kanjani ukuphila kwakho. Usuzosebenza emizweni eminingi ejulile, futhi wenze umzamo wangempela kukho. Kungase kudingeke ubonise ukuzithiba okukhulu emaphuzwini athile.

Kodwa uma ulandela amathiphu ethu okuthi ungayenza kanjani impilo yakho ndawonye, ​​qiniseka, lonke uhambo luzoba buhlungu kakhulu futhi lube ukuzibonakalisa ngokwakho, okuhambisana nezindlela ezinempilo zokubhekana nazo. Ngakho, masenze lokhu. Masidale uhlu lokuhlola 'ukuhlanganisa impilo yakho'. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukungavikeleki Kobudlelwane - Incazelo, Izimpawu Nemiphumela

1. Yithi cha ekubukeni ezinkundleni zokuxhumana (kanye nempilo yabo)

I-oda lokuqala lebhizinisi ukunqamula bonke ubuhlobo no-ex wakho, okungenani uze uthole ithuba lokucubungula imizwa yakho. Ngakho-ke, akukho 2 am Instagram stalking, ungazami ukuthola ukuthi ngubani usuku lwabo olusha, akukho ukuzulazula ngaphandle kwehhovisi labo uzenzela eceleni (ngethemba lokuzithela kubo). Futhi okuphambene nalokho - akufanele uzame ukuvusela isikhwele ngamabomu ku-ex yakho ngokuthumela izithombe zombukiso wezinsuku ze-Tinder. 

Ubufuna ukwazi, “Ngiyilungisa kanjani impilo yami?” Siphakamisa ukucishwa okuphelele kwenkundla yezokuxhumana kanye akukho ukuxhumana ngemva kokuhlukana. Futhi, kufanele ungithembise ukuthi ngeke ufonele abangani bakho ukuze bahlale benolwazi ngempilo yabo. Uma nje ugcina amathebhu ku-ex yakho, ukuvalwa kuzoba kude kakhulu. 

U-Nandita uthi, “Uma ubuhlobo benu buphele kabi noma bekuwubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo noma obukhohlisayo noma ngabe bekunohlobo oluthile lokungalungi, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi unqamule bonke ubuhlobo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, leyo mizwa engemihle ingalokhu ibuya, ikudide ekuphileni kwakho kwamanje.”

2. Ziculele, “Ubudlelwano bami buphelile”

Ngokuvamile ngemva kokuhlukana, sivame ukukholelwa ukuthi lokhu akusona isiphetho. Sizigcina silindile ngethemba lokuthola ucingo oluvela kubo ngelinye ilanga. Ukukhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu, kungase kufinyelele eminyakeni eyisikhombisa (isixwayiso sokuphoxeka!). Ngakho-ke, uma unentshisekelo yangempela yokuthi ungahlanganisa kanjani impilo yakho, yamukela iqiniso lokuthi ngeke nigcine nindawonye. Kuphelile ngawe futhi kungcono ulawule izifiso zokudakwa shayela i-ex yakho phakathi kwamabili. 

Ngokusho kukaNandita, "Alikho ithiphu engingabelana ngalo mayelana nendlela yokuhlanganisa impilo yakho kanye unomphela. Kuyinqubo ehamba kancane. Okokuqala, udinga ukuqonda ukuthi kungani uzizwa unesifiso sokubashayela ucingo kwasekuqaleni. Kuvela nje endaweni yokujwayela nokuvikeleka. Umuzwa wokunethezeka ungase ukwenze ugwinye i-ego yakho nokuziqhenya, futhi uvumele iluphu efanayo endala. 

“Noma nini uma uzwa lesi sifiso sokuphinde uxhumane ne-ex yakho, zikhumbuze ngakho konke izizathu zokuqeda lobu budlelwano. Ukudambisa ubuhlungu ezikuzwise zona kungase kwenze kube lula ukuyeka lowo muzwa wokujwayelana futhi kukusize uhlanganise ukuphila kwakho lapho ubathanda ngokujulile.”

3. Yazisa imizwa engemihle 

Uthola isinyathelo esisodwa eduze nokucubungula imizwa yakho uma usuyamukele. Akumangalisi ukuthi ukuhlukana kukuthatha udlule emizweni engathandeki. Ungacindezela konke okufunayo ngokufaka imaskhi yenjabulo. Kodwa lokho kuzokhuba inqubekelaphambili yakho ohambweni lokuphulukisa. 

Masibhekane nakho, awukwazi ukuhlanganisa impilo yakho ngomlingo ngosuku olulodwa. Kodwa ungaqala ngokuqamba imizwa yakho. Zivumele uzwe lokho okuzwayo ngomfutho wakho ogcwele. Uma udabukile, khala njengengane. Uma kuwukucasuka, memeza ngomcamelo, khiphela umngane. Ngithembe, uzozizwa ulula kakhulu enhliziyweni yakho ngakusasa ekuseni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungazihlukanisa Kanjani Ngokomzwelo Kothile - Izindlela Eziyi-10

4. Dlala izingoma ezidabukisayo futhi ukhale ulwandle 

Ungayithola kanjani impilo yakho ndawonye unomphela? Khumbula ukuzivumela isikhathi nendawo yokulila kubaluleke kakhulu. Ungalwi nemizwa yakho noma uzame ukuba namandla ngokweqile. Kunalokho, yiba umngane wakho ngaleso sikhathi usacabanga nge ex yakho imini nobusuku futhi akakwazi ukuyeka ukukhala. Zisike kancane. Kulungile ukuhlala kubhavu ambalwa ka-ayisikhilimu ukuze uphakamise umoya wakho.  

Uchwepheshe wethu uthi, "Ukudabuka ngokwakho kunezigaba eziningi. Okokuqala, kuyoba ukungakholelwa ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho empeleni buphelile. Khona-ke kuyoba nentukuthelo enkulu uma kukhona noma yimiphi imizwa engemihle ngomuntu wakho wangaphambili. Kamuva, uzozwa ubuhlungu. Bese ekugcineni, iqiniso lingena.

"Umuntu ngamunye ucubungula lezi zigaba ngezindlela ezihlukene esebenzisa imigqa yesikhathi ehlukene. Futhi, kuzoba nesifiso esinamandla sokuhileleka ebuhlotsheni obubuyela emuva. Kufanele ukugweme lokho uma uzizwa ukhangwa omunye umuntu. Zinike okungenani izinyanga ezimbili zekhefu elihlanzekile noma ngaphezulu kwalokho ngaphambi kokungena kobunye ubudlelwano." 

5. Yenza isiko lokuhlanza 

Into elandelayo ohlwini lwethu lokuhlola 'lwenze impilo yakho ndawonye' iyisiko lokuzihlanza ukuze uzivale. Kufanele wehle kuleso sitimela sokukhumbula ukuze uzinikeze iphasi ukuze udale izinkumbulo ezintsha, ezijabulisayo. Manje, umlilo womlilo wozakwethu wangaphambili ungahle uphume kakhulu lapho. Kodwa kufanele nakanjani ulahle izinto ezikukhumbuza ngazo. 

Kungaba isikibha sesoka othanda ukulala kuso noma inqwaba yamabhodlela e-shampoo namabhodlela okuthambisa awashiye endaweni yakho. Ukubuyisela izipho kubonakala kuwukungazweli. Ungawafaka ebhokisini bese uwahambisa endaweni ephezulu, noma unikele komunye umuntu. Futhi ngaphambi kokuthi sikhohlwe, susa izithombe ezingu-2045 efonini yakho futhi uziphe isileti esihlanzekile. 

6. Qala ukubhala amajenali - indlela enhle yokwenza impilo yakho ibe ndawonye lapho ububathanda ngokujulile 

Enye indlela yokwenza ukubhekana nokuzizwa ungelutho ngemva kokuhlukana uyabhala. Kungumfanekiso wakho omuhle kakhulu ukuzigcina ugxilile futhi uhlele isiphithiphithi ekhanda lakho. Yilapho uvela khona nsuku zonke futhi ubeka phansi imicabango yakho ngaphandle kokuyivala - elula kanjalo. Incwadi engathunyelwanga eya ku-ex yakho noma ukuncibilika okumnyama nokumhlophe kuyindlela enhle yokuyiyeka. Kumuntu ongafundile, ngingaphakamisa ukuthi uqale ngejenali yolwazi futhi wenze indlela yakho ibe lula kwezinye izinhlobo. 

"Ungayithola kanjani impilo yakho ndawonye nge-journaling?" uyazibuza. Ngemva kokuba usuqedile ukubhala, dlula kulawo makhasi kanye. Kufana nokubheka imizwa yakho siqu kanye nemingcele ozibekayo kuwe ukude. Futhi ngithembe, uma ubona inguqulo yakho ngokombono womuntu wesithathu, ikulethela ukucaca okuningi ekhanda lakho eliguqubele. 

U-Nandita uthi, "I-Journaling ikusiza ukuthi uveze imicabango yakho ngokuhlukana. Imicabango egijima engqondweni yakho, ukuyibhala ephepheni kuzokwenza ukwazi ukuyicubungula ngendlela ecacile nefingqiwe. Ukubhala iphephabhuku nakho kuyindawo ephephile ngoba nguwe nje olapho nemizwa yakho. Maduze nje, uzoqala ukubheka izinto ngendlela ehluzekile." 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-13 Zokuyeka Ukuchoboza Umuntu Futhi Uqhubeke

7. Ayikho into efana nombuso wokuzinakekela 

Kufanele nakanjani uzinakekele ngokwengeziwe ukuze uhlanganise impilo yakho lapho unokucindezeleka. Yebo, uqala kancane. Iviki 1, kulungiswa umbhede nje, uzenzela inkomishi yekhofi emnandi. Iviki 2, zama ukufunda incwadi oyikhonzile eshalofini. Mhlawumbe upheqa kwezinye ze imibono yezipho zokuzinakekela kanye nenhlalakahle (ngokwakho kuphela) ngoba ufanelwe okungcono kakhulu.

Khetha leyo foni bese ulungisa idethi yekhofi nomngane wakho omkhulu. Uma ngabe kukhona ubudlelwano obudlule obukuvimbele ukuthi ukwenze, susa zonke lezo zinto ohlwini lwakho ngayinye ngayinye. O, futhi futhi ungakhohlwa ukuma phambi kwesibuko kanye ngosuku futhi uzikhumbuze ukuthi uyamangalisa!

8. Shaya umgwaqo, thatha uhambo olufushane

Uhambo lwe-solo luyikhambi elimangalisayo lenhliziyo ephukile. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungayenza kanjani impilo yakho ndawonye lapho kungekho okunye okuzwa kahle, mane upakishe izikhwama zakho uhambe uye lapho umgwaqo ukuyisa khona. Hamba uhambo neqembu labantu ongabazi uma izintaba zibiza. Kuzoba yinto entsha futhi ukhiphe ingqondo yakho ebuhlungwini obunenkani. Noma ungase uchithe izinsuku ezimbalwa endaweni ehlala uwedwa ehlathini, kude nesixuku esihlanyayo. 

Umqeqeshi wobudlelwano nokusondelana Shivanya Yogmayaa wake wakhuluma ngalesi sihloko kuBonobology, "Kubalulekile ukuphinde uxhumane nemvelo ukuze uphulukise ingqondo yakho. Ungayi kubangani bakho futhi ushaye isigubhu ngesihloko esifanayo. Ungayi emndenini wakho uyofuna ukuhlenga noma isiphephelo. Zifunele ukuba wedwa nawe, ngokwemvelo nangokuthula, ngoba ukucabanga kwakho ngesikhathi esedlule namanxeba kungakusiza ukuba unqobe lesi sigaba."

9. Zibekele isimiso ukuze uhlale ukhiqiza emsebenzini

Hhayi, awufuni ukumosha umsebenzi wakho ngenxa yokuhlukana, akunjalo? Uyazi ukuthi usebenze kanzima kangakanani ukuyakha kusukela ekuqaleni. Ngakho-ke, dala isimiso esilawulekayo ukuze uhlele ukuthi kungakanani ofuna ukukwenza ngeviki/usuku bese uzama ukunamathela kukho. Kulungile uma ungakwazi ekuqaleni. Uma uvuselela indawo yakho yokusebenza ngombala omncane, kungase kukujabulise futhi kukunikeze ugqozi lokubuyela kuleso sihlalo njalo ekuseni. 

UNandita uphakamisa ukuthi uthintane namalungu ambalwa omndeni nabangane ukuze uthulule isifuba sakho kubo. Uthi, “Uma usukwazi ukuthi kukhona umuntu oseduze kwakho, omthandayo, uzokwazi ukugxilisa ingqondo kangcono emsebenzini. ukuthola ukwehlukana uwedwa.

"Kwesinye isikhathi ukuzitika emsebenzini kukusiza ekwelapheni ngokuzenzakalela ngoba kukugcina uphazamisekile futhi ubambe iqhaza kokuthile okukhiqizayo. Kanye nomsebenzi, kubalulekile futhi ukuhlala unempilo engokomzimba ukuze uhlanganise impilo yakho ngemva kokuhlukana. Ukufunda izimo ezimbalwa zedeski le-yoga kuzogcina imizwa yakho ikhululekile futhi ingenaso ingcindezi. Ngakho-ke, qhubeka uhamba."

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Akuwena, Yimina - Izaba Zokuhlukana? Lokho Elikusho Ngempela

10. Buhlaziyeni ubuhlobo 

Nali elinye ithiphu lendlela yokwenza impilo yakho ihlangane ngemva kwalokho kuhlukana. Uma usuqine ngokwanele ukuthi ungabheka emuva ochungechungeni lwezehlakalo ezingemnandi ezenzeke ebudlelwaneni bakho, hlaziya kabusha ukuthi yini engahambanga kahle. 

Ubudlelwano buhlulekile. Ayikho into ongaba namahloni ngayo; kuyingxenye yokuphila kuphela. Okubalulekile ukuthi uthuthuka kanjani njengomuntu ekuqondeni okutholayo ngawe kanye nobudlelwano babantu ngokujwayelekile. Ungayithola kanjani impilo yakho ndawonye ngemva kokuhlukana? Kwenze umgomo wakho ukulungisa lezi phutha kusukela esahlukweni esilandelayo sendaba yakho. 

11. Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa? I-no-cha enkulu

Mayelana nokusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa, uNandita uyanezela, “Abantu abake bahlukana basengozini yokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa ngoba bazizwa bedabukile, benesizungu, futhi bedabukile. Futhi umzimba wakho udinga ‘ukungilanda.’ Ngokwemvelo, uqala ukuncika ezintweni ezikwenza uphakame ngokushesha. Akudingekile ukuba kube izidakamizwa kuphela. Ukuba umlutha wokudla noma ukudla ngokweqile nakho kubhekwa njengokuphazamiseka kokusebenzisa izidakamizwa.”

Empeleni, izifundo khombisa ukuthi ukuncika otshwaleni kuphezulu kwabesifazane abacindezelekile kunabesilisa. Phawula amazwi ami, akuyona indlela efanele yokuhlanganisa impilo yakho lapho unokucindezeleka. Kukunikeza kuphela ukukhululeka kwesikhashana ebuhlungu nasezinhlungwini, kuyilapho kwenza konke okunye kube kubi kakhulu.

Kodwa njengoba sishilo ngaphambili, ukucashela imizwa engemihle akuyona indlela esibhekana ngayo nokuhlukana lapha. Izikhonkwane ezimbalwa ngempelasonto zilungile. Kodwa uma ubona izimvaba zewayini zishabalala phambi kwamehlo akho nsuku zonke, kufanele ukhathazeke. 

12. Lawula impilo yakho kancane

Uma ama-blues okuqala esephelile, uzobe usulungele ukulawula impilo yakho futhi. Ungaqala ukujabulela izinzuzo ezesabekayo yokuba ongashadile futhi. Mhlawumbe dala uhlu lwezinhloso zesikhathi esifushane nezesikhathi eside ofuna ukuzifinyelela eminyakeni emihlanu ezayo. 

Ngeke siphakamise ukuthi ungene kobunye ubudlelwano obubalulekile ngaso leso sikhathi, ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukuhlanganisa impilo yakho lapho ububathanda ngokujulile. Nakuba, ukuqhubeka nezinsuku ezimbalwa zekhofi ezivamile kungase kukhulise ukuzethemba kwakho futhi kukwenze uzizwe ujabule ngawe. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Inkulumo Yokuqala Ngemva Kokuhlukana - Izinto Eziyisi-8 Ezibalulekile Okufanele Uzikhumbule

13. Funa usizo lochwepheshe 

Ngisakhathazekile ngokuthi "Ngiyenza kanjani impilo yami ibe sesimweni esihle?" Akukho okungathatha indawo engcono yesiqondiso sochwepheshe, noma ngabe ukusiphi isigaba senqubo yokuphulukisa. Ungalindeli ukuthi umelaphi akusize uhlanganise impilo yakho ngosuku. 

Qhubeka futhi uxoxe ngezinkinga nochwepheshe onelayisensi. Ngokuqinisekile kuzokunikeza umbono omusha ngokuphelele wokuhlola isimo sakho. Usizo lumane luchofoze nje kube nabeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi Iphaneli yochwepheshe be-Bonobology abahlezi belapha kuwe.

Ingabe Kunzima Ukuhlanganisa Impilo Yakho?

Ukuhlukana kunzima. Ubuhlungu, ubuhlungu, izinkumbulo, ukukhukhuleka ngaphandle kothandekayo wakho. Ngakho-ke, ukunqoba lezi zithiyo ngeke kube ukuhamba epaki futhi. Thatha usuku olulodwa ngesikhathi. Izinsuku ezimbalwa/amaviki okuqala ngemva kokuhlukana kungase kuzwakale njengokuphela komhlaba. Ungase uphile ngokuphelelwa yithemba lokuthi “Ngeke ngiphinde ngithole omunye umaqondana.” 

Ekugcineni, ujwayela inhliziyo ebuhlungu. Isikhathi siqeda izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu kancane. Wonke amathemba akho, amaphupho akho, nemigomo yekusasa elingcono kuyabuya. Yebo, akulula ukuhlanganisa ukuphila kwakho ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa ubunzima buyingxenye yempilo; kusenza sibe namandla futhi sihlakaniphe ngokwengeziwe. 

Manje usuyazi ukuthi ungayihlanganisa kanjani impilo yakho ngalezi zinyathelo ezingu-13 ezingenziwa. Ngethemba, maduze uzothola indawo enhliziyweni yakho ukuze ujabule futhi futhi uqhubekele phambili nempilo yakho nomsebenzi wakho. Zizwe ukhululekile ukubuyela kithi ukuze uthole izeluleko ezengeziwe ngezindaba zokuhlukana, ukuphola, ukusebenzelana nomshado - cishe noma yini mayelana nobudlelwano. 

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

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