Izizathu Ezingu-9 Okungenzeka Usacabanga Nge-Ex Yakho

Ukuhlukana kungase kucindezele kakhulu; kungakugcwalisa ukungabaza, intukuthelo, usizi, futhi kwezinye izimo ngisho nokuzisola. Isiyaluyalu esingokomzwelo singaphakamisa imibuzo eminingi engqondweni yakho engase iqhubeke ngisho nangemva kokuba usudlulele ebuhlotsheni obungcono kunobokugcina. Omunye umbuzo onjalo uthi: “Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami lapho nginomuntu omusha?”

Ukuzibuza nge-ex yakho, kaningi, akuyona into engavamile ngoba kuyimvelo yomuntu ukuqhathanisa isikhathi esedlule nesimanje. Ukuyeka ubudlelwano obudlule akulula neze. Masihlanganise amakhanda ethu ukuze sizindle ngezizathu okungenzeka ukuthi ulokhu ubuyela kowathandana naye (ngethemba, engqondweni yakho kuphela).

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Lapho uMarie ezibamba ecabanga nge-ex yakhe ihora elilodwa nje, wethuka. Wayesebudlelwaneni obusha futhi umfana wayemuhle kakhulu, pho kungani ayecabanga ngesikhathi esidlule? Imicabango efana nemizwa engaxazululiwe nebhizinisi elingaqediwe yaqala ukumhlupha. Washayela umngane wakhe omkhulu, u-Tiana, ngaso leso sikhathi, owamsiza wakhulula ingqondo yakhe. U-Tiana wachaza ukuthi ukucabanga nge-ex kuyinto evamile futhi akusho ukuthi usenemizwa enamandla ngomlingani wakhe wangaphambili.

Abantu bayisidalwa somkhuba. Ubuchopho bethu buyathanda ukulandela isimiso, sithatha umzila ofanayo wokuya ekhaya sivela emsebenzini, sidla amasemishi ngendlela efanayo (imiphetho kuqala bese kuba isikhungo esinojusi), futhi singena kumaphijama athokomele afanayo ubusuku nemini, singalinaki iqiniso lokuthi acela ukulahlwa. Okufanayo kuya ezinkambisweni esizenze ku-a ubudlelwano obudlule.

Kulungile ukuthola izinkumbulo ezingemuva lapho wenza okuthile nomlingani wakho omusha obujwayele ukukwenza nowawushade naye. Akusho ukuthi awukakutholi ukuvala, yindlela ubuchopho bakho obuxhunywe ngayo. Kodwa uma lokhu kwenzeka njalo kuwena, kuzomele uthole phansi ukuthi kungani kwenzeka.

Izizathu Ezingu-9 Okungenzeka Usacabanga Nge-Ex Yakho

Ukunamathela ku-loop engapheli yezinsuku ezinhle zakudala, awukwazi sula izinkumbulo no-ex wakho, ungacasuka uze uzibuze ngokucasuka ukuthi, "Iziphi lezi zinkumbulo osekunesikhathi eside zalahleka ezifika ekhanda lami? Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami ngemva kweminyaka engu-10?" (Yebo, i-ex ingaqhubeka ikuhlupha ngisho nangemva kweminyaka engu-10!) Imizwa yakho nge-ex yakho ingase iqhubeke isikhathi eside kunalokho obungacabanga, ngenxa yezizathu eziyinkulungwane obungakaze uzicabange. Ake singene emnyombeni wendaba ukuze sikusize uthole ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukucabanga nge-ex yakho.

1. I-X-factor ku-ex yakho

Esinye sezizathu zokuthi ulengiswe ku-ex yakho kungaba yizinto ezincane ozijabulele kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho bangaphambilini kodwa ezingekho kowakho manje. Kungaba ukuhambisana, induduzo, uthando, chemistry phakathi kwabantu ababili, noma yini enye! Ngenxa yokuthi uke wabubona lobo buhlobo obuvuthayo, usabulangazelela.

Omunye wabangane bami engibathandayo, uLiz, usebudlelwaneni obumangalisayo iminyaka emi-2 edlule. Nakuba ebonga ngakho konke akutholile ethandana noSam, ulokhu ebuyela kulokho ayenakho. Ngesinye isikhathi siziphumulele ebusuku, wavuma, “Ngisacabanga nge-ex yami kodwa nginesoka. Uyalibona iphuzu lami lapha? Ungase ube nakho konke owake wakufisa ebuhlotsheni bakho, kodwa kusazoba khona leyo nto eyodwa engase ikugcine ulangazelele okwengeziwe (futhi leyo yinto ehlala iyingxenye engcono kakhulu mayelana nobuhlobo bakho obuhlulekile no-ex wakho).

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2. Usabalandela

Uma sithi uyabalandela asiqondile ukubhebha i ex yakho ngokomzimba. Ukulandela owayekade ekhona ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze uhlale unolwazi ngabo kuzogcina kuholele ekutheni umcabange ngezindlela ezingenakubalwa. Uma ungumuntu obuza imibuzo, "Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami ngemuva kweminyaka eyi-10?", impendulo ilele ku-Instagram yakho. Awukawasusi ngokuphelele empilweni yakho. Usengufakazi wobukhona babo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo empilweni futhi ubamema emicabangweni yakho ungaqondile.

Ukugcina isheke elivamile ku-ex yakho empeleni kungakulimaza kakhulu kunokuhle. Kungakwenza uthukuthelise, ikakhulukazi uma ubabona beqhubeka ngemva kokuhlukana. Imibhangqwana ehlukana ngokulandela i-tiff embi cishe izozizwa icindezelekile futhi ibe nomona lapho ibona ex yabo ingena ebuhlotsheni obusha. Noma iyiphi indlela, ukugcina ukuxhumana kwakho nabo kwakudala kuqinile ngokusebenzisa inkundla yezokuxhumana kungaba esinye sezizathu eziqinile zokuthi uvumele igumbi lakho lakudala emicabangweni yakho.

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3. Uyamkhumbula umuntu owawukade ukanye naye

Ingabe uvame ukuzibuza: kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami? Ake ngikutshele, akuyona i-ex yakho oyikhumbulayo; uyamkhumbula umuntu obukade usebudlelwaneni bakho obudlule. Kuyiqiniso elingephikwe ukuthi bonke ubudlelwano nabalingani bahlukene; ngokufanayo, siba uhlobo oluhlukile lwethu enkampanini yabantu abahlukene. Uyakhumbula "uqobo lwakho" kusuka ebudlelwaneni obudlule ngaphezu kozakwenu wangaphambili.

Kungenzeka ukuthi ubunganaki futhi uhlakaniphile ebudlelwaneni bakho bangaphambilini, kanti manje kungenzeka ukuthi usube uzakwenu onokwamukela nokuqonda kangcono. Uzakwethu, uJane, wazithola esesimweni esifanayo futhi waqapha ukuze abone umsuka wembangela. Lapho engasenakukwazi ukuzibamba ebuyela emicabangweni yelangabi lakhe elidala njalo nje, waphetha ngokuthi, “Kungani ngingakwazi ukwedlula i-ex yami? Ngoba ngiyakhumbula engangikade nginaye.

4. Awuzange uthole ukuvalwa ngemva kokuhlukana

“Ukuhlukana kwami ​​kungazelelwe kwangishaya kakhulu. Akazange azihluphe ngokuchaza ukuthi konakelephi… ngabe sakulungisa ndawonye,” kusho umakhelwane wami uRuth. Umuzwa obeleselayo wokulahlekelwa, ubuhlungu, nokucasuka ubonakala ezwini lakhe. “Manje…,” waqhubeka, “nginesoka kodwa kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami nsuku zonke?” Yilokhu ukuntuleka kokuvala okwenzayo kuwe. Ingqondo yakho ihlukumezekile ngenxa yokuphazamiseka ngokomzwelo okungazelelwe futhi ifuna incazelo ngokuhlukana kwakho ngokukubuyisela ezinkumbulo zakudala. Ucabanga ngesikhathi sakho esedlule futhi ngoba ubuchopho bakho buthwele ukuthi kungani nokuthi yini-ifs.

Uma ungazange ube nakho ukuvalwa ngemva kokuhlukana, uzothola inqubo yokudedela inselele kakhulu. Ngaphandle kwanoma yisiphi isiphetho, uguquko lungase lubonakale lungamukeleki ngisho neminyaka eyi-10 phansi komzila. Futhi, ungaphinda uzithole usenkingeni: kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami ngemva kweminyaka eyi-10? Ukungabi bikho kokuvalwa okungakuvumeli ukuthi uxazulule i-ex yakho.

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5. Unezinkumbulo ezinhle ongabuyela kuzo

Siyaqonda ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini bekungelona umbhede wama roses noma bekungeke kube njalo wafika ekugcineni. Okuqondakalayo ngokufanayo iqiniso lokuthi nina nobabili nenze izinkumbulo ezinhle ndawonye, ​​izinkumbulo ezihlala ziseduze nenhliziyo yenu, zikumboze ngokufudumala kwazo futhi zininike izimvemvane esiswini. Kungenxa yalezi zikhathi ezikhethekile esizichithe ndawonye lapho uqhubeka ubheka okwedlule, bese uyazibuza, “Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami nsuku zonke?”

Kungaba izigigaba ezincane ezizuzwe ndawonye, ​​izikhathi zokubungaza, izigaba ezimnandi zobudlelwane, izithiyo ezincane okuhlangatshezwane nazo, nanoma yiziphi ezinye izinkumbulo ezikhethekile ezigcina owake wathandana naye emusha futhi ephila engqondweni yakho. Kungokwemvelo ukukhumbula lezo zikhathi ezikhethekile; izinkumbulo ezimnandi zenzelwe ukwazisa phakade futhi owakwakho angaba ingxenye enempilo yezikhumbuzo zakho.

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6. Ukuzibukela phansi 

Uqhubeka ululaza ukufaneleka kwakho, ucwila ekungazethembini. Uphephela endaweni oyijwayele futhi ubuyele ezikhathini ezimnandi ozichithe ebuhlotsheni bakho. “Sengimtholile umaqondana ongithandayo kodwa kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami?”, kubuza uTania. Uyavuma ukuthi ubenenkinga yokungazethembi kulandela ukuhlukana kwakhe, ezithatha njengembangela yalokhu. Qaphela ukuqala ubudlelwano obusha, funa agcine ehlubukile inhliziyo yakhe, waqhubeka ebambe isikhathi asichitha ne ex yakhe.

Ukhungethwe izinto oye wabhekana nazo esikhathini esidlule, ukuzethemba kwakho kuyancipha futhi ucabanga ukuhlanganisa nowakwakho. Ucabanga ukuthi unozakwethu ongcono kakhulu umuntu angaba naye, futhi umthwalo wokumlahla ukuwe, ngakho uzama ukulungisa izindlela nokulungisa ubudlelwano. 

7. Uqhubeka uqhathanisa isikhathi samanje nesedlule

Uyazibuza, "Kungani ngihlala ngicabanga nge-ex yami nakuba ngingaphezu kwayo?" Esinye sezizathu kungaba ukuthi ubambe i-ex yakho njengendlela yokukala umlingani wakho wamanje. Ngisho noma uke wadlulela phambili ngemva kokuhlukana kwenu, awuzange neze udlule kukho. Usawabuka ngezibuko ezinemibala egqamile, ufise ngasese ukuthi umlingani wakho angafanelana nezindinganiso ezibekwe yi-ex yakho. Ukuqhathanisa kuba sobala nakakhulu uma ungavumelani nokuthile kumlingani wakho wamanje.

Umlingani wakho wenza ihlaya ongaliboni lihlekisa futhi ukhunjuzwa ngaso leso sikhathi nge-ex yakho enamahlaya athinta kakhulu neyakho. Impendulo yombuzo wakho ilele kulokho okulindele kumlingani wakho okuchazwa ulwazi lwakho ebudlelwaneni bakho obudlule. Ezimweni ze buyisela kabusha ubudlelwano, izindinganiso zangaphambili zivame ukubuyekezwa kaningi, okwenza ucabange ngobuhlobo bakho bangaphambilini ngokuphindaphindiwe.

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8. Awukawemukeli iqiniso elibuhlungu

Ukuhlukana kunzima kakhulu ukwamukela, ingasaphathwa eyeqile. Ukuvumelana neqiniso lokuthi konke sekuphelile kuyadabukisa futhi kubuhlungu kodwa lokho akukwenzi kube ngokoqobo. Esinye sezizathu ezenza ungakwazi ukukhipha i-ex yakho engqondweni yakho kungaba ukuthi awukavumi ukuthi ubudlelwano buphelile. Izintambo zakho zenhliziyo ezimsulwa zijahe ukucula ingoma emnandi kusukela ekungqubuzaneni okukhulu.

Awukakakulungeli ukuvuma ukuphela kobudlelwano futhi usabambelele ethembeni lokuthi ungalungisa izinto. Ukuhlukana kungazelelwe kufana nephilisi elibabayo: awazi ukuthi libaba kangakanani ngaphandle uma ulinambitha, futhi uma selikwenzile, kubonakala kungenakwenzeka ukuligwinya. Ukuphila ngokuphika akukuniki sixazululo futhi kukugcina uxhumene ne-ex yakho. 

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9. Ukuhlukana kwenu kube yinguquko enkulu

Ukuhlukana kwakho kuholele ekushintsheni okubalulekile kwemicimbi okushiye umbono ohlala njalo kuwe. Akusona isikhathi esingaphansi kokuchitha amanzi kuwe. Impilo yakho ngeke iphinde ifane. Okungenani isikhashana, ngeke kube nezinkulumo ezingasho lutho, izingxoxo zasebusuku, azikho izinsuku zosuku, futhi ngokuqinisekile akekho ozobiza umlingani. Kodwa njengoba besho, imikhuba emidala ifa kanzima. Kucishe kungenzeki ukuthi ucabange impilo yakho ngaphandle kwenqubo ezungeze ubudlelwano bakho. Ngakho-ke uma uzibuza, "Kungani ngihlala ngicabanga nge-ex yami nakuba ngingaphezu kwakhe?", Lokhu kungase kube isizathu.

Ngisho noma uzama ukuzinza ku-a ubudlelwano obusha, amaphethini amadala amisiwe avame ukukuhlupha. Ngokuzenzakalelayo uthatha amaphethini anqunywe ubudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini futhi futhi usale ucabanga ngombuzo ongasho lutho, "Kungani ngingakwazi ukwedlula i-ex yami?" Nokho, kufanele kuvunywe ukuthi konke lokhu kungokwemvelo; kungokwemvelo ngomqondo womuntu ukufuna induduzo ezintweni ezijwayelekile nezinethezekile.

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Uthando lufana nesidakamizwa. Ikunikeza phezulu, ikushiya ulangazelele okwengeziwe. Kodwa ngaphezu kwakho konke. ikwenza ubanjwe. Ngakho-ke, akumangazi ukuthi ucabanga nge-ex yakho, okwathi, ngisho noma isikhathi esifushane, yakwenza wazizwa uthandwa. Futhi njenganoma yikuphi ukulutheka, into yokuqala okufanele uyenze ukuvuma ukuthi kunenkinga. Uma usukwenzile, lawa macebiso alandelayo okuthi ungayeka kanjani ukucabanga nge-ex yakho angakusiza ohambweni lwakho lokuphulukisa.

1. Sika bonke ubuhlobo ne-ex yakho

Lesi yisinyathelo sokuqala nesihamba phambili ohlelweni lokudlula i-ex ukuya e-cold turkey. Ngikholwe, the umthetho wokuthi akukho-contact uyasebenza. Uma uthintana ne-ex yakho, khulumani njalo, noma nithumelelana imiyalezo kaningi, manje yisikhathi sokuba niyeke. Ukuba ne-ex yakho empilweni yakho lapho ungekho ngokuphelele phezu kwabo kubuhlungu. Ulokhu ucabanga ngalokho okungenzeka kube namaphupho nezifiso eziphelile kanye nobudlelwano.

Ngisho noma ucabanga ukuthi uphezu kwabo ngokuphelele noma uzithola usho okuthile ngokuhambisana nemigqa ethi “Bengiphuphile futhi manje ngicabanga nge-ex yami kungazelelwe, ake ngisheshe ngibone ukuthi baphetheni”, ungakwenzi. Uyazi ukuthi usudlulele phambili uma usungenandaba nomuntu. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi, gcina i-ex yakho ngaphandle kwempilo yakho, yangempela nengokoqobo.

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2. Lahla izinto ezabiwe nezikhumbuzi

Uma ufuna khohlwa umuntu owake wamthanda, udinga ukususa. Thatha isikhwama sikadoti, bese uqala ukulahla zonke izinto ezikukhumbuza nge-ex yakho. Lelo tshe elitshana owalicosha ogwini lolwandle, lelo thoyizi elithambile akuzuzele lona, ​​lelo dlozi akwenzele lona, ​​ulilahle lonke, noma ulidayise (imali encane edayiswa egcekeni ayikaze ilimaze muntu).

Umqondo uwukuba ungagcini lutho olukukhumbuza ngezinto ezinhle kakhulu mayelana nowayeshade naye noma isikhathi osichithe naye. Le micabango izovusa izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu. Futhi awazi ukuthi ukwelapha "ngaphandle kokubona futhi ngaphandle kwengqondo" kungaba kanjani.

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3. Shintsha isimiso sakho

“Ukudla i-sushi kungenza ngicabange nge-ex yami.” Iya kubha ye-sushi engenakho isilinganiso esihle kakhulu futhi udle ngokuzitikayo. Umphumela wesisu othukuthele uzoqinisekisa ukuthi uzocabanga ngohudo hhayi i-ex yakho noma nini lapho une-sushi. Kulungile mhlawumbe lokhu kweqisa kakhulu, kodwa uyawuthola umqondo.

Umqondo uthi yenza izinkumbulo ezintsha bese ubuyisela ezindala. Ngakho benijwayele ukuhamba phansi olwandle ndawonye. Manje qala ukwehlisela phansi lokho kukusiza ukuthi uhlale usesimweni esihle futhi uziphazamise lapho ucabanga nge-ex yakho. Indlela enhle yokukhipha konke lokho kukhungatheka okulindile futhi.

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4. Zikhumbuze ukuthi kungani nahlukana

Akunakuphikwa ukuthi ukuhlukana kubuhlungu. Utshale isikhathi nomzamo ebudlelwaneni, ucabanga ukuthi lo muntu ungowakho futhi lobu budlelwano buzohlala phakade. Futhi kungase kukukhungathekise ukucabanga ngakho konke owadlula kukho nokuzidela okwenzele ize. Iqiniso lendaba ubudlelwano obuthile noma imishado ayinakusindiswa. Mhlawumbe ubudlelwano buthathe amahithi amaningi kakhulu, noma mhlawumbe babungenaso isisekelo esiqinile, kwasekuqaleni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungani, ubuhlobo baphela ngesizathu.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungase ukhohlwe bonke ubuhlungu futhi usale nezinkumbulo zezinto ezinhle kakhulu ngobuhlobo bakho. Ngakho-ke, ukucabanga nge-ex kuyinto evamile ezimweni ezinjalo. Kodwa futhi kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi kungani nahlukana kwasekuqaleni futhi uma bekuyinto obungayilondoloza, ngabe awukho lapha. Ukwamukela kuyisihluthulelo.

5. Funa usizo kuchwepheshe

Imicabango ye-ex iyakhula ngezikhathi ezithile. Kungokwemvelo. Kodwa-ke, uma imicabango yakho yothando lwakho lwangaphambili ikuhlupha kakhulu kangangokuthi kunjalo ezithinta ubudlelwano bakho bamanje noma ngisho nethuba lobudlelwano besikhathi esizayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo obuseduze noma obubucayi, mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokufuna usizo kuchwepheshe.

Uma uhlangabezana nobunzima ngenkathi uzama ukuqhubekela phambili ebuhlotsheni, ngithembe awuwedwa. Abantu abafuna usizo ezimweni ezinjalo bavame ukukwazi ukuphuma kulokhu kuziphatha kwengqondo futhi baphinde bazizwe kahle. Abeluleki beBonobology basize abantu abaningi ukuba baphile impilo engcono ngokwelulekwa ku-inthanethi futhi nawe ungakusebenzisa lapha.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Manje njengoba usunayo impendulo yombuzo wakho, "Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami?", kufanele ukuthi ukubone ukusebenza kwengqondo nenhliziyo yakho ngenye indlela. Isiphi isizathu kulezi ezingenhla esikuvimba ukuthi ulawule i-ex yakho? Nakuba kungase kube yinoma yini evusa izinkumbulo zesikhathi esidlule, okufanele sikuqaphele lapha umthelela wako kuwe nasebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje.

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Ungakuqeda Kanjani Ukuhlukana Uwedwa?

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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