Izizathu Ezingu-9 Okungenzeka Usacabanga Nge-Ex Yakho

Ukuhlukana kungase kucindezele kakhulu; kungakugcwalisa ukungabaza, intukuthelo, usizi, futhi kwezinye izimo ngisho nokuzisola. Isiyaluyalu esingokomzwelo singaphakamisa imibuzo eminingi engqondweni yakho engase iqhubeke ngisho nangemva kokuba usudlulele ebuhlotsheni obungcono kunobokugcina. Omunye umbuzo onjalo uthi: “Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami lapho nginomuntu omusha?”

Ukuzibuza nge-ex yakho, kaningi, akuyona into engavamile ngoba kuyimvelo yomuntu ukuqhathanisa isikhathi esedlule nesimanje. Ukuyeka ubudlelwano obudlule akulula neze. Masihlanganise amakhanda ethu ukuze sizindle ngezizathu okungenzeka ukuthi ulokhu ubuyela kowathandana naye (ngethemba, engqondweni yakho kuphela).

Kusho Ukuthini Uma Ulokhu Ucabanga Nge Ex Yakho?

Lapho uMarie ezibamba ecabanga nge-ex yakhe ihora elilodwa nje, wethuka. Wayesebudlelwaneni obusha futhi umfana wayemuhle kakhulu, pho kungani ayecabanga ngesikhathi esidlule? Imicabango efana nemizwa engaxazululiwe nebhizinisi elingaqediwe yaqala ukumhlupha. Washayela umngane wakhe omkhulu, u-Tiana, ngaso leso sikhathi, owamsiza wakhulula ingqondo yakhe. U-Tiana wachaza ukuthi ukucabanga nge-ex kuyinto evamile futhi akusho ukuthi usenemizwa enamandla ngomlingani wakhe wangaphambili.

Abantu bayisidalwa esivamile. Ubuchopho bethu buthanda ukulandela inqubo, sithatha indlela efanayo sibuya emsebenzini, sidla amasangweji ngendlela efanayo (kuqala sidle imiphetho bese kuba yisikhungo esimnandi), bese sigqoka amaphijama afanayo akhululekile ubusuku ngabunye, singanaki iqiniso lokuthi acela ukulahlwa. Kunjalo nangendlela esakha ngayo ebudlelwaneni bethu bangaphambilini.

Kulungile ukuthola izinkumbulo ezingemuva lapho wenza okuthile nomlingani wakho omusha obujwayele ukukwenza nowawushade naye. Akusho ukuthi awukakutholi ukuvala, yindlela ubuchopho bakho obuxhunywe ngayo. Kodwa uma lokhu kwenzeka njalo kuwena, kuzomele uthole phansi ukuthi kungani kwenzeka.

Izizathu Ezingu-9 Okungenzeka Usacabanga Nge-Ex Yakho

Ukubhajwa emzileni ongapheli wezinsuku ezinhle zakudala, ungakwazi ukusula izinkumbulo nowakwakho, kungacasula kakhulu uze uzibuze ngokucasuka, “Yiziphi lezi zinkumbulo ezilahlekile ezifika engqondweni yami? Kungani ngisacabanga ngowakwakho ngemva kweminyaka eyi-10?” (Yebo, owakwakho angaqhubeka nokukukhathaza ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eyi-10!) Imizwa yakho ngowakwakho ingahlala isikhathi eside kunalokho obekucabanga, ngezizathu eziyinkulungwane obungeke uzicabange. Ake sifinyelele emnyombweni wendaba ukuze sikusize uthole ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukucabanga ngowakwakho.

1. I-X-factor ku-ex yakho

Esinye sezizathu zokungaxhumani nomuntu wakho wangaphambili kungaba izinto ezincane ozijabulele kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho bangaphambilini kodwa ezingekho ebuhlotsheni bakho bamanje. Kungaba ukuhambisana, induduzo, uthando, ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu ababili , noma yini enye! Ngenxa yokuthi uke wabhekana nalobo budlelwano obushisayo ngaphambili, uyaqhubeka nokubulangazelela.

Omunye wabangane bami engibathandayo, uLiz, usebudlelwaneni obumangalisayo iminyaka emi-2 edlule. Nakuba ebonga ngakho konke akutholile ethandana noSam, ulokhu ebuyela kulokho ayenakho. Ngesinye isikhathi siziphumulele ebusuku, wavuma, “Ngisacabanga nge-ex yami kodwa nginesoka. Uyalibona iphuzu lami lapha? Ungase ube nakho konke owake wakufisa ebuhlotsheni bakho, kodwa kusazoba khona leyo nto eyodwa engase ikugcine ulangazelele okwengeziwe (futhi leyo yinto ehlala iyingxenye engcono kakhulu mayelana nobuhlobo bakho obuhlulekile no-ex wakho).

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2. Usabalandela

Uma sithi uyabalandela, asisho ukuthi ulandela owakwakho ngokoqobo. Ukulandela owakwakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze uhlale umqaphile kuzokuholela ekucabangeni ngaye ngezindlela eziningi. Uma ungumuntu obuza ukuthi, “Kungani ngisacabanga ngowakwakho ngemva kweminyaka eyi-10?”, impendulo iku-Instagram yakho. Awukamsusi ngokuphelele empilweni yakho. Usengufakazi wokuba khona kwabo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo empilweni futhi ngokungazi ubamema emicabangweni yakho.

Ukugcina isheke elivamile ku-ex yakho empeleni kungakulimaza kakhulu kunokuhle. Kungakwenza uthukuthelise, ikakhulukazi uma ubabona beqhubeka ngemva kokuhlukana. Imibhangqwana ehlukana ngokulandela i-tiff embi cishe izozizwa icindezelekile futhi ibe nomona lapho ibona ex yabo ingena ebuhlotsheni obusha. Noma iyiphi indlela, ukugcina ukuxhumana kwakho nabo kwakudala kuqinile ngokusebenzisa inkundla yezokuxhumana kungaba esinye sezizathu eziqinile zokuthi uvumele igumbi lakho lakudala emicabangweni yakho.

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3. Uyamkhumbula umuntu owawukade ukanye naye

Uvame ukuzibuza ukuthi: kungani ngisacabanga ngowakwami? Ake ngikutshele, akuyena owakwami ​​omkhumbulayo; ukhumbula umuntu owawunaye ebudlelwaneni bakho bangaphambilini. Kuyiqiniso elingenakuphikwa ukuthi bonke ubuhlobo nomlingani kuhlukile; ngokufanayo, siba uhlobo oluhlukile lwethu uma sinabantu abahlukene. Uzikhumbula “uqobo” lwakho ebudlelwaneni bangaphambilini ngaphezu komlingani wakho wangaphambilini.

Kungenzeka ukuthi ubunganaki futhi uhlakaniphile ebudlelwaneni bakho bangaphambilini, kanti manje kungenzeka ukuthi usube uzakwenu onokwamukela nokuqonda kangcono. Uzakwethu, uJane, wazithola esesimweni esifanayo futhi waqapha ukuze abone umsuka wembangela. Lapho engasenakukwazi ukuzibamba ebuyela emicabangweni yelangabi lakhe elidala njalo nje, waphetha ngokuthi, “Kungani ngingakwazi ukwedlula i-ex yami? Ngoba ngiyakhumbula engangikade nginaye.

4. Awuzange uthole ukuvalwa ngemva kokuhlukana

“Ukuhlukana kwami ​​kungazelelwe kwangishaya kakhulu. Akazange azihluphe ngokuchaza ukuthi konakelephi… ngabe sakulungisa ndawonye,” kusho umakhelwane wami uRuth. Umuzwa obeleselayo wokulahlekelwa, ubuhlungu, nokucasuka ubonakala ezwini lakhe. “Manje…,” waqhubeka, “nginesoka kodwa kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami nsuku zonke?” Yilokhu ukuntuleka kokuvala okwenzayo kuwe. Ingqondo yakho ihlukumezekile ngenxa yokuphazamiseka ngokomzwelo okungazelelwe futhi ifuna incazelo ngokuhlukana kwakho ngokukubuyisela ezinkumbulo zakudala. Ucabanga ngesikhathi sakho esedlule futhi ngoba ubuchopho bakho buthwele ukuthi kungani nokuthi yini-ifs.

Uma ungakaze uhlangane nomuntu oshadile ngemuva kokuhlukana , uzothola inqubo yokuhlukana inzima kakhulu. Ngaphandle kokuphela, ushintsho lungase lubonakale lungamukeleki ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eyi-10. Futhi, ungase uzithole usenkingeni: kungani ngisacabanga ngomuntu engangithandana naye ngemva kweminyaka eyi-10? Ukungabikho kokuhlangana nomuntu oshadile okungakuvumeli ukuthi ukhohlwe ngomuntu engangithandana naye.

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5. Unezinkumbulo ezinhle ongabuyela kuzo

Siyaqonda ukuthi ubudlelwano benu bangaphambilini babungewona umbhede wezimbali noma ngabe bebungeke bufike ekugcineni . Okuyaqondakalayo futhi ukuthi nina nobabili nenze izinkumbulo ezinhle ndawonye, ​​izinkumbulo ezihlala ziseduze nenhliziyo yenu, zinigubuzele ekufudumaleni kwazo futhi zininike izimvemvane esiswini senu. Kungenxa yalezi zikhathi ezikhethekile enizichitha ndawonye ukuthi nihlala nicabanga ngesikhathi esidlule, bese nizibuza, “Kungani ngisacabanga ngowayengumngane wami nsuku zonke?”

Kungaba izigigaba ezincane ezizuzwe ndawonye, ​​izikhathi zokubungaza, izigaba ezimnandi zobudlelwane, izithiyo ezincane okuhlangatshezwane nazo, nanoma yiziphi ezinye izinkumbulo ezikhethekile ezigcina owake wathandana naye emusha futhi ephila engqondweni yakho. Kungokwemvelo ukukhumbula lezo zikhathi ezikhethekile; izinkumbulo ezimnandi zenzelwe ukwazisa phakade futhi owakwakho angaba ingxenye enempilo yezikhumbuzo zakho.

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6. Ukuzibukela phansi 

Uhlala ulimaza ukuzethemba kwakho, uzikhukhumeza ngokungabaza. Ufuna indawo yokukhosela endaweni oyijwayele bese ubuyela ezikhathini ezimnandi ozichithe ebudlelwaneni bakho. “Ngithole umlingani ongithandayo kodwa kungani ngisacabanga ngowayengumlingani wami?”, kubuza uTania. Uyavuma ukuthi walwa kanjani nokuzethemba okuphansi ngemuva kokuhlukana kwabo, ezibheka njengembangela yalokho. Esaba ukuqala ubuhlobo obusha , funa agcine ephinde ehlushwa inhliziyo yakhe, waqhubeka ebambe isikhathi esichithwe nowayengumlingani wakhe.

Ukhungethwe izinto oye wabhekana nazo esikhathini esidlule, ukuzethemba kwakho kuyancipha futhi ucabanga ukuhlanganisa nowakwakho. Ucabanga ukuthi unozakwethu ongcono kakhulu umuntu angaba naye, futhi umthwalo wokumlahla ukuwe, ngakho uzama ukulungisa izindlela nokulungisa ubudlelwano. 

7. Uqhubeka uqhathanisa isikhathi samanje nesedlule

Uyazibuza, "Kungani ngihlala ngicabanga nge-ex yami nakuba ngingaphezu kwayo?" Esinye sezizathu kungaba ukuthi ubambe i-ex yakho njengendlela yokukala umlingani wakho wamanje. Ngisho noma uke wadlulela phambili ngemva kokuhlukana kwenu, awuzange neze udlule kukho. Usawabuka ngezibuko ezinemibala egqamile, ufise ngasese ukuthi umlingani wakho angafanelana nezindinganiso ezibekwe yi-ex yakho. Ukuqhathanisa kuba sobala nakakhulu uma ungavumelani nokuthile kumlingani wakho wamanje.

Umlingani wakho ukhuluma ihlaya ongalitholi lihlekisa futhi ukhunjuzwa ngokushesha ngowayengumlingani wakho owayenesimo sokuhleka esifana nesakho. Impendulo yombuzo wakho itholakala ekulindeni kwakho kumlingani wakho okuchazwe yisipiliyoni sakho ebuhlotsheni bakho bangaphambilini. Ezimweni zokubuyela emuva kobudlelwano , izindinganiso zangaphambilini zivame ukubuyekezwa, okukwenza ucabange ngobudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini kaningi.

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8. Awukawemukeli iqiniso elibuhlungu

Ukuhlukana kunzima kakhulu ukwamukela, ingasaphathwa eyokukuqeda. Ukwamukela iqiniso lokuthi konke sekuphelile kuyakhathaza futhi kuyabuhlungu kodwa lokho akwenzi kube yinto engenakwenzeka. Esinye sezizathu zokuthi ungakwazi ukuqeda ingqondo yowayengumlingani wakho kungaba ukuthi awukakwamukeli iqiniso lokuthi ubuhlobo buphelile. Inhliziyo yakho engenacala ishaya insimbi ukuze ihlabelele ingoma emnandi ngenxa yokungezwani okukhulu.

Awukakakulungeli ukuvuma ukuphela kobudlelwano futhi usabambelele ethembeni lokuthi ungalungisa izinto. Ukuhlukana kungazelelwe kufana nephilisi elibabayo: awazi ukuthi libaba kangakanani ngaphandle uma ulinambitha, futhi uma selikwenzile, kubonakala kungenakwenzeka ukuligwinya. Ukuphila ngokuphika akukuniki sixazululo futhi kukugcina uxhumene ne-ex yakho. 

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9. Ukuhlukana kwenu kube yinguquko enkulu

Ukuhlukana kwakho kuholele ekushintsheni okubalulekile kwemicimbi okushiye umbono ohlala njalo kuwe. Akusona isikhathi esingaphansi kokuchitha amanzi kuwe. Impilo yakho ngeke iphinde ifane. Okungenani isikhashana, ngeke kube nezinkulumo ezingasho lutho, izingxoxo zasebusuku, azikho izinsuku zosuku, futhi ngokuqinisekile akekho ozobiza umlingani. Kodwa njengoba besho, imikhuba emidala ifa kanzima. Kucishe kungenzeki ukuthi ucabange impilo yakho ngaphandle kwenqubo ezungeze ubudlelwano bakho. Ngakho-ke uma uzibuza, "Kungani ngihlala ngicabanga nge-ex yami nakuba ngingaphezu kwakhe?", Lokhu kungase kube isizathu.

Ngisho noma uzama ukuzinza ebudlelwaneni obusha , amaphethini amadala ajwayele ukukukhathaza. Uthatha ngokungazikhetheli amaphethini anqunywe ubudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini bese uphinda ucabange ngombuzo ongadingi mpendulo, “Kungani ngingamkhohlwa umuntu engangithandana naye?” Kodwa-ke, kudingeka kuqashelwe ukuthi konke lokhu kungokwemvelo; kungokwemvelo ngengqondo yomuntu ukufuna induduzo kulokho ajwayelene nakho futhi akhululekile.

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Uthando lufana nesidakamizwa. Ikunikeza phezulu, ikushiya ulangazelele okwengeziwe. Kodwa ngaphezu kwakho konke. ikwenza ubanjwe. Ngakho-ke, akumangazi ukuthi ucabanga nge-ex yakho, okwathi, ngisho noma isikhathi esifushane, yakwenza wazizwa uthandwa. Futhi njenganoma yikuphi ukulutheka, into yokuqala okufanele uyenze ukuvuma ukuthi kunenkinga. Uma usukwenzile, lawa macebiso alandelayo okuthi ungayeka kanjani ukucabanga nge-ex yakho angakusiza ohambweni lwakho lokuphulukisa.

1. Sika bonke ubuhlobo ne-ex yakho

Lesi isinyathelo sokuqala nesibaluleke kakhulu enkambisweni yokukhohlwa ngomuntu oshadile ukuba yisifebe. Ngikholwe, umthetho wokungathintani uyasebenza . Uma uxhumana nowakwakho, ukhuluma naye njalo, noma nithumelelana imiyalezo njalo, manje sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uyeke. Ukuba nowakwakho empilweni yakho lapho ungakakhohlwa ngokuphelele kuyabuhlungu. Uqhubeka ucabanga ngalokho obekungaba yikho kanye namaphupho nezifiso ezaphela kanye nobudlelwano.

Ngisho noma ucabanga ukuthi uphezu kwabo ngokuphelele noma uzithola usho okuthile ngokuhambisana nemigqa ethi “Bengiphuphile futhi manje ngicabanga nge-ex yami kungazelelwe, ake ngisheshe ngibone ukuthi baphetheni”, ungakwenzi. Uyazi ukuthi usudlulele phambili uma usungenandaba nomuntu. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi, gcina i-ex yakho ngaphandle kwempilo yakho, yangempela nengokoqobo.

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2. Lahla izinto ezabiwe nezikhumbuzi

Uma ufuna ukukhohlwa umuntu owake wamthanda, udinga ukususa imfucuza. Thatha isikhwama sikadoti, bese uqala ukulahla zonke izinto ezikukhumbuza ngowakwakho wangaphambili. Lelo tshe olithathe ogwini lolwandle, lelo thoyizi elithambile aliwinele wena, lelo phupho akwenzele lona, ​​ulilahle lonke, noma ulithengise (imali encane evela ethengisweni legceke ayilimazi muntu).

Umqondo uwukuba ungagcini lutho olukukhumbuza ngezinto ezinhle kakhulu mayelana nowayeshade naye noma isikhathi osichithe naye. Le micabango izovusa izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu. Futhi awazi ukuthi ukwelapha "ngaphandle kokubona futhi ngaphandle kwengqondo" kungaba kanjani.

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3. Shintsha isimiso sakho

“Ukudla i-sushi kungenza ngicabange nge-ex yami.” Iya kubha ye-sushi engenakho isilinganiso esihle kakhulu futhi udle ngokuzitikayo. Umphumela wesisu othukuthele uzoqinisekisa ukuthi uzocabanga ngohudo hhayi i-ex yakho noma nini lapho une-sushi. Kulungile mhlawumbe lokhu kweqisa kakhulu, kodwa uyawuthola umqondo.

Umqondo uwukwenza izinkumbulo ezintsha bese uthatha indawo yezindala. Ngakho-ke nanivame ukuhamba ogwini lolwandle ndawonye. Manje qalani ukugijima phansi kulolo hlu ukuze nizigcine nisesimweni esihle futhi niziphazamise lapho nicabanga ngowakwakho wangaphambili. Indlela enhle yokukhipha konke lokho kukhungatheka okufihliwe.

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4. Zikhumbuze ukuthi kungani nahlukana

Akunakuphikwa ukuthi ukuhlukana kuyabuhlungu. Uchithe isikhathi nomzamo ebudlelwaneni, ucabanga ukuthi lo muntu ungowakho futhi lobu budlelwano buzohlala phakade. Futhi kungakhungathekisa ukucabanga ngakho konke odlule kukho kanye nokuzidela okwenzile ngeze. Iqiniso lendaba ukuthi ubudlelwano noma imishado ethile ayinakusindiswa . Mhlawumbe ubudlelwano buthathe amagalelo amaningi kakhulu, noma mhlawumbe abuzange bube nesisekelo esiqinile, kwasekuqaleni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi imbangela iyini, ubudlelwano buphele ngesizathu.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungase ukhohlwe bonke ubuhlungu futhi usale nezinkumbulo zezinto ezinhle kakhulu ngobuhlobo bakho. Ngakho-ke, ukucabanga nge-ex kuyinto evamile ezimweni ezinjalo. Kodwa futhi kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi kungani nahlukana kwasekuqaleni futhi uma bekuyinto obungayilondoloza, ngabe awukho lapha. Ukwamukela kuyisihluthulelo.

5. Funa usizo kuchwepheshe

Imicabango yomuntu wangaphambili iyavela ngezikhathi ezithile. Kungokwemvelo. Kodwa-ke, uma imicabango yakho ngothando lwakho lwangaphambilini ikukhathaza kakhulu kangangokuthi ithinta ubudlelwano bakho bamanje noma ngisho nethuba lobudlelwano besikhathi esizayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo bubuyela emuva noma bukhulu, mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokufuna usizo kuchwepheshe.

Uma ubhekene nobunzima ngenkathi uzama ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano, ngithembe ukuthi awuwedwa. Abantu abafuna usizo ezimweni ezinjalo bavame ukukwazi ukuphuma kulesi simo sengqondo futhi baphinde babe nomuzwa wenhlalakahle. Abeluleki be-Bonobology basize abantu abaningi ukuba baphile impilo engcono ngokwelulekwa online futhi ungakusebenzisa nalapha.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Manje njengoba usunayo impendulo yombuzo wakho, "Kungani ngisacabanga nge-ex yami?", kufanele ukuthi ukubone ukusebenza kwengqondo nenhliziyo yakho ngenye indlela. Isiphi isizathu kulezi ezingenhla esikuvimba ukuthi ulawule i-ex yakho? Nakuba kungase kube yinoma yini evusa izinkumbulo zesikhathi esidlule, okufanele sikuqaphele lapha umthelela wako kuwe nasebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje.

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Ungakuqeda Kanjani Ukuhlukana Uwedwa?

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