Ingabe Silindele Okuningi Kakhulu Kozakwethu?

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Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ubudlelwano benu buhlala bungcono kakhulu, amathemba aphezulu emshadweni kufanele avalelwe ngaphandle, njengempahla yesiliva ewubukhazikhazi obuthe uzoyisebenzisa uma kufika izivakashi kodwa ugcine usukhohlwa ngakho konke. Noma kunjalo, njengoba kuyimvelo yomuntu, izinto ezilindelweyo ziyayithola indlela yokuphila kwawo wonke umuntu. Ngakho-ke umbuzo uphakama, yiziphi izinto ezilindelwe umlingani emshadweni? Luhlanganisani uhlu “olulindelwe emshadweni”? Ingabe silindele okukhulu kakhulu? Uma kunjalo, sithola kanjani? Senza kanjani umehluko phakathi kokulindelwe okungenangqondo nokungokoqobo ebudlelwaneni?

Ukuze siqonde ukuthi kuyini okulindelekile futhi uma silindele okukhulu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bethu besimanje, obusheshayo, sidinga ukuthatha uhambo lwehle ngomzila wenkumbulo. Ngokuqhathanisa umehluko omkhulu phakathi kwalezi zinkathi ezimbili, uzokwazi kangcono ukubona ukuthi kungani singase silindele okukhulu kakhulu ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Ukulindela okuphezulu ebudlelwaneni kuyabalimaza njalo, kodwa uma "ingabe ngilindele okukhulu kakhulu" kungakaze kudlule engqondweni yakho, qhubeka ufunda ukuze uthole ukuthi wonke umuntu emhlabeni wanamuhla angaba kanjani necala lokwenza kanjalo.

Kuyini Okulindelwe Emshadweni?

Okuqukethwe

Cabanga ngamakhosikazi ngeminyaka yawo-'70s. Babenabangane babo ezingxoxweni ezinde zamantombazane, nodadewabo basemzini ukuze bahlaziye ukuthi uphezu kwaziphi izinto umamezala wabo. Babenabafowabo noyise ababexoxa nabo, baqonda, futhi bahlela izinkinga zabo zezimali. Abanye omakhelwane babagcwalisa ngendlela yokusingatha umndeni, kanti omunye wabafundisa indlela yokwenza ama-pancake angcono kakhulu noma ukuthola umbala ofanele kumaphayi wama-apula.

Babenohide lwabesifazane ababezosiza ekukhuliseni izingane kanti babe nabayeni babo ababegigitheka nabo bese belala embhedeni. Amadoda nawo ayenoxhaxha lwabantu babelane ngemithwalo yabo yemfanelo nezidingo nge. Babenamakilabhu, imiphakathi, nezinhlangano zabesilisa kuphela ababengafuna induduzo nezeluleko. Kuze kube yizikhathi zanamuhla, imisebenzi eminingi kwabesilisa kuphela futhi ubungane bendawo yokusebenza kwakuyinto evame ukufunwa ukubalekela izingxabano zasekhaya. Futhi, kunjalo, babekhululekile ukuhlanganyela izindaba zabo namakhosikazi abo.

Namuhla, kubonakala sengathi zonke izidingo zethu zipakwe naleso sithandwa/umlingane oyedwa. Kumele babe abazali bethu basiphakamise uma siphansi futhi kube indoda yethu, esibhidliza embhedeni. Kufanele babe ngabangane bethu futhi balalele usizi lwethu ngozakwethu. Kumelwe zikhange kithi kusihlwa futhi zingaqondakali futhi zothando phezu kwesidlo sakusihlwa sokukhanyisa amakhandlela esikulungiselele ekhaya.

"Okulindelwe okungashiwongo kuyizihibe ezithule ebudlelwaneni."

Kufanele basifundise lapho sizizwa silahlekile futhi kufanele bahlinzekele imfundo yezingane zethu. Kufanele bakhe kabusha ukholo lwethu esimweni esibucayi futhi baphumelele emphakathini. Zonke izidingo zethu - ezocansi, imizwa, kanye nezinto ezibonakalayo - kumele zaneliswe nguye yedwa. Nathi kumele sibe yimpendulo eyodwa ezidingweni zabo. Yilokho okuhle okulindelwe emshadweni. Ingabe zingokoqobo noma azinangqondo? Qhubeka ufunde ukuze uqonde umehluko phakathi kwakho kokubili nokuthi silindele okukhulu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bethu.

Okulindelwe Okungokoqobo Emshadweni

Wonke umuntu ufukamele amathemba nezinto azilindele ebudlelwaneni. Kakade, ubani ongawufuni umshado ojabulisayo nowanelisayo? Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi imibhangqwana ihluleka ukuqonda umehluko phakathi kwamathemba okungenangqondo namaqiniso ebudlelwaneni, okugcina kuholela ekudumazekeni nasekulimaleni. Uma ufuna qinisa ubuhlobo bakho nomlingani wakho, kufanele ulungise okulindelekile ukuze ukuhlomele kangcono ukubhekana nezinkinga zomshado ezivamile eziza kuwe.

Amathemba angokoqobo yilawo angafezeka. Lokhu okulindelweyo okungaxoxwa kuvunyelwane ngakho. Wena nomngane wakho womshado kungase kudingeke niyekethise kokumbalwa kwakho kodwa lokhu ngokuvamile okulindelekile ukuze kwakhiwe umshado onempilo nojabulisayo. Lokhu kungaba yinoma yini – imisebenzi yasekhaya, ezezimali, ukusondelana ngokocansi, ukwethembana, ukuhloniphana, ukweseka izinjongo zomunye nomunye, izindinganiso ezihlanganyelwe, ukuba umzali, njll. Nalu uhlu lwezinto ezingokoqobo ezilindelwe emshadweni:

Yabelana ngezibopho: Umshado uwubudlelwane. Ungalokothi ukukhohlwe lokho. Bobabili ozakwethu kudingeka bathathe isinyathelo futhi benze umzamo olinganayo ukuze kusebenze. Akufanele kube umthwalo womlingani oyedwa kuphela ukuphatha yonke into, kungaba imisebenzi yasekhaya, ezezimali, noma izingane. Yabelana ngemisebenzi yakho nezibopho zakho
Thembani futhi nihloniphane: Lokhu kufanele kube phezulu ohlwini lwakho lwezinto ezingokoqobo okulindele emshadweni. Ukuhloniphana nokwethembana kubalulekile futhi kuyisisekelo esiqinile sanoma yimuphi umshado. Noma yimuphi umshado ongenazo lezi zici ezimbili ezibalulekile uzoyeka ukuba khona noma uphenduke ubuhlobo obuyingozi komunye noma bobabili umlingani
Vuma ukungavumelani: Ukuthi ningabalingani akusho ukuthi senifanele nivumelane ngayo yonke into. Cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba abantu ababili bavumelane kukho konke. Kodwa okungase kwenzeke wukuhlonipha nokwamukela ukungezwani kwenu. Hlonipha umbono womlingani wakho noma ungavumelani nawo. Ungawaxoshi noma uwadubule. Umuntu ngamunye unomqondo wakhe futhi kulungile
Sekelanani: Besekanani amaphupho, izinhloso, kanye nezifiso zomunye nomunye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zihluke kangakanani kwezakho. Yilokho okulingana futhi ubuhlobo obunempilo kubukeka sengathi. Khuthazanani ukujaha amaphupho enu. Yiba yinsika yokwesekwa okulindeleke ukuba ube yiyo, oshade naye angancika kuyo lapho isimo siba nzima
Bonisa uthando nothando: Lokhu futhi kungenye yezinto ezibalulekile ezilindelwe emshadweni. Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu abashadile bayakhohlwa ukutshelana ukuthi babaluleke kangakanani kubo noma ukuthi babathanda kangakanani. Ukuqinisekisa ngamazwi uthando nothando kuqinisa isibopho phakathi kwabashadile. Ukumane nje "ngiyakuthanda" kungenza izimanga
Jabula futhi waneliseke uwedwa: Khumbula njalo ukuthi unempilo ngaphandle komshado wakho. Ngaphandle komlingani wakho womshado, kukhona abanye abantu ababalulekile nezinto empilweni yakho - abangani, umsebenzi, umndeni, ozakwenu, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, wena. Yiba nesibopho ngenjabulo yakho siqu. Kufanele uzizwe wanelisekile futhi uphelele uwedwa

Umshado onempilo usekelwe othandweni, ekuhloniphaneni, ekuthembaneni nasekuzinikeleni. Ozakwethu bafuna okungcono kakhulu komunye nomunye nakubo ngokwabo. Kufanele nikwazi ukukhula ngamunye ngamunye kanye nabashadile, futhi nithembane futhi nithembele komunye nomunye. Okulindelekile okungokoqobo emshadweni kuhlanganisa ukwazi ukuthi nimi ndawonye lapho nibhekene nezingxabano nezinguquko. Kuwukholo komunye nomunye ukuxhumana futhi nifinyelele ukuqondana ngesikhathi sokungaboni ngaso linye. Ihlanganyela isethi efanayo yezinkolelo, izindinganiso, nezimiso zokuziphatha. Kuwukuhlonipha nokuhloniphana ngawo wonke amaphutha nokungapheleli kwenu.

Ingabe Silindele Okuningi Kakhulu Ebudlelwaneni Bethu?

Uma ubudlelwano besimanje buqhathaniswa nothando ngeminyaka yama-70s, kuyacaca ukubona ukuthi okulindelwe kumlingani womshado kushintshile ngaphandle kokuthi sibe nezwi elikhulu endabeni. “Angilindele okukhulu kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bami,” ungase ucabange, kodwa ngaphandle kokwazi lokho esikulindele ebudlelwaneni kuye kwanda kakhulu.

UDkt. Salony Priya, isazi semishado esizinze eCalcutta, sacaphuna imindeni enezingane ezingashadile noma ezimbili enabazali abane-extra-doting njengenye yezinkinga zesimo sengqondo emishadweni yangaleso sikhathi. Uthi, “Amakhono athinta imizwelo abaluleke kakhulu: ukuphatha imizwa yakho siqu nokuzama ukuthola umuzwa womlingani wakho.Manje, ikakhulukazi e-India yasemadolobheni, sinalesi sizukulwane esisha semibhangqwana enengane eyodwa noma ezimbili.Abazali bafuna ukufeza zonke izidingo nezifiso zengane yabo.

"Indikimba eyisisekelo wukwaneliseka okusheshayo kanye nenjabulo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, lezi zingane zithathwa njengesizukulwane sezindebe - wonke umuntu ungumnqobi, wonke umuntu ukhethekile. Lokhu kuholela ekubeni nomuzwa wemfanelo, isiko 'ngifuna'. Kuncane noma akukho ukuqondiswa kokuziphatha okubi. 'Ukuphola' kuthathe indawo 'yokuziphendulela'.

"Lezi zingane ziyakhula futhi zishade nabantu (njengazo) ezibathandayo nezibanakekelayo, kodwa akekho ongakwazi ukulingisa iqiniso abazali bazo abadalelwe zona ngokufeza zonke izidingo noma izifiso eziphunyuka ezindebeni zabo. Azinasineke sokulinda - noma yini. Azikwazi ukubekezelelana. Zifuna imiphumela esheshayo. Lesi sizukulwane asifuni nje konke kumuntu oyedwa, kodwa futhi sifuna okuningi okudingekayo kulowo muntu oyedwa. akukaze kube okuphuthuma kakhulu kunamanje.”

Njengoba ubona, akukaze kudingeke okungaka ebuhlotsheni obubodwa. Ngisho noma sicabanga ukuthi asilokothi silindele okukhulu kakhulu, ukubheka nje ukuthi izinto zazivame ukuba kanjani ngokumelene nalokho esikulindele kumuntu oshade naye kuze kube manje kuzosibonisa ukuthi sonke sidinga ukuhlehla futhi sizibuze, "Ingabe ngicela okuningi kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bami?"

Sasihlala emiphakathini ehilelekile, futhi sandisa imindeni lapho inkolo nabadala bavala khona izikhala eziningi ngokuzenzakalelayo. Amanethiwekhi nothayi bekungagcini nje ngokunwebeka kodwa kunamandla, futhi abantu bebesebenzisana kakhulu nsuku zonke, ngomqondo wenyama (hhayi ku-Facebook naku-WhatsApp kuphela).

Noma ngabe impilo yesimanje yasedolobheni, izindlu ezihlangene, namashejuli noma umbono omuhle wokuhlukaniswa okuholele ekuhlakazweni kwalezi zibopho zomphakathi nezomndeni, iqiniso liwukuthi sasicebe kakhulu ngokwezidingo zabantu ngaleso sikhathi kunamanje. Okulindelwe ngumfazi kumyeni wakhe kuye kwanda, okuphambene nakho kunjalo.

Ngakho, kuncike nakakhulu kulobo buhlobo obubodwa kunangaphambili. Siphakamise 'uthando' lwaba ubuqhawe obedlulele futhi luyawohloka ngaphansi komthwalo ongabekezeleleki. Uthando lusengozini ebulalayo namuhla ngaphansi kwalokhu kucindezela okukhulu. Kubonakala sengathi “ingabe ngilindele okukhulu kakhulu” akusewona umbuzo okufanele uwubuze, umbuzo manje usuphenduke ukuthi kwenziwa kanjani phatha okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Umuntu oyedwa angazisingatha kanjani zonke izidingo zethu nezinselele? Sidinga iJini ngalokho, hhayi umuntu. “Ngaphandle kwalokho,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKalpana Khatwani, “Ngokungafani namazwe aseNtshonalanga, empeleni siyisizwe esihlangene. E-US noma eYurophu, ngisho nalapho imibhangqwana ihlangana futhi ishada, ngamunye usenokuphila okuhlukile lapho ngamunye enza khona akuthandayo.

Okulindelekile ebudlelwaneni kungase kube nje ukuthola injabulo. Kodwa ngenxa nje yendlela umhlaba osuguquke ngayo futhi ngokuhlanganyela, sesiqale ukulindela okukhulu kakhulu kukho konke, kungase kubangele ukuphelelwa ithemba okubangelwa amathemba aphezulu ebesingazi nokuthi sinakho. Alukho-ke uhlobo olulodwa lobudlelwano obuseduze. Abantu abaningi, abaningi abahlukene bayahlanganyela, ababa nomthelela ezimpilweni zomunye nomunye, banelisa izidingo zomunye nomunye, bayathandana… usuku, unyaka, noma impilo yonke.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kusho Ukuthini Umshado Kowesifazane? Ake Sithole

Amathemba Angenangqondo Emshadweni

Amathemba aholela ekudumazekeni awalona iqiniso. Kujwayelekile ukuthi ube nezinto ozilindeleyo ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa uma lokhu okulindelekile kubonakala kungenangqondo noma i-Utopian, yazi ukuthi ifulegi elibomvu futhi ingaba nemiphumela elimazayo emshadweni wakho. A cwaningo kuyiNational Survey on Marriage in America ithole ukuthi u-45% wabantu abahlukanisile baveze okulindelekile okuyikona okuyimbangela yokuphela komshado wabo.

Okulindelwe okungenangqondo yilawo angakhulunywa. Isibonelo, ukulindela ukuthi owakwakho uzohlale efunda ingqondo yakho noma azi njalo ukuthi yini oyidingayo akwenzeki. Ukukholelwa ukuthi owakwakho akasoze ashintsha akunangqondo. Okulindelwe yindoda noma inkosikazi akunangqondo lapho becabanga ukuthi umlingani wabo uzophatha yonke into yedwa. Nalu uhlu lwamathemba okungenangqondo emshadweni angasho inhlekelele ebuhlotsheni bakho:

Ukulindela ukuthi owakwakho akwenze uzizwe ujabule: Uma ulindele ukuthi oshade naye akwenze uzizwe ujabule noma uphelele, yazi ukuthi uhlela ukulindela okungenangqondo. Awukwazi ukuncika kowakwakho ngenjabulo yakho. Owakwakho angabamba iqhaza noma abambe iqhaza enjabulweni yakho kodwa angeke abe umthombo wayo. Izinto ezikwenza ujabule zingahluka kulezo ezijabulisa owakwakho
Silindele ukuthi owakwakho angaphinde ashintshe: Njengoba besho, ushintsho alunakugwenywa. Kuyimvelo yomuntu ukukhula nokukhula. Abantu bayashintsha ngokwezinkathi zomshado nezinto abahlangabezane nazo. Ukulindela ukuthi owakwakho azohlala efana noma abe ngumuntu ofanayo impilo yakhe yonke noma phakathi nomshado akunangqondo
Ukulindela ukuthi owakwakho afunde ingqondo yakho: Ukuthi ushadile futhi umuntu wakho uyakuthanda akusho ukuthi uyohlale ekwazi ukuthi kwenzekani emqondweni wakho. Bangabantu, hhayi abafundi bengqondo abazokwazi ngokuzenzekelayo ukuthi yini oyifunayo nokuthi yini okuthandayo nongakuthandi. Uma ufuna okuthile kwenziwe ngendlela ethile, batshele esikhundleni sokulindela ukuba baqonde njalo
Ukulindela ukuthi impilo yomlingani wakho izungeze wena: Lona kufanele nakanjani abe sohlwini lwakho lwamathemba angenangqondo emshadweni. Umlingani wakho unempilo yakhe njengawe. Ukulindela ukuthi impilo yomlingani wakho izungeze wena, ungabheki abanye abantu, futhi uhlale unothando akuyona into engokoqobo. Nobabili ninobunikazi benu kanye nobuntu bomuntu ngamunye. Ukulindela ukuthi owakwakho achithe sonke isikhathi sakhe nawe kuwubuwula
Silindele ukuthi indlela yakho ibe ukuphela kwendlela efanele: Siyaqonda ukuthi ungase uzizwe unenduduzo ngokwenza izinto ngendlela yakho kodwa, uma kuziwa emshadweni, udinga ukukhetha izimpi zakho ngokucophelela. Ngezinye izikhathi, kulungile ukuyeka indlela yakho ukuze ufike esixazululweni sokuthula. Kufanele nixoxisane futhi nifinyelele esivumelwaneni noma nivumelane ngendlela yokubhekana nezingxabano emshadweni wenu futhi ngalokho kudingeka nifunde ukuxhumana kangcono nomlingani wakho.

Esikulindele ngokuvamile kusekelwe kokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu, ikakhulukazi ngesikhathi sobuntwana. Ukulindela ukuthi umlingani wakho akulungise noma apholise wonke amanxeba akho akunangqondo. Kubalulekile ukuxhumana uma ufuna ukuphatha okulindelekile emshadweni. Ukulindela okungenangqondo kungadala umonakalo ebuhlotsheni. Xoxani kusengaphambili ngalokho enikulindele koshade naye futhi ngokufanelekile nihlele ukukulungisa.

Umshado uyisenzo sokugcina sothando nokuzibophezela. Ubambiswano lapho izinhlangothi zombili zidinga ukwenza umzamo olinganayo. Hlalani nikhumbula ukuthi niyiqembu elilodwa. Kufanele nihlangane ukwenza umshado usebenze, yingakho kufanele wakhe isisekelo esinempilo kuwo. Thuthukisa amakhono akho okukhulumisana ukuthola lokho omunye nomunye akulindele kanye nezidingo. Futhi, khumbula ukuthi okulindelekile kuyashintsha njengoba umshado uqhubeka, yingakho udinga ukugcina ingxoxo iqhubeka.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ngiyeka kanjani ukulindela okungaka kumyeni wami?

Ngaphandle kokwazi, kungenzeka ukuthi ulindele okukhulu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuthola ukuthi ngabe uphethe okulindelekile okungenangqondo ukuba nengxoxo nomlingani wakho. Khuluma naye ngalokho okufunayo/okulindele futhi ubuze ukuthi yini azimisele ukukunikeza yona. Uyazi ukuthi bathini, umshado wakhelwe phezu kokuvumelana.

2. KULUNGILE yini ukulindela okuthile emshadweni?

Ngezinye izikhathi, ukulindela okungokoqobo emshadweni kuyadingeka. Inkinga iba khona uma uqala ukulindela okukhulu kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma uqala ukulindela kakhulu ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Zama ukuvalela lokho okulindele kumngane womshado.

3. Wazi kanjani uma okulindele kuphezulu kakhulu?

Zibuze izinto ezifana nokuthi "Ingabe ngilindele okukhulu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bami?", noma okungcono, buza umlingani wakho ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Uma umlingani wakho ekutshela ngokuqondile ukuthi ulindele okukhulu kakhulu, unayo impendulo yakho. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza lokho iwukuba nengxoxo ne-SO yakho.

Imicabango Final

Okulindelweyo kungokwemvelo emshadweni, kodwa ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwalokho okungokoqobo nalokho okungekona kuwukhiye wobuhlobo obuhlala njalo. Ngokukhuthaza ukukhulumisana okuvulekile, ukwamukela ukuguquguquka, kanye nokubeka imingcele enempilo, imibhangqwana ingabhekana nokungaboni ngaso linye futhi yakhe ubambiswano olunelisayo. Abelaphi bethu bobudlelwano ingakusiza ukuvumelanisa izidingo zakho futhi uthuthukise ukuxhumana. Xhumana nathi namuhla ukuze uqale ukwakha umshado onempilo, ojabulisayo.

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