Ungamkhohlwa Kanjani Umuntu Owayemthandayo?

Ukuthola ukuthi ungamkhohlwa kanjani umuntu obumthanda ngenhliziyo yakho yonke mhlawumbe kungenye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu okufanele ubhekane nazo empilweni. Akubona bonke ubudlelwano obenzelwe ukuthi buhlale futhi akuzona zonke izindaba zakho zokuqomisana ezenzelwe ukuthokozelwa ngabazukulu. Nakuba iningi lethu liqaphela ukuthi ezingeni lobuchopho, ingqondo yethu yemizwa isazabalaza ukwamukela leli qiniso. Ngisho nangokwengeziwe, lapho sisebuhlungwini bobuhlungu benhliziyo.

Nakuba kukuhle ukukholwa nokuthanda ngokujulile, yazi ukuthi ungathandana, ngokuphelelwa yithemba nangomdlandla, izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa. Futhi lokho akuyona into embi ngempela. Isahluko ngasinye sinesabelo saso esifanele sezikhathi ezijabulisayo nezidabukisayo, kanye nezifundo okufanele uzifunde kanye nolwazi okufanele ulukhumbule. Futhi, kungase kube ingcindezi engadingekile enhliziyweni nasemphefumulweni wakho ukukholelwa ukuthi kufanele ukhohlwe ngokuphelele ngothile ukuze ukwazi ukuqhubeka.

Kungenzeka yini ukusula izinkumbulo zomuntu owake wahlala endaweni enkulu enhliziyweni yakho noma ingabe kuhlala kuhlala endaweni ethile engqondweni yakho njengendaba engakaqedwa? Ngochwepheshe wengqondo uJaseena Backer (MSc Psychology), onguchwepheshe wokuphathwa kobulili nobudlelwano, ake sizame ukuqinisekisa ukuthi lesi sithiyo asizwakali njengomsebenzi onzima. Ungamkhohlwa kanjani umuntu owake wamthanda? Kuthatha izinsuku ezingaki ukukhohlwa umuntu? Ngolwazi namathiphu awusizo avela kuchwepheshe, ake siwachaze.

Ungake Uyeke Ukuthanda Umuntu?

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJuhi Pandey (MA Psychology) ngaphambilini sitshele iBonobology ukuthi, “Uma umuntu enamathele komunye ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, nangokwenhlalo, akugcini nje ngokwakha uxhumano lwemizwa kodwa futhi kushintsha ingqondo yakho ezingeni lemizwa. Ama-neurons akho ahlanganiswe nezinkumbulo ozidala nsuku zonke. Ukuzisusa kudinga isikhathi, okuhlukile kumuntu nomuntu.”

Ngakho-ke impendulo yokuthi ungadlula kanjani umuntu ihlukile njengomuntu ngamunye. Abanye abantu bangase baqhubekele phambili ngokuthuka ngenxa yesimo sabo sengqondo esivamile ngempilo. Abanye bangase bagwebe ukudabuka ngenxa yokunamathelana okukhulu. Zombili lezi zimpendulo zivumelekile ngokulinganayo, inqobo nje uma uzethemba futhi uqhubeka nokwenza umzamo ofanele ekwelapheni amanxeba angokomzwelo.

Ngokusho kocwaningo olukuyi-Journal of Positive Psychology , kuthatha okungenani amasonto ayi-11 ukuthi abantu baqale ukululama ebudlelwaneni obuphukile. Kodwa umbuzo usalokhu ukhona, ungayeka yini ukuthanda umuntu? Mhlawumbe awudingi, mhlawumbe kuyindaba yokwamukela ukuguquguquka kobuhlobo bakho naye ngemva kokuba senihlukene.

Sithanda ukuphakamisa omunye umbono. Esikhundleni sokuzindla ngokuthi ungayeka yini ukuthanda othile noma cha, sincoma ukuthi uguqule ukugxila kwakho ekuzithandeni wena. Senze inqubo enezinyathelo ezintathu ezokusiza ukuthi uqhubeke ugcina lo mbono engqondweni.

Ungamkhohlwa Kanjani Umuntu Omthandayo? Ukuzijwayeza Ithimba Kuyisinyathelo sokuqala

Uma uthando luphela, ungase uzizwe sengathi inhliziyo yakho iyashona. Ngeke sikufisele inhlanhla. Kungase kuzwakale sengathi awusoze wamthola umuntu ongaphinde umthole. Uzozizwa ulahliwe futhi ungathembi izwe elikuzungezile. Ungase udele uthando ngokuphelele. Ukuze ukwazi ukulwa nayo yonke le mizwa emibi, udinga ukwamukela iqiniso lokuthi ubuhlobo buphelile. Ukuphika kuyisitha esikhulu uma uzama ukunqoba umuntu obusondelene naye kakhulu.

Ukubambelela kuzinkumbulo zakudala ngeke kukusize ngalutho. Ukucabanga ubuso babo efasiteleni lesitolo segrosa, ukuhogela emicamelo yakho engageziwe - lezi yizo zonke izinto ezizovimbela inqubo yokukhohlwa othile. Ngakho-ke ngaphambi kokuthi ukhiphe omunye ubhavu ka-ayisikhilimu, ake sibhekane nenkinga yokuthi ungadlula kanjani umuntu ongasahloselwe ukuba abe sempilweni yakho.

Isixwayiso: uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungamkhohlwa kanjani umuntu ngokushesha, yazi ukuthi ayikho intonga yomlingo yokuvala imizwa. Imizwa yabantu ayisebenzi ngokumnyama nokumhlophe okuhlukile. Kodwa-ke, ukuzihlukanisa nomuntu omthandayo kuzokwenza ibhola lihambe kahle. Ngisho noma ukususa izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu ngokuphelele kungenzeki, kuzokwenza kube lula ukubhekana nazo. Okokuqala, udinga ukudala isikhala sokuphefumula. Ukuze udale lesi sikhala udinga ukuvalelisa kancane kancane ebuhlotsheni, kancane kancane. Qala ngokusebenzisa umthetho wokungathintani bese siwuthatha kusukela lapho.

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1. Zivumele ukhale futhi udabuke

Ukukhala kuyindlela yokukhulula ubuhlungu nobuhlungu esivame ukuyichaza kabi njengophawu lobuthakathaka. Ukuba buthakathaka nokudabuka akulona uphawu lokungakwazi. Kumane nje kuyindlela yokubonakalisa isiyaluyalu esingaphakathi kuwe. Zinike isikhathi sakho ukhale uma kudingeka. Ungagcini ukudabuka kwakho ngokumomotheka mbumbulu. Ngisho noma uyindoda kulungile ukukhala ngangokunokwenzeka. Ukuba namandla akukhona ukuvala imizwa yakho nokulahla izihluthulelo kodwa ukukwazi ukwamukela nokwamukela isimo sakho semizwa.

U-Jaseena uthi, "Ukukhala kuyindlela enhle kakhulu yokuzikhulula, yokukhipha imizwa evaliwe nentukuthelo. Kodwa kakhulu futhi ulimaza amathuba akho okwenza noma iyiphi indlela. Thatha isikhathi sakho, ukhale, futhi uziveze kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka. Kodwa ungakwenzi umkhuba ngaphandle kwalokho ungase unamathele kakhulu emizweni yakho yokudabuka nokuthukuthela."

2. Ungadli imizwa yakho ukuze ukhohlwe umuntu owaphula inhliziyo yakho

Abantu abaningi baphendukela ekuminzini ukuze babhekane nemizwa yabo. Lokhu okukhulu UNGAKWENZI uma uzama ukukhohlwa umuntu omthandayo ngokujulile. Kungokwemvelo ukufuna induduzo kokuthile okukududuza kubo bonke ubuhlungu. Kodwa kungani unganciki kumkhuba okhiqiza kakhulu njengokubhala iphephabhuku lapho unenkinga yokukhohlwa othile osondelene naye ngokomzwelo?

Kubalulekile ukukhipha imizwa. Ngakho-ke uma indlela eya kulokho idinga ukuthi ubavimbe, ususe inombolo yabo yokuxhumana, noma ushise izithombe zabo, kufanele uyicabangele. Sicela ungazilimazi wena noma omunye umuntu ohlelweni. Umqondo uwukuzihlukanisa nayo yonke imizwa engemihle ukuze uqale ukucabanga ngokuhluzekile nangokucacile.

3. Susa izinto zabo emehlweni akho

Empeleni kunezinto ezimbalwa ongazenza ukuze ukhohlwe umuntu omthandayo ezilawulwa nguwe. Udonga olugcwele izithombe zabo ezigqolozele wena ngqo noma ama-sweatshirts abo alele ku-wardrobe yakho iyiresiphi yokuwohloka ngokomzwelo okuzovela. Sithembe, akuyona indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza lokho.

Yenza lokhu esikhundleni salokho - qoqa izimpahla zabo, ushayele uze ufike endlini yabo, uzishiye lapho, futhi ungaziniki isizathu sokubuyela emuva. Uma udinga, ungakhetha ngisho nokungababoni abangani bakho abaseduze isikhashana. Vele uxhumane nabo ngesidingo sakho sesikhala. Khumbula nje, akubona ubugovu ukucela lokho okudingayo ukuze ubuyele emuva ngemva kokwehluleka okukhulu.

4. Ungashayeli ezindaweni ezifanayo zakudala

Ukushayela eduze kwendawo yokudlela ovame ukuya kuyo ngothando lwakho noma ulandele isitolo sabo sika-ayisikhilimu esiyintandokazi yizo zonke izinto ezizokwenza ungakhululeki futhi udabuke kakhulu ngokuhlukana. Sekuyisikhathi sokuphuma kuleyo nqubo futhi ulungise entsha. Thola izindawo ezintsha ongaya kuzo futhi wenze izinkumbulo ezintsha, ezijabulisayo lapho.

Zama ukugwema izindawo lapho wabelane khona izikhathi ezimnandi nowayekade ekhona. Ukuvakashela kabusha izindawo ezindala, ezijwayelekile nokukhumbula lezo zinkumbulo kuzokunika ubunzima. Akukhona ukuthi kufanele ulahle ngokuphelele lezo zindawo ezindala. Kodwa kuze kube yilapho uthola umuntu obumthanda ngokujulile, kungasiza ukugwema noma yiziphi izinto ezingase zibe yizicucu zesiphepho esidabukisayo.

5. Ukuze ukhohlwe othile, yeka ukuskrola amaphrofayili akhe ezinkundla zokuxhumana

Uma ugaqele izinkundla zokuxhumana zomuntu wakudala futhi ulandelela konke umnyakazo wakhe, uzozithola usubuza, “Kungani kunzima ukukhohlwa umuntu omthandayo?” Ukuzama ukwazi konke mayelana nempilo yabo ngemva kwakho ngeke kukusize ukwakha eyakho. Kuncane, kuyakhathaza, futhi kuzokubuyisela emuva ohambweni lwakho lokudlula i-ex yakho. Ngakho, siyaphinda, yekani ukubacupha!

Futhi, ungazami ukuphakamisa umdlalo wakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngoba nje wazi ukuthi owayethandana naye uhlola iphrofayela yakho. Ungafaki izithombe ukuze azibone bese ekukhumbula. Vimba iphrofayela yakhe uma kudingeka.

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6. Ungabusebenzisi kabi utshwala ukuze ukhohlwe umuntu

Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi utshwala buyimpendulo yokukhohlwa umuntu okuphathe kabi. Njengoba empeleni ingasula lezo zinkumbulo kancane, abantu bavame ukuthola ikhambi losizi lwabo ekupheleni kwebhodlela, futhi ngokushesha bazithole sebebhekene nokuncika okukhubazekile.

UJaseena uthi, “Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa nganoma yiluphi uhlobo kuyalimaza. Ukuphuza ukuze ukhohlwe othile noma ukuzitika ngezidakamizwa kuletha impumuzo yesikhashana kodwa kungabangela umonakalo ohlala njalo. Ngaleso sikhathi, kuzwakala kulungile. Kodwa kufanele uhlale ubuyela empilweni evamile. Ungasebenzisi ngokweqile le nto bese uyivumela ikuhlukumeze.”

Uphuzo oludakayo lungase lube lukhulu ekuphumuzeni ngaso sonke isikhathi kodwa kuyindlela embi kakhulu yokususa umuntu engqondweni yakho. Uma uzama ukukhohlwa umuntu ombona nsuku zonke, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi kulula ukuphuza ubuhlungu. Kumane kuwukubalekela inkinga yangempela engase ikuphushele kwentsha. Inkinga yokuphuza yinto yokugcina oyidingayo ukuze wengeze osizini lwakho.

7. Yeka ukubafuna ezintweni ezikuzungezile

Ngesikhathi uqhubeka nemisebenzi yakho yansuku zonke, ungase uzibone ucabanga ngaye futhi umkhumbula. Uma usuzame ukubonisa umuntu ukuthi uyamkhathalela isikhathi eside, akulula ukumkhohlwa. Uma le micabango nezinkumbulo ziphakama, ungazixoshi, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, zivimbele esenzweni sazo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, le mizwa yokulangazelela izoqhubeka nokuvela, ungamenywanga.

Uma usuhlale nabo isikhathi eside, cishe yonke into eseduze nawe izoba yisikhumbuzi nesicuphi. Ngazo zonke lezi zimbangela, ungase uzizwe sengathi ubambeke ku-loop engenakwenzeka. Kodwa ungaziniki ubunzima. Esikhundleni sokugwema zonke izinto ezikukhumbuza ngazo, zama ukwenza ukuthula kancane kancane nabo noma uvele uzikhiphe unomphela.

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8. Yeka ukulalela uhlu lwabo lwadlalwayo ukuze ukhohlwe othile

Ukucabanga ngezingoma abazithandayo noma ukulalela umculo ababewudansela ekhishini kuzokuphazamisa nje umzamo wakho wokubuyisana nesikhathi esidlule . Lezo zikhathi azikho okwamanje. Ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuthi uzishiye zinjalo bese wenza ukuthula nesikhathi esidlule esikhundleni salokho.

Ukuze unqobe othile ngokushesha, sula izinhlungu ngokusula umculo wakhe ocingweni lwakho. Ukulalela ingoma kungabuyisa imizwa eminingi. Umculo uyababa ngaleyondlela. Kodwa lokho kulungile ngoba nakho kuyashintsha njalo. Thola izinhla zokudlalayo ezintsha ozozivumelanisa nemizwa yakho nemizwa yakho.

Dala isikhala ukuze ubambe imizwa yakho. Qaphela, abantu abaningi bazama ukubalekela lesi sinyathelo ngoba sinzima kakhulu. Kodwa, ukuthatha isinyathelo sokuqala kubalulekile uma ngempela ufuna ukuba ohambweni lokukhohlwa othile obalulekile kuwe.

Indlela Yokudlula Umuntu? Ingcweti Yobuciko Bokudedela

Uma usuthathe isinyathelo sokuqala ngokuzikhipha emizweni emibi kanye nokuhlukumezeka, ungadlulela esigabeni esilandelayo, ubuciko bokukhulula. Ngeke ukwazi ukuya phambili inqobo nje uma uvumela imizwa yakho ikuqhube. Njengoba uqala ukucabanga ngokuhluzekile, uvaleleka endleleni engcono kakhulu yokuqhubekela phambili.

Nokho, ukuzenza kahle lobu buciko kudinga ukuzijwayeza okuningi. Uma uzwa ubuhlungu, ukudedela into yokugcina ongathanda ukuyenza, futhi okwenza kube into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuyenza. Njengoba uqonda, uzwela, futhi ucabangela isimo, uqala ukuthola izimpendulo. Amathiphu alandelayo azokusiza ngezisekelo zobuciko obuyinkimbinkimbi bokuqhubekela phambili ngenkathi unciphisa ubuhlungu nobuhlungu.

1. Gxuma usuke esitimeleni

Siyaqonda ukuthi lolu hambo lwesitimela luyalutha. Lucishe lukwenze ucabange kabi. Singathanda ukugxuma silubuke ludlula kuwe ukuze uthole ushintsho. Ungase ungakwazi ukulahla ngokuphelele izinkumbulo ezindala kodwa ngokuqinisekile ungadlula umuntu ngokushesha uma ungavumeli lezo zinkumbulo ezindala zikugubungele.

U-Jaseena uyasikisela, "Ayikho indlela yokukhohlwa izinkumbulo zobudlelwane. Izinkumbulo ziyabuya lapho uvakashela izindawo ezifanayo zakudala noma ubuka amafilimu amadala owathandile. Kuhlale kunezisusa eziningi ezikuzungezile. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuzisiza iwukuzama ukungagxili kuzo. Zivumele zidlule ngendlela ezithanda ngayo kodwa ziqhubeke."

2. Qonda ukuthi yini ngempela engahambanga kahle

Kunezinsuku lapho sonke siye sazibuza, “Kungani kunzima ukukhohlwa umuntu omthandayo?” Hhayi-ke, ngoba imizwa yethu ivame ukusinqoba futhi ukulangazelela kwenza okwedlule kubonakale kucwebezela kunalokho obekuyikho. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokubhekana nakho futhi ukhohlwe othile okuphule inhliziyo iwukucabanga okunengqondo, okunengqondo. Ngokuhlala uzikhumbuza ukuthi kungani izindlela zokuhlukana bekuwucingo olulungile, ngeke usakwazi ukubuyela othandweni nabo futhi uqede ukuhlukana ngokushesha. 

UJaseena uthi: “Kunzima kakhulu ukuqonda ukuthi yini eyayingahambanga kahle ekuqaleni ngoba lapho izinto ziqala ukuwohloka, izincazelo azibi ngokoqobo ezimweni eziningi.

3. Gwema ukuziqinisa ukuze ukhohlwe uthando oluhlangothi olulodwa

Ukukhohlwa uthando lwempilo yakho kuwumsebenzi omkhulu futhi ngeke kube lula. Ngaphezu kwalokho, akuzona zonke izinsuku ezizozwakala sengathi ziyimpumelelo, ikakhulukazi uma ufuna ukunqoba umuntu ombona nsuku zonke. Lokho kungaba buhlungu kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukukhohlwa uthando oluhambisana nohlangothi olulodwa noma ukubhekana nokwenqatshwa.

Kodwa konke kulungile. Akuzona zonke izinsuku okufanele zinqotshwe futhi awukwazi ukuzizwa ungumpetha ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ezinye izinsuku zizoba nzima kunezinye futhi kungase kungabi bikho okuningi ongakwenza ukuze konke kuhambe ngomlingo. Yidla ama-pop-tarts amaningi kakhulu ekuseni, bukela umculo owuthandayo kuze kube sebusuku kakhulu noma ulale usuku lonke. Uma nje le mikhuba ingaqhubeki, ungazivumela izinsuku zokukopela lapho uzama ukukhohlwa ngomunye umuntu.

4. Ukukhohlwa umuntu okuphathe kabi, zama ukuthi ungamcasuki

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izinto zehla kanjani noma yiziphi izinto ezilimazayo abazisho kuwe, intukuthelo ejulile ngeke ikuvumele ukuba uguquke. Akusho lutho ukuthi ubani owashayela ubuhlobo noma ubani owashiya. Ukuze unqobe umuntu ngokushesha, kufanele ukhiphe yonke imizwa yakho yokugula. Kungase kubonakale sengathi ukugqugquzela ubutha kuzokwenza kube lula ukuqhubekela phambili kodwa akunjalo.

Awudingi muntu noma amaphutha akhe ahlala engqondweni nasenhliziyweni yakho mahhala. U-Jaseena uthi, “Ukuthethelela okuqotho nokusuka enhliziyweni kunqunyelwe isikhathi. Uma kukhona amanxeba amabi futhi kungavaliwe, ukuthethelela kwangempela kuthatha isikhathi sakho. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi kusabaluleke kakhulu.” Ukuze uzihlukanise ngokweqiniso othandweni oludala, kufanele ubathethelele ngokweqiniso, ucabange ngakho konke okwakwenzekile.

Ukubamba igqubu elingenangqondo kuzomane kutshale imbewu yokukhathazeka ngokumelene nabo futhi ngeke kukuvumele ukhohlwe umuntu owaphula inhliziyo yakho. Ake sibhekane neqiniso, uzama ukukhohlwa umuntu ongakuthandi nawe. Umuzwa wokucasuka nokuhlazeka nakanjani uzokushaya kabi ngosuku olubuhlungu. Noma ngabe kubonakala kunzima kangakanani, kubaluleke kakhulu noma ngabe yisoka noma intombi enobuthi ekuphathe kabi.

5. Zijwayeze ukuzixolela kuqala ukuze ukhohlwe umuntu owaphula inhliziyo yakho

Umuntu wokuqala okudingeka umxolele ngemva kokuhlukumezeka okunjalo nguwe. Ngokwe-athikili eyanyatheliswa kuyi-Stanford Medicine, ukuzihawukela kuholela enhlalakahleni engcono engokomzwelo nangokwengqondo, isimo sengqondo esihle, nobudlelwane obunempilo. Lo mkhuba uzokusiza ukuthi uxolele ngokweqiniso futhi ukhohlwe umuntu okuphulile. Kuphela ngemva kokuzithethelela lapho ungakwazi ukuthethelela abanye.

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Ungaqhubeka kanjani? Gxila Ekuphulukiseni

Ah, wamukelekile esigabeni sokugcina senqubo eqhubekayo, ukuziphilisa. Ngemva kokuzihlukanisa nemizwa engemihle futhi uyiyeke, ungagcina uzithathe bese uqala ukuzakha kabusha. Ukuphulukiswa kweqiniso kwenzeka lapho samukela izici zangaphandle futhi siqala ukwenza izinguquko ngaphakathi kwethu.

Udinga ukuphendulela amehlo akho ngaphakathi kumanxiwa amahle futhi uwakhe ngezitini ngezitini zibe inguqulo emangalisa kakhulu yakho. Lolu kuzoba uhambo olwanelisa kakhulu oke waluthatha.

1. Yamukela ukuthi udinga lolu shintsho

Uma uziphoqa ukuthi ukhohlwe umuntu omthandayo, awusoze wakwazi ukukwenza ngendlela efanele. Kuzokwenza kuphela ukukhungatheka okwengeziwe kanye nentukuthelo ngaphakathi kuwe ngisho nakuwe. Enye yezinto zokuqala ongayenza ukuze ukhohlwe umuntu omthandayo ngendlela enempilo ukwamukela iqiniso.

Khuluma nawe futhi uziqinisekise ukuthi udinga ukwenza lokhu. Udinga ukukhohlwa uthando lwempilo yakho futhi azikho izindlela ezimbili ngakho. Akuzona zonke izinguquko okufanele zibe zimbi, nakuba zingase zikwenze uzizwe sengathi umhlaba wakho uyahlakazeka. Ufinyelele kulesi siphetho ngoba wazi ukuthi wawudinga. Yamukela lolo shintsho ukuze uqhubeke nobuhlungu benhliziyo.

2. Yenza ubuciko ngesikhathi sakho

Ungakwazi yini ukukhohlwa ngokuphelele ngomuntu omthanda ngokweqiniso? Mhlawumbe, mhlawumbe akunjalo. Kodwa uma uqondisa kabusha isikhathi namandla akho kuwena, uzokwazi ukuqhubeka nempilo yakho engokomzwelo nengqondo. Enye yezindlela ongakwenza ngayo lokho iwukuhlanganisa isikhathi sakho nezinto ezikulethela injabulo nokwaneliseka. Zivocavoce, penda, futhi uthathe amabhavu amade amade ngokulinganayo. Yenza noma yini ezokwenza uzizwe ungcono ngawe.

Namathela kushejuli futhi ube matasa ngezinto ezincane ozithandayo. Umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa, ubungane obusha, ubudlelwano obusha, nezinto ezintsha kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokuvala isikhala esidalwe ukuhamba komuntu obumthanda ngokujulile. Ukujoyina ikilasi le-spin, ukubhaka inqwaba yamakhekhe, noma ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi ugqoka ekuseni ezinye izinto ongazizama. Uma usuqaphela ukubaluleka kwenhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo nangokwenyama futhi uzibophezele enqubweni yokwelapha, izinsuku ezinelanga ngeke zibe kude kakhulu. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Nasi Isizathu Sokuba Kubalulekile Ukwenza Izinkumbulo Ezintsha

3. Bhala ngezinsuku ezinzima zokukhohlwa othile

Awudingi ukubhala usuku ngalunye uma ungafuni. Kodwa ngezinsuku lapho izindonga zibonakala zivalekile futhi udinga indawo yokuphuma, kufanele ubhale ngakho konke okuzwayo. Kwesinye isikhathi ukubhekana nemizwa yakho akulula njengokuqhubeka nempilo yakho sengathi akwenzekanga lutho. Kuyinqubo, futhi ukuzihlola kuyisici esibalulekile saleyo nqubo.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuzwa wecala, ubuthakathaka, noma ukuphelelwa yithemba ukubuyela kuzo - kubhale phansi konke. Tshela ijenali yakho zonke izimfihlo zakho ezijulile nezimnyama njengoba uzama ukukhohlwa uthando lwempilo yakho. Yindawo ephephile, akekho ozokwahlulela imizwa yakho. Ukubona izindaba zethu ephepheni kunikeza ubukhulu obusha kanye nokucaca ngempilo yethu. Kubalulekile ukuthi uthembeke ngokuphelele ngenkathi ubhala ijenali. Ukwethembeka kuwe kukusiza ukuthi uqonde kangcono ubudlelwano bakho.

4. Yidla, khuleka, thanda — Yenzani izinto ezinhle indlela

Ungamkhohlwa yini umuntu omthanda ngempela? Uma uJulia Roberts engakwenza, nawe ungakwenza. Ifilimu ethi Eat, Pray, Love isifundise ukuthi noma yini ingenziwa lula ngokuthatha isikhathi esithile emsebenzini wakho wansuku zonke. Siyaqaphela ukuthi ukuhlukana nomuntu kunzima futhi akukho mqondo osebenzayo, ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukukhohlwa umuntu osondelene naye ngokomzwelo.

Ngesikhathi esinjengalesi, ezinye zezithombe zakho ezinhle kakhulu zokuzelapha kungaba yiholide, ubusuku bokuphuma kwabafana/amantombazane , ikhefu lomsebenzi, noma ngisho nokujoyina ikilasi le-yoga. Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho akudingeki kube mayelana nokuthola uthando lweqiniso futhi. Ezinye izinto zingaba mayelana nokuthola ukuthula nenjabulo. Ngakho-ke ukuze ukhohlwe umuntu ngokuphelele, yenza okuthile okuphathelene NAWE.

5. Yiba phakathi kwabantu abakuthanda ngempela

Obathandayo bazokusiza njalo ukuthi ubone ukuthi ubaluleke kangakanani futhi bakusize ukholwe ukuthi kunezinto ezinhle ezikulindile. Ngakho lapho uchitha isikhathi nabangane bakho noma nomndeni wakho, uyabona ukuthi usuthandwa kangakanani. Lokhu kukusiza ukuthi uqonde ukuthi ufanelwe okungcono kakhulu, esikhundleni sokukhala ngomuntu ongakuhloniphi noma ongakuthandi.

Ukuthola umuntu omkhathalela ngokujulile kuba lula uma unesistimu yokweseka eqinile oncike kuyo. Ungakubukeli phansi ukusebenza kwempelasonto nabazali bakho, noma ubusuku obungalawuleki neqembu lakho lezigelekeqe lapho uzama ukukhohlwa othile ngokushesha. Okunye ukunakekelwa kweqiniso nothando kungasebenza njengomuthi womlingo.

7. Thola kabusha amandla akho ukuze unqobe othile ngokushesha

Zindla, manzisa umzimba, futhi ungadli. Yenza lokhu kube yisiqubulo noma ukubeke njengephosta ekamelweni lakho lokulala. Noma yini yokuzikhumbuza njalo ukuthi ungumuntu obaluleke kakhulu empilweni yakho. Sivame ukukhohlwa ukunaka izindlela ezijulile zokuxhumana nathi ukuze sibe nenhlalakahle engcono. Ngakho-ke lokhu kudabukisa kwenhliziyo makube yisizathu sokuzithola nokuthola injabulo ngemva kokuhlukana.

Ukuzindla kanye ne-yoga ezinye izindlela ezinhle zokwenza lokho. Ngisho nokuhamba ngezinyawo epaki ngomculo omnandi kungenza iqhinga ngezinye izikhathi. Lapho umzimba nengqondo yethu ihlale izama ukukhohlwa othile, wonke amandla ethu aqondiswe kuleyo nto eyodwa. Ukuzifuna kabusha kanye ngesikhathi kuzokunikeza umuzwa owengeziwe wokuzola nokuqonda ukuthi ungubani.

8. Isikhathi selapha zonke izilonda

Isikhathi siyindlela yokwelapha emangalisa kakhulu yobuhlungu bakho bonke. Uthando alupheli kodwa nokubhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo kunjalo . Lapho ugxila kakhulu ekutheni ungaqhubeka kanjani ngokushesha, kuba nzima kakhulu. Kunalokho, zama ukuyeka. Themba isikhathi sokuvuka futhi.

Ezinsukwini ezimnyama, zitshele, "Ngike ngakwenza lokhu ngaphambilini futhi ngingaphinda ngikwenze. Kuyindaba yesikhathi nje. Isikhathi silungisa yonke into." Lapho ukukholelwa kakhulu lokhu, uzozizwa ungcono. Nawe kuzomele wenze umsebenzi, yebo, kodwa inkolelo yokuthi nalokhu kuzodlula ikunikeza indawo ezinzile yokuthi uqhubeke usebenza.

9. Yenza izinto ukuze uzithande!

Isambulo esikhulu kakhulu sempilo ukufunda ukuthi ngeke udinge ukuqinisekiswa komunye umuntu uma nje uzithanda ngokwedlulele. Ukuzithanda kusho ukuzitotosa, ukuqonda imigomo yakho, nokwethemba imizwa yakho engokwemvelo. Ungalindi kuze kufike umlingani olandelayo ukuthi akuthole futhi akuthande.

Yiba matasa ngokuzithanda kangangokuthi awusamdingi omunye umuntu ukuze uzizwe uphelele. Gxila ezintweni ezikukhuthazayo, kungaba umsebenzi wakho, umndeni, abangani, noma umsebenzi wezenhlalakahle. Thatha le misebenzi uye kwelinye izinga ngokutshala imali yakho kuyo futhi ufunde ngawe kuleyo nqubo. Kwazi bani, maduze nje uzoba abantu abakhuthazayo. Ukuqhubekela phambili kumayelana nokuphinde uthole ukuzethemba kwakho nokukukhulisa kuze kufike ezingeni lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho nawe buyinjabulo enkulu kunabo bonke.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuzithanda – Amathiphu angu-21 Okuzithanda

10. A rebound relationship is a big no if ufuna ukuqhubeka

Ukuholela omunye umuntu ocansini olukhululekile kubonakala kungenye yezindlela ezilula zokukhohlwa uthando lwempilo yakho. Kodwa empeleni, lena indlela engaphumelelanga neze yokususa izinkumbulo zalowo owake waphila emqondweni nasenhliziyweni yakho. Ungazilimazi wena kanye nozakwenu ongase abe yi-rebound ohlelweni lwakho lokuthola ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani. Qiniseka ukuthi uyaphola uma usulungile futhi ungaziqhayisa ngomuzwa othile wokuzinza.

UJaseena uyeluleka, “Kunezizathu eziningana ezenza abantu bangene ebudlelwaneni bokubuyela emuva ngemva kokuhlukana. Ungase ukwenze lokhu ukuze ucasule owayeshade naye noma uzame ukumkhohlwa. Ngokusobala, ukubuyela emuva kuyisigaba sesikhashana, ngisho nokuma. Lokhu kuyisimo sesikhashana esikwenza uzizwe uthandeka kodwa ukungabi naqiniso kwakho kuzobonakala ngokushesha noma kamuva. Uma imizwa isiphelile, ungase uqaphele ukuthi uthathe zonke izinqumo ezingalungile.”

Kumele ukhumbule ukuthi uthando luzophinde lwenzeke, lokho kuyimvelo yalo. Esikhundleni sokuluxosha uthando, kufanele uvumele leyo nqubo ukuthi iqale futhi ushiye okwedlule lapho kufanele. Akwenzeki ukuthi ukhohlwe umuntu ngokuphelele noma ukhohlwe ngomunye umuntu ngendlela engeke iphinde idlule emqondweni wakho. Kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi uqhubeke futhi uzithande wena nomunye umuntu futhi.

Sizamile ukubeka umhlahlandlela wohambo lwakho lokuphulukiswa. Uma unamandla okwanele ukuqhubeka nayo yonke inqubo ngokwenkolo, uzozithola usesimweni esihle. Bheka, kukhona into eyodwa kuphela eqhubekayo empilweni futhi leyo ushintsho - olushintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nendawo. Ekugcineni, sonke siyadlula ebuhlungwini obubuhlungu futhi ngolunye usuku sizothandana futhi . Sithemba ukuthi iziphakamiso zethu zizothulise inhliziyo yakho ebuhlungu isikhashana futhi imikhuba izoba nomthelela omuhle ohlala njalo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.