Uma ucabanga ukuthi ukubhekana nokuntula ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni kunzima, cabanga futhi. Isiyaluyalu sibonakala siphindeka kabili uma kufanele ube nengxoxo exakile mayelana “nayo”. Nokho, izinto akufanele zibe ngale ndlela. Kungaba khona isimo lapho nobabili niba nengxoxo evulekile mayelana nalokhu futhi niphume kukho njengombhangqwana oshadile onamandla.
Umshado unenselele futhi ngezinye izikhathi uyisicefe. Kunezikhathi lapho ungezwa khona ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho buhle. Ukuntuleka kokusondelana kungaba esinye sezizathu ezinkulu zalokhu. Ungase ufune ukukhuluma nomkakho ngokuntula ukusondelana kodwa awukwazi ukuthi ungayiphendula kanjani le ndaba. Nazi izinto ezingu-8 ezingakuqondisa.
Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokukhuluma Nonkosikazi Wakho Ngokuntula Ukusondelana
Okuqukethwe
Ungakuveza kanjani ukuntuleka kokusondelana? Uma lo mbuzo ubulokhu ukhathaza engqondweni yakho, uhlelo lokuqala lwebhizinisi ukuqonda ukuthi ukuntuleka kokusondelana kuvelaphi. Isazi sezocansi uDkt. Rajan Bhonsle , iNhloko yoMnyango Wezokwelapha Ngocansi e-KEMHospital naseSeth GSMedical College, eMumbai, uthi, “Ukugwema ucansi kungaba yindaba ethinta inhliziyo phakathi kwemibhangqwana. Kodwa-ke, akuyona yonke imishado engenabo ucansi elinganayo. Uma ubulokhu unempilo yocansi eqinile neyanelisayo emashumini ambalwa okuqala omshado, bese uhlangabezana nokwehla kokuxhumana okuseduze, khona-ke ukwamukela lolu hlelo lwemvelo lwezinto kungaba lula.
Nokho, uma ukuntula ukusondelana kubangelwa izinkinga ezingakaxazululwa emshadweni noma inkinga yangempela ekhona iyizinkanuko zobulili ezingafani, khona-ke ukuxazulula le nkinga kungase kube nzima nakakhulu. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukukhulumisana okuqotho nokungafihli lutho, ngaphandle kokubeka icala noma ukumangalela, kumelwe kube isisekelo sokukhuluma nomkakho mayelana nokusondelana.”
Ngakho-ke, uma uzithola uzibuza ukuthi, “Ngingakhuluma kanjani nomkami ngomshado ongenabo ucansi?” futhi uma ubudlelwano obungenabo ucansi bubangela ukucindezeleka komunye wabantu abasebuhlotsheni, sekuyisikhathi sokuxoxa ngezinto. Uma ugwema le ngxoxo isikhathi eside, isimo sizoba sibi kakhulu.
Uma ungakwazi ukuthola ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani ngokusondelana emshadweni ngokungqubuzana okuncane, bheka amaphuzu angu-8 angezansi ukuze uthole usizo:
1. Qiniseka ukuthi usendaweni yengqondo ezinzile
Uthukuthele futhi ukhungathekile futhi kulokhu kugijima kwemizwa, okufunayo nje ukukhipha inhliziyo yakho. Zimise khona lapho. Akukho okuhle okuke kuqhamuke nengxoxo egqugquzelwa intukuthelo. Ukubhekana nokuntula ukusondelana kuyisihloko esibucayi futhi kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi kubhekwane naso ngokucophelela okukhulu.
Ukuthukuthela kunendlela yokucekela phansi izinto eziningi, ungakuvumeli konakale umshado wakho. Yiba nale ngxoxo kuphela uma usendaweni ezolile engqondweni. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ngokuvamile lapho amadoda engalali ngokwanele emshadweni wawo, aqala ukuthethisa abalingani bawo.” Nokho, lokhu kuyomane kumqhelelene nakakhulu futhi kwenze ukubuyisana kube nzima nakakhulu.”
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2. Qiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho ukhululekile
Ngaphambi kokuba unqume ukungena engxoxweni, qiniseka ukuthi umkakho ukhululekile. Khetha indawo lapho nobabili nikhululekile. Qinisekisa ukuthi ukhululekile endaweni yakhe futhi ukhululeke ngokuphelele. Isimo esizolile sizohambisana kakhulu nendlela asabela ngayo. Ungakhetha futhi ukumkhipha ayophuza ikhofi noma iziphuzo ezimbalwa.
Uma izinkinga zakho zijule kakhulu noma imizamo yakho yokukhuluma nomkakho mayelana nokuntuleka kocansi esikhathini esedlule ibangele ukungqubuzana okubi, kungasiza ukubopha omunye umuntu.
3. Ungakuvezi ngokuphelele
“Ngingamtshela kanjani mkami ukuthi ngidinga ukusondelana okwengeziwe?” Wamangala uJoshua, kuphinde kunqatshwe omunye umkakhe. Lokhu kwasekuyiphethini emshadweni wabo kusukela kwazalwa indodakazi yabo. Wahamba wathula, wafulathela umkakhe walwa nokudinwa kwakhe.
Lapho esondela kuye ukuze ambuze ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle, uJoshua wavele wathi useqalile ukumcasukela ngokugodla ucansi ngamabomu, njengokungathi ufuna ukumjezisa, ngaphandle kokuzama ukuqonda isizathu sangempela sokugwema ukusondelana nomkakhe . Leyo nkulumo eyodwa engacabanganga yalimaza umshado wabo nakakhulu.
Uma nawe uzama ukuthola ukuthi ukhulume nomkakho mayelana nokuntula ucansi, yazi ukuthi kungcono kakhulu ukuthi ungamangali ngokuphonsa ibhomu ngaphandle kokuluhlaza. Mxwayiseni! Mazise ukuthi kunento ebikuhlupha ongathanda ukuyixoxa naye. Unelungelo lokwazi mayelana nengqikithi yengxoxo/uhambo kusengaphambili futhi angabanjwa engalindele.
4. Ungashayi ehlathini
Siyaqonda ukuthi lokhu akuwona umsebenzi olula. Ukuzikhukhumeza nokuziphazamisa ngezinye izihloko kungase kubonakale kunenzuzo okwamanje. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lokhu kuzokwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Lena indlovu egunjini ongeke ukwazi ukuyigwema. Lapho uzama kakhulu, kuzoba kubi kakhulu.
Gwema ukushaya ihlathi bese unamathela esihlokweni osiphethe. Kungaba usizo ukuhlela ingxoxo kusengaphambili futhi uyiprakthize ukuze wazi kahle ukuthi yini ofuna ukuyisho futhi ungagcini ngokudelela lokho okubalulekile ngempela. Lokhu kusiletha ephuzwini elilandelayo.
5. Cacisa, uthembeke futhi ukhululeke
Ngakho-ke, ungakhuluma kanjani nomkakho mayelana nokuntula ukusondelana? Ngokucaca, ukwethembeka nokuvuleleka. Ucwilise uzwane emanzini, manje sekuyisikhathi sokucwila phakathi. Ngenkathi udalula ujula engxoxweni, qiniseka ukuthi ubeka obala ukuthi ukuntula ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni kukuthinta kanjani ngendlela engaqondakali.
Ungakhulumi ngezinto eziphicayo. Gxila ekuthuthukiseni ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho . Uyazi ukuthi ufunani futhi naye unelungelo lokwazi. Uyazi ukuthi ubhekene nokuntuleka kokusondelana, khuluma iqiniso ngakho. Uma ukusondelana sekuphelile ebudlelwaneni okuwukuphela kwendlela ongaveza ngayo iphuzu lakho ngempumelelo ukuvuleleka ngokuphelele kuye.
6. Ungadlali umdlalo wokusola uma kukhulunywa ngokuntula ukusondelana
Udinga ukunyathela ngokucophelela njengoba le ndawo ithambile. Ukusola nokujikijela izinsolo akuyona indlela. Kunalokho, zama ukwenza iziphakamiso. Batshele okuthile othanda ukukwenza nabo futhi ufake enye into ongathanda ukuyihlola. Leli akulona ithuba lokuthi uveze amaphutha nokungazethembi komlingani wakho.
Kunalokho, yithuba lokuba nengxoxo enempilo yokuthi nobabili ningakhula kanjani njengombhangqwana futhi nithuthukise izikhathi zenu zokusondelana. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi: “Njengoba ubhekana nemiphumela yokuntula ukusondelana ebuhlotsheni bakho, ungalibali iqiniso lokuthi angeke kube lula nakumkakho, angase abe nezizathu zokungafuni ukuya ocansini, futhi lezo akunakwenzeka ukuba zibe mnandi,” kusho uDkt.
Sebenzisa izitatimende ezithi 'I' ukuze ubeke iphuzu lakho ngaphandle kokwenza kubonakale sengathi unesibopho ngandlela thize ngakho. Isibonelo, ukuthi 'Nginomuzwa wokuthi asinalo olwanele ucansi' kungenzeka kwamukelwe kangcono kunokuthi 'Awusafuni ukuya ocansini nami'.
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7. Yizwa futhi uqonde umbono wakhe
Manje njengoba usukhulumile kancane, sekuyisikhathi sakho sokulalela. Qiniseka ukuthi ulalele ngempela. Uzozama ukukwenza ubone izinto ngombono wakhe. Kungumthwalo wakho njengomlingani wakhe ukuqonda umbono wakhe. Kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nezinkinga ezithile okungaba yimbangela yokuntula ukusondelana.
“Uma kuyindaba yobulili obungafani, kungenzeka ukuthi lokho okukholelwa ukuthi ukuntuleka kokusondelana kwanele kuye. Ngake ngeluleka umbhangqwana lapho umyeni wayenomuzwa wokuthi akukho ukusondelana okwanele emshadweni kanti umfazi wathi babesanda kwenza ucansi ezinsukwini eziyi-10 ezedlule futhi wayengacabangi ukuthi ukuvama kocansi emshadweni wabo kwakuncane nhlobo.” Udinga ukuvuma nokuqaphela lezi zinkinga bese usebenza ekuvuseleleni i- chemistry yocansi ebuhlotsheni bakho.
8. Fikani esiphethweni okuvunyelwene ngaso
Ngemva kokuba nobabili seniveze imibono yenu, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi nithole uhlelo lwesenzo bese nifinyelela esiphethweni. Lokhu kufanele kube yinto okuvunyelwane ngayo yizinhlangothi zombili. Kufanele uthole indawo ephakathi nendawo ezuzisa ngokufanayo. Ungazizwa udangele uma ungenzi konke ngendlela yakho.
Noma yibuphi ubudlelwano bubandakanya ukuyekethisa. Okubalulekile ukuthi nenze intuthuko njengombhangqwana. Ngakho ekugcineni uke waba nenkulumo kodwa ngeshwa, uthola ukuthi umlingani wakho akafuni ukusondelana. Ubhekana kanjani nalokhu? Funda ku...
Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.
Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Umaqondana Wakho Engafuni Ukusondelana
Kungaba nezizathu eziningi zokuthi umlingani angafuni ukusondelana. Kungaba yizizathu eziyinkimbinkimbi ezivela ezindabeni ezijulile, izinkinga zempilo, noma nje ukuntula induduzo. Uma umkakho noma umlingani wakho ekutshela ukuthi babhekene nezinkinga ngokusondelana, indima yakho ukumeseka.
Ukusebenzela umshado nokubasiza baqonde ukuthi kungani lokhu kungenzeka kuyindlela yokuqhubekela phambili. Nazi amathiphu ambalwa.
1. Zihlole
Ukungazizwa wanelisekile ngokocansi emshadweni wakho kungaba yinto ekhathazayo kakhulu. Ucwaningo olusekelwe ku-General Social Survey e-US lapho u-19% wemibhangqwana ebike ukuthi isebudlelwaneni obungenabo ucansi luhlobanise ngokuqondile ukuzibandakanya ngokocansi namazinga enjabulo. Kulesi simo, kungokwemvelo ukuthi ufune ukuthatha isinyathelo sokulungisa lesi simo.
Kodwa-ke, ngaphandle kokukhuluma nomkakho ngokusondelana, kufanele futhi ucabange ngokuziphatha kwakho. Zama ukukhumbula ukuthi ngabe wenze okuthile okwenza umlingani wakho angakhululeki noma aphatheke kabi. Lokhu kungenzeka ukuthi kuholele ekuntulekeni kokusondelana. Ungabuza futhi umlingani wakho ukuthi ngabe umbangele ukungakhululeki nganoma iyiphi indlela. Uma umzwise ubuhlungu umlingani wakho ngandlela thile, awukwazi ukumsola ngokungakufuni ukusondelana. Kubalulekile ukuthi uxolise ngobuqotho ngokumhlukumeza.
2. Thola ukushintsha kwendawo
“Ngingamtshela kanjani mkami ukuthi ngidinga ukusondelana okwengeziwe?” Uma unenkinga ngalo mbuzo, khumbula isisho sakudala esithi 'izenzo zikhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi'. Kwesinye isikhathi sibambeka kuwebhu yendlela yokwenza size singaboni ukuthi sidinga ikhefu. Kungenzeka ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nisebenzise ukushintsha indawo.
Hlela ukuhlehla kwabashadile. Iholide eliphumuzayo lingenza izimanga ukulungisa ukuntula ukusondelana. Futhi kuyindlela enhle yokuphakamisa umoya wakho uma uzwa sengathi ubudlelwano obungenabulili bubangela ukudangala. Uzobuya ohambweni lwakho uvuselelwe, ukhululekile futhi useduze kunangaphambili.
3. Banike isikhathi
Isizathu esikhulu esenza umkakho noma oshade naye angafuni ukusondelana kungaba ukucindezeleka. Kungaba ingcindezi ehlobene nomsebenzi/abasekhweni/izihlobo/abangane noma ezinye izizathu eziyibhiliyoni. Ngisho nomshado uhilela ukutshala izimali eziningi ngokomzwelo. Uma ukusondelana kungasekho ebudlelwaneni, kwesinye isikhathi into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukunikeza owakwakho isikhathi.
Bangase badinge isikhathi nendawo bebodwa ukuze babuyele endleleni efanele. Yiba nokusekela ngangokunokwenzeka kodwa khumbula ukungacindezeli. Isikhala somuntu siqu sibalulekile ebudlelwaneni , ngakho-ke banike isikhala sokuphefumula. Ungasiza ngokubatholela ama-voucher e-spa noma e-salon ukuze abasize ngempela baphumule.
4. Baqonde
Zama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho ebhekene nalolu daba. Khuluma nabo futhi ubone ukuthi ungasibona yini isizathu esiyinhloko sokungafuni kwabo ukusondelana. Uma ususitholile isizathu, nobabili ningasilungisa. Uma ukusondelana kungasekho ebudlelwaneni, ukungezwani phakathi kwabalingani kuzobhebhethekisa isimo.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, yilapho futhi imibhangqwana isengozini enkulu yokuphazamiseka kokukhulumisana okungabangela imibono eyiphutha ukuba ikhule. Lokhu kungaba yisimo se-Catch-22 uma singasingathwanga ngokuzwela. Njengomlingani womuntu okungenzeka ukuthi ulwa nezinkinga ezivimbela izifiso zakhe zemvelo, leyo onus iwela kuwe.
5. Xhumana nochwepheshe
Uma uzame konke kodwa kubonakala sengathi akukho okusebenzayo, kungase kube isikhathi sokuthintana nochwepheshe. Kungase kube nezinkinga ezijulile ezihlobene nokuntula ukusondelana ongase ungakwazi ukuzilungisa kodwa uchwepheshe angakwazi. Ungathintana nomelaphi ongakusiza nobabili uma ukusondelana kungasekho ebudlelwaneni.
Bazokusiza ubhekane nezinkinga zakho ngendlela enempilo. Izikhathi eziningi asiqapheli nokuthi sidinga usizo lochwepheshe kuze kube sekwephuzile. Ungacabanga ukukhuluma nochwepheshe ovela eqenjini labeluleki beBonobology noma ukhulume nochwepheshe wezokwelapha ofanelekayo oseduze nawe.
Ukuntula ukusondelana kungaba iqhubu ebudlelwaneni kodwa akulutho ongeke udlule kukho. Ngokuqonda, uthando kanye nokwesekwa, ungakwazi ukunqoba lo mgoqo futhi ubuyele endleleni izinto ezaziyiyo. Lena ngenye yezinselelo emshadweni enisondeza eduze. Sithemba ukuthi manje usuyazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma umlingani wakho engafuni ukusondelana. Ungakhathazeki, kukhona ukukhanya ekugcineni komhubhe!
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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
