Izizathu Eziyisi-7 Ozizwa Ungakhululekile Ebudlelwaneni Bakho Nezinto Ezi-3 Ongayenza

Ukukhathazeka kuwumzwelo ovamile, ovamile, futhi ngokuvamile onempilo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungokwemvelo kangakanani ukuzwa ukukhathazeka, kuvamile ukuzibuza, “Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?” Ukuzizwa ungahlaliseki ebudlelwaneni kungabukeka njengokuhlala uzibuza wena, umlingani wakho, kanye nobudlelwano bubonke. Ukukhathazeka okungokwemvelo kungaba, "Ingabe ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane noma angithandani?"

Kulesi sihloko, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinolwazi ngokuhlukumezeka Anushtha Mishra (MSc., Counseling Psychology), ogxile ekuhlinzekeni ngokwelashwa ngezinto ezikhathazayo ezinjengokuhlukumezeka, izinkinga zobudlelwane, ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, usizi, nesizungu phakathi kokunye, ubhala ukuze aphendule le mibuzo kanye nezinto ongazenza ukuze ubhekane nokukhathazeka ngobuhlobo futhi uqonde ukuthi ukukhathazeka kobudlelwane noma umuzwa wamathumbu.

Kungani Ngizizwa Ngingakhululekile Ebudlelwaneni Bami - Izizathu Ezingenzeka Eziyi-7

Ukungakhululeki umuzwa wokukhathazeka noma ukungakhululeki. Ungase ube nobuhlobo besithombe-ephelele noma zihloselwe ukuba ndawonye futhi nokho uzizwe ungakhululekile, okungase kukushiye udidekile. Ziningi izizathu ezenza umuntu akhathazeke ebudlelwaneni bakhe.

Ukuqonda lezi zizathu kungasisiza ukuba siqaphele okwenzeka ngaphakathi kwethu ngaphandle kokucabanga ngokweqile ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwane. Lokhu futhi kuvula indlela yokubhekana nokukhathazeka ngozwela olwengeziwe. Ngakho-ke ake singene ngezizathu zokuthi ungase uzizwe uboshelwe ebuhlotsheni bakho.

1. Ubhekene nokwesaba ukushiywa

UJoanna (igama-mbumbulu), oneminyaka engaba ngu-24 ubudala, weza kimi nokukhathazeka ngokukhathazeka abelokhu eba nakho ebuhlotsheni bakhe bezinyanga ezingu-8, ethi, "Ngizizwa ngingakhululekile eduze nesoka lami nakuba ngimthanda. Akuyona yini inqaba lokhu? Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?" Wayekhathazekile ngokuthi ucabanga ngokweqile ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano. Ngamqinisekisa ukuthi lokho akulona iqiniso. Sicabange ngendlela ukwesaba ukulahlwa okumbangela ngayo ukukhathazeka, ekhathazeka ngokuthi umlingani wakhe angase ahambe ngolunye usuku futhi asale.

Izinkinga zokulahla ebudlelwaneni noma ukwesaba ukulahlwa kungase kubonakale sengathi uhamba ukhuphuka netshe elisindayo emahlombe akho. Yilapho ukhathazekile ukuthi abantu obakhathalelayo bangase bakushiye noma balahlekelwe yibo. Kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukanisayo kakhulu futhi bekungokukaJoanna naye.

Ucwaningo kubonisa ukuthi ukuntuleka kokuxhumana okungokomzwelo nangokomzimba noma ukunganakwa kwabazali ngokomzwelo kungase kuholele ekwesabeni ukulahlwa. Ukulahlekelwa yingane noma isenzakalo esibuhlungu esihlobene nesehlukaniso noma ukufa emndenini kungakwenza wesabe ukulahlwa nawe.

2. Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwesikhathi esidlule

U-Joanna wayenomlando onzima wobuntwana nobudlelwane. Ebudlelwaneni bakamuva, ubanjwe isipoki ngumlingani wakhe futhi wayengakaze anikezwe ukuvalwa ngemuva kokuhlukana kwakhe. Njengoba ezibeka kwesinye sezikhathi zakhe, "Bengilokhu ngenziwa ukuthi ngizizwe ngingazinzile ebudlelwaneni bami. Ukuzizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami, ngisho nomlingani onothando, bekuyinto evamile kimi. Ebudlelwaneni bami bokugcina, kwaba sengathi ngishiywe. Nganyakaziswa kakhulu futhi manje ngikhathazekile ukuthi lokhu kungase kuphinde kwenzeke."

Okwenzeka esikhathini esidlule kwenze ukuphila kwethu kuze kube manje futhi kungokwemvelo ukuthi kuthinta konke esinakho ukuya phambili. Kuyaqondakala-ke, ukuthi zinethonya emicabangweni yethu, izinkolelo zethu, nendlela esibona ngayo umhlaba futhi zizulazule ebudlelwaneni bethu.

Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kungabandakanya, kodwa kungagcini lapho, ukuba nobudlelwane obunesiyaluyalu noma obuhlukumezayo. Ukulahlekelwa abazali, ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane nokunganakwa, kanye nesimo sasekhaya esinesiphithiphithi ngezinye zezinto ezimbalwa ezingabangela imizwa yokungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni.

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3. Kuya ngesitayela sokunamathiselwe esakhiwe ebuntwaneni bakho

"Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?" Kungase kube ngenxa yesitayela sokunamathisela owasenza ebuntwaneni bakho. Indlela esizihlanganisa ngayo nabanye abantu abadala inomsuka wayo endleleni esasisondelene ngayo nabanakekeli bethu abayinhloko ebuntwaneni bethu. Njengengane, kubalulekile ukuzizwa uphephile futhi uvikelekile, kodwa, lapho lowo muzwa wokuphepha ungekho, kuholela ekutheni ingane yakhe izitayela zokunamathisela ezikhathazekile noma ezingavikelekile.

Izitayela zokunamathisela zinqume ukuthi sibona kanjani futhi sibhekane kanjani nokusondelana nokusondelana ngokomzwelo, ikhono lethu lokuxhumana ngezidingo zethu, kanye nezindlela esisabela ngazo ezingxabanweni. Isitayela sokunamathisela esikhathazekile noma esingavikelekile sivame ukubonakala kubantu abazizwa bengaphumuli ebudlelwaneni.

UJoanna walandisa, “Ngangimncane kakhulu lapho abazali bami behlukana futhi lokho kwangishiya ngizizwa ngingalondekile ngisemncane. Bengilokhu ngingakhululeki eduze nesoka lami nakuba ngingakwazi ukusho isizathu salokho. Ingabe ubuntwana bami bungaba esinye sezizathu zalokho?” Lokhu kusenze sathola isitayela sakhe sokunamathiselwe, esasinengxenye ekukhathazekeni ayekuzwa ebudlelwaneni bakhe.

4. Unokwesaba ukuzinikela

Ukwesaba ukuzinikela yilapho wesaba ukusondelana noma uzimisele ngothile. Lokhu kungakuvimbela ukuba ujabulele ubudlelwano obunenjongo futhi kungakwenza uzibuze, “Kungani ngingakhululeki ebudlelwaneni bami? Ingabe ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano noma angithandani nomlingani wami?” Isizathu esivelele kakhulu sokuzizwa ngale ndlela yilapho unezinkinga zokuzibophezela lapho ulokhu ungabaza ubudlelwano noma ujabule kukho.

Lokhu futhi kunezimpande zako kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho okudlule njengokuhlukana okubuhlungu, ukubona ubuhlobo obunzima phakathi kwabazali bakho, isehlukaniso, noma ukulahlwa ebuntwaneni noma usumdala. Ukwesaba okuwumgogodla wukuthi ukulimala. Lokhu ukwesaba kwangempela futhi kunemiphumela kubo bobabili abalingani ebudlelwaneni futhi ngokuvamile kuholela emizweni yokungakhululeki.

5. Wesaba ukwaliwa

Sonke siyakwesaba ukwaliwa, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni. Kungenye yokwesaba okujulile ebudlelwaneni umuntu anabo. Uma ucabanga ukuthi, "Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebuhlotsheni bami?", Kungase kube ngenxa yokwesaba ukwenqatshwa. Kuvela futhi ekwesabeni okujulile kokushiywa wedwa, ukulimala, nobuhlungu.

Lokhu kungasenza singabi nobudlelwane obuseduze futhi kusishiye sizizwa siboshelwe ebuhlotsheni. Sivame ukuhoxa kubantu kunokuba sibe sengozini yokufinyelela nokwaliwa. Lokhu futhi kusivimbela ekuvezeni imizwa yethu eyiqiniso.

Ukwesaba ukwaliwa kubangela nokungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni ngokujwayelekile, ikakhulukazi ubudlelwano bothando. Ngokuvamile kuholela ekukhathazekeni okungapheli kokuthi umlingani wakho uzokwenqaba, futhi uzoshiywa wedwa futhi ulimele.

6. Unokuzethemba okuphansi

Ukuzethemba kwakhiwe umuzwa wethu siqu kanye nemibono esinayo ngathi. Kuthinta indlela esizizwa ngayo ngathi. Ukuzethemba okuphansi kuveza ukungazethembi kwethu okujulile nokukhathazeka, okugcina kuholela ekungakhululeni noma ekukhathazekeni ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kuphendula umbuzo osunesikhathi eside: Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?

U-Joanna, ngenxa yokwesaba kwakhe ukulahlwa kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kwesikhathi esidlule, naye wabhekana nakho izimpawu zokuzethemba lapho ayengakwazi ukwamukela ukuthi othile angamthanda noma amthande. Akakwazanga ukuhlukanisa phakathi kokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano noma umuzwa wamathumbu. Lokhu kuhlale kumenza angabaze ubudlelwano bakhe, nakho obekungenye yemithombo emikhulu yokukhathazeka kwakhe ngobudlelwano.

7. Kunomlando wesifo sokukhathazeka

Ukukhathazeka kuwumzwelo ovamile novamile esiba nawo futhi inani elithile lakho nakanjani lizokwenzeka ekuphileni komuntu. Kodwa-ke, ukuphazamiseka kokukhathazeka kuwumqondo ongapheli wokukhathazeka nokwesaba.

Uma umuntu esevele enanoma yiziphi izinkinga zokukhathazeka, amathuba okuthi ukukhathazeka kungavela ebudlelwaneni maningi. Kufana nendawo yokuzalanisa nokukhathazeka. Ukukhathazeka osekukhona kakade kubangela ukukhathazeka okwengeziwe ngaphandle uma kukhona ukungenelela okufika ngesikhathi lapho uhlola izindlela zokubhekana nakho.

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Izinto Ezi-3 Ongayenza Uma Unokukhathazeka Ngobudlelwano

Ukuzibuza ukuthi "Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?" noma ukuba nozakwethu onokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano kungaba nzima futhi kube nzima ukubhekana nakho. Okuhlangenwe nakho kungase kube nzima noma ungase uzizwe sengathi ubuhlobo buzophela ngenxa yemicabango eqhutshwa ukukhathazeka. Kodwa akumele kuthathe lowo mzila.

Kunezindlela ezahlukene ongabhekana nazo, ucubungule, futhi ukubhekana nokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano ukuthi wena noma umlingani wakho nizizwa. Ukuqwashisa ngokukhathazeka kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibheke ekwelapheni kukho futhi ngezansi kukhona amathiphu amathathu okuthi ungazulazula kanjani kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okunzima.

1. Yamukela indlela ozizwa ngayo

Kubalulekile ukwamukela nokucubungula imizwa ebuhlungu noma eqinile ukuze ukwazi ukuyizulazula. Kuphela uma wamukela ukuthi uzizwa ngendlela ethile futhi ngokushesha ukuzijwayeza ukuhambisana kwemizwa ungenza okuthile ngakho. Ukwamukela kunzima futhi kungaba nzima ngenxa yezahlulelo esizinikeza thina, kodwa futhi kuyakhulula. Kukukhulula embuzweni wangaphakathi: Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?

Thola 'isondo lemizwa', futhi ukhombe ukuthi uzizwa kanjani uma ulizwa. Kungaba intukuthelo, amahloni, ukudabuka, ukungakwazi ukuzisiza, noma umuzwa wecala. Uma usukwazi lokho okubonakala kuwena, kwamukele ngaphandle kokukugxeka.

Ukwamukelwa kuvula indlela yenqubo yokwelapha. Eyodwa cwaningo yabonisa ukuthi ukwamukela imizwelo kuhlobene kakhulu nempilo engokwengqondo nokwaneliseka. Abantu abamukelayo kunokuba bahlulele lokho abakuzwile ngokwengqondo bangathola impilo engcono engokwengqondo, ngokwengxenye ngoba ukwamukela kubasiza ukuba babe nomuzwa ongemuhle omncane ekuphenduleni izingcindezi. Lokhu kuthatha umzamo omkhulu, ngakho ukufinyelela ukusekelwa kungakusiza kulokhu.

2. Khuluma nomlingani wakho

Angikwazi ukugcizelela ngokwanele ukuthi ukuxhumana kubaluleke kangakanani ebudlelwaneni, kungaba platonic noma ezothando. Uma uzithola ubuza, "Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?", Zama ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho yokukhathazeka nomlingani wakho, khuluma ngendlela ozibuza ngayo nobudlelwano, nokuthi ufuna bakusekele kanjani.

Izingxoxo eziqotho zihlala ziqinisa ubuhlobo. Ziphinde ziqinise izisekelo zobudlelwano futhi zikusize uthole izici ezahlukahlukene zobudlelwano benu ndawonye. Kulungile uma ungazi yonke into ngaphambi kokuba uqale ingxoxo. Kulungile ukuthatha into eyodwa ngesikhathi. Uma ingxoxo iba namandla, thatha isikhathi sokuphuma kodwa yenze iphuzu lokubhekana nokukhathazeka okungenzeka wena noma umlingani wakho nikuzwa.

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3. Funa ukusekelwa

Ukufuna ukwesekwa kubangani bakho, umndeni, kanye nochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo kungakusiza uzizwe unamandla futhi uyeke ukukhathazeka “okungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni bami”. Kungenye yezimpawu ezinkulu zamandla - ukucela usizo oludingayo.

Eqinisweni, omunye wabaningi ucwaningo okwenziwa lapho belulama ekukhathazekeni kubonisa ukuthi abantu okungenani ababenomuntu oyedwa ekuphileni kwabo, owabanikeza umuzwa wokulondeka ngokomzwelo kanye nokuphila kahle, babesengozini ephindwe kathathu yokuba nempilo enhle kakhulu yengqondo.

Thembela ohlelweni lwakho lokusekela. Uma kuba namandla, kuhlale kuwumqondo omuhle ukufuna ukwesekwa kuchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo. Ama-MHP aqeqeshelwe ukukuyisa kulolu hambo lokungakhululeki futhi akusize ufike kolunye uhlangothi.

Lapho u-Joanna efika kimina, ethi, “Angazi ukuthi kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami”, wayengazi ukuthi yini eyayimenza ezwe ukukhathazeka kanye nomuzwa wokungakhululeki ebudlelwaneni bakhe. Ngokwelashwa, izidingo zakhe zaziqondwa, wazizwa esekelwe, futhi, ngaphezu kwakho konke, kwamsiza ukuba enze okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe kujwayelekile.

Ubudlelwano bunothando olungenamibandela futhi buhle kodwa futhi bungantengantenga, kukushiye uzibuza, “Kungani ngizizwa ngingakhululekile ebudlelwaneni bami?” Bangaveza ukwesaba kwakho okujulile nokungazethembi. Bangafana nebhola lesibuko, bakubonise zonke izinhlobo zakho. Uzitholela wena kanye nomlingani wakho niphelele.

Yebo, kuyethusa futhi lokho kungenza noma ubani akhathazeke kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kujwayelekile. Awudingi ukuthatha izinyathelo ezinkulu ngesikhathi esisodwa noma ugibele iladi ngokuhamba okukodwa. Kulungile ukuthatha izinyathelo zengane noma ukufaka amasondo okuqeqesha kuze kube yilapho wena nomlingani wakho nisendaweni lapho nobabili ningakwazi ukukhulula ukukhathazeka.

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