Amathiphu Wokuzijwayeza Ukuguquguquka Kwemizwa Ukuze Uguqule Ubudlelwano Bakho

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Ingabe uke waba nakho lapho wezwa khona ingoma futhi wazizwa uxhumekile ngaso leso sikhathi? Ukuvumelana ngokomzwelo kukho? Sengathi lengoma yenzelwe wena nje. Wonke amagama aleyo ngoma atshela umhlaba ukuthi uzizwa kanjani? Idala isikhashana sokuvumelanisa kanye nokulawulwa kwemizwa lapho uthintana nemizwa yakho, udale ukulandisa okwabiwe.

Kuwumuzwa omnandi, akunjalo? Uzizwa ubonwa, uzwiwa, futhi uqondwa. Isikhathi semizwa yangaphakathi okwabelwana ngayo. Kukuphi lapho esizizwa khona isidingo sokufanisa ubude begagasi bemizwa ngendlela efanayo? Ukuqagele kahle. Ebudlelwaneni. Isidingo sokuvumelana ngokomzwelo sikhona kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lobudlelwano.

Usana luhlanganyela nabazali balo ukuvumelana ngokomzwelo okudingekayo ukuze ingane iphile. Ngendlela efanayo, kuyadingeka ukuze kusinde noma ibuphi ubuhlobo, ikakhulukazi obunothando. Kodwa sisho ukuthini ngempela uma sithi ukuhambisana kwemizwelo? Futhi uma kudingekile kakhulu ukuba noma ibuphi ubuhlobo buqhubeke, sibuhlakulela futhi sibujwayeze kanjani? Hhayi-ke, ake sithole.

Kuyini Ukuvumelana Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni?

Okuqukethwe

Ukuvumelana wukusabela esinakho komunye umuntu kanye nenqubo eyenza ngayo ubudlelwano. Ukuvumelana kwemizwelo ebudlelwaneni kusho ukukwazi ukuzwa isimo somuntu somzwelo bese uphendula ngendlela efanele.

Thina abelaphayo sithanda ukuchaza lo mqondo ekwelashweni kokulungiswa kwemizwelo ngokufanisa umzali nomntwana. Izinsana zinezidingo ezahlukene zemizwelo njengokulamba, ukungakhululeki, kanye nokulala, nokho, azikwazi ukuveza lokhu. Abanakekeli bajwayelene nemizwelo ngokwanele nezingane zabo ukuze baqaphele ukuthi zidingani.

Abazali ngokuvamile bathola/benze lokho okudingwa ingane yabo, ngisho nalapho ukuntuleka kolimi kuyisithiyo. Baxhumene kakhulu nemizwa kangangoba sebekwazi nokuhlukanisa isililo sokuthi “ngilambile” nesililo esithi “Ngifuna ukulala”. Leli khono lokubona nokusebenza ukuze kufezeke lezi zidingo kuwukuzivumelanisa nemizwelo.

Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bothando , lapho ukuzivumelanisa ngokomzwelo kuqinisa imizwa yokwethembana, ukulondeka, kanye nokusondelana. Ubuhlobo obuhambisana ngokomzwelo busebenza njengeqembu, ngokuxhumana okuphumelelayo, kanye nekhono lokuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela enempilo.

Ingxenye eyodwa yokuzwana kwemizwelo iwukuzwakala nokubonwayo, enye ingxenye enkulu yakhona ihlale ibhekisiswa, ixhumekile, futhi ikhona. Isigqi sishelela kangangokuthi abalingani bayakwazi ukuzwa imizwa nezidingo zomunye nomunye futhi benze izinto ngendlela efanele.

UMia, osenesikhathi eside ethandana nomngane wakhe uChase, utshela umngane wakhe, “UChase uvele angithole. Lokhu ukujwayelana ngokomzwelo kwabashadikazi ngezinga eliphezulu kakhulu, lapho imicabango, imizwa, nokuziphatha - kobathathu - kuhilelekile.

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Abanye abantu bangokwemvelo ekuhlotshaneni ngokomzwelo kwabanye. Bangakwazi ukuthatha izinkomba ezicashile ngisho nasezindaweni eziminyene futhi bayayazi imizwa yawo wonke umuntu. Okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwasebuntwaneni kanye nobudlelwano nomnakekeli wethu kusisiza ukuba sithuthukise leli khono. Kodwa kusadinga ukuzijwayeza. Ayifani netshe, ifana nesinkwa, kufanele yenziwe futhi yenziwe kabusha ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Lokhu kusho nokuthi ukujwayelana ngokomzwelo kungafundwa ngisho nalapho usumdala. Kudingeka nje ukuzijwayeza nokuvumelana. Uma uphazamisekile ngokomzwelo, ungakwazi ukufunda ukuqagela (uhlonze okusemqondweni wakho kwabanye) ngokuhambisana, njengokuthi sifunda noma yiliphi elinye ikhono. Sifunda futhi siyeke izinkolelo nokuthambekela ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Uma ulangazelela ukuxhumana okujulile , nansi amanye amathiphu kanye nezivivinyo zokuqinisa imizwa ongazenza ukuze ufunde futhi uzijwayeze ukulungisa imizwa ebudlelwaneni ukuze uthole ulwazi olwanelisayo.

1. Xhumana nezidingo zakho nemizwa yakho

Sifundile njengoba sikhula emphakathini ukucindezela imizwa yethu - imizwa noma imizwa eminingi akuyona into enhle. Ngakho-ke, siyeka ukunaka imizwa yethu bese silahlekelwa ukuzwela emizweni yabanye futhi. Siwabheka njengamadrama noma abuthakathaka.

Nokho, sidliwe amanga. Ukuxhumana nemizwa yakho kukwenza ube ngumuntu ofudumele futhi kwandisa ukwaneliseka, futhi lokho kunamandla. Ukuzivumelanisa nezimo kunikeza ithuba lokuxhumana nemizwa yabanye futhi kwakha ukuxhumana okujulile komphefumulo . Kukunika ithuba lokubona imizwa yabanye njengehlukile kweyakho, ngakho-ke, kunciphisa ukubonakala kwemizwa yakho njengoba sikhulume ngakho.

Noma nini lapho uzwa ukusabela ngokomzwelo kokuthile, khipha isondo lemizwa yakho futhi ukhombe lowo muzwa. Kungenzeka uzwa intukuthelo, ukudabuka, injabulo, noma okunye. Zinike imvume yokuzwa leyo mizwa futhi uyamukele njengenkomba yangempela nenamandla yalokho okwenzeka ngaphakathi kuwe. Yamukela yonke imizwa yakho, yonke yamukelekile.

Isisho esidumile, esivame ukusetshenziswa ekwelapheni ukuvumelanisa imizwelo, sihamba kanje: “Isihluthulelo sokuqonda abanye siwukuba uziqonde wena kuqala.”

2. Qinisekisa imizwa yabo

Wonke umuntu ufuna imizwa yakhe iqinisekiswe, ikakhulukazi ngumuntu amthandayo ukuze azizwe ephephile ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni . Ukuqinisekisa imizwa yomlingani wakho kumkhuthaza ukuthi aziveze kakhudlwana. Ukusebenzisa izitatimende eziqinisekisayo kubaluleke kakhulu ngoba kwenza umlingani wakho azizwe ebonwa futhi ezwiwa. Ukulalela nje ngenkuthalo akwanele, udinga nokukhuthaza umlingani wakho.

Kukhona umehluko nokho. Izitatimende zakho eziqinisekisayo akudingeki ziqinisekise indlela abenza ngayo noma abaziphatha ngayo. Eqinisweni, ukwethembeka kuyingxenye eyinhloko yokuvumelanisa imizwelo. Awumtsheli umlingani wakho lokho afuna ukukuzwa ngaso sonke isikhathi. Nokho, usengakwazi ukuziqinisekisa ngaphandle kokuqinisekisa izenzo ongavumelani nazo, ngokusho okuthile njengokuthi “Ngiyakuzwa”, “Ngiyabonga ngokungitshela umbono wakho”, nezinye izitatimende ezifanayo.

Ukungalungi kuholela ekunganeliseki okuholela ekuthukutheleni, ekucasukeni, nasekungabazeni ubudlelwano . Ukungalungi kuwukuchitha imizwa yomlingani wakho. Kwenza umlingani wakho azizwe sengathi imizwa yakhe ayamukeleki, ayibalulekile, futhi ayilungile. Lokhu kungaholela nasekungavikelekeni ebudlelwaneni. Khumbula, funa ukuqonda ngaphambi kokufuna ukuqondwa!

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3. Gcina ukukhulumisana okuqotho nokukhululekile

Ukwethembeka, ukucaca, nokuvuleleka ngenkathi ukhuluma nozakwenu kukhombisa ubuqiniso. Kuholela ekuqondaneni nasekuhloniphaneni ngisho nanokuhlukahluka kwemibono, izithakazelo, nezidingo. Ukubhekana nemizwa akunakwenzeka ngaphandle kwezingxoxo ezithembekile. Kukusiza ukuthi uqonde umlingani wakho kangcono futhi uhambisane naye. Kuzosiza futhi bobabili abalingani bagweme ukungezwani.

Ukuxhumana akusho nje ukukhuluma, kuhlanganisa nokulalela okusebenzayo nokucabangayo. Sebenzisa ithuba elihambisana nengxoxo ukuze uqonde futhi uxoxe kangcono nomlingani wakho kunokuba wenze kube yindawo oyisebenzisela ukuveza imibono yakho. Shintsha ukugxila kwakho kuyo. Ungazinika isikhathi sokuphendula uma usumzwile ngempela umlingani wakho.

Ukulalela ngentshiseko nokucabangisisa kuyindlela yokuqonda imizwa yophathina wakho nokuthi ivelaphi. Uma ubanaka ngokungahlukani, nobabili nizokhuthazwa ukuba nihlole ukuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani futhi angase avuleke kakhulu kuwe, okuyingxenye ebaluleke ngempela yokuzwana kwemizwelo.

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4. Ungacabangi nje, buza

Uma nganoma yisiphi isikhathi phakathi nalezo zokuxhumana ezithembekile, uzizwa ubambekile, noma uma ungaqondi ukuthi bathini noma bavelaphi, buza imibuzo eminingi ngangokunokwenzeka ukuze ucacise. Lokhu kusiza ekwenzeni izinto zicace phakathi kwenu nobabili. Uma uzakwenu angabelani, mhlawumbe ukubuza imibuzo mayelana nakho kungase kumsize aveze imizwa yakhe kangcono.

Uma udidekile ngento ethile abayenzile noma ungaqiniseki ukuthi bakuphi, babuze futhi ube yisilaleli esihle . Awukwazi ukufunda izingqondo futhi kubalulekile ukuthi umlingani wakho akhunjuzwe ngalokho. Kuphinde kusize umlingani wakho azizwe ebonwa futhi ekhuthazwa ukuveza imizwa yakhe. Lokhu kuyingxenye enkulu yokuvuselela imizwa. Kubalulekile ukuthi ungacabangi ukuthi uyazi ukuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani.

Uma sebevule imizwa yabo, babuze imibuzo ukuze bacacise futhi bakhombe imizwa yabo, uma kudingeka. Khumbula ukuthi ungayeki imizwa yabo ngenkathi ufuna ukwazi. Zikhumbuze ukuthi imizwa yakho yokuzivikela ibonakala ngenxa yokubona kwakho isimo.

5. Naka izindlela zabo ezingasho amazwi

Ukuxhumana kukho kokubili ngomlomo nangokungakhulumi, kanti nakuba ukuzwana ngokomzwelo kuhlobene kakhulu nokukhulumisana ngamazwi, izimpawu ezingakhulumi zidlala indima enkulu futhi. Umlingani wakho angase angakhulumi ngayo yonke imizwelo aba nayo ngamazwi, kodwa angase akhulume ngezindlela ezingakhulumi.

Ukujwayelana ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakho kusho ukuthi uyavumelana nezimpawu zomlingani wakho ezingezona ezezwi, ukuze ukwazi ukuzwa lapho kukhona okuthile ngisho noma engakashongo lutho. Izimpawu ezingezona ezezwi zihlukile kuwo wonke umuntu. Kodwa ukunaka ukuma, ukubukeka kobuso, kanye namazinga amandla kungakusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani ngisho noma engakusho ngokuzwakalayo. Kungakusiza futhi ugweme amaphutha okukhulumisana ebudlelwaneni.

Uma uthola ukuthi kukhona okukuphethe ngomlingani wakho, qiniseka ukuthi umbuze ngakho ukuze uqonde ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.
Sifunda okuningi ezinkombeni ezingakhulumi futhi ziwusizo olukhulu ekuxhumaniseni amachashazi kodwa azisoze zakunikeza isithombe sonke. Umlingani wakho kanye nawe kusazodingeka ukuthi nikhulume lapho nikhona nobabili. Uthando oluvuthiwe yilapho ufuna okuthile, ukucela ngokuqondile. Ukuxhumana kuyinto yonke.

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6. Gcina izingxabano zakho zinempilo

Izingxabano azinakugwenywa ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa uma unazo, qiniseka ukuthi zinempilo. Kuyini ukungqubuzana okunempilo? Ukungqubuzana okunempilo kulapho uqaphela khona ukuthi ukungqubuzana akusho ukuthi kukhona 'okungalungile', nokuthi kujwayelekile futhi kungokwemvelo ukuba nakho. Uma uthatha izinyathelo ezisebenzayo zokulungisa ukuphuka kanye ukuxazulula izingxabano elethwe nayo, inempilo.

Uma unesidingo sokuzivikela, ukugxeka, ukwenza ngokudelela, noma udonga lwamatshe ukuze ufakazele iphuzu lakho, ukuvumelana ebuhlotsheni bothando ngeke kwenzeke. Ukuze ugcine ukungqubuzana kunempilo, kufanele ukhombe ezakho izinto ezikubangelayo. Ziwuhlobo lwesikhuthazo olususa imizwelo yethu. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi yiziphi izinto ezikubangelayo ukuze ukwazi ukuziveza kumlingani wakho.

Ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho, ukwakha ukwazisa, ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo, kanye nokuziduduza kungaba yimithi ezingxabanweni ezingenampilo, okusiza nobabili ukuba nivumelane kakhulu ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye.

7. Zijwayeze uzwela olungokomzwelo

Ukuzwelana ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni yilapho uzwa imizwa efanayo noma efana neyomlingani wakho. Isibonelo, uzizwa udabukile lapho umlingani wakho edabukile noma uzizwa ujabule ngenxa yokuthi umlingani wakho ujabule. Nakuba kubalulekile ukuba nozwelo kukho konke ukuxhumana kwakho komuntu siqu, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzijwayeza ukuzwana ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni bothando.

Nakuba ukuzivumelanisa ngokomzwelo kungaphezu nje kokuzwelana, kuseyingxenye enkulu yako. Ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zabo, ukukhuluma ngemizwa yabo, ukuzibamba izahlulelo zakho, ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ebudlelwaneni , nokuba khona lapho umlingani wakho ekudinga, kungenye yezindlela ongaba nozwela ngazo kakhulu kumlingani wakho.

Ngale ndlela, wenza umlingani wakho azi ukuthi uyakwamukela futhi uyakuqonda lokho akuzwayo. Ukuthi babonwa nguwe nokuthi bangakwethemba, okubalulekile ekulinganiseni imizwelo.

Ngenkathi uzijwayeza ukuzwelana, uphatha imizwa yakho, futhi ugcina izingxabano zinempilo, kubalulekile ukukhuthaza umlingani wakho ukuthi enze okufanayo. Ngisho noma ungakwazi ukwenza lokhu ngaso leso sikhathi, kubalulekile ukuthi uzinike wena nomlingani wakho indawo lapho udinga isikhathi sokucubungula imizwa. Lezi zenzo zizonenza nikwazi ukunqoba izinselele ndawonye futhi nivumelane ngokomzwelo njengombhangqwana.

Ngokuzivumelanisa kangcono, kuza nekhono lokwenza izinqumo zobudlelwano ezinengqondo. Uqala ukuqonda ukuthi umlingani wakho akanawo amandla okukwenza uzizwe ngendlela ethile, futhi okuphambene nalokho. Awusabubheki ubudlelwano bakho ngeso lengqondo kanye nemizwa yakho noma ukwenza umlingani wakho abe yisikrini semibono yakho. Kukusiza futhi ukuthi uqaphele ukuthi ufunani ebudlelwaneni.

Ukuvumelana kwemizwa ebudlelwaneni bothando kumayelana nokubona nokuthwala umlingani wakho kuyo yonke imizwa yakhe, kungaba mihle noma emibi. Ukuba yidwala komunye nomunye ngezikhathi ezimbi, njengokuphakamiselana phezulu ngezikhathi ezinhle, kuzonisondeza nobabili. Ukuzijwayeza kwemizwelo kuthuthukisa zonke izici zobudlelwano futhi kubuguqule ngempela.

Kungase kubonakale kunzima ukucabanga ukuthi singafunda futhi sikhumbule ukuzivumelanisa nobudlelwano bethu nabantu abadala uma besingenakho ukuzivumelanisa ngokomzwelo ebuntwaneni okungase kuholele nasekukhathazekeni kokuhlukana ebuhlotsheni . Kodwa i-neuroscience isitshela ukuthi sixhunywe ebuchosheni ukuze sizwele abanye ngokusebenzisa ama-neurons esibuko. Ngakho-ke singabheka ukuzivumelanisa njengokuthi sikwazi ukuhlanganisa izindlela zokuzivikela zakudala kanye nokubhekana nazo ukuze sifinyelele ikhono lethu lemvelo lokuzwelana.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ngingakwazi kanjani ukujwayelana nomlingani wami ngokomzwelo?

Ungakwazi ukujwayelana ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakho ngokuzijwayeza ukujwayelana nemizwa yakho njengokuthintana nemizwa nezidingo zakho, uqinisekise imizwa yakhe, ube nezingxoxo eziqotho nezikhululekile, ube nezingxabano ezinempilo, ufunde izinkulumo zabo ezingasho lutho, ubabuze imibuzo ngemizwa yabo, nangokubonisa uzwela.

Ukwenza konke lokhu kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi niwuhlelo lokweseka omunye nomunye ngokuba eceleni komunye nomunye ebuhleni nasebubini. Lokhu nakho kuzokwenza kube lula ukujwayelana ngokomzwelo.

2. Kubukeka kanjani ukuguquguquka kwemizwelo?

Ukujwayelana ngokomzwelo kwabashadile kubukeka njengokubona, ukuqonda, nokwamukela imizwa yomlingani wakho. Kungase kubonakale kuwumbono oyinkimbinkimbi kodwa akulutho ngaphandle kokuthi uthatha isinyathelo sokuzibandakanya nesimo somzwelo somlingani wakho. Kubukeka njengokuvumelana, indlela umfula ogeleza ngayo emadwaleni ngokuvumelanisa. Njengomdanso womlilo ovusa ukusondelana, ubukeka muhle.

Lapho wenza imizamo eqotho yokuqonda imizwa yomlingani wakho, usuke uvumelana naye ngokomzwelo. Kuyisibindi sokungena ezweni lemizwa nozakwethu.

3. Yiziphi izibonelo zokuvumelana kwemizwelo?

Uma uzulazula embhedeni wakho, awukwazi ukulala, futhi umlingani wakho uyakuthatha futhi akubuze ukuthi kwenzekeni, lokho kuwukuvumelana kwemizwa. Lapho usana lukhala, futhi umnakekeli walo ngokuzumayo ebona ukuthi kudingeka ashintshe amanabukeni omntwana, lokho kuwukujwayelana kwemizwelo. Uma umngane wakho engakakufoneli ngemva kwe-prom yakhe futhi wazi ukuthi lokho akufani naye, uyamfonela ngoba uyazi ukuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi. Lokho kuwukuvumelana kwemizwelo.

Imibuzo engu-20 okufanele uyibuze umlingani wakho ukuze akhe ukusondelana ngokomzwelo

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Amathiphu angu-9 Okwakha Ubudlelwano Obuvumelanayo

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.