5 Amaphutha Okuxhumana Avamile Imibhangqwana Eyenziwa Emshadweni

Ukuxhumana kuhlale kuyindlela yabantu ababili. Awukwazi ukwabelana ngawe futhi uvale lapho umlingani wakho efuna ukwenza okufanayo. Manje ungase uthi, “Angikwenzi lokho!” Kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uphendule ngokuthi “Oh, akuyona into enkulu kangako leyo” noma “Lokhu akukho lutho uma kuqhathaniswa nalokho engibhekene nakho” noma “Kulungile, osekwenziwe sekwenzekile, qhubeka”, uvale ulayini wabo wokuxhumana ngokungazi. Futhi leli kungelinye lamaphutha amaningi okuxhumana aqulekile esiwenza lapho sixhuma nozakwethu. Qhubeka ufunde ukuze uthole okunye!

5 Amaphutha Amakhulu Okuxhumana Imibhangqwana Eyenziwa Emshadweni

Ukuxhumana kusho okungaphezu nje kokukhuluma nokujikijela umlingani wakho amagama. Ngenxa yokuthi ubuzihlole, wacubungula imizwa yakho mayelana nempi esontweni elilodwa eledlule, futhi wanquma ukubatshela esidlweni sakusihlwa ukuthi ikwenze wazizwa kanjani akusho ukuthi usukwazi ngokuphelele ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo phakathi kwabashadile.

Kuningi okumele kwenziwe ukuxazulula izingxabano kanye nokuxhumana ngempumelelo. Ukukhulumisana nowakwakho ngendlela efanele kusho ukusebenzela umgomo owabelwana ngawo wokukhulisa ukuqonda nokusondelana ebudlelwaneni. Ungakufeza ngokuqaphela amaphutha alandelayo okuxhumana okungenzeka ukuthi uyawenza ebuhlotsheni bakho namuhla:

1. Ukugxila kuphela ekufakeni ngomlomo

Ukuxhumana kweqiniso kuhlanganisa kokubili izimpawu zomlomo nezingezona ezomlomo. Kodwa-ke, ngemva kokuhlala nozakwethu isikhathi esithile, siqala ukunganaki izimpawu ezingakhulumi abasithumelela zona futhi sivame ukungangeni ekukhulumeni ngamazwi okuvela kubo, ikakhulukazi phakathi nengxabano. Uma usanda kuqeda ingxabano enkulu nomlingani wakho futhi uvutha ngolaka, vele udonse umoya bese uzama ukucabanga emuva ezinsukwini ezimbalwa - okuholela ekwakhekeni kwengxabano yakamuva.

Lapha kukhona impendulo yokuthi kanjani ngcono ukuxhumana emshadweni. Ingabe umlingani wakho ubekunikeza izimpawu ezingasho lutho zokuthi ubefisa ukusondelana kakhulu, noma ufuna ukukhuluma, noma uzama ukwabelana naye ngokuthile okuqhubekayo? Kungaba yinoma yini ngokuza ukuzohlala eduze kwakho lapho usebenza, ukuzama ukugona ngemuva, ukuqala ingxoxo ngomsebenzi, njll. Qiniseka ukuthi uhlala uqaphile futhi uyazamukela izimpawu ezinjalo ezingasho lutho.

2. Ukufunda ingqondo

Kukangaki kwenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho aqale ukuchaza okuthile bese uthi “Ngiyazi ofuna ukukusho…”? Leli iphutha lokuqonda elibizwa ngokuthi “ukufunda ingqondo” olenzayo lapho ukhuluma nowakwakho. Kulo mqondo, omunye umlingani ucabanga ukuthi uyakuqonda lokho omunye akucabangayo noma akushoyo. Lokhu cishe akuyona inkambo efanele ngoba kungaholela ezinkulu nakakhulu izimpikiswano zobudlelwano nomlingani wakho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ulimi lomzimba kanye nendima yalo ebuhlotsheni obunempilo

Ungalokothi ukhohlwe ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nikhule ninezimpilo ezehlukene ngaphambi kokuba nibonane futhi kukho konke lapho onombono khona, kungenzeka ukuthi banomunye ohlukile. Uma uthi 'uyayazi' ukuthi bazothini, empeleni ubenza bazizwe sengathi bacula izinto ezifanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe, nokuthi uvaleke kakhulu engqondweni ukuba ubanikeze ithuba lokwethula iphuzu labo.

3. Ukunxeshezelwa ngokweqile 'kokuhlasela' okucatshangelwayo

Lokhu ngandlela thize kwesandiso sokuthambekela kokufunda ingqondo. Kwesinye isikhathi engxabanweni, noma engxoxweni ejwayelekile, kuvele kushaye into ethile bese uthatha ngokuthi umlingani wakho uyakuklolodela/enqaba/enza okuthile ngawe ngokungakuhloniphi futhi uphindisela emuva ngamandla kulokhu kuhlasela okucatshangwayo. Lokhu kuholela ekugcwalisekeni kwesiprofetho sohlobo futhi umlingani ugcina esho lokho obusaba ukuthi bebekusho kwasekuqaleni.

Ukuze ugweme lezi zinhlobo zezinkinga zokuxhumana emshadweni, lapho nje uzwa ama-hackles akho okuzivikela ekhuphuka, zimise bese ubuza umlingani wakho ngomoya ophansi, “Ngizwa sengathi uzama ukuthi xyz…ingabe kunjalo?”

4. Ukuphambanisa imizwa ngezinkolelo

Imizwelo yabantu iyizimpendulo ezingokwemvelo, ngokuvamile ezingokwemvelo, ekuchazeni kwethu izenzakalo. Zishubile kodwa ziyadlula futhi uma sizivumela ziqondise indlela esiziphatha ngayo, kwesinye isikhathi sigcina ngokuzisola ngokuthi izinto ezilimazayo. Umgomo ofanayo uyasebenza ekutolikeni lokho umlingani wakho akushoyo lapho ehlukumezekile ngokomzwelo.

Ekuxhumaneni kwabashadikazi, elinye lamaphutha avamile esiwenzayo ekukhulumisaneni ukucabanga ukuthi amazwi akhe angokomzwelo yizimo zengqondo nezinkolelo zakhe ezihlala njalo. Ukumelana nempendulo eqhumayo evela kuwena, buza umlingani wakho, “Ingabe yilokhu OMUZWA khona njengamanje, noma yilokhu ojwayele ukukukholelwa?”

5. Ukuvumela abanye bakukhulumele

Yebo, izinkinga zokukhulumisana emshadweni ziqala lapha ngempela. Iphutha lezokuxhumana elilimaza kakhulu izithandani ongalenza nomlingani wakho ukuvumela abazali bakho noma abantu abakufisela okuhle ukuthi bakungenelele! Sithembe uma sikutshela, noma ngabe abazali bakho bakuthanda kangakanani, abasoze bazifaka ezicathulweni zakho noma zesithandwa sakho. Uzogcina wenze umlingani wakho azizwe ekhoneni futhi ehlosiwe, okuzozibonakalisa njengomunyu futhi ukucasuka emshadweni noma ukuhoxiswa esikhathini esizayo.

Ucwaningo oluphathelene nokukhulumisana kwabashadile luthi, “Kubalulekile ukuba bobabili abalingani baqaphele ukuthi ubuhlobo babo buza kuqala kunobabazali babo nokuthi ukukhulumisana nabazali akufanele nanini kufake ukwaziswa okungekuhle ngomngane womshado njengoba kufanele kube nomngane womshado.” Amazwi okufanele siphile ngawo, sithi!

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Ngamafuphi

Nakuba kunama-nuances amaningi ebhalansi entekenteke yendlela yokuthuthukisa ukukhulumisana emshadweni, uma nje ungagcina lezi zikhombo ezinhlanu engqondweni, ungakha ibhuloho elingenakunyakaziswa phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho! Uma kusenzima ukuzijwayeza ukuxhumana okunempilo, ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kuhlala kuwumqondo omuhle. Bhukha iseshini nephaneli yabeluleki be-Bonobology abangakusiza uthuthukise ubudlelwano bakho

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