Izimfanelo Ezi-5 Zobudlelwano Obaziyo Nomlingani Wakho

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Uthando inyoni engavamile. Kokubili kuzizela ngokwemvelo kithi futhi kuzwakala kunzima ukukuqonda ngokuphelele. Kungokufanayo ebudlelwaneni - ubudlelwano obungahleliwe, njengalobo nomgibeli ohamba naye ohambweni olude lwesitimela, nobudlelwano obunenjongo, njengalobo nozakwenu wempilo.

Thina, sobabili, senza ukuxhumana nabantu abasizungezile, futhi sichitha iminyaka sizama ukuthola ukuthi kungani kunzima kangaka ukuqonda umuntu futhi aqondwe. Empeleni, uthando lulula. Kodwa kumelwe sifunde ukuzithanda thina, kanye nabanye. Lapho ulwa nomuntu, kufanele uthathe olwakho uhlangothi noma uthathe olwakhe? Ingabe kufanele uzithande noma kufanele ubathande? Ingabe kufanele uzimele noma kufanele unamathisele?

Uthando nokuphila kugcwele ukuphikisana okunjalo. Ingabe uzithola uvame ukuzibuza ngale mibuzo? Ingabe uzizwa ujabule ngokufuna izimpendulo? Yilokhu kuqwashisa, noma lesi sifiso sangamabomu sokuba nempilo eyanelisayo nophathina wakho okuyisisekelo sokwakha ubudlelwano obaziyo.

Buyini Ubudlelwano Obuqaphelayo?

Okuqukethwe

Kulula ukuqonda ubudlelwano obaziyo uma thina, ngomzuzwana, sibheka igama elithi "ukwazi". Ukuqaphela kuwukuphaphama nokuqaphela. Kusho futhi ukuba nolwazi lwento ethile. Kusho ukukhetha.

Ubudlelwano obuqondayo buyilokho kanye! Buwubudlelwano obuthuthukiswe ngenhloso. Othandweni oluqondayo, abalingani benza ukukhetha okuqondayo ukudala isibopho esinenjongo . Lesi sibopho kumele sibe senkonzweni yabalingani bobabili njengeyunithi kanye nakubo ngamunye ngamunye.

Ngokuhamba kweminyaka, ubunjalo nenjongo yobudlelwano kuye kwashintsha kakhulu. Ngokwesibonelo, lokho esikulindele emshadweni nokuzibophezela kwethu kuye kwanda ngezindlela eziningi. Lapho ngaphambili, isidingo somuntu ovela emshadweni sasilinganiselwe ezidingweni eziyisisekelo ezifana nokudla, indawo yokuhlala, ukuphepha, ukuvikeleka, isidingo somzimba kanye nokuvunyelwa emphakathini. Manje, esikufunayo ebudlelwaneni bethu kungaphezulu kakhulu.

Ukuze siqonde ukuthi yini esiqhubayo, yini esishukumisela ukuba sithathe isinyathelo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika, u-Abraham Maslow, wadala lokho okubizwa ngokuthi uhla lwezidingo zomuntu ngamunye. Wabeka izidingo zethu eziyisisekelo njengokudla nendawo yokuhlala phansi kwephiramidi futhi wakhuphuka iphiramidi enezidingo ezingokomzwelo ezengeziwe njengothando, ubungane, inhlonipho, nokuba ngumuntu wedwa.

Esicongweni sale phiramidi kuhlala isidingo sokufinyelela "ukuzethemba". Leli yiphuzu eliphakeme kakhulu ekukhuleni komuntu ngamunye, elibonakala ngesifiso sokuzuza amandla akhe aphelele.

Ubudlelwano obuqaphelayo yibo obungavumeli nje kuphela ukuthi ufinyelele isidingo sakho esiphezulu sokuzenza ongokoqobo, empeleni buyakugqugquzela futhi bukweseke ekubeni nguwe ongcono kakhulu. Zikugqugquzela ukuthi uhlale uphishekela isidingo sakho esingokomoya esiphezulu futhi zikuvumela ukuba ukhule futhi ukhanye njengomuntu ngamunye. Yebo, kulula kanjalo!

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Yiziphi Izimfanelo Zobudlelwano Obuqaphelayo?

Ukukhuluma ngokungqubuzana empilweni, ubudlelwano obaziyo bobabili kulula ukubuqonda futhi bukhulu kakhulu ukuthi buthathwe ngamagama ambalwa. Njengesisekelo, esisanda kuxoxa ngakho, yikho kanye okubamba umphefumulo wobudlelwane obaziyo. Kodwa futhi kuningi okungachaza ukuthi ubuhlobo obuqaphile bubukeka kanjani, indlela yokuhlonza nokuthuthukisa obubodwa nokuthi yiziphi izimfanelo zabo.

1. Ubudlelwano obaziyo bangamabomu

Zonke izinqumo ebudlelwaneni obuqaphile zenziwe ngenhloso. Uthando luhloselwe. Njengoba kunjalo nokuzizwa uthukuthele noma ukudumala. Ukudlulisa imizwa noma izikhalo zakho kwenziwa ngenhloso njengoba kunjalo nokuzijwayeza ukuthula. Ukuhlangana esinqumweni kwenziwa ngenhloso njengoba kunjalo nokuba nemibono ehlukene. Ukukhulisa into ndawonye kwenziwa ngenhloso njengoba kunjalo nokuba namaphrojekthi omuntu siqu.

Ngokuphambene, abantu ababili bahlala ndawonye ebuhlotsheni obuqulekile hhayi ngenxa yesinqumo sokuba ndawonye kodwa ngenxa yokuntuleka kwesinqumo sokungabi ndawonye. Ukuphila ebudlelwaneni obungazi lutho kuyasabela. Izinkinga ngokuvamile ziphushwa ngaphansi kukakhaphethi. Impilo iyaphilwa nje. Akukho mcabango noma umzamo owenziwa ngamabomu ukuze kuqondwe inhloso yobudlelwano.

Thatha, uSam no-Elisa. Baneminyaka engu-14 beshadile. Bavuke bangene esigqini sempilo yabo. Kokubili ndawonye futhi ngokwehlukana. Akekho kubo okhohlisa omunye. Bobabili bathanda izingane zabo ezimbili. Futhi bakholelwa ngobuqotho ukuthi bayathandana futhi.

Kodwa iningi labo abaqapheli ngomzabalazo wansuku zonke womunye nomunye wokuphila. USam akakamtsheli u-Elisa ngenkinga yempilo yakhe yaphakathi naphakathi ayizwayo kulezi zinsuku. Akakamtsheli ukuthi useqalile ukuzizwa engathandeki. U-Elisa akakatholi ithuba lokumtshela ukuthi naye uzizwa ngendlela efanayo. Ukuthi naye uzizwa engasasebenzi. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi ufisa ukuba negumbi lakhe futhi kulo, ideski, elingelakhe.

Ebudlelwaneni obuqaphelayo, uSam no-Elisa bebezothatha isikhathi sokubeka phambili imizwa yabo ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye. Inhloso yokujabula kakhudlwana futhi bagcwaliseke ngokwengeziwe ebudlelwaneni babo bekungabashukumisela ukuba bazinike isikhathi sokukhulumisana ngalezi zifiso. Bebezothatha izinyathelo ndawonye ukuze banikezane ugqozi ababeludinga kanye nethuba lokuxazulula lezi zinkinga.

Ukuqaphela nokwazi ukuthi yini esebenzayo nokuthi yini engasebenzi ebudlelwaneni bese uthatha izinyathelo zamabomu eziya enjabulweni kungenye yezimfanelo ezigqame kakhulu zobudlelwane obuqaphelayo.

uthando olwaziyo — Ukuthatha izinyathelo zamabomu eziya enjabulweni kungenye yezimfanelo ezigqama kakhulu zobudlelwane obuqaphelayo

2. Ubudlelwano obuqaphelayo bugxile ekukhuleni

Bonke ubudlelwano buphawulwa ngezinselele. Ngamunye wethu uza nomthwalo othile. Sinezisusa zethu, izindlela zethu zokubhekana nokungqubuzana, kanye nemibono yethu yokuzigcina. Yingakho sonke sibhekana nezingxabano ngendlela ehlukile. Lokhu kudala ukungezwani ebudlelwaneni.

Kodwa umlingani oqaphelayo kuphela obheka inselelo futhi ayibone njengethuba lokukhula. Ubudlelwano obuqaphelayo abuyona ingxabano. Bunomqondo wokukhula oyinhloko. Ukukhula ebudlelwaneni kuyisifiso sokufunda ukuba ngcono. Umlingani oqaphelayo ubona izinselelo njengesimemo sokuhlangana, ukubambisana nokuxazulula izinkinga ndawonye. Balindele izinselelo njengezinyathelo zokukhula ebudlelwaneni. Isibonelo, isibonelo sokungahambisani kwezezimali kuyisibonakaliso sokufuna imfundo eyengeziwe yezezimali ndawonye njengombhangqwana futhi nifinyelele inani elifanayo lezezimali. Kungaba yithuba lokukhula.

Ukukhuluma ngokukhula, abalingani othandweni oluqaphelayo baphinde bagqugquzelene ukuze babe nokuphila okwanelisayo, noma ngabe incazelo yalo ingaba yini ngomuntu ngamunye. Kumuntu othile, kungaba ukufunda kahle kakhulu noma ukuthatha isikhathi sokuhlanganyela emsebenzini wezenhlalakahle. Kokunye, kungaba ngcono emsebenzini omdala wokuzilibazisa. Komunye umuntu, kungase kube ukufuna ukusebenza kanzima emsebenzini wakhe ukuze bathole ukukhushulwa esikhundleni. Komunye umuntu, kungaba ukulungisa lolo buhlungu obungapheli.

Iphuzu liwukuthi, njengabantu ngabanye, sonke sinesifiso sokuzuza amandla ethu aphelele. Ukuba nempilo engcono, noma ukuba ngcono kokuthile. Ubuhlobo obuqaphelayo bunikeza umlingani ngamunye ugqozi, kanye nesikhala sokukhula.

Nokho, ukuba nesimo sengqondo sokukhula akusho ukukugcizelela ngokweqile. Ukududulana nokududulana kungaqeda amandla. Ukuba nesikhala sokukhululeka nokuba uwena nakho kubalulekile ngokulinganayo. Ukukhula ebudlelwaneni kwenzeka ngokwendalo, ngaphandle kwesidingo sokwenza umlingani wakho noma wena ungakhululeki. Qaphela imizwa yakho futhi kufanele uziphathe kahle!

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3. Isibopho esiqinile - Umlingani oqaphelayo uzibophezela ngokwakhe

Ukuzibophezela okukhulu kusho ukuzibophezela ngalokho oyikho, okwenzayo, okwenziwa kuwe, nalokho okwenziwa ngenxa yakho. Kusho ukuzibophezela okungu-100%.

Ebudlelwaneni obuqondile, uthatha ubunikazi balokho okufunayo nalokho okudingayo. Awubasoli abanye ngamaphutha empilweni yakho, kunalokho funda ukuthi umthwalo wemfanelo ungathathwa kanjani ebudlelwaneni ngezindlela ezahlukene . Kodwa-ke, lokhu akufanele kuqondwe kabi njengokungaze kufike esivumelwaneni noma ukungaze ubeke phambili izidingo zomlingani wakho uma uzizwa kubalulekile.

Cabanga ngoDani noJo. Bazizwa bekhungathekile emshadweni wabo futhi bavakashela umelaphi. Kumelaphi, uDani noJo bobabili bakhononda ngokuzidela ngamunye wabo ayekwenzela umndeni. UDani uthe akasasitholi ngisho isikhathi sokuzihambela yedwa njengoba ejwayele ukwenza impilo yakhe yonke ngoba kumele enzele izingane ukudla kwasekuseni ekuseni.

UJo washo izinto ezifanayo ngokungasitholi isikhathi esanele naye. Nendlela abangalokothi baye ohlotsheni lweholide alifunayo. Noma kwakumele ayeke kanjani ukukhushulelwa esikhundleni ngoba bekuzodinga ukuthi abe kude nomndeni.

Ngosizo lokwelulekwa, uDani noJo babona ukuthi babengazithwali umthwalo wemfanelo ngezidingo zabo. Umeluleki wabenza babona ukuthi yibona kuphela abaziyo ukuthi yini engaxoxiswana ngabo, nokuthi yini ababengenandaba nokuyekela noma ukushintsha ngenxa yothando lomlingani wabo. Kwabavumela ukuba babuzane ngezinto ezazibaluleke kakhulu kubo.

UJo akazange azi ukuthi uDani udinga uhambo olungaka. UDani uthe wayengenandaba ngendawo yokuya eholidini futhi akazi ukuthi ibaluleke kangakanani kuJo. UJo wathi empeleni uzizwa eziqhenya ngokuzidela komsebenzi akwenza ukuze abe ubaba ongcono.

Sekukonke, ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo kwavumela bobabili u-Dani no-Jo ukuthi bazimisele ngezinqumo ababezenza. Uma okuthile bekungaxoxiswana ngakho, kwakubavumela ukuthi bakubeke phansi baqonde phambi komunye umlingani. Ngokubambisana, bangathola indlela yokwenza lokho kwenzeke. Futhi uma kwakukhona okuthile omunye wabo ayedela ngenxa yenzuzo yobuhlobo noma uthando lomlingani wakhe, kwabavumela ukuba bathathe ubunikazi balokho kukhetha, ngaphandle kokuzizwa njengesisulu.

4. Ubudlelwano obuqaphelayo bunikeza isikhala sokuzimela

Njengawo wonke ama-dichotomies empilweni nasebudlelwaneni, lena nayo iyinadi elinzima ukuliqhekeza. Isidingo sethu sokuzimela ngokumelene nesidingo sethu sokusondelana. Kunomugqa omncane, futhi ngokuqwashisa kuphela lapho abantu ababili bengakwazi ukudala ibhalansi phakathi kwakho kokubili.

Imibono evamile yobudlelwane ayisekeli, noma okungenani ayigcizeleli, umqondo wokuzimela. Imibono yothando yobudlelwano iqhubekisela phambili ukuthembela. Ingabe uke wezwa ngombono wenganekwane “wokuhlanganiswa kwemiphefumulo emibili”? Ngenkathi sizama ukugqamisa ukuhlangana kwabantu ababili, sivame ukudumisa "ukufana". Umuntu ngamunye uyalahleka lapho abantu ababili bezama ukuba munye.

Ukuthambekela kobudlelwano obufanayo kudala umbono wokuphepha, yingakho iningi lethu ebuhlotsheni obuvamile lisaba ngokungazi umqondo wokuzimela. Ukuzimela kunikeza ilungelo lokungagcini nje ngokuzimela ngezinto ezibonakala zingabalulekile empilweni kodwa futhi kunikeza ilungelo lokukhetha.

Ukukhetha ukuba noma ungabi sebudlelwaneni. Njengazo zonke izindinganiso eziphakeme ekuphileni, nalesi akulula ukunamathela kuso. Kodwa kubantu abafuna imigomo ephakeme njengokufinyelela amandla abo eqiniso nokwenza ukuphila kwabo kube nenjongo, inani eliphakeme njengaleli libaluleke kakhulu.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuzimela akufanele kubonwe njengendlela yokubukela phansi ukuhlangana. Eqinisweni, ubudlelwano obuqaphile bukwazisa kakhulu ukuhlangana futhi. Okumelene nokuzimela wumqondo wokuhlanganisa, ngakho-ke, ukulahlekelwa ubunikazi bomuntu ngamunye. Ukuzimela kuphambene nokuthatha omunye nomunye njengento elula ngokunikeza umlingani ngamunye ilungelo lokuzikhethela okungcono kakhulu. Kukuphusha ukuthi uzibophezele nsuku zonke ekunikezeni okungcono kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho futhi akukho okuncane.

5. Ubudlelwano obuqaphile benza uthando

Uthando luwumkhuba. Yebo, uthando luphinde lube nomuzwa ojabulisayo esiba nawo lapho yonke into nomlingani wethu ibonakala ihamba kahle. Kodwa, futhi kuwumkhuba. Konke esikwenzayo ukuze sikwazi ukufeza lo muzwa kuwumkhuba wothando.

Ebudlelwaneni obuqaphelayo, abantu ababili bathatha izinyathelo ezimbalwa zokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano babo kusukela osukwini lokuqala lokuqomisana bazi. Okunye kwalokho ukuxhumana. Ozakwethu abenza uthando lokuqaphela bayaphuma ezindaweni zabo zokunethezeka ukuze bacele izinto ezibalulekile kubo. Baphinde bakhe indawo ephephile lapho umuntu ngamunye ekwazi ukuveza noma yini ayifunayo ngaphandle kokwesaba ukwahlulelwa noma ukuqondwa kabi noma 'ukubangela idrama engadingekile.'

Omunye umkhuba onjalo wukuba khona ebudlelwaneni. Ubudlelwano abuhlali bubhidlika ngenxa yezindaba noma izinselelo. Bangakwazi futhi ukuphuka kalula ngenxa yokuntuleka kokusondelana nokuxhumana. Ukuzijwayeza ukuba khona kumlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano bakho kuwumzamo wokugcina lokho kuxhumana ukuze nobabili nikwazi ukubhekana nanoma iyiphi inselele ndawonye.

Ukuzijwayeza ukuba khona kungasho izinto ezahlukene ebudlelwaneni obuhlukene. Kodwa ikakhulukazi kusho ukuba nesithakazelo esisebenzayo nokutshala imali ebudlelwaneni. Kungasho ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nokuba oqaphile nokuzibandakanya phakathi naleso sikhathi. Kungasho futhi ukulalela nokunikeza umlingani wakho lokho akudingayo ngesikhathi sakhe sobunzima.

Ukwazisa kungenye indlela yokubonisa uthando. Njengabantu, 'i-negativity bias' iza ngokwemvelo kithi. Ngakho-ke, ukwazisa kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi kwenziwe ngamabomu. Sivame ukugcizelela kakhulu izingqinamba esinazo nozakwethu futhi singayibukeli phansi indlela abenza ngayo ukuphila kwethu kube lula futhi kube kuhle. Ukuzijwayeza ukwazisa ngomqondo nakho kusiza ngokuqiniswa okuhle. Okusho ukuthi uma usubongiwe, kukushayela ukuthi ube ngcono futhi wenze okwengeziwe. Okufanayo kumlingani wakho.

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Ungabudala Kanjani Ubudlelwano Obaziyo Nomlingani Wakho?

Ukwakha ubudlelwano obaziyo, zibophezele ekubeni ngamabomu ngombono wakho nezinjongo zakho. Nansi indlela:

1. Qaphela umbono wakho

Thola ukuthi ufunani noma ukuthi ucabangani ngobuhlobo bakho. Kusho ukuthini ukubambisana okuzibophezele komunye nomunye kini? Ingabe ninombono ofanayo ngezisekelo zokuzibophezela emshadweni ? Impilo ejabulisayo ibukeka kanjani kuwe, njengomuntu ngamunye kanye nengxenye yayo yonke? Hlanganani ukuze nixoxe ngakho.

Ngomlomo, nangezenzo zakho, bonisa umlingani wakho ukuzibophezela kwakho kulolu hlobo lokuxhumana. Nitshelane ukuthi kusho ukuthini kinina. Ekupholeni uyazi, wenza umzamo kusukela ekuqaleni ukuvumela ukwethembana ukuthi kuthuthuke.

2. Xoxa ngezindinganiso zakho

Bona futhi ukhulume ngamavelu abaluleke kakhulu komunye nomunye wenu. Xoxa ngemibono kunezindaba. Qaphela izinqubo zokucabanga zomunye nomunye.

Isibonelo, yini ebaluleke kakhulu kuwe uma usesimweni sokungqubuzana. Noma, ucabangani ngokuthandana nomuntu oyedwa, ingabe ngokwemvelo sithandana nomuntu oyedwa ? Noma, iyini injongo yobudlelwano? Noma yini engcono, iqiniso elibuhlungu noma amanga anesihawu? Lezi zingxoxo azihloselwe ukudala ukungqubuzana kodwa ukuze ziqaphele izindinganiso zomunye nomunye.

3. Yakha izimiso eziqondisayo

Yiba nezivumelwano ezithile nemithetho eyisisekelo. Noma okungcono kakhulu, masizibize ngezimiso eziqondisayo. Xoxani ngezinto ezingaxoxiswana. Lezi zizohluka kubudlelwano ngamunye. Kungaba yizinto ezifana nalezi:

Ukuba nendawo ephephile yokuxhumana ngaphandle kokwesaba ukwenqatshwa noma intukuthelo
Ukubonana ngamehlo ozwelo
Ukwamukela nokwazisa

Zizwe ukhululekile ukushintsha noma ukwengeza kulokhu. Ungase ube nento efanayo ngokwezidingo zobudlelwano bakho.

Inhliziyo yendaba iwukuba ngamabomu. Lowo umqondo oyinhloko wobudlelwane obaziyo, kanye nokwazisa ubuntu, ukuxhumana okuvulekile, kanye nokukhulisa ukukhula komuntu ngamunye kozakwethu. Ngakho-ke, sonke isinyathelo osithathayo ucabangele ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho siyisinyathelo sokuthuthukisa izimfanelo zokuqaphela kanye nobudlelwano obaziyo nomlingani wakho.

Khumbula, ubudlelwano obuqondayo abunqunyelwe. Okusho ukuthi, akukho ukukutshela ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze. Qaphela, qaphela. Qonda ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho bulambele ini. Futhi bunikeze lokho kanye. NjengoDani noJo, thola ukwesekwa abeluleki abangochwepheshe abangakusiza kulokhu.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Kungani unembeza ubalulekile ebudlelwaneni?

Unembeza uyisikhungo sokuziphatha somuntu, esikutshela okungalungile nokulungile. Yilowo muzwa wamathumbu okuholela ekwenzeni okufanele impilo yakho yonke. Ukuvumela unembeza wakho ukuhole lapho umatasatasa othandweni, kukwenza wenze okungcono kakhulu ebudlelwaneni benu.

2. Yiziphi izimfanelo ezine zobuhlobo obuhle?

Ubuhlobo obuhle kunzima ukufingqa ngamaphuzu. Uma kukwenza uzizwe ujabule ngawe, ngempilo yakho yamanje futhi ube nethemba ngekusasa lakho, kufanele kube ubuhlobo obuhle. Uma bekufanele siphendule lena, besingagqamisa ukuhloniphana, ukwethembana nokwethembeka, ukuxhumana okukhulu okuqhubekayo, kanye nesikhala sokukhula komuntu ngamunye njengezimfanelo ezine kweziningi zobudlelwane obuhle bokuqaphela.

3. Ingabe ukungena othandweni uyazi noma uqulekile?

Ukungena othandweni kuwukukhetha okuqaphelayo kanye nesenzo sokuqaphela. Njengoba kufanele kube njalo. Uthando luwumkhuba odinga isenzo njalo ohlangothini lwakho ukuze wondle.

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Ubani Umyeni Wendondo

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.