Abantu bayinkimbinkimbi. Ubudlelwano nakakhulu. Ungase uthande othile ngokujulile kodwa umosha ukuxhumana owabelana ngakho naye. Awukakalungeli ukubadedela kodwa ukuba ndawonye kubuhlungu ngendlela emangalisayo. Uma ubambene phakathi kwedwala nendawo eqinile njengalena, usala nombuzo owodwa emqondweni wakho – ukuthi ungabulungisa kanjani ubudlelwano obumoshile.
Ubuhlungu bokushonelwa umuntu omthandayo noma omazisayo buyanda uma wazi ukuthi izenzo zakho yizona ezikuhlukanise. Amaphutha ebudlelwaneni enzeka nhlangothi zombili. Kodwa uma weqe umugqa nowakho, kungaba nzima kakhulu ukuhlehlisa lowo monakalo. Isibonelo, uma ukhohlise umlingani wakho, icala lingabangela ukuqaphela ukuthi "Ngimoshe ubudlelwano bami", kuhambisana nomuzwa ocwilayo, ngisho nangaphambi kokuba umlingani wakho azi ngesiphambeko.
Ukulungisa ubudlelwano owabumosha ngokukopela noma ukulimaza umlingani wakho kungaba nzima. Kulezo zinsuku zokuqala zokuhlehla, kungase kuzwe sengathi ayikho indlela yokuhlenga isibopho sakho. Lokhu akusho ukuthi wonke amathemba aphelile. Kungenzeka ngempela ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuchithile. Inqobo nje uma uzimisele ukwenza ingxenye yengonyama yomsebenzi odingekayo ukuze ulungise isibopho sakho. Sikutshela ukuthi kanjani, ngokubonisana nodokotela wengqondo u-Jui Pimple, i-Rational Emotive Behavior Therapist eqeqeshiwe kanye nodokotela we-A Bach Remedy ogxile ekwelulekeni ku-inthanethi.
21 Izindlela Zokulungisa Ubudlelwano Obumoshile
Okuqukethwe
Ukugcina nokugcina ubudlelwano kungaba nzima. Uma nindawonye isikhathi eside, uthando olunihlanganisa ndawonye njengombhangqwana lungaphazanyiswa ukuphila okungavamile, izinkinga zobudlelwane, ukungezwani, amaphutha, ukushelela, nezingxabano ezilandelayo. Amanye amaphutha noma ukungezwani kulimaza kakhulu kunabanye, futhi kungadala umonakalo ebudlelwaneni benu.
Ungase ushiywe udwengula ubuchopho bakho, "Ngibubhidlizile ubudlelwano bami, ngingabulungisa kanjani?" Ungapheli amandla uma kulapho okhona. Kwesinye isikhathi, kuthatha ikhefu eliseduze esibophweni sakho ukuze ubone ukuthi umazisa kangakanani umlingani wakho futhi umfuna empilweni yakho. Indaba kaChristy, usomabhizinisi waseChicago, iwubufakazi baleli qiniso. Wayesebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, obuzinzile noDavid iminyaka engaphezu kweyisikhombisa.
Laba bobabili babehlala ndawonye, futhi uChristy wayenethemba ngasese ukuthi uDavid uzobuza umbuzo ngokushesha kunokuba kamuva. Sebehlale ndawonye isikhathi eside kangaka, ubudlelwano babo base buzinze esigqini esibikezelwe. Ngesikhathi bejabulela ukuba ndawonye futhi bethandana kakhulu, 'inhlansi' yayiphelile. Bese kuba nokulwa nokuhilizisana okujwayelekile.
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Phakathi kwale mpilo ebikezelwayo kodwa ezinzile, uChristy wazithola ethandwa umuntu asebenza naye. Ngemva kokuchitha iziphuzo ngempelasonto neqembu lezigelekeqe zasehhovisi, uzithole evale umlomo noNolan endaweni engemuva ye-pub abebezihlalele kuyo. Iseshini eshisayo yokuzenzela eyalandelwa wukwenza uthando okugoqeka ngozwane endaweni yakhe kwaholela ebudlelwaneni obugcwele phakathi kwabo bobabili.
Yiqiniso, uDavid wazizwa ejabule kakhulu. Njengoba uChristy wayevame ukufika ebusuku emsebenzini kanye nohambo lwakhe lomsebenzi ngempelasonto, akuzange kudingeke isayensi ukuze kutholakale ukuthi kwenzekani. Lapho lolu daba luvela obala, uDavid washesha ukuhlukana futhi wahamba. UChristy akakutholanga nje kuphela kunzima kakhulu ukuhlukana nomuntu ayehlala naye kodwa futhi nokwehluleka kwamenza waqaphela ukuthi wayemhlonipha kangakanani uDavid kanye nobudlelwano babo. “Ngibuchithile ubuhlobo bami futhi ngiyabufuna futhi” yilokho kuphela ayekucabanga.
Ngemva kwezinyanga ezama, nokwelulekwa okuthile, wakwazi ukwenza uDavid aphendule. Wayesenomsebenzi omkhulu wokuqeda umonakalo ebudlelwaneni. Ngokusekelwa okufanele, bakwazi ukuqhubekela phambili kulokhu kuphazamiseka. Uhambo lwakhe luyisifundo sendlela yokulungisa ubudlelwano obumoshile:
1. Yamukela indima yakho ekulimazeni ubudlelwano
Yini okufanele uyenze uma uchithe ubudlelwano? Zibophezele ngokuphelele ngezenzo zakho, ukuze umlingani wakho akholelwe ukuthi ufuna ngobuqotho ukulungisa izinto. Yebo, isinyathelo sokuqala sokulungisa ubudlelwano obuchithekile ukwamukela ukuthi nguwe obangele ukuba buchitheke. Kungase kungabi lula kodwa kubalulekile uma ufuna ukusindisa ubudlelwano.
Ekhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho, uChristy uthi kungase kube ingxenye enzima kakhulu yohambo. “Ngicekele phansi ubuhlobo obungcono kakhulu engake ngaba nabo kodwa ngangigxile kakhulu ekutholeni amaphutha noDavid nobuhlobo bethu ukuze sizizwe singesabekayo ngalokho okwakwenzekile. Ngicabanga ukuthi kuwukuthambekela okuvamile. Ngokungangabazeki ubheka amaphutha kumlingani wakho ongawasebenzisa njengezaba zokuthethelela izenzo namaphutha akho,” uyanezela.
Uma ufuna ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile nesoka noma intombi yakho, kubalulekile ukuthi ugxile ku-I kunawe. Noma ngabe umlingani wakho ubeneqhaza alibamba kunoma yini enihlukanise, manje akusona isikhathi sokuyiveza. Vuma futhi wamukele amaphutha akho, futhi kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho ungathemba ngisho nokuqala ukulungisa isibopho sakho esilimele.
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I-2. Qiniseka
UJui uthi ukwethembeka kuyisihluthulelo, ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukulungisa ubudlelwano lapho ukwethembana kuphukile. “Ukuba qotho, ukuba qotho kungenye yezinsika ezibalulekile zobudlelwano. Ukuze ulungise izinto, qala ngokuba qotho ngalokho ozizwayo noma okwenzayo ebudlelwaneni. Yiba qotho ngalokho ozizwayo ngomlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano bakho. Kuzohlonishwa ngaphezu kwemizwa yothando mbumbulu,” kusho yena.
Endabeni kaChristy, kwakusho ukuphumela obala ngokuzizwa kwakhe enesizungu ebuhlotsheni, okwaba yimbangela yokungathembeki kwakhe. “Ngibhidlize ubuhlobo bami ngothando lwami. Manje, ukuze ngikulungise, kwadingeka ngizilungiselele ukungajabuli kokubeka ubuhlobo bethu ngaphansi kwesithwebuli bese ngithola ukuthi yini engasebenzi nokuthi kungani,” kusho yena.
Ukusho okuthile ngendlela ethi, “Bengingeke ngigcine izimfihlo uma ungazange ushaye into ecokeme yakho yonke into encane”, ngokuqinisekile akuyona indlela olungisa ngayo ubuhlobo obumoshe ngokuqamba amanga. UJui weluleka ngokuthi nakuba lokhu kuyingxenye ebalulekile yenqubo yokulungisa ubudlelwano owabuchitha, kufanele kwenziwe ngaphandle kokubeka izinsolo kumlingani wakho noma ukumenza azizwe enecala ngamaphutha akho.
3. Qala inkhulumomphendvulwano ukuze udlulele kumlingani wakho
Ukuze ukwazi ukulungisa ubuhlobo obuphukile nentombi yakho noma isoka, udinga ukudlula kubo futhi nixoxe. Lokho kuhlanganisa ukubeka i-ego yakho eceleni nokufinyelela. Ngisho noma ungakakulungeli ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakho kuze kube yilapho nibhekana ubuso nobuso, ukufinyelela umbhalo kungase kube isiqalo esihle sokuqeda ingxabano.
Yebo, awukwazi ukuthemba ukuthi umyalezo uzolungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile, kodwa uzokunikeza okuthile ongasebenza ngakho. Ukwenza umzamo wokufinyelela kunoma yiluphi usuku kungcono kunokuhlala phansi futhi ukhale, “Ngenze iphutha elacekela phansi ubuhlobo bami.” Ungase ungapholisi maseko, kodwa ngokuphikelela, okungenani uzothola umlingani wakho ukuthi akuzwe.
UChristy uthi, “Ngemva nje kokuxabana noDavid, nganquma ukuqeda lolu daba futhi ngahlukana noNolan. Ngazama ukuxhumana nesoka lami izikhathi eziningana kodwa inombolo yami yayivaliwe. Kwathi ngolunye usuku, ngathumela 'sawubona' olulula, nginethemba elincane lokuthi luzofika. Akuzange kuthunyelwe umyalezo kuphela, kodwa noDavid waphendula. Lokho kwavula iminyango yengxoxo phakathi kwethu futhi.”
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4. Xoxani ngendlela yokulungisa ubudlelwano enibuphulile
“Ngifuna ukulungisa ubudlelwano engibuchithile kodwa angazi ukuthi ngiqale kuphi noma ukuthi ngingabuqeda kanjani.” Lokhu kungaba yisimo esivamile lapho ubudlelwano bakho sebusezinyaweni zokugcina, njengoba isinyathelo esisodwa esingalungile singabulimaza ekugcineni. Ungase wesabe ukuthi umlingani wakho angagcina esho izinto ezibuhlungu noma ungase usho okuthile okwenza ubuhlungu obumbangele bona bube bubi nakakhulu, okwenza isimo esibi sibe sibi kakhulu.
Lapho ukwesaba nokwesaba okunjalo kukugubuzela, kuyasiza ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi ukungenzi lutho nakho akuzukusiza. Uma kukhona, ukuntuleka komzamo kusuka ekugcineni kwakho kungase kuthumele umlayezo kumlingani wakho ukuthi awunandaba. Lokho kungenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuthi ulungise ubudlelwano obuchithile ngokuqamba amanga noma ukulimaza omunye wakho obalulekile.
UJui uyeluleka, "Lapho ubudlelwano bubhidlika noma sebuzogqashuka, kubalulekile ukubhunga ukuthi yini engenziwa ukuze bulungiswe. Ngisho noma wenze iphutha ebudlelwaneni obucishe bube yingozi kubo, zama ukufaka umlingani wakho kulolu hlelo. Kuzokusiza ukuthi uthole imibono eyengeziwe futhi umlingani uzokwazi ukuthi ubudlelwano busho ukuthini kuwe. Ukusebenza njengeqembu kuyohlale kuholela imiphumela engcono."
5. Yisho ngokucacile izinhloso zakho
“Lapho mina noDavid sesiphinde saxoxa, ngasebenzisa ithuba lokudalula inhliziyo yami kuye. Ngokwenza kanjalo, ngangineqiniso ngo-100% futhi ngikhululekile mayelana nezinhloso zami nalokho enganginethemba lokukufeza ngokuzama ukufinyelela ubuhlobo bami. Kwakungekho kungabaza engqondweni yami ukuthi ngangifuna ukuba naye. Ngangazi ukuthi ngibubhidlizile ubuhlobo bami nothando lwempilo yami futhi ngangizimisele ukwenza noma yini engangiyidinga ukuze ngimlungise,” kusho uKristu.
Lena yingxenye ebalulekile yenqubo yokulungisa umonakalo ebudlelwaneni bese uqala inqubo yokubuyisela ukwethembana ngemva kokuqamba amanga noma ukukopela noma ukulimaza umlingani wakho nganoma iyiphi enye indlela. Ngokukhuluma ngokucacile nangokuqondile, ubonisa umlingani wakho inhlonipho emfanele kanye nokumenza abone ukuthi uzibophezele ekubeni sobala kuye uma enquma ukukunika elinye ithuba.
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6. Zijwayeze ukulalela ngokucophelela
Uma usebenza ukulungisa ubudlelwano obubhubhisile, khona-ke kumelwe ulungele ukuzwa amaqiniso abuhlungu kanye nokukhuluma okubuhlungu noma ngisho nokulahlwa ngokomzwelo okuvela kumlingani wakho. Yiqiniso, okunye kwakho kungaba yiqiniso, okunye kungaba nje ukubikezela ubuhlungu ababhekene nabo. Kodwa akukho nokukodwa okuzoba lula ukukuzwa.
UChristy ukhumbula uDavid esho izinto ezilimazayo ezenze inhliziyo yakhe yaphuka yaba yizicucu eziyisigidi. “Ngaphezu kwalokho ayekusho, ngicabanga ukuthi, iqiniso lokuthi umuntu owayengithanda kangaka wayengazizwa ngaleyo ndlela ngami kwakunzima kakhulu ukulikhipha isisu. Kwakukhona izikhathi lapho ngangivele ngifune ukusukuma ngihambe. Kodwa ngangihlale ngizikhumbuza ukuthi kungani ngangilapho, ngizama ukulungisa ubuhlobo bami futhi ngimvumela ukuba aveze okuningi njengoba ayedinga ngaphandle kokuphendula noma ukuphindisela.
Uthi: “Ngicabanga ukuthi kwakubalulekile kuye ukuba asuse lowo mthwalo esifubeni sakhe ngaphambi kokuba sibe nethemba lokulungisa umonakalo esiba nawo ebuhlotsheni bakhe.” Ngemva kwalokho, waqaphela ukuthi ezinye zezinto ayezishilo wayengazisho futhi waxolisa ngokufanelekile.
7. Cabanga ngalokho okungahambanga kahle
Ungabulungisa kanjani ubudlelwano obolile? UJui uyeluleka, “Cabanga ngokuthi konakelephi, ukuthi ubungasisindisa kanjani. Cabanga ngesigameko uphinde uzame ukubona ukuthi sibi ngempela yini njengoba ucabanga.” Ukuzihlola kungakunikeza isheke langempela lokuthi yini engahambanga kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho, kukwenze wenze ngendlela osuzibuza ukuthi yini okumele uyenze uma ucekele phansi ubudlelwano.
Endabeni kaChristy, lokhu kwakusho ukuphinda akhumbule imininingwane yobudlelwano bakhe noNolan noDavid. Njengoba uDavid embuza imibuzo mayelana nobudlelwano bakhe, uChristy wazizwa sengathi uphinda akhumbule izigaba ezahlukene zecala ngemva kokukopela futhi. Nakuba kwakungelula ngaye ukuveza imininingwane nokuthi ayizwe, bobabili banomuzwa wokuthi kwakudingeka bashiye lesi sigameko esikhathini esidlule futhi baqale kabusha.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, zindla ngezinkumbulo ezinhle nendlela ubuhlobo obakheka ngayo. Ukukhumbula izikhathi zothando kuyokusiza uzizwe ungcono futhi ucabange izindlela zokulungisa ubuhlobo obonakele,” kunezela uJui.
8. Yakha ibhuloho
Ukuze ukwazi ukulungisa umonakalo ebudlelwaneni futhi uqhubekele phambili, udinga ukwakha amabhuloho kunokuba uwashise. Lokhu kusho ukwelula igatsha lomnqumo futhi wazise umlingani wakho ukuthi usukulungele ukushiya izinkinga ezedlule bese uvula iqabunga elisha. Futhi, ubatshele ukuthi uyethemba futhi ulindele ukuthi bazokwazi ukwenza okufanayo.
Isibonelo, uma uchithe ubudlelwano obuhle ngenxa yezinkinga zokuthembana , qinisekisa umlingani wakho ukuthi uzimisele ukwenza umsebenzi odingekayo ukuze ukwazi ukuthembana kakhudlwana ebudlelwaneni. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, mcele ukuthi akunike ukucaca nokwethembeka okwengeziwe uma yilokho okudingayo ukuze ukwazi ukuthembana futhi.
“Yebo, ngabulimaza kakhulu ubuhlobo bethu ngokukhohlisa uDavid.” Nokho, nganginomuzwa wokunganeliseki owawulokhu uqhubeka owangenza ngeqa umugqa. Ngosizo lomelaphi wami, ngakwazi ukufunda indlela yokudlulisela lokhu kuDavid ngaphandle kokumenza azizwe enecala ngokukopela. hlala kahle naye ngokushesha, kodwa wagcina efikile,” kusho uChristy
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9. Gxila othandweni enabelana ngalo
Uma ufuna ukulungisa ubudlelwano enabuchitha futhi niphole ndawonye njengombhangqwana, kubalulekile ukusetha kabusha iwashi kubambiswano lwenu libe isikhathi ngaphambi kokuthi zonke izinkinga nezinkinga ziqale ukuvela. UChristy noDavid bathole lokhu ngokuphatha ubudlelwano babo njengobudlelwano 2.0. Lapho yonke intukuthelo, imizwa ebuhlungu kanye nemizwa engemihle isikhishiwe futhi yasingathwa, uChristy wamcela ukuba aphume naye.
“Inye kuphela into engangiyicela kuye—ukuthi ngeke sikuveze okwedlule, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Yebo, ngabubhidliza ubuhlobo bami kodwa uma siqhubeka silungisa leso sici sisodwa, yayingekho indlela esasiyothuthuka ngayo ekulungiseni ubuhlobo bethu. Ngiyamhlonipha kakhulu uDavid ngokugcina izwi lakhe, nakuba kwakungelula kuye,” usho kanje.
Kufanele uqaphele ukuthi ukuthi “Ngibhubhise ubudlelwano bami futhi ngiyabufuna bubuye” kungaba yisifiso esingenamsebenzi uma umonakalo ebudlelwaneni bakho umkhulu. Kunethuba elihle lokuthi izinto zingase zingaphinde zibuyele endleleni ezaziyiyo, kodwa ngomzamo oqhubekayo, ungafunda ukuthi ungasinda kanjani ekukhashelweni ebudlelwaneni futhi ubuvuselele kusukela phansi.
10. Xolisa ukulungisa umonakalo ebudlelwaneni
Uma uzama ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuwonakele ngokukopela, yazi ukuthi indlela eya ekululameni ngeke ibe lula noma iqonde. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokwenza intuthuko ukuvuma iphutha lakho ngokungangabazeki. UJui ugcizelela, “Akukho okubi ngokwamukela iphutha lakho nokuzisola ngalo. Ukuxolisa kwangempela kuhlala kuthethelelwa ngakho uma ubudlelwano bubalulekile gcina ukuzikhukhumeza eceleni bese wamukela iphutha lakho.”
Yebo, kungenzeka ukuthi wake waxolisa noma waxolisa ngephutha lakho esikhathini esidlule. Ikakhulukazi, ngalezo zinsuku zokuqala zokuzama ukulungisa ubudlelwano wamosha. Uma ulaka selupholile futhi nobabili nikhululekile, nizolile, futhi niqoqiwe, kwenzeni futhi. Yazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi kungakanani ukuzisola ngokumzwisa ubuhlungu futhi mqinisekise ukuthi uzimisele ukwenza noma yini edingekayo ukuze ulungise.
11. Yeka izinto ezilindelwe
Yini okufanele uyenze uma uchithe ubudlelwano? Sebenza ekubekeni amathemba angokoqobo mayelana nokulungisa umonakalo, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, ungabeki umthwalo kumathemba akho kumlingani wakho. Ungakhulumi nomlingani wakho ngemva kokuba ubudlelwano benu bube nenkinga ulindele umphumela othile.
Khumbula ukuthi ongakwenza nje ukwenza umzamo wokulungisa ubudlelwano obuchithile. Ukuthi umlingani wakho uyakubuyisela noma cha kukubo. Ngokuzikhulula kulokho okulindelekile komphumela onqunywe kusengaphambili, uba nokwamukela kakhulu noma iyiphi indlela izinto ezihamba ngayo. Kuleso simo, uma ukwazi ukulungisa ubuhlobo bakho, uzokwazi ukubazisa kakhulu.
UChristy uthi, “Ngemva kokuba uDavid ephumile ekhaya, ngase ngicishe ngilahlekelwe yithemba lokuthi uyoke abusindise ubuhlobo bami. Khona-ke, lapho engivimba, kwafa ngisho nenhlansi yokugcina yethemba. Kodwa ngaqhubeka ngizama noma kunjalo. Kwakungenzeka ukuthi wayengakaze asabele. Kodwa ngangingafuni ukuphila nokuzisola ngokungazami ngokwanele.”
12. Ungaciphi izinkinobho zabo
Uma wenze into ephazamise ubudlelwano benu, yabuphushela onqenqemeni, kungokwemvelo ukuthi umlingani wakho abe sengozini. Uma uzama ukuqonda ukuthi bungalungiswa kanjani ubudlelwano obolile, qaphela ukuthi ungaciphi izinkinobho zabo noma ungabacuphisi nganoma iyiphi indlela.
Udinga ukunikeza umlingani wakho isikhala sokuxazulula imizwa yakhe futhi aqhubekisele phambili izinto ngesivinini abakhululekile ngaso. Khumbula, isikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni singaba yinhlaka ebambisana ndawonye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma uzithola usesimweni esinzima lapho izenzo zakho zonakalise ubudlelwano futhi zasunduza umlingani wakho kude.
“Umelaphi wami wayengisizile ukuba ngiqonde ukuthi noma yikuphi ukukhuluma ngoNolan okwaqalwa yimi kwakungahlehlisa yonke inqubekelaphambili engangiyenzile ekuzameni ukuzuza uthando nothando lukaDavid futhi.Ngakho-ke, ngenza umgomo wokugwema ukukhuluma nendlovu ekamelweni aze ayenze.Ngisho nalapho, ngabona ukuthi uDavid wayengakwazi ukusho igama lakhe. Wayelokhu esebenzisa amagama afana nokuthi 'yena', 'ukumhola,' wonke umuntu. ngokuzimisela ukubalekela ukubiza igama lakhe.”
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13. Hlala ulawula inkulumo
Yini okufanele uyenze uma nibhidlize ubudlelwano? Nokho, uma kukhulunywa ngokuvuselela ubudlelwano benu nokuphulukiswa njengombhangqwana, ungazami ukubulungisa. Uma uzama ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile nesoka lakho noma intombi yakho, kungazwakala sengathi uyazungeza futhi awukwenzi lutho oluhamba phambili. Yingakho kufanele ube nohlelo lokusebenza endaweni, uhlale ulawula ingxoxo, futhi uqhubeke nokuqondisa izingxoxo zibuyele endleleni efanele.
“Ngesikhathi silungisa ubuhlobo bethu, uDavid wayethambekele ekushintsheni izinto ezihlukahlukene. Ngezinye izikhathi, wayefuna ngixoxe ngemininingwane yalokho okwakwenzeka phakathi kwami noNolan. Kwezinye, wayekhuluma amazwi athukuthele, aqonde mina noma ubuhlobo bubonke. Ngangiye ngimvumele ngiphumele obala isikhathi esithile, bese ngimbuyisela ngomusa ekukhulumeni ngekusasa lobuhlobo bethu nokuthi singazenza kanjani izinto kulesi sikhathi,” kusho uKristu.
14. Gwema umdlalo wokusola
UJui uyeluleka, “Ukudlala umdlalo wokusola kuyinto echitha ubudlelwano obuhle obuningi. Ngakho-ke, ukugwema lokhu kuba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu uma uzama ukusindisa ubudlelwano obusezandleni zokugcina. Uma ufuna ukulungisa nokusindisa ubudlelwano bakho, kungase kudingeke ulahle izinto ezimbalwa. Ukusola omunye umuntu ngezinkinga zakho zobudlelwano kuzomane kubangele ukuqhekeka okwengeziwe ebudlelwaneni bakho.”
Ngokwesibonelo, uma uzama ukulungisa ubuhlobo owabumosha ngokuqamba amanga, ungabeki icala ngezenzo zakho kumlingani wakho ngokusho okuthile okufana nokuthi “Bengingeke ngikuqambele amanga ukube ubungalawuleki futhi usolisa ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngenza iphutha kodwa awukho msulwa ngempela lapha, ngakho-ke angiboni ukuthi kungani ungakwazi ukunginika elinye ithuba.” Esikhundleni salokho, yiba nengxenye yakho futhi ushiye inketho yokuba nezabo kumlingani wakho. Ukuthi bayakwenza noma cha kuncike kubo ngokuphelele.
I-15. Iba nesineke
Uma wenze iphutha ebudlelwaneni elacishe labulala, kufanele uzilungiselele indlela ende yokululama. Amanxeba athatha isikhathi ukuphola, futhi ngezinye izikhathi, ngisho nalapho izibazi zisekhona - zihlale zikukhumbuza leso sigameko esibi esacishe sanqamula ubuhlobo bakho. Emizamweni yakho yokulungisa ubudlelwano owamosha, ukubekezela kungumngane wakho omkhulu.
Isibonelo, uChristy kwadingeka alinde izinyanga ukuze axhumane noDavid. Ngisho nangemva kokuba laba bobabili bexoxe ubuso nobuso okokuqala, kwathatha ezinye izinyanga ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba aqunge isibindi sokumcela ukuthi niphume niyothandana noma enze noma yini ecishe ibe ngeyesibili naye. Ngaphambi kokuthi uxhumane nomlingani wakho ukuze nilungise izinto, hlala phansi ucabange kahle bese uhlola ukuthi ucabanga ukuthi ubuhlobo benu bufanele yini ukulondolozwa . Uma impendulo ingu-yebo oqinile, kufanele uzame ukulungisa ubuhlobo benu kuphela uma impendulo ingu-yebo oqinile.
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16. Thola ukwethenjwa
“Ngiwubhubhisile ubudlelwano bami, ngingabulungisa kanjani?” Uma lo mbuzo ubulokhu ukwenze ungalali, yazi ukuthi ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ngemva kokuba sekuphelile kunzima kakhulu kunokuthola ukwethenjwa ngumuntu kwasekuqaleni. Kufanele uthathe izinyathelo ezincane zokuvuselela ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni bakho , futhi ungamgxeki umlingani wakho uma ehluleka ukwamukela amazwi nezithembiso zakho.
UJui uthi, “Uma kukhona okwenzile okwephula ukwethenjwa komlingani wakho, kuzodingeka usebenze kanzima ukuze ukubuyisela. Ungalindeli ukuthi umlingani wakho akhohlwe kalula kanjalo, mnike isikhathi esanele sokucabanga ngakho. Okwamanje, yenza noma yini edingekayo ukuze uthole ukwethenjwa futhi. Futhi, ungaphinde usiphinde leso sigameko.
17. Sebenzani ndawonye njengeqembu
Uma usebenzela ukulungisa ubudlelwano lapho ukwethembana kuphelile, ukubuyisa umoya weqembu kungakusiza kakhulu ekusizeni ukuthi nilulame njengombhangqwana. Ukuze ulungise ubudlelwano obumoshe ngokuqamba amanga noma ukulimaza umlingani wakho, udinga ukumkhumbuza ukuthi kungani nindawonye. Ayikho into engaqhubela ekhaya lowo mlayezo kangcono kunokuzama isandla sakho emisebenzini yokwakha iqembu edinga ukuthi nisebenze ngokuvumelanisa omunye nomunye.
UChristy uthi umelaphi wakhe uphakamise ukuzivocavoca ayecabanga ukuthi kuwubulima kodwa imiphumela ebonakalayo yashintsha umbono wakhe. “Umelaphi wami wangicela ukuthi ngidlale imidlalo yebhodi noma ngihlanganyele emisebenzini noDavid eyayidinga ukuthi sisebenze njengeqembu.” Ngakho, ngolunye usuku ngamyisa endlini ekhuphuka amadwala, futhi njengoba sasisizana ukuze sifinyelele phezulu, sazizwa sivumelana kakhulu.
“Ngokunjalo, besidlala umdlalo we-free-fall sodwa lapho omunye uzakwethu evalwe amehlo bese ewela eceleni kwakhe, futhi omunye kufanele ababambe ngaphambi kokuba bashaye phansi.” Okuxakayo ukuthi lezi zivivinyo zisize ekwakheni kabusha ukwethembana nokubuyisela umuzwa wobambiswano ngaphezu kwanoma yimaphi amazwi noma iziqinisekiso ezingaba nazo,” kusho uChristy.
18. Ungazibophezeli kulokho ongakwazi ukukunikeza
Ngokuvamile, ekushisekeleni ukulungisa ubuhlobo obuphukile nentombi noma isoka lakho, ungase ugcine wenze izithembiso ongeke ukwazi ukuzigcina. Nokho, lokhu kukulungiselela ukwehluleka futhi kwenza ukubuyisela ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kube nzima kakhulu. Isibonelo, uDavid wabuza uChristy ukuthi angavuma yini ukuyeka ihhovisi lakhe lamanje noma okungenani acele ukudluliselwa ukuze uNolan aphume ngokuphelele esithombeni.
"Umqondo wami wokuqala kwakuwukuthi yebo, kodwa ngaphakathi ngangazi ukuthi lokho kwakungeyona into engangiyifuna noma engangizimisele ukuyenza futhi ngangingafuni ukwenza ukuyekethisa okungekuhle ebudlelwaneni . Ngangiwuthanda umsebenzi wami kanye nabantu engangisebenza nabo. Ngakho-ke, ngamchazela ukuthi ukuyeka noma ukuthutha kwakungeyona impendulo yezinkinga zethu. Njengoba isisho sithi, umuntu okhohlisayo angathola njalo izindlela nezindlela zokuzitika ngeziphambeko zakhe."
“Esasikudinga esikhundleni salokho kwakuwukuba uDavid akholelwe ukuthi ngangiqonde ukuthi ngangisho ukuthi noma yini enjengalena yayingeke iphinde yenzeke.” Lokhu kwamphatha kabi ekuqaleni, futhi wakubona kuwukuntula kwami ukuzidela ngenxa yobuhlobo bami.
19. Gcina izithembiso zakho
Njengoba kubalulekile ukuthi ungathembisi lokho ongeke ukwazi ukukufeza, kubaluleke kakhulu ukugcina izithembiso ozenzayo. Ubudlelwano obonakele ngeke bubuyiselwe empilweni ngaphandle uma uzakwenu onephutha ezimisele ukuthatha izinyathelo eziqinile zokukhombisa ukuthi uzimisele ukwenza elinye imayela ukuze avuselele ukuxhumana.
Kubalulekile ukwenza umlingani wakho abone ukuthi angakwethemba futhi ayikho indlela engcono yokwenza lokho kunokuvumela izenzo zakho zizikhulumele. Ngokugcina izithembiso ozenzela umlingani wakho, ubonisa ukuthi uyazihlonipha. Uma ubona ukuthi wenza umsebenzi wokulungisa izinkinga ezikuhlukanisile, umlingani wakho angase azisole ngokuhlukana futhi anikeze ubudlelwano elinye ithuba.
Lapho uDavid ecela uChristy ukuthi ayeke umsebenzi noma afune ukushintshelwa kwenye indawo, wamthembisa ukuthi wayezogwema noma yiziphi izimo ezinjalo lapho yena noNolan babengase babe ndawonye ngaphandle komsebenzi. Uthi: “Lokho kwakusho ukuyeka ukuvakasha kwethu kwamasonto onke ehhovisi futhi ngicele umphathi wami ukuba aqinisekise ukuthi uma kufanele sihambe siye emsebenzini, mina noNolan asixoshwa ndawonye.
20. Buyisa uthando ebudlelwaneni bakho
Ingxenye enzima kakhulu yokuzama ukulungisa umonakalo ebudlelwaneni ukuvuselela izinhlobo ezahlukene zokusondelana . Ukuqabulana kwakho kokuqala noma okokuqala embhedeni ngemva kokuhluleka okukhulu kungaba yinto exakile futhi egcwele ukwesaba. UChristy noDavid babhekana nalesi sithiyo ngokubeka ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba kuqala kunocansi.
“Kunokuba silale ndawonye ngenxa yemizwa yethu, sanquma ukuzibamba.” Kwakunzima ngoba kwakunezikhathi lapho sobabili sasifuna khona.
"Isinyathelo esilandelayo kwakuwukubuyisela imibukiso yothando ebuhlotsheni. Ukubamba izandla ngenkathi sibuka i-TV, ukuqabulana njalo, ukugona ngesikhathi silele, nokunye. Kwaba yilapho sobabili sasiqiniseka ngokuphelele ukuthi sase sikulungele ukudlula lesi sihibe lapho senza ucansi okokuqala ngqa esikhathini esingaphezu konyaka," kusho uChristy.
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21. Bekani isikhathi ndawonye kuqala
Kungenye into ukulungisa ubuhlobo obumoshile, nokunye ukubugcina buqinile. Leso sipelingi sokuthi “Ngizokwenza noma yini ukuvuselela lobu budlelwano” siyaphela, futhi uphinda ujwayelane nesigqi. Uma lokho kwenzeka, ingozi yokuwela emaphethini amadala inkulu kakhulu. Udinga ukuthatha izinyathelo zokuqapha ukuze ugcine ubudlelwano buqinile ngezikhathi ezinjalo.
Kuleso sigaba, kuyaphoqa ukuthi sigweme amaphutha esikhathi esidlule futhi singathathelani kalula. UChristy noDavid, ngokwesibonelo, bakwenze kwaba umthetho ukuthi sidle isidlo sakusihlwa ndawonye njalo ebusuku bese sichitha 'isikhathi sethu' lapho bobabili bexoxa, beshintshana ngezindaba zezinsuku zabo, babuze imibuzo, bahleke, futhi babuke amafilimu, ngaphambi kokushaya isaka. Lokhu kubasize ukugcina inhlansi iphila ebudlelwaneni babo 2.0.
Kungenzeka ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile enabumosha futhi niphulukise ndawonye njengombhangqwana, kodwa kuthatha umzamo omkhulu nokusebenza kanzima. Hhayi nje ohlangothini lwakho kodwa nozakwenu. Ngaphambi kokwenza umzamo wokuhlenga isibopho sakho, qiniseka ngokuphindwe kabili ukuthi umlingani wakho uzibophezele ekusenzeni sisebenze njengawe. Ngaphandle kwalokho, yonke imizamo yakho iyobe iyize.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Yebo, ubuhlobo obonakele bungakhiwa kabusha inqobo nje uma bobabili abalingani bezimisele ukwenza umzamo nomsebenzi odingekayo ukuze baxazulule izinkinga zabo futhi benze isiqalo esisha. Kodwa-ke, ezimweni ezinjalo, umthwalo wokulungisa izinto ngokuyinhloko ulele kumlingani ozenzo zakhe zenze ubudlelwano bubhidlike.
Lapho wakha kabusha ubudlelwano obonakele, udinga ukubekezela okukhulu kanye nesifiso sokubona izinto zihamba kahle noma ngabe kunzima kangakanani. Kungakho, uma ubudlelwano bakho bube nezinkinga ezinkulu futhi bulenga ngochungechunge, kubalulekile ukuthatha isitoko futhi uhlole ukuthi kufanelekile yini ukulondolozwa.
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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
