Ngā Tohu Matua e 15 o te Tāne Hiahia ki te Whaiaro, ā, he aha ia i pērā ai?

He tino raruraru te whai tāne hiahia-ā-tangata. I tētahi atu rā noa nei, i a au e haere ana i runga i te waka a te iwi, ka rongo ahau i tētahi kōrero a ngā wāhine tokorua. I a tētahi e kī ana, "He hiahia-ā-tangata taku tāne i te moenga," ka amuamu tētahi, "He nui ngā whakataunga a taku hoa rangatira i a au e kore nei au e mahi." I a ēnei wāhine pouri e kōrero ana mō ngā tohu o tētahi tāne kore whakawhetai, kāore i taea e au te ārai i te aroha ki a rāua.

Ko te hanga whanaungatanga hauora he tikanga tuku me tango tika. Engari, me pēhea mēnā ka tango noa tetahi hoa, kāore hoki e tuku i tetahi mea hei utu? Ka taea e te ao te whakamomori me te whakarihariha, inā koa kei roto kōrua i te here marena! Pērā i ngā wā katoa, ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakatau i tētahi raruraru ko te tautuhi i ngā tohu kino. Ā, kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te mahi i tēnā me tēnei whakarāpopototanga o ngā tohu matua o tētahi tāne hiahia-ā-iwi, kore-whakawhetai.

He aha ngā tāne ka noho hei tangata hiahia whaiaro?

Tērā pea he āhuatanga tūturu te āhua whaiaro, he hua rānei nō ngā wheako o te tangata, inā koa ko ngā mea e ahu mai ana i te tamarikitanga. Tērā pea he maha ngā take mō te whaiaro i roto i te marena:

• Nga wheako tamarikitanga: Nā te mea ko ia anake te tamaiti, kāore pea ia i ako i te ariā o te 'tohatoha', ahakoa he kai/pukapuka/taonga takaro/wāhi tinana. Tērā pea he tuākana/teina ōna i whakataetae, i whakatoi tonu rānei i a ia. Kāore rānei ōna mātua i te aro ki ōna kare ā-roto, i te wātea rānei. Nō reira, i ako ia me aro ia ki ōna ake hiahia nā te mea kāore he tangata kē atu e aro. Ko tēnei whanonga kua akohia inaianei ka puta ko ia he tāne kore whakaaro.
• Te whānautanga o te tamaiti: Ina whānau he tamaiti mā te tokorua, he mea maori noa iho te aro o te wahine ki tana pēpi hou. Ka waiho pea tēnei hei whakaaro kua mahue te tāne. Kei te hiahia tonu ia, kei te tono kia arohia ia, ā, he maha ngā wā ka puta tēnei hei whanonga pipiri
• Te ahotea mahi: Ka hoha te marena i muri i tētahi wā. Ina tino pāngia te tāne e te ahotea i te mahi, ka tīmata ia ki te tumanako me te tono kia nui ake i te kāinga. Ina kore e taea e ia te whakatutuki i ana hiahia, ka tupu te pouri hei riri, ka puta pea hei kore aro ki ō kare ā-roto.
• Te whakahihi o te tāne: He whakaaro tawhito ō ētahi tāne nā te mea i whakatipuria ai rātou me ō rātou awe ahurea. E hiahia tonu ana rātou kia whai mana nui i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, e mahi ana ki te huri i te mana ki tō rātou taha. Kāore e taea e rātou te whakaae kia hiahia nui ā rātou wāhine, kia whai mahi angitu rānei. Ka puta he whakaaro whakaiti i a rātou anō, ka riri ai rātou.

Ngā Tohu Matua e 15 o te Tāne Whaiaro

Kua whakaaro koe ki a koe anō, "Ka whakatau nui taku hoa i a au, kāore au i te taha" me "Ko ia anake te mea e aro nui ana taku tāne"? Ehara i te mea ka arahi noa ēnei kare ā-roto ki te kore harikoa engari ka pā hoki ki tō whakaaro ki a koe anō ina kore tō tāne e aroha . Tērā pea he tohu ēnei whanonga mō te hiahia whaiaro o tō tāne? Me titiro tātou ki ngā tohu matua o te tāne whaiaro kia kitea ai:

1. Kāore ia e aro ki ō hiahia

E mea ana a Natalie, he wahine manaaki kāinga kei roto i ōna tau 30, "Ko taku tāne, ko Patrick, e ārahi ana me te whakaaro he mea nui ake tana mahi, ā, e tumanako ana ia kia aru ahau i a ia ki ngā wāhi katoa e haria ana ia e tana mahi. E māharahara ana rānei ia me noho tata ahau ki ōku hoa me te whānau? Kāore au i te tino whakaaro pērā. He tangata whakahihi taku tāne, he tangata hiahia noa iho rānei?"

He rite tonu te āhua ki tēnei? Tērā pea ka rite koe ki ēnei tohu tāne hiahia-ā-tangata:

• Kāore e aro ki ō hiahia me ō moemoeā
• Ehara i te tangata whakarongo manawanui, ā, kāore e aro nui ana ki a koe, me te tumanako tonu kia whakarongo koe ki a ia
• Ko ana hiahia me tōna oranga anake e āwangawanga ana

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2. Ko ia tonu te rangatira

Ka whakaatuhia e te tangata hiahia-ā-tangata ngā tohu whero e whai ake nei:

• Is te rangatira i roto i te whanaungatanga me te kore e pai ki te whakaae ki ngā mea iti rawa
• Ka riri mō ngā raruraru iti
• E hiahia ana ki te kai tino tika, ki ngā rinena moenga tino tika, ki ngā tauera kua whakaritea, me tana kākahu kia tika te whakarite

Mā tēnei āhua rangatira ka puta tō hoa rangatira he tangata whanoke, kāore hoki e whai whakaaro ki a koe. Ki te kite koe i a koe anō e noho ana me te whakaaro, "He pai noa iho taku tāne ina hiahia ia ki tētahi mea", he tohu noa iho tēnei o tētahi tāne kino.

3. Māna e whakatau māu

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te tāne hiahia-ā-tangata ko tōna whakapono kāore koe e kaha ki te whakahaere. Kāore ia e kite i a koe e whai whakaaro ana ki ō whakaaro, ahakoa te nui, te iti rānei o te whakatau kei te ringa. Hei tauira, ki te haere kōrua ki te kai tahi, māna e whakatau te wāhi. Kia tae kōrua ki te wharekai, tera pea ka haere ia ki te tono kai māu. Ahakoa te hoko koha mā tana wahine , kāore te tāne whakaaro-kore e whai whakaaro ki ana mea e pai ana, e kore hoki e pai ki a ia.

4. Kāore te tāne hiahia nui e mihi

I tana kōrero mō te hiranga o te kawenga, i kōrero a Pooja Priyamvada, te kaiako aroā , ki a Bonobology, "Ko te kawenga i roto i te marena hauora ko te tikanga ka tohaina e kōrua te kawenga ki te whakahaere i taua marena kia pai, kia hauora hoki." Heoi, ko te tāne e aro nui ana ki a ia anō ka karo i te kawenga i ēnei huarahi e whai ake nei:

• Ka takaro ia hei patunga, ka tiaki rānei i a ia anō ina whakaatu koe i ōna ngoikoretanga
• Kāore ia e whai wā ki te whakaaroaro/ki te whakaaroaro anō mō ​​āna whanonga whaiaro
• Kāore ia e aro ki ngā whakahe, ā, ka riri ia mēnā ka whakaaturia e koe āna hapa 

Ko koe rānei te tangata e hiahia ana kia houhia te rongo i muri i ia pakanga, ia whakahē ahakoa ko wai te he? He tino tika te reo i roto i tōu mahunga e karanga ana "He tangata hiahia tōku tāne". Ki te hiahia koe ki te mōhio me pēhea te whakaako i tētahi akoranga ki te tāne hiahia, me whakamātau pea koe i tana ake rongoā. Kua tae ki te wā kia mutu tō whakapāha mō ia pakanga iti, kia mutu hoki te haereere i runga i ngā anga hua manu i a ia.

5. Kāore ia i te whakawhetai

He aha atu te mea e mamae ai te ngākau, e hoha ai hoki i te noho tahi me te tāne kāore e aro nui ana ki te Atua? I roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, e tika ana kia whiwhi ngā hoa tokorua i te whakawhetai me te mihi mai i ā rāua hoa pai. Engari ki te mea he tāne hiahia-ā-roto tōu, tera pea kāore anō hoki ia e aro nui ana ki te Atua.

Ahakoa tāu e mahi ai hei whakahari i tō tāne , kāore ia e whai wāhi ki te whakapuaki i tōna whakawhetai. E kore rawa koe e rongo i a ia e mihi ana ki a koe mō ō mahi aroha. Ki tana whakaaro ko te tango noa i a koe hei mea noa iho ko tōna mana whānau. Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne hiahia-ā-roto? Āe, me ako koe ki te whakaū i a koe anō. Ki te kore, e kore tēnei tauira e rerekē.

6. Kāore ia e toro atu i muri i te whawhai

He tangata hiahia nui ki te whai i a ia anō, ā, he āhua whakapehapeha tōna, e whakakaha ana i tōna hiahia kia noho tonu ki te taha toa. E kī mai ana a Rebecca, tētahi o ā mātou kaipānui nō Pasadena, ki a mātou, "Ka huri katoa ngā kōrerorero me taku tāne hei tautohe i roto i te wā poto. Ā, kei a ia tēnei mana makutu hei whakapati i ahau kia whakapono ai ahau ko au te tangata hei he mō ngā mea katoa. Kāore he wikitoria mōna!"

Pērā i a Rebecca, he tokomaha o tātou, heoi anō, he hoa rangatira tō rātou i roto i te marena. Ko tētahi tohu nui o tēnei ko tana kore e pai ki te whakatau i muri i te tautohetohe. Ko te tūponotanga ko koe tonu te tangata e whakatata atu ana ki a ia i muri i te pakanga me te tumanako ka whakatikatikaina.

Pānui e pā ana : 7 Ngā Mea hei Mahi ina Ngaro Koe ki To Tāne

7. Ka whakahe tonu ia i a koe

Hei tāne aroha, me whakaputa e tō hoa te pai rawa atu i roto i a koe mā te whakatenatena i a koe kia noho hei putanga pai rawa atu o koe. I tētahi atu taha, ki te whakaiti tonu tō hoa i a koe, me te mea kia kore koe e whai hua, kei reira te tukino kare ā-roto i roto i tō marena.

E ai ki ngā rangahau i ahu mai i te aromatawai i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mārenatia e 132, ko te whakahē tonu i roto i te marena he tohu nui ki ngā tohu pouri o te hoa rangatira e whakahēngia ana. Anei ētahi tauira o ngā kōrero a te hoa rangatira e whakahē ana:

• "He mangere rawa koe; he pōrearea te whare!"
• "Kua kōrero atu ahau ki a koe me pēhea te mahi, he aha koe te whai noa ai i aku tohutohu?"
• "Āe, i whiwhi koe i taua whakatairanga engari he aha te take nui?"

8. Kāore e taea e ia te mahi i te iti rawa

I tuhituhi tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "Ko taku tāne te kaihanga i ngā mea katoa mōna ake... Kāore e taea e ia te āwhina nui ki ngā pire, engari ka taea e ia te hoko i ngā tini mea mō āna mahi whakangahau rerekē. E rima tau māua i roto i tēnei ao, ā, kua ngenge kē ahau. Kāore ia e pai ki te haere ki te rongoā hinengaro. Āue. He poto noa iho te wā e taea ai e au te hamama ki te korekore."

He iti noa te whakamoemiti me ngā kupu whakaū pēnei i te "He tino ataahua koe i tēnei rā" ka tino whai hua ki te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia hou, kia ora. Heoi anō, ki te whakaatu te tangata i te whanonga whaiaro, tērā pea kāore ia e whakaaro ki te mihi ki a koe mō tō tuakiri, mō āu mahi rānei ki te whanaungatanga. Ko te tikanga, ko ngā mahi whakaaro nui pēnei i te hoko kakahu māu nā te mea e whakaaro ana ia ka ātaahua ki a koe, kāore e taea.

9. Kāore he whakaaturanga aroha

E ai ki te kōrero, "Mā te awhi mahana ka pai ai ngā mea katoa." Ko te awhi tetahi ki tetahi, te pupuri ringa, te okioki i tō mahunga ki runga i ngā pakihiwi o tō tāne, te titiro rānei ki ngā kanohi o tetahi ki tetahi, he tohu tino whai tikanga katoa ēnei hei whakanui ake i te whanaungatanga piripono . Heoi, ki te hoa rangatira e aro nui ana ki a ia anō, he onge noa iho ēnei whakaaturanga aroha.

10. Ka karohia e ia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero

Kia ora ai te whanaungatanga, ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera te mea nui. Ehara i te mea ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga te tikanga o te kōrero mō ngā hāora. Engari ko te kaha ki te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro/āwangawanga/āwangawanga ki tō hoa rangatira me te pono, me te tuwhera. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu matua o te tāne hiahia-ā-roto ko te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, arā, kāore e taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto pono ki tō hoa rangatira, ā, kāore ia e kaha ki te whakapuaki i ōna whakaaro me te kore e piki haere te taumahatanga.

11. Ko te taatai ​​​​he mea nui ki a ia

I roto i te papakupu a te American Psychological Association (APA) , ko te whakamāramatanga o te "whaiaro" e whakarārangihia ana ko "te ia o te mahi nui rawa atu, te mahi rānei i roto i te huarahi e whai hua ai ki a koe anō, ahakoa kei te ngoikore ētahi atu." Ā, e pā ana tēnei ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō whanaungatanga, tae atu ki ō whanaungatanga i roto i te rūma moe.

Ki te mea ko ana hiahia anake te mea e aro nui ana tō tāne i te moenga, kāore he ruarua he tangata hiahia ia. E tono ana tō tāne kia piripono koe me te mea he tika ki a ia? I a kōrua e noho tahi ana, ko te mahi anake ko te whakatutuki i te hiahia nui ? Ka waiho koe e ia kia haurangi, kia maroke ina oti ia? Ki te mea āe, he tika tāu whakaaro, "Ko ia tonu te mea nui ki taku tāne, ā, he tino hiahia nui tēnā ki a ia."

12. Kāore e tohatoha i te kawenga

I tuhituhi tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "He pāpā mangere taku tāne. He nui ake ngā mea kino, he nui ake te kino, ā, ehara ia i te tangata mangere, ā, e aroha nui ana ia ki tana tamāhine. Engari ko au te 90-95% o te whakatipu tamariki; e whakatipu tamariki ana ahau mō ngā hāora 24 i te rā, ā, he waimarie ahau mēnā ka uru mai ia mō te hāora kotahi i konei, i reira rānei. Kāore au i moe mō te neke atu i te 3 hāora karapīpiti mai i tōna whānautanga, ā, kua tata ahau ki te mutunga o taku taura."

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Ko te noho tahi me te tāne hiahia-ā-tangata i te wā e hapu ana, ā, i muri iho hoki i tēnā, ka waiho hei moemoeā kino rawa atu. Engari ko ngā tohu o te tāne kore-aroha ka horapa atu ki ētahi atu āhuatanga o tō oranga. Anei te āhua o tana whanonga:

• Kāore ia e whiriwhiri i a ia anō
• Ka riri ia ki a koe mō te kore e horoi i ōna kākahu i te wā tika
• E tumanako ana ia kia mahia e koe ngā mahi katoa o te whare
• Kāore ia e whakapono ana ki te tohatoha i te kawenga

13. Kāore he rā aroha

E ai ki ngā rangahau, ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakarite ana i ētahi wā kounga hei whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i te iti rawa i te kotahi i te wiki, e 3.5 ngā wā pea ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka kīia he "tino harikoa" rātou i roto i ā rātou marena, ki te whakaritea ki te hunga kāore. Ki te kore tō tāne e ngana ki te hono atu ki a koe, ā, kāore hoki e whakahoki mai i ō ngana ki te whakapakari i te whanaungatanga, tera pea ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te tāne kore aro. Ko ngā mahi iti whakaaro nui pēnei i te hoko putiputi me te waina māu, te tunu kai rānei māu mō tētahi ahiahi aroha i te kāinga , kāore pea i rangona i roto i tō kōrua marena, ā, he take tēnei hei āwangawanga.

14. Kāore ia e whakaae ana ki te hē

I tuhituhi tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit , "Kāore taku tāne i te kāinga. Ko te mea e tino riri ai ahau, KĀORE rawa ahau e kī atu ki a ia kāore e taea e ia te tākaro korowha, te mahi rānei i ana mahi tino pai. Nā te mea he kaha tana mahi i te wiki katoa, ehara i te mea nui. Engari ko te WĀ KOTAHI i taea ai e au te mahi i tētahi mea e pai ana ahau ki te mahi, kāore i taea e ia te tuku i tētahi atu rauna korowha me āna hoa kia taea ai e au te tākaro poipapa mō ngā haora e rua."

Ki te mea he mea noa iho tā tāu tāne e mahi ana i ana e hiahia ai, ā, ko koe tonu te tangata e patu whakahere ana, he marena kore taurite tēnei. Tērā pea ka tīmata tēnei ki te whakaaro kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. He mea nui kia kitea e koe he huarahi hei tiaki i a koe anō . Ki te mea he mea nui tana mahi tāne, he mea nui anō hoki tō hiahia kia noho pai.

15. Kāore ia e takiuru

Ko te mea nui rawa atu i roto i te hononga mahi tahi ko te tirotiro tetahi i tetahi i ia wā, kia mōhio ai kei te kitea, kei te rangona, kei te manaakitia hoki ngā hoa tokorua. Anei ētahi tauira:

• "I pehea to ra?"
• "I tino kaha tō mahi mō taua whakaaturanga. I pēhea te haere?"
• "E mōhio ana ahau he uaua ngā wiki e rua kua pahure ake nei. Kei te pēhea koe?"

Pānui e pā ana: 21 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Tāne Whakahaere

Ki te kore tō tāne e āwangawanga mō tō harikoa, he nui te tūponotanga he hiahia nui tōna ki a ia anō.

Me pēhea te mahi ki tētahi tāne whaiaro?

Kei te whakaaro koe, "Me whakarērea e au taku tāne hiahia-ā-tangata?" Kei te rapu tohutohu koe mō te whakaako i tētahi akoranga ki te tāne hiahia-ā-tangata? Anei ētahi huarahi hei whakatau i te āhuatanga:

• Whakamātauria te tuhi i roto i te rātaka kia mārama ai koe ki ō whakaaro, kia mārama ai hoki ki tāu e hiahia ana mai i te whanaungatanga.
• Whakamahia ngā kōrero "ahau" hei whakapuaki i ō hiahia ki tō tāne, kia kore ai ia e whakaaro kei te whakapae koe i a ia, kei te whakapae rānei koe i a ia (Hei tauira, me kī atu "Kei te pouri ahau kāore koe e tirotiro mai i ahau" kaua e kī "I whara ahau i a koe nā te mea ko koe anake te tangata e whakaaro ana ki ahau")
• Tīmata ki te whakarite i ō hiahia, me te whakakore i ngā āhuatanga e pai ai te tangata, me te tīmata ki te kī "kāo" ki ngā mea e kore e pai ki a koe.
• Kia atawhai (kaua e riri) i a koe e whakapuaki ana i ō hiahia. Hei tauira, ngana ki te kī, "Ka nui te mihi ki a koe mēnā ka tohaina e koe te kawenga o ngā mahi o te kāinga" kaua ki te kī "He tino wairangi koe! Kāore koe e kite kua ngenge ahau?"
• Whakatā mai i tō mahi o ia rā, me te kore e whakapāha, hei whakangā me te whakaora anō. Mai i te hoko i a koe anō ngā koha tiaki-whaiaro ki te noho i te wāhi mirimiri mō te rā, me mahi i ngā mea katoa e hiahiatia ana e koe kia marino ai, kia kore ai e taumahatia
• Ki te kore koe e rongohia ahakoa kua maha ngā wā i whakapuakina ai ō hiahia, rapua he awhina ngaio.
• Ki te mea kāore he mea e pai ana, kua tae ki te wā ki te arotake anō i tō marena

Ehara i te mea he maeneene te haere o ngā marena katoa, engari he mea nui kia whakapau kaha ngā tāngata e rua i roto i te whanaungatanga ki te whakapai ake i ō rātou oranga tahi. E ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, noho mai, kōrerohia ō kōrua raruraru nā te mea he pai te whakapau kaha ki tō kōrua marena me tō kōrua aroha tetahi ki tetahi! Kia ora kōrua.

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Poutū-te-rangi 2023.

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