Te Whakahāwea i roto i te Marena: Ngā Tohu, Ngā Take, me te Pehea ki te Whakatika

Ko te whakahawea i roto i te marena ehara i te riri noa iho, i te whakahē rānei; engari he whakaaro rangatira, he whakaatu i te kore whakaute, tae atu ki te whakarihariha kare ā-roto ki tō hoa rangatira. Inaa, kua kitea e ngā kairangahau pēnei i a Tākuta John Gottman ko te whakahawea te tohu kaha rawa atu o te wehenga, nui atu i te kore whakapono, i ngā pakanga moni rānei.

 Ki te whakahawea, ki te whakatoi rānei tetahi o ngā hoa ki tetahi, he tohu mārama tēnā o te whakarihariha me te hiranga o te matatika.

He aha te Whakahāwea i roto i te Marenatanga?

Ko te whakahawea i roto i te marena ko te tikanga he whakaiti i tō hoa rangatira, he "iti iho" rānei – he whakaeke whaiaro ki tōna uara, ki tōna āhua rānei, ehara i te riri noa iho mō tētahi mea i mahia e rātou. He rerekē ki te whakahē noa, e aro ana ki tētahi whanonga motuhake, ka pā te whakahawea ki te tuakiri o tō hoa rangatira. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai i te riri, i te mauahara rānei e koropupū ana i roto i te marena , ā, ka puta hei tohu mārama, he tohu ngaro rānei e whakaiti ana i tō hoa rangatira.

Hei tauira, ka penei te ahua o te whakahawea: 

• Te tawai i ngā whakaaro o tō hoa
• Pouri
• Ka karanga ingoa rānei i a rātou

Ka taea hoki te noho puku: 

• He hurihuri kanohi
• He menemene
• He tohu whakakorekore rānei

I roto i te wā, ka tukuna e te whakahawea te karere "He pai ake ahau i a koe," e whakangaro ana i te wairua haumaru me te ōritetanga e hiahiatia ana e ngā whanaungatanga.

He aha te mea e kino ana te whakahawea

He maha ngā wā ka kiia te whakahawea ko te "kaipatu puku" o ngā whanaungatanga, ā, he take pai anō hoki. Ehara i te mea ka whara noa i ngā kare ā-roto i taua wā tonu, engari ka whakahoro i te turanga katoa o te marena. Ko te whakaute me te whakamoemiti tetahi ki tetahi te piri e mau ai te hononga, ā, mā te whakahawea ka pakaru taua piri. Ka tīmata koe ki te kite i tō hoa rangatira hei raruraru, hei taumahatanga rānei, ehara i te hoa, hei hoa aroha rānei.

Anei ngā mea ka tupu ina tupu te whakahawea:

• Ka whakangaro i te whakaute: Ko te whakahawea he kōrero "Kāore au e whakaute ana i a koe." I roto i te wā, ka mutu te whakanui i ngā whakaaro me ngā mahi a tetahi ki tetahi. Ka whakaaro tō hoa rangatira kei te whakahaweatia ia, kāore hoki i te whai hua.
• Ka waihanga tawhiti Ka hangaia he āputa kare ā-roto. Tērā pea ka tīmata kōrua te karo tetahi i tetahi, te kōrero noa rānei hei tautohetohe
• Ka whakaoho i te ātete: Ina whakaititia tō hoa, ka noho puku rātou, ka noho rānei tutakinaNā tēnei ka kore e taea te whakatau i ngā pakanga iti
• Ka whakapōrearea i te haumaru o te ngākau: Ka tupu te marena i runga i te whakaaro haumaru ki te whakapuaki i ngā hiahia me ngā ngoikoretanga. Ka pakaru te whakahawea i taua arai haumaru.
• Ka pā kino ki te hauora: Maere, rangahau whakaatu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakaatu ana i te whakahawea tetahi ki tetahi, he nui ake te mate tinana e pāngia ana e ngā mate i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine harikoa. Ko te ahotea me ngā kare ā-roto mamae ka ngoikore te pūnaha ārai mate.

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Ngā Tohu o te Whakahāwea i roto i te Marena

Ko te mōhio ki te whakahawea te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakamutu i tēnei. I roto i te nuinga o ngā wā, kāore te whakahawea i roto i te marena e puta mai me te reo nui. Ka puta mārire, mā te reo, mā ngā whakaaturanga, me ngā wā poto e whakaiti ana i te whakaute. I roto i te wā, ka hangaia e ēnei tauira te tawhiti kare ā-roto i roto i te marena, ā, ka tīmata te ahua noa, ahakoa he tino kino.

Ngā tohu kōrero

Ko ngā tohu tino kitea o te whakahawea i roto i te marena ka puta i roto i te reo. Ehara ēnei i te tautohetohe noa. Engari he whakaata i ngā whanonga whakahawea e whakaeke ana i te tuakiri o tō hoa.

1. Ngā kōrero whakatoi

Ahakoa te ahua noa o ngā kōrero pēnei i te "Ka pai, e te tangata mohio" me te "Āe, kua hē anō koe", he kupu whakatoi kei roto, he whakahawea. He maha ngā wā ka huna e te whakatoi te riri hohonu me te koretake o te kare ā-roto.

2. Ngā kupu whakatoi me ngā tawai

Mā te tawai ki ngā whanonga, ngā whakaaro, ngā pūkenga rānei o tō hoa rangatira ka puta he tauira riri whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he mea huna hei whakakatakata, he tohu tēnā i te kore whakaute i roto i te marena.

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3. Te karanga ingoa i roto i te marena

Ko ngā kupu pēnei i te "wairangi", "koretake", "aroha" rānei, e hira ake ana i te riri. Ka whakaekea e rātou te mana o te tangata ake, ā, ka whai wāhi atu ki te kore whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga.

4. Te katakata whakarihariha me ngā kupu whakaiti

Ahakoa te āhua kore kino o ngā katakata e whakaiti ana i tō hoa rangatira i taua wā tonu, engari ka puta ake he tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kino i te roanga o te wā, ā, ka puta anō he hua kino.

5. Ngā kōrero whakahihi-kore

Ko ngā mihi whakamihi pēnei i te "Āe, i tika tāu mahi i tēnei rā" e whakaata ana i te whakahawea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai ēnei kōrero i te riri kua pehia, kaua i te kōrero pono.

Ngā tohu kore-waha

Ehara i te mea ko ngā kupu anake te mea e mamae ana. He maha ngā wā ka puta te whakahawea me te kore he rerenga kōrero kotahi. Ko te reo tinana te kaikawe i te tikanga, ā, he nui ake te kino nā te mea he āhua ā-ira, he uaua hoki ki te tautohetohe.

1. Te hurihuri kanohi i roto i ngā tautohetohe

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino rangahautia o te whakahawea i roto i te marena. He tohu tēnei mō te whakarērea, me te mea kāore e tika ana kia uru atu ki ngā whakaaro o tō hoa.

2. Te menemene i te wā o te pakanga

Ko taua ataata iti, e kore e kitea i ētahi wā, he tohu kei te pai ake koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. E mea ana, "Kei runga ake ahau i tēnei."

3. Ngā tohu whakakorekore

Ko te tahuri ke atu, te tirotiro i tō waea pūkoro, te aue nui, te hipoki rānei i tō mata i a tō hoa e kōrero ana, he tohu katoa tēnei i te wehenga o ngā kare ā-roto.

4. Ngā āhua kanohi whakahāwea

He tirohanga ngawari o te whakarihariha, he tukemata e ara ake ana, he ataata taha rānei, ā, ka nui ake te whakapuakitanga i ngā kupu kino.

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Ngā tohu hinengaro

Ko ngā tohu hohonu o te whakahawea i roto i te marena kei roto i a koe. Ka hanga e rātou te āhua o tō whakaaro mō tō hoa, he maha ngā wā kāore koe e mōhio.

1. Te whakaaro nui ake i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga 

Ka tīmata koe ki te whakapono he nui ake tō kawenga, tō mātau, tō mōhio rānei ki ngā kare ā-roto i tō hoa. Ka whakatupu tēnei whakaaro i te whakahawea me ngā tauira pakaru o te marena.

2. Te ngaronga o te whakaute i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga 

Ka mutu tō whakamoemiti ki tō hoa. Ka ngaro atu hoki ō rātou kaha. Tērā pea ka uaua ki a koe te maumahara ki ngā mea i maioha koe ki a rātou i mua.

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3. Te whakarihariha ki te hoa 

Ehara tēnei i te riri anake. He whakahēnga kare ā-roto hohonu ake, he rite tonu ki te whakarihariha. Koinei te pūtake o te whakahawea kare ā-roto.

4. Te riri mau tonu 

Ka tīmata te ahua o ngā mea iti ki te kore e taea te whakamanawanui. Ko tā rātou kōrero, tā rātou kai, tā rātou urupare rānei ka tīmata ki te whakapataritari i a koe kia kore e taurite. He tohu tēnei i te riri kāore anō kia whakatauhia.

5. Te kore o te aroha 

Ka mutu tō aro ki ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa. Te āhua nei nā rātou anō i whakatupu ō rātou uauatanga, ā, e ahua koretake ana ō rātou kare ā-roto, kaua e hira.

6. Te wehe atu i ngā kare ā-roto 

Ka tirotirohia e koe te taha kare ā-roto . Ka huri ngā kōrero hei mea hanga noa. Ka memeha haere te whanaungatanga ā-tinana. Ahakoa kei te noho tonu koe i te taha tinana, engari kei tawhiti koe i te taha kare ā-roto.

He aha ngā take o te whakarihariha i roto i te marena?

Kāore te whakahawea i roto i te marena e tīmata i tētahi huihuinga nui. Ka āta haere te tipu. Ka tīmata te puranga o ngā pouri iti, ngā māramatanga maha, me ngā tumanakohanga kāore i kōrerotia. I roto i te wā, ka hangaia e ēnei wheako te āhua o tō tirohanga ki tō hoa. Ko te mea i rite ki te hononga i mua ka tīmata te ahua ki te tawhiti. Anei ngā tino take.

1. Te riri kāore anō kia whakatauhia

Ina rongo tetahi hoa kua hē, kua whara rānei i tētahi mea, ahakoa nui, ahakoa iti, ā, kāore rawa ia e kōrero mō taua mea, ka huri mārire taua riri hei whakahawea. Hei tauira, ki te mea kei te whakahē tonu tō hoa i ō hiahia, kei te whakahawea rānei ki a koe , ā, kāore koe e aro atu ki tēnā, ka tupu te riri kia tīmata rā anō koe ki te titiro ki aua mea i roto i te tirohanga kino.

"Ki te kore koe e kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira kei te riri koe ki a XYZ, ka haere tonu tō hoa rangatira ki te mahi i te XYZ. Ka tīmata koe ki te riri ki tō hoa rangatira mō te mahi i te XYZ nā te mea kei te riri koe ki tēnā….ā tōna mutunga ka pirau taua riri hei whakahawea, ā, kāore e taea e koe te wehe i tō hoa rangatira mai i a XYZ"

- Kaiwhakamahi Reddit

2. Te whakaaro kāore koe i te maiohahia

Ina kite koe kāore ō mahi e kitea ana, e whakaititia ana rānei, ka puta pea he whakaaro rangatira hei parepare. Waihoki, ina mutu tō aro ki ngā mahi pai, ki ngā whakaaro kino rānei a tō hoa, ka riro mai ngā kōrero kino.

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3. Te whakahē mau tonu

Ka taea e ngā amuamu me ngā whakahē tonu te huri hei whakahawea. 

• Ki te whakahē tonu koe i ngā whanonga, i te tuakiri rānei o tō hoa, ka whakatakotohia he tauira 
• I roto i te wā, ko te mea ka tīmata hei amuamu ka huri hei whakaeke whakahawea 

Mā te whakahē roa e whakaatu ki tō hoa kāore rawa e taea e ia te tutuki i ō paerewa, ā, ka whakatōngia ngā purapura o te whakahawea.

4. Te warewaretanga o te ngākau

Ka ngāwari te huna o te whakahawea mēnā ka wehe atu koe, tō hoa rānei i te taha kare ā-roto nā ēnei mea: 

• ahotea
• Depression
• Ka tipu noa rānei

Nā te kore o te whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga, ka ngāwari te whakaiti i te uara o tētahi atu tangata. Ki te kore koe e whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto, ki te kore rānei e whakaatu i te hiranga o tētahi atu, ka tīmata te whakaaro noa he mea noa iho. Ka taea e tēnei te waiho i te riri, te mauahara rānei i roto i te wā.

5. He kōrero kino mō te hoa

I ētahi wā ka puta te whakahawea mai i te kōrero i tētahi kōrero pōhewa mō tō hoa rangatira ki a koe anō. Tērā pea ka mea koe i roto i tōu mahunga: 

• "Ko au anake te tangata e whai kawenga ana" 
• "He hē katoa ā rātou mahi" 
• "Kei te mahi ahau i ngā mahi katoa" 

Ko ēnei whakapōrearea hinengaro – āe, he whakapōrearea noa iho – ka whāngai i te whakahawea. Kia tapaina tō hoa rangatira he mangere, he hiahia whaiaro, he kuware rānei, he māmā noa iho te atawhai i a ia. 

6. Ngā taurite kore o te mana

Ki te mea kei te noho tonu te whakaaro o tētahi hoa kāore he mana, kāore hoki e rangona, ka puta te whakahawea hei huarahi ki te whakahoki mai i te mana. I tetahi atu taha, ka tīmata pea te tangata kei a ia te mana ki te titiro whakararuraru ki tētahi atu. I roto i te wā, ka huri te riri mō te pakanga mana hei whakahawea.

Me pēhea te whakatika i te whakahawea i roto i te marena

Ehara i te mahi tere te whakatika i te whakahawea i roto i te marena. E hiahia ana kia mōhio, kia pono, kia hiahia hoki ki te whakarerekē i ngā tauira kua mau tonu mō ngā tau. Engari ka taea. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e hoki ana mai i te whakahawea kare ā-roto ki te hononga ina whiriwhiri kaha rātou ki te hanga anō i te whakaute. Anei ngā mahi hei āwhina.

1. Hangaia he ahurea o te maioha me te whakaute

Tīmata ki te kite i ngā mea pai. Arotahi ki ngā āhuatanga pai me ngā mahi a tō hoa. E kī ana a Gottman kia whai wā poto koe ki te whakawhetai: 

• Te mihi ki a rātou mō ngā mea iti
• Te whakamihi ina āwhina rātou
• Me te whakapuaki tonu i ōu whakaaro nui mō rātou
• He iti te tuhituhi tuhipoka aroha te tuku karere atawhai rānei

Ko te whāinga kia whakakiia tō whanaungatanga ki ngā mea pai hei ārai i te whakahawea.

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2. Whakautua tika te riri

Ko ngā amuamu huna te take o te whakahawea. He mea nui kia kōrerohia te mea e tino whakararuraru ana i a koe i runga i te marino. 

• Whakamahia ngā kōrero tīmatanga mārire, kaua e whakapae. Hei tauira, kaua e "Kāore koe e whakarongo mai ki ahau," ngana ki te kī, "Kei te mamae ahau, kei te kore e rangona ina kōrero ahau, ā, te āhua nei kua warewarehia aku āwangawanga" 
• Āta karohia ngā whakapae "koe", e whakaoho ana i te tiaki i a koe anō 

Mā tēnei ka huaki te kōrero, kaua te whawhai. Me whai wāhi ngā hoa e rua ki te whakapuaki i ō rāua riri, me te mahi ki te rapu otinga, me te manawanui me te aroha.

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3. Whakamahia nga korero "I".

Waihoki, whakaarohia ngā āwangawanga mai i tō tirohanga. He nui ake te whai hua o te kī "Kei te tino mokemoke ahau ina kore tāua e noho tahi " i te kī "Kāore koe e hiahia ki te noho tahi me ahau." Mā ngā kīanga "ahau" ka whakaitihia te whakapae, ā, ka whakaatu kei te tango koe i te mana whakahaere o ō kare ā-roto. Ka tino whakaitihia e tēnei tikanga te hinengaro whakahawea.

4. Whakahou i te whakaute

Kia kaha ki te atawhai tetahi i tetahi me te ngākau atawhai pērā i te tīmatanga. 

• Whakarongo pai ki te kōrero a tō hoa rangatira, ahakoa kāore koe e whakaae 
• Kaua e whakararuraru, e kōrero rānei mō rātou 
• Kia maumahara ki te tuku whakamanatanga aronganui

Ka taea e koe te kī mārama, "E whakaute ana ahau ki tō whakaaro, ahakoa he rerekē i tōku." Mā te maumahara me te whakapuaki i ngā mea i miharo tuatahi koe mō tō hoa ka taea te whakaara anō i te aroha.

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5. Rapua he rongoā, he tohutohu rānei

I ētahi wā, he hohonu te pūtake o ngā tauira whakahawea, inā koa mēnā he rite ki ngā take whānau o mua, ngā raruraru whara rānei. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro mohio te hoatu taputapu ki a koe hei wawahi i ēnei tauira. Ka taea hoki e te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro te āwhina i a koe ki te whakawhanake i te aroha me te whakaako i ngā pūkenga tūturu ki te kōrero me te kore he mauahara. Arā, ka whakaratohia e te rongoā hinengaro he huarahi e ahu mai ana i ngā taunakitanga hei whakaora i te whakahawea.

6. Whakapāha, murua hoki

Ki te mea kua whakapuaki koe i tō whakahawea, whakaae mai. 

• Aroha mai mō ngā kupu, ngā nekehanga rānei i whara ai koe, me te whakamārama kei te mahi koe ki te whakarerekē i tō whakaaro.
• Waihoki, ngana ki te muru pono i ngā wā whakahāwea a tō hoa i a ia e whakapāha ana.

Mā te pupuri i ngā kōrero kino o mua ka nui ake te mauahara.

Me pēhea te ārai i te whakahawea ā muri ake nei

Kia pehia e koe te whakahawea, me ārai koe i tōna hokinga mai. Ko te ārai i te whakahawea he whakatairanga i te pai me te whakatikatika tonu. Anei ētahi rautaki:

• Ngā arowhai kare ā-roto auau: Me waiho hei tikanga te pātai tetahi ki tetahi, "Kei te pēhea ō whakaaro mō mātou i ēnei rā?" "He mea kei te whakararuraru i a koe?" Mā tēnei ka kore e pū ake ngā amuamu.
• Ngā tikanga whakamihi: Whakatūria ngā tikanga pēnei i te whakapuaki i tētahi mea i pai ki a koe mō tō hoa rangatira i ia rā, i te waiho rānei i tētahi reta aroha poto ki a rātou. Ko ēnei mea iti tohu whaiāipo hanga he parepare o te ngākau pai
• Ngā pūkenga whakatika pakanga: Akohia te whawhai tika. Whakamahia he wā whakatā mēnā ka werawera ngā tautohetohe: whakaae kia mutu, ka hoki mai anō i muri i te whakamatao
• Kia mau tonu te whakaipoipo me te ngahau: Kia maumahara i whiriwhiria e kōrua tētahi i tētahi mō ngā take pai. Me mahi tonu i ngā mea e pai ana ki a kōrua, me kata tahi, me te aroha. Ko te ngahau me te whakahoahoa e whakauru ana i ngā kare ā-roto pai ki roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
• Kia mau tonu te aroha: Ina pōuri koe, me tūpato, ā, whakaarohia he aha te mea e whakararuraru ana i tō hoa. Kei te ngenge rātou, kei te āwangawanga mō te mahi, kei te mamae rānei? Ka horapa te ahotea i tētahi wāhanga o te ao i ētahi wā.

Ahea Hei Rapu Awhina Ngaio

Kāore e taea te whakatika i ngā āhuatanga katoa o te whakahawea i roto i te marena mā te mōhio ki a ia anō me te whakapau kaha anake. I ētahi wā, he hohonu rawa ngā tauira, he auau rawa, he nui rawa rānei te kare ā-roto. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, me tautoko mai i waho hei whakaora i te marena.

• He mau tonu te whakahawea, ā, ka piki haere: Mena kua noho ngā tawai iti hei whakaeke noa, he tawai rānei te mutunga o ngā tautohetohe
• Te wehenga o ngā kare ā-roto: Mena kua "whakamutua" tētahi, kua mutu rānei te moe tahi a kōrua; kāore ō kōrua kare ā-roto e whakapuakina ana, kua mutu te moe tāne, kei te noho tahi rānei kōrua me te hoa noho
• Te kore whakaute tonu: Mena kua whitihia ngā rohe (hei tauira, te karanga ingoa kino, te whakaiti i te aroaro o te marea) ā, kua pakaru te whakawhirinaki
• Kei te pōuri koe, kei te pouri rānei: Ka taea e te whakahawea te arahi ki te tukino ā-waha. Ki te mataku koe, ki te pouri rānei, ki te mataku tinana rānei, rapua tonutia he āwhina.
• Kua whakamātau koe, ā, kāore he mea e rerekē ana: Mena kua whakapau kaha koe, ā, kei te haere tonu te whakahawea, ka taea e te tohunga te ārahi i a koe kia whai hua ake.

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He take nui te whakahawea i roto i te marena, engari ka taea te whakatika. Whakaarohia mēnā ka whakakapia e koe te "He pai ake ahau i a koe" ki te "Kei te aro ahau ki a koe". Ko ngā mahi atawhai iti rawa ka kaha ake i ngā mahi nui. Kia maumahara, "ko te ritenga kē o te whakahawea ehara i te aroha - engari ko te whakaute." Me whakaaro ki tō hoa rangatira he rite ki a koe, ā, ka taea e koe te ārai i te whakahawea kia kore e mau. Tērā pea ka roa te wā me te pono, engari mā te whakapau kaha pono, ka taea e koe te hanga anō i tētahi whanaungatanga i ahu mai i te whakaute me te māramatanga.

He pēhea te mahi a te Tohutohu Marena hei whakaoti rapanga whanaungatanga? 

Me pēhea te whakaora i te marena ina kotahi anake e ngana ana?

15 Ngā Tohu Kua Pakaru Tō Mārena, Kua Tata Te Mutu

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.